Have A Laugh

[BintanBeer]

Thie intention of thread is let all Brothers have an opportunity to share their jokes and let everyone in this forum has a good laugh and release some of our daily stress....

Surgery

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she
wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and
floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret
and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses
carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in
the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality
and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through
this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

[BintanBeer]

Don't lie to Grandma!
Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid.
All the prostitutes werelined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one
As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed, Grandma didn't know her occupation.
Grandma stopped to say hi and asked what the line was for.
Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.
He said, "How the heck do you do this at your age?"
She said, "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck em dry!"
The policeman fainted.

[BintanBeer]

My Next Life

I want to live my next life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for college & high school: drink alcohol, party, and
you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have
no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case

[BintanBeer]

POLISH JOKE


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he
rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce
for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer - Have you any grounds?
Polish - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
Lawyer - No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Polish - It made of concrete.
Lawyer - I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
Polish - No, we have carport, and not need one I mean.
Lawyer - What are your relations like?
Polish - All my relations still in Poland.
Lawyer - Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Polish - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Lawyer - Does your wife beat you up?
Polish - No, I always up before her.
Lawyer - Is your wife a nagger?
Polish - No, she white.
Lawyer - Why do you want this divorce?
Polish - She going to kill me.
Lawyer - What makes you think that?
Polish - I got proof.
Lawyer - What kind of proof?
Polish - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

[BintanBeer]

Little Johnny watched his Daddy ' s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw his Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy ' s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane....At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy ' s face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy ' s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

Mommy fainted.

[BintanBeer]

How Men Think

A woman was in a coma for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a
blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that
there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart
rate.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked.

[BintanBeer]

Stand Up
A priest in a small rural town was very fond of his 10 chickens and the one handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory.

One Saturday night, the priest discovered that the rooster was missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cock-fights being held in town.

Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something.

During Mass he asked the congregation, "Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. "That's not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?"

All the women stood up.

"Oh, no," he said. "That's not what I mean either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn't belong to you?"

Half the women stood up.

"Oh Lord," he said. "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: "Has anybody seen my cock?"

All the choirboys stood up.

[BtmMan]

bro there's already a joke thread

http://sbfsg.agency/showthr...25121&page=588

[BintanBeer]

Grandmotherly advice



My grandmother died in 1965, but her birthday is coming up, and that always causes me to reminisce.


The long walks we used to take to the store on Shettlestone Road, the threepence bits she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the yard ..Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 13.
We were sitting in the garden.....having just finished collecting some 40 lemonade bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day.

She told me that day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.

"And always remember this thing," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandma?" I asked her.


She answered in her soft Scottish twang voice. "she'll mak yer dick look bigger."


Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[BintanBeer]

DEAD SMILES
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the
examination.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love
to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Paddy from Dublin, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?"
inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[BintanBeer]

Paris, Tommy & Elton were walking over a bridge.
Paris trips, and gets her head jammed between the railings.
With a couple of sideways glances, Tommy Lee pulls down her panties and shags her senseless.
He stands back. "Your turn," he tells Elton.
But Elton starts crying.
"What's up?" asks Tommy Lee.
Elton sobs, "My head won't fit between the railings!"

[BintanBeer]

Caught Speeding.

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he
decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and
opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The police officer came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I
haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "last week my wife ran off with a police officer. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

[BintanBeer]

Subject: Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply from a financial person

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)


Ms. Pretty


Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me .

[BtmMan]

Originally Posted by BtmMan

bro there's already a joke thread

http://sbfsg.agency/showthr...25121&page=588

there's already a joke thread...

[BintanBeer]

Thanks Bro,

sorry I didn't know...so to transfer them and continue there or how le?