Need advice on Sour marriage life..

topcook1 · #1 17-12-2011, 03:10 PM

I been married for more than 10 years and have 2 daughters age 8 and 6. My marriage has been very sour since 6 years ago. Right now no much communication with OC at most speak just few words with her per day. Sometimes she will raise the divorce issue with me. Guess her heart is no longer here. I had not been making love with her couple of months coz now we sleep in separate room. There is no feeling between us as we dont care for each other liaoz. Currently I am like bachelor , wherever I goes she dont bother and she likes to go drinking and clubbing too....Hope brudders give me some good advice. One main factor of our fail marriage is that she everything listen to her mum and we got to sacrifice our house and live her mum....sigh..

esssinine · #2 17-12-2011, 03:30 PM

It`s hard when love has died. Even if u try revive it , it will never be the same again.

topcook1 · #3 17-12-2011, 03:31 PM

I just cling on to it...everytime I wanna talk and she just raise her anger. Lastly I asked her to go for marriage counselling and she shut her door and say is useless one. Anyway I suspect that she might have an affair too. Her heart is no longer here liaoz. How ??Is kind of a torture life and I just quit my job too.

arsenal_84 · #4 17-12-2011, 03:33 PM

somehow i get the feeling that you want to keep the family together but your wife has no such intention.
does your kids understand the situation ?
if they understand your pov, then it can be easier on your part to agree to your wife decision.
though it may not be mutual, you need to let your kids know who was the one who let the situation spiral into this mess.

apart from your MIL, is there any other issues that compounded the situation to your current state ?

arsenal_84 · #5 17-12-2011, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

I just cling on to it...everytime I wanna talk and she just raise her anger. Lastly I asked her to go for marriage counselling and she shut her door and say is useless one. Anyway I suspect that she might have an affair too. Her heart is no longer here liaoz. How ??Is kind of a torture life and I just quit my job too.

omg...you used to have an affair before ?
this is probably the killing factor, once her heart has moved on, there is no going back.
get a PI to follow her and you might be able to move on too with ease.

topcook1 · #6 17-12-2011, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arsenal_84

omg...you used to have an affair before ?
this is probably the killing factor, once her heart has moved on, there is no going back.

I dont have any affair before..My children is too young to understand...There is too much accumulated issue which started few years ago...Once the mirror is crack is difficult to mend back. I live for my daughters sake.

arsenal_84 · #7 17-12-2011, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

I dont have any affair before..My children is too young to understand...

but she caught evidence of your chionging ways ?
no children is ever too young to understand if you don't explain to them, never underestimate their EQ levels.
or you could wait till they are at least 10 years old before going through a divorce.

topcook1 · #8 17-12-2011, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arsenal_84

but she caught evidence of your chionging ways ?
no children is ever too young to understand if you don't explain to them.
or you could wait till they are at least 10 years old before going through a divorce.

I dont have any affair ...just look for FLs outside. She has no idea of my chiong way...

SHalone · #9 17-12-2011, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

I dont have any affair ...just look for FLs outside. She has no idea of my chiong way...

Seem u have quit your job, your main focus should be getting yourself a job back and have some source of income.
I advise u get PI to get some evidence if u believe she is having an affair, this could be your only possible bargaining chip later if the divorce is to go ahead.

Don't act rush, get a job. Continue your best efforts to work things if u still wanna keep the family but on the other hand be prepared for the worse.

Someone told me the day a couple get divorce, the only topic to be discussed is money of cos other than kids.

brightbluesky · #10 17-12-2011, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

I just cling on to it...everytime I wanna talk and she just raise her anger. Lastly I asked her to go for marriage counselling and she shut her door and say is useless one. Anyway I suspect that she might have an affair too. Her heart is no longer here liaoz. How ??Is kind of a torture life and I just quit my job too.

u are headed for divorce the moment u quit your job

with no earning power, pal, u are useless...

rather, u are more useless than useless...

and u want her to have sex with u?

wake up

scoobyhoo · #11 17-12-2011, 05:54 PM

if you had just quited your job, find another one a.s.a.p.

children are intelligent, they know what happen if you could explain to them. tell them you love them if you do. and tell them you want to retain the relationship with their mother if you do. tell them and they will understand.

tell your wife if you still love her. just tell her your feelings and what you want - whether to retain the relationship with her.

do all these, and even if she insists on divorcing you, you will have no guilt.
you have done all you could. and even it comes to the worst, just let it be..
(chinese proverb - the sky wants to rain, the mother wants to remarry other guy.. let it be..)

ilovesingapore · #12 17-12-2011, 06:09 PM

looking for FLs is as bad as having an affair. if her mum is an obstacle, then why you marry her, dun blame ppl, blame on your poor decision. You can nullify you marriage, then apply divorce. Find a job and start life afresh.

sgjoey · #13 17-12-2011, 10:40 PM

Looking for other sex partners, whether FL or having affairs are examples of non-monogamous behavior. Do not be too quick to label it as bad or good. It may simply be natural.

Can a marriage survive non-monogamous behaviour? Yes, provided both partners want to remain together. If the wish to remain together is absent, a marriage could fall apart, non-monogamous behavior or not.

cuntarow · #14 17-12-2011, 11:14 PM

Hi bro sad to hear this but most importantly is do u really wants to salvage this relationship, as u mention u live on for the kids only and u have not have sex with ur spouse for few month so I suppose the real issue happen only few month back.

Think hard have you commit any thing during past few month that actually leads to today, as this is not heathy and dragging will eventually leads to separation it only a matter of time.

Bur if u sincerely wants to salvage it trash things out tell her what u feels don,t need to beat round the bush. Suspecting he having an affair is only secondary as if she has no feel for u anymore the adultery would have happen many years back and not recently only.

But if you are only concern bout the two kids than even if you are separated you can still carry out duties as a father it wo,t makes any difference.

Hopes this can help and if poss like what all bro say divorce should be last on list.

God bless you

Ichigo_Kurosaki · #15 18-12-2011, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by topcook1

I been married for more than 10 years and have 2 daughters age 8 and 6. My marriage has been very sour since 6 years ago. Right now no much communication with OC at most speak just few words with her per day. Sometimes she will raise the divorce issue with me. Guess her heart is no longer here. I had not been making love with her couple of months coz now we sleep in separate room. There is no feeling between us as we dont care for each other liaoz. Currently I am like bachelor , wherever I goes she dont bother and she likes to go drinking and clubbing too....Hope brudders give me some good advice. One main factor of our fail marriage is that she everything listen to her mum and we got to sacrifice our house and live her mum....sigh..

As an outsider, and not being judgmental who's at fault.

Divorce or cling on to a loveless marriage hoping that time will improve the relationship is entirely your choice.

Even if you anticipate an eventual divorce. You need to think hard on these central issues: The future custody and care of your children and money issues