Choose who? A or B

[Jiajiabebe]

Hi brothers and sisters, this is my first post, so I'm gonna ask a serious question....:confused::confused::confused:

Background story:

A is a guy we met for one year plus, and he's attentive, sweet and stable for me. His mentality is much more mature than B's and also looking for someone to stable down with. Down sides are that he don't really trust me and is overly possessive. He always showered me with gifts and care... He's been wooing me since we met. My feelings for him is neutral but I feel loved by him.


B is a guy I knew for many years and been together with since poly days... He's not the sweetest bf ever and he is open, trusty and direct with me. Which also means we fight often cause of his straightforwardness and partly also due to many differences in our mindsets. He is still not ready to settle down at all. Over the years, he has taken me for granted and doesn't make any effort to treat me well anymore, and I'm considered his least priority presently. but I still love him a lot... We broken up recently due to fights...
(Many friends discourage me to choose B)




Now I have to make a firm decision ... Should I follow my heart or brain?

Should I patch back with B or accept A?



Who should I choose in the end? :confused:

[Johnbass]

Choose C?
:D

[alanmeng21]

ask yurself r u ready to settle down? in a relationship there r ups n dwns, do consider carefully

[Sanny]

Now I have to make a firm decision ... Should I follow my heart or brain?

Should I patch back with B or accept A?

Who should I choose in the end? :confused:

They're neither for you

A, main problems as below quoted

Down sides are that he don't really trust me and is overly possessive.

This will link to fights and upset both parties.

So is better you wait for the right ones to appear like johnbass ? :D

[Sanny]

Hi brothers and sisters, this is my first post, so I'm gonna ask a serious question....:confused::confused::confused:


You can open a same content over in Matters of the Heart section to get more response from other viewers. But your contents need to wait for approval by moderators within 48 hours or so.

Good luck.

[FunnyHippo]

So is better you wait for the right ones to appear like johnbass ? :D

Right One my backside lah.
This pukimak is The Farked One.

:D

[Johnbass]

Right One my backside lah.
This pukimak is The Farked One.

:D

U ok a not?
U got jiak medicine?
See u everyday PMS one.
Don't say I bully you hor...

:D

[big321big]

Think 10-50 years down the road and you have your answer.

[FunnyHippo]

U ok a not?
U got jiak medicine?
See u everyday PMS one.
Don't say I bully you hor...

:D

U need someone to talk to is it?
Lai, I entertain u... When I have time hor.
For now u can carry on talking to yourself or... Suck thumb.

:D

[Jiajiabebe]

Need real advice guys?.... :(

[SkyCarpenter]

TS the real question you have to ask yourself is which guy u love more ? Or which guy love you more than the other guy?

[PPGirl]

Background story:

A is a guy we met for one year plus, and he's attentive, sweet and stable for me. His mentality is much more mature than B's and also looking for someone to stable down with. Down sides are that he don't really trust me and is overly possessive. He always showered me with gifts and care... He's been wooing me since we met. My feelings for him is neutral but I feel loved by him.


B is a guy I knew for many years and been together with since poly days... He's not the sweetest bf ever and he is open, trusty and direct with me. Which also means we fight often cause of his straightforwardness and partly also due to many differences in our mindsets. He is still not ready to settle down at all. Over the years, he has taken me for granted and doesn't make any effort to treat me well anymore, and I'm considered his least priority presently. but I still love him a lot... We broken up recently due to fights...
(Many friends discourage me to choose B)


Pple here can only give u advices but its all up to u who would u want to be with. Follow ur heart who do u love most n whom love u d most?
Some qns u might want to consider:
1) do u wish to settle down now ? If yes, i think u have d answer.
2) are u willing to accept someone for all ur life who is possessive n dun really trust u?
3) what makes Guy A dun trust u? Is there something that u hide from him b4?

I believe u still love Guy B more cos u knew him longer than Guy A. But since he treat u for granted n does not make any effort in the relationship. Do u think this love will blossom?

Each guy has their pros n cons. Difference in mindsets as each of u grew up in different family background n environment.
Choose wisely ;)

[autoroam]

TS

Before we start.... how old are you? early, mid or late 20s, early, mid or late 30s?

getting into relationship with A or getting back with B
if u are early/mid 20s then... why not try a new relationship?
if things don't works out, u r still young

planning to get married to either A or B
if u are mid/late 30s then.... u want someone that treat u like shit or someone that treasure u

[justl00king]

Neither..

Guy A -not trusting n too possessive, may have issues in future.
Doesn't help that your feelings for him is just neutral.

Guy B -u love him but he doesn't appreciate n takes u for granted.
Unless he changes his mindset towards u, dun see u being happy in the long term.

If it was me, I wouldn't just "settle" for someone, just for the sake of settling down.
You only get one shot at this, so do use it wisely ;)

Good luck! :)

[Big Sexy]

why dont start by asking yourself what is it that you really want and what you can offer in return.


Who should I choose in the end? :confused:

[Summerhillt]

Haha , you already know whos the guy for you already right ? Even if you choose A .. later B come and sai nai you .. you sure go back to B

Cause your heart is with B !!

[Yakuza]

Now I have to make a firm decision ... Should I follow my heart or brain?

Should I patch back with B or accept A?

Who should I choose in the end? :confused:

TS .. u may wanna refer to d below link and spend some worthwhile time b4 making a big leap tat u don't want to regret for d rest of ur life..

Use the guide wisely (thinking head) and X-refer to ur bf A&B (ur Heart) .. tats where u shd follow .. useful for ur future bf C .. if any .. at least u won't be too far off ur intended life long soul mate .. cheersss:)


Hoping for Mr or Miss rite to appear?? .. I hv learnt to respect the "Heaven's will" of the fated matching / compatibility of a life-long Soul Mate from the 12 zodiac birth signs, be it chinese, english astrology or both combine. Just the main basic will do, without dwelling further in-depth. You'll be surprised whether ur Ex or future mate were meant for each other or doom from the start. Some may argue the reliability and its authenticity. Well, I had mine read when I was 17 .. nvr believe in it ... 30+ yrs later .. looking bk .. I was amazed .. not 100% but at least 90% true. Coincident?? ... I leave it to anyone's guess.

Like the saying goes .. Men fall in loves thru their eyes, while women thru their ears... feelings? .. chemistry ..? the X-Factor ..? guess most, but not all, are just temporary charm, fascination or attraction type of love feelings call infatuation thru ur Heart .. sad to say .. is nvr easy to tell which are true and which are not .. sometimes U hv to let ur thinking brain to rationise and rules ur heart once awhile rather than losing control to KC or 感情 .. as commonly used by samsters here..

Take Care and Wish U all the Best ..

Are U compatible wif ur partner b4 making ur once a lifetime major decision tat u won't regret ... or at least there will be mutual understanding in future if ever need to go separate ways??

Kekekeke .. finally found the birdie compatible pair ... :) congrats ..

Chinese Zodiac Compatibility (http://www.travelchinaguide.com/intro/social_customs/zodiac/compatibility.htm)

or

Zodiac Sign Compatibility (http://www.eastrolog.com/zodiac-sign-compatibility/)

Compatible Astrology (http://www.compatible-astrology.com/)

[fion.18]

TS .. u may wanna refer to d below link and spend some worthwhile time b4 making a big leap tat u don't want to regret for d rest of ur life..


I tot that 2 post is Japanese mafia write for fion exclusively de..

Hehehe

[Yakuza]

I tot that 2 post is Japanese mafia write for fion exclusively de..

Hehehe

Aiya .. ur case all good liow lor ... so happy for u .. and saw another going to be broken hearted .. so thot of borrowing from u to help aso .. so similar and relevant lehh ..

I can't control my tearing eyes everytime seeing broken hearted lover birds .. hehehe:p

But I must apologies for not requesting for permission b4 using ... so sorry .. sharing is caring ... :D

[lostlilvirg]

Dear TS,

To start off with, I'm a guy, so at least you know from what perspective I'm looking at.

I do not like your description of both guys, to be honest, but between the two, I would say that B strikes me as more of the worse choice.

Why do I say this?

Immature guys will NOT change overnight, or even overmonths. They tend to be self-centred and more concerned with what you might do for them. THe fact that you've been arguing so much and have already broken up should show you that. You know the saying "ma bu chi hui tou cao" (horse don't eat grass behind them) [edit, HAO ma bu chi hui tou cao]? Relationships without arguments = stagnant, but relationships FILLED with arguments = sign of severe incompatibility.


Person A however, even though according to you, he cares deeply about you, you don't care that much about him. This is a recipe for disaster, but speaking in a biased fashion for you, it won't be you who will suffer (unless he turns out to be some kind of stalker/freak of course). I do not think you should enter a relationship with someone whom you do not have feelings for. Inevitably you'll hurt him, and that is not good. "Leave them in no worse state than when you found them" is a good maxim.

I reckon you should take a step back, recover from your breakup with B, come to terms with what YOU want, then step back into the dating game after that.

My 2 cents'.

[fion.18]

Aiya .. ur case all good liow lor ... so happy for u .. and saw another going to be broken hearted .. so thot of borrowing from u to help aso .. so similar and relevant lehh ..

But I must apologies for not requesting for permission b4 using ... so sorry .. sharing is caring ... :D

Hehehe I tease u only laaaaa of cos can share. The comment so well written! :D

My case all good Liao meh? But Japanese mafia still must show concern once a while laaa.. Hehe ;)

[fion.18]

"ma bu chi hui tou cao" (horse don't eat grass behind them)

Dude, your mandarin is like mine. Give back to teacher liao.
Is, hao ma bu chi hui tou cao. The missing word is actually quite impt. Good horse Hahahaa no offense hor :D

But awesome piece of writing you have. Happy Thursday.
And me is a fan of your Melbourne story, write more! :D

[jj_jj]

If really die die must choose between the 2, pick the one whose negatives (as you have pointed out) you can live with, else start looking..

[lostlilvirg]

Dude, your mandarin is like mine. Give back to teacher liao.
Is, hao ma bu chi hui tou cao. The missing word is actually quite impt. Good horse Hahahaa no offense hor :D

But awesome piece of writing you have. Happy Thursday.
And me is a fan of your Melbourne story, write more! :D

lol fion

I got excuse! (playful defensive), I banana, dunno mandarin hahaha. I'll go scold the person who misuse the idiom in front of me :p DIdn't know got "hao" in front. Thanks :P

Hehe, so far no more story to write for you, unless it's my (pathetic) attempt to woo a girl atm, which isn't working out overly well. Happy advanced Friday to you, fion.18 ;)

paiseh TS, didn't mean to deviate.

[demonhunter]

Dear lady ,

You cant get wet seeing A

B cant get an erection seeing you .

whenever you are in doubts , choose me .

You wont regret it !

:cool:

[fion.18]

lol fion

I got excuse! (playful defensive), I banana, dunno mandarin hahaha. I'll go scold the person who misuse the idiom in front of me :p DIdn't know got "hao" in front. Thanks :P

Hehe, so far no more story to write for you, unless it's my (pathetic) attempt to woo a girl atm, which isn't working out overly well. Happy advanced Friday to you, fion.18



Wahahaha don't worry. At the very least ur Mandarin is better than the uncle who replied after you. The one who says TS won't regret :eek: hehehe

Let me know when u writing again okie! I'm looking forward to it ;)
Hope things work out for u & the lady you are wooooo-ing :)

[lostlilvirg]

hehehe okay.

cheers fion.18 :)

[demonhunter]

Wahahaha don't worry. At the very least ur Mandarin is better than the uncle who replied after you. The one who says TS won't regret :eek: hehehe

Let me know when u writing again okie! I'm looking forward to it
Hope things work out for u & the lady you are wooooo-ing :)

Siang ha ???? siang si uncle ???

:eek:

:confused:

[fion.18]

Siang ha ???? siang si uncle ???



:D:D:D

Not you then who?

Ps, you are like the best stress relief after a day at work cos u always make me laugh! Steady la uncle!

[demonhunter]

:D:D:D

Not you then who?

Ps, you are like the best stress relief after a day at work cos u always make me laugh! Steady la uncle!

KNN .... now I become stress reliever !

:(

[PPGirl]

Chinese Zodiac Compatibility (http://www.travelchinaguide.com/intro/social_customs/zodiac/compatibility.htm)

or

Zodiac Sign Compatibility (http://www.eastrolog.com/zodiac-sign-compatibility/)

Compatible Astrology (http://www.compatible-astrology.com/)
Nice read for 1st n 2nd link...
1st link..hmm me n him only 50% compatible lolz
2nd link is fairly compatible

[Yakuza]

I reckon you should take a step back, recover from your breakup with B, come to terms with what YOU want, then step back into the dating game after that.

My 2 cents'.

Well said .. like ur statement .. had d same mind thinking.. he he he :)
As I always said b4..like a bow and arrow .. need to pull back..aim..and release... b4 going forward .. don't rush into making a rash decision till u hv analyst the guide given .. will help u out..

[Yakuza]

Nice read for 1st n 2nd link...
1st link..hmm me n him only 50% compatible lolz
2nd link is fairly compatible

Lol... ppg .. is a fairly good guide .. to go further u need to combine the chinese and western plus the yin yang 60 year cycles .. u may discover even more although it says only 50% .. we don't want to go further than that ..'cos it entails the date & day/nite yin & yang hour of birth .. too chim liow .. lol:eek:

[Yakuza]

KNN .... now I become stress reliever !

:(

Admired your style .. very neat straight forward decision maker .. no nonsense ..short and sharp!! Cheersss :D

[fion.18]

KNN .... now I become stress reliever !

:(

My favorite kind! An honor okie hahahaaaa :D

[Jiajiabebe]

Thanks for the link, went in and saw that th compatibility of A and I is very good, while B (ex bf) and I scored the poorest :(

[Jiajiabebe]

Well said .. like ur statement .. had d same mind thinking.. he he he :)
As I always said b4..like a bow and arrow .. need to pull back..aim..and release... b4 going forward .. don't rush into making a rash decision till u hv analyst the guide given .. will help u out..
Actually I don't know if I should even recover from the breakup anot. In case I'm patching up with B , then I don't even think I need to get over him in the first place....

[Jiajiabebe]

I'm torn between choosing the one I love more (B)

or the one that love me more. (A)

[Advanced]

Choose me :p

Oh well.. for one i would say choose (A)

[Yakuza]

My case all good Liao meh? But Japanese mafia still must show concern once a while laaa.. Hehe ;)

Hehehehehehe..... no worries ..u hv no lack of care & concerns showering upon u dear .. from all parties n friends .. :D next songkhla we all shower u wif wet watery luv .. lol :p

[Yakuza]

Choose me :p

Oh well.. for one i would say choose (A)

(A) possessive boyfriend (https://www.google.com.sg/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1ASUT_enSG589SG590&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=possessive+boyfriend) will give u hell and ur whole life will be like in Jail .. its a no no no for me ..

(B) .. imagine u r in difficulties or in needs of .. and he just go about as if nothing happen and ignored u ..or he thinks there's nothing wrong .. he treats u as transparent .. its a big no no no ..

conclusion .. go get a better life ..not worth to waste ur life away just like tis .. u'll live to regret a miserable life down the drain..:(

[lostlilvirg]

TS, I don't see why you MUST choose between those two. Why not enjoy being single for a while?

In the spirit of fairness, Yakuza, some people can be possessive without the "jailing", not not very often, of course.

[oxeso]

Who should I choose in the end?

Personally, i'll choose neither.
Give C,D,E to Z a chance, explore ur options.
If none suits u, so be it. Not a "must-have" in life.
I rather be happily single than sadly married.
Gd luck nonetheless.:)

[fion.18]

Heya sweetheart

At this point, no one is forcing you to make a decision. You have all the time in the world to choose what is best for you. Any man who loves you will be able to respect the fact that you need time to consider the best option for yourself. And now when you can't make a decision on who to love, why not choose to love yourself.

Give urself a break, relax and let your heart decide. Stay away from both of them for a while, let yourself cool down and then u will be in a better state of mind to decide your next step. And besides, when you step into a rs with ur present state of mind, there won't be much u can offer ur partner. You prolly keep questioning if you made the right decision, after all the grass is always greener on the other side.

Someone told me this before sometime back when I had issues of my own. I think it's really true so I wan you to know it too.

Make friends, taste the rain, smell the sunshine and live again :)

Xx

[Johnbass]

Choose C?
:D

After 3 pages, conclusion is still same as above right?
Duh...
:D

[simple2kee]

Who should I choose in the end? :confused:

you need not be confused. choose none of them but me. :p

[BiRd13]

Like what others mentioned, choose 'C'.

A is good, but too bad you have no feel for him.
B is bad, yet you have feel for him.

It's like one of the member's thread 'To Love or to be Love'.

You have to think over it, and choose what you want.

[Triple70]

..... A is a guy we met for one year plus, and he's attentive, sweet and stable for me. His mentality is much more mature than B's and also looking for someone to stable down with. Down sides are that he don't really trust me and is overly possessive. He always showered me with gifts and care... He's been wooing me since we met. My feelings for him is neutral but I feel loved by him.



Firstly, I tink u shd not rush into a relationship. There are many others out there for u to consider. Take your time to meet others and walk the jiang hu.

Secondly, I just want to share my thots about A, because I have been in his shoes. He is chasing a lady who has feelings for another guy. He has a uphill battle, and thus will appear to be constantly trying harder and appear to be more possessive and insecure. But the moment u show yr appreciation towards his actions, show that he has won the fight, all these insecurities will disappear. U say he is more mature than B, perhaps his actions are also that of a stable person, who maturity that maybe even u can appreciate one day.

It really depends on what u want in life. Some ppl want a partying night life. Then even Lim Siong Guan won't appeal to you.

[Jiajiabebe]

Secondly, I just want to share my thots about A, because I have been in his shoes. He is chasing a lady who has feelings for another guy. He has a uphill battle, and thus will appear to be constantly trying harder and appear to be more possessive and insecure. But the moment u show yr appreciation towards his actions, show that he has won the fight, all these insecurities will disappear. U say he is more mature than B, perhaps his actions are also that of a stable person, who maturity that maybe even u can appreciate one day.
.

Thanks for yr advice... Indeed I can tell A love and cares about me a lot, and maybe he's insecure thats why he choose to appear stronger in front, but somehow.. The feeling is still lacking something. B cannot give me anything at all yet the feelings are still as strong as ever. The only thing B is good at is making me laugh all the time whenever I'm with him. Cause we got that special connection within us and always get the inside jokes others don't.



Being with B is laughters, as long as he's happy I'm happy. :p

Being with A is being doted, he tries his best to make me happy. :o

[Advanced]

(A) possessive boyfriend (https://www.google.com.sg/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1ASUT_enSG589SG590&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=possessive+boyfriend) will give u hell and ur whole life will be like in Jail .. its a no no no for me ..

(B) .. imagine u r in difficulties or in needs of .. and he just go about as if nothing happen and ignored u ..or he thinks there's nothing wrong .. he treats u as transparent .. its a big no no no ..

conclusion .. go get a better life ..not worth to waste ur life away just like tis .. u'll live to regret a miserable life down the drain..:(

not really leh.. i got a friend so possessive, i go drink with my sisters, he also want follow; then when we drink until so many he always make noise. Then my sister always give in, go home together with him.

But still their happily married now. :p Maybe thats 1 outta 100 kind

Thanks for yr advice... Indeed I can tell A love and cares about me a lot, and maybe he's insecure thats why he choose to appear stronger in front, but somehow.. The feeling is still lacking something. B cannot give me anything at all yet the feelings are still as strong as ever. The only thing B is good at is making me laugh all the time whenever I'm with him. Cause we got that special connection within us and always get the inside jokes others don't.



Being with B is laughters, as long as he's happy I'm happy. :p

Being with A is being doted, he tries his best to make me happy. :o

but you gotta think what if you marry B and he still go fling around; you can take it anot.
like what TV says, sometimes its better to be loved then to love

[chanster]

Choose C , a butch that shower you with all the love you want and understand you most

[Yakuza]

not really leh.. i got a friend so possessive, i go drink with my sisters, he also want follow; then when we drink until so many he always make noise. Then my sister always give in, go home together with him.

But still their happily married now. :p Maybe thats 1 outta 100 kind

Bro, I think u got mixed up .. tat's care & concern .. U wanna know wat possessive is all about ?? .. u'll either run far far or become a free live slave .. :D

TS, Choose and love youself first .. there's no rushing into getting eff ...if u know wat I mean.. just like so many samsters here hv said and advised .. go for C - Z and enjoy life ...cheersss :)

[seabass]

TS is likely a guy

And an attention seeker

And a clone

[Jiajiabebe]

Choose C , a butch that shower you with all the love you want and understand you most

Are you that butch? :rolleyes:

[fion.18]

Bro, I think u got mixed up .. tat's care & concern .. U wanna know wat possessive is all about ?? .. u'll either run far far or become a free live slave .. :D

TS, Choose and love youself first .. there's no rushing into getting eff ...if u know wat I mean.. just like so many samsters here hv said and advised .. go for C - Z and enjoy life ...cheersss :)

I've seen scary possessive man. Is scaryyyyyy shit.

I like leh! C-Z! So many options. ;) but yes, most impt is love yourself first. That's the greatest love of all.

[SoulRift]

Hi sis,

My elders always told me this simple line.
Rather you find someone who loves you then someone you love.
Theone who loves you who can give you the simple needs of love,care and trust.
Instead of being with the one you love that makes you have nothing but anger,zero tolerance and abuse.
I been in relationships with women who treated me like a king but i didnt love them but got married to the one i loved who abused me beyond my wildest dreams.
And my life is much in turmoil.
And my regrets are forever:(

[firejalan]

Pick C ....
Don't b so qian...
n Choose to b abused...

[porscheclub]

Miss, why are you asking strangers to help you choose your happiness?

First of all this is obviously not a marriage relationship but starting out so if none rocks your heart & rule your mind then walk away from both. But if you want the experience then go ahead with one who loves you more to get that princess treatment but living like a slave is another situation so manage him on the latter.

Everyone hopes for an earthshaking love story but reality is not such. Being a female, please don't ever ever get unwanted pregnancy or your future will be ruined. Good luck & have fun dating :)

[lorddrakez]

Anyhow choose can already. If you really love him, you won't have this dilemma

[a2014]

Should I patch back with B or accept A?

Who should I choose in the end? :confused:
Choose nobody. Since both of them is not exactly what you want.

In fact it is you that is not ready.

Take Care.

[Bucky Barnes]

choose A is the logical choice but whenit comes to love, logic flys out of the window

[flowerpot]

Its always nicer to be loved than loving someone.

Remember, 90% of the people did not marry the one they love most.
Most of the time, you marry the person you are with, at the time when its time for marriage.

I strongly suggest choice A.

He will give u a stable life, shower you with love and many good things.
Like I said, being loved is definitely better than loving someone.

If you ever choose him, you must never regret this decision you make today, because the grass is always greener on the other side. But, when you go to the other side, it might not be that case.

[maxsee]

Don't settle for anything less....don't choose either of them unless you r desperate for marriage...choose someone whom u love n will love you back....someone who care for you just as you care for him...:D:D:D