Man Is Struck By Lightning While Masturbating To Bible

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An honorable member of the Coffee Shop Has Just Posted the Following:

Mount Pleasant, UT | A repentant man from Utah was found in critical condition and rescued by Mt Pleasant patrol officers after the 66-year-old man allegedly told officers he had been masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by a lightning bolt.

The religious man who had decided to go for a stroll on Mount Pleasant that day was caught offset by a raging storm which ultimately might have cost him his life.

“Since my wife passed away last year, I often seek the tranquility of the hiking trails of Mount Pleasant,” he told local reporters. “I bring my Bible and meditate about God, Jesus and the Creation,” he explained. “I strongly believe God has punished me for my sinful ways that day and am glad God has given me a second chance to spread his word and tell my story,” he added.



Masturbation is a sin

Mr. Taylor wholeheartedly decries the fact that he was masturbating to the Bible moments before being struck down by lightning, a fact he wishes to share with others.

“I am ashamed to say that I was fulfilling my dirty needs while holding this sacred object, written down from the spoken word of God. If God has intended this to be my punishment for my sinful ways, then I feel I must share my story with the world so that others may avoid this dreadful path” he admits, visibly humbled by the whole experience.

Reading Ezekiel with a “pure mind”

Mr. Taylor acknowledges his sexual urges exploded while reading verses of Ezekiel 19 and 20, which he warns must be read only by “strong devout Christians” with a “greater understanding of the Bible’s inherent truths”.

“I was a bit depressed that day and that is when the Devil brought me to these passages and filled my body with sinful urges” he decries. “I was weak then, but God has shown me the way and until I die I shall share my story so others don’t pay as heavy a price as I did,” acknowledges the man that has suffered serious burns and injuries from the lightning bolt.

Ezekiel verses 19 and 20 read as follow:

New International Version

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.


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