The typical Singaporean family: Underpaid, struggling and in debt

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An honorable member of the Coffee Shop Has Just Posted the Following:

The typical Singaporean family: Underpaid, struggling and in
debts



Hi Gilbert,

I found your website earlier on. I know you are not able
to help, but anyway I’ll just write to you, hoping it will release some of my
tensions.

Probably, I can start with what’s worrying me these few
years.

I feel that my life is very miserable since I got married in 2004 – we always
had issues with money. When we just got married, my husband and I have a low
combined income – about $2.3k thereabout and we really struggled with our
expenses.

Now, he has a better job with doubled income compared to the time when we
just got married. I also have a new fulltime job but I couldn’t bring home my
full pay because I have many unpaid and medical leave due to my medical
condition.

Things are not going well even though our combined income is now more than
what we used to earn. The money we earned is never enough to pay for all our
bills and the accured debts just keep on piling up.

In 2006, my job was
at stake. I was very stressed with both my personal life and job. Soon after, I
started to be absent from work regularly – more from failing to deal with my
depression than anything else.

I have regular attacks of headaches, migraines, sleepless nights, became hot
tempered and very sensitive.

I have once overdosed myself with sleeping pills. My husband was quick to
realise that I have taken an abnormal dosage of my sleeping pills and brought
me to the hospital.

The police came to my ward and questioned me. I keep denying that I have
suicidal thoughts.

I told them that I had a bad headache and I just couldn’t sleep.

The officers then took my statements and warned me not to repeat my
intentions again (I knew they wont be taken in).

My parents soon came to know about the suicidal incident and they offered
to help me and my husband after I explained to them out financial problem.

They then used their savings to lend us $10k to settle our debts and any
outstanding bills.

However, things are still not good right now.

I feel that we have more debts than ever – like history is repeating
itself.

It’s even worst now – I have to pay my parents monthly for the loan they
lend us, plus the loan they lent us when we got married and that is about $16k
for our house renovation.

Since my husband’s income has met the eligible requirement for bank loan and
credit card, we apply for those credit facilities - in the hope to clear our
outstanding bills and debts.

I feel that my life is all wasted on this money issue. I’m feeling so tired
with my life right now…is there no light at the end of the tunnel for me?

Though I have a job. I seldom take back the full pay of about $1.3k monthly
because I have many unpaid and medical leaves.

My regular unpaid leave also make my employer and colleagues have negative
impression of me.

I have frequent headaches and fall ill too often.

I still have sleepless nights even if I take medication to help my insomia
- that is part of the reason why I am always absent from work.

I am
still not blessed with a child - this is also part of my worry.

Since 2010, my husband and I have went to KKH to seek for fertility
treatment.

After all the tests, we were both declared medically normal.

I was on some hormone medicine to help me conceive, but still no baby – not
being able to conceive is an added stress for me. I feel so abnormal.

I
really dont know how to lead my life now.

I’m really feeling lost, even with my hubby around. I just dont know where to
begin with and how.

The truth is, I harboured thoughts of suicide whenever I’m lonely.

I know that my husband is very stressed with our current situation and he is
a lot stronger than i am.

I rather disappear from the lives of my loves ones, especially my
parents.

As of today, our bills are really piling up again – the power supply company
has given us termination letter, intending to cut off our supply in a week’s
time if we still don’t pay up our outstanding bills.

I called them to ask if I can extend the payment and whether we can just
pay partially.

They say that they can only extend 5 more days and we will need to at least
settle half of the outstanding bill.

The banks have also given their final reminders, telling us to pay all the
outstanding amount or they will terminate our account which will result in
having to settle the full amount.

Every month is hell for me. I can never find a way to settle these
issues.

Thank you for listening.

This is the first time I share my problems and worries with a stranger.

I’m not sure if there will be anyone who will be reading this but thanks
anyway.

Regds,

Polly

************

Hi Polly

Thanks for writing in and I appreciate your sharing.

Financial woes is one of the main issue that causes many people to have
emotional and marital distress in Singapore.

I have received many letters similar to yours – so rest assured that you are
not alone.

Frankly, in inflation-high Singapore, our low starting pay has caused many
people to spiral into financial troubles easily if we don’t manage our finances
well.

I have been through your situation before when I was jobless in 2001 and
went into extreme depression (suicidal too) for many months. Its a miracle that
I have survived that episode.

I couldn’t sleep well and for many months went through life without much
meaning. I finally found a job in 2002 paying me $1500 a month working in the
social service sector and things became better after that.

Of course, I have moved on after that with other better paying jobs as I
can’t even survive on $1500 on my own let alone taking care of my family.

However, I always felt that in any adversity it will cause one to be
stronger – the problem is you need to go through it and that can be very
painful.

Whenever I go through any troubles nowadays, I always try to find a meaning
behind my suffering.

What can I learn out of it? If I just quit, I wouldn’t have learn much from
the adversity.

I have also used my jobless episode to start a support organisation helping
many hundreds of jobless people in the process.

My life example plus my ability to empathsize with how the jobless people
felt have allowed me to bless many people in the process.

It also felt good helping people and I regained the meaning of my existence
again!

Unfortunately, to be stronger, we need to go through much adversity in life
or else we are always in the same safe mode. Life is like a standstill without
us growing at all.

I know that sometimes the situation does overwhelmed us. It looks like we
are being swarm by life’s adversities and there is no reprieve.

One good way to come out of your situation is to have a good chat with your
hubby – man normally is mentally stronger and are more able to handle
situations.

Share with him how you feel – your fears, weaknesses and depression.

Work out a proper detailed plan on how you are going to settle the debts –
down to the very cent.

Women by nature are more insecure and when they have financial worry they
tend to lose control of their life. Its normal and you don’t have to feel too
bad about it…

Another good way out is to refocus how you think.

I believe that you are always thinking of the negative stuff and that is
causing you alot of headache.

Do you read?

Do get a good positive-thinking book and immerse yourself in it.

Reading a good positive-thinking book helps me alot to focus on the goodness
in life. Try it…

Whenever you feel like engrossing yourself into negative thoughts,
deliberately snap yourself out of it and try to focus on the positive. Think of
the good times you have with your husband or parents…it can be done easily.

You could also deliberately replace negative thoughts with positive ones by
memorising positive phrases. I did that when I was jobless in 2001 and it has
helped me through many sleepless nights.

I also read positive phrases online and watch positive youtube videos to
psyche myself up.

Exercising also helps alot when one is in depression.

When one is in motion, the body releases feel-good endorphines making one
feels light-hearted all over again.

You can do it twice or thrice a week depending on your schedule. The physical
discipline has helped me alot through many of my life’s difficult phases.

Lastly, I want to assign a counsellor for you – its free of charge and I
think by talking to someone neutral you can be more free to express
yourself.

Let me know if this is ok with you.

All this shall pass – dont give up!

We are here for you.

Thanks & Warmest Regards,

Gilbert Goh


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