Sex Addicts Anonymous

glfingers · #1 06-01-2004, 04:41 PM

I'm a sex addict who trying to kick the habit. I thought I'll havea go at it with a partner or two. If any brudders out there have the same problems and want to seek help, why not share your story. Maybe can lend a sympathetic ear to one another. Here's my story:

I'm 34 years old , married for about 3 yrs. I started masturbating at a very young age. I remember being so young, there wasn't cum at all. The first time I ever ejaculated was when I was masturbating to some dirty magazines I found in my father's drawer. That was during primary school. I started dating in primary 6 and all through secondary school and JC. I was too shy to do anything with my girlfriends who were quite decent girls. When I broke up with my JC girlfriend during my BMT, I started on a sex binge. I started with cat50 hasbeens because that was all I could afford on a recruit's pay. Later when the thai cat 40 came onto the scene, I became a geylang regular. During my army days, I fell in love with my current wife, yet throughout the 8 or 9 years we dated, I continually visited the cat40 on a weekly basis. I prefer to have sex with my girlfriend because the orgasms were stronger and of course there was no time limit. We would go to geylang hotels, and the excitement was what I needed. But after we got married, something happended. Married sex totally lost it's illicitness. I like to have sex only when it was not condoned or acceptable to general norms. I began raising the stakes, going for the best cat150 and freelancers from Russia, Poland, Italy, Colombia, Argentina, Japan, Korea and China. At home, I began to experience a sexual anorexia. I was disinterested in sex with my wife and looked forward to opportunities for more illicit sex. I've tried many time to quit cold turkey, but all it takes is an invitation from my OKT an a promise of a gorgeous freelancer to shake my will. I also realise a depression setting in, I'm unhappy with my job and my state of finances. This low feeling, I read, is the body's natural coping mechanism to the dopamin overdose that occurs with every orgasm. I have an orgasm practically everyday, and illicit sex at least once a week for the past three years. Once quite athletic, I've also stopped exercising, prefering a dopamin wave over an endorphin rush. Recently, I've read that Celexa has worked for some sex-addict without affecting normal sex drive. If the cure for sex addiction, lies in correcting a nutritional imbalance, then hope is truly in sight. Still, I'm cautious of popping prescription drugs as these usually have side-effects. Right now I'm researching on natural ways to up my serotonin level. hopefully, I can share my success story here with people who wants to regain control of their lives.

bbbjkim · #2 06-01-2004, 05:18 PM

Hi brudder, sorry to hear that. First of all can you clarify the following:
- wat is celexa?
- wat is dopamin ?

for me, I would not classified myself as an addict but I do have rather high sex drive. about 2 - 3 cum a week via HJ or pros.

anyway, I believe exercise certainly helps and getting busy with oneself such as some project, work or go out with gf.

all the best.

Quote:

Originally posted by glfingers
I'm a sex addict who trying to kick the habit. I thought I'll havea go at it with a partner or two. If any brudders out there have the same problems and want to seek help, why not share your story. Maybe can lend a sympathetic ear to one another. Here's my story:

I'm 34 years old , married for about 3 yrs. I started masturbating at a very young age. I remember being so young, there wasn't cum at all. The first time I ever ejaculated was when I was masturbating to some dirty magazines I found in my father's drawer. That was during primary school. I started dating in primary 6 and all through secondary school and JC. I was too shy to do anything with my girlfriends who were quite decent girls. When I broke up with my JC girlfriend during my BMT, I started on a sex binge. I started with cat50 hasbeens because that was all I could afford on a recruit's pay. Later when the thai cat 40 came onto the scene, I became a geylang regular. During my army days, I fell in love with my current wife, yet throughout the 8 or 9 years we dated, I continually visited the cat40 on a weekly basis. I prefer to have sex with my girlfriend because the orgasms were stronger and of course there was no time limit. We would go to geylang hotels, and the excitement was what I needed. But after we got married, something happended. Married sex totally lost it's illicitness. I like to have sex only when it was not condoned or acceptable to general norms. I began raising the stakes, going for the best cat150 and freelancers from Russia, Poland, Italy, Colombia, Argentina, Japan, Korea and China. At home, I began to experience a sexual anorexia. I was disinterested in sex with my wife and looked forward to opportunities for more illicit sex. I've tried many time to quit cold turkey, but all it takes is an invitation from my OKT an a promise of a gorgeous freelancer to shake my will. I also realise a depression setting in, I'm unhappy with my job and my state of finances. This low feeling, I read, is the body's natural coping mechanism to the dopamin overdose that occurs with every orgasm. I have an orgasm practically everyday, and illicit sex at least once a week for the past three years. Once quite athletic, I've also stopped exercising, prefering a dopamin wave over an endorphin rush. Recently, I've read that Celexa has worked for some sex-addict without affecting normal sex drive. If the cure for sex addiction, lies in correcting a nutritional imbalance, then hope is truly in sight. Still, I'm cautious of popping prescription drugs as these usually have side-effects. Right now I'm researching on natural ways to up my serotonin level. hopefully, I can share my success story here with people who wants to regain control of their lives.

glfingers · #3 07-01-2004, 02:47 AM

How do I know I'm a sex addict? There are psychological self-test you can do on the internet. Primarily, when your actions are no longer rational. For example, I can fuck my last dollar away even if I know I can't see the end of the month. That even after some episode of impotence in my matimonial bed, I continue to fuck for sports. Sex addiction is insidious. It creeps slowly on you . The harm is occurs slowly; before you realise the damage to your mental health. Even if you've become emotionally impaired, short tempered, depressed, shallow, unsympathetic, you may not realise that these negative triats are a direct chemical results of dopamin withdrawal. I have experience chills, shakes and convulsions when I try to fight the urge to drive into the lorongs at night. If the same drug-like withdrawal symptoms occurs to you, you're a sex addict.
That it does not interfere with your career, is a fallacy. The more money I make, the more I indulge in my hooker habit. Sex is not that expensive in Singapore and the girls are great. Sometimes, making money becomes less incentivising when you measure it in terms of how many fucks you can get out of it. Not toys, presents, just a chance to cum. In the end you get nothing for all that hard work.

MrDevil · #4 07-01-2004, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bbbjkim
Hi brudder, sorry to hear that. First of all can you clarify the following:
- wat is celexa?
- wat is dopamin ?

for me, I would not classified myself as an addict but I do have rather high sex drive. about 2 - 3 cum a week via HJ or pros.

anyway, I believe exercise certainly helps and getting busy with oneself such as some project, work or go out with gf.

all the best.

i believe 2~3 times a week is pretty normal and healthly sex lifestyle, at least to me... wait till you reach once or twice daily or hitting more than 15 time a week at some week, i guess should be called high sex drive

glfingers · #5 08-01-2004, 05:22 PM

Sex addiction is just like alcoholism. An alcoholic drinks not because he is thirsty. So offering him water doesn't help. A sex addict fucks not because he is horny, so sex with significant others doesn't help at all.
I'm a sex addict not because I have a strong sex drive. If that drive is for the same woman, (eg, girlfriend, wife) you can have sex 5 times a day and that's still healthy!. I'm a sex addict because I need to fuck different women all the time. I seldom do repeats even if the hooker is very very gorgeous. I'm addicted to risque, commercial sex, not your normal lovey-dovey sex. That's why sex addiction is tricky. How do you kill the desire for one type of sex but not the other? The answer could be in the different types of chemical released by the brain during the two activities. Love, companionship generates ocytylin which calms you down and gives you a feeling of wellness. Lust and illicit sex generates dopamin and even adrenaline that gives you a high similar to the high you get when you do something for the first time. There also an excitement similar to gambling or stealing or beating up someone. My breathing becomes heavy, the heart pounds stronger and there's a feeling of a wave swelling from deep in the diaphragm area. Anyone got this feeling when you're hunting for sex?

Anyway, it's very tough controlling it when the feeling starts to swell. Two days ago, late morning I was hungry for lunch and my OKT call me to offer me this young isetan cosmetic salesgirl. I get confused sometimes between hunger for food and hunger for sex. So I said yes. Two hours later, my sexual hunger was satisfied I didn't even feel hungry after the fuck. Today, the reversed happened. I was driving past Geylang and by sheer force of habit, my dick ask me to go for a quick one. I stopped my car and bought a packet of milk. No more urge for sex! Maybe food can be stopgap substitute.

glfingers · #6 08-01-2004, 05:43 PM

thank you brudders for your valuable advise. I can see that there is general consensus that work and exercise seem to have worked at times. I think the when the brain gets it adrenalin (from work), ocytilin (from workplace camaraderie) and endorphin (from exercise), it can stay doped up for some time without dopamin withdrawals. Maybe, us sex addicts have a genetic/or nutritional deficiency in something that could sustain the correct level of serotonin to prevent normal people from acting out their sexual fantasies. Vitamin B complexes maybe helpful in transforming dietary trytophan to serotonin. Vitamin B deficiency could cause mouth ulcers which I'm prone to. Anyone have the same problems? I will start taking vitamin B supplements to see if that helps to reduce urges

glfingers · #7 08-01-2004, 06:09 PM

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment

Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?
8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?
11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

ayako · #8 08-01-2004, 10:57 PM

sigh. too bad you are born in Singapore. you would have made a great porn star. you will go far as your work satisfies your addiction.

glfingers · #9 09-01-2004, 01:07 AM

I used to think that porn is a good catharsis to actually going out to look for prostitutes.But the jerking off to porn does the same thing to your head. You get a high and you're OK for a few more days. By the end of the week the same level of excitement is not enough anymore for the same high and off to geylang I go. So yes it does stave off some hunger but once you know you can get a higher level of excitement, there's little reason to hold back. Why fantasize about a sexy blonde when you easily fuck one in Orchard? Bottom line is sex addiction kills your true self. You are emotionally seperated from everyone you love because you keep this dark secret from everyone. Some 12 step program suggest coming out and telling everyone about your problems. I think my wife won't be able to take the shock that I've slept with over 500 hookers over the past ten years. She probably won't believe it even!

newyorker88 · #10 09-01-2004, 04:41 PM

Dear Bros,
I had my fears and down fall like most of you who are brave to admit and post your own history here for all to see. I too was a sex addict from young, maybe from the age of 10 or so. Discovered masterbation at 11, my didi would start to get hard at first and it feels good to play on it. Until I orgaism. But being so young at that time, I begin to feel a lot of guilt in doing so and stun myself. Of course, my grades in school suffered a bit, and upon reaching 13 or so, that is when I had more exposal to others regarding the opposite sex. It was at first the porn movies or blue tapes as we use to name it. I got very excited at it and cannot tahan, and my didi marikita all the way. It was the begining of my down, I feel that I wanted to masterbate everyday, 2 or 3 times, at one stage, when aids first appeared in 1984, nobody knows how it is being spread. But the fear and commotion is very big. I tot that I had AIDS! Because I had a tear on my didi, from too much Hand Job and it hurts. At that time, there is still no sex education and each of us is on our own to find out about sex. Come to think about it, it may be funny, but it is true for us when we are younger and there is there no information. So it went on, and me begin to fanatise on how I can get more pleasure. Lost it when I am 17. And the thrill is there, it never fails to relieve me and pretty soon, I began to be hooked to HJ and sex. Anthing that will make me come. Even tried toothpaste and soap, and hand lotion, just to feel how it is to make me cum. At my worst time, I can just stay in my room, just to watch movies and movies. Doing a 6 times a day, until my whole body become so weak.Never tried to have a GF then at that time, just commerical ones. Or HJ on my own. Through out my school days, I just keep to myself and not interested in getting a GF, because the fun of sticking to one is not there, You just need to see a different ass. Like John Kennedy famous sentence" I will have a headache if I dont see a strange piece of ass everyday". I just love doing it daily. It was NS that start to change my life. All day training, and leave me not much time to think about sex. Of course, my vocation takes me out into the jungle most of the time. In bunk, I would be too busy talking and making fun with my buddies. When booking out, I will go out and cheong, but with that type of pay... what can you do? Once ? or twice a month? THe rest just HJ. Never dare to do in army, I mean HJ, too many guys around. Of Course, overseas trips are best, there are lots of gals to see and chose from. Like my NS days when we go to Taiwan and Thailand. Yes, the R & R. We still find ways to find gals even in the fields! Hahahaha, some older brothers will know.
Maybe this is just a dark period of my life when I am younger. When I am about to finish my NS, I start to think back abt my body and what I am doing. Somehow, I begin to wake up that I have to stop. Doing HJ, using water, hoses, and anything, u can be as creative as you want to be, just dont hurt your brother, in acheving an orgaism. I tot I am just plain crazy. But the thoughts never go away. I ever tot that I need to see a psychologist. But never had the guts to do it. It was only after meeting a friend of mine, whom I trust up to now. That was my turning pt of my life. He assurred me that I am not crazy, and have to care for my body as well. All guys have a tendency to have sex, and it is natural. Be it a HJ or FJ. We need to have sex. He asked me to get a GF and channel my energy to her. Of course, it is not easy to get myself commited to her. Maybe she will faint at my sexual activities since young. I still dare not tell her of my past and maybe I will never. We have sex reguarly and me still cheong at times. However, I have to admit that I am lucky to have my GF and she is more of a support to me mentally and a source for my sexual grafication. I have since cut down on my HJ frequency and my cheonging habits. Is it age? Or is she changing my life? It been 4 years since I meet her and my sex life has changed. I am glad to have meet my friend and my GF. I dont think I am crazy abt sex, but just learning to accept my sex life as it is.

glfingers · #11 11-01-2004, 11:53 PM

Thank guys for sharing your stories here. I'm happy to report I haven't been to hookers for two days. But today there was a raid in GL Chinatown so may be I canabstain for a few days.

glfingers · #12 12-01-2004, 09:18 AM

Excessive masturbation can cause kidney and liver weakness, hair loss, tiredness, premature ejaculation, and penis shrinkage. Read about the symptoms and herbal cures for excessive masturbation here:
http://www.herbolove.com/library/res..._shrinkage.asp

How much is too much masturbation (and sex for that matter)? That depends but doctors recommend men to keep their ejaculation frequency down to 2-3 times a week.
Over-masturbaters would experience problems with concentration and memory. This is a dangerous side effect of over-masturbation and signals that the brain is being over drained of acetylcholine. Over-masturbating can also drain the motor nerves, neuro-muscular endings, and tissues of acetylcholine and replace it with too much stress adrenalin which is where absentmindedness, memory loss, lack of concentration, and eye floaters come from. To fight these symptoms, the chemical levels in your body needs to be balanced.
Notice a pattern yet? The plethora of problems associated with over-masturbation come from the fact that your body is drained of important nutrients and hormones.

glfingers · #13 12-01-2004, 09:36 AM

fellow sex addicts , Just read that the herb known as "the Will Strengthener," Polygala root, (dunno the chinese name ) can strengthen your will power against dangerous sex. Read more here:
http://www.qualitychineseherbs.com/c...will_power.htm

glfingers · #14 12-01-2004, 09:45 AM

I found this from a blog site started by a recovering sex addict.
http://recoveringsa.blogs.com/recove...surrender.html
This is his technique which he calls surrendering:

"For me, the one that really worked was the combination of these concepts with the recognition that when I lust, I'm trying to soothe some kind of pain or fill some kind of need that only God can fill. So, my surrender prayer is, "God, I surrender my lust to you! Whatever it is I'm trying to find in my lust, may I please find it in you!" I don't just say this prayer...I mean it.

Since discovering surrender, I've had thousands of obsessive thoughts enter my mind about sex, any one of which would have compelled me to act out on them. I've probably had a few dozen just today alone. But never once when I've surrendered have thoughts ended up with any power. They just vanish!

In the beginning (and even now sometimes) I'd be somewhere with hormones raging, internal pain and emptyness screaming, beautiful women around, obsessive thoughts constantly entering my mind about having sex...and I would have to think the surrender prayer over and over and over again. I could not think of anything else. But the really cool thing most of the time anymore is, I can be in the same place, and I think the surrender prayer automatically. I'm not even aware I'm doing it until it's halfway through or already done!
"

glfingers · #15 13-01-2004, 11:00 AM

I had a sexual relapse after 5 days of abstinence. On may way home from work, I drove into Westerhout Rd Hse54 for some big tits. There were new girls there. A mature number 16 who was tall and fair with rather full breasts.
But it was the younger and bigger number 10 whom I suddenly had the craving for. I am a sucker for big breasts. And that's the toughest part of my addiction. When I see big breasts-Cup D and upwards-I lose control.
The second I paid up, I felt a tinge of failure, shame and helplessness. The sex was excruciating this time. I had a good erection but my mind did not enjoy it. For the first time, even before I climaxed, there was some clarity that I did not really want to do it. I felt revulsed after I ejaculated, swearing never to set foot in geylang again. It felt different, very empty, futile and unenjoyable.