So Lost, sad

LadyInNeed · #1 19-03-2015, 03:26 PM

Hi everyone I m sharing my story here cos I do not know Wat to do. I have been together with this guy for 5 year plus he is a married. He really take care of me. When I m down in 2008 he was the one who bring me up. But recently we been quarrel cos I feel so insecure n he Don really care me much compare to last time. Even I told him this year where shall we go holiday he flare up. Say that y holiday need to go with him. My heart was so sad. My intention was to spent time together go anyway also can but things go worse. I really can't feel his love. He wan to break up be friend but I Don wan to be friend. Yet he still wan to care for mi for Wat when I m sick. Seriously I even wan to die to mi is e end. I m so sad. No motivation to work to anything. Maybe u guy will say I m stupid cos of this married guy not worth it but he really went thru with mi.

clinton · #2 19-03-2015, 04:06 PM

sis find a new bf is the best option in your case ...

He already told you he want to break up ... just leave him and move away. He is not your dish and you will find yours from other place soon

heartkorr · #3 19-03-2015, 04:16 PM

time to move on... he is probably tired of this relationship... plus he is married... not going anywhere le... except bring you holland.. waste your youth

Wintermelontea · #4 19-03-2015, 04:20 PM

cheer up sis!

damong777 · #5 19-03-2015, 05:52 PM

Just think of it is his loss. The right man could be waiting for you around the corner.

Put yourself together. Heart of man who changed is not worth dying for.

a2014 · #6 19-03-2015, 06:23 PM

TS looks like nothing going very wrong except I guess he is feeling very uncomfortable with you pressing for more from him which he cannot afford to give it to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

He really take care of me. When I m down in 2008 he was the one who bring me up.

Yes this guy do really will take care of you. Seriously.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Even I told him this year where shall we go holiday he flare up. Say that y holiday need to go with him. My heart was so sad.

If he could I think he will. You have to understand that he is married, if not wrong he love his family as well and you are another one that come into his path and he cannot let go for the first instant. If not wrong his family come first, which is natural but looks a little unfair to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

I really can't feel his love. He wan to break up be friend but I Don wan to be friend. Yet he still wan to care for mi for Wat when I m sick.

Not that you can't feel the love, because you got too deep into loving him and wants to own him eventually which drive him to put up defense and try to get out. Getting out if not wrong is not his first option unless you press all the way to the dead end. You already said when you are sick he will care for you. Do you really want to go all your way out to drive him away, do you think he will be happy at that point ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

I even wan to die to mi is e end. I m so sad. No motivation to work to anything. Maybe u guy will say I m stupid cos of this married guy not worth it but he really went thru with mi.

You are looking only from your point of view, nobody knows his internal feeling. No doubt everyone will say, he is in the wrong because his is married and yet get into a relationship with you. However it is also part of your responsibility of knowing he is married and yet want to with him. Therefore it takes two hands to clap.

The above is only my personal opinion, no offense. There are a few things you can do:

1. Re-look at your situation and see how you and him can get along and open up you own circle of friends and activities so you don't feel lonely. If you want to wholly own him, you will have to destroy what he has now first. Do you want to do that ?

2. Just be friend and go for another relationship. Are you willing to give up what you think you are having or normalize it and move on. Do you think he want to normalize the relationship or just saying only because you keep the heat on him.

3. Go ahead and destroy everything in between your path which will eventually destroy everything.

I seriously think that he wouldn't be able to give up on you in short. I can only said so much as I only work on your limited information given.

Take Care.

EtherC · #7 19-03-2015, 07:45 PM

7 billion people in this world and you're hung up on a married guy who can't promise you a future? There's over 700 million starving people lacking in basic amenities and food but you're contemplating suicide?

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Hi everyone I m sharing my story here cos I do not know Wat to do. I have been together with this guy for 5 year plus he is a married. He really take care of me. When I m down in 2008 he was the one who bring me up. But recently we been quarrel cos I feel so insecure n he Don really care me much compare to last time. Even I told him this year where shall we go holiday he flare up. Say that y holiday need to go with him. My heart was so sad. My intention was to spent time together go anyway also can but things go worse. I really can't feel his love. He wan to break up be friend but I Don wan to be friend. Yet he still wan to care for mi for Wat when I m sick. Seriously I even wan to die to mi is e end. I m so sad. No motivation to work to anything. Maybe u guy will say I m stupid cos of this married guy not worth it but he really went thru with mi.

ShittyAss · #8 19-03-2015, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Hi everyone I m sharing my story here cos I do not know Wat to do. I have been together with this guy for 5 year plus he is a married. He really take care of me. When I m down in 2008 he was the one who bring me up. But recently we been quarrel cos I feel so insecure n he Don really care me much compare to last time. Even I told him this year where shall we go holiday he flare up. Say that y holiday need to go with him. My heart was so sad. My intention was to spent time together go anyway also can but things go worse. I really can't feel his love. He wan to break up be friend but I Don wan to be friend. Yet he still wan to care for mi for Wat when I m sick. Seriously I even wan to die to mi is e end. I m so sad. No motivation to work to anything. Maybe u guy will say I m stupid cos of this married guy not worth it but he really went thru with mi.

U sounded like my friend. Endless persuasion to wake up but still can't wake up.

U think he will divorce his wife for u? Wake up.

U need love? U can find plenty out there. U need a Fcuk buddy? Plenty of there...

Wake up.

autoroam · #9 19-03-2015, 10:11 PM

I won't say you r stupid
But I will say.....
your man is smart... to be there when u r down

Now that he is bore of you... he want u out of his life
Another smart move

Babyrexx · #10 19-03-2015, 10:52 PM

Hi Sis, I agree with what the Bros had commented. Get yourself out of Misery. He's like a kite trying to fly away from U. The more U hold on, the higher it'll fly away. Find someone who's worthy of your Love n move on. Time waits for no one. It might be too late when U wake up from this in the future. Wish U Luck!

LadyInNeed · #11 20-03-2015, 02:09 AM

5 year relationship is not easy to give up I try to give up. Actually I divorce with my ex hubby cos of him. My ex hubby can't give me Wat I want in life. Actually this man promise to look after mi for 3 month but in drag until 5 year plus. Some time is East to say n done n I trying to give him up. Actually is the things that he does for mi all e care when I m down n until today I achieve Wat I have. Seriously without him I Don know how will it be. Thanks for u guys/ ladies for the truth fact. Truth is hurt. I just feel happy that I m with him no trouble he is like my mentor. I never say I want his everything can't I have a guy with mi when I need a shoulder / listener ear I never wan any status from him. Y guy break off wan to be friend I no need that it will cause more hurt.

Wintermelontea · #12 20-03-2015, 08:26 AM

Sis,

There is no right nor wrong where matters of heart is concerned. I think it is more like which standpoint one is looking the issue from. Most bros (and maybe sis) here including me may ask you to leave the guy for a better man due to the fact that you have posted as it is.

This is an open forum. If we post our thoughts here, we need to take these advise with a pinch of salt. No right nor wrong, just difference in opinion. And now that we know you have a 5 years relationship with him, it may not be that easy to break away totally. Takes time, definitely and surely can be done.

So, take a deep breathe and do something different today. If you text him often, stop or reduce that number of text to him. He is married and still with his wife. Just remember this, he has 2 sets of problems (or more). One is his family's and the other is you.

Give him a break as well and truly understand his point of view in why he wants to maintain the relationship with you as a friend (FB, FWB etc) and perhaps nothing more.

TGIF everyone.

Winter

a2014 · #13 20-03-2015, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

5 year relationship is not easy to give up I try to give up.

It takes minutes to heat up while it takes years to cool down. Giving up is not going to be easy rather you normalize it gradually and see how it goes. It will take a very long time and effort.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Actually I divorce with my ex hubby cos of him. My ex hubby can't give me Wat I want in life.

Everyone has his or her good and bad side in life, unless you said your ex hubby is a jerk, otherwise leaving him for another married man that love his family is something that you may have made a wrong move at that time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Actually this man promise to look after mi for 3 month but in drag until 5 year plus. Some time is Easy to say n done n I trying to give him up. Actually is the things that he does for mi all e care when I m down n until today I achieve Wat I have.

This man is not out for hunting but if fruits drop in front of him, must well eat it. He don't seems to be a cheongster, that why you said he at time care when you are sick or when you are down but ultimately he don't want a very close relationship as he knew he cannot afford to with his married status and no means to divorce his happy family because of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Seriously without him I Don know how will it be. I just feel happy that I m with him no trouble he is like my mentor. I never say I want his everything can't I have a guy with mi when I need a shoulder / listener ear I never wan any status from him.

Not that you cannot do without him, it is because feeling has gone deep into you that let you feel he is great. There are greater one around too except you have not encounter any yet due to love is blind.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyInNeed

Y guy break off wan to be friend I no need that it will cause more hurt.

This is because of feeling and love within you, if not wrong he just want to normalize it and did not mend to completely terminate relationship to become stranger, only human in this situation interpret it as break off. You need to create your own happy family but certainly not with him but with him at a small corner of your heart.

You sacrifice your marriage because he offer something that your ex did not provide you however he is not prepare to sacrifice his marriage because you offer something that his wife did not provide him. Apparently what you offer is not really that critical to him. Relationship build on this kind of background cannot last long, 5 to 7 years you will see the changes.

If you were to continue your relationship, you can only be a second fiddle. As time goes by and age catching up, feeling and perception of things will change.

Take Care

hijav · #14 21-03-2015, 11:17 AM

Sound advice from a2014!

The more you try to keep hold of him because of fear of losing him, you are ACTUALLY losing him!

You are seen as a desperate, needy and insecured person to him and in his opinion, all the more he wants you out of his life. He doesnt see you as attractive anymore and instead, more of a liability to him.

Its good that you know you must NOT be his friend. I made this mistake for 8 years myself and was made to pay for it. You say 5 year relationship is hard to give up? Let me share something with you. I was in love with the same woman for 8 years only to find out she had stopped loving me that many years ago herself.

Im still alive and had moved on even though it was heartbreaking at first.

You thought yours was long, there are others like me out there who are even longer than yours!

Wake up to reality and move on with your life. If he doesnt treasure you now, he isnt ever going to treasure you!

porscheclub · #15 21-03-2015, 12:04 PM

Lady's lost in love. I can relate to your feelings now, it does drive one crazy & do the unexpected if you don't let it go.

Time heals everything.

Pick yourself up, only you can do that & love is only 20% of our life. Trust me, even a loving happily, married couple will have their low tides so be glad that every morning you wake up to a new day because there's sunlight & hope. There are many people who can't even struggle through the night so cherish your life.

He's history. Go write your own life.