Should I walk out of my marriage?

[Disillusioned99]

My Husband had been fooling around behind my back. Other than going for HJ, he hooked up with a ML for a year. He spends a lot of his money on her at the expense of our family, our children. He even took up a personal credit line so he can spend on her. He buys her Jewellery and takes her out for meals, etc. They also have sex in hotels.

When I found out, I was very sad but I gave him chance after chance when he told me he will break up with her. But each time, it is just a lie. Until march this year, she called it quits and he went into depression and lost a lot of weight.

In April, he told me he wanted to try again. I agreed to take him back because I love him and also for the sake of the 2 children.

Lately, he changed his job and his new office is opposite the building of the massage parlour. Though he promised me he will not walk to that area, he broke his promises a few times and always found excuses to visit that area.

Lately I saw him posting in Samy Boy about that massage parlour.

Today I found a SMS sent by him to that Slut saying he misses her.

Maybe it is time I move on. Once a cheater forever a cheater?

Ps: all these time I have been satisfying him sexually, so it is not like he is "dry", so he needs to find other outlets.

[SanityManz]

That is sad. But how do you find out so many things about your husband?

It is not easy for you. Hope your husband can wake up soon

[sammyboyfor]

Maybe it is time I move on. Once a cheater forever a cheater?



Yes move on. It is one thing to pay for sex. However when he took the next step and started getting emotionally involved with his favorite whore it is time to call it a day.

There are better men out there.

[Disillusioned99]

That is sad. But how do you find out so many things about your husband?

It is not easy for you. Hope your husband can wake up soon

I guess God is watching out for me. So I do come across the evidence, etc. and many a times, I learnt about his escapades in Samy Boy Forum. Sad, ya?

[cocky1234]

Agree with bro to suggest you to move on. Remember to file for alimony and monthly expenses from him to support the children after divorce. This type of man does not deserved to be pity upon. He never treasure a good woman.

[Unbelieveable]

hi i felt that u should sit down with ur hubby and had a final talk.List out all that he has done and see what he has to say.

[sammyboyfor]

hi i felt that u should sit down with ur hubby and had a final talk.List out all that he has done and see what he has to say.

There's no point. It will only be a temporary fix and he'll back to his old habits in no time at all.

[demonhunter]

You can PM me , I'm a great listener and I give good life pointers ,,,

:)

[orangeproud]

There's no point. It will only be a temporary fix and he'll back to his old habits in no time at all.

死性难改!!:rolleyes:
我觉得就算能留住他的人,留不住他的心也没用,既然他的心已不在这家了!;)
人往往要等到失去了,才来悔不当初!;)
TS,要坚强面对,毕竟日子还要过!:)

[Disillusioned99]

Thanks all for your advice. Indeed, it is time to give up on this man and find someone who deserves my love.

It has been a long and trialing 1.5 years and chances after chances. I finally realize he does not love me and our children. If not, he won't be fooling around and falling in love with such a woman. I forgot to add that he even told me he would walk out of this family and take care of that slut and her son. Blood is thicker than water? Not in my case.

[HonkyTonkyMan]

Lately I saw him posting in Samy Boy about that massage parlour.

Today I found a SMS sent by him to that Slut saying he misses her.

Maybe it is time I move on. Once a cheater forever a cheater?

Ps: all these time I have been satisfying him sexually, so it is not like he is "dry", so he needs to find other outlets.
Can't really tell you what to do, I am no different from him thou i stop at the emotional part...it all depends on you whether you are able to accept his alternative life style...but do remember whatever decisions you take will be life changing not only for both of you but also for your kids...and do let him know too cos it will drain him further financially maybe to the point of bankruptcy..take it from me..i been through it all..

[cocky1234]

Can't really tell you what to do, I am no different from him thou i stop at the emotional part...it all depends on you whether you are able to accept his alternative life style...but do remember whatever decisions you take will be life changing not only for both of you but also for your kids...and do let him know too cos it will drain him further financially maybe to the point of bankruptcy..take it from me..i been through it all..

Good to drain him financially, then lets see the whore will still continue to love him . I bet whore won't. If he chiong and know his boundaries, i am quite ok. But as a man to man, i dont agree on how he treats his wife and kids.

If he doesn't cherish his wife, other man will

[alwaysalone]

Is there any reason to stay?
For him, he will only learn his lesson when he is down and has nothing (read as no money no honey), then he will realise how important is family.

[Greendevil]

Better filed divorce and secure your monthly fees for the kids at the very least, before he spend all his money and run into debt and bankrupt

[zanketon]

hey maybe you should give it a last try and go for marriage counselling. If it still don work then take the last resort.

[Disillusioned99]

hi i felt that u should sit down with ur hubby and had a final talk.List out all that he has done and see what he has to say.

I have had numerous talks and every time he says he will change and be a good husband, good father. But it always have to come back to this. It is like an addiction.

[Disillusioned99]

Can't really tell you what to do, I am no different from him thou i stop at the emotional part...it all depends on you whether you are able to accept his alternative life style...but do remember whatever decisions you take will be life changing not only for both of you but also for your kids...and do let him know too cos it will drain him further financially maybe to the point of bankruptcy..take it from me..i been through it all..

I am sorry but how can I accept his alternative lifestyle? Asking all the men here, is it ok if your wife goes around fucking other men as long as there are no emotional strings tied? My husband told me he cannot accept and if he finds me cheating on him, he will walk out of the marriage.

Then what makes him so special? I cannot and he can? Not like he is super rich and I am dependent on him financially.

[Disillusioned99]

hey maybe you should give it a last try and go for marriage counselling. If it still don work then take the last resort.

Alr gone for sessions with 2 separate counsellors. He is not serious and committed. Going for the sake of going. Our second is a marriage enrichment programmed which we did not even complete. He happily forgot we have not completed the session.

I think for marriage counseling to work, both must be committed.

[MoeLanYong]

I am married with kids. I have never advocated divorce. However, if the contents of your story are undisputed, you should initiate a divorce. Some men are recalcitrant. It could be he thinks he can always get away easy all the time. Cajole you, get you to settle down, then continue to find other women. This type of deal who don't want??

It is not the end of everything. You folks can re-marry in future if you really want. But he has to stop gaming you. Or stay stupid, and let him continue to game you. The problem is not your husband. It is you. You allow him to get away easily.

[HonkyTonkyMan]

I am sorry but how can I accept his alternative lifestyle? Asking all the men here, is it ok if your wife goes around fucking other men as long as there are no emotional strings tied? My husband told me he cannot accept and if he finds me cheating on him, he will walk out of the marriage.

Then what makes him so special? I cannot and he can? Not like he is super rich and I am dependent on him financially.
Sorry but its never a level playing field...even though i am a cheongster i do sympathize with your plight...much as i sound hypocritical about it...but one thing i have never abandon was the financial support to my ex and my kid...but do consider thoroughly since you have stated you are dependent on him financially cos a divorce will only worsen his financial state and yours too..

[larue]

She is NOT dependent on him financially.

[HonkyTonkyMan]

She is NOT dependent on him financially.

Sorry my bad read the sentence too fast without processing through brain...if this is the case then perhaps ts should reconsider her position in this marriage...women who are financially independent tends not to have second thoughts on such matters..

[Disillusioned99]

I am married with kids. I have never advocated divorce. However, if the contents of your story are undisputed, you should initiate a divorce. Some men are recalcitrant. It could be he thinks he can always get away easy all the time. Cajole you, get you to settle down, then continue to find other women. This type of deal who don't want??

It is not the end of everything. You folks can re-marry in future if you really want. But he has to stop gaming you. Or stay stupid, and let him continue to game you. The problem is not your husband. It is you. You allow him to get away easily.

You are right. The problem is me. I am too soft and I worry too much about the children. How they will turn out if they come from broken family? Can they accept their parents splitting ?

[Disillusioned99]

Sorry my bad read the sentence too fast without processing through brain...if this is the case then perhaps ts should reconsider her position in this marriage...women who are financially independent tends not to have second thoughts on such matters..

It is never a money problem for me. i worry for my children. I think to myself if I should sacrifice my own happiness to give my children a complete family. This is still a question I am struggling with.

[Tai_zi21]

It is never a money problem for me. i worry for my children. I think to myself if I should sacrifice my own happiness to give my children a complete family. This is still a question I am struggling with.

What is a complete family to u with ur hubby sleeping outside with th other gals?

U Wan wait till the days ur kids ask u why I see daddy with other women? Dun give urself any false hope anymore... u being soft hearted also mean u r being cruel to urself...

Think about it... is this what u Wan? Staying in a marriage for your complete family that you have mention? Ask urself what is a complete family to u?

[nutman38]

TS, how many kids you have and how old?

[marl13]

You are right. The problem is me. I am too soft and I worry too much about the children. How they will turn out if they come from broken family? Can they accept their parents splitting ?

Hi there,

Before u do anything else , please do remember to find and keep any form of evidence to present in court of all his affairs.

He belong to the kind that will always take advantage of you cause you have been letting him do so for the past 1.5 years.

No point you keep saying to sacrifice yrself for the sake of your children when they clearly know that they will still be in an unhappy family when the mom is always sad and angry (all negative emotions) and their father is always not there for them as he is in another woman arm and taking care of another woman child.

Since u mention money is of no issue i will assume u r financially stable or come from a well to do back ground.

One last thing as your kids are growing up let them on their own accord know what happens to their parent relationship and if their dad wants to see them i would let him do so. If they can see for themselves you will have 2 children that will be bonded closer to you and be there for you when they are adults.

Lastly do note blame yrself for how this marriage of yours turns out .


Take care ah

[HonkyTonkyMan]

It is never a money problem for me. i worry for my children. I think to myself if I should sacrifice my own happiness to give my children a complete family. This is still a question I am struggling with.

are your children old enough to understand what happening....if they are then perhaps you could talk to them...a complete family but a dysfunctional one will still bring unhappiness to everyone...

[MoeLanYong]

You are right. The problem is me. I am too soft and I worry too much about the children. How they will turn out if they come from broken family? Can they accept their parents splitting ?

Sigh. You are put in a very difficult situation. Yes, I know you are enduring for your kids. Some men are just A holes. If it makes you feel better, I come from a broken family. I lost my dad at 11 y.o. Same reason as you - he womanized. I matured very fast. Had to take care of myself and a younger brother bec my mom was away gambling 24/7. I turned out alright. Degree, successful, married.....ok what. Your kids will too. They are not made of paper.

Besides, I wrote "initiate" divorce. Not finalize divorce. A final threat from you. Your last gamble. Hopefully, he learns the severity of it. I am a guy. I can tell you. From the deep recess in my mind, if I know I can still get away with it, I will play on. But once I realize I have no home to go to, that I will be lonely every night after work, I may change my mind. So for starters, kick him out of the house.

You need to bring your husband to his knees if you want to save your marriage. Else, like I said, let him game you lor. You may just enjoy the kinky aspect of sharing your partner. Or die from depression, exhaustion, jealousy.

[Disillusioned99]

TS, how many kids you have and how old?

2. 7 years and 5 years.

[Disillusioned99]

Thanks all for your advice and encouragement. I will seek legal advice before the next steps.

Just for laughs, the stupid man asked me if I paid off the whore for leaving him... I am stunned when he said that. If I want to throw away my money like that, I will rather pay money to get rid of her once and for all? Anyone wants her contact? Apparently, she allows you to do it raw. BJ, CIM, AR and anal sex. And she will lick your armpit too (yucks!)...

[Beretta]

Apparently, she allows you to do it raw. BJ, CIM, AR and anal sex. And she will lick your armpit too...

No wonder your man got hooked on her.
Any woman who can do all that is a keeper :D
Maybe you should also learn these skills to keep your man from straying.

[YELLOW]

i am a married man .... i also having the same tots as u ...... i love my kid .... onli factor holding me back


It is never a money problem for me. i worry for my children. I think to myself if I should sacrifice my own happiness to give my children a complete family. This is still a question I am struggling with.

[maxsee]

If the very essence of staying in a marriage is about how well u perform in bed. Best to end it and not waste ur time...:D

[alwaysalone]

Thanks all for your advice and encouragement. I will seek legal advice before the next steps.

Just for laughs, the stupid man asked me if I paid off the whore for leaving him... I am stunned when he said that. If I want to throw away my money like that, I will rather pay money to get rid of her once and for all? Anyone wants her contact? Apparently, she allows you to do it raw. BJ, CIM, AR and anal sex. And she will lick your armpit too (yucks!)...

wtf. think just divorce him. you will be happier without him.
His heart is no longer with the family anyway.
Guys are willing to accept +1 or +2 anyways.

[chloelin1834]

Since he feel like he wants to tc the other woman and her kid. Just let him go. Peacefully divorce before the kids witness their father with "other family" one day....

Divorce and secure the monthly fees for your kids. Thats all. Wish them good luck have fun.

Why do u want to keep a man who dont love u and your children?

Anyway probably your sex is not exciting enough for your husband. Have to learn new tricks to satisfy your next man.

[Disillusioned99]

No wonder your man got hooked on her.
Any woman who can do all that is a keeper :D
Maybe you should also learn these skills to keep your man from straying.

I am a wife. Not a whore.

Since you think she is a keeper, why don't I give you her contact?

[Disillusioned99]

maybe if u didnt see it as yucks you husband wouldnt need to eat outside, in any problem there is never the one factor that creates the prob

Licking armpit is normal???

Anw, my views are different from yours. Once you get married, you go into a covenant with that one special person which you promised to stay faithful to. If you do not believe in faithfulness, then don't get married.

Marriage is a choice one goes into. Once you make the choice, ensure you commit to that marriage.

Whatever issues one have in a marriage is not a passport to fool around outside.

[centvin]

U should move on. Holding on to a sinking ship might do more damage. From my pov, I do eat sometimes at MP but it's foolish to attach emotion to the ladies. No disrespect but it's only a physical transaction in there

[FreebiezWanker]

TS, u still in shape or have u put on weight? Do u give ur husband sex as much as before marriage n kids?

[Iwanboomboom]

Licking armpit is normal???

Anw, my views are different from yours. Once you get married, you go into a covenant with that one special person which you promised to stay faithful to. If you do not believe in faithfulness, then don't get married.

Marriage is a choice one goes into. Once you make the choice, ensure you commit to that marriage.

Whatever issues one have in a marriage is not a passport to fool around outside.

Sis, married liao still set boundaries for what? These boundaries make your sex game weak. If your sex game is strong, your husband wun eat outside.

Let me share with you the perspective of a man. If he sees you as higher on the attraction ladder, he will treat you as a kid. He will do everything for u, make u happy, go to great lengths to please you. If you are lower than him, he treats you as a slave. Make you do everything for him, etc.

You need to figure out how to move up the attraction ladder. Be successful at work, slim down, look after yourself and make yourself beautiful and up your sex game.

Dun forget why you fell in love. The excitement of the chase, the uncertainty, the fun. You did not fall in love to wash clothes & do ironing or budget finances.

Different people are turned on by different things. You like chicken rice, someone else likes liver, i might find both gross. But if can give just give, good sex is also part acting. Do you think the WL really moan cos they enjoy the sex? Or whisper dirty things cos they really mean it?

Give your husband the fuck of his life then threaten to leave & I bet you he will think twice about straying. Now go buy some sexy underwear & go be a slut for your hubby. All the best.

[HonkyTonkyMan]

It may sound crude but I always believe the way to a man heart is not through his stomach but through his dick...make a man feel like a king in bed and you have him round your fingers..that why there are so many suckers out there falling for prc whores cos they know how to manipulated us gullible men...sorry sis but that a reality...

[Rickey]

Sis, married liao still set boundaries for what? These boundaries make your sex game weak. If your sex game is strong, your husband wun eat outside.

Let me share with you the perspective of a man. If he sees you as higher on the attraction ladder, he will treat you as a kid. He will do everything for u, make u happy, go to great lengths to please you. If you are lower than him, he treats you as a slave. Make you do everything for him, etc.

You need to figure out how to move up the attraction ladder. Be successful at work, slim down, look after yourself and make yourself beautiful and up your sex game.

Dun forget why you fell in love. The excitement of the chase, the uncertainty, the fun. You did not fall in love to wash clothes & do ironing or budget finances.

Different people are turned on by different things. You like chicken rice, someone else likes liver, i might find both gross. But if can give just give, good sex is also part acting. Do you think the WL really moan cos they enjoy the sex? Or whisper dirty things cos they really mean it?

Give your husband the fuck of his life then threaten to leave & I bet you he will think twice about straying. Now go buy some sexy underwear & go be a slut for your hubby. All the best.

It may sound crude but I always believe the way to a man heart is not through his stomach but through his dick...make a man feel like a king in bed and you have him round your fingers..that why there are so many suckers out there falling for prc whores cos they know how to manipulated us gullible men...sorry sis but that a reality...
Very well said by both bros :)...& v. good advice to wifeys to keep their man happy...v good pov too & perspective of guys' sexual mentality & their response vis-a-vis to the female sex ;)...all wifeys shd understand their husbands as such..den there won't be so many unhappy marriages 2day

[JonSt]

I hate cheaters with a passion believe me.

But at the same time, the wife should take steps to know the husband's likes and dislikes in bed dont cha think so? If wife cooking not good, husband will always prefer to eat outside mah.

Same game girls play with their boyfriends where by the boyfriend NEEDS to know what is in their mind and seek to attain it.

Same game, to be honest, just that its now your turn who needs to know what makes his eye twinkle

[lechlee]

Bros have suggested to up the sex game but the issue lies with the man. He is just itchy outside. Even if you up the sex game, he still wants novelty. It's never enough for him. Let's don't find excuses for such behaviors. My parents have gone sexless even since having me but they are still married and living together for 30 years. What happened to such commitment that our parents have? Does our generation these days finds commitment less valuable?

Personally, I find sex less attractive after my marriage. Mind you, it's only been 2 years marriage although we are together for 8 years now. My wife is still very enthusiastic about sex but the issue lies with me. Somehow I have lost interest in it. I still carry out my obligatory role to

[lechlee]

Bros have suggested to up the sex game but the issue lies with the man. He is just itchy outside. Even if you up the sex game, he still wants novelty. It's never enough for him. Let's don't find excuses for such behaviors. My parents have gone sexless even since having me but they are still married and living together for 30 years. What happened to such commitment that our parents have? Does our generation these days finds commitment less valuable?

Personally, I find sex less attractive after my marriage. Mind you, it's only been 2 years marriage although we are together for 8 years now. My wife is still very enthusiastic about sex but the issue lies with me. Somehow I have lost interest in it. I still carry out my obligatory role to sextisfy her when she wants. That's because I believe in commitment to her.

[Disillusioned99]

After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!

Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?

[RoadsterRTM]

I am sorry but how can I accept his alternative lifestyle? Asking all the men here, is it ok if your wife goes around fucking other men as long as there are no emotional strings tied? My husband told me he cannot accept and if he finds me cheating on him, he will walk out of the marriage.

Then what makes him so special? I cannot and he can? Not like he is super rich and I am dependent on him financially.

Sounds like you already decided.
Just looking for stranger to give you the final push?
So years later you can look back and blame strangers for one of the biggest decisions in your life?



Alr gone for sessions with 2 separate counsellors. He is not serious and committed. Going for the sake of going. Our second is a marriage enrichment programmed which we did not even complete. He happily forgot we have not completed the session.

I think for marriage counseling to work, both must be committed.
According to you, sounds like he also doesn't want to try anymore.

[RoadsterRTM]

After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!

Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?

If you type like that, then there's really no point dragging your decision.

If don't separate, you also have no conviction to make the relationship work.

If you are really sitting on the fence and. Hopeful of a working marriage, you gotta vision nice things years ahead.
If you cannot... Then nobody in this thread should advise you to keep the marriage.

[nutman38]

2. 7 years and 5 years.

Hi Ts,

For the sake of your 2 young kids.
I suggest giving your husband 1 more chance.

Tell him you can forgive him this 1 time and only for this one time.
No MORE NEXT TIME!

Just give your husband some time to reflect his mistakes!
If he still continue his foolish ways, you can leave him for good.
You can then tell yourself, at least I try!!
Is his losses, not yours! ;)

[hiswife]

Hey I'm in the same boat as you :( My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.

I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.

He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.

If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.

Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.

Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.

It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.

[Iwanboomboom]

After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!

Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?

Was assuming you wanted him back, sorry. But if not then just cut your losses and leave him. Make a clean break & you can be happy again.

[january29]

Hey I'm in the same boat as you :( My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.

I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.

He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.

If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.

Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.

Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.

It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.

i have a question, can you live with that "just leaving the kids with their dad?"

usually mothers are mothers ... they will be even more terrible when the kids are not around

[orangeproud]

一直以来认为要经营及维持一段幸福美满的婚姻需要靠两个人的付出及努力!;)
若TS已经尽力了,到头来还是徒劳无功,那您也不用太自责,照样做回你自己!;)
有时候,人是喜新厌旧的动物,往往要等到失去了才知道它的可贵! 这点男女同论!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TM5HEICCAE8

[Disillusioned99]

Hey I'm in the same boat as you :( My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.

I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.

He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.

If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.

Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.

Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.

It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.

Hi Sister, read about your case in another thread. How has it been? Is your marriage working out?

[matrix1470]

Hey I'm in the same boat as you :( My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.

I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.

He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.

If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.

Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.

Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.

It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.

It applied to both way too. My wife told me that she want to find her happiness else where after reconnected with her ex-BF. It is not important how much your spouse had sacrifice for the family or on the relationship. It need two hands to clap.

Basically, I conclude that it is individual character and once other party had lost interest on the spouse they will find many excuse. I even shifted out from our place to let her have all the fun as she always pick a fight or find fault with me at home. Very unhealthy for the kid at this kind of environment. Waited for her one year and finally filed my divorce.

I'm happily divorce with full care and control with my boy now. I think no point giving 50-50 custody as it will confuse and create double standard for the the kids later.

Most importantly....we must be sure what individual want and make no regret. Take your own responsibility and move on with life....that is my view only.

[happywoody]

This as TS rightly pointed out is more than just sex.

For a man to want to walk out of his family especially his own kids, ... let him go.

Get a good lawyer so that you're not short-changed. Let the kids know it's not their fault - just mummy and daddy can't be together again. But they are loved nevertheless. As they grow up they'll understand.

You deserve to be happier.

[sammyboyfor]

This as TS rightly pointed out is more than just sex.

For a man to want to walk out of his family especially his own kids, ... let him go.

Get a good lawyer so that you're not short-changed. Let the kids know it's not their fault - just mummy and daddy can't be together again. But they are loved nevertheless. As they grow up they'll understand.

You deserve to be happier.

There's far too much consideration given towards kids in all the discussions. In reality it makes no difference whatsoever. In NZ almost every kid I know has been through a few mummies and daddies and 99% just take these sorts of things in their stride.

Forget about the kids adults should just do what they feel is right for themselves and the kids will just have to accept it.

Kids aren't as fragile as most people think.

[MoeLanYong]

There's far too much consideration given towards kids in all the discussions. In reality it makes no difference whatsoever. In NZ almost every kid I know has been through a few mummies and daddies and 99% just take these sorts of things in their stride.

Forget about the kids adults should just do what they feel is right for themselves and the kids will just have to accept it.

Kids aren't as fragile as most people think.

I believe we had this conversation before either using this nick or another. While I agree with you that kids aren't fragile and that kids will just have to accept it, as someone who comes from a broken family, it scarred me for life.

The to-ing and fro-ing of the divorce process, the bitterness of the divorcing parties, the mind poisoning etc.... are not the things one wants his or her child to go through

My mom got custody of me and my bro. When my dad brought me out, she insisted I spy for her. My dad caught me checking his atm bank balance. He tore at me and called me an ungrateful son. If I did not do it, my mom told me stories of his affairs and made me cry 3 nights for not siding with her. My parents were called to school, separately bec I wanted to end my life by cutting my wrist. All while I was in primary school.

My mom took your advice and sought happiness for herself. I knew of every boyfriend she brought home and humped. Not a nice feeling standing outside your mom's room hearing men hump your mom. Breaks down whatever remaining self esteem there is. Mom spent all her time playing mahjong (to make herself happy like you advised), and called me a burden. I ran away from home, or rather my uncle's place bec I had no home. You see, she wanted to win dad, not win me. After she won custody, she chucked me aside bec reality sank in. Single parenting is tough and she wanted her own life too. I don't remember ever eating in a hawker centre or a restaurant with mom. I grew up on the streets literally. With friends. I envied them because they had parents. I envied them because they had a home. I envied them bec they had to go home while no one cared whether I went home.

I will not bore you with the many other exciting episodes. Thanks to my mom's mind games, I grew up with such hatred for my dad that I swore I'd kill him with my bare hands. The hate consumed me. My step mom - or dad's 3rd wife - put me in a witness box at dad's estate trial and her lawyers asked me under oath Why. I told the judge I do not know. I never met my dad since their divorce. I saw him in a coffin only 25 years later. I have no idea why I wanted to kill him. The anguish and regrets of it all haunt me to this day.

Yea, 99% New Zealanders take these sort of things in their stride. Here in Sg, we always do better one lah. 100% of us grew up. But I question whether it is selfish to just think about one's own happiness only.

[hiswife]

i have a question, can you live with that "just leaving the kids with their dad?"

Daddy is a lying cheating asshole but he's still a decent man and loves his kids, pretty sure he can take care of them. If I can be a single mom, he can be a single dad too.

Hi Sister, read about your case in another thread. How has it been? Is your marriage working out?

He hasn't been back to his "hobby" so we are still together. Or maybe I just haven't caught him yet? Things are going well, just not sure whether this can continue. I would never trust him again so he has to account for all his time and money so I'm like the evil wife now. I hate to be controlling like this but what can I do.

Basically, I conclude that it is individual character and once other party had lost interest on the spouse they will find many excuse.

Sorry to hear about your experience. I agree with you that it's their character problem. Some people have no qualms to lie and cheat and they try to justify their actions by assuming that everybody does the same and that their spouse is evil. Looking back now there were so many signs that something was wrong. After he started going to prostitutes, he was constantly picking fights with me, often over inconsequential matters. In his mind, he's making me out to be the bad guy to justify his actions.

You're a good man for taking care of your boy. It sounds like your wife is at fault but then if you were going to prostitutes back then, it could be the reason why your wife was seeking for happiness elsewhere. Not saying you were but if you were infact doing that, then it's possible.

[sammyboyfor]

I believe we had this conversation before either using this nick or another. While I agree with you that kids aren't fragile and that kids will just have to accept it, as someone who comes from a broken family, it scarred me for life.



If parents are flawed characters then staying together is not going to make things any better for the kids either. In fact things could have turned out even worse.

However two decent people who just can't get along are not helping the children by living in an unhappy union. It would be better for all concerned if both sought a more compatible life partner.

[happywoody]

Not here to brown nose boss ...


Kids aren't as fragile as most people think.

and they are not stupid and definitely not passive characters in whatever that's happening in the family

If parents are flawed characters then staying together is not going to make things any better for the kids either.

can't put it any better

[MoeLanYong]

If parents are flawed characters then staying together is not going to make things any better for the kids either. In fact things could have turned out even worse.

However two decent people who just can't get along are not helping the children by living in an unhappy union. It would be better for all concerned if both sought a more compatible life partner.

That true. Here's the irony. Mom and dad never found happiness after their divorce. In seeking to put their own interest first, they ended up unhappy. Because as you rightly said, their characters were inherently flawed. Not that they were indecent. They did not know how to stick. They do not understand love involves sacrifice.

In my grandparents era, they stuck. Whatever the situation.

The people who divorced like to think they will find happiness. I see my many divorced friends introducing their new trophy wives like they found Aphrodite. Well, as my pig dog friend would say: Football match haven't kick finish, cannot go collect bets at half time one. You sure that grass patch over there is greener? Really? Lol

[YELLOW]

truth to what u said. on the other hand there hav been couple who split and then found another beautiful life with another half ....
i m sure divorce is unpleasnt for kids no matter how hardly they seem to be.... i m sori for your experience....its sad ....
i m going thru my own battles.... but i m sure i ll still be a good father and not just YOLO my life away without consideration of my duties as a parent .... no matter wat happens between my wife and i ..... i ll always love my little ger .


That true. Here's the irony. Mom and dad never found happiness after their divorce. In seeking to put their own interest first, they ended up unhappy. Because as you rightly said, their characters were inherently flawed. Not that they were indecent. They did not know how to stick. They do not understand love involves sacrifice.

In my grandparents era, they stuck. Whatever the situation.

The people who divorced like to think they will find happiness. I see my many divorced friends introducing their new trophy wives like they found Aphrodite. Well, as my pig dog friend would say: Football match haven't kick finish, cannot go collect bets at half time one. You sure that grass patch over there is greener? Really? Lol

[Miumiu1]

Hi guys.. sorry to ride on this post. I recently found out tt my hubs visited a massage parlour and got a happy ending via his WeChat, and subsequently kept in touch w the massage lady. We had one big drama, and now we're back tog working things out. Sex has been great since, but I'm still bothered by what he did..

I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask here. I suppose I need to know why men do this kinda thing if they claim tt they still love their wives, bla bla bla.

[Disillusioned99]

Hi all, I hv seen the lawyer...

For all those divorced folks out there... what was the trigger or how did you know it is time to file for divorce and move on?

[Barracuda]

Hi all, I hv seen the lawyer...

For all those divorced folks out there... what was the trigger or how did you know it is time to file for divorce and move on?


I think sis has already decided to go ahead with divorce? Are you really going for it or just getting a draft letter to scare your hub?

[Disillusioned99]

I think sis has already decided to go ahead with divorce? Are you really going for it or just getting a draft letter to scare your hub?

If I decide to file, I will go for it. No point to scare him. If his heart already dead, scaring him is pointless. He will just say divorce lor..

[Iwanboomboom]

Congrats sis. Hope you strengthen your heart & go through, and finally be able to be happy & heal yourself again.

[Disillusioned99]

Hi guys.. sorry to ride on this post. I recently found out tt my hubs visited a massage parlour and got a happy ending via his WeChat, and subsequently kept in touch w the massage lady. We had one big drama, and now we're back tog working things out. Sex has been great since, but I'm still bothered by what he did..

I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask here. I suppose I need to know why men do this kinda thing if they claim tt they still love their wives, bla bla bla.

I am sorry you hv to go through this.. hope your hubby will stop. Mine did not and even go on to hv an affair with the ML.

Can't answer your question as I hv no answers for my situation too. So can only wish you all the best.

[Barracuda]

If I decide to file, I will go for it. No point to scare him. If his heart already dead, scaring him is pointless. He will just say divorce lor..

Wish you all the best sis! I'm sure you can find a better guy in the future :)

[jasonyauyy]

feel sad for you,but be strong,hope everything going well on your side ,for yourself and your kids.good luck .

[EtherC]

Sorry to hear of your circumstances TS. Seems like you married a selfish bastard. It's good to get the divorce proceedings started asap. I don't think your children have a good role model in their father.

Hope things get better for you in the near future.

[MoeLanYong]

truth to what u said. on the other hand there hav been couple who split and then found another beautiful life with another half ....
i m sure divorce is unpleasnt for kids no matter how hardly they seem to be.... i m sori for your experience....its sad ....
i m going thru my own battles.... but i m sure i ll still be a good father and not just YOLO my life away without consideration of my duties as a parent .... no matter wat happens between my wife and i ..... i ll always love my little ger .

Thanks bro. If my story can change just 1 kid's life, it was worth telling. I had to fight back tears penning that.

If you can't save your marriage, please work on being the best father for your girl. Girls take broken families harder.

[MoeLanYong]

If I decide to file, I will go for it. No point to scare him. If his heart already dead, scaring him is pointless. He will just say divorce lor..

TS, you sound rational in all your posts. I am sure you will know what to do when the time comes. Wishing you all the best :cool:

[Disillusioned99]

TS, you sound rational in all your posts. I am sure you will know what to do when the time comes. Wishing you all the best :cool:

Thanks! It is easier said than done.

I just found out while he is asking me for another chance this week, he actually went to the massage parlour to look for that slut again. When the slut ask him to go away, he went to another shop to get his specials...

He is really one kind. Totally win already!

[Barracuda]

Thanks! It is easier said than done.

I just found out while he is asking me for another chance this week, he actually went to the massage parlour to look for that slut again. When the slut ask him to go away, he went to another shop to get his specials...

He is really one kind. Totally win already!

How are you knowing all these? Because you checked his phone? I think he also never bother to hide lol

[chloelin1834]

It is mind boggling to read about all these real drama going on in real people's lives... sighs... sad case everywhere....

[Disillusioned99]

Hi all, I want to consult another lawyer for a second opinion just in case. Anyone has a good and sympathetic divorce lawyer to recommend?

[CITY224]

Hi all, I want to consult another lawyer for a second opinion just in case. Anyone has a good and sympathetic divorce lawyer to recommend?

I'd recommend Dorothy Tan from PKWA Law Practice....... regarded amongst her peers as one of the best divorce lawyers in Singapore and many other lawyers fear going to court against her. Be prepared to pay more to engage her as she handles mainly the millionaire clients.

[chloelin1834]

Hi all, I want to consult another lawyer for a second opinion just in case. Anyone has a good and sympathetic divorce lawyer to recommend?

Cornerstone Law.

[Shadow_warrior]

It is never a money problem for me. i worry for my children. I think to myself if I should sacrifice my own happiness to give my children a complete family. This is still a question I am struggling with.

can you bear to break their heart

[andylaulanlan]

i have a question, can you live with that "just leaving the kids with their dad?"

usually mothers are mothers ... they will be even more terrible when the kids are not around

very good question.

[chloelin1834]

can you bear to break their heart

Why let the children grow up and witness an unhappy family... even if both parents are around but disengaged, what makes you think the kids will be happy?

[MasterStroking]

very good question.

yes good question

[RTTO]

I think it takes 2 hands to clap. When you are happy with your partner with the right chemistry and have many interest in common, neither one will seek outside fun and thrill. I too have an affair as i was having problem with my OC. We talked it out but it's just in her DNA and her communication approach never changes.

And also her mood swings - doing the same thing when she is in a good mood and in a bad mood will get different results. Today u did something and happens she in a good mood, she will applaud and laugh over it. Tmr u do the same thing and she bad mood... she will whack you non stop and gives all her single-sided theory.

I am no saint, i also have my temper. Every little things she will blow her anger on me, the kids, my parents.

My affair lasted for 10 years. We had the right chemistry and extremely happy whenever we are together. During these last 10 years, i was just too occupied with her as i wanna see her and have her by my side everyday. I will no no problem brushing away any outside temptations. My mind is just her, her and her.

She is doing everything right and i am doing everything right for her. If you say cos it's honeymoon period, we already 10 years. If you say becos u dun stay under 1 roof and will not see each other's bad habits. We meet 6 days a week. We both have flexi work arrangements, so it's almost whole day together. it's morning 8 till night 10. We would do house chores, cook, shower, make love, work, watch movies, buy groceries, chit-chat like friends....

So it's really the chemistry of a couple. If she and i couldn't find that chemistry, we wouldn't have lasted this long... why i left her u may ask? She wanted more of my time... whenever she knows i go out with OC, she will get really jealous (and will quarrel). I know i will not leave my family for her and i dun wan her to keep waiting for me and at the end of the day, wait in vain.

Perhaps you wanna see if there is anything that your husband likes, enjoy doing and you are not doing it right? Most men (at least for me) is doing it right on the bed and communication. Life is short, everyday quarrel, argue over small stuff is just not worth the time. I was never satisfied on bed with my OC thus I started seeking outside thrill until i met my 10 years GF. Outside thrills only transactional... no feelings.

[Tubeboy]

Hi all, I want to consult another lawyer for a second opinion just in case. Anyone has a good and sympathetic divorce lawyer to recommend?

Are u keen to join our group chat? It's for the divorce singles etc etc.....majority are guys...at your comfort level...

[thenormalme]

I can feel how depressed it is to be betrayed but think on the positive note that you discovered his plot. So follow the flow and carry on with life ba. I used to be with a guy for 5 years and i was on the verge of marriage but shit hits the ceiling sigh...

[thenormalme]

Why let the children grow up and witness an unhappy family... even if both parents are around but disengaged, what makes you think the kids will be happy?

Yes, i agree with that. I will divorce and not let my kids be emotionally tormented in a broken family.