Shoul I get out of this?

[Roshta]

My husband is not interested in me. He will always find excuse to say he's tired from work and won't even look at me. I have told him many times that I need sex and even though sometimes he is willing to accommodate me, I feel that he's not willingly and whenever we have sex, I feel that I'm forcing him on me with no love. He will get straight to the point and release his load fast till the point I'm wondering is he pretending so that he can end the session fast. The reason he provide is tired due to work load. Can a guy do without sex? I've started to have doubts and feel that he is having flings outside. He has many past records.

Recently I got connected to a lost male friend and he has invited me to work as his PA. I told my husband but he don't like the idea of me working and in order not to anger him, I stop contacting my male friend. I think his expectation towards me is to be a housewife taking care of kids and cook. I feel my life has become a everyday routine and waiting for him at home. When he comes home, there's no much communication and slowly I feel I'm neglected.

As fate twist, I met this male friend again. As I was with my kid, he signal me to give him a call. He SMS me saying that the post of PA is still open to me and I am the best person for this post since I am well liked by his dad and has the experience. Should I go out to work so that I will have my own circle of friends? I have nobody to talk to whenever I am sad or met problems with my husband. I don't want to rely too much on my husband. Should I go ahead and start my new working life so that I will not feel neglected? I miss my work life.

[Wintermelontea]

sis,

ever try counselling? before that, do you have siblings to talk to? how about someone in the extended family that can influence your husband? like an aunt or uncle or even his parents?

the good?

while it is true work stress or physical tiredness can bring a man's libido down, what i think you both can do to improve intimacy is to communicate more. do you both text each other often while you both are apart? gone are the days a loved one can only call to chat. simply leave him a message (from honest clean to bitchy ones), send him a selfie (sexy lingerie), voice him (sexy moans inclusive), you get my drift?


seduce him like you both were before.


the bad?

all things fail. go for marriage counselling.


as for your work, you need some convincing as in why you need to work if he can support you and the family. there's no right or wrong, just that some men may want their wives to be home-maker while they take the dough back home. (read mcp).

but given your reason being circle of friends, is the current condition stopping you from having friends? usually, home-makers are one of the better groups of people good at making and extending social circle. their network around the neighbourhood is also one of the best (source from my mom on our neighbours).

as for the male ex-colleague, you two have something on-going?

[Johnbass]

女人怕嫁错郎 (woman scared marry wrong man)
男人怕入错行 (man scared join wrong trade)

:cool:

[discordpiggy]

My husband is not interested in me. He will always find excuse to say he's tired from work and won't even look at me. I have told him many times that I need sex and even though sometimes he is willing to accommodate me, I feel that he's not willingly and whenever we have sex, I feel that I'm forcing him on me with no love. He will get straight to the point and release his load fast till the point I'm wondering is he pretending so that he can end the session fast. The reason he provide is tired due to work load. Can a guy do without sex? I've started to have doubts and feel that he is having flings outside. He has many past records.


I think you have answered your own suspicions. really sorry but I do not mean harm. however I think you know best.

Personally for me, when someone is tired, they will still tell you nicely and come up with alternative date or suggest something like another date/time/occasion, to pacify each other.

another thing is you already know he has many past records so not surprising he is "tired" from "working overtime" elsewhere with someone :eek:

Remember this, A woman's intuition is hardly wrong. I have seen many cases that the men claimed they did not commit fault or adultery but they did, and yet the women knew about it but kept quiet and suggested divorce based on irreconcilable differences but in actual fact, the women already knew the men were flinging all the while. I would say the women actually gave those men some face but yet they accused their wives of not loving them.

1st case is this guy married in 2001, he started going for prostitutes since 2002 and then wife request for divorce in 2013, he was seeing a fb another man's wife, for the whole year of 2013. but the wife had an affair only in 2013, so all these while the wife did not know he was screwing around since 2002 till 2013, until he filed divorced, he claimed he stop cos he begged his wife to reconcile. I honestly doubt it.

2nd case is this guy married in 2010 to a pinoy. but all along he screw internationally!!!! whenever he travels for work to USA, Japan, Korea, Taiwan, Phillippines, Thailand etc...where his company posted him to... then his wife has an affair with her boss... guess what, same shit, he puts the blame on his wife and files for divorce. however, the wife already knew something not right. in this case, there was no chance of reconcile. to date, this guy still look forward to screwing pinoys... cos this is his fav!

you want more cases, i have older ones... above 2 cases are most recent!

Keep busy and find a purpose and objective in life and you will be good. also stay positive always! Treat this as a blessing in disguise and enjoy life!

Best of luck TS! ;)

[sarahxx]

aww sis sorry to hear ur plight!

i'd say definitely u need to hv ur own circle of friends n ur own life! being married doesn't mean stopping ur own personal life u know. why make ur life revolve ard him, waiting on him etc etc n at the end of the day u feel so worthless and lost. marriage to me is abt accepting n integrating both of ur personal lives together n making compromises.if ur hubby doesn't allow u to do this doesnt allow u to do tht, n at the same time doesn't give u the respect tht u need - he's being v selfish.

on the other hand, ur hubby doesn't like the idea of u getting a job.. is it bcos he feels insecure abt this male friend of urs? is there a history btween u n this guy? if there is.. then i suggest u better be careful.. n think twice before taking up this job.

u said tht ur hubby's expectation of u is to be a housewife and look after the kids, if u were to start a new job which need full time commitment he is not going to be happy. hence r there other jobs tht u can look out for (probably part time) or a hobbies/interest groups tht u can join? -- so tht u can have a 'life' and not compromise fulfilling ur duties as a wife at the same time.

i can't really speak for the part abt whether guys can do w/o sex. i think other bros here will be able to comment better. i guess different men hv different sex drives.. high/ low. but since u said tht he has many past records then i think sex drive is not an issue. if he doesn't want to look at u n keeps finding excuses to not want to hv sex w u.. then i really think something is wrong :(

[Greendevil]

Hi TS, from the soound and title of this thread, it seen hat you are yearning more than just advice on starting a job.

Only two advices:

1. Dont mix career with sex. If you want to start work again, go ahead, but sex in offices always has complication especially with your direct superior. remember, 1 year later, he tired of you, just fired you and get a new gal who can do what you did. And you lost your only opportunity to upgrade yourself, skill and experience, and also giving him a good reason to fired you. Make yourself valueable and indispensible at work. By your capability and hardwork, not opening the leg.

2. Go with your heart. If you think it right, jsut do it. Dont worry abt making mistakes or regrets or worrying i should have done that. In life, we never know what to expect and we try to make the best of choice at that time with the given resources and information.

[demonhunter]

Hi TS, from the soound and title of this thread, it seen hat you are yearning more than just advice on starting a job.

Only two advices:

.
Advice boh plural one leh

Let Boss give u his classic "rice" example

whahahahahaaaaa ..... :D

[Ayakata]

sorry to say
leopard will nit change its spots :mad:
the things he do are obvious

but maybe you can still try to talk to him and ask him why

[Gaofar]

Hi TS,

Above me are all good advice for you to consider and digest. Here's some more from me:

. Your story have several issues which you seems wanted to mix them up to justify or rather gain support for getting a job:
- You mention of your husband's unwillingness to "perform" and seemingly not interested in you.
- You mention of your husband has voiced out that he is not happy of you looking for job outside again and wanted you to stay at home.
- You mention that you do not have any friends to talk to as well as not able to talk well to your husband also.
- You mention that you are lonely and wanted to go back to work.

. All points being valid and seems to link to one another, it is however not wise to bunch them together and to decide an action base as a whole situation. You are to segregate the problems and deal them individually to achieve the right action(s) to address your issues. Case in point as follows:

- You mention of your husband's unwillingness to "perform" and seemingly not interested in you.
When was the last time you guys went out for holidays, I mean just the 2 of you? Ever just 2 of you guys go for dinners, movies, shopping, or even a common hobby to share with each other? Dress sexy to kill at night when you want to be loved at night?

- You mention of your husband has voiced out that he is not happy of you looking for job outside again and wanted you to stay at home.
Ever ask him why he did not want you to work, or rather what are his concerns? This is about compromise between you two. Get a maid so you can work, else let you socialise more so you are not bored?

- You mention that you do not have any friends to talk to as well as not able to talk well to your husband also.
Clearly an issue in communication to each other. Counselling is an option to work things out but usually people always tends to think that to enter the stage of counselling is of "serious" problems then go for it. It may or may not be true nowadays as counselling does has its merits and able to speed the 2 of you to communicate better through a trained and structured program.

- You mention that you are lonely and wanted to go back to work.
Seriously? This is your life and your will. You are by all means to chose your path. Of course in a married life means to discuss everything under the sky with your significant other, but in this case.. You may have to make the call first..

Don't "stamp-chop" on your husband's forehead "infidelity" before you get all your facts in. Intuition or not, nobody's going to back you up once you made the leap, therefore do not wrongly accuse and end up regretting it.

Regards

[Roshta]

sis,

ever try counselling? before that, do you have siblings to talk to? how about someone in the extended family that can influence your husband? like an aunt or uncle or even his parents?

the good?

while it is true work stress or physical tiredness can bring a man's libido down, what i think you both can do to improve intimacy is to communicate more. do you both text each other often while you both are apart? gone are the days a loved one can only call to chat. simply leave him a message (from honest clean to bitchy ones), send him a selfie (sexy lingerie), voice him (sexy moans inclusive), you get my drift?


seduce him like you both were before.


the bad?

all things fail. go for marriage counselling.


as for your work, you need some convincing as in why you need to work if he can support you and the family. there's no right or wrong, just that some men may want their wives to be home-maker while they take the dough back home. (read mcp).

but given your reason being circle of friends, is the current condition stopping you from having friends? usually, home-makers are one of the better groups of people good at making and extending social circle. their network around the neighbourhood is also one of the best (source from my mom on our neighbours).

as for the male ex-colleague, you two have something on-going?


I have suggested counselling but to his reply is no time and work is always more important than anything else. Talking to family members is a no no since my hb has warned me before not to reveal anything about his sex life.

No point seducing him.. I don't think he will find me attractive.

My neighborhood are all aunties, I'm just early 30s how to mix with them :-(

I've stopped having my own circle of friends ever since I got married to him years ago. My life is surrounded with kids and him.

[Roshta]

Yes, we will go for holidays but even when we are overseas without kids, the sex activities we engaged will be once only throughout the whole trip. He simply not interested in me. I don't feel I'm old, unattractive. In fact, I sometimes do have stares from guys when I take the effort to dress up.

I am honest towards my hb in telling him that my male friend is interested in me and confessed his feelings since the last time we met up. I understand his concern and refused to take up the job. However, my friend knows I am already married with children and shown me the respect. I can feel his sincerity and his motive of me as his PA is just simply work and nothing else.

The problem is I do mind and suspect why my hb is uninterested in me. The feeling has long lost no matter how hard I tried to retrieve back. He just turned his back from me whenever I initiated till the point I gave up. No point asking since even if he make love to me, the feeling is like "faster finish and I need to sleep".

[HappyOwl]

Sis. Roshta, I have personally in close but normal relationship with a number of married women. They are normally in your age group. Some are in their 40s. Sad to say, most of them have exactly the same issues...



The problem is I do mind and suspect why my hb is uninterested in me. The feeling has long lost no matter how hard I tried to retrieve back. He just turned his back from me whenever I initiated till the point I gave up. No point asking since even if he make love to me, the feeling is like "faster finish and I need to sleep".

...as you as the above. I shall not go into details end of the day, what actually happened to them all. It does not relies on just one side of the party. It too, does not takes only a mature man to understand and to realize about what is not going right in a marriage.

Most importantly, I am also not gonna tell you what to do.

There could be so many possibilities in regards to the above quote:

1) He may be too stressed out from work

2) He may be too used to the routine in a family life. Things got out of control and things were being taken for granted completely

3) He may be KC-ed by working ladies

4) He may be KC-ed, seriously in love with colleague or any other woman who finds him attractive yet challenging because he wore an extra ring on his finger

5) There is no Love to begin with but rather, a traditional believe in the process of forming and building a family.

I am quite confident you somehow or rather, knew what is the underlying root of all these issues. As for the rest, is how honest and courageous you intend to be, to tackle the issues. :)

[HappyOwl]

I am honest towards my hb in telling him that my male friend is interested in me and confessed his feelings since the last time we met up. I understand his concern and refused to take up the job. However, my friend knows I am already married with children and shown me the respect. I can feel his sincerity and his motive of me as his PA is just simply work and nothing else.



This part is very very tricky. Please take extra notes on what I have got to say. Firstly, you already made known to your husband/ hubby/ dear/ darling or whatever you call it. You are just awaiting for the bomb to be ticked. Even though I feel it is perfectly healthy for you to work for your friend as he is mature and a gentleman based on the respect he has shown to you, as per what you have had written/ claimed. At least you are actively doing something that do not bored you down while, may get a healthy salary package. :)

Definitely, your other half is going to strike the detonator for the bomb to explode.

When things did not go right in your family, even just a very very minor issue...

1) He will claims it is because you go to work, that's why...

2) Endless arguments, misunderstandings and disagreements in anything you say or do, tons of accusations are coming too...

3) Harassment issues may arise that will put you in a bad light in the company, or causing you distress in focusing on your work. For example, non-stop calling or messages will flood you in no time and if you did not respond fast enough...

4) Children's results are also yours to bear...

5) Lesser of funding from him vs before since you are now a career woman in his point of view...

6) Etc...

The reason why I am sharing all these with you is to picture you ahead of what's to come so you could anticipate how you are going to carefully and thoughtfully handles/ manages them in a way to prevent the tensions from uprising at an uncontrollable speed/ pace.

I hope the necessary information helps. Feel free to disagree with me if you have to. Cheers. :)

[falcon]

Hey TS, sorry to hear about your situation, its never an easy feat to second guess your spouse's action in bedroom. He could be really tired or he could be really having a fling outside, who's to know? What i can tell you is that you are not alone in this, many of my friends are experiencing this after long years of marriage.

Right now what matters is for you to pick yourself up and dont bang your head against the wall on this topic always. I agree with other bro / sis here that you should expand your circle of friends and get out of the house for some get together or something. The easiest way is of course to start working and meet new colleagues.

Might not have to be that PA job, could be another office job that will not cause tension between you and hb since your hb knows about your male friend's feelings for you. I know I will be over-reacting if I am your hb and knowing that you are going to work as a PA to him. Right now you are not exactly feeling great about you and your hb situation. Imagine you working closely with a male friend who is successful / charming and has feelings for you, that may make things worst at home, unless you are ready to walk away when that happen? It doesn't matter if you are married or not, if you and your male friends are having mutual feelings and working in such close proximity and long hours, things will develop and may get out of hand in office....

Am not here to judge, just sharing many of my friends experiences in office. Hence i think if you want to step out and work, which i also recommend, i think you should work in a new environment meeting new people.

Lastly, we all only have 1 life, live happily in ways that you want.

[ChinHo]

Sis

Not sure of him. But for me i cannot do without sex. I am 40+ old. For past 20 over years i fire once or twice a week without fail.


The reason he provide is tired due to work load. Can a guy do without sex?

[Roshta]

Your points are valid exactly to what I am anticipating if I decided to work. The main point is my kids. I can't bear to leave them at home to my helper and neglecting their studies. I am really in dilemma. 1 side is my desire of widening my circle of work and friends and the other my family. If I can get hold of his flings outside, if any, that way I know my decision will be v straight forward.

This part is very very tricky. Please take extra notes on what I have got to say. Firstly, you already made known to your husband/ hubby/ dear/ darling or whatever you call it. You are just awaiting for the bomb to be ticked. Even though I feel it is perfectly healthy for you to work for your friend as he is mature and a gentleman based on the respect he has shown to you, as per what you have had written/ claimed. At least you are actively doing something that do not bored you down while, may get a healthy salary package. :)

Definitely, your other half is going to strike the detonator for the bomb to explode.

When things did not go right in your family, even just a very very minor issue...

1) He will claims it is because you go to work, that's why...

2) Endless arguments, misunderstandings and disagreements in anything you say or do, tons of accusations are coming too...

3) Harassment issues may arise that will put you in a bad light in the company, or causing you distress in focusing on your work. For example, non-stop calling or messages will flood you in no time and if you did not respond fast enough...

4) Children's results are also yours to bear...

5) Lesser of funding from him vs before since you are now a career woman in his point of view...

6) Etc...

The reason why I am sharing all these with you is to picture you ahead of what's to come so you could anticipate how you are going to carefully and thoughtfully handles/ manages them in a way to prevent the tensions from uprising at an uncontrollable speed/ pace.

I hope the necessary information helps. Feel free to disagree with me if you have to. Cheers. :)

[Roshta]

Am I wrong to think that my hb may be having flings? I mean with him not interested in me, what is the probability? Can a man has totally no interest in sex even though he is tired from work? No matter what there is still need especially is a man. Unlike us women who can really do without sex.

[Wintermelontea]

Look for a private investigator to assist you to get hold of the evidence.

[esssinine]

Am I wrong to think that my hb may be having flings? I mean with him not interested in me, what is the probability? Can a man has totally no interest in sex even though he is tired from work? No matter what there is still need especially is a man. Unlike us women who can really do without sex.

maybe can follow this woman`s example

http://news.asiaone.com/news/malaysia/caned-wife-refusing-sex

[conly]

Am I wrong to think that my hb may be having flings? I mean with him not interested in me, what is the probability? Can a man has totally no interest in sex even though he is tired from work? No matter what there is still need especially is a man. Unlike us women who can really do without sex.

My pov.. U have too much time on hand, hence u think too much. B4 u start thinking if chicken comes 1st or egg, go get a life, cultivate a hobby or try out some sports. Get a job, get connected, be it new or old friends. Be it married or single, u should have ur OWN life.

Gd luck,ts..

[BiRd13]

Sis,

How many kids do you have? And how old are they?

From my pov, probably your hubby is 'eating' outside. Seriously I'm a 'hubby' myself before. Even how tired I am after work, I will still want intimacy with my wife at times. Because I believe that intimacy is part of the marriage as well. So you may want to hire a PI to investigate or what.

As for job wise, not necessary to be a PA. I mean there are many job out there. If my partner said that she want to be a PA for some company, even the boss is a female, I will not allow as well.

As for social circle, you may want try to expand your social circle. Try contacting your friends back, and go out with them if time is provided. If not, try go some sites to find more friends.

Best of Luck!

[Intltuk]

TS, seems like u're headed down a rocky path with ur hubby's perceived disinterest and ur need for love.

I see only one way out here and it's professional help is needed here to get to the root of the problem and find a resolution.

Yes yes, I know ur hubby is giving u all the excuses why he can't attend. Personally either both of u sit down for a frank talk or talk to the professionals. If no, say to say, I don't see a good ending.

Good luck.

[HappyOwl]

Your points are valid exactly to what I am anticipating if I decided to work. The main point is my kids. I can't bear to leave them at home to my helper and neglecting their studies. I am really in dilemma. 1 side is my desire of widening my circle of work and friends and the other my family. If I can get hold of his flings outside, if any, that way I know my decision will be v straight forward.

If your kids are below 5 years of age, then they seriously need the tender, loving & care from the mum. 5 years 1 minute & above there is still childcare around. :)

If you take on an office hour job or a part time job, reaching home around 6 - 7pm on a daily basis still quite alright. You still have sufficient time to go through their studies with them. Don't you think so? :)

[Watermelonn]

My husband is not interested in me. He will always find excuse to say he's tired from work and won't even look at me. I have told him many times that I need sex and even though sometimes he is willing to accommodate me, I feel that he's not willingly and whenever we have sex, I feel that I'm forcing him on me with no love. He will get straight to the point and release his load fast till the point I'm wondering is he pretending so that he can end the session fast. The reason he provide is tired due to work load. Can a guy do without sex? I've started to have doubts and feel that he is having flings outside. He has many


i have tje same feeling as u :( dono what should i do to make things better

[discordpiggy]

Sis,

How many kids do you have? And how old are they?

From my pov, probably your hubby is 'eating' outside. Seriously I'm a 'hubby' myself before. Even how tired I am after work, I will still want intimacy with my wife at times. Because I believe that intimacy is part of the marriage as well. So you may want to hire a PI to investigate or what.

As for job wise, not necessary to be a PA. I mean there are many job out there. If my partner said that she want to be a PA for some company, even the boss is a female, I will not allow as well.

As for social circle, you may want try to expand your social circle. Try contacting your friends back, and go out with them if time is provided. If not, try go some sites to find more friends.

Best of Luck!

i already said its classic case he "ate" outside liao! too obvious le! u tired from work still want intimacy but may or may not lead to sex. or even just telling your wife tired and have someone to talk to like "complaint" why work is so sianz is also consider as some form of "intimacy".

since TS husband won't even "complaint" abt work to her... means he "ate" outside, then came home hweeling tired.

my exs usually got complaint to me abt work de... so just listened and chat with him but he never asked for sex so...

[Roshta]

My kids are at age 5 & 2

These few days we are out for short gate away with my 1 kid but yet we don't behave like husband and wife, not loving & caring and no attention on me. Our attention are on kid only. No indicative at all. He gets easily agitated when I talk to him. Those bros/sis who mention they have married friends who has the same problem as me, what is the outcome for their marriage? Do they manage to solve and break the ice?

[BiRd13]

i already said its classic case he "ate" outside liao! too obvious le! u tired from work still want intimacy but may or may not lead to sex. or even just telling your wife tired and have someone to talk to like "complaint" why work is so sianz is also consider as some form of "intimacy".

since TS husband won't even "complaint" abt work to her... means he "ate" outside, then came home hweeling tired.

my exs usually got complaint to me abt work de... so just listened and chat with him but he never asked for sex so...

Haha... Ya... Intimacy does not really meant sex... It may be just hugging or sot of 'complaining' or talking about work/life etc...

Sorry ar. I never read all post de. I just quote TS message, and replied base on my own opinion :)

[ah rat]

my exs usually got complaint to me abt work de... so just listened and chat with him but he never asked for sex so...

This type long time should kick him out of bed.:D

[discordpiggy]

Haha... Ya... Intimacy does not really meant sex... It may be just hugging or sot of 'complaining' or talking about work/life etc...

Sorry ar. I never read all post de. I just quote TS message, and replied base on my own opinion :)

yah just listening ear can sometimes lead to horny sexventure lols!

anyways u my idol!!! can do the "mwb" - eat openly! :D

me must find someone who want that! :p

[discordpiggy]

This type long time should kick him out of bed.:D

i kick u! :rolleyes: :eek:

[BiRd13]

yah just listening ear can sometimes lead to horny sexventure lols!

anyways u my idol!!! can do the "mwb" - eat openly! :D

me must find someone who want that! :p

Should be easy for you to find... If you want ar :)

[discordpiggy]

Should be easy for you to find... If you want ar :)lols! I want but sibei hard to find some more I not pretty... u wanna help me find?! :D

[BiRd13]

lols! I want but sibei hard to find some more I not pretty... u wanna help me find?! :D

PM me your requirement :)

With photo as well for easy reference :D

[discordpiggy]

PM me your requirement

With photo as well for easy reference :D

my requirements?! simi?! at my sig the link there la, mwb is no sex de ma lols!!! u trick me! :rolleyes: photo i no have le... simi easy reference bleh :p i got remember what u said la... in need call u ma! :D

[ah rat]

lols! I want but sibei hard to find some more I not pretty... u wanna help me find?! :D

Got neh neh & pussy can liao :p

[1118]

I feel its quite normal for married couple with kids. try eating something for a years, eventually you will get sick.
i think you should try to dress up, try to ask a few friends out and keep him worried.
doll yourself up to make him want to take a second look on you.
when on bed try to seduce him, give him the best blow of his life, things will change.

[porscheclub]

My kids are at age 5 & 2

These few days we are out for short gate away with my 1 kid but yet we don't behave like husband and wife, not loving & caring and no attention on me. Our attention are on kid only. No indicative at all. He gets easily agitated when I talk to him. Those bros/sis who mention they have married friends who has the same problem as me, what is the outcome for their marriage? Do they manage to solve and break the ice?

My dear, for sure your marriage is cracked. You need to find an evening to send the kids away & have a good talk with husband in private. Let him know your concerns & need. A good spouse should listen & be understanding.

All healthy men have sexual urge so he's abnormal unless has diabetes or performance issue. He's most likely having a relationship instead of paid sex as well so be prepared for this during your conversation or PI report.

Now, your male friend's job. Don't do it. You already said that he has interest in you then being a PA job puts you in contact with him so unless you want a fling yourself then stop this idea.

Lastly, you can always find some home or web based work including part time since there's a maid but you could very well head for a divorce so please look into joining the workforce full time which could be a shock if you haven't been working for a few years.

I'm happily married now & I encourage my wife to work so she has a life, some extra money & of course don't come to bother me too much :D She's also encouraged to dress sexily for parties as women craves attention.