After 15 years...

[Vic134]

I knew my husband since I was 14. Become BF/GF at 18. My parents didn't like him so I left home at 21 to stay w him and his mom. Got married at 24 and a year later, had a baby girl who is 8 this year. Throughout the years, there was a lot of ups and down.

- he gambles and owe people big sum of money that we almost had to run
- he strays a couple of times but we got back together (i am no angel myself, did have 2 flings before we were married but end up together again)
- was unemployed most of the time so I had to support 'us'

After we got married, he had an affair with a PRC in 2007. It lasted about a year and he came back to the family whole fully.

Last year in Aug, started an affair again with another PRC. But this time, he has gone totally mad. The last affair, he maybe didn't come home for a night at the most but this one he wasn't coming home for 10 days. This PRC has given him about 100k and he had gamble it all away so he feels that he owes this PRC big time. I can see that first he was not so into her, as in I still come first. But after awhile, I can see that he is emotionally attached to her. Even if I am sick, he doesn't care.

Of course my fault was, I went crazy and hysterical when his relationship with her got serious. I am going through roller coaster of emotions and when I talk to him calmly, he will break down but still never go back to his senses. He said that he is no longer in love with me but he doesn't want a divorce. For me, I want to save this family because I do love him and for my daughter.

I am posting here because I just need an outlet. At the end of the day, if he really wants to go, I can't force him. I am jus disappointed with him. The husband that I know can fool around but at then end of the day, me and my daughter still come first. He has change.

I can't believe the person that I love most and dote most has the heart to betray me this way. I had lost 12kg in a month, had eyes infection from crying too much and my veins at my forehead are all starting to show, maybe I strain my face when I cry. The only thing he said that he will come back, he promise.

[Wizrd]

.

Sorry to hear this sis...

And maybe you do not need advice....but...

Nobody owns another person wholly...not even slaves...

From his pattern, he is unlikely to change. Of course, you are entitled to go for what you want out of life, but I think we often choose something purely out of sentimentality when we should be more practical.

In many of life choices, not choosing sensibly has a small price attached and we are usually able to live with the price...but in some...that price affects others as well as us, and in drastic amounts.

You are at a crossroad now and you have to choose....it is always a dilemma to choose between someone we love and someone who loves us...and in your case, your alternatives have not been listed...but you can choose to hang around or to leave...

Neither is more right or more wrong but you do have to live with your choice...

Shit happens in life but how we deal with them to make our lives...crying really doesn't solve anything nor help in any way...get the crying out of your system and make a decision...

There is no point thinking about the past and who did right and who did wrong...use the facts that you have today and choose what is best for you...frankly, when people tell me that they stay with someone for the kids, I do not get it...are the kids really better off in a cold and not-loving environment? Or are they just doing it to save face? Well, if face is more important than long term happiness, go for it...not for me though...

Sorry I can't help much...

Best of luck...



.

[Big Sexy]

lady, you should just dump that no good husband of yours.
he doesn't deserved you.

Originally Posted by Vic134

But after awhile, I can see that he is emotionally attached to her. Even if I am sick, he doesn't care.

He said that he is no longer in love with me but he doesn't want a divorce.

[darrendon]

Since over so many years, he still gambles and womanize without even feeling remorse, there is problem with his conscious.
And on top of that, he knows that you are aware of his actions and yet don't care about your feelings and your daughter.

I know decision is hard to make especially when you have already been through so much. But then living alone with your daughter is not a bad idea after all.

To him, there is nothing to lose since you are supporting him financially.
It is your daughter who will be affected by his action. And it will leave a deep mark in her bringing up.
A father is the first man whom your daughter meet and love. So she will treat her father as a role model and the father action will deeply influence her.

So you might want to seriously consider separation from him.
Sad to say but that's how life is.

[raftime68]

Sorry to hear and wat u have go through hard Ship. Yes i do agree what darrendon have said. u need to consider separation seriously, bec will affect your daughter future and u need to be strong and stand firm. for u not end the world and u got daughter with u. why not u focus on daughter rather than ur husband. if really he love his family , he have made firm decision, but never happen that way. so for now u have stand two leg and made firm decision, u have tell urself u r strong and u can do it. don waste your life for nothing. this is survival.

[sane]

Originally Posted by Vic134

Of course my fault was, I went crazy and hysterical when his relationship with her got serious. I am going through roller coaster of emotions and when I talk to him calmly, he will break down but still never go back to his senses. He said that he is no longer in love with me but he doesn't want a divorce. For me, I want to save this family because I do love him and for my daughter.

I can't believe the person that I love most and dote most has the heart to betray me this way. I had lost 12kg in a month, had eyes infection from crying too much and my veins at my forehead are all starting to show, maybe I strain my face when I cry. The only thing he said that he will come back, he promise.

Sorry to say this but he will eventually leave you once he found a better one or his prc gf got pregnant.

This happened to my friends, their husbands left them for the other woman despite clinging on hope for many yrs but fortunately, they divorced young and all are blissfully married now with kids.

For the sake of your daughter, get a hold of yourself before u get depression or severe mental breakdown.

Get help from your family and friends. find somebody to talk to, things to do.
u feel miserable because u still hinder hope on him. i would rather u give this junk husband of yours to the PRC. He is just a burden.

The sooner u decide to walk out, the faster ur heart will heal and able to start life afresh.

Treasure your youth.

[Summerhillt]

sorry to hear about your situation sis. don't cry stay strong.. but nowdays the society burden on single parent family is really huge.. if you moved out of your own family to stay with him means that you most likely wont turn back to your parents to cope with raising up your daughter..

i say upgrade yourself with courses get a stable job and just bear in mind that you have a daughter to rear thats all.. hope you can cope fine!!

[hamsapkwai]

短痛比长痛好

[oshkosh]

Hi Ts

I emphatise with you on what you are going through now. Even though words cant fully describe the thousands of daggers piercing through your heart at all times of the day even when you are sleeping, try to be strong and avoid a mental breakdown.

People would most likely tell you that he is not worth it and you should give him up and move on in life. However, it is not so easy adhering to this advice. For now, just try to stay cool and go about your daily routine. try not to feel anything lest you cry.

There is an old cliche: " what dont kill you, makes you stronger."

Be stronger for yourself.

I sincerely hope you will be all right in time to come.

Cheers

[FallenLove]

I feel for u....Not able to give much advice n I dun think dats wat u wan neither. Good to pen it all down to "release" yr emotions (for me, I type away in my notepad n felt calmer). 2 things though:
U shouldn't think it yr fault for going hysterical coz dats a natural reaction n u did calm down to have a talk with him.
Dun force yrself to stay in a marriage becoz of yr kid. Many may say differently but I believe dat kids nowadays r v v smart - they wouldn't wan to b the reason their mum had to b stuck & suffering. For all u know, yr kid may be thinking y is it mum still putting up with this....man.
Lastly I'm sure u will b strong, a woman had to be after living thru all these. Go ahead and cry (there's worse when already hurt too much till can't even cry), but after all the release of emotions, start thinking for your path ahead with yr kid....

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by sane

Sorry to say this but he will eventually leave you once he found a better one or his prc gf got pregnant.

This happened to my friends, their husbands left them for the other woman despite clinging on hope for many yrs but fortunately, they divorced young and all are blissfully married now with kids.

For the sake of your daughter, get a hold of yourself before u get depression or severe mental breakdown.

Get help from your family and friends. find somebody to talk to, things to do.
u feel miserable because u still hinder hope on him. i would rather u give this junk husband of yours to the PRC. He is just a burden.

The sooner u decide to walk out, the faster ur heart will heal and able to start life afresh.

Treasure your youth.

Yup very true. In fact i think TS should seek advice from her parents, her parents are proven right with their judgement after all. Treasure your family members and beloved daughter more as they are the ones who will be there for u.

[wtf999]

Alot of ppl say this. Wanna womanize, dun get caught. After womanizing remember to go home I always like this saying from a friend. A person's life has alot of bus stops but only 1 interchange. Ur husband seems to think that the interchange moved. So why bother about him? Its only 1 bus. I rather u focus on ur kid more and find a better man. Ur husband is not worth ur time...

[Max77]

It depend what you want, If you want your husband's heart, you lose:

Bcoz u dunno how to keep a man's heart by letting him feel 'indebt' to you- like (most) prc girl whose very good at, winning man's heart over.

If not interested in winning him back then just change what you WANT lor.

Set target and work toward it no point dwelling too much about it.

(You must first determine WHAT you want first :P)

[wally888]

Move on....maybe u can find a more deserving man than your husband......

[Horchew]

We were born into this world alone,
We live alone, We die alone
Only through our Love & Friendship can we
create the illusion For The Moment that we're not alone

~Orson Welles~