mistress wants to bear baby [Archive] - The Asian Commercial Sex Scene

Triple70

02-12-2014, 08:00 AM

No matter how much love there is between a couple, a baby = aunty maker.

It will take tons of tolerance and patience to accept the issues of a naggy frustrated, possessive, and jealous chiobu.

No matter how much assurance the lady gives that she won't be an aunty, once the hormonal changes occur due to the pregnancy, there is no turning back. I am not saying don't do it, just be aware of the challenges ahead.

Personally, I wld assess the personality of the woman first. If she damn steady, mature, no roller coaster emo issues, walk the jiang hu before, then high chance she will be a wonderful companion even with kid. Watch out for third party baggage like parents that may cause this whole union to fall apart.

There are many nice attractive single moms out there, but I realise most are nice after having gone through hell with others and can now appreciate a good man.

korean

02-12-2014, 08:06 AM

Good piece of advice, thx bro!

No matter how much love there is between a couple, a baby = aunty maker.

It will take tons of tolerance and patience to accept the issues of a naggy frustrated, possessive, and jealous chiobu.

No matter how much assurance the lady gives that she won't be an aunty, once the hormonal changes occur due to the pregnancy, there is no turning back. I am not saying don't do it, just be aware of the challenges ahead.

Personally, I wld assess the personality of the woman first. If she damn steady, mature, no roller coaster emo issues, walk the jiang hu before, then high chance she will be a wonderful companion even with kid. Watch out for third party baggage like parents that may cause this whole union to fall apart.

There are many nice attractive single moms out there, but I realise most are nice after having gone through hell with others and can now appreciate a good man.

surbana

02-12-2014, 09:46 AM

Dont trust what woman tell you. They will twist and turn their words. In the end they will always win. They are the most unreasonable creature.

maxsee

02-12-2014, 10:10 AM

Woman charter will be against you once baby is born...If I am not wrong even without marriage, you still got to foot the bill to raise the kid...:D:D:D

korean

02-12-2014, 10:13 AM

Dont trust what woman tell you. They will twist and turn their words. In the end they will always win. They are the most unreasonable creature.

I guess I cannot trust my wife also :) Wait, how come women also comment us men the same? :eek:

Greendevil

02-12-2014, 05:16 PM

Let get the logic right first. Mistress, every month you pay her an agreed sum in exchange of her sex and etc. So there no such thing as she want. She got no say on what she want. The only thing she has right to is end the business deal. it not a bf-gf relationship.

korean

02-12-2014, 05:30 PM

porscheclub

02-12-2014, 10:09 PM

One option is if you can make her as a 2nd wife & acknowledged by your family.

No?

Then too many complications later. How will your child face people from relatives to school? How about family name? Inheritance?

Most if not all women will want a marriage cert maybe not now, not 2 or 5 yrs but eventually the jealousy will crack you up.

What do you want out of this union, is she a good mother material, someone who can nurture your child & can she improve your genes? A lot of us fuck around blindly but when it comes to our descendents then it is crucial that we mate with a matching partner who can deliver us equal if not better children. Now, I may sound like a dick but please use your head to think far. Humans & nature have been procreating with the better partner to evolve & survive so that only the fittest remain. Surely you want your child to be taller, more intelligent & do better than you, don't you?

These are serious issues to ponder so is she pregnant now?

a2014

02-12-2014, 10:40 PM

Ok. I don't pay her allowance, so is considered bf-gf relation according to your definition.
So this become serious as you don't pay her anything. Somehow or rather some time down the road will be repay time. I belief there is no free lunch, there will be a pay back time.

It's not easy to feed a child single handed till the kid grow up. The question is that are you able to handle both side without the default wife know about it.

While keeping a mistress may seem fine so long as you can manage it. Keeping an additional child, I guess the current society is still not ready to accept it right at this moment.

korean

02-12-2014, 11:57 PM

One option is if you can make her as a 2nd wife & acknowledged by your family.

No?

If can make it happen of coz this option is close to ideal but seriously it is not feasible and I dont even dare to think abt it. Someone did tell me that she got friend with three wifes who live in china and they play mahjong together :eek:

korean

03-12-2014, 12:01 AM

Then too many complications later. How will your child face people from relatives to school?

This is one of the issues puzzle me :(

korean

03-12-2014, 12:07 AM

How about family name? Inheritance?

Long ago she'd decided to use her family name as she will be the one who raise the child on her own. In fact name has been selected for the child as well.

korean

03-12-2014, 12:09 AM

These are serious issues to ponder so is she pregnant now?

She is not pregnant now. But she dropped some hints that she wants a princess

korean

03-12-2014, 01:43 AM

Most if not all women will want a marriage cert maybe not now, not 2 or 5 yrs but eventually the jealousy will crack you up.

What do you want out of this union, is she a good mother material, someone who can nurture your child & can she improve your genes? A lot of us fuck around blindly but when it comes to our descendents then it is crucial that we mate with a matching partner who can deliver us equal if not better children. Now, I may sound like a dick but please use your head to think far. Humans & nature have been procreating with the better partner to evolve & survive so that only the fittest remain. Surely you want your child to be taller, more intelligent & do better than you, don't you?

To give u some background, she is fully aware that chances of me divorce with my wife is close to zero. As an ex-wl, she is prohibited to step into sg, and at the moment I couldn't see her regularly as my wife will not let me travel on my own except business trip. She is very upset about this, therefore she got an idea of having my babe as alternative to accompany her. As she knows that I dont like child, she ever said she may not let me find her if she has my babe. I dunno her mind has changed since then as I try not to touch this topic. Eventhough I dont like child and I dont have any, it is very difficult to reject her only request I can fulfil at the moment.

korean

03-12-2014, 02:22 AM

So this become serious as you don't pay her anything. Somehow or rather some time down the road will be repay time. I belief there is no free lunch, there will be a pay back time.

It's not easy to feed a child single handed till the kid grow up. The question is that are you able to handle both side without the default wife know about it.

While keeping a mistress may seem fine so long as you can manage it. Keeping an additional child, I guess the current society is still not ready to accept it right at this moment.

noted. thx for the advice bro! :)

porscheclub

03-12-2014, 02:26 AM

This is one of the issues puzzle me :(

Quite common for single parents in China but still, child will grow up without a father & be ostracised from young. Do you know how it feels to grow up with your classmates calling your mum a whore? Reality check, do your "child" a favour on this.

To give u some background, she is fully aware that chances of me divorce with my wife is close to zero. As an ex-wl, she is prohibited to step into sg, and at the moment I couldn't see her regularly

So, she was a yellow card holder & you were a client.

Bro, you are a seasoned cheongster, haven't you seen enough?

Some years ago I had 3 mistresses so 4 women together, enough to drive one mad. I love them all but one cannot be greedy so sacrifices must be made and good thing is they live in different countries so been there done it.

#1 Legally, she can come back to haunt you for $. Just look at Chao Guohui.
#2 Sorry to say this, she can be the prettiest angpai but do you want a whore to bear your child? What kind of morals can she teach him/her, what kind of environment do you want your blood to grow up in?
#3 If you can't handle your wife now how can you handle it one day when your illegitimate child comes here to look for you?

It is tempting to spread your seeds but don't do this. For you, your family & the unborn child's sake.

A mistress must know her position & she has stepped out of the line so time to drop this relationship.

HCKing

03-12-2014, 03:31 AM

Lover who the only one I love as I don't love my wife

if u really love her then nobody's advice is gonna make a difference since u will go soft on her demands anyway, may not be now but later. imagine if she threatens to leave u if u do not want to bear baby with her what would u do? are u able to pull yrself out of the r/s? consider it yr fate bah. :D

korean

03-12-2014, 09:27 AM

if u really love her then nobody's advice is gonna make a difference since u will go soft on her demands anyway, may not be now but later. imagine if she threatens to leave u if u do not want to bear baby with her what would u do? are u able to pull yrself out of the r/s? consider it yr fate bah. :D

Yes I do really love her, yes my fate :o. I will still take note of some advice from bros, thx! :)

The idea of having baby has been around for a year plus. After some quarrels months ago, she didn't talk about it anymore. Before dropping hint to have princess ( she wants gal) recently, her mum rushed her to get married. In order to keep her mum happy, she will marry within two years, but will look for a men with child. If in future I become single, she will divorce n be with me. Now she seems dropping the idea of getting married since hinting to bear my baby. I would think she'd given a deep thought about it n not by impulsive.

I always believe that love should not be selfish. I will be happy to see her leaving me voluntarily and who know she may be happier by any mean?

korean

03-12-2014, 10:01 AM

So, she was a yellow card holder & you were a client.

Bro, you are a seasoned cheongster, haven't you seen enough?

Some years ago I had 3 mistresses so 4 women together, enough to drive one mad. I love them all but one cannot be greedy so sacrifices must be made and good thing is they live in different countries so been there done it.

Yes yellow card holder.

Omg, 2 women already drive me crazy. How can u manage? :eek: I not as 博爱 as u as I can only love one person at a time as heart already being filled up with no empty left :p

Triple70

03-12-2014, 10:04 AM

Now that u mentioned that she is not local, we have to consider that foreigners have very different ideas of what is a relationship and their OB markers.

Not suggesting anything.. but this is a very good case study.

http://stcommunities.straitstimes.com/tv/2013/03/10/actor-terence-cao-cant-agree-maintenance-fees-his-daughter

korean

03-12-2014, 10:17 AM

#1 Legally, she can come back to haunt you for $. Just look at Chao Guohui.
#2 Sorry to say this, she can be the prettiest angpai but do you want a whore to bear your child? What kind of morals can she teach him/her, what kind of environment do you want your blood to grow up in?
#3 If you can't handle your wife now how can you handle it one day when your illegitimate child comes here to look for you?

It is tempting to spread your seeds but don't do this. For you, your family & the unborn child's sake.

A mistress must know her position & she has stepped out of the line so time to drop this relationship.
1) I fully aware of this. She is not this type of person. Or else I won't even start or continue the r/s
2) my only concern is her but not the child. Whichever can make her happy within my mean I will do it. But I will take note of ur advice how the child face other ppl without father. I will find opportunity to discuss this with her.
3) probably that is the reason why she mentioned that she will not let me find her when she has my baby. She will not let the child know who is the father also.

In fact it is not tempting at all to spread my seeds. I promise myself not having children since young age but now I may break my own promise because of a woman I love the most. :o

korean

03-12-2014, 10:25 AM

a2014

03-12-2014, 10:27 AM

The idea of having baby has been around for a year plus. After some quarrels months ago, she didn't talk about it anymore. Before dropping hint to have princess ( she wants gal) recently, her mum rushed her to get married. In order to keep her mum happy, she will marry within two years, but will look for a men with child. If in future I become single, she will divorce n be with me. Now she seems dropping the idea of getting married since hinting to bear my baby. I would think she'd given a deep thought about it n not by impulsive.
You have to be very care in this situation. No doubt it looks logical to you. Just only curious, your term use as WL, how on earth she got into this trade and you mention ex-WL so how on the earth she got out of this trade. To me WL and FL is just a term used and in here it means something not good.

There are two ways of thinking:
1. She came here to join this trade voluntarily as working here as WL far back home nobody knows. She need some money and want to try. I have encounter someone before, warn her already still want to come, work in KTV and never even go short time with customer. How much can they earn then sitting around getting $20-$30, so after 2 months go home and be good girl. Back home divorce with a kid.

2. She knew what she is doing all along and wanted to plan for her old age, maybe someone back home advise her. With your kid, there is a high chance her old age is taken care of somehow if she were to get into a financial problem at a later stage. As you know everyone will age, and is a know fact nobody will care for you at that time when you are single.

Not all people in PRC has a luxury of life, most of them have to struggle to survive. They may be married back in China but may actually love someone somewhere else. Somehow looks like part of their culture, not sure how it works. Some of these people there literally when they love you they practically can do anything for you.

But you have to think twice before anything, is it fair for that man who going to marry her. Even if she is to marry is it going to be a solution. Must well she just go married and keep contact with you, does she belief in you love her or not, why need a child in between as a safety net.

Just one question, how long you are in relationship with her ?

As for your wife, I guess that not that you don't love her, seems to me it has developed into a different type of love relationship and happened that this lady manage to patch up those short coming and now three hands clap together. Looks like this saga will not end.

Take care.

korean

03-12-2014, 11:46 AM

You have to be very care in this situation. No doubt it looks logical to you. Just only curious, your term use as WL, how on earth she got into this trade and you mention ex-WL so how on the earth she got out of this trade. To me WL and FL is just a term used and in here it means something not good.

Bro, Thx for spending time to read n reply my thread.

No doubt be it wl or fl is not good :o

She was not in this trade before came to sg. As she got a mother and a younger bro to take care, she chose to join this trade in order to earn sufficient to:

- buy a house for her mum
- buy a house for her bro for marriage purpose in future
- optionally buy herself a house
- some money to survive or do business

This was being seen as an opportunity to 转运 as their family members didn't have opportunity to study much and she sacrificed in order to provide her family members a better life.

FL refers to a lady typically with social or student pass who works illegally without a license whereas wl refers to a lady with one time license who works legally for a term up to 2 years.

korean

03-12-2014, 12:07 PM

Just one question, how long you are in relationship with her
Around one and a half year

a2014

03-12-2014, 12:09 PM

- buy a house for her mum
- buy a house for her bro for marriage purpose in future
- optionally buy herself a house
- some money to survive or do business

Looks like apparently there is a long shopping list. Now she is back home, how is she going to fund this shopping list then. Have not seen anywhere that you are supporting her therefore I would assume that she has her way out then.

I don't think having your child is a good move. You are on two piece of land far away, therefore it is not something that you can every think of as you have said before unless you are on business trip other than that no way out.

My opinion is that better to ask her to get married there and keep in contact. If both of you love each other then trust is the only thing you can hope for. Let time decide, do not burden her with something extra or rather burden yourself actually. Further more your thinking may change as you age and future encounter if any.

Love has got no boundary, therefore do not limit yourself to husband and wife issue.

Take Care Bro,

korean

03-12-2014, 12:21 PM

But you have to think twice before anything, is it fair for that man who going to marry her. Even if she is to marry is it going to be a solution. Must well she just go married and keep contact with you, does she belief in you love her or not, why need a child in between as a safety

Yes it is not fair to that man. Maybe I should educate her on this. When she told me that, I was touched. But in my heart I blessed her to find someone she loves and who can give her happiness. I see it as opportunity for her but now she may not give herself the opportunity. But who knows, things change over time. For time being I just let the fate decide.

a2014

03-12-2014, 12:22 PM

Around one and a half year
This one make sense, don't rush into it. At this stage you tends to panic. I can only tell you let time decide, you shall see. If love is really there, no matter what she was and where she is, it's not going to be an issue.

For 8 years now, I still have not figure out a solution as my views and thinking changes as I age.

Technology is so advance.

korean

03-12-2014, 12:32 PM

Yes it is not fair to that man. Maybe I should educate her on this. When she told me that, I was touched. But in my heart I blessed her to find someone she loves and who can give her happiness. I see it as opportunity for her but now she may not give herself the opportunity. But who knows, things change over time. For time being I just let the fate decide.

Getting married may not be the solution for her, it is mainly to make her mum happy. I don't agree with this but I also don't want to interfere much.

She believes I'm loving her, just occasionally have some doubts which gave me headaches.

What do u mean need a child in between as a safety net.

korean

03-12-2014, 12:46 PM

As for your wife, I guess that not that you don't love her, seems to me it has developed into a different type of love relationship and happened that this lady manage to patch up those short coming and now three hands clap together. Looks like this saga will not end.

Seriously speaking I really don't love my wife, even before the relationship started. I know everyone will ask me why started the relation and even went into marriage stage. It is long story and I can only said due to my weakness (soft heart) when I was young. Before marriage, many attempts of breakoff failed. After marriage, many attempts of divorce failed too. So I just accept my fate as it is. :o

korean

03-12-2014, 01:13 PM

Looks like apparently there is a long shopping list. Now she is back home, how is she going to fund this shopping list then. Have not seen anywhere that you are supporting her therefore I would assume that she has her way out then.

The idea of buying her bro a house is abandoned as she doesn't have so much money now and his bro is single at the moment.

Buying a house for her mum n bro staying together is in progress at the moment.

She borrowed quite a large sum of money to her elderly sister for agriculture purpose and it seems won't be able to collect back the money permanently.

Biggest spending was bought a shop lot costing rmb1.5mil decided by her mum while she was still in sg. Problem is only after 5 years the rental will go into her pocket, before that the rental will go into developer pocket.

So she is short of money to start a business.

a2014

03-12-2014, 01:27 PM

She believes I'm loving her, just occasionally have some doubts which gave me headaches.
You have got no choice, relationship in such a manner is the most unstable. Sometime they believe in you, sometime not. You have to deal with it.

What do u mean need a child in between as a safety net.
She can only think one step at a time now. Maybe she think having your kid and get married to someone else, in future she can still get back with you if you are available and also a good asset that at time of need you may support her a little here and there in the future.

However she fails to understand that time and circumstance (change of event) is very cruel. She may loose the bet in future.

And again at your end, do not leave anything behind that will eventually haunt you. We all do not know what going to happen in future, be it good or bad.

a2014

03-12-2014, 01:42 PM

She borrowed quite a large sum of money to her elderly sister for agriculture purpose and it seems won't be able to collect back the money permanently.
This one very familiar, many people told me something similar.

Biggest spending was bought a shop lot costing rmb1.5mil decided by her mum while she was still in sg. Problem is only after 5 years the rental will go into her pocket, before that the rental will go into developer pocket.
This one got verify or not, YES this is normally their dream when the first decide to come to sg to cheong. Again the house under who's name. Hopefully she don't start a donation drive on you.

So she is short of money to start a business.
This one I guess most of them that come here may not achieve after those asset are taken into account.

How long has she gone back to PRC. Look like she will not be able to return to sg again.

Apparently the only way out for her is just go get married in china to someone she like since she can cope with the house now. If she still think of you, then you visit her once in a while if possible. Eventually how long does this last will depend on faith. Maybe at this time you still not be able to get along with what is happening, you will gain to understand some time down the road.

korean

03-12-2014, 01:51 PM

This one got verify or not, YES this is normally their dream when the first decide to come to sg to cheong. Again the house under who's name. Hopefully she don't start a donation drive on you.

I don't go n question her in details as I just trust her after knowing her for quite sometimes and she never lie to me at all. The shop is under her mother n her name. What do u mean by start a donation drive on me?

a2014

03-12-2014, 02:00 PM

I don't go n question her in details as I just trust her after knowing her for quite sometimes and she never lie to me at all. The shop is under her mother n her name. What do u mean by start a donation drive on me?
Understand from you previous post you didn't support her. Maybe it's not her style to ask you or maybe she telling you all this is expecting you to at least do something be it a little or something more in terms of monetary to tie her across so call her difficult time.

korean

03-12-2014, 02:42 PM

Understand from you previous post you didn't support her. Maybe it's not her style to ask you or maybe she telling you all this is expecting you to at least do something be it a little or something more in terms of monetary to tie her across so call her difficult time.

Yes I didn't support her. Initially she didn't want to tell me much as she knew I got my own problems. I can sense that something was bothering her so probed here n there finally she told me her condition that her mum going to sign the contract (next day iirc) as it is the best shop lot and going to be taken away if not sign asap (old sale tactic). She was short of money that time so her mum borrowed some from the relatives (fully paid now). I guess if a lady try to cheat my money that is a good time to attempts lol. That was the time she tried to get back her money from her sister n shocked that her sister cannot folk out a single cents :eek:

Greendevil

03-12-2014, 03:58 PM

Ok. I don't pay her allowance, so is considered bf-gf relation according to your definition.

TS, so you step on the land mine liao la. Anyway, she need your sperm to meet the egg right and it safely kept in your egg sack rite. Let her talk and kpkb. End of the day, No sperm, no baby.

korean

03-12-2014, 04:07 PM

TS, so you step on the land mine liao la. Anyway, she need your sperm to meet the egg right and it safely kept in your egg sack rite. Let her talk and kpkb. End of the day, No sperm, no baby.

Bro, u talk very the chim ler :D mind to elaborate?

a2014

03-12-2014, 04:28 PM

End of the day, No sperm, no baby.
Not necessary. I got one friend, go cheong in PRC, no sperm also got baby. In this world everything also can so long as it sound logical be it yours or not.:D:eek:

korean

03-12-2014, 04:35 PM

Not necessary. I got one friend, go cheong in PRC, no sperm also got baby. In this world everything also can so long as it sound logical be it yours or not.:D:eek:

LOL, baby can be fake too :eek:

MistressVamp

03-12-2014, 04:43 PM

After reading thru the thread, i'll say that in your heart, you have already made your decision.

posting and asking in here is just to get more people supporting your decision only.

a2014

03-12-2014, 04:46 PM

LOL, baby can be fake too :eek:
Yes, but too bad something she don't know. This guy confirmed by doctor in Singapore got very low sperm count something like 22% so very very difficult to get conceive so how to get baby so easily. But got go raw, cannot take the chance so don't bother.

Once in a while she will message talking about how cute was the baby. After a few years look like no sound no picture already.:(

korean

03-12-2014, 05:32 PM

After reading thru the thread, i'll say that in your heart, you have already made your decision.

posting and asking in here is just to get more people supporting your decision only.

Yes I've made preliminary decision. However feedbacks do help me to think further, also remind me to have an in-dept discussion with her.

Greendevil

03-12-2014, 06:21 PM

Bro, u talk very the chim ler :D mind to elaborate?

In simiplcity, let her lao pei kao bu (make fuck noise), as long you don impregnate her, she wont have your babies, simple as that.

a2014

03-12-2014, 06:22 PM

Yes I've made preliminary decision. However feedbacks do help me to think further, also remind me to have an in-dept discussion with her.
I am not too sure if this discussion with her will be fruitful. Why I said that:

1. You are not supporting her so what make her think that 10 years down the road you will still have her in mind especially you are not beside her. Man eventually is just man, why you go find her, if she is not around how, who is going to fulfill you those task that she use to fulfill you all along. If I were her I will ask myself this question. You would also think, why should I support you, if you go married or get some bf, they should be able to support you.

2. No kid to hold on how to ensure that you will still be with her 10 years down the road. Many young and pretty girls up there year in year out and she will be aging fast.

Looks to me both questions also pointing at you. I sincerely hope that your discussion will not end in an argument and she disappear for a while.

The next question is if settle upon No Kids with you, she just go get herself married and continue communicating and relationship with you. How long can that last, you still stand to loose her eventually. Are you prepare to accept this. Eventually you still have to go hunting to look for another similar one.

Pardon me if I am being too nosy.:o

Take Care.

korean

03-12-2014, 06:31 PM

In simiplcity, let her lao pei kao bu (make fuck noise), as long you don impregnate her, she wont have your babies, simple as that.

Which mean I should not see her anymore then :)

korean

03-12-2014, 07:37 PM

1. You are not supporting her so what make her think that 10 years down the road you will still have her in mind especially you are not beside her. Man eventually is just man, why you go find her, if she is not around how, who is going to fulfill you those task that she use to fulfill you all along. If I were her I will ask myself this question. You would also think, why should I support you, if you go married or get some bf, they should be able to support you.

u question above is something which puzzling me as well :o

a2014

04-12-2014, 12:27 AM

u question above is something which puzzling me as well :o
The para you asked referring to:
1. How you meet her and develop into this relationship. Don't tell me you meet her at the roadside and then from there develop relationship since you already knew she was a WL at that time. Hopefully I am wrong.

2. Apparently she provide you service as well as a pair of listening years, that is where in one of your reply you said she knew about your problem at home as well.

3. You do frequently meet her outside but certainly you don't pay her at this kind of meeting. Maybe some time down the road you all just meet outside and you never pay for the service done as well. Sorry if I am wrong here.

4. Because you frequently look out for her, therefore she find that you are relatively a stable person and can confine her thought as well.

All this eventually forms a special attraction and how the relationship developed, service + listening year + companionship when you are down and unhappy. Therefore she eventually become the person the manage to patch up those areas that you do not get at home and longing for.

If she were to have any feeling for you, then certainly she would wish to be at you side at least for the next few years where she also do not have any one to depend on. Some people will say because you have money so she stay with you, well at this point let not go into this area as in no reply you mention about she ask you for money or you gave her any golden egg. Therefore I assume that she has at least some feeling for you.

So now the question is while in sg she can still function as a WL to earn some money, now she is back home, did she work and earn money. The money earn at home is it enough for her. She did not ask you for some pocket money which is good, however how is she going to trust and keep believing that you will love her when she cannot come to sg and you cannot always go to PRC to look for her. That is why she ask for a KID so at least you have some string attached. If you said NO, and financially also not providing her any pocket money means NSA and so far away.

Anyway what she is providing you in the above 3 points certainly many other WLs can provide too. When she is not around you will see emptiness and that's where other WL will take over which she is going to worry about.

Sorry for my earlier short paragraph translate into such a huge message.:)

TheBoneYard

04-12-2014, 12:44 AM

Yes I've made preliminary decision. However feedbacks do help me to think further, also remind me to have an in-dept discussion with her.

I think its a bad idea bro

Super Jay

04-12-2014, 01:03 AM

Just be careful and i don't think it is possible.
Why bring lots of pain in future.
Call it quit.
I was in this position many times in the past.
Want to eat "mutton satay", just eat and go home.
Why buy the whole goat?

korean

04-12-2014, 10:13 AM

The para you asked referring to:
1. How you meet her and develop into this relationship. Don't tell me you meet her at the roadside and then from there develop relationship since you already knew she was a WL at that time. Hopefully I am wrong.

Lol bro most likely this will only happen in the drama.

I met her via sex transaction. She asked for my weixin in my 2nd rtf (one visit per month for the first three month). We started with wechat daily, followed by phone call daily, and finally we went for dating during her off day and sometimes after she finished working. In my 2nd rtf, I felt she liked me but I was not sure whether it was fake kc so I just tagged along as I liked her too but not loved her as time was too short to even know her. when I slowly knew her well and felt her love, I started to fall in love with her.

Do u believe in fate? This relationship may not happen if she was late by 1~2 minutes in my 1st rtf. I looked for her after a month we met for the first time. I waited for an hour and she was not back yet. Okt told me likely due to extension of session, and asked if I would like to look for another gal. As my time was running short, I'd no choice but to select one gal, B sitting beside me. When B was about to sign, she stepped into the house. So I told the okt I preferred her instead of B. I didn't dare to look at B as felt embarrassing. There were more make or break incidents, last time I don't believe much in fate, but now, yes, I believe.

korean

04-12-2014, 12:05 PM

2. Apparently she provide you service as well as a pair of listening years, that is where in one of your reply you said she knew about your problem at home as well.

3. You do frequently meet her outside but certainly you don't pay her at this kind of meeting. Maybe some time down the road you all just meet outside and you never pay for the service done as well. Sorry if I am wrong here.

2) I only shared with her my problems when we wechat.

3) yes no need to pay her or buy her gift in return of dating outside.

korean

04-12-2014, 12:32 PM

Anyway what she is providing you in the above 3 points certainly many other WLs can provide too. When she is not around you will see emptiness and that's where other WL will take over which she is going to worry about.

I guess not many wls can perform duty 2 well as this needs patient, certain level of common understanding,etc.

Duty 3 is even tougher to fulfill. I believe some bros did try to date wl out and most of time wl will find excuse to reject your request, unless u promise her to go shopping buying gifts for her. Reason is very simple, she goes out with u by risking herself to get caught outside with a men, which will end up to be sent back to prc and lose of opportunity to make money in sg. Therefore in normal circumstances she will only take the risk with some rewards.

a2014

04-12-2014, 02:11 PM

I guess not many wls can perform duty 2 well as this needs patient, certain level of common understanding,etc.

Duty 3 is even tougher to fulfill.
I guess that we have cover most of the grounds already. It seems like:

1. She knew what she prefer. WL is different from FL. WL take each one as a customer, come and go, even return customers as they knew their status and all customers will not fall for them. While FL go for fix pool of customers, merry go round basis so sometime they have preference and liking. This WL of yours knew your soft spot and would want to take the chance be it love or not I cannot tell only you know best.

2. When she needs to go home and knew that it will not be easy for her to return but would want to keep the relationship be it for whatever reason she need some concrete evidence and assurance that you will still be at her side when time of need. Looks like a string attached is the best option for her. Not surprising that she raise such issue. Be it love or not again I cannot tell as I don't know her, only you know best.

Now on your end:
1. What is the chances of you getting a divorce, I guess you have said before practically zero so what is her chance.

2. Even assume you get a divorce and based on sg statistics what is the chance she can be married to you and be able to come into Singapore, most bros here should be able to answer this question. Going there to marry her is an option but I guess it will be difficult for you. Job is an issue.

3. Assuming you want to continue the relationship between both land, are you able to visit her very often as if I am not wrong she would expect regular visit of several days of get together on each visit.

4. If NO regular visit so what is the chance the the relationship will not break.

So now, what is your take,
1. Still stay in the same marriage.
2. Want to keep her with you but on a far away land.
3. No String Attached

Will she agree, so if she is not around will you be good husband just simply stay at home or return to roam the WL world again. Then is that fair for both her (the one at home and the one far away).

Well maybe you can try to talk to her and see how things goes.

Take Care and hope for the best.

Maybe can update us on any new development in future.;)

korean

04-12-2014, 11:53 PM

1. She knew what she prefer. WL is different from FL. WL take each one as a customer, come and go, even return customers as they knew their status and all customers will not fall for them. While FL go for fix pool of customers, merry go round basis so sometime they have preference and liking.

bro, I dont get what u mean :)

korean

05-12-2014, 12:09 AM

2. When she needs to go home and knew that it will not be easy for her to return but would want to keep the relationship be it for whatever reason she need some concrete evidence and assurance that you will still be at her side when time of need. Looks like a string attached is the best option for her. Not surprising that she raise such issue. Be it love or not again I cannot tell as I don't know her, only you know best.

Most likely even herself dunno what she wants as of now as her mind kept flickering. woman is such a undetermine species :o

porscheclub

05-12-2014, 12:15 AM

I can conclude that TS is:

Blind. Cos you think you fell in love with a prostitute & thinks that she loves you. If you truly love her then buy her a house in China & provide her with a stable income. Which you didn't on both accounts so how does she support herself & family now that she's home? You're not doing your part as a BF by elevating her out of poverty & her grandmother story is so typical it's a tale. Letting her be a single mum will only add to her woes & you're quite happy to be an irresponsible father by not supporting them. What kind of ass hole are you? You don't like children to begin with so you have zero experience in parenting. Do you know how tough it is in the first 5 years?

She will only go back to whoring. So you have no problem knowing your loved one fucks other men for a living then receives you when you visit occasionally?

You don't love her.

Deaf. You're really just looking for people to discuss your romance & not listening because you don't really care.

Adios.

korean

05-12-2014, 12:16 AM

1. What is the chances of you getting a divorce, I guess you have said before practically zero so what is her chance.

yes it is practically zero unless I dare to bet my wife's life :o I dare not although someone suggested to me that I should just chase for my real love and happiness

korean

05-12-2014, 12:40 AM

Blind. Cos you think you fell in love with a prostitute & thinks that she loves you. If you truly love her then buy her a house in China & provide her with a stable income. Which you didn't on both accounts so how does she support herself & family now that she's home?

bro, it is not by imaginary. u experienced loving others n being loved, u will know how to differentiate real or fake feeling. I hope u get what I mean.

If I have the money of coz I will support her financially within my mean. Unfortunately I'm extremely bad in money management, and due to mentally exhausted for the past one year plus I didnt look after my investment portfolio hence I was burnt :(

korean

05-12-2014, 12:53 AM

Letting her be a single mum will only add to her woes & you're quite happy to be an irresponsible father by not supporting them. What kind of ass hole are you? You don't like children to begin with so you have zero experience in parenting. Do you know how tough it is in the first 5 years?

bro u should learn from a2014. Dont jump into conclusion straighaway, and I never say I'm happy to be a father? Eventhough I have no experience in parenting, I do know for the first few years it is tough. In fact I think you should even say it is a lifetime commitment to be a responsible parent.

korean

05-12-2014, 01:10 AM

Deaf. You're really just looking for people to discuss your romance & not listening because you don't really care.

I'm already expecting such comments and response prior to opening this thread by looking at other threads. It is okay, I dont expect everyone to have the similar experience to understand my situation. But I'm glad there are some bros like a2014 w willing to understand my situation patiently, analyzed, quesntioning and suggestions. I have no one to speak to, so I choose this channel to remain anonymous.

korean

05-12-2014, 01:57 AM

2. Even assume you get a divorce and based on sg statistics what is the chance she can be married to you and be able to come into Singapore, most bros here should be able to answer this question. Going there to marry her is an option but I guess it will be difficult for you. Job is an issue.

she is not allowed to ROM in singapore as indicated in the contract. If I really can get rid of my current marriage, I will be happy to stay and work in prc with lower income.

a2014

05-12-2014, 11:16 AM

bro, I dont get what u mean :)Sorry forgot to explain this:
1. WL is quite straight forward.

2. FL came on a different pass and can be found everywhere. Plying the street, and KTV. Again for those ply the street they are quite straight forward as well as the are like WL come and go. For those FL that frequent KTV then they will go for a fix pool of customers and at time some ad-hoc customers.

Be it where they are, apparently in this trade they see people of different characters, one look and feel for a while they roughly know how to zoom in. Zoom in here refer to they want to have a permanent contact with you, therefore they will automatically provide you their contact number.

We don't know in her time spend here how many such case she has met and how many customers she may have given out her number and how many successful case. Well keep coming back to look for her for service may be fine since she is in this trade. However I am referring those that come up to your stage with her. Is she don't tell you or keep it away from you, you may not even know as she is in the dark and you are in the bright. I am not saying definitely it's a bad situation but if you put yourself in her shoe what you will do.

a2014

05-12-2014, 11:26 AM

Most likely even herself dunno what she wants as of now as her mind kept flickering. woman is such a undetermine species :oI think she is in a panic buying situation as she is now back to PRC, no hope to come back but all her contacts are still in sg so how.

Well she may ask you to visit her frequently, but again for how long can this last, when both are so far apart relationship will sooner or later end.

Even you claim you love her, you have also said before you cannot possible go there too often other than business trip.

Many people is worry when TIME become the judge. You know TIME will tell you how deep your love is and how much you love her. TIME is very cruel.

a2014

05-12-2014, 11:31 AM

yes it is practically zero unless I dare to bet my wife's life :o I dare not although someone suggested to me that I should just chase for my real love and happinessYou shall not take this move. It's very common man think like that when you face such situation especially when you are about two years into such relationship then it suddenly ended.

Recommend you keep the relationship going even you know it very tough and she is so far away. You may want to find ways to go visit her. Let TIME proof it to you and you decide later.

a2014

05-12-2014, 11:41 AM

If you truly love her then buy her a house in China & provide her with a stable income. Which you didn't on both accounts so how does she support herself & family now that she's home? Bro proscheclub, you are truly right. This is what they expecting or at least help to pay down payment and then some of the monthly installment.

This is what most of them will at least expect from their so call love one. Which most of us will definitely say NO which is indeed why should we unless you have some spare cash and don't mine donating.

No doubt some good one or so call better one don't say it out, but letting you know the whole situation you should be automatic. This is what they think.

We cannot blame bro korean as well as this is the normal soft spot of man. When you come to this situation maybe you also do the same.:D

a2014

05-12-2014, 11:49 AM

she is not allowed to ROM in singapore as indicated in the contract. If I really can get rid of my current marriage, I will be happy to stay and work in prc with lower income.As my previous reply do not make such move unless you are at the dead end of your current marriage which I think not going to happen.

You are in this relationship only for two years and just because she cannot come back and she panic and hope a child will help to tie you to her, I guess this is the wrong move at her end, because if you become cruel one day she will lost everything.

Again with your child you are some how or rather being controlled to certain extend. Some will say what if she come haunting you at a later stage, so you are digging you own grave isn't it.

Whether both of you will get together eventually is a different issue altogether.

Why not you keep the option wide open, do not commit. Just keep the relationship with her, visit her once in a while and see how it goes. If she want to get married there let be it. Don't forget she has being a WL before she knows how to deal with her husband and another man she love. Maybe one day both of you may be together, then she will automatically know what to do. You have to understand the PRC woman mindset. They do things for one reason, the undo thing for another reason.

If you love her you will love her, if you don't TIME will proof it to you. Love is unconditional.

porscheclub

06-12-2014, 11:13 AM

korean

06-12-2014, 04:08 PM

Boys, I've been through this situation & far deeper. Travelling 12hrs flight one way every quarterly to meet my love one, eventually buying a property & setting up a business for her. Only differences are she was not a prostitute & family above average income. That is just one of the few women I've been through & I have 4 kids now.

Trust me, if Korean's GF comes into Singapore he will be wrecked. He cannot even handle the wife now so how can he handle a mistress living together in this little island? If he cannot support her in China, he cannot afford her living here so what will she do using a tourist visa? Work in McDonald's?

So don't get muddle headed & chat away like women. Being indecisive will only trap yourself. In the first place, choose your partner wisely & I've already mentioned few times. Mate with the right spouse to have better offsprings. You'll thank me later because I've seen regrets from fathers & mothers.

Sorry to sound like an old man but I've been through these & become jaded+wiser. Love is overrated because it can be replaced. Family relationships & true buddies are more important which applies to both sexes.

thx for ur advice bro.

As mentioned earlier, she was holding a yellow card and almost impossible to step into singapore (if i understand correctly, after 3 years can try to apply for visitor pass, subject to approval). basic living for her will have no problem as long as she doesn't care too much of her family n her family member don't make silly moves.

Unfortunately in the first place I was being trapped with the wrong spouce due to muddle headed. :( and i didnt want a babe especially with women i dont love, and void the chance to divorce.

I reserve my opinion whether love is overrated n irreplaceable as I believe there is no right n wrong answer for this. Everyone has different needs n experiences. But i will take note of ur opinion.

korean

06-12-2014, 05:35 PM

iceage

06-12-2014, 05:43 PM

To give u some background, she is fully aware that chances of me divorce with my wife is close to zero. As an ex-wl, she is prohibited to step into sg, and at the moment I couldn't see her regularly as my wife will not let me travel on my own except business trip. She is very upset about this, therefore she got an idea of having my babe as alternative to accompany her. As she knows that I dont like child, she ever said she may not let me find her if she has my babe. I dunno her mind has changed since then as I try not to touch this topic. Eventhough I dont like child and I dont have any, it is very difficult to reject her only request I can fulfil at the moment.

Go and read the story about this Mediacorp actor. Is this what you are prepared to handle?

http://www.sammyboy.com/showthread.php?131613-Cao-GuoHui-on-Shin-Min-amp-Wanbao-headlines-today/page3

korean

06-12-2014, 06:42 PM

Go and read the story about this Mediacorp actor. Is this what you are prepared to handle?

http://www.sammyboy.com/showthread.php?131613-Cao-GuoHui-on-Shin-Min-amp-Wanbao-headlines-today/page3

it is only for the rich n celebrities to worry about :)

a2014

06-12-2014, 08:49 PM

As a men it is hard to understand gals thought n put yourself into their shoes. I notice most ppl will has bias opinion of gal trying to cheat prior of reading the thread. I can understand where r u coming from.
Indeed you don't understand them. Why did I ask you so much questions previously because I want to understand what issue you had with her. I think your problem is quite huge.

When you talk about WL and FL I will guess all will immediately put on a color tinted glass to look at it. Very colourful right. On the other hand you are looking at it with your naked eye but with stamp over it. Why I said that because you failed to see beyond that.

Remember you had a post on how we view WL and FL, what did I answer you. Also remember in this post I asked you how long you were in this relationship with her, and you said 2 years plus and I said it made sense.

I can only tell you for your case now Child with her, better not, keep the relationship going YES, up to you. You are lucky now you have someone telling you, at my time I volunteer some more luckily the reply from her was NO. But today coming 8 years down the road I think NO is the right answer as we are still together, however my view is much different now. If you say YES you will definitely kill her off, my gf did explain to me why. I can only tell you now, you did not think harder for her and plan. All this need detail planning.

I have not touch on Bro porscheclub comment yet, to certain degree certain portion of his comment is definitely right, only the LOVE part I may have a different view.

I did not review my story here because it's much more complicated and multi dimensional.

HCKing

06-12-2014, 09:33 PM

Probably I didn't state clearly my objective of opening this topic. Sorry abt that.

Initially I just want to hear real stories of others especially on the gals site for some references. But I guess those with real stories especially gals may not login sammyboy n see this thread.

I know samsters trying to be helpful n wanna wake me up or warn me. Thanks bro. But what I wanna focus on is on the gal side, what could be best for her. I know without much details it is difficult to advice that why I try to answer some of the queries but it seems diverting the discussion too much for my liking. As a men it is hard to understand gals thought n put yourself into their shoes. I notice most ppl will has bias opinion of gal trying to cheat prior of reading the thread. I can understand where r u coming from.

how to understand girls since even they themselves couldn't understand themselves? rem girls are illogical and they are general controlled by their own emotions. when she is in love she can do tons of irrational things for the person she loves, like bearing child for a married man who lives a thousand miles away from her. likewise when her love turns sour she can also do tons of irrational things in return. :D

from the way i look at it if yr intention is to remain status quo u can just try to drag it on without giving a yes or no answer. it will not be good for her to bear yr child as she will risk losing her potential future happiness becos of it. who knows u might receive her wedding invitation just a few months down the road when she met an awesome guy and u will be thankful to yr decision u made for her. thats the min. u can do for her if u really love her.

a2014

06-12-2014, 09:53 PM

how to understand girls since even they themselves couldn't understand themselves?
Bro HCKing, I think Bro korean is trying to find an answer, he want some success reference but turn out all negative. Actually his mind is quite set already. To protect their love one, even if there are people who has a success story, they will not tell. I do have a success story but not sure what is the end result as I have lost contact with this lady. Not my gf but between her and her bf who is already married, same situation as korean.

I recommend he hold his gun because this guy's environment is very much different from korean's environment so may not necessary desire. If we are not 100% sure better don't anyhow say.

porscheclub

06-12-2014, 10:54 PM

I'm sharing my experiences so hopefully people don't follow. What HC King said is right. Women are illogical & too emotional to understand.

There was once I ended on a hospital bed & she wanting to jump few storeys down. Had it not been for her roommates haha, we could all be on wanbao for few nights worth of news!

So bro Korean. Don't do it. Settle your unhappy marriage, be a man for once & do the wife a favour. You guys have easily 30 years together so are you going to live in misery this lifetime? You're also torturing your wife so set everyone free. Since she refuses then move out & you'll get auto divorce after 4 yrs of separation.

Other women & love can come later. Lastly, no $ don't play this game. Just fuck & forget.

korean

06-12-2014, 11:58 PM

HCKing

07-12-2014, 03:48 AM

Bro HCKing, I think Bro korean is trying to find an answer, he want some success reference but turn out all negative. Actually his mind is quite set already. To protect their love one, even if there are people who has a success story, they will not tell. I do have a success story but not sure what is the end result as I have lost contact with this lady. Not my gf but between her and her bf who is already married, same situation as korean.

I recommend he hold his gun because this guy's environment is very much different from korean's environment so may not necessary desire. If we are not 100% sure better don't anyhow say.

even if both of their environment r the same the outcome might still be different since no 2 persons are alike. u can only be sure of wat u will do but not the other. :D

I'm sharing my experiences so hopefully people don't follow. What HC King said is right. Women are illogical & too emotional to understand.

There was once I ended on a hospital bed & she wanting to jump few storeys down. Had it not been for her roommates haha, we could all be on wanbao for few nights worth of news!

So bro Korean. Don't do it. Settle your unhappy marriage, be a man for once & do the wife a favour. You guys have easily 30 years together so are you going to live in misery this lifetime? You're also torturing your wife so set everyone free. Since she refuses then move out & you'll get auto divorce after 4 yrs of separation.

Other women & love can come later. Lastly, no $ don't play this game. Just fuck & forget.

that's the problem with getting KC by WL. it makes one start thinking illogically like a woman too, machiam tio gongtao.

bro, u misunderstood my objective n wish. I will explain later. I'm not looking for success story, I want to listen to good and bad things, happen to the gal than me.

there r many possibilities y she wants to bear a child for u. nobody knows the real reason except herself. it could be an ultimatum to test how far u r willing to go for her. it could also be an assurance to her that you still love her despite living miles apart from each other. but also nvr rule out the possibility of using the child as a bargaining chip for future demands.

but more importantly, always give benefit of doubts (alot) to watever a WL or ex-WL tells u, regardless of how much you are into her. from my own experience. :D

a2014

07-12-2014, 08:44 AM

I want to listen to good and bad things, happen to the gal than me.So if good things happened then you will consider a child with her and if bad things happened to her, you will think otherwise ? Or maybe you are not considering anything but just curious and want to know what will happened to people like her after she met a good guy like you and cannot get together.

I would want to know from you, what is your future plan as for this issue is concern, meaning, what if everything falls into place turn out all good. Also what if everything falls apart and turn against you.

Lets not talk about what profession she is in as I take all profession equal.

korean

07-12-2014, 08:54 AM

a2014

07-12-2014, 09:01 AM

yes I'm going to elaborate further, not now as difficult to type lengthy on phone.
Need to know what you are exactly looking for because all Bros here are going into circles with you. Be it they talk to you about family nuclear or being a good husband or being KC by someone, it don't make sense for you.

I do agree not all people work in that industry are bad. There relatively good one either. I have seen quite a few with my own eye.

EtherC

07-12-2014, 10:52 AM

TS mess up your life if you wish to, but dun mess up your kid's life.If you want to have the cake and eat it , make sure your mouth is big enough.

About whores turning over a new leaf, don't bet on it. Most of them are messed up lazy people with some form of addiction or just simply not smart enough to escape becoming a victim of manipulation.

BTW studies are indicating intelligence comes mainly from our mothers. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/brainy-sons-owe-intelligence-to-their-mothers-1339099.html

That being said, you still want your kid's mum to be a whore?

korean

08-12-2014, 01:25 AM

So if good things happened then you will consider a child with her and if bad things happened to her, you will think otherwise ? Or maybe you are not considering anything but just curious and want to know what will happened to people like her after she met a good guy like you and cannot get together.

I would want to know from you, what is your future plan as for this issue is concern, meaning, what if everything falls into place turn out all good. Also what if everything falls apart and turn against you.

Lets not talk about what profession she is in as I take all profession equal.

yes more towards not considering anything. My objective is quite clear, I want her to be as happy as possible, be it with me, with others, with child, or alone. Nowadays married dont guarantee happiness, so there is no right and wrong. I dont like to influence others to get married/alone or with/without child as everyone has unique requirement, especially my love one I will be more respect her decision. I can only give advice and prewarned her pros n cons for the decision to be made. I love her, but I dont insist her to be with me as I cannot give her sufficient time. At the moment I just morally be with her, if she needs me, I will be there. If she can 放下 and leave me, I will be happy for her :) of coz, if she is the typical sinister woman, then I will be the one who 放下:)

korean

08-12-2014, 09:01 AM

Really appreciate for ur sharing bro!

I've accepted my fate to live in misery for the rest of my life. Unfortunately I'm the one being tortured too. For the past 10 plus year I'd been trying to separate/divorce multiple times with no success. Even I offered to give her whatever I had (house, money) and quoted me a sum, that didn't change her mind too. For once my gf asked me how much my wife will accept in exchange for a divorce, she will contribute if she has that sum money. I told her forget abt it. When things turned to the worst and I couldn't stand anymore, I requested for separate/divorce and my wife threatened me with suicide. The last incident was early of this year, wear red dress and put up red lipstick, hinting to jump down. Do u think I got the gut to go further, I don't have :( some years ago she cut her wrist in front of me, althought not a deep cut into the vein but it already driven me crazy. My gf mentioned that she didn't find life meaningful without me, had thought to suicide, but assured me that she will not make that move as she got the responsible to take care of her family. It is lucky that she is not as emotional as my wife or else maybe I'm the one who suicide first.

I'm sharing my experiences so hopefully people don't follow. What HC King said is right. Women are illogical & too emotional to understand.

There was once I ended on a hospital bed & she wanting to jump few storeys down. Had it not been for her roommates haha, we could all be on wanbao for few nights worth of news!

So bro Korean. Don't do it. Settle your unhappy marriage, be a man for once & do the wife a favour. You guys have easily 30 years together so are you going to live in misery this lifetime? You're also torturing your wife so set everyone free. Since she refuses then move out & you'll get auto divorce after 4 yrs of separation.

Other women & love can come later. Lastly, no $ don't play this game. Just fuck & forget.

a2014

08-12-2014, 11:57 AM

The last incident was early of this year, wear red dress and put up red lipstick, hinting to jump down. Do u think I got the gut to go further
What have you done wrong to her in the past that warrant her to do that to you ?

You better take care of yourself and this situation first.

korean

08-12-2014, 12:45 PM

What have you done wrong to her in the past that warrant her to do that to you ?

You better take care of yourself and this situation first.

Long stories, but as long as I insisted to divorce or separate she will do that move.

Iron Fist

08-12-2014, 12:51 PM

This is one messy affair. Wish you best of luck bro.

korean

08-12-2014, 12:55 PM

This is one messy affair. Wish you best of luck bro.

Thx for concern bro!

a2014

08-12-2014, 01:10 PM

Long stories, but as long as I insisted to divorce or separate she will do that move.Looks like she is suffering from depression.

Looks like you need to make do with what you have at this moment.

a2014

08-12-2014, 02:14 PM

I want her to be as happy as possible, be it with me, with others, with child, or alone. Nowadays married dont guarantee happiness, so there is no right and wrong.
If you ask me, I will say since you claim that you love her, then you need to set her free and you will be at her side when on need. I guess this is the only best solution knowing what you have described the one at home and a divorce is not possible. I can only assume.

Holding on to her tight will only burden her as a women. I will rather you let nature take it's course and prepare to extend your help of love when on need. Certainly not in the case of monetary as I guess you are not a money tree.

Her idea of having a child for you is not going to be good because, if you cannot get out of your current marriage, how are you going to look after her. Secondly you cannot go to China to be with her for even for one week then it will leave it for her to manage it herself which is quite unfair for her.

For the time being apparently you may wish the so call help her or even look after her from far away. If she really find someone then I guess you would give her your blessing.

On the other hand look at your existing marriage, maybe not right time to rock the boat. May be very tough for you as you are thinking now, this is the only way you can balance both end.

Not necessary when two person love each other which both think so will be together like love bird, day in day out. I do not say NO as you have other problem to resolve too. Reality can be very cruel at time. some others may not necessary agree.

This is only my personal opinion. Take Care.

korean

08-12-2014, 03:34 PM

Bro, think u more or less hit the nails n ur thought is quite in sync with me now.

Good news is that the plan to have princess is postponed due to some bad news which Im not ready to review here. Going forward she'll need my moral support during this difficult time n I'll be seeing her soon.

Again thx for ur concerns.

If you ask me, I will say since you claim that you love her, then you need to set her free and you will be at her side when on need. I guess this is the only best solution knowing what you have described the one at home and a divorce is not possible. I can only assume.

Holding on to her tight will only burden her as a women. I will rather you let nature take it's course and prepare to extend your help of love when on need. Certainly not in the case of monetary as I guess you are not a money tree.

Her idea of having a child for you is not going to be good because, if you cannot get out of your current marriage, how are you going to look after her. Secondly you cannot go to China to be with her for even for one week then it will leave it for her to manage it herself which is quite unfair for her.

For the time being apparently you may wish the so call help her or even look after her from far away. If she really find someone then I guess you would give her your blessing.

On the other hand look at your existing marriage, maybe not right time to rock the boat. May be very tough for you as you are thinking now, this is the only way you can balance both end.

Not necessary when two person love each other which both think so will be together like love bird, day in day out. I do not say NO as you have other problem to resolve too. Reality can be very cruel at time. some others may not necessary agree.

This is only my personal opinion. Take Care.

a2014

08-12-2014, 04:15 PM

the plan to have princess is postponed due to some bad news which Im not ready to review here.
Princess postponed ? still have not given up yet. Anyway you know best.

korean

08-12-2014, 05:28 PM

Princess postponed ? still have not given up yet. Anyway you know best.

That was what she told me after probing from her today. So it is not an issue for now :)

Lesp

09-12-2014, 05:50 AM

I don't normally make posts, but had taken some strong tea and now unable to fall asleep. I've thought through the issues and potential solutions, so may as well pen them down for your consideration, or it will disappear and be forgotten once I break into my work routine later this morning.

Firstly, let's be objective by discarding the extenuating circumstances. This means ignore those factors that may cloud/bias the core issues:
a. She's ex-FL. Ignore. Assume she's an Office Lady.
b. She's a PRC in PRC land. Ignore. Assume she's a 'Foreign Talent' working for some MNC here.

Now, let's look at solutions for the core issues at hand, which are:
1. You're married but unable to separate.
2. You both have expressed mutual affections, to the extent that she would like to bear your child.
Note that a child is a long-term matter for those intimately involved, as well as for the child as well. So solutions will need to serve long-term needs!

You have indicated you want an outcome that would best serve her interests over yours. So you need to seek answers to questions that begin with 'Will she be happy in the long run if...':

i) ..she bears your child and bring him/her up, but will likely not have you around to share the sorrow and joys of life as a full family?
I believe clearly not.

ii) ..she begins to realise that her child feels missed out for not having a fatherly presence around, in their times of need?
Again clearly not, in my view.

iii) ..she eventually loses hope for you and finds someone else she considers worthy to give her the happiness of a complete family?
I think so. Because she's probably still in her 20s and likely pretty enough to attract, you at least! So I don't think she'll have great trouble attracting someone decent, who can commit and care for her and her offsprings.

So if you care for her enough, your best decision is to let her go. Don't for once believe that giving her your child is akin to granting her a wish for happiness. You will be, if you could separate from your current marriage, and commit to her, but you aren't. You will be adding more spice to the hot curry that you can barely swallow atm. She's already ploughed through the mud in deciding to chance this FL trade for quick gains. But if you want what's best for her, it's not your uncommitted seed.

It's probably hurtful for both of you, but for her it's likely to only be temporary. However, I believe this fits the best solution for the above circumstances.

If you, after thinking this through, and decides that this is the right thing to do, then you should think about how to make this easier for her. It's not hard. Just tell her you're just a wanker, who's been patronizing young felines in brothels for years, and under your circumstances, will probably continue to do so, since you're both separated for long periods, irrespective of whether she gets your child or not! Tell her it's for everyone's good. You may ask her to not forget you, though. So that, when she leaves you and does find more lasting happiness, she will be eternally grateful to you for the choice you have helped her make!

Good Luck. Not good news for you though. But that's your current 'fate'. Just don't weigh others down with it, unless you can do something about it.

Does this mean that all mistresses will not be happy in the long run if they were to bear their keeper's child? Well, the single parent issues will remain, but all mistresses are short-lived and by definition of being 'kept for material gains' cannot remain long term, unless you misconstrued the description of her? Perhaps you have, since there was no mention of 'material gains'.

I need to stop now, sleep is catching up.

angelinspiring

09-12-2014, 09:02 AM

Dear bro korean,

Its been quite sometime i haven't browse this forum. somehow your story intrigue me. I believe you are having difficulties with your marriage and your mistress. To be honest, one of my best friend actually have the same situation like you. An emotional clinging girlfriend that wants to kill herself if they want to break up and another girlfriend that quite mature and understanding.

I just want to make it simple and short. What he did was..... He married both of them....simple as that.... and somehow they are happier...less dramatic and just got a baby boy....

You see, girls are just girls.... start to think what you have done to them rather always feel guilty what's gonna happen if u take a different action. All I'm saying, you have done your part during your relationship with both of them. Yes.... you are a great man....!!!!...it takes guts, mentally, physically and even financially to have two great women in your life....

So now is time to think about yourselves.... The truth is....whatever decision that you gonna take or do...in the end, the other party (both girls) will say its a fucking bad decision... so make decision based on your happiness and stick to it... it is your time brother....i repeat your time....to be happy!!!

sincerely,
fucking angelinspiring :eek:

Rawall

09-12-2014, 01:29 PM

That was what she told me after probing from her today. So it is not an issue for now :)

Hi bro Korean,
If she brings up the issue again in future and could not be persuaded to drop the idea, try delaying it. Sometimes such decision is made in the spur of the moment, and as circumstances around her changes in future, she will eventually drop the idea.

Having to raise the child alone is definitely not good for her. I was in a very similar situation as you 1 year ago, a WL wish to have my child before going back to PRC, I didn't do it as I could not commit. We still keep in contact and miss each other even today, but she never bring it up again nowadays as I believe she has matured / her focus has changed.

korean

09-12-2014, 04:28 PM

Hi bro Korean,
If she brings up the issue again in future and could not be persuaded to drop the idea, try delaying it. Sometimes such decision is made in the spur of the moment, and as circumstances around her changes in future, she will eventually drop the idea.

Having to raise the child alone is definitely not good for her. I was in a very similar situation as you 1 year ago, a WL wish to have my child before going back to PRC, I didn't do it as I could not commit. We still keep in contact and miss each other even today, but she never bring it up again nowadays as I believe she has matured / her focus has changed.

Hi bro,

Nice to see u here.

the problem is, she always insisted on unprotected sex. In the beginning of relationship, she tried to get pregnant, luckily unsuccessful. After some quarrel n incident she relaxed the idea of getting pregnant but chances were still there. We were being frighten several times when her menses were late by days and I gotta buy her the test kit n tested together.

Going forward I will try to persuade her use cd, let's see how.

She'd actually changed her mind a few times.

korean

09-12-2014, 05:52 PM

Dear bro/sis,

what u've adviced me n what u friend did are quite in sync with what a wl told me. :eek:

She mentioned got friend with 3 wife's, played mahjong together :eek: and mentioned if I'm not married with one of them actually both woman can talk to each other. Don't ask me y can only do it if I'm not married to one of them but I definitely no guts to see that happen if u ask me. So how ur friend make it?

Yes u understand gal quite well, they will think of the good thing u done to them n find excuse to forgive u. R u a lady? Sorry if my guess is wrong.

She did tell me similar thing, life is short, do whatever u deem happy, n chose the one I love most. I asked her how if bad things happen, she couldnt answer me...

Dear bro korean,

Its been quite sometime i haven't browse this forum. somehow your story intrigue me. I believe you are having difficulties with your marriage and your mistress. To be honest, one of my best friend actually have the same situation like you. An emotional clinging girlfriend that wants to kill herself if they want to break up and another girlfriend that quite mature and understanding.

I just want to make it simple and short. What he did was..... He married both of them....simple as that.... and somehow they are happier...less dramatic and just got a baby boy....

You see, girls are just girls.... start to think what you have done to them rather always feel guilty what's gonna happen if u take a different action. All I'm saying, you have done your part during your relationship with both of them. Yes.... you are a great man....!!!!...it takes guts, mentally, physically and even financially to have two great women in your life....

So now is time to think about yourselves.... The truth is....whatever decision that you gonna take or do...in the end, the other party (both girls) will say its a fucking bad decision... so make decision based on your happiness and stick to it... it is your time brother....i repeat your time....to be happy!!!

sincerely,
fucking angelinspiring :eek:

loneyheart

09-12-2014, 05:58 PM

At time to b a bad guy to end a relationship which headed nowhere is the best thing to do . That the only way for her to search for her futures happiness .Never bring a new live to t world to suffer if u cant even give him a basic complete family care n love ... sorri tats only my shallow IMHO

nikeguy

10-12-2014, 07:30 PM

May be it can be known as friend with benefit. (one level lower than Mistress rite?) no money involved.

korean

29-01-2015, 01:27 AM

I would like to ask for opinions/suggestions which is not related to the topic of this thread. In order for people to relate back why I gonna do this, I decide to post it here.

Is there a way for me to be away from singapore and no body can find me or get me back to singapore? Reason is I cannot divorce so I can only make myself dissapear from singapore.

porscheclub

29-01-2015, 02:44 AM

Alive or dead?

Bad joke on your stupid idea. So, you chose to escape from wife & give up everything from your homeland for an ex-yellow card WL?

To answer your question. If China doesn't have restriction for long term stay then u can parachute yourself there. Cut off everything here & shift Base. Wife will put up a missing person notice of you & after some years insurance may even benefit her.

My question for you. You live for yourself or women? Because of wife you destroyed yourself & for another woman you risk everything.

Love indeed blinds....

korean

29-01-2015, 03:04 AM

alive :p

I have this idea even before I met this ex-WL. But it was just a thought and never think deeper. You can say this idea has nothing to do with another woman, it is purely for myself. Since I will destroy myself due to wife, basically I have nothing to risk anymore :o

I guess with valid visa in china (if possible to get one), my whereabout will be easily traced?

Thanks for your concerns n opinions :)

Alive or dead?

Bad joke on your stupid idea. So, you chose to escape from wife & give up everything from your homeland for an ex-yellow card WL?

To answer your question. If China doesn't have restriction for long term stay then u can parachute yourself there. Cut off everything here & shift Base. Wife will put up a missing person notice of you & after some years insurance may even benefit her.

My question for you. You live for yourself or women? Because of wife you destroyed yourself & for another woman you risk everything.

Love indeed blinds....

a2014

29-01-2015, 11:07 AM

Is there a way for me to be away from singapore and no body can find me or get me back to singapore? Reason is I cannot divorce so I can only make myself dissapear from singapore.
So serious ??? guess your wife need to go counseling, maybe yourself too. Disappearing act especially your identity is not going to be something you should ever consider.

Going counseling could be a way out, if you are in good book and all the authorities are on your side, lets not look at what is in the WC. You should be able to settle your differences.

Your other encounter is a different issue so don't mix them, get one thing clear up at one time. Your future is in your own hand. Act wisely.:)

Take Care.

korean

29-01-2015, 12:40 PM

So serious ??? guess your wife need to go counseling, maybe yourself too. Disappearing act especially your identity is not going to be something you should ever consider.

Going counseling could be a way out, if you are in good book and all the authorities are on your side, lets not look at what is in the WC. You should be able to settle your differences.

Your other encounter is a different issue so don't mix them, get one thing clear up at one time. Your future is in your own hand. Act wisely.:)

Take Care.

Long time I already told her so. She just told me I'm the one who should go for counselling n start the battle again. Frankly I got no confident that counsellor can improve the situation.

I didn't mix.them that's why I wanna be free first then see how if still alive.

a2014

29-01-2015, 01:10 PM

Long time I already told her so. She just told me I'm the one who should go for counselling n start the battle again. Frankly I got no confident that counsellor can improve the situation.
Well, you are not those that go round talking about others therefore we just assume your situation as we all got no info as what had happened to you that cause her to feel as such.

Looks like you have only two options, either split up which according to you no way, or stay put and wait for opportunity which still have some hope. Disappearing act I guess is not a good answer at all.

korean

29-01-2015, 01:26 PM

Well, you are not those that go round talking about others therefore we just assume your situation as we all got no info as what had happened to you that cause her to feel as such.

Looks like you have only two options, either split up which according to you no way, or stay put and wait for opportunity which still have some hope. Disappearing act I guess is not a good answer at all.

Then back to the square one I suppose. Option one I gotta take risk to see her dead in front of me, option two at present situation gotta wait long long until she dead or I dead n in between I gotta suffer long long too

a2014

29-01-2015, 02:21 PM

Then back to the square one I suppose. Option one I gotta take risk to see her dead in front of me, option two at present situation gotta wait long long until she dead or I dead n in between I gotta suffer long long too
Indeed you are in a square now, all sides are the same no matter which direction you go.

Wait long long still have to wait. There is nothing you can do other than you feel that you are suffering.

Take good care of yourself, tomorrow will be better.:)

porscheclub

29-01-2015, 02:56 PM

KNN, bro korean. I cannot tahan you but felt compelled to write again.

File for Separation. You need lawyer's no?

Just pack up & move out. Go to parent's place or rent a room out there. 4 years later automatically chop & split. No quarrel, no counselling, full stop. The lawyer will start the clock the moment you move out & serve her the paper.

You're just running away from your troubles by doing the disappearing act & it'll haunt you wherever you go because the problem actually lies in you! Go think about it.

I saw a picture today of an old couple hugging together after 65 years. People asked them how they did it & the wife said, "We're born in an age where we fix things and not throw them away"

korean

29-01-2015, 03:43 PM

I used to step out of the house, and before I really went off, she was trying to suicide to threaten me.

There was once I ignored her threathen, n she called up my family n as my parent are soft kind of person, I lose the battle.

If I take ur advice, probably suicide incident may appear in newspaper. I'm not as cruel to see ppl die in front of me yet. If yes I will follow ur advice.

If I disappear, probably she got higher chance to stay alive as without seeing me live or dead. I dunno, that y need u guys opinions.

KNN, bro korean. I cannot tahan you but felt compelled to write again.

File for Separation. You need lawyer's no?

Just pack up & move out. Go to parent's place or rent a room out there. 4 years later automatically chop & split. No quarrel, no counselling, full stop. The lawyer will start the clock the moment you move out & serve her the paper.

You're just running away from your troubles by doing the disappearing act & it'll haunt you wherever you go because the problem actually lies in you! Go think about it.

I saw a picture today of an old couple hugging together after 65 years. People asked them how they did it & the wife said, "We're born in an age where we fix things and not throw them away"

firejalan

30-01-2015, 11:56 AM

Serve e D paper then disappear...

HappyBuddy

31-01-2015, 08:21 PM

wow this is tricky

HappyBuddy

31-01-2015, 08:22 PM

Rickcola

31-01-2015, 09:11 PM

oh boy! what a mess!

korean

31-01-2015, 10:11 PM

Indeed you are in a square now, all sides are the same no matter which direction you go.

Wait long long still have to wait. There is nothing you can do other than you feel that you are suffering.

Take good care of yourself, tomorrow will be better.:)

Yes I'm actually playing the waiting game for more than 10 years, and will continue until there is a promising solution. At the same time I'm starting to prepare an emergency exit plan as I dunno when will I be triggered to push the button.

We just had a quarrel again this week. As usual back to square one again

Johnbass

01-02-2015, 11:52 AM

korean

01-02-2015, 02:36 PM

Didn't follow your story...
But sounds like the recent murder case...
Mai lah...

Go seek professional help....

:eek:
:cool:

lol, if it happens to me it will be i got killed by her first

i guess professional help will need both parties to go there, which I dont think will work for my case. and I have doubt on their capability too. but if anyone got more info i can look into this option for backup plan

porscheclub

01-02-2015, 07:11 PM

Edyta

01-02-2015, 10:06 PM

lol, if it happens to me it will be i got killed by her first

i guess professional help will need both parties to go there, which I dont think will work for my case. and I have doubt on their capability too. but if anyone got more info i can look into this option for backup plan

not necessary. u can go yourself then they can advice u how to engage the other party. try family service centres or feiyue. they will only chargr u according to your financial ability so dont worry if it would be an expensive option.

korean

01-02-2015, 11:31 PM

not necessary. u can go yourself then they can advice u how to engage the other party. try family service centres or feiyue. they will only chargr u according to your financial ability so dont worry if it would be an expensive option.

Thx for ur advice. My only concern is they r not so professional n later say without engaging the other party, they cannot help much. Just like many professional they r actually not very professional but just earn for a living. If u know what I mean.

korean

01-02-2015, 11:43 PM

People who will commit suicide won't tell you. Sorry to say this but you are clearly under her control for too long.

You're too soft & only you can redeem yourself. Looks like your only chance of happiness is to outlive her!

I know what u mean, but I dare not take the risk now, and if that already happened u won't see me post here. Yes im under her control for too long n i may take the step as mentioned. If that really happen n im still alive n know the outcome (hopefully not if it is a bad one), ill let u guys know.

city slicker

04-02-2015, 09:10 PM

People who will commit suicide won't tell you.

TS, you are a victim of emotional blackmail.
Suggest you see a psychiatrist who can help u cope with your unhappy situation.

korean

04-02-2015, 11:49 PM

TS, you are a victim of emotional blackmail.
Suggest you see a psychiatrist who can help u cope with your unhappy situation.

Thx for ur suggestion bro, but this has nothing to do with mental issue but fake marriage. One person wanna go n another person doesn't wanna let go that's it.

a2014

05-02-2015, 12:27 AM

I dare not take the risk now, and if that already happened u won't see me post here. Yes im under her control for too long
In the first case why get married. I belief that you are already unhappy before you married in this situation. Married is a responsibility as well which both party need to fulfill regardless of what happened next.

korean

05-02-2015, 01:47 AM

In the first case why get married. I belief that you are already unhappy before you married in this situation. Married is a responsibility as well which both party need to fulfill regardless of what happened next.

good question. yes u r rite I was already unhappy before married. We had been together for few years before married and we quarreled very often which affected my daily life including my work. I tried to end the relationship many time but as I'd mentioned it failed as ultimately she will threaten me with suicide. Things did not improve (cant recall was it getting worst) over years until a point that her parents talked to me regarding ROM and getting a house. As I was a passive person that time, and also hope for the best that probably after marriage her thinking may change and find both of us were not suitable (never try never know mindset for her). Unfortunately after more than 10 years of marriage, divorce never come across her mind eventhough I proposed many time to her when we quarreled madly. The good thing after married is the frequent of quarrels has been cut down tremendously as she felt more secure (woman mindset) and I have more peaceful days as compared to the past.

Anyway time cannot turn backward. I'm suffering due to whatever I did wrongly previously or karma from past life. I accept my fate but it does't stop me from considering other options, especially now I'm not alone anymore.

city slicker

05-02-2015, 08:50 AM

Thx for ur suggestion bro, but this has nothing to do with mental issue but fake marriage. One person wanna go n another person doesn't wanna let go that's it.

Its sheer distress to cope with a spouse who plays the suicide card.
The fact is many people do suffer from mental disorders e.g. bipolar.
Does the attached article rings a bell?
Hope it helps TS.

http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/EmotionalBlackmail.html

:)

old_yet_horny

05-02-2015, 09:49 AM

The whole saga really sounds familiar with my very own encounter... Had a lover in China and a wife in S'pore. Lover was with me for 3 years until i get my posting back to Singapore.

Seperated with my lover in China but I was lucky as i played the cards right in the very begining. I told her I am on expat package and contract is 3 years and depending on performance, extention is not promised. So company posted me back to s'pore after my contract and I bid her a gentlemen farewell. Took her few weeks to stop crying over our relationship...

Towards the end of my 3 years relationship with the lover, she wanted to bear my baby and even said the same thing like ..no need to bear any responsibilities over the child etc etc... Even though she is the making of a good mother (as I seen how she took care of her nephews and nieces) I am compelled to not a;llowing pregnancy to happen as I am not god and I cant predict the future, what will happen to her and the child if I am not around to support.

So summary is that... Just too bad, we met the right people but at the wrong timing. For now...as and when I go China for short visits, I will still meet her up for dinner and passionate sex if i happens to be near her.

Bro Korean... My opinion is that go with your feelings... and most importantly, no human lives should be involved i.e abortion, suicide etc etc.. Karma is double in your next life if these kind of stuffs happens.

If you have no children with your current wife and no more love in her.. move on. Both of you will be better without each other and if she dun commit suicide, or go mental, she will get over it in time, maybe years.. believe me.

As for your lover, i suggest you hold your horse until your current marriage is settled or over.. Reason being that you may just bump into someone who is really the right one for you later on in life.

a2014

05-02-2015, 10:28 AM

Anyway time cannot turn backward. I'm suffering due to whatever I did wrongly previously or karma from past life. I accept my fate but it does't stop me from considering other options, especially now I'm not alone anymore.
I guess her parent knew about her condition since she was young and they just want to condone with it and expect someone to inherit her condition. Hopefully I am not wrong to pass such comment, I am sorry if I am wrong.

You may be chosen one in this life. Looks like so long as she don't mess around and you can roam relatively freely, I guess that's all you can do at this present moment.

Nothing is perfect in life and yours may be worst of than others, that's all.

Cheer up Bro.:)

castiel69

05-02-2015, 10:46 AM

Is not easy, baby come out, alot of problem will arise.

korean

05-02-2015, 11:48 AM

I guess her parent knew about her condition since she was young and they just want to condone with it and expect someone to inherit her condition. Hopefully I am not wrong to pass such comment, I am sorry if I am wrong.

You may be chosen one in this life. Looks like so long as she don't mess around and you can roam relatively freely, I guess that's all you can do at this present moment.

Nothing is perfect in life and yours may be worst of than others, that's all.

Cheer up Bro.:)

No, her parents n my parents dunno our condition as she didn't want to disclose, and asked me not to. It will be better than winning sweep or Toto first price if she mess around, then divorce should be easier. I couldn't mess around freely as she controls my movement, and I always believe she will find out one fine what I've done outside, just a matter of time.

a2014

05-02-2015, 12:06 PM

No, her parents n my parents dunno our condition as she didn't want to disclose, and asked me not to.
I am referring to her condition. If based on what you described is true then she is mentally not in order somehow somewhere. She is afraid of loosing you.

Take care, guess that you are just waiting for the time bomb to trigger then see how many people survive the explosion.

korean

06-02-2015, 01:05 AM

I am referring to her condition. If based on what you described is true then she is mentally not in order somehow somewhere. She is afraid of loosing you.

Take care, guess that you are just waiting for the time bomb to trigger then see how many people survive the explosion.

Thx! I believe in most marriage, there is be a few explosions, be it big or small. Now I'm just collecting the info/opinions/suggestions while anticipating the day to come.

korean

06-02-2015, 01:19 AM

Thx for the sharing bro! I tend to agree with ur statement "no human lives should be involved i.e abortion, suicide etc etc", at least for now.

Yes if i divorce with my wife n she is not commiting suicide, that will be ideal situation for me. But at the moment the odd seems very high, so I dare not make the move yet.

The whole saga really sounds familiar with my very own encounter... Had a lover in China and a wife in S'pore. Lover was with me for 3 years until i get my posting back to Singapore.

Seperated with my lover in China but I was lucky as i played the cards right in the very begining. I told her I am on expat package and contract is 3 years and depending on performance, extention is not promised. So company posted me back to s'pore after my contract and I bid her a gentlemen farewell. Took her few weeks to stop crying over our relationship...

Towards the end of my 3 years relationship with the lover, she wanted to bear my baby and even said the same thing like ..no need to bear any responsibilities over the child etc etc... Even though she is the making of a good mother (as I seen how she took care of her nephews and nieces) I am compelled to not a;llowing pregnancy to happen as I am not god and I cant predict the future, what will happen to her and the child if I am not around to support.

So summary is that... Just too bad, we met the right people but at the wrong timing. For now...as and when I go China for short visits, I will still meet her up for dinner and passionate sex if i happens to be near her.

Bro Korean... My opinion is that go with your feelings... and most importantly, no human lives should be involved i.e abortion, suicide etc etc.. Karma is double in your next life if these kind of stuffs happens.

If you have no children with your current wife and no more love in her.. move on. Both of you will be better without each other and if she dun commit suicide, or go mental, she will get over it in time, maybe years.. believe me.

As for your lover, i suggest you hold your horse until your current marriage is settled or over.. Reason being that you may just bump into someone who is really the right one for you later on in life.

korean

12-02-2015, 01:49 AM

looks like nobody is going to suggest me anything regarding disappearing act, and I got an urge to run away tmr as something happen today and I really cannot tahan.

a2014

12-02-2015, 10:18 AM

looks like nobody is going to suggest me anything regarding disappearing act, and I got an urge to run away tmr as something happen today and I really cannot tahan.
You cannot tahan most likely because you already have someone else in your heart so as to speak, otherwise you wouldn't tahan for so many donkey years and until last two or three years then suddenly cannot make it.

Whatever you do, take good care of yourself others as well.:)

Triple70

12-02-2015, 10:36 AM

looks like nobody is going to suggest me anything regarding disappearing act, and I got an urge to run away tmr as something happen today and I really cannot tahan.

Disappear for a short holiday to take a break from the mundane routine .. is reasonable. Disappear to run away from the problem is just a temporary fix. Confront the problem is best.

korean

12-02-2015, 10:47 AM

You cannot tahan most likely because you already have someone else in your heart so as to speak, otherwise you wouldn't tahan for so many donkey years and until last two or three years then suddenly cannot make it.

Whatever you do, take good care of yourself others as well.:)

I don't deny that someone else has an impact to this. However even long ago before I met someone, I already had this in mind that I may disappear n rather lose everything n be alone than stay on, probably be monk or whatever.

For the past year till date, she stepped on my privacy, e.g. Forcing me to show her my hp, check on my message, we chat, email, browser history, contacts, phone record, open my letters, and even quietly steal my password list!

korean

12-02-2015, 10:52 AM

Disappear for a short holiday to take a break from the mundane routine .. is reasonable. Disappear to run away from the problem is just a temporary fix. Confront the problem is best.

I have this in mind too just to warn her not to disturb me again. But it may ruin my opportunity to disappear again in future. Also I dunno what will happen to her so the bullet cannot anyhow shot out

a2014

12-02-2015, 11:04 AM

For the past year till date, she stepped on my privacy, e.g. Forcing me to show her my hp, check on my message, we chat, email, browser history, contacts, phone record, open my letters, and even quietly steal my password list!
This is really getting serious. Looks like she is suspecting something and getting to be a paranoid. As if you have done something wrong behind her back in the past or lately that causes her to feel insecure.

korean

12-02-2015, 12:42 PM

This is really getting serious. Looks like she is suspecting something and getting to be a paranoid. As if you have done something wrong behind her back in the past or lately that causes her to feel insecure.

U r mostly right. Long before I have any affair, she did check on me sometimes especially during quarrel (eg got woman outside, contact my first love). After she found out something on two occasions, things getting more serious. Recently I got threaten again when i hinted that I don't deserve her love to test her response.

a2014

12-02-2015, 01:07 PM

Recently I got threaten again when i hinted that I don't deserve her love to test her response.
Then you better keep quiet and not speak more. You know when love turn into hatred, it's beyond normal understanding.

Again on the separate note, do take time to under the second one, no doubt you are very confident in the next happening but again do not allow history repeat itself in your future life. Drive slowly and carefully, not only patient and listening ears also observe and vigilant to whatever happening in front of your eye.

Take Care.:)

korean

12-02-2015, 01:24 PM

Then you better keep quiet and not speak more. You know when love turn into hatred, it's beyond normal understanding.

Again on the separate note, do take time to under the second one, no doubt you are very confident in the next happening but again do not allow history repeat itself in your future life. Drive slowly and carefully, not only patient and listening ears also observe and vigilant to whatever happening in front of your eye.

Take Care.:)

Thx for ur words. Yes looks like I gotta keep quiet for time being.

Yes I will take my time, as there is no return when the decision is made. I still dunno what is good for her thought, as it is another complicated matter. She is willing to give up everything in china to be with me, but she knows my problem.

patric12

17-02-2015, 06:07 PM

I started to visit my gal twice a week, early in the morning. after the 5th time, I fell in love. but later, she mentioned that the first 5 times she had no feeling on me but dislike. One day, she encountered a bad men trying to steal her money and rape her, she posted this on wetchat and I cared her. on that night, she agreed to watch movie with me and later I overnight at her place. from then, I was addicted to that until my wife came back from a business trip....

she claimed that she liked me for a few days during that period. but we never called, sometimes weixin as I messaged her a lot, but she only replied with smiles.

one thing seems to imply that she kinda likes you as she will take time off and went for a date with you as my gal rarely did that because earning money is her priority, sometimes, she will be upset if I visited her too often, especially overnights.

Lol bro most likely this will only happen in the drama.

I met her via sex transaction. She asked for my weixin in my 2nd rtf (one visit per month for the first three month). We started with wechat daily, followed by phone call daily, and finally we went for dating during her off day and sometimes after she finished working. In my 2nd rtf, I felt she liked me but I was not sure whether it was fake kc so I just tagged along as I liked her too but not loved her as time was too short to even know her. when I slowly knew her well and felt her love, I started to fall in love with her.

Do u believe in fate? This relationship may not happen if she was late by 1~2 minutes in my 1st rtf. I looked for her after a month we met for the first time. I waited for an hour and she was not back yet. Okt told me likely due to extension of session, and asked if I would like to look for another gal. As my time was running short, I'd no choice but to select one gal, B sitting beside me. When B was about to sign, she stepped into the house. So I told the okt I preferred her instead of B. I didn't dare to look at B as felt embarrassing. There were more make or break incidents, last time I don't believe much in fate, but now, yes, I believe.

korean

21-02-2015, 12:06 AM

bro, thx for ur sharing. how is ur situation now? from what u've described, it doesnt seemed positive. Take care bro!

TBH, earning money is top priority for most if not all WL/FL. Just that some of them is heartless, some of them is not.

I started to visit my gal twice a week, early in the morning. after the 5th time, I fell in love. but later, she mentioned that the first 5 times she had no feeling on me but dislike. One day, she encountered a bad men trying to steal her money and rape her, she posted this on wetchat and I cared her. on that night, she agreed to watch movie with me and later I overnight at her place. from then, I was addicted to that until my wife came back from a business trip....

she claimed that she liked me for a few days during that period. but we never called, sometimes weixin as I messaged her a lot, but she only replied with smiles.

one thing seems to imply that she kinda likes you as she will take time off and went for a date with you as my gal rarely did that because earning money is her priority, sometimes, she will be upset if I visited her too often, especially overnights.

Ken79

21-02-2015, 12:46 AM

TS bro, before thinking of your issues with this mistress, i think gotta fix the issues with your wife first.

the moment u guys talk about something frictional, things get heated up and a shouting match happens, then someone walks away; just gonna happen endlessly.
in the end problem will still be there.

i suggest bring this issue up with family members (siblings/parents), friends, counselors, etc... sometimes it is better to let others chart out your problems and advise you guys how to go about it, when the people close to you are aware of your problems, they will be constantly on the lookout for signs of trouble and help keep in check.
even in the event of a divorce, at least your wife will have a support group to prevent her from doing anything drastic and at least people know what is the reasons behind the divorce, keeps them from speculating.

anyway don't ever have a r/s with a FL no matter what kind of person u think she is, she sees more guys in a day; intimately than u might in a life time.
she will be able to see right through u and manipulate u, now she is trying to kc you simply because u are the best catch at the moment, if some bigger fish shows up she will ditch u for him, or maybe she is milking a few cows at a time, who knows?

your relationship with any FL is just patron and provider, simple as that only.

korean

21-02-2015, 01:55 AM

yes i agree with u that gotta fix the issues with my wife first.

I will consider ur advice to bring the issue with someone, most likely a counselor, as I try to minimize the burden of my parents.

bro, u hit on the nail! As she met so much guys and can see through me, so as I can see through her, we know the other party is "the one", if u understand what I mean :)

TS bro, before thinking of your issues with this mistress, i think gotta fix the issues with your wife first.

the moment u guys talk about something frictional, things get heated up and a shouting match happens, then someone walks away; just gonna happen endlessly.
in the end problem will still be there.

i suggest bring this issue up with family members (siblings/parents), friends, counselors, etc... sometimes it is better to let others chart out your problems and advise you guys how to go about it, when the people close to you are aware of your problems, they will be constantly on the lookout for signs of trouble and help keep in check.
even in the event of a divorce, at least your wife will have a support group to prevent her from doing anything drastic and at least people know what is the reasons behind the divorce, keeps them from speculating.

anyway don't ever have a r/s with a FL no matter what kind of person u think she is, she sees more guys in a day; intimately than u might in a life time.
she will be able to see right through u and manipulate u, now she is trying to kc you simply because u are the best catch at the moment, if some bigger fish shows up she will ditch u for him, or maybe she is milking a few cows at a time, who knows?

your relationship with any FL is just patron and provider, simple as that only.

Ken79

21-02-2015, 03:09 PM

Bro TS

there is one thing about men and women that behaves in almost the same way as follows:

A: when a person knows you will always be there for them and do their bidding almost all the time.
then they will most certainly slowly but surely start to take you for granted, make us of and even manipulate u eventually.
when they are having fun, u are last on their "to call" list
but once they run into the slightest trouble, u are always the first one they approach

B: but when you come across a person that shows u affection at times, nonchalant attitude at times, hot/cold treatments, u can't really read their minds or anticipate their next moves and you always have this nudging feel that this person can always do without u and leave at the very next moment.

This fear of losing a person makes you treasure and be more pro active towards this person.

i think u might have put yourself into this position whereby she knows that u will always most certainly be there.
if u minimize or stop contacting her now, in a matter of days she will initiate contact with u and start trying to be coo to u.

in life we chase after the things we don't have (money)
and throw (spend) what we already have
the more we desire something, the more earnest we will show

no matter how much u like someone, don't ever lose yourself because at this point you won't be the same person that they liked anymore

korean

22-02-2015, 01:25 AM

Bro, I know this behavioral model, and this model doesn't apply to everyone. When I read what u have written, it tells me my case is almost 100% opposite of what u have just described. That one of the main reason I treasure her as someone exceptional

Bro TS

there is one thing about men and women that behaves in almost the same way as follows:

A: when a person knows you will always be there for them and do their bidding almost all the time.
then they will most certainly slowly but surely start to take you for granted, make us of and even manipulate u eventually.
when they are having fun, u are last on their "to call" list
but once they run into the slightest trouble, u are always the first one they approach

B: but when you come across a person that shows u affection at times, nonchalant attitude at times, hot/cold treatments, u can't really read their minds or anticipate their next moves and you always have this nudging feel that this person can always do without u and leave at the very next moment.

This fear of losing a person makes you treasure and be more pro active towards this person.

i think u might have put yourself into this position whereby she knows that u will always most certainly be there.
if u minimize or stop contacting her now, in a matter of days she will initiate contact with u and start trying to be coo to u.

in life we chase after the things we don't have (money)
and throw (spend) what we already have
the more we desire something, the more earnest we will show

no matter how much u like someone, don't ever lose yourself because at this point you won't be the same person that they liked anymore

slutshots

22-02-2015, 07:59 AM

She decided to keep the baby? I'm sure you have to give financial support once the baby is born. Smart move for her. lol

-snapchat slutshots-

patric12

22-02-2015, 01:11 PM

well said. enlightening too.

Bro TS

there is one thing about men and women that behaves in almost the same way as follows:

A: when a person knows you will always be there for them and do their bidding almost all the time.
then they will most certainly slowly but surely start to take you for granted, make us of and even manipulate u eventually.
when they are having fun, u are last on their "to call" list
but once they run into the slightest trouble, u are always the first one they approach

B: but when you come across a person that shows u affection at times, nonchalant attitude at times, hot/cold treatments, u can't really read their minds or anticipate their next moves and you always have this nudging feel that this person can always do without u and leave at the very next moment.

This fear of losing a person makes you treasure and be more pro active towards this person.

i think u might have put yourself into this position whereby she knows that u will always most certainly be there.
if u minimize or stop contacting her now, in a matter of days she will initiate contact with u and start trying to be coo to u.

in life we chase after the things we don't have (money)
and throw (spend) what we already have
the more we desire something, the more earnest we will show

no matter how much u like someone, don't ever lose yourself because at this point you won't be the same person that they liked anymore

Ken79

22-02-2015, 04:24 PM

TS bro

as much as u like her, even if u win her now u will lose her later and along with it will come with a lot of dramas, heart aches, monetary losses, etc etc

once u treat her more than a service provider, that is the beginning of the end
i'm sure u have at least heard or seen for yourself how such sob stories develop and unfold

when you first visited her, your initiate objective was just to have some fun but u allowed yourself to sink in and be emotionally attached, committing emotions, time and money (beyond paying for services)

just remember what u had came for in the first place
move along, there are many other trees in the forest

almost every FL after a visit 1-2 times too many, as her regular she might try to rip u off, but in order for her to succeed it is when u allow yourself to be led on.

korean

23-02-2015, 10:12 AM

She decided to keep the baby? I'm sure you have to give financial support once the baby is born. Smart move for her. lol

-snapchat slutshots-

I didn't mention she is pregnant. Lol. I'm honour to have ur virgin post on my thread :D

korean

23-02-2015, 10:19 AM

Bro, what you had mentioned is nothing new to me. And I'd heard too many sop stories, so I'm not a noob to start with. That why I know she is the exceptional one even to put her among the non wl/fl gal.

I can only say only for those can understand, will understand. 懂我的人，不必解释。不懂我的人，何必解释。

TS bro

as much as u like her, even if u win her now u will lose her later and along with it will come with a lot of dramas, heart aches, monetary losses, etc etc

once u treat her more than a service provider, that is the beginning of the end
i'm sure u have at least heard or seen for yourself how such sob stories develop and unfold

when you first visited her, your initiate objective was just to have some fun but u allowed yourself to sink in and be emotionally attached, committing emotions, time and money (beyond paying for services)

just remember what u had came for in the first place
move along, there are many other trees in the forest

almost every FL after a visit 1-2 times too many, as her regular she might try to rip u off, but in order for her to succeed it is when u allow yourself to be led on.

loster

23-02-2015, 11:22 AM

Ts, I understand how u feel. End of the day, its your choice. Dun be led by others otherwise you will blame them when things go wrong. Make the decision yourself.

korean

23-02-2015, 11:39 AM

Ts, I understand how u feel. End of the day, its your choice. Dun be led by others otherwise you will blame them when things go wrong. Make the decision yourself.

Thx for ur reply. Yeah it is my choice, but I too welcome bros to give advices/suggestions on my enquiries.

Recently I heard a true case some similarity to mine. I tot it is a blessing one as the guy manage to divorce, however the couple separated due to advices from cousins. The excuse is she as exWL is someone materialistic but the ex wl didn't ask much if any from the guy as he is still study part time n don't have money.

Gong xi fa cai :)

prettymannequin

23-02-2015, 12:56 PM

korean

23-02-2015, 01:44 PM

You want the girl's perspective? Let me give you the girl's perspective.

Can't say for sure if she genuinely loves you. But I can say for sure that girls in love would always wanna be with their guy. Why would she wanna bear your kid and run away wtf.

A child is not primarily a token of love. She may not ask anything from you now, but she can always do it when she wants to.

You take care.

Hi sis,

To summarize, she would like to be with me. However due to she couldn't come to sg, I couldn't freely go oversee, I can hardly divorce, ... She thought of this alternative to own a mini version of me. Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

a2014

23-02-2015, 02:59 PM

Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.
Really coincident in their thinking. Do take care. Due to they are afraid to loose you, they thought that this is the only way out. Be it good or bad, you just be careful and think carefully before you act.

The only difference you are facing now is that one you don't love at all at this moment and the other you are madly in love at this moment. I am not saying it's wrong but just happened to ring a bell when you mention about it.

Do take care bro.:)

patric12

23-02-2015, 03:30 PM

If divorces, what will be your compensation to your wife.
does your wife know you have stopped loving her?
what ending you want?

Hi sis,

To summarize, she would like to be with me. However due to she couldn't come to sg, I couldn't freely go oversee, I can hardly divorce, ... She thought of this alternative to own a mini version of me. Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

zan888

23-02-2015, 03:34 PM

yes i agree with u that gotta fix the issues with my wife first.

I will consider ur advice to bring the issue with someone, most likely a counselor, as I try to minimize the burden of my parents.

bro, u hit on the nail! As she met so much guys and can see through me, so as I can see through her, we know the other party is "the one", if u understand what I mean :)

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

patric12

23-02-2015, 03:48 PM

very well said.

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

prettymannequin

23-02-2015, 05:04 PM

Hi sis,

To summarize, she would like to be with me. However due to she couldn't come to sg, I couldn't freely go oversee, I can hardly divorce, ... She thought of this alternative to own a mini version of me. Actually my wife also asked for permission to bear my baby eventhough she don't want initially as afraid if I leave this world earlier than her or anything happen to me, there is still a mini version of me accompanying her. So I take it as similar mindset.

Anyway the matter of baby is not my present concern.

Yea, I know. And I'm trying to tell you that a baby is not a mini version of you. I'm trying to tell you that both women see a child as a source of $$$.

Not sure if they're emotional or you're the emotional one. But I agree with other bros that you're quite blinded.

Don't be defensive. Think it through calmly. All the best.

korean

23-02-2015, 06:01 PM

If divorces, what will be your compensation to your wife.
does your wife know you have stopped loving her?
what ending you want?

I'd told my wife if divorce the house will be hers, and I will fulfil whatever compensation she asked as long as I can manage. I'd prepared to go bankrupt, seriously, to get back my freedom, as anything couldn't buy back my happiness, even to be alone. My gf actually offered to support me financial for the compensation within her mean. The problem is my wife don't want to divorce n threaten me with suicide.

Yes my wife long ago knew I don't love her. But I guess she acked blur or try to be positive minded so whenever there is a big fight I took the opp to remind her again.

The ending I want, divorce as long as no life damage.

korean

23-02-2015, 07:10 PM

Yea, I know. And I'm trying to tell you that a baby is not a mini version of you. I'm trying to tell you that both women see a child as a source of $$$.

Not sure if they're emotional or you're the emotional one. But I agree with other bros that you're quite blinded.

Don't be defensive. Think it through calmly. All the best.

See my above replied. They r not looking for money source, in fact both of them are richer than me.

I can only say at least my wife is emotional.

korean

23-02-2015, 07:16 PM

I think u follow my case quite well. Thx for spending the efforts.

Personally, I find counselors or third party cant really solve your problem. You had a problem from day one b4 you got married but due to soft heart, you led yourself be "bullied" into signing the marriage contract, perhaps believing that it would change things.

You may make a decision based on current information and I can see that you are prepared to burn the bridges to be with the one you think you love or who loves you. One school of thought is that we only got 1 life, so live it to be happy yeah? Since you are tormented this is the best option in your mind. Unfortunately, most would agree that love is rarely forever and things does change. If she turns out to be a turd, can you say that you have no regrets? Only you can answer that honestly because we are not sure what you have to give up to take this chance on someone. I dont take into consideration what she has done in the past. History does sometimes repeat itself but I believe we are all sinners and deserve a chance at redemption.

patric12

23-02-2015, 08:34 PM

now it is kinda long-distance relationship with your gal in China. plus you are not be able to travel and she is not able to come to Singapore. how to sustain such relationship.

korean

23-02-2015, 08:48 PM

now it is kinda long-distance relationship with your gal in China. plus you are not be able to travel and she is not able to come to Singapore. how to sustain such relationship.

For short to mid term, I gotta depend on my business trip or change job. She gotta go jb to meet up. Meet up won't be often, We know after the relationship started. The rest, 顺其自然，至少曾经拥有。if it is yours, no matter how u hack care, it will be yours. If it is mean not to be yours, no matter how hard you grab, you will lose it eventually. :)

patric12

23-02-2015, 09:24 PM

korean

23-02-2015, 09:49 PM

so you just say say you love her. you never have a plan to work things out to marry her this kinda of thing, right...
I thought you have had a good plan already. If your wife does not agree to divorce and you forever postpone marrying your prc gal. I do not she will wait. she is not stupid.

The priority should be settling the issue between me n my wife. I'm doing the deep dive as well as seeking advices. That's why I post here.

And, if u truly love a person, owning the one you love may not be the best thing, especially in special situation. My definition of love should not be selfish.

korean

23-02-2015, 09:55 PM

Really coincident in their thinking. Do take care. Due to they are afraid to loose you, they thought that this is the only way out. Be it good or bad, you just be careful and think carefully before you act.

The only difference you are facing now is that one you don't love at all at this moment and the other you are madly in love at this moment. I am not saying it's wrong but just happened to ring a bell when you mention about it.

Do take care bro.:)

Noted. Thx bro :)

zan888

24-02-2015, 09:09 AM

See my above replied. They r not looking for money source, in fact both of them are richer than me.

I can only say at least my wife is emotional.

Which woman is not emotional?

Maybe a possible solution is to find a job which require you to travel to China often and find a charming guy who will be your wife's bf so she will take her attention off you. I suspect your wife is just scared of losing..not losing you but the status if being attached. Since you have showed her little affection, her feelings for you are more based on fear than love. I believe she is able to start her life afresh with someone else since you both are young.

I dont think you have to give up everything to be with your gf. You are just at wits end because you dont understand your wife and the source of her feelings. Once you address that you are home free! Good luck and keep us updated.

korean

24-02-2015, 10:50 AM

Which woman is not emotional?

Maybe a possible solution is to find a job which require you to travel to China often and find a charming guy who will be your wife's bf so she will take her attention off you. I suspect your wife is just scared of losing..not losing you but the status if being attached. Since you have showed her little affection, her feelings for you are more based on fear than love. I believe she is able to start her life afresh with someone else since you both are young.

I dont think you have to give up everything to be with your gf. You are just at wits end because you dont understand your wife and the source of her feelings. Once you address that you are home free! Good luck and keep us updated.

Last time she didn't allow me to get a job required me to travel regularly esp to china. But I think due to recently I show her so much attitude n emotional, she kind of scare of me n loosen some of the control. I'm very surprise that she even don't stop me from finding job required travel to china...But she said will take leave n follow me.

korean

24-02-2015, 11:19 AM

Which woman is not emotional?

Maybe a possible solution is to find a job which require you to travel to China often and find a charming guy who will be your wife's bf so she will take her attention off you. I suspect your wife is just scared of losing..not losing you but the status if being attached. Since you have showed her little affection, her feelings for you are more based on fear than love. I believe she is able to start her life afresh with someone else since you both are young.

I dont think you have to give up everything to be with your gf. You are just at wits end because you dont understand your wife and the source of her feelings. Once you address that you are home free! Good luck and keep us updated.

I understand my wife very well, and the above guessing is wrong to my understanding. Of coz, so much I hope I'm wrong :p

smoky7

24-02-2015, 01:11 PM

Bro TS, as u mentioned that your wife will go sucidal if u initiated the idea of a divorce or separation. Then have u ever considered trying to salvage this relationship? If u have tried or feel that there's simply no point in salvaging your marriage, then why not consider using a 3rd party to speak her?

I have a good friend whom was entangled in a similar situation as yours years back. Tried his means to salvage his marriage, but realised he loved somebody else more. He had a heart to heart talk with his father, and his father was the one whom eventually sat the wife down and broke the news to her that divorce was probably the best option for both parties. Surprisingly, his wife took it better when words came from a 3rd party, and the divorce was settled amicably. He remarried, and is going to be a happy father. I understand that his ex wife has also moved on and remarried as well.

As what many bros and sis have said here, disappearing ain't the option to what I see, resolve this sticky situation properly. It may take time, but it's better than just vanishing into thin air and hoping for the best. My opinion, be a responsible chap, you still have obligations towards your wife as she is your legally wedded spouse. All the best bro.

korean

26-02-2015, 11:59 AM

Thx for your insightful advice. I'd rather talk to her personally than using a third party. As the chance could only be once, be it whatever approach I going to take, I don't rush for it and doing ground work n preparation. Beside getting advices from different parties, I took every small opportunities to brain wash my wife and also monitor her mental state. I'm preparing to do serious reading in related subjects. Long n tough journey definitely, but I gotta do it.

Bro TS, as u mentioned that your wife will go sucidal if u initiated the idea of a divorce or separation. Then have u ever considered trying to salvage this relationship? If u have tried or feel that there's simply no point in salvaging your marriage, then why not consider using a 3rd party to speak her?

I have a good friend whom was entangled in a similar situation as yours years back. Tried his means to salvage his marriage, but realised he loved somebody else more. He had a heart to heart talk with his father, and his father was the one whom eventually sat the wife down and broke the news to her that divorce was probably the best option for both parties. Surprisingly, his wife took it better when words came from a 3rd party, and the divorce was settled amicably. He remarried, and is going to be a happy father. I understand that his ex wife has also moved on and remarried as well.

As what many bros and sis have said here, disappearing ain't the option to what I see, resolve this sticky situation properly. It may take time, but it's better than just vanishing into thin air and hoping for the best. My opinion, be a responsible chap, you still have obligations towards your wife as she is your legally wedded spouse. All the best bro.

coolmanspooky

21-03-2015, 08:08 PM

clinton

21-03-2015, 10:37 PM

seems a new trend to divorce wife and get baby from mistress ... in asian countries :p

hijav

21-03-2015, 11:45 PM

korean

25-03-2015, 11:48 PM

I read through the last 3 pages of what is being posted. TS, you wanted a divorce yet you are scared that your wife might do something to hurt herself? Did you seek her family for help? And as far as i know, if a couple goes through separation for 3 years, even if a party is unwilling for a divorce...the divorce would be automatic...

Hi bro,

I'm fully aware of the divorce procedure, yes I scare she may commit suicide if I divorce with her. If I seek her family for help, I'm 101% sure they will not agree with the divorce, and they may trigger my wife to do funny thing.

korean

25-03-2015, 11:51 PM

seems a new trend to divorce wife and get baby from mistress ... in asian countries :p

I think it is divorce the forever bull trend in most country, not even a pullback:D

korean

26-03-2015, 12:06 AM

Korean, you may disagree but I seriously feel you should get both sets of parents and your wife to sit down and thrash it open once and for all.

You are not only too soft but you have basically experienced BOTH emotional blackmail and bullied into submitting to your wife and in laws' whims.

Stand up for yourself as a man and take proactive action. By saying that you need the time etc, thats basically just an excuse to be passive and delusional at the same time!

If really sit down with both parents n talk openly, it will put her into shame and again she may got even higher chance to commit suicide. Some ppl may dare to take the risk but not me at the moment, at least not in front of me.

Boinkboinkboink

25-10-2015, 01:45 PM

Interesting topic.

Jin jia lat, yea, TS?

At the end, nobody can ever read someone else's mind so well, all the time. :o

korean

25-10-2015, 01:54 PM

Interesting topic.

Jin jia lat, yea, TS?

At the end, nobody can ever read someone else's mind so well, all the time. :o

You maybe able to read, just aa matter how much.

korean

01-12-2015, 04:55 PM

Just notice this thread is one year anniversary today. How time flies...

The title is no longer relevant but unfortunately I couldn't change the title myself. Firstly, she is my lover instead of mistress; secondly, she doesnt talk abt baby anymore as there is more intermediate mission to achieve.

Too many things happened within a year. It is difficult for me to write down every details. I will write in points form as a start.

- She (called her angela) finally told me she was married to a doctor with a son of age around 4 before coming to sg. Main problem of her marriage is due to her mother-in-law.
- We met a few time in johor
- Our relationship gone sour abit as she complained not seeing me sufficiently by visiting her or even she was in johor, I dont have much time for her. another reason is I have another lover.
- I have another lover (baby) who is also a WL.
- Divorce or separate from wife is in slow progress. probably will have more progress very soon

a2014

01-12-2015, 05:19 PM

TS, at least you have achieve something in life.

- She (called her angela) finally told me she was married to a doctor with a son of age around 4 before coming to sg. Main problem of her marriage is due to her mother-in-law.
This is quite normal, the problem is not who she married, the funny thing is why she get into such trade when she if not wrong happily married. Well we don't blame her, this is her life.

- We met a few time in johor
- Our relationship gone sour abit as she complained not seeing me sufficiently by visiting her or even she was in johor, I dont have much time for her. another reason is I have another lover.
That is why last time I did asked you how long you knew her, apparently time can proof everything. As a long time friend that can go to bed, YES, but certainly not beyond that. It takes a while for our heart to stable down and find our direction. Certainly not easy.

- I have another lover (baby) who is also a WL.
Take care, now you will know how to deal with it.

- Divorce or separate from wife is in slow progress. probably will have more progress very soon
Sad to hear that, however you will have to decide, that is nothing outsider like us can do.

Take care.

korean

01-12-2015, 05:51 PM

This is quite normal, the problem is not who she married, the funny thing is why she get into such trade when she if not wrong happily married. Well we don't blame her, this is her life.

I dont really get you. Apparently it is not a happy marriage and the only reason not divorce for now is she would liek to give her son a 'complete' family and do not want a step mother for her son. until her son grows up she will file for a divorce. She got no money and she acked as a father to support her mum (for a house) and younger brother (for marriage). Reason being she claimed for responsibility of her dad dead since young (not listened to her dad and made him angry which result in sick)

That is why last time I did asked you how long you knew her, apparently time can proof everything. As a long time friend that can go to bed, YES, but certainly not beyond that. It takes a while for our heart to stable down and find our direction. Certainly not easy.

yes time can proof everything. I know she still love me, but I'm not sure how much love I still have for her. Time will tell. Her first prioirty is to save enuf for her brother to get married, and secondly to get herself a house. Worst come to worst she will go back to small town and stay with her mum. She would like to see me as and when opportunity arise for time being.

Take care, now you will know how to deal with it.

Now I got headache to choose between either angela and baby. Both of them accept what I have and who am I today. I forsee myself to stay with one of them in china in near future. Time will tell.

Sad to hear that, however you will have to decide, that is nothing outsider like us can do.

Thanks for your encouragement. It is difficult and heart broken decision.

damong777

03-12-2015, 09:13 AM

- Divorce or separate from wife is in slow progress. probably will have more progress very soon

Hope everything can be settled soon. D can be tiresome issue if not settled properly.

korean

03-12-2015, 09:46 AM

Hope everything can be settled soon. D can be tiresome issue if not settled properly.

Yes indeed. I think sad case is unavoidable. I haven't proposed to her yet to avoid over reaction from her. What I'm trying to do now is "destroying" myself

DoubleTree

04-12-2015, 12:04 AM

Wow bro, very drama

Just notice this thread is one year anniversary today. How time flies...

The title is no longer relevant but unfortunately I couldn't change the title myself. Firstly, she is my lover instead of mistress; secondly, she doesnt talk abt baby anymore as there is more intermediate mission to achieve.

Too many things happened within a year. It is difficult for me to write down every details. I will write in points form as a start.

- She (called her angela) finally told me she was married to a doctor with a son of age around 4 before coming to sg. Main problem of her marriage is due to her mother-in-law.
- We met a few time in johor
- Our relationship gone sour abit as she complained not seeing me sufficiently by visiting her or even she was in johor, I dont have much time for her. another reason is I have another lover.
- I have another lover (baby) who is also a WL.
- Divorce or separate from wife is in slow progress. probably will have more progress very soon

a2014

05-12-2015, 12:58 AM

TS, you will have to sort this our yourself:
I don't really get you. Apparently it is not a happy marriage and the only reason not divorce for now is she would like to give her son a 'complete' family and do not want a step mother for her son.
Most of the people who enter this WL trade certainly has a complicated background. Just like now you were told that she is married and has a son. Only time will tell. Sometime this may not be the end to the actual story. Be patient and you shall see the chapters unfold or the last episode has already ended. Take your time, you are not in a hurry. I am not saying she is not telling all the truth, just better to be more careful.

Now I got headache to choose between either angela and baby. Both of them accept what I have and who am I today. I forsee myself to stay with one of them in china in near future. Time will tell.
I guess what you need is companionship rather than love. This may be due to your unhappiness with your current marriage. Take care, do not let too much of your feeling free flow otherwise these WLs can cause you a lot of headache. Apparently they knew their target and your weak point. They are only waiting for opportunity. You are only one of them.

Generally they have their preference ranking from 1 to god knows now many. You may be number 1 or 2 on the list, that's is why your are treated differently. Their life are not good back home and they feel that you may be their life line to a new unknown future, they are also not sure if this is what they want.

As your marriage is not too happy either, so both hands clap. I do agree not all WL or FL are bad, however you will need to know how much love and what kind of love you can afford for them until a day you are certain of your future.

Take Care and act wisely.

damong777

05-12-2015, 01:15 AM

Yes indeed. I think sad case is unavoidable. I haven't proposed to her yet to avoid over reaction from her. What I'm trying to do now is "destroying" myself

Honestly ur call. Went through similar situation, lucky with support turn it around.

Not point to be together if unhappy and destroying both parties

Take care bro.

korean

05-12-2015, 02:44 AM

TS, you will have to sort this our yourself:

Most of the people who enter this WL trade certainly has a complicated background. Just like now you were told that she is married and has a son. Only time will tell. Sometime this may not be the end to the actual story. Be patient and you shall see the chapters unfold or the last episode has already ended. Take your time, you are not in a hurry. I am not saying she is not telling all the truth, just better to be more careful.

From what I know and heard, my WL came from broken family (parents passed away, divorced, no harmonic etc). In the beginning I did suspect she pregnant b4. But I didn't ask and she didn't mention due to the obvious. The only thing I know is there is no bad intention from her and she really love me even I'm not loaded. So I would say there is no impact to how I see her but mainly I worried for her the wrong direction.

I guess what you need is companionship rather than love. This may be due to your unhappiness with your current marriage. Take care, do not let too much of your feeling free flow otherwise these WLs can cause you a lot of headache. Apparently they knew their target and your weak point. They are only waiting for opportunity. You are only one of them.

I dunno what is the diff btwn companionship and love. but i believe I need love as it is the most wonderful thing in the world. And without love, I dont think they will bother abt me, as well find a rich guy rite?

Generally they have their preference ranking from 1 to god knows now many. You may be number 1 or 2 on the list, that's is why your are treated differently. Their life are not good back home and they feel that you may be their life line to a new unknown future, they are also not sure if this is what they want.

I could be wrong, but from my observation they dont intent to open up to others at the moment. life not good mean poor izit?

As your marriage is not too happy either, so both hands clap. I do agree not all WL or FL are bad, however you will need to know how much love and what kind of love you can afford for them until a day you are certain of your future.

Take Care and act wisely.

thx for your advice as always.

korean

05-12-2015, 02:49 AM

Honestly ur call. Went through similar situation, lucky with support turn it around.

Not point to be together if unhappy and destroying both parties

Take care bro.

definitely bro, everyday is tortured to me, mostly likely to her too. Just that she doesnt wanan let go but i will find a way with as min damage to her as possible. Thx!

damong777

05-12-2015, 11:56 AM

definitely bro, everyday is tortured to me, mostly likely to her too. Just that she doesnt wanan let go but i will find a way with as min damage to her as possible. Thx!

Not easy as took an ex 1 yr to agree before d. U will find all her friends family or ur family turning against u. U need be prepared as the whiplash is crazy.

korean

05-12-2015, 11:43 PM

Not easy as took an ex 1 yr to agree before d. U will find all her friends family or ur family turning against u. U need be prepared as the whiplash is crazy.

Her family I hack care. My family may not be easy to get their support, but no matter how I'm their son, ultimately they want to see me suffer less. Most headache is her. What im trying to do now is to make her has less feeling to me and feel I throw her face. After that I will run away and submit a divorce.

a2014

06-12-2015, 10:16 AM

Her family I hack care. My family may not be easy to get their support, but no matter how I'm their son, ultimately they want to see me suffer less. Most headache is her. What im trying to do now is to make her has less feeling to me and feel I throw her face. After that I will run away and submit a divorce.
TS, your really hate her so much. In the first case why marry her then. I guess this is so call love is blind, then after marriage the actual self shows up.

I belief you shouldn't say "Her family I hack care" apparently you are very unhappy, but after all everybody are human, if it doesn't get along then we will have to find a way out. Divorce may be one of the way, you will still need to think and plan in order to minimize dispute and further unhappiness.

I have seen many example of husband running away, apparently divorce only happen many many many years later. Apparently if that is to happened, the fault is always on you.

Take Care.

korean

06-12-2015, 10:46 AM

TS, your really hate her so much. In the first case why marry her then. I guess this is so call love is blind, then after marriage the actual self shows up.

I belief you shouldn't say "Her family I hack care" apparently you are very unhappy, but after all everybody are human, if it doesn't get along then we will have to find a way out. Divorce may be one of the way, you will still need to think and plan in order to minimize dispute and further unhappiness.

I have seen many example of husband running away, apparently divorce only happen many many many years later. Apparently if that is to happened, the fault is always on you.

Take Care.

I guess I may have mentioned a year back in this thread, probably u couldn't remember but it is oKay. I never love her ever. Called me stupid, soft, nice guy wannabe, I always surrendered by her suicide theathen whenever I wanna separated or divorced in the past. Not anymore from now onwards, but I will try to reduce the probability, that is the best I can do. Actually I don't really care it is my fault or not. More importantly is can divorced and she can start her new life.

korean

06-12-2015, 10:51 AM

damong777

06-12-2015, 03:02 PM

I guess I may have mentioned a year back in this thread, probably u couldn't remember but it is oKay. I never love her ever. Called me stupid, soft, nice guy wannabe, I always surrendered by her suicide theathen whenever I wanna separated or divorced in the past. Not anymore from now onwards, but I will try to reduce the probability, that is the best I can do. Actually I don't really care it is my fault or not. More importantly is can divorced and she can start her new life.

anyway ur family will come to. time is needed. my family also cannot accept in the first few months, later they came to realize how unhappy or emtional i was, they ended up giving me a lot of support...

also lucky to have 2 or 3 good friends who were there to lend me your eyes.

mostly impt thing bro dun get caught in adultery...u going to lose a lot of $$$ or do what i did. start transferring assets slowly to my mum or dad.

korean

06-12-2015, 04:10 PM

anyway ur family will come to. time is needed. my family also cannot accept in the first few months, later they came to realize how unhappy or emtional i was, they ended up giving me a lot of support...

also lucky to have 2 or 3 good friends who were there to lend me your eyes.

mostly impt thing bro dun get caught in adultery...u going to lose a lot of $$$ or do what i did. start transferring assets slowly to my mum or dad.

bro looks like u can understand my difficulty. yes will try not to get caught, not bcoz afraid of losing $$$ but afraid to get her emotion. I'm willing to give her the hdb and borrow money for the sake of divorce peacefully, I dont mind to go bankrupt even tbh.

damong777

06-12-2015, 08:02 PM

bro looks like u can understand my difficulty. yes will try not to get caught, not bcoz afraid of losing $$$ but afraid to get her emotion. I'm willing to give her the hdb and borrow money for the sake of divorce peacefully, I dont mind to go bankrupt even tbh.

Bankrupt cannot lend money from hdb or bank.

Advice is check on yr finance in the meantime. Check on your hdb loan.

Giving her hdb does not solve issue. Reason is that

-house must over 5 yrs of occupancy
- she must be over 35 to own
- even if u give up your share, she still to settle hdb outstanding loan

Do your homework before hand. Most impt is a good d lawyer save a lot of money.

If can mutual agreement for d and settlement best for pocket

korean

06-12-2015, 08:11 PM

Bankrupt cannot lend money from hdb or bank.

Advice is check on yr finance in the meantime. Check on your hdb loan.

Giving her hdb does not solve issue. Reason is that

-house must over 5 yrs of occupancy
- she must be over 35 to own
- even if u give up your share, she still to settle hdb outstanding loan

Do your homework before hand. Most impt is a good d lawyer save a lot of money.

If can mutual agreement for d and settlement best for pocket

thx for tips. I mean loan from family. May consult u further when come into that stage. thx bro! :)

actually what I mean is I rather bankrupt forever than continue this marriage

a2014

07-12-2015, 07:23 AM

May I know for those runaway cases, where do they usually go?

I guess there were no specific place that they will go, usually to places that they can work and have a normal life. They just simply leave and live together. Apparently the wife will wait at home hoping that miracle will occurs. At the beginning still send some money home and later stage just no news.

After some 10 to 15 years, money used up and getting old liao, come back and ask to sell the house to get some money. Of course wife will say f..k it divorce then say.

Normally no happy ending, be it wife side or the man side. The only thing the man may feel happy initially is that they manage to live with someone they so call love but money and survival is still the obstacle. Willing to wait 15 years, unknown future. Some say YES and some say NO. Ask for divorce immediately may end up in big fight, after donkey years and all old liao, I guess perception changes. It all depends on yourself.

Again if involved party is a normal working lady and willing to live thick and thin with you, life may be different, if someone who is in WL or FL trade or having multiple lover before, you need to have a very big heart.

Take Care, act wisely.

damong777

07-12-2015, 12:09 PM

thx for tips. I mean loan from family. May consult u further when come into that stage. thx bro! :)

actually what I mean is I rather bankrupt forever than continue this marriage

np. when u really hit that stage, i recommend you my lawyer

korean

29-02-2016, 10:31 AM

anyway ur family will come to. time is needed. my family also cannot accept in the first few months, later they came to realize how unhappy or emtional i was, they ended up giving me a lot of support...

also lucky to have 2 or 3 good friends who were there to lend me your eyes.

mostly impt thing bro dun get caught in adultery...u going to lose a lot of $$$ or do what i did. start transferring assets slowly to my mum or dad.

Many things happened over the last 2 months. stressful and painful. One good news is my family fully supports my divorce case. But there are still many things to be done over the next few months, and I feel it will end up in ugly way. I will try my best.

bro damong777, when u r convenient can u pls recommend me ur lawyer to me? Many thx!

korean

29-02-2016, 10:41 AM

I guess there were no specific place that they will go, usually to places that they can work and have a normal life. They just simply leave and live together. Apparently the wife will wait at home hoping that miracle will occurs. At the beginning still send some money home and later stage just no news.

After some 10 to 15 years, money used up and getting old liao, come back and ask to sell the house to get some money. Of course wife will say f..k it divorce then say.

Normally no happy ending, be it wife side or the man side. The only thing the man may feel happy initially is that they manage to live with someone they so call love but money and survival is still the obstacle. Willing to wait 15 years, unknown future. Some say YES and some say NO. Ask for divorce immediately may end up in big fight, after donkey years and all old liao, I guess perception changes. It all depends on yourself.

Again if involved party is a normal working lady and willing to live thick and thin with you, life may be different, if someone who is in WL or FL trade or having multiple lover before, you need to have a very big heart.

Take Care, act wisely.

10 to 15 year....to me it is considered happy ending. 人生有多少个十年。