If you could turn back time, would you still get married?

[Jevv]

We all know that getting married is a milestone in life, to you was it the best or worst decision you have ever made?

I am asking this as I have seen guys (married for more than 10yrs or so) who are married but not happily married, I know of one whom is married for 20yrs & have regular FLs/FBs outside of his marriage (He was initially faithful in his marriage, what tiggered him to start "outsourcing" was becoze he was angry with his wife). And the list goes on..as what I have noticed on other married men.

The men that I know stayed married for the fact of not getting into financial burden (alimony to ex-wife, splitting of house proceeds), children (not wanting them to grow up in broken families), society ostracisation & etc. Not the fact that they really love the woman whom they married & want to spend the rest of their life with her in sickness & in health....also staying faithful thru out the marriage as well.

It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian :( )..??

For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman? :)

[cmelater]

My view is, it doesn't matter whether you choose girl A or B. End of the day... years later, it will likely (not for sure) end up with two persons drifting apart. This is a real risk and problem cos marriage is like a friendship and maintenance is surely required.

It is sad as you mentioned that when guys start sneaking outside to have fun and then the very reason for remaining married is nothing more than just mere obligations.

Without obligations, what is marriage? :confused:

Point is, don't get married for the sake of it. Myself, if I can turn back time, I rather spend time with my folks cos their time very limited. Girls, you can have any day, so long as you have money and patience and character not too bad. Finding really isn't an issue and age is irrelevant. Look at Bernie Ecclestone. Good grief.... he can be his gf's grand daddy liao.

[Triple70]

Spend some time to fully understand the Women's Charter Act, and the divorce procedure. Read Sglawwatch to understand how judges interpret the Act.

Any rational person who truly understand this Act will stay clear of any topic relating to this Act.

It's not about the woman. It's natural for ppl to evolve over time, whether closer or further apart. It's just that the Act is so out of touch with today's society.

Perhaps try to understand Thai culture in relation to this topic. They seem to have a much more pragmatic approach and I believe that is why they are such happy people.

[topcook1]

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

[cmelater]

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

Getting remarried would have been a greater mistake. Congrats bro!:D

At least, u got the luxury to get used to ur new found freedom. Hahaha

[topcook1]

Getting remarried would have been a greater mistake. Congrats bro!:D

At least, u got the luxury to get used to ur new found freedom. Hahaha


Thinking of man always have to listens to woman demand has turned me off for another marriage..ie Wedding dinner, wedding gown ,photo shoot, dowry , matrimonial asset , maintenance etc.......This society portraits man and woman are equal , I really dont think so . When comes to woman rights they are far greater than us.

[a2014]

Guess that this is the impact of modernisation on human society. In the past woman is just a plain woman. Once they get married the get married and stay at home and serve the family.

Now woman is equal, you go to work, they go to work as well. You earn 10K a month, they may earn 12K. You have an MBA she maybe has a PHD, so it is difficult to compare now.

Man has not change since day one, while woman has evolved according to society revolution. Woman no longer need to stay at home to cook, look after kids anymore, they want freedom and entertainment as well. You go entertain your manhood, she go entertain her womanhood that is where the crack appear.

When it touches the matter of heart during courtship everything can do. When time down the road especially many years later, how many can actually maintain it.

Time has changed, society has change, so does human moral has changed.

[cmelater]

Thinking of man always have to listens to woman demand has turned me off for another marriage..ie Wedding dinner, wedding gown ,photo shoot, dowry , matrimonial asset , maintenance etc.......This society portraits man and woman are equal , I really dont think so . When comes to woman rights they are far greater than us.

You are the man. :D

The thought of standing under the sun and then sweating just to have a shoot. And, then the photographer charging an arm or leg for the "once in a life time" pics. Wedding dinner is also insane. Don't forget the "gatecrash" and qiang xin niang. All those are super turn off.

Society is confused. lol. Society has ended up disadvantaging all of mankind with its silly rules on equality.

[topcook1]

You are the man. :D

The thought of standing under the sun and then sweating just to have a shoot. And, then the photographer charging an arm or leg for the "once in a life time" pics. Wedding dinner is also insane. Don't forget the "gatecrash" and qiang xin niang. All those are super turn off.

Society is confused. lol. Society has ended up disadvantaging all of mankind with its silly rules on equality.

Only the woman love all these things...having princess fantasies...When comes to divorce all things has been forgotten .

[curious76]

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

[topcook1]

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

[curious76]

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

Yes.. But it see that you leave this world with regret or no regret.. For me, I will leave this world with no regret. What I have done, I have done for her.. It is she who does not appreciate me.. Ultimately, it will be karma for her and me..

[Jevv]

Nope...luckily I had divorced 3 years ago after a 11 years marriage . Right now enjoying my single life and never think of getting marry at all. I am still maintaining a good relationships with my kids although we are not together . Once bitten twice shy and guess will not dig my own grave again. Right now I am financially strong and feels so good about freedom however at sometimes feels a little bit lonely. Go look for fls by myself ....everything by myself and getting use to it.

Its good that ur kids is still in good relationship with u :)
One of my friend told me the reason why he is not getting a divorce is becoze of his daughter, thou he no longer have feelings for his wife. He said tat if not for his daughter...he would long ago walked out already, but his case is no choice:(

When he was caught red-handed by his wife that he was seeing someone outside, he told me maybe this should be the catalyst to end his marriage with his wife as he really wanted to be together with his gf (they have been together for 4 years). Divorce has always been on the back of his mind thru out, just that there wasn't any 'push' factor for him to do so I guess.

Afterwhich, he had a heart to heart talk with his wife about the divorce procedures, the house & their daughter. His wife told him that she will not agree to it for the sake of their daughter & also the fact that she loves him (he said when his wife told him tat she still loves him, he was taken aback)...

His wife then told their 14 yr old daughter abt it, saying that my friend had a woman outside & looking into divorce...when the daughter talked to my friend, she was sobbing in tears & asked her father to change for the better.

I think thats how he decided not to proceed with the divorce.

Thou 2 yrs have passed since that incident, my fren is still in contact with that gf (non sexual, jus maintaining as normal fren level)...He did shared that secretly he would still like to give their r/ship (he & tat gf) another shot...but dunno if that gf is willing to wait for him or not..

[cmelater]

Lonely is better to be with a wrong person . Lots of couples who are married also feels lonely too because lack of communications. Eventually everyone still has to leave the world alone . Nobody is going to accompany us.

Even if they remember us, its only the assets. So, wth. :rolleyes:

Check mate bro. Married doesn't mean not lonely. These days I sleep with my face facing the wall, rather than my OC. Marriage less lonely?

I can say for sure confirm not lonely, in terms of problems. When two persons are together, everything can be an issue. It begins from how to put the toothbrush to when to change bed sheet n how to cook the noodles. Just about everything. The first days, its ok. But, for the longer term, its really crap cos there are days when you just want to cook the noodles some other way, but your OC says otherwise. :(

My old camp mate also said scared lonely. Even some other current guy friends claim scared lonely. Point is, like what you said, we will go alone anyway and we all know that. But, not many face the realities that the path to death is necessarily a lonely process.

I have a dying mum. 5 over years ago, she was tumbling and losing her balance. 3 over years ago, she was pushing those walking support and she stumbled and landed on her butt. She called and told me that "Mum fell..." with a tone that seemed to have resigned to fate. 6 months ago, she was bed ridden and she struggled to utter these words "Mama cannot talk anymore."

Today when I see her, I feel a deep sense of sadness and that death (as you mentioned) is something we will face alone someday. No one would remember us, like today when I see mum. Her own step bro didn't want to travel to see her from abroad.

With all these happening, when people tell me life will be lonely, I always turn back to ask them "Better to shed tears alone or with those who matter?"

With those tears welling in my eyes, I told mum "When you reach wherever it is, remember to tell me when we see each other again." We truly will go someday... So, what matters? Having a whole dynasty of offsprings and people fighting over assets, before our death beds?

Cheers everyone. Be happy and play hard. Good days are not here forever. But, that inevitable moment will come someday. Marry for the right reason or get out for a better reason.

[cmelater]

I am single at the moment. Last 4 months have be hell for me when i met the VB that I love.. But in the end, she cheated me my money and now have a complicated life. I thinking it through. Yes in Singapore, it is difficult to maintain marriage as everyone is worry and busy with their life. But once, you get older and older with no one to take care of you. You will feel lonely... But now, I have think this through.. In marriage it might not be a good thing if you find someone suitable for you and they willingly to stick with you. Whatever you decide, it is the best for you.. For me, I just let fate decide for me.

At least, you got no alimony to pay for. Cheer up.

[topcook1]

Even if they remember us, its only the assets. So, wth. :rolleyes:


Cheers everyone. Be happy and play hard. Good days are not here forever. But, that inevitable moment will come someday. Marry for the right reason or get out for a better reason.

True...My kids knows I am very strong financially , whenever they need money or things they will just message me from overseas . Anyway they had migrated and we only meet once a year only. Loneliness is not important , I find that money is the only thing which I can trust when I turn old . In this modern world without it will be like a living hell even you have a partner...I plans to stay in a aged home where there are nurses and friends there and there is no fear of loneliness . Anyway I am in my early 40s .....

[sex crusader]

Married for 11 yrs and no regret at all! I counted myself lucky to have a wife that take care of me physically and emotionally! Got caught cheonging twice but end of the day she forgiven me! Man is always man ...I confessed! I am a repeat offender!:D

[cmelater]

True...My kids knows I am very strong financially , whenever they need money or things they will just message me from overseas . Anyway they had migrated and we only meet once a year only. Loneliness is not important , I find that money is the only thing which I can trust when I turn old . In this modern world without it will be like a living hell even you have a partner...I plans to stay in a aged home where there are nurses and friends there and there is no fear of loneliness . Anyway I am in my early 40s .....

Mum used to add these words "Only scared guy no money, not scared no gals." :D She used to tell me the same that a lot of people single and ageing, so no need scared about it. lol.

I'm in my mid 30s. Congrats, u r way ahead and out of the damned M.

Aged home not too bad. Some nurses and volunteers can be pretty too.

[Jevv]

Mum used to add these words "Only scared guy no money, not scared no gals." :D She used to tell me the same that a lot of people single and ageing, so no need scared about it. lol.

I'm in my mid 30s. Congrats, u r way ahead and out of the damned M.

Aged home not too bad. Some nurses and volunteers can be pretty too.

wat ur mum said its true...i have to agree;)

To me I feel...the pride a man can have is not how many girls he have bedded or his many many achievements (in school or at work) in life, its having enough money to see him thru his daily life..no financial burdens which is :)

[cmelater]

wat ur mum said its true...i have to agree;)

To me I feel...the pride a man can have is not how many girls he have bedded or his many many achievements (in school or at work) in life, its having enough money to see him thru his daily life..no financial burdens which is :)

But, to learn all these, I think we all knew, probably at some point in time. The problem is that man wont learn until kena whack by..... woman's charter. :o

Even my kaki (coming to 60) driving a cab (last time high flyer during the old Haw Par days), he shared "if little bro dun stand, that's the end to man." lol.

[Captainoceania77]

Married for 11 yrs and no regret at all! I counted myself lucky to have a wife that take care of me physically and emotionally! Got caught cheonging twice but end of the day she forgiven me! Man is always man ...I confessed! I am a repeat offender!:D


Hahahaa.....still early lar. Be prepare one day when you wakes up u find your ku ku jiao feed the dog downstairs.

[MoJoe313]

True...My kids knows I am very strong financially , whenever they need money or things they will just message me from overseas . Anyway they had migrated and we only meet once a year only. Loneliness is not important , I find that money is the only thing which I can trust when I turn old . In this modern world without it will be like a living hell even you have a partner...I plans to stay in a aged home where there are nurses and friends there and there is no fear of loneliness . Anyway I am in my early 40s .....

This is so sad. Money is not everything, bro. But I can understand your view after being divorced. You mentioned financially strong twice. May I know what that means? Must have how much in the bank account?

[topcook1]

This is so sad. Money is not everything, bro. But I can understand your view after being divorced. You mentioned financially strong twice. May I know what that means? Must have how much in the bank account?

Meaning I have no debt .......no burden...financial freedom... ample money for retirement ...No required amount in the bank accounts....

[MoJoe313]

Meaning I have no debt .......no burden...financial freedom... ample money for retirement ...No required amount in the bank accounts....

Thanks bro. I am early 40s too. Have no debt. Haven't turf out kids. So got burden. Yet I never felt financially strong so I am curious. What does financial freedom and ample money for retirement mean?

Does it mean one has an income generating method, such that it last a lifetime like owning an asset? Or just ample cash reserves? Financially freedom means one still have to work?

Sorry, haven't been single for a long time so forgot that solo me-oh feeling.....

[topcook1]

Thanks bro. I am early 40s too. Have no debt. Haven't turf out kids. So got burden. Yet I never felt financially strong so I am curious. What does financial freedom and ample money for retirement mean?

Does it mean one has an income generating method, such that it last a lifetime like owning an asset? Or just ample cash reserves? Financially freedom means one still have to work?

Sorry, haven't been single for a long time so forgot that solo me-oh feeling.....

I still have to work but without much stress about losing my job....well I have rental collection from my house , a FD interest ...driving part time taxi during weekends ...Just feel happy nowadays coz no more emotional stress and nobody to be accountable except being filial to my parents. This is my interpretation , different people has its interpretation too..

[cmelater]

This is so sad. Money is not everything, bro. But I can understand your view after being divorced. You mentioned financially strong twice. May I know what that means? Must have how much in the bank account?

Bro,

Its as much as is required to upkeep your personal lifestyle.... need not be some insane sum. It varies.

[cmelater]

Thanks bro. I am early 40s too. Have no debt. Haven't turf out kids. So got burden. Yet I never felt financially strong so I am curious. What does financial freedom and ample money for retirement mean?

Does it mean one has an income generating method, such that it last a lifetime like owning an asset? Or just ample cash reserves? Financially freedom means one still have to work?

Sorry, haven't been single for a long time so forgot that solo me-oh feeling.....

I also feel damn financial weak. After coughing much money for house/ shop and whatever whatever for the family, I have not even 500 bucks in my own account. :|

Marriage drains the life out of man. sigh.....

[surbana]

I also feel damn financial weak. After coughing much money for house/ shop and whatever whatever for the family, I have not even 500 bucks in my own account. :|

Marriage drains the life out of man. sigh.....

You can ask your spouse to helps you too. Share the burden together.

[YamEater]

No, I realised im not suited for marriage life

[surbana]

No, I realised im not suited for marriage life

Why????U know yourself very well?

[blocky]

ohhhh.... marriage sounds like a high risk bet :D :p

[MoJoe313]

I still have to work but without much stress about losing my job....well I have rental collection from my house , a FD interest ...driving part time taxi during weekends ...Just feel happy nowadays coz no more emotional stress and nobody to be accountable except being filial to my parents. This is my interpretation , different people has its interpretation too..

Thanks again for sharing, bro. Maybe its a lot easier when one has no kids, a feeling I forgot. After reading your version, I don't think its that tough to feed oneself. Two meals a day, a paid roof over my head, a simple job and no stress. Good enough.

[MoJoe313]

Bro,

Its as much as is required to upkeep your personal lifestyle.... need not be some insane sum. It varies.

Maybe I been around too many people that try too hard to build a giant nest egg. I have some peers that departed. So I wonder if it wise to push the body so hard for something that one may not enjoy.

[MoJoe313]

I also feel damn financial weak. After coughing much money for house/ shop and whatever whatever for the family, I have not even 500 bucks in my own account. :|

Marriage drains the life out of man. sigh.....

Take it easy bro. I was way negative when I was at your age building a home. I remember giving my last $2 to my wife to eat a bowl of noodles claiming I was not hungry. I got out it years later. You will too.

[cmelater]

ohhhh.... marriage sounds like a high risk bet :D :p

Its a damn big bet and the odds are just against the man. :eek: Its a do or die.... (but wait) or can quit mission. So, its a matter of what you believe in.

Honestly, the other half may or may not be a stranger at the end of the day.

My view remains (changed a lot from years back) that man must have money before beginning this journey of no return. Have your wealth carefully stashed away (unfortunately) for various purposes. The moment the other half knows you have that much, it is assumed that you will share with her.

Once my SO saw $xxx in my account (which was the proceeds from my mum's property), she asked why wife not getting a share of it. :confused: Then I was like, wtf. In the first place, that's my mum's money.....

You know hor. Its not just money, but lots of implicit and explicit rules and parameters which the man is assumed to know and adhere to..... did I mention "it goes without saying"?

Before marriage, its all "ok", but after that.... that's where the real surprise starts. Marry with your eyes (not just) wide open, but farking wide open.

[cmelater]

Maybe I been around too many people that try too hard to build a giant nest egg. I have some peers that departed. So I wonder if it wise to push the body so hard for something that one may not enjoy.

Yea lor, so y the f work hard? Its starting to dawn on me too that working hard for someone who may be just a stranger later on.... what for? Its ironic. But, these are hard facts. No certainty and guarantee of will be together, though also depending on efforts from both sides. :cool:

[blocky]

Its a damn big bet and the odds are just against the man. :eek: Its a do or die.... (but wait) or can quit mission. So, its a matter of what you believe in.

Honestly, the other half may or may not be a stranger at the end of the day.

....

Before marriage, its all "ok", but after that.... that's where the real surprise starts. Marry with your eyes (not just) wide open, but farking wide open.

bro.... thanks for the advice and sharing your experience :D

[cmelater]

bro.... thanks for the advice and sharing your experience :D

Its terrible to make the mistakes which others (including myself) have made.

And my SO was still asking for money recently. Really wtf.... Thats really marriage to those of you who have yet to see the uglier side of stuff. Got kids lagi worse. No day no nite. :(

[Johnbass]

Which is worse?
Married and Farked Up, or...
Forever Alone and Farked Up...
:D

http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side-because-its-fertilized-with-bullshit.png

[Wintermelontea]

Marriage can be good and happening IF both can manage each other's expectations and stay within a limited tolerance (i.e., if she "eat" outside, can you take it and forgive her just like she will forgive you?)

In the current SG or world context, we have much more to battle against. For instance, if you are a jet-set person, it is much more tedious and effort-straining to maintain a proper and healthy relationship.

Being single has it's advantages. One can be more freed up to do what one likes. There are less considerations unlike a married or attached with partner that has to "report" or discuss about such impromptu arrangements.

I believe the only time to get married is when you are sure you want to and not because of "my friends around me are all married"; "my girlfriends boast about how their marriage/wedding is going to be"; "how expensive and elaborate my gown is" blah blah blah.

Get married because you are in love and can see beyond the years of being together with no sex and watching your kids grow up, able to communicate almost anything even in argument or conflict.

[topcook1]

Totally marriage is not easy.......unless both partners has no expectations ...act blur throughout the life...

[Andfan]

marry or dun marry is okay to fuck outside just tat dun get your wife HIV ....btw bro i dun seem you like a good men too u also come to this fourm looking for good stuff

[cmelater]

Totally marriage is not easy.......unless both partners has no expectations ...act blur throughout the life...

Thats the tough part. Expectations are part of the package. Its a tendency for people to live life like the jones next door. :/

Even if oc no expectations, her village may necessarily have their own. Quite crappy one cos then the marriage is no longer about 2 persons but different groups of people. Unfortunately, it stil not qualify as an orgy...

This wasnt new to me. To know a person, its important to know her surrounding family, friends and et etc kaki. Feathers of a bird flock together. If you want to find a swan, you have to look for that gathering of swans. If you want to find a hungry, look for that pack of wolves on the hunt. If u wan a cheongster gf, go to a club or nite spot.

The point is that the places where she hang out at will also be somewhat indicative of the person she really is. At least, this is what i think it is. Cheers

[Atasbeng]

I won't!

Married for 7 yrs with kids. Didn't really knew my wife. we were together for a year and decided to get married since in our 30s. As days goes by and the more u discover,the unhappiness and stress builds up. And the love disappears,feeling more and more burden as the days goes by...I'm sure some bros can relate.

Am having an affair currently with a woman I met 6 mths ago and things between us were magical(trust me it's not honeymoon period cause both of us are in the late 30s and knew what we want in life).theres so much connection and understanding for the first time in my life I discovered what's the meaning of soulmate. And even though it's been only few mths the love for each other is so strong. Which translates to the best sex I ever had.

Now I'm stuck as I want to be with the woman I love and yet have to b responsible to my kids of whom their mother I got no feelings for..
Am glad I'm back in this forum. The only place where I can let it out

[peanutbutterjel]

I would get married. But maybe not to the same man???

[Edyta]

there is alot of things in life that u would say if i know the outcome is like tht then I would choose otherwise. be it marriage career business etc. future is always unknown. u need to live it to know it. for marriage u felt that the person is who u wana spend ur life with. things change unfortunately n people change too. u can then make a choice if u want to opt out or stay on n try. if ur wife uses WC to victimise u then its really sad. WC is for protecting vulnerable women who are abandoned etc.

[wecloud]

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

[cmelater]

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

Past record nt so relevant in today's world. Because many more have past records. Why should past records differentiate you from the rest?

Lack of wealth doesnt make it more difficult. Its the lack of character compatibility which makes far worse. Lack of wealth is usually a.symptom, due to other root causes and not always the cause of problems...

[cutebabe86]

most likely no. Nowadays, very difficult to have a faithful marriage.

[Hytronic]

I won't!

Married for 7 yrs with kids. Didn't really knew my wife. we were together for a year and decided to get married since in our 30s. As days goes by and the more u discover,the unhappiness and stress builds up. And the love disappears,feeling more and more burden as the days goes by...I'm sure some bros can relate.

Am having an affair currently with a woman I met 6 mths ago and things between us were magical(trust me it's not honeymoon period cause both of us are in the late 30s and knew what we want in life).theres so much connection and understanding for the first time in my life I discovered what's the meaning of soulmate. And even though it's been only few mths the love for each other is so strong. Which translates to the best sex I ever had.

Now I'm stuck as I want to be with the woman I love and yet have to b responsible to my kids of whom their mother I got no feelings for..
Am glad I'm back in this forum. The only place where I can let it out



Being emotionally attach to your lover is dangerous...... eventually she will find her prince charming and you will be hurt. Unfortunately you cant bring her go holiday and holding hand together openly.....tons of things you can't do together beside physically attach secretly and sharing your thoughts together.

[wecloud]

Past record nt so relevant in today's world. Because many more have past records. Why should past records differentiate you from the rest?

Lack of wealth doesnt make it more difficult. Its the lack of character compatibility which makes far worse. Lack of wealth is usually a.symptom, due to other root causes and not always the cause of problems...

bro you got the key words there.
lack of character compatibility
well said!

[cmelater]

most likely no. Nowadays, very difficult to have a faithful marriage.

It is not only difficult. But, divergence of values and beliefs make it very challenging. If you look from point of self centered personalities, its far worse.

Unlike the folks in the 80s (and may be 90s) and earlier, there is a lot more of that "me first", "me too", "me always" and "forever me" sort of attitude, personality, character and whatever-you-can-name values all round the world. If you consider all this, almost all relationships (including marriage) becomes untenable unless there is a kid involved. Else, there is little reason for both sides to "suffer, endure and put up with", until the "end of time".

Honestly, whats there to strive for? Marriage is hard enough. Putting up with whatever-wherever-whatsoever unhappiness or displeasure is surely a self punishment worse than death. What for honestly. Visualise this also. What about 30 yrs later after being with this spouse for so long?

If one were to reason it rationally, there is no reason to continue enduring, suffering, toleratinf and continuing to be pissed and f###ing unhappy. Absolutely no reason to, given that time is such a limited scarce resource...

[Greenfrog]

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..

Bro, in that case, i think you will be happier alone.

[Kuan Aik Hong]

i took the wager and lost.
having a past record makes it difficult to find another one.
not being rich triples the difficulty..


Is the end of the world...........enjoy your freedom...

[linrx]

We all know that getting married is a milestone in life, to you was it the best or worst decision you have ever made?

I am asking this as I have seen guys (married for more than 10yrs or so) who are married but not happily married, I know of one whom is married for 20yrs & have regular FLs/FBs outside of his marriage (He was initially faithful in his marriage, what tiggered him to start "outsourcing" was becoze he was angry with his wife). And the list goes on..as what I have noticed on other married men.

The men that I know stayed married for the fact of not getting into financial burden (alimony to ex-wife, splitting of house proceeds), children (not wanting them to grow up in broken families), society ostracisation & etc. Not the fact that they really love the woman whom they married & want to spend the rest of their life with her in sickness & in health....also staying faithful thru out the marriage as well.

It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian :( )..??

For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman? :)

I will choose the woman because it is worse if I choose any guy.

Yet from my own limited experience, monogamy i.e. the law of our time appears easier said than done.

If heterosexual monogamy can already be quite a challenge for some including me perhaps, anything other than that is imho even more difficult.

I can barely envision polygamy being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision divorce being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision widowhood being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision remarriage being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision premarital copulation being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision LBGT being easier than monogamy.
I can barely envision whores/gigolos being easier than monogamy.
The list may go on.. :(

On my end here, I am choosing singlehood or even continence at this juncture because each time I try getting a girlfriend I got a lot of senior citizens and pioneer generations that make a stable relationship sometimes sound like a complete joke.

Even if I or everybody can turn back time we still are born from wombs, vaginas and dicks, it's is a paradox in itself trying to prevent mammalian parents from fucking, the baby was not there physically when the fucks that created the baby happened.

Turn back time or even space yet the penis and the pussy when they join together, they join together.

[coolmon]

Just IMHO


It makes me wonder at times...am I mixing with the wrong group of people OR it is a natural process in life tat when you are married for long (more than 10 years)...you are staying married NOT for love but rather because of obligations (no choice, boh bian :( )..??

It is normal. If not, how come people always say true love is difficult to find.


For those whom are married for more than 10yrs, if you could turn back time...would you have choosen the same woman? :)

1. We always thought that we can choice another one, but do we actually have that many choices?
2. It might be worst if another one was chosen.
3. The problem may not be on the woman or not on her alone.

As to answer the title. Yes, if I could turn back the clock, I will still get married, with the same woman, because it is the most logical and the best thing to do at that point of time. However, I will like to prevent many pot holes along the road which eventually leads to many problems.

Too bad, sometime it is impossible to have a second chance.

[topcook1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjGdVjLvc5I



If turn back time, I will never marry .....Right now very cautious about relationship traps. Before and after marriage is a totally different story....marriage is just a fantasy for those who are single.

[jnudes]

Meaning I have no debt .......no burden...financial freedom... ample money for retirement ...No required amount in the bank accounts....

I am approaching 40 years old, currently 37 and still single. I have no debt with anybody including banks and loan shark. Got enough money to spend and I always use cash when paying.

No credit card due to hassle paying later on. My only focus is to keep myself healthy by going for regular daily exercise. I also cook my own meals at home.
Save heaps from eating outside, maybe few times per month.

I seek contentment rather than perfection in life. And everything I do in life I do it moderately as anything too much is bad for you.

[jnudes]

I still have to work but without much stress about losing my job....well I have rental collection from my house , a FD interest ...driving part time taxi during weekends ...Just feel happy nowadays coz no more emotional stress and nobody to be accountable except being filial to my parents. This is my interpretation , different people has its interpretation too..

I am self-employed and currently investing in stocks. One good thing about this is I can have my own flexibility and manage my time more easily compared to when you work for others. On my day to day life I live independently by going to exercise alone and luckily I stay with parents and yes being filial is part of every children's duty. The only thing being single that I hate is when I get sick and stay in bed whole day. No choice but need to be careful what I eat plus regular exercise to keep me healthy.

[zan888]

I am approaching 40 years old, currently 37 and still single. I have no debt with anybody including banks and loan shark. Got enough money to spend and I always use cash when paying.

No credit card due to hassle paying later on. My only focus is to keep myself healthy by going for regular daily exercise. I also cook my own meals at home.
Save heaps from eating outside, maybe few times per month.

I seek contentment rather than perfection in life. And everything I do in life I do it moderately as anything too much is bad for you.

Different people are different goals in life. Sounds like you are living your dream. I wish I have luck in stock investments cos all too often, I thank myself that I have a day job :P.

If one wishes to have children, marriage is somewhat inevitable. Many people stay in failing marriages, for the sake of their kids, which is a somewhat sad state but common, because in the first place there was no mutual love. Perhaps there was like passionate or lustful love which has faded away.

I think statistically it is healthier to be in a relationship, but which girl will let you drag her infinitum w/o the prospects of marriage? It's kinda tiring to find one gf after another and truth be told, hard to find someone whom you can relate to, communicate, love and feels the same way about you?

[jooj]

Even If you could turn back time, you might have taken another path, the outcome will not be what you perceive.

Everything changes with time. Human beings are no exception, driven by greed, attachment, craving….

Your present wife, Husband, bf, gf, bro, sis… might not be the same person ten years down the road.

If mindfulness is sustain on core values throughout. One should be happy to have such partner but the true is most finding it hard to resist the temptation as society moves forward.

[jnudes]

Different people are different goals in life. Sounds like you are living your dream. I wish I have luck in stock investments cos all too often, I thank myself that I have a day job :P.

I think statistically it is healthier to be in a relationship, but which girl will let you drag her infinitum w/o the prospects of marriage? It's kinda tiring to find one gf after another and truth be told, hard to find someone whom you can relate to, communicate, love and feels the same way about you?

With stock investments there are some risk involved. With a day job there are also risk too. The company can suddenly gone bankrupt and the next day you lose the job! The most stable is probably working for the govt.

I was in relationship before but broken up. Yes I am tired to find new gf again. So far I can feel being single is not really that bad at all. You get 100% freedom and not being controlled by others. You do the things you want and no need to worry what others say behind your back for being single.

[topcook1]

With stock investments there are some risk involved. With a day job there are also risk too. The company can suddenly gone bankrupt and the next day you lose the job! The most stable is probably working for the govt.

I was in relationship before but broken up. Yes I am tired to find new gf again. So far I can feel being single is not really that bad at all. You get 100% freedom and not being controlled by others. You do the things you want and no need to worry what others say behind your back for being single.

True. After my divorce and few broken relationship, I have starts to enjoy single hood. I do appreciate it very much because I dont have any more burden or time to care for others. No need to report situation and location liaoz.....Just a minor loneliness only . I find that loneliness is better to have a wrong partner. As for sex I just pay and let go with no string attached.

[I Love Boobs]

I recently lost my job.
To add to that, my fat wife of 10 years left me to have an affair with a 70 year old man, and became his sugarbaby. Her parents knew about it and covered it up, said I was useless and cannot earn money, useless man who cannot support family.
We have 2 children, and I've been threatened hurt if I see them again.
I'm broke, in poor health, and have lost my family.....
Suicide is a consideration, but for my supportive parents.
And my wife seemed like the loving kind at the start, I would never have known.....

[MrDebonair]

有爱就有痛.我爱过火也痛过漠。

One has to go thru love & pain,fail & tries in order to truly appreciate his single hood after.:cool:

[Captainoceania77]

I recently lost my job.
To add to that, my fat wife of 10 years left me to have an affair with a 70 year old man, and became his sugarbaby. Her parents knew about it and covered it up, said I was useless and cannot earn money, useless man who cannot support family.
We have 2 children, and I've been threatened hurt if I see them again.
I'm broke, in poor health, and have lost my family.....
Suicide is a consideration, but for my supportive parents.
And my wife seemed like the loving kind at the start, I would never have known.....

Sounds bad....hope u are alright bro. Marriage is just a bad investment.

[HCKing]

should set a time frame of maybe 10 yrs. i bet the answer will be no for many. :D

[torrentman123]

I am self-employed and currently investing in stocks. One good thing about this is I can have my own flexibility and manage my time more easily compared to when you work for others. On my day to day life I live independently by going to exercise alone and luckily I stay with parents and yes being filial is part of every children's duty. The only thing being single that I hate is when I get sick and stay in bed whole day. No choice but need to be careful what I eat plus regular exercise to keep me healthy.

Then what do you do for "release"?
Or emotional intimacy?

[jnudes]

Then what do you do for "release"?
Or emotional intimacy?

I do DIY masturbation after watching porn. I still go out for FJ once in a while to unload stress. If there is no FJ involved I will still go for massage without HJ. That's good for detoxification inside body. Emotional intimacy only exist during the FJ session only. Other than that I have none.

[Ngengheng]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD0MLsk3R3M

[Ngengheng]

Nowadays it seems that Singlehood getting more popular. Notice that there are more single . Guys are seems to be smarter now.

[Jevv]

Nowadays it seems that Singlehood getting more popular. Notice that there are more single . Guys are seems to be smarter now.

is it?? wat i noticed is there r more pregnant & married women ard leh...:rolleyes:

[Xia406]

This wasnt new to me. To know a person, its important to know her surrounding family, friends and et etc kaki. Feathers of a bird flock together. If you want to find a swan, you have to look for that gathering of swans. If you want to find a hungry, look for that pack of wolves on the hunt. If u wan a cheongster gf, go to a club or nite spot.

The point is that the places where she hang out at will also be somewhat indicative of the person she really is. At least, this is what i think it is. Cheers

These are the golden words of wisdom.

[cmelater]

These are the golden words of wisdom.

And..... The more we fall the faster we learn. Ironically, these are best appreciated as we fall more often. :eek:

A friend told me he fell for a wl. I looked at him with my eyes wide open. Do we know what we want? And, there were too many questions i felt were not clearly answered.

Is it love or lust? Or is loneliness of the mind or yearnings of the heart? If its lust and loneliness, money can solve both. And, if its not this gal, the next can be just as good or better.

Love and yearnings of the heart are of course much tougher to handle. If this is the case, no one knows who is the one. The one today may be more real than the previous or more fake than the next. If the heart is a creature with a mind of its own, it must be quite a confusing creature.

Fate brings two persons together, but the heart decides who gets to stay.

[newhere]

Well, you would have to turn back time quite a fair bit for it to have much effect on your marriage.

Marriage isn't a new discovery; it's been going on for thousands of years. Has our ancestors solved the problems arising from marriage? Judging from the negligible divorce rates of our grandparents, I'd say mostly yes. Unfortunately, our gramps enjoyed the obedient, stay-in-kitchen, virgin, conservative, respectful fruits grown by our ancestors, yet they created a society that provided their grandsons with empowered, princessy, ambitious, feminazis who won't give birth to children.

So, what is a disillusioned son of Singapore to do? Go back to basics. Virgin, obedient, domesticated SYT. The (3rd) world is your oyster. For the more immobile (i.e. stuck in Singapore), perhaps joining a religious organization that has a heavily conservative slant that worships marriage.

[topcook1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KNI_geJ7OM

[wittyman]

Sounds bad....hope u are alright bro. Marriage is just a bad investment.

agree, and it is the waste of time and money

[wittyman]

should set a time frame of maybe 10 yrs. i bet the answer will be no for many. :D

hehe we should change it to 10years renewable marriage cert :D

[cmelater]

hehe we should change it to 10years renewable marriage cert :D

Non renewal rates would be staggering and soon the country will become an oversized old aged home. Then again, i was talking with my friend. There is so little incentive to remain married. Aside from having children and companionship, there is a lot to give up. Whether venture seems "worthwhile" depends on the other person and if the "sacrifice" of "self" is sensible.

Then one day, a mother in law told her newly minted son in law that he and his wife will eventually be expected to care for everyone else within the wife's family. And that son in law must have kids.

The extent of "sacrifice" is not small by any extent. Too much is at stake just over that piece of paper. Given how limited our lives are, do we live for obligations or ourselves? No clear answer at all. Even warren buffet end up with another 2nd wife.

[Sapsinmike]

If I could turn back the time.... I don't want to get married....
I'm a loser.... Ruin my two shops... Due to my horniness.... Sigh.....:o

[topcook1]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SRa-u_uaeo

[hijav]

This wasnt new to me. To know a person, its important to know her surrounding family, friends and et etc kaki. Feathers of a bird flock together. If you want to find a swan, you have to look for that gathering of swans. If you want to find a hungry, look for that pack of wolves on the hunt. If u wan a cheongster gf, go to a club or nite spot.

True and well said. Happened to me with my ex

[Captainoceania77]

So many divorce nowadays....


http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/marriage-dissolution/1768390.html