Marrying someone you hardly know?

[furritales]

need some advice from bros and sisters out there....

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

both of them (female) are in their late 30s and both currently are dating their partners for around 5 to 8 months. Their partners are both in the late 30s to early 40s. And both couples are already talking about marriage. Both guys are ready for marriage and very keen to settle down.

as much as they wanted very very much to get married and start their family nucleus however they have their concerns: "should i marry now or wait?" if i wait, i be going to 40 and be very high risk for pregnancy.. " "but if i marry now, isit too early? after all we just know each other for like less than a year..."

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

but they aren't young anymore and i know they been wanting and pinning to get married and have kids. (Peer and family pressure as well)...both work in extremely female orientated environment and having extremely small social circle of friends..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?

[tarma69]

To marry just for the sake of starting a family and have kids due to pressure is not a wise decision, unless your 2 friends are very sure that their BFs are Mr Right. There is no right or wrong time frame of how soon to get married after getting to know each other for X number of months/years.

Better to choose wisely, marry late despite being childless than to rush and marry Mr Nightmare with children growing up in a broken family.

My 2 cents' worth. :)

[Greenfrog]

how much can you know a person in just 8 months? don't marry for the sake of marriage.

[Stud00]

In the first place, they shouldn't even be asking you or others for advice.
Marriage is between two persons.. and it shld stay that way. no-one would know the other party better than him/herself..in the worst case if you say.. go ahead and marry.. and if it doesn't work out, than what? lose a friend?
In my humble opinion, if ur friend is asking u this questions, it means they aren't sure. Rather be single first, date and take time to explore rather than rush in, get married to fulfil all duties (i.e having kids).. and risking a divorce..

[Bninja]

If both party is a Yes,then go ahead.Time frame is not a factor of marriage,i didnt say 'good' marriage.What ?You all say 8 mths is short,I marry my ex-wife when know her for only 3 weeks...Prepare for divorce if worst scenario which cost me 3k for divorce.But at least I got married before and know pros/cons of marriage...lol

[sammyboyfor]

unless your 2 friends are very sure that their BFs are Mr Right. There is no right or wrong time frame of how soon to get married after getting to know each other for X number of months/years.

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

[seinfeld]

8 months I think should be ok. Afterall like you mentioned if woman pregnant late is risky, not forgetting the child also suffer due to huge age gap from parents.

Many factors need to be taken into consideration, most importantly is trust. But the thread title asking marrying someone you hardly know. After 8months if you still hardly know you girlfriend, that's rather worrying

[hamsapkwai]

I dont know Jennifer Lopez personally but if she asks me to marry her I would do it in a flash :)

who gives a shit about babies and what happens afterwards

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Leave it to fate..Let nature takes its course.

[a2014]

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?
Pardon me if I am throwing cold blanket on to you. I have a few questions:

1. You are very close to them, how close ?

2. You care for them alot, how is the alot ?

3. Both work in a all female environment, so social circle very small so how you gain to be so close to them ?

3. Tell them not to get married, why or you have decided for them.

My take is that 8 months may be far too short but who knows. What you have described, I tends to think that there are far more stories to it, not so simple.

Maybe you should advise them the pro and cons and let them make the decision them self.

This is just my opinion, hope that I did not offend you, please do not take it at heart.:)

[furritales]

I guess its not for me to say yes or no... marriage is a subjective event... like some bros had suggested, the best is to speed up the dating process and see the compatibility and decide for themselves... ;)

[SuperInterested]

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

Very well said boss ;)

[Hurricane88]

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

I do agree that marriage is a gamble...you win or lose...is a commitment...especially women charter in sinkieland...:)

if a couple is much in love worth a try...otherwise wait and see...if no love better dun bother to try...:)

[autoroam]

Bro

To know a person goes not depends on nos of days
Do u think 5-8 mths is short?
How abt 5-8 yrs..... Married couples also divorce after 20 yrs of marriage

Personally i would not gives a "Yes" or "No"
Cos u will be blamed if their marriage turns sour
or if the other party decide to marry someone else and have a blessed marriage,....

[sammyboyfor]

if a couple is much in love worth a try...otherwise wait and see...if no love better dun bother to try...:)

The problem is most couples start off being in LUST. They think they're in love because they don't know any better.

However, when the lust fades, that's when the hard work and commitment has to kick in. Love will develop only AFTER considerable effort.

[korean]

U may advice ur friend to seek opinion from marriage counceller

[porscheclub]

Technically speaking: Late 30s women will miss their boat if they still don't marry & have kids asap. Faced with a female bias industry, they have even lesser chance to find another partner & when they pass 40, their chance is very very bleak. Dating agencies won't even be bothered with them cos men will be looking for under 35s. Their womb will also not be fruitful & very high chances of miscarriages.

I have a friend who married within six months of whirlwind courtship (husband is a Korean) & after 15years they're still happily married with two children.

Also have a few couples who dated nearly ten years only to divorce within 3years!

Marriage takes more than stats to prove & it all really depends on both parties to work out their relationship.

[loveless1]

Pardon me for saying this, if they know when to make love, they will know when to settle down and so on. After all, couples nearing 40 and still ask these sort of questions may never be ready for marriage.

Like they say, it comes naturally. And both should be mutual about it.

[maxsee]

Actually why bother to get married? Just stay together and have kids, do everything as a couple without the need for the marriage paper ... Marriage is only a piece of paper ... And if things don't really work out, both parties can part ways without the need for a messy divorce ... :D:D:D

[korean]

Actually why bother to get married? Just stay together and have kids, do everything as a couple without the need for the marriage paper ... Marriage is only a piece of paper ... And if things don't really work out, both parties can part ways without the need for a messy divorce ... :D:D:D

If no kids, I support your idea. probably most ppl don't plan for divorce when think of married :D

[big321big]

Why not move in together? That will probably accelerate the 'getting to know each other' process. Give it another 6 months. Most of the true colours should be seen... Again this is not a 100% foolproof method so it's still a gamble.

[Captainoceania77]

Actually why bother to get married? Just stay together and have kids, do everything as a couple without the need for the marriage paper ... Marriage is only a piece of paper ... And if things don't really work out, both parties can part ways without the need for a messy divorce ... :D:D:D

Man wont mind it....but woman will always wants to get marry for security sake...

[maxsee]

You can always dump the woman and move on to another one if she plays the marriage card la...Beside let's not forget that there are more single women than men nowadays in Singapore.....

But one thing though, one has to make clear that he has no intention of getting married before going into such a relationship....at least if you dump the woman due to her playing the marriage card. One is not at fault. Lying might result in retribution.

[Captainoceania77]

Read this article.


https://dontmarry.wordpress.com/

[Bninja]

Nice article,well said.Thx bro BM:-)

[CuttingBack]

Read this article.


https://dontmarry.wordpress.com/

Thanks for sharing this bro

[naan1974]

Knowing someone truly is not about 8 months or 8 years.
It's about the experience you share. Frankly it only take
1 incident to truly know a person and eradicate everything else
in the past. That's the cold hard truth of life ........

[topcook1]

Knowing someone truly is not about 8 months or 8 years.
It's about the experience you share. Frankly it only take
1 incident to truly know a person and eradicate everything else
in the past. That's the cold hard truth of life ........

Even 70 years old couple need to divorce too...Sometimes it takes a lifetime to know the each other.

[sammyboyfor]

Even 70 years old couple need to divorce too...Sometimes it takes a lifetime to know the each other.

People change. The girl you marry today won't be the same person 50 years later. Marriages have to adapt in order to survive to the end.

[korean]

Even 70 years old couple need to divorce too...Sometimes it takes a lifetime to know the each other.

Certain people has the intelligent to know another person pretty well after sometime. The problem is, human mind changes over time. U are only able to know the person at that present, but u can't even predict accurately how the person mind will change over time, coz u don't have the capability to predict the future.

[korean]

Certain people has the intelligent to know another person pretty well after sometime. The problem is, human mind changes over time. U are only able to know the person at that present, but u can't even predict accurately how the person mind will change over time, coz u don't have the capability to predict the future.

Oops, seems like I've repeated what boss said

[milfmilf]

Certain people has the intelligent to know another person pretty well after sometime. The problem is, human mind changes over time. U are only able to know the person at that present, but u can't even predict accurately how the person mind will change over time, coz u don't have the capability to predict the future.

use heart, not intelligence

[korean]

use heart, not intelligence

Both as needed :)

[LordVader]

There's no such thing as Mr or Miss "right".

Marriage is a commitment and it's also hard work. It's up to those who get married to honor their vows and work continuously to make things right.

Very true, for every Mr/Mrs Right, there are at least a few thousand more out there that fits the mould.

[Jevv]

this reminds me of a guy fren i knw...

He & ex gf broke off due to a misunderstanding & 6 mths later got together wit Miss A (now oc).
3 months into the relationship with Miss A, he met her parents & her mum casually asked when are they going to get married??...as it was too soon (3 mths r/ship)...he jus told his mum not so soon something like tat..

And when it was just the 2 of them together after tat meet-the-parents session...Miss A asked my fren "My mum asked me when are we going to get married?" He told her tat its too soon, if he were to marry now...his frens will think its shotgun & etc, can they date longer then talk abt marriage?
Miss A was not quite happy then (based on wat my fren described)..."Huh? You mean you have no intention to marry me? If tats the case, we might as well break up now!"

Based on wat he told me..i think its bcoze Miss A is no longer young..She was 29 yrs old when they dated. But b4 that, she was wit her ex-bf for 5 years...my fren cited mayb her ex-bf "drag" her for so long hence she wanted to get married :confused::confused: My fren was in his early 30s then.

So they ended up getting married...from pak tor to getting married its within 2 years..nope, not shotgun. They had a baby 1 yr later after getting married..

oohh yah, I mentioned abt my fren & his ex-gf tat they broke off due to a misunderstanding rite? :D One mth before his wedding, he contacted her after 2 yrs of no contact...now they r getting in close contact based on wat he described...reliving the good old days:p

He did shared tat his oc is controlling but not to the extreme, in order to save the trouble of explaining more things to her...his oc hv contact numbers of his colleagues, frens & etc. Miss A have his ex-gf hp number as well..she checks on his FB profile at times & blocked tat ex-gf from his FB contact.

[Greenfrog]

Certain people has the intelligent to know another person pretty well after sometime. The problem is, human mind changes over time. U are only able to know the person at that present, but u can't even predict accurately how the person mind will change over time, coz u don't have the capability to predict the future.

Priorities change, but the basic nature and character of the person will never change.

[linrx]

need some advice from bros and sisters out there....

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

both of them (female) are in their late 30s and both currently are dating their partners for around 5 to 8 months. Their partners are both in the late 30s to early 40s. And both couples are already talking about marriage. Both guys are ready for marriage and very keen to settle down.

as much as they wanted very very much to get married and start their family nucleus however they have their concerns: "should i marry now or wait?" if i wait, i be going to 40 and be very high risk for pregnancy.. " "but if i marry now, isit too early? after all we just know each other for like less than a year..."

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

but they aren't young anymore and i know they been wanting and pinning to get married and have kids. (Peer and family pressure as well)...both work in extremely female orientated environment and having extremely small social circle of friends..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?

So you never told them that babies come from penises and wombs instead of dates and marriages?

[I1massage]

need some advice from bros and sisters out there....

recently 2 people very close to me had asked me some questions... they do not know each other yet both of them are in similar situations..

both of them (female) are in their late 30s and both currently are dating their partners for around 5 to 8 months. Their partners are both in the late 30s to early 40s. And both couples are already talking about marriage. Both guys are ready for marriage and very keen to settle down.

as much as they wanted very very much to get married and start their family nucleus however they have their concerns: "should i marry now or wait?" if i wait, i be going to 40 and be very high risk for pregnancy.. " "but if i marry now, isit too early? after all we just know each other for like less than a year..."

i very very much would love to tell them not to get married. They might regret marrying this early... after all they only just know their partners... As iam very close to them, my advice would greatly influence their decision..

but they aren't young anymore and i know they been wanting and pinning to get married and have kids. (Peer and family pressure as well)...both work in extremely female orientated environment and having extremely small social circle of friends..

i do not want to say "up to you lor... u wan to marry u go marry la" bcos i care for them and dosent want them to regret their decision.. yet, they desperately want kids..

Am i wrong to tell them not to get married and just wait few more years?
There is no right or wrong / yes or no. It more the chemistry and experience. I married to PRC gal less than a year and now 16 years later we are still together with additional 2 children. :)

[curious76]

There is no right or wrong / yes or no. It more the chemistry and experience. I married to PRC gal less than a year and now 16 years later we are still together with additional 2 children. :)

I will say it depends on fate. Sometime situation can make a person change.

[hijav]

Jevv, your fren is a wimp. I would have just broken up with dat gal.

I had a fren who married in 7 months afterknowing the guy and within a year, was already contemplating divorce.

[terrorise]

The question is can your friend define 'hardly know' versus 'Very sure' ?? Marriage is about living life together for a long long time after, and by that meaning each of us will be learning something different about each other each day.
There's no definite answer to "How much do you know him/her" but instead i would like to put it, "How much are you willing to know him/her".

Sure your friend will have tons of questions in her head asking herself if she's gonna be ready and make the right choice. That's life, everything is about choices, from the moment we all wakes up everyday every action is a choice. That doesn't mean anything guaranteed for us, there might be good results there might be bad results but there wont be no results.

The only uncertainty in our lives is when we have no results, because we didn't attempt to do it and that myth will follow you forever hopefully one day you don't see it as a regret.

There's alot of mixed feelings and considerations for this matter, but importantly, how important is this to your friend ? Does she want this bad enough ? Love cannot be measured by time, for Love represents the symbol of commitment. Only with commitments love exists.

Hope my advice is not too complicated :D

[I1massage]

I will say it depends on fate. Sometime situation can make a person change.
Yes, fate is one, but most important is the commitment and compromise to make it last....despite our chinese horoscope completely crash each other...

[peanutbutterjel]

Boss speaking very good sense in this thread.

Sharing bite-sized food for thought:
Its about marrying first and falling in love later.
http://romanticupdates.com/2015/04/3-reasons-why-you-should-marry-first-and-fall-in-love-later/

[Jevv]

Jevv, your fren is a wimp. I would have just broken up with dat gal.

I had a fren who married in 7 months afterknowing the guy and within a year, was already contemplating divorce.

u mean wat? My fren shld hv broken up wit tat gal (his OC now)?

3 mths into the r/ship...OC alrdy opened her mouth & talked abt marriage thingy liao...citing its her mum who asked when they r getting married? Mus stand in her shoes to think mah...She was 29 when she knew my fren, my fren was 32...to talk abt marriage i guess its a sooner or later matter;) since like tat, might as well talk now lo..:p
I asked him..when he invited his frens to his wedding were they surprised? (coze very fast) He said no..coze his age is there alrdy...

fast forward to now...they r gg to b married for 3 yrs liao...nw expecting baby no 2 in July, but my fren outside also got affair (he is with his ex gf- the gf b4 his current OC)

divorce is easy when no kids r involved...got kids, u wanna leave have to think xxxx times :)

[Archerguard]

Boss speaking very good sense in this thread.

Sharing bite-sized food for thought:
Its about marrying first and falling in love later.

Hellen Chen sounds right.

pbj, let's get married! :eek:

you marry me or i marry you? which do you prefer? :p

[Edyta]

People change. The girl you marry today won't be the same person 50 years later. Marriages have to adapt in order to survive to the end.

absolutely true. i have live thru this myself.
people change as ccircumstances n environment change.

just last week's newspaper reported divorce up for longer marriage n 1 case cited the wife went on to pursue higher education n now earns 3x more than husband. she wants the kids to go to college n he wants them to go out to work soonest possible. they clash on fundamental values n direction in life. thats why every marriage is a gamble. there is no sure win. so knowing someone longer is no insurance against divorce.