help or advice needed

[sammygirlgirl]

Hi bros , I have been married for ten years, throughout this ten years we seldom have sex as my wife does nit like it and also partly she is very sensitive,touch abit n she keep laughing.

this ten years she seldom spend time with me,always with her mother n our daughter.me always last priority and when she makes decision, she does not ask or consult me.when her uncle aunyie need help she how busy also go down..but just no time for me.
if I do stuff she dun like will scold me and keep saying things to put me down..last year my cousin need help with his studies n ask her,she ask me to help instead and so I went,my cousin also have a lady classmate that needs help so I taught both of them,sevond and third time of teaching,cousin cant make it so I taught the girl alone and wife suggested divorce
which was eventually resolve after talking to church counsellor,shd agree to spend more time with me which after two months go back to old days...
recently her uncle son run into debt and ask to borrow 15k from her and she wanted to help,i quarrel with her and she say ok 5k onky,i found out a week later she borrowed 6k..when she works,she works until 11,12am sometimes even later,everywhere I wana go anywhere with her must bring her mum...she is a good daughter,mother just dun spent time with me..

I really cant take it anymore..i want a divorce,any advice?

[MatthewC]

why did you marry her in the first place... that will shed some light on the situation...

[ktghh11]

Bro I understand your suitation. She treat u like shit why she dont divorce with u or leave u?
Anyway life is short not happy just find a new life..me too I left now a happy man..

[Kobe83]

Bottom line is whether u love her?

[Johnbass]

If she doesn't spend time with u... Means you can spend time jiak outside and remain status quo?
Then no need divorce liao lor.

If divorced... Will you be happier?
Esp since child so big liao.

Good luck.
:cool:

[sammygirlgirl]

why did you marry her in the first place... that will shed some light on the situation...

Initially we dating for 4 years,also she initiatw break than patch until dun know how many times,maybe she my first gf so cannot bear to let her go.thats why keep patching when she say. After 4 yrars,her mother kana stroke so we need find a house and marry so that we can employ a maid to look after her.she also promise spend time with me..

[maxsee]

That is what happen when you sign on the dotted line...if you have not sign on the dotted line and just maintain a relationship. You would have been in control of the whole situation...:D:D:D

[sammygirlgirl]

That is what happen when you sign on the dotted line...if you have not sign on the dotted line and just maintain a relationship. You would have been in control of the whole situation...:D:D:D

Ya,never think so much,just think that she promise spend time with me,we dated 4 years getting married sld be ok..i am a simple guy that just want my wife to spend time with me..she is a good girl just that cant give me the attention I want from her

[~|@|~]

i would ask you to consider your daughter's future and not think about yourself only. there are other ways to seek happiness outside of this relationship without getting a divorce. just food for thought.

[Greendevil]

it is unfortunate that in your case, when u marry your wife, you also married the whole family. on a personal note, i will tell you to divorce since it seen like you are treated like a maid/slave than a husband. however, this is just based on information we have from the surface of your problem as no one know better than you.

moving onwards, we all know it hard to teach a old horse new trick needless to say in your case since you have been there, done it. So the question lays for you is this:

1. are you prepare to live the remaining 20-30 40 or eve 50 years of your life in this manner?

Yes? have a strong reason for it. dont do it because of first love cos it will accumulate more sad memory than good one if this is the only driving force. some ppl do it for kids, some put up because of money, some do it because they don want to upset their own parent and etc. what your reason? there is no wrong in any reason you choose. other can say all they want, but that may be the very reason you cherish most in life.

No? than moved on. Plan your divorce. but the path to divorce is a rocky path. there will be problem before it start, during the process and since there a Woman Act, no Man Act in SG, so there is also the aftermath. i have posted a few posts before on prep on divorce as well. you can check it out. dont wait till she has squeeze every single drop of goodness in you than you choose to go. if you choose to divorce, do it while there are still some positive light left in you

[Ken79]

TS bro, to see how much she really bothers about u just give her the same treatment, she wanna kick up a fuss go find counselor, complain to all her relatives/friends, threaten a divorce; ask her to go ahead...

one reason she treats u like trash is becos she knows u will always be there, in chinese saying its called 打不跑的狗 not implying otherwise but just an inappropriate example, this kinda of situation can happen to both genders.

until she start to realize that u started going out, staying out late, cant be so bothered with her and the realization of you having another woman outside, has a change of heart (u can go ahead and find FLs, flings or just meet frens) and maybe wants a divorce she will change her attitude towards u 180 degrees, if she dont then a real divorce should be it.

[sammygirlgirl]

TS bro, to see how much she really bothers about u just give her the same treatment, she wanna kick up a fuss go find counselor, complain to all her relatives/friends, threaten a divorce; ask her to go ahead...

one reason she treats u like trash is becos she knows u will always be there, in chinese saying its called 打不跑的狗 not implying otherwise but just an inappropriate example, this kinda of situation can happen to both genders.

until she start to realize that u started going out, staying out late, cant be so bothered with her and the realization of you having another woman outside, has a change of heart (u can go ahead and find FLs, flings or just meet frens) and maybe wants a divorce she will change her attitude towards u 180 degrees, if she dont then a real divorce should be it.

Bro,last year my cousin in ite and his classmAte approach her for help, she cant get a day that she can teach my cousin n his classmate.she ask me to teach,i didnt want to but she insist so I went.

First day was ok, second day and third day, my cousin last minute call me saying he cannot make it,since the girl was there I carry on teaching her. Third day she call me I think I didn't hear the phone ring so didn't answer.she was so angry when I went home ,quarreling with me that I sld have cancel the tuition when my cousin cant make it.i say its quite unreasonable to cancel when she is already there.on 4day of quarrel she initiate a divorce.she say she cant trust me and I m very dirty.i was very angry,i was teaching at mac donald a open public place amd she wss ghe one who ask me to teach.

She told our church marriage counseling and both if us are being counsel.she say she wana try one last time,promising to spend every fri sat and sun alone with me.i agree,after two months,things went back to normal...meaning she is her old self again...

[NRider]

Hi TS from what you have shared, looks like your next half didn't keep her words though ..

But like Samster @ whom wrote earlier, I quote "i would ask you to consider your daughter's future and not think about yourself only. there are other ways to seek happiness outside of this relationship without getting a divorce. just food for thought." to enjoy the best of both world ?

[steelhorn]

Bro, during your courtship period, u guys didn't engage any intercourse sessions at all? Only after marriage then u realized she's so 'unlike' to make love? Walau eh..if is true, I salute to both of you.

[sammygirlgirl]

We only did once,which result in my daughter..if it was just sex alone,i mught be able settle like maybe using the fly ..main problem is she dun spend time with me and dun discuss issues with me

[LeeHsienLoong]

Divorce should not be an option.
Your wife has nothing to lose. You will have too much to lose.
Think of the child as well.
:)

[ColdBlood99]

1st of all, how long can her mother still alive in this world? you and her still have another 20 years to go but her mother?

I would suggest you don't divorce, if somebody don't cherish their family how can she cherish her own family?


talk to her more and she will understand.

you want her to have more time with you because of lacking of sex?

[sammygirlgirl]

1st of all, how long can her mother still alive in this world? you and her still have another 20 years to go but her mother?

I would suggest you don't divorce, if somebody don't cherish their family how can she cherish her own family?


talk to her more and she will understand.

you want her to have more time with you because of lacking of sex?
assuming her mother is alivd another 15 years,i will be lonely for another 15 years and get mother is not the only reason, she is also busy with her uncle and auntie making not much time for me.

Not because of the sex, it's because want her attention , want her time. Not mostly facing the four walls,or going out with while family everytime.i want personal time with her

[maxsee]

You must have gotten married when you are quite young eh I supposed....

[sammygirlgirl]

You must have gotten married when you are quite young eh I supposed....

Yup,at age 24..24 not really young to married right?

[maxsee]

Actually getting married at age 24 is really very young.....Usually you would not really know the type of life path suitable for you until you reach mid 30s to late 30s after you seen the world more clearly...:D:D:D

[sammygirlgirl]

Actually getting married at age 24 is really very young.....Usually you would not really know the type of life path suitable for you until you reach mid 30s to late 30s after you seen the world more clearly...:D:D:D

Ya, maybe married too young, only thing i regreted was marrying a woman that did not put me as priority..otherwise she is good in all other aspects..

[CumExplorer]

Bro, during your courtship period, u guys didn't engage any intercourse sessions at all? Only after marriage then u realized she's so 'unlike' to make love? Walau eh..if is true, I salute to both of you.

bro return ups +14 cheers :D

[CumExplorer]

Ya, maybe married too young, only thing i regreted was marrying a woman that did not put me as priority..otherwise she is good in all other aspects..

from the post seems u r bro, not sis ? :rolleyes:

[sammygirlgirl]

from the post seems u r bro, not sis ? :rolleyes:

yup,bro not sis..wanted to use sammyboyboy but forgotten the password after creating so no choice now use sammygirlgirl...

[demonhunter]

Initially we dating for 4 years,also she initiatw break than patch until dun know how many times,maybe she my first gf so cannot bear to let her go.thats why keep patching when she say. After 4 yrars,her mother kana stroke so we need find a house and marry so that we can employ a maid to look after her.she also promise spend time with me..

At 24 yrs of age , marrying is definitely too early . She gave you the on and off relationship and suddenly wanna get married ... very obvious shes making use of you to get a HDB .

From your stories , I can tell there's no love at all . You are there at her convenience . You are there to make the family look complete .

If she can easily mention divorce after a quarrel , it already shows how much u meant to her . I would advise u to divorce her . Don't worry about your daughter , she has the whole kampong to take care of her .Tech is so advance now , she can video call you and all the jazz everyday . See her every weekend .
You will have to pay alimony but after all ,its for your own daughter .
even you don't divorce , u still have to spend money on her .

Sell the house split the profits . Buy a smaller unit and make it a bachelor PAD .Get a nice ride . Bring girls home and enjoy the banging that u were deprived of .

After divorce , get back to the dating game . I believe you are in your mid thirties . Date younger girls .Avoid the 30's n above cos they tend to be more clingy as their biological clock is ticking away .... the 26-28 is perfect .You might wanna try even younger girls but beware ... when I was 37 , I had a 21 yr old chick , she asked me to go Universal Studios with her to sit roller coaster :eek: :eek: :eek: and the sex was so so only .. no experience...

So dump them 3 months after your first bang . You just got out so enjoy the freedom .
Bang a variety of chicks so you will know what type of chick suit u .

ps: Dont get married again .

:D

[steelhorn]

bro return ups +14 cheers :D

Bro, thanks for returning favor.
Hv a great week ahead.

[steelhorn]

Ya, maybe married too young, only thing i regreted was marrying a woman that did not put me as priority..otherwise she is good in all other aspects..

Bro, u definitely married at a 'tender' age I should say. In my opinion, I don't think both of your minds is matured enough during then to know exactly what marriage and bringing descendant into your live is all about.
What's done cannot be undone.
生米都煮成熟饭，some more still got side dish to go along. I suggest u hv a good talk with her to clear any misunderstanding and improve communication pattern between the two of you.
Set your priority right and there's nothing cannot be settled amicably.
As the saying goes..when two elephants fight, the ground suffer.
Cheers.

[sammygirlgirl]

At 24 yrs of age , marrying is definitely too early . She gave you the on and off relationship and suddenly wanna get married ... very obvious shes making use of you to get a HDB .

From your stories , I can tell there's no love at all . You are there at her convenience . You are there to make the family look complete .

If she can easily mention divorce after a quarrel , it already shows how much u meant to her . I would advise u to divorce her . Don't worry about your daughter , she has the whole kampong to take care of her .Tech is so advance now , she can video call you and all the jazz everyday . See her every weekend .
You will have to pay alimony but after all ,its for your own daughter .
even you don't divorce , u still have to spend money on her .

Sell the house split the profits . Buy a smaller unit and make it a bachelor PAD .Get a nice ride . Bring girls home and enjoy the banging that u were deprived of .

After divorce , get back to the dating game . I believe you are in your mid thirties . Date younger girls .Avoid the 30's n above cos they tend to be more clingy as their biological clock is ticking away .... the 26-28 is perfect .You might wanna try even younger girls but beware ... when I was 37 , I had a 21 yr old chick , she asked me to go Universal Studios with her to sit roller coaster :eek: :eek: :eek: and the sex was so so only .. no experience...

So dump them 3 months after your first bang . You just got out so enjoy the freedom .
Bang a variety of chicks so you will know what type of chick suit u .

ps: Dont get married again .

:D
After selling the house,cannot buy straight away,have to wait five years I think.where can I stay?expensive to rent a house,can still get back to dating meh? I am 30+ and buibui,dun know talk much..got girls like my type?

[Greendevil]

Bro i think getting back into the dating scene is a problem you want to worry at much later stage. i suggest you to cross the bridge then worry what beyond it. as for housing, check with property agent, usually they can give good advice. in your case you may be eligible to buy 2nd hand flat else live with parent. when there a will there a away. anyway you not even started the divorce process so don worries all this first. even she agreeable to sign, will at least take 6 month to finish the process. then you got another 3 months to sell your property, by then it next year thing liao lor.

[sentence]

Since there is still no 3rd party involved, I think both of you should go to seek for a few sessions of effective counseling. However, both parties must be truthful to each's expectations. Unless there can be no further compromise, then a divorce (as a last resort) would be justified.

[viossport199]

just ask urself how much u still love her.. from there u will get the answer :)

[CumExplorer]

yup,bro not sis..wanted to use sammyboyboy but forgotten the password after creating so no choice now use sammygirlgirl...

thanks bro sammygirl :D up u cheers and enjoy :D

[porscheclub]

After selling the house,cannot buy straight away,have to wait five years I think.where can I stay?expensive to rent a house,can still get back to dating meh? I am 30+ and buibui,dun know talk much..got girls like my type?

The problem here starts with you.

You have a low self esteem & pessimist. I think your life needs an overhaul in the first place. Could your bui body be a turn off for her? Is your weak character too soft for her? Women are attracted to stronger males just like bees to honey. For all you know, she may have regretted marrying you due to shotgun as well. A lot of times we hear about husbands complaining but first, please look at yourself in the mirror.

Do you have annual IPPT? If not, bite the bullet & hit the gym then learn grooming from pros.

You have been an old bird here as well so don't know how's your history.

Anyway. I would recommend:
#1 Go for counselling & save your marriage. Non Christian perhaps
#2 Man up yourself
#3 Ponder for your daughter. You have easily 30yrs ahead of you, would you want a loveless marriage & be a henpecked husband for the rest of your life? I won't. So, if the counselling doesn't work & both of you won't try to save the marriage then split but plan for your gal & give her time as parents.

Go find a happier life for yourself. However, if you are not a person who can live alone & be strong. Then suck thumb & carry on paying for sex.

Oh yes. Age is never a problem for men. Hugh Hefner has a bunch of girlfriends at 80+ & HK actor Hsieh Xian beds gals younger than his daughters.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Ya, maybe married too young, only thing i regreted was marrying a woman that did not put me as priority..otherwise she is good in all other aspects..

Hv u read wat u wrote? Wats there to regret? Did anyone put a gun on ur head & forced u to marry her? No rite? U mean u didnt even try to understand her better before u married her? How long u 2 partor? Shot gun? Then self inflicted lor

U seem to be very busy looking outwards to ur issues. U shud try looking inwards. I see a very inferior complex individual tat is very clingy & women hate this. So wat if ur bui bui or watever. If u urself already hv doubts on urself, who on earth do u think u make contact wif wont hv doubts on u too?

Wat we project, people will receive. We project insecurity, indecisiveness, lack of confidence, fear......all can be seen n felt not just by women, even men.

Sometimes it pays to really understand oneself. Learn about urself, ur actions, the way u speak etc, u will be surprised to see the number of flaws u may be projecting. N pls dun delude urself by saying, I'm ok leh & all tat BS. Read my siggy!
Then ask urself again, if i meet a gal like tat, will i sian her or siam her? The door swings both ways dude!