Dating older women

[tabio99]

Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..

[mutantchicken]

Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..

u like eating stale food?

[sibeherxin]

u like eating stale food?

OMG 😲😱, such a taboo 😷

[NRider]

In my opinion if the age gap is not that great, TS in your case both of you are in the 30s with 4 years gap, should be able to work out something. However, in BGR this kind of thingy is hard to say.

There are some threads quite identical in nature here in the forum you may want to search and explore some of useful replies from fellow Samsters..

Well i have my fair share though, not complaining - TS All the best !!;)

[PPGirl]

Ts.. 2 simple question.
1) do u love her ?
If yes, does age matters?
2) Do both of u feel d same for each other?

[hamsapkwai]

u like eating stale food?

hey guys dont cast aspersions on older or rather more matured women. u dont know what you dont know ok :rolleyes:

[tabio99]

In my opinion if the age gap is not that great, TS in your case both of you are in the 30s with 4 years gap, should be able to work out something. However, in BGR this kind of thingy is hard to say.

There are some threads quite identical in nature here in the forum you may want to search and explore some of useful replies from fellow Samsters..

Well i have my fair share though, not complaining - TS All the best !!;)

thank you for your reply.
will do a search as you suggested!

[real_king]

last time limpeh eh wife also 3years older.

Makes no diff on the gap. Age is just a number.

[silverstrike]

As long as the both of you have chemistry who cares right ?

[wayne23416]

I've dated a few older women who are single and a few who r older but divorced..when i was 25, i dated a lady who was..34..she was very obliging to alot of things..jus wanna get hitched..some ladies jus wanna be "taken off the shelf" while some are put back (divorced..pardon me)..most of the divorced ladies with kids i find dont mind looks but they jus want someone who can love them and their kids..but of course financially stability counts too...

The norm of dating a lady who is younger i find only applies when u r in your teenage or mid to late 20's cuz there are tons of single younger women out there looking for a good looking, financially relatively stable guy who drives..dont u guys think that choice thins out somewhere around mid 20's?

[tabio99]

thanks for your opinions guys!
just to add on, she is more successful in her career than me, so in a sense, she doesn't need a man to provide for her (and her child). I earn way less than her, and my career path doesn't look bright either.
This is also one reason holding me back as I would think woman (especially older woman) prefer their man to have a good career (outlook at least) and to be earning at least on par with them.
I'm just a normal uni grad with decent pay in a normal job. However, I do investments and earn an extra low 4-digit sum per month, so it supplements my pay, although thats not my point..

once again, thanks to all opinions.

[LeeHsienLoong]

This is the reason I always tell the younger generation to study well and build a successful career path before dating a woman.
However, many choose to ignore and listen to their 'little head' and pay the price in the future.
:cool:

[wayne23416]

Bro...that what U would THINK..unless u r in a relationship with a hooker or a leech or someone abusive, u dont really need to think..if she like U for U..jus go for it..ladies, like men are one in a million..we have different looks, careers, edu background and characters...if u check all her boxes..jus go..dont wait..dont think..the boat may not be there all the time..

[real_king]

as long as you are nt a bummer in life. it shld prob work.

i simply bo tak chek. and i m jus a hawker.

u still got your uni grad.. way better than me.

[arsenal_84]

I'm just a normal uni grad with decent pay in a normal job. However, I do investments and earn an extra low 4-digit sum per month, so it supplements my pay, although thats not my point..


i think you're doing decent enough...not everyone is born with a silver spoon or have powerful connections or even given equal opportunities in life.
least you can do with your money is not let it earn pathetic interest rates in the bank.

[Johnbass]

thanks for your opinions guys!
just to add on, she is more successful in her career than me, so in a sense, she doesn't need a man to provide for her (and her child).


No matter how successful the woman is... The man should still step up to take the husband and father role.
Are you ready?

But of cos' you guys need to reach an agreement on how to manage the family finances to avoid issues later.
Her $$ is hers, Your $$ is yours, or share share?

:cool:

[tabio99]

very powerful statements made here by you guys.
i want to make it sure that i appreciate all comments, as they are words of wisdoms of bros here with life experiences.
thanks once again!

would be interesting to have a female samster point of view but i think there are very few around :p

[PPGirl]

would be interesting to have a female samster point of view but i think there are very few around :p
I have posted previously n i think u have skip or selective read some posts lol

[stillgottheblue]

You need to take into account whether you can accept other kid can accept you. Being a step father is not not easy.

[Androgynous]

age is not the key issue since its simply a number. consider the commitment involved since there is a child, which means you are dealing with 2 people in the longer term.

[surbana]

As long both of you is not any problem. However You must be prepare to take care of her child too.

[porscheclub]

You need to take into account whether you can accept other kid can accept you. Being a step father is not not easy.

+1

She's older & has a kid in tow = poor bargaining chip.

So, TS have you guys had sex yet? How does she see this relationship & how are you coming along with her family?

4yrs senior is not much but if you guys are thinking far & you want your own child then better to conceive again before 40. Now, both of you are matured beings so finance, housing, auto, lifestyle etc must be cordially discussed and agree to have a happy union.

Meanwhile, don't worry too much about income but do your best. Again speak to her about your concern as she should understand & accommodate. Also remember this, women age faster than men so please accept this fact when you're past 40.

FYI, I'm also a step father but my 2nd wife is 2yrs younger, we already have our kid & planning for a 3rd.

[tabio99]

Thanks for the comments here!
I agree that the child will be a key factor
- Whether she will be able to accept another person 'stealing' her mother from her. Children will be very sensitive to this..
- I'm not sure how to play the role of a stepfather (that's if we turn out fine, its very very early stages now)

And no, we didn't have sex yet. We just started (very new relationship). I started this thread to gather some opinions about dating older women as some bros here might be experienced.
And we are both expecting EVERYONE to look at us strangely (not that we care about other people). Younger men/Older woman with kid. I think both sets of parents won't be too happy. We haven't told any of them yet. Was thinking of stabilizing the relationship for a period before telling them. Although we are adults, but as Asians we still take regard of our family members feelings and hope they can accept.
Thanks everyone!

[Triple70]

Thanks for the comments here!
I agree that the child will be a key factor
- Whether she will be able to accept another person 'stealing' her mother from her. Children will be very sensitive to this..
- I'm not sure how to play the role of a stepfather (that's if we turn out fine, its very very early stages now)

And no, we didn't have sex yet. We just started (very new relationship). I started this thread to gather some opinions about dating older women as some bros here might be experienced.
And we are both expecting EVERYONE to look at us strangely (not that we care about other people). Younger men/Older woman with kid. I think both sets of parents won't be too happy. We haven't told any of them yet. Was thinking of stabilizing the relationship for a period before telling them. Although we are adults, but as Asians we still take regard of our family members feelings and hope they can accept.
Thanks everyone!

Age gap is not an issue. Compatibility is most important. Same type of graduate frens, family life etc. Just don't be like a long sleeved shirt guy hanging out with someone who looks like a KTV hostess.

Being a step parent is not difficult. Just have to be aware of the boundaries that u are the step parent. Let the kid grow to like u, not insist. Create opportunities to bond regularly.

Avoid the parents issue. Both of u are dating, not the parents. To allow either party parents to influence the courtship.. is disasterous. Both of u shd be very sensitive to this issue. But I guess both of u coming from previous marriages.. shd have some experience in this.

Discuss with your partner about the future, see if both have similar visions. Enjoy the courtship!

[tabio99]

thanks for the tips!

lastly, any suggestions for kid-friendly (4-5yr old) dates?
Zoo,marine park, museum, any more places?

Where do you guys bring your young children to where they, and you yourselves can enjoy the time?

:)

[ChinHo]

Hi TS

In my workplace, i have college whose wife is 5 years elder than him. But they have happy marriage. This example indicate that there are lady attracted to guys afew years younger.

Fyi pls

Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..

[Triple70]

thanks for the tips!

lastly, any suggestions for kid-friendly (4-5yr old) dates?
Zoo,marine park, museum, any more places?

Where do you guys bring your young children to where they, and you yourselves can enjoy the time?

:)

You should ask her what she wants to do, her dreams and aspirations, and slowly make plans for them to happen. Ask her what stuff she long to do but haven't done cos no guy ard etc. Show that u care about her needs and her peace of mind, ... that she and her kid, are the centre of your attention.

Remember.. life is about memorable experiences, so take tons of selfies at major outings with all 3.

For kids that age.. consider places, like Safra Jurong maze, Downtown East Kids Amaze, or even Superstar Virgo. Pasir Ris Park Playground, West Coast park playground. IMM/ Westgate playground... Zoo is more the waterplay area.

Go cycling with a child seat, or simply go pools with children play areas. Keep the outings short as kids tire out easily.

Make plans for holidays together. Don't worry about quiet time, kid will sleep early, so u will still have your private moments with her.

Ultimately, keep making fresh plans to keep the future looking promising.

[porscheclub]

What triple70 said.

4yrs gap is not much & she sounds like a well maintained lady. My relative's wife is 6yrs senior & they have 4 kids together.

Don't worry about in-laws at the moment till both of you are seriously in love & why should any parents mind since both of you are divorcees though your parents will want your natural kid.

Is her daughter under 5? Singapore has one of the best environment for children so you're spoilt for choices. We usually keep to indoors when they're under 3/4 due to our weather so it's always malls which we have plenty. You can google with her together for places that welcome kids & Turf city has a good corner. Otherwise most kids love the beaches & sand but not the waves so keep the swimming to shallow pools.

Visit the aquariums in Sentosa so prepare to get those family cards ;) Once her daughter likes you, you're 50% done with her!

Oh but you didn't mention. How about her ex?

[tabio99]

thank you so much for all the replies!
so many warm-hearted and useful replies here.. sbf not only a sex forum after all!

bro triple70: thanks for the suggestions for the play areas!

bro porscheclub: Her ex is still around as he is the father of their child, but i do not foresee any issues there, apart from the fact that it is difficult for the young child to understand why her mom is with another person and not her father. They do weekly meetups for a few hours. And the kid is turning 5 years old.
So the suggestions are good!

Keep the suggestions coming on how to build relationships (with both mom and/or daughter) if there are more, i will read every single word!

[JohnSmithSenior]

Thanks for the comments here!
I agree that the child will be a key factor
- Whether she will be able to accept another person 'stealing' her mother from her. Children will be very sensitive to this..
- I'm not sure how to play the role of a stepfather (that's if we turn out fine, its very very early stages now)

And no, we didn't have sex yet. We just started (very new relationship). I started this thread to gather some opinions about dating older women as some bros here might be experienced.
And we are both expecting EVERYONE to look at us strangely (not that we care about other people). Younger men/Older woman with kid.

Think the issue isn't so much the age as it is the kid. Are you sure that somewhere down the road, you are even open to the concept of raising another man's child? I am not too keen on this personally, but people do differ.

In our Asian society, a lot of people don't really believe in adoption. your parents may feel this way too.

[xoxo8777]

:)

if for a start, the few yrs in age differences of your 'potential' bother you.
Then you should not even bother to look further.

Coupled with the additional 'luggages' that come along with this package: a child. You might not be mentally ready to embrace all.

Start firstly to see how much of 'chemistry' or love elements between you
two ( since intimacy is still not reached).
Provided you can accept her age & her 'luggage'.

Good luck.

[H9000C]

i have started dating older ladies than my age when i was 18, all my girlfriends are 2-5 years older than me. i am currently married to my wonderful wife who is 5 years old than me =p

you must have a mindset and maturity that is beyond your age. given that your date has a child of her own, TS will need to have extra patience and also to accept that child into your life. most likely she is looking for someone that is dependable and mature, given that she is warming up to you might have an indication you are rubbing her the right way.

being together is based on fate and chemistry. all the best!

[H9000C]

:)

if for a start, the few yrs in age differences of your 'potential' bother you.
Then you should not even bother to look further.

Coupled with the additional 'luggages' that come along with this package: a child. You might not be mentally ready to embrace all.

Start firstly to see how much of 'chemistry' or love elements between you
two ( since intimacy is still not reached).
Provided you can accept her age & her 'luggage'.

Good luck.



i agree with the "luggage" thingy that come along , its a very delicate and sticky situation to be stuck into if you dont feel at ease in the first place.

[Canon246]

Tell you la young man....older women who say they dont like younger men is just another way of saying you are not handsome/tall/rich enough for her...

Women's words is always 口不对心 thats why top management always male....cos female rule by emotions.

[crazyivan6636]

Give it a try and remember if you do bang her brains out, either leave it outside or make sure you have the mornign after pill to prevent any nasties.

older women tend to be more fun and have a higher drive.

[discordpiggy]

omg! i hear many stories every now and then about friends in all sort of situations... :o most recent is this...

What about the woman (single) is 12 years older than the man?! and worst, the younger man has a kid of 3yo, trying to get a divorce and struggling with it lols! personally, i think this situation is even worst than TS. sorry offence, for posting here... :D

[KaniNababe]

Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..

Somebody mentioned here age is just a number. Well i do prefer older guy, not because of the big big number but i tend to associate age with wisdom. More grey hair = more wisdom :D

[soggypanties]

The biggest problem is not age difference. If you're looking for fun, then no problem. But if you intend to be serious, think hard.... you don't have a kid, she has. Can you bring yourself to care and love the child as your own (esp when he /she is calling another man daddy). Try facing that and asking yourself every single day. It gets worse if she's late 30s and chance of her wanting a child with you diminishes by the day.

You have a better chance of compromising with yourself if you have a child too. Otherwise, find a younger chick, she can marry you in a white gown and both of you can have your own kids.

[doubletap]

The biggest problem is not age difference. If you're looking for fun, then no problem. But if you intend to be serious, think hard.... you don't have a kid, she has. Can you bring yourself to care and love the child as your own (esp when he /she is calling another man daddy). Try facing that and asking yourself every single day. It gets worse if she's late 30s and chance of her wanting a child with you diminishes by the day.

You have a better chance of compromising with yourself if you have a child too. Otherwise, find a younger chick, she can marry you in a white gown and both of you can have your own kids.

I agree with u. TS seems to be digging into his own ..................... :confused:

[Blackenrose]

If you have doubts, don't start the relationship, if you want to start the relationship, don't doubt on it. ;) It is sometimes really tough to think so much...

[irbaboon]

Age is really just a number..... Besides 4 years is really not much.
But you need to know what she thinks about age difference. Some ppl have issues with it.

Anyway i have dated with women up to 9 years my senior though none ended up happy ending. I think the main concern would be age in terms of thinking and mindset instead of the age as in the numerical number.

[Castrol]

if you are a man who is a boy at heart, the older woman will fit in nicely.

[nomoregoodguy]

Personally I prefer dating older women. Younger ladies tend to be too emotionally unstable and require a lot of attention. Of course not all are like that but most are.

[naan1974]

If you are both serious about the relationship, there are far more critical things than the age. Like your values, your directions and plans.
What's the few years difference in a life time. 30 years from now,
it will be like ...you 're 65 and she's 69. Oh my, that's totally insignificant !

[SuperInterested]

If you are both serious about the relationship, there are far more critical things than the age. Like your values, your directions and plans.
What's the few years difference in a life time. 30 years from now,
it will be like ...you 're 65 and she's 69. Oh my, that's totally insignificant !

very well said bro

[Notary]

Hi guys,

I'm divorced (no kid) and am trying to restart my life, and am ready to try dating again. Recently got to know another lady, who is also divorced, and has a young kid. She is 4 years older than me, and we are both in our 30s.

Have you guys dated woman older than yourself? I have the perception that ladies wouldn't be attracted to guys several years younger than herself.
Would like to have some views from you guys! Ladies are welcomed to offer your opinions too..


Greetings Bro Tabio,


It's good to hear that you're restarting your life, it takes a lot of courage to face divorce and the potential shame that you might receive from your family, friends and society.

I think the most crucial question you got to ask yourself is, are you hastily trying to get into another committed relationship to fill a void in your heart or to prove to the whole world that you're stable again?

Apart from your partner being 4 years older than you, I'm sure you're very aware that you're into a "buy-one-get-one-free" scheme - her young kid will become your responsibility and the young kid's biological father might still be pretty much involved in the kid's life, maybe not now but it might be so in future.

Ultimately, who is to be the judge when it comes to the matters of the heart? I would say there is no age gap in love. Just be aware what you're in for and if shit hits the fan in future, just know that this was the decision you've made and no one is to be blamed, not even yourself.

Good luck bro.


With pleasure,
Notary

[jasmineltr]

I agree with Notary, you really have to think things through before getting into a serious relationship with this lady. There's a very real chance that this kid would grow up to not feel the same affection for you as her 'biological' dad regardless of how you take care of him/her. That's probably the main issue to discuss here when contemplating a relationship with this lady; not only your compatibility with her, but also the compatibility with her child.

Do take care of yourself TS and the best of luck.