PAP David Ong and a short lesson on how to be a Tua Pau Xian

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An honorable member of the Coffee Shop Has Just Posted the Following:

PAP David Ong and a short lesson on how to be a Tua Pau Xian

When I wrote this TPX story to emulate my idol, I had no idea it was because of an affair let alone who the woman was. So here's some tips on how to write a TPX story.

PART I of II

First and foremost, always act important. People calling to update you, you have "inside tracks", you are able to pick up the phone to check with your imaginary "sources" pacing up and down the corridors of power as they converse with and update you, etc. Then, throw in a bit of info that is common knowledge for what is called the "introductory funneling effect".

Example:

Quote:
When I received a phone call informing me of this development, I was puzzled. David Ong has only been an MP for 5 years since 2011 when he stood on a GRC ticket in Jurong with Tharman. So, I decided to pick up the phone to do some checking. Here is the inside track.

Next and this is extremely important, add the clause below or variations of it to try to bully into silence and shut the mouths of the usual doubters and assholes who constantly ask for "evidence" before they can accept what you write as gospel truth. I call it the "pre-emptive insult".

Example:

Quote:
(I do however acknowledge and accept that many in this forum will treat this as speculation, gossip and conjecture unless it is officially published in the Toa Payoh Brothel press and tangible evidence presented directly at their doorstep).


Next step, put out a short story mixing facts that are widely known and available and fiction that is based on educated guesses. In this case, it's not too difficult. More than likely, it is an affair. Put out what writers call the "superfluous, useless and concrete" details ("almost a year", "plump", "middle-age", matrimonial", "mahjong session") which when combined with readily available facts, will create an illusion of reality in your story.

Example:

Quote:
David Ong has been in an extramarital affair for almost a year. He was seeing this woman even during the period when he was contesting the Bukit Batok seat last year in September 2015. He was caught literally with his pants down about two weeks ago when his wife returned home early from a mahjong session and was horrified to see him humping a plump, middle-aged Chinese lady on, off all places, their matrimonial bed. I will not reveal the identity of the woman as we know the Toa Payoh Brothel press will be combing through this forum to get the details and scoops.

Next, put out more "concrete" details based on some generic guesstimates. Read the example below carefully and you will notice that my bullshit description of the woman is a fairly generic one that can fit most women that men would like to screw on the side.

Quote:
All I will reveal is that she is not too bad looking, has nice round eyes, porcelain smooth skin although she’s a little on the “meaty” side.

If you get it wrong and forummers point out that the woman is, contrary to what you say, butt ugly, has small eyes, is pimply and slim, just say the photos do not do her justice, that she is really not bad looking in person, her small eyes may be due to lack of sleep, that she used to have better skin, be fatter, etc. Don't worry. There's always a way out.

To be continued....



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