On the rocks

[wa81]

For a start, I am no angel myself and I dont expect my wife(Angie) to be one (although it will be terrific if she is...). And this is more a aunt agony type of story, not a sexual one.

This story (actually happening to me...) should start from my firstborn, a beautiful gal who is 4yrs old now. Since her birth, my wife and I had a break from sex... 3 yrs in total. Before that, I guess it can be said to be a healthy sex life. In between, guess the toil of looking after my gal really kicks in and deteriorate our relationship as we showered our care and concern on our gal.

Then it happened, a new guy(Yolo) joined her company, and it just started somewhere whereby they started to have harmless flirting with each other, to the stage of going out with each other on movie dates. About 3 mths from Yolo joining her company, I actually stumbled upon 1 of their movie date, I actually went into the threater secretly to spy on them. It was a torrid experience and I confronted her that night. To cut thing short, she promised that she will stop it while I promised to gave her another chance. But it was not meant to be as she couldn't really hold herself back. At this juncture, they had not openly declared their love for each other and thus, she held back while Yolo knew she was married and did not dare to make the first move.

Until another month or so, Angie had held on quite well trying to stay away from Yolo. Yolo felt the sudden coldness and did a declaration, although not hoping for any returns. They remained status que for another few months.

At work, Angie constantly faces alot of stress over heavy workload, I tried to show more care and concern for her, but I believe Yolo did a better job since he is in the same company and always work till late with her alone in the office. Of course, what could have happen in the office when both are alone, its anyone guess. I expect the worse but I do not think I have the need to verify that.

Another half a year gone, and finally Yolo made the first move, Angie actually reciprocate to it. While all these time, Angie act lovingly towards me. (after the first confrontation, we actually had sex for the first time in 3 years)

Till recently, the lovingness, the sex, the care and concern had tone down alot. Sex is zero again. Although there is not much tell tales signs since she always work late in the office, with or without Yolo. And there is no dates outside as I had so called ensure that doesn't happened... So the only rendezvous they can have is after office hours, in the office itself. I know for the fact that they do drink together in the office at times.

I thought I may just close both eyes to it and hope it will just end, or let time heal my heart wound. Why don't we just get a divorce? For my gal first and foremost, I just want and she definitely wants, a healthy family for her for she is our one and only darling. I hope I am strong enough to see this through for as long as I can, but the pain is too hard to bear at times...

Some assessment that I can come out with:
1. They are definitely in love with each other and had openly declared to each other. But it is still an underground relationship which I do not believe Angie have the courage to come out with it for her values does not allow her to do so. Yolo actually willing to go with that.
2. Sex probability: 60%. I have no concrete proof that they did it. But no one else will know what happened when they are alone in the office. But for a fact that Yolo knows her vital stats and bought lingerie for her, it should not be long before they does it. And definitely, Angie and me, sex is zero for a few months now...

Some options that I had thought of...
1. let it go, not in divorce, but to close eye to it as she is still doing her duty as a mother, a daughter/daughter-in-law, a wife? (without love, how much she can do???), and various long-term committement between us. This may be the most peaceful option since status que and they do not wants to come clean with it.
2. Confront Yolo, I try or hope I am open enough to talk sense and to resolve it, be it him willing to ask for her officially or to step back. One dangerous factor is I do not know my enemy well enough to do this. Is he really a perfect guy for Angie? or is he just another guy who is happy to have a fresh meat thrown to him?
3. Talk it out with Angie. During the first confrontation, it truly came to my realisation that she can be quite a liar, for denial and excuses... Is she really the true love I thought she is? Yes, I forgave her (my nature to forgive and forget easily, is this a good thing?), but I can never trust her anymore. So this option may just make it worse and without concrete hard proof, I can never win this argument with her.

For my family, our frds and anyone who know us, it is still not the time yet to just fire and forget. In the end, I chose to pen my thoughts down here, for this may just help me clear my thoughts and focus on more important things in my life... If we don't have our darling, it would be a straightforward choice...

[83to13]

Hi Bro, understand what you are going thru totally as in certain chapter of my life i'm in this kind of situation. For me i choose to keep quiet and act blur, she have her fun and comes home while i did the same. Stay cool

[simplyman]

Hi Bro, sad to hear that. I can only wish you good luck in your decision. Take care.

[demonhunter]

First and foremost , a Divorce is a big No No.

Your options are only to meet up with all parties and hit their conscience .

No point talking to Angie alone , asking her wtf she wants or is doing ....
Yolo will still be making his moves on her which makes her forget the things she promised you .

there's also no point talking to Yolo(who the F calls himself this name :confused:) man to man , do you really think he will give 2 F about what you say ? He already knew your existence from the cinema incident and things are still going on ...

So , as i said earlier ... all parties must be present ,including your 4 yr old princess .
Tell them its not about You , Angie or Yoyo .... its about breaking up a complete family of an innocent child .... If this still does not hit their conscience ... I dont know what will ?

This is your only choice , and if it does not work .....Just sign the fucking papers and be done with it but beware of the Womens Charter .

Hope this helps ...

GL

:)

ps:come to think of it , office sex quite thrilling leh ...

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Do not confront either party. Yes, I know its a real sucky feeling. But I suggest a reverse psychology method.
One fine day, just tell her, calmly, u know abt yolo n her. Remember, being married to u is one thing but its not important since she can already do it behind ur back, just how u gonna tell ur kid when she grows up one day that mommy was fucking her lover outside while daddy was at home wif baby.
Poison arrow multiply by 1000%

She'll know wat to do then.

U, just buy pop corn see her kadang kaboat!

[Skarlett0]

Do not confront either party. Yes, I know its a real sucky feeling. But I suggest a reverse psychology method.
One fine day, just tell her, calmly, u know abt yolo n her. Remember, being married to u is one thing but its not important since she can already do it behind ur back, just how u gonna tell ur kid when she grows up one day that mommy was fucking her lover outside while daddy was at home wif baby.
Poison arrow multiply by 1000%

She'll know wat to do then.

U, just buy pop corn see her kadang kaboat!

Agree that this may be the best way out TS.. All the best..

[wa81]

Thanks for the encouragements and advice. Sometimes ignorant is a bliss. Constantly telling myself love is giving without expecting returns. But it take a whole lot of courage and strength to keep doing it while she is giving more and more to other and lesser to me..

[Tai_zi21]

Thanks for the encouragements and advice. Sometimes ignorant is a bliss. Constantly telling myself love is giving without expecting returns. But it take a whole lot of courage and strength to keep doing it while she is giving more and more to other and lesser to me..

Unless there no love anymore then ignorant is a bliss... If not i dun think any guys can endure having ur wife in another man arms while you are the one slogging hard for the family...

[30bear]

Hi Bro,

Understand your feeling. You should engage a PI to do all the work for you and get the evidence. You are not the one who stray but your wife. Think it is time to sort out the issue through physical evidence. I understand that your kid will suffer but then what is a point of having a close and happy family when the other half is doing harmful thing to it.

May be it time to move on and throw in the evidence and get a divorce plus the custody of your kid.

Make sure you got the evidence and also make sure yourself is clean.

This is my five cent worth comments.

[Big Sexy]

what the point of guessing and assuming? if you have any doubt, ask her..
it will be easier to decide what to do after that...


Some assessment that I can come out with:
1. They are definitely in love with each other and had openly declared to each other. But it is still an underground relationship which I do not believe Angie have the courage to come out with it for her values does not allow her to do so. Yolo actually willing to go with that.
2. Sex probability: 60%. I have no concrete proof that they did it. But no one else will know what happened when they are alone in the office. But for a fact that Yolo knows her vital stats and bought lingerie for her, it should not be long before they does it.

[justl00king]

what the point of guessing and assuming? if you have any doubt, ask her..
Totally agreed with this.

TS bro, she's your wife..so question her! :p

Not healthy to be on suspicion mode, all the best and hope things goes well for ya. :)

[xuanz]

I maybe too young to comment on this.

But if I were you. I will confront the both of them. If he got the balls to hit on a married woman, then tell him to have the guts to take her along because you don't need such a woman. If she wants that relationship. Ask her to go ahead. If she really cherish her family, she will stop what she was doing altogether.

Marry a woman who is a mother to your child, a partner for life, not a bloody fraud.

[Lamborghini]

Sometimes when you ask / question, all you receive is lies after lies after lies after lies. * Sighs *

Anyway, Good Luck TS. :)

[archer69]

I maybe too young to comment on this.

But if I were you. I will confront the both of them. If he got the balls to hit on a married woman, then tell him to have the guts to take her along because you don't need such a woman. If she wants that relationship. Ask her to go ahead. If she really cherish her family, she will stop what she was doing altogether.

Marry a woman who is a mother to your child, a partner for life, not a bloody fraud.

It has nothing to do with the Guy who cares he don't need to explain besides it's up to the girl. Confront the wife.

[hehehaha]

When two parties love each other and go months without sex. That's a sign. Denial as much as you want, and believe as much as longlasting love story that Hollywood, storytellers and your parents shared with you. In this 22nd centuries, it is highly unlikely.

[sammyboyfor]

Shaken not stirred.

[wa81]

If things can be that simple as black and white. Its the long term effect to my daughter if divorced. That guy, since he knows, I dont believe he will be pricked by his conscious regardless what happens. My wife? Woman are hard to fathom.... thats all I can say...

[escaflower]

If things can be that simple as black and white. Its the long term effect to my daughter if divorced. That guy, since he knows, I dont believe he will be pricked by his conscious regardless what happens. My wife? Woman are hard to fathom.... thats all I can say...

Well, if u had nv confront the guy... he won't feel any conscious one... sometime things must be confronted then that guy or ur wife will feel it and give serious thought. .

Probably suggest u ask ur wife and the guy to come and talk.. bring the child alone to show the guy what he is doing is breaking up a family.

[maxsee]

I think best thing is hire a PI to gather evidence while at the same time sit down and have a good talk with her...no point holding on to someone who has no love for u...end of the day...even if Yolo is not in the picture....some other guy will still comes along...All in all it takes two hands to clap...If your wife is not retracting her own hand and willing to work on the family...things will happens again....

End of the day...u have to find the root of the problem and see if it can be solved...:D:D:D

[owl888]

if your wife is going to save the marriage, think she's got to let go and first step is resign from her job. R u ready to be the sole bread winner:confused:

[KaniNababe]

I m surprise that u can tolerate this. Go get a PI like somebody suggested. Go find out more abt this guy.
As the husband you have every rights to know , don't suffer in silence.
Maybe your wife felt neglected but this should never be the reason for her to indulge in an affair. She needs to bear the consequences for hurting u and UR daughter. U need to collect as much proof as possible to protect urself and UR child.

Gd luck.

[Summerhillt]

Waaa. This is a very heart wrenching situation Bro !!

I read already my '' bak sai '' almost wanna flow down.. It sure is very very pain to know that your own wife is trying to '' di di siao siao '' outside. But no matter what you do , do not divorce. I know that it is really fucked up that you are slogging your guts outside and back home your wife is doing all these shit.

Imagine you divorce. You must pay alimony ( is this what they call it ? ) every fucking month. The money you give her , she will spend with that lan jiao lang together. The lan jiao lang sure laugh until his balls drop ... potong jalan people wife than still got money spend.

Your daughter is still very young.. she deserves a normal family to grow up. Not a broken kind. You know lah.. kids nowadays very sensitive to their environment de.

Do not confront your wife colleague.. what is the use? He know she marry liao still call her out solo movie date all these '' wu eh bo eh '' means he is the ultimate lan jiao lang already. You beat him up ... later your wife condem you .. her other colleagues at work will also speak ill of her..

I suggest you talk to her.. if her heart is not with you. So be it, do everything else for your daughter.. hope when she grows up she will understand.

But bro, dont do anything foolish... talk to some good friends.. confide in them. Go out for a few drinks to let loose. Its really hard to tank all these.

I've read your post.. she readily had sex with you after 3 years after you so called '' caught red handed '' her after the movies. Is she feeling guilty? Trying to make it up?

Even if till the end reallly damn bo pian already.. think of the day you proposed to her.. why she made you feel that shes the one to be the mother of your kids.. sigh...

TAKE CARE MY BRUDDER

[wa81]

Getting a PI to check on the guy. Worth it?
To divorce, The burden will be too much for my daughter and everyone around us to bear...
I confronted her again and what hurt me most is that she was indecisive of who to chose. I guess that, itself already proved alot.

In the end, I chose status que, for my gal... since she cant make a decision. Well, to rather chose to go separate way and hurting my gal in the process, it is a irreversible damage that will be done. Since her first priority is also our gal, I believe this is the minimal damage option, as the only person to be hurt, I guess its myself...

I asked myself constantly, thought thru alot, and I still believe I still love her enough... and if she is happy this way, I will follow her will and who knows what will happen in the future. Just that, I will be just a father to her daughter, a friend (I hope this is a baseline)...

Time to change my focus to my gal and my work and myself... At least this can bring a closure to this chapter of my life for now...

Thks for all the encouragements and advices bros..

[Beachsea]

Hi Bro ,

Really sad to read what you are facing here.
We can only give you suggestions and opinions as we can never really understand how you feel and how is it like.

But for the sake of your daughter's future , i think you might need PI first. The initial lay work needs to be done. You never know when your wife might switch her words, especially when she already betrayed the family, betrayed you and betrayed the marriage. No more trust i guess. As you said for the sake of your daughter you need to maintain and improve your work and financial. But play safe from now on ya, be prepared for all the shit she might throw at you. Just in case.

Whatever your decision its up to you, i wish you the best. Its hard to even accept even she is back and remorseful, this is a scar and such things will occur again once it happened.

[maxsee]

If you divorce without being able to prove adultery or there is 3rd party....the amount of alimony u end up paying will be HUGE.....but then again there is the problem of proving adultery which is kind of hard 2....so good luck.....

End of the day, those who get married are all at the mercy of the one sided woman charter....:D:D:D

PS : U definitely need a PI...nothing to do with worth it or not...it will probably cost a tidy sum of money....but will helps during the court case for divorce....

[Intltuk]

TS, Sounds like u're giving up?? If this don't get resolve, the animosity may get worse and tat will impact on ur child. Remember, when parents fight...the kid is the loser. Sometimes, divorce may be the best way out as both parties can put their past behind them and move forward....and give the kid the love she deserves. Anyway, I'm not advocating divorce; since both of u have discussed and could not reconcile, think u need professional help, eg marriage counsellor as a 1st step.

[Siangirl]

No use in hiring a PI if the ending you hope for is not a divorce. Ask yourself truthfully what do you want now? Her to be back and cut off all ties with him? Or you can go without her but still remain in the marriage for the sake of your child as mentioned.

[Stewardess]

Once there is a 3rd party involved, it is better to let go than to hold on.

On a side note, gather the facts and pray for the best. Remember, she has Women's Charter on her side.

Good luck.

[topcook1]

Guess there is no love anymore. Is your responsibility only. If I am you I will call it off and lead a new life. Woman once they dont love u...is gone...

[sensuous]

Got try to be romantic and sweet to ur wife? Is it that she doesn't even seem interested in it?

If she doesn't even seem touched or like happy when you try to "revive" the love then I think it's a good sign she's really gone...

[Rickey]

Guess there is no love anymore. Is your responsibility only. If I am you I will call it off and lead a new life. Woman once they dont love u...is gone...

Yes, wat bro topcook says is quite true...know of a no of such cases where they turn the guys away heartlessly...once she makes up her mind, there's no turning back esp women...no point chasing after her shadow...move on & find greener pastures elsewhere...there are still many other nice fishes in the deep blue sea...in the whole wide world...

[wa81]

Now, is staying together for the sake of staying together...
Asking myself what do I want. I do still want this marriage to go on, even though she no longer loves me, I still do love her. The irony... love really is blind faith... haha...
She, on the other hand, does not wants to anything to change since she cant even decide what she wants... the guy or the family, I guess status que is still the best option at the moment.

The fact that she cheated cannot be denied, but of course, this is just a small statistics adding to the current world record now... I can forgive her for what she did, she felt pang of guilt, but this is a forever scar which only time can heal...

guess the status for me now is married but available... haha... how many out there are actually going thru this kind of status??? I am sure there are many more in similar situation... ok, not to the extend of cheating, but just that the love is lost and couples are staying together for the sake of staying together?

[Summerhillt]

Time heals all wounds but leaves a scar. Don't worry bro , she cannot even choose between you or the family means shes not something worth to hold.

[Sugarbabe3331]

I know of some couples who have stayed together in a loveless marriage because a) they do not want the financial burden of a divorce b) they want to keep up pretenses c) of the children.

There is one couple I know who have stayed together for 30 years. Husband still comes home to the family everyday, good provider but has a string of girlfriends. Wife chooses to stay in the marriage saying that as long as he comes home to her, it's fine. Both are suffering. Children are also suffering. Why put everyone through the agony for so long? There is no quality in that kind of life.

I am not an advocate of divorce but if there is no more trust it will be hard for the marriage to survive. Why put yourself through a lifetime of unhappiness with her knowing that she is cheating on you and does not reciprocate your love? You deserve a second shot at happiness.

[HappyOwl]

they want to keep up pretenses

Sis. Sugarbabe3331,

They want to keep up pretenses means what:confused:

They want to pretend nothing happened:confused:

[Sugarbabe3331]

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

[demonhunter]

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

This type is old timer lifestyle ... the wife close one eye .

The new Generation will sue the husband and make him lose 60%

:D

[HappyOwl]

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

Oh, now I understand. It is a tricky situation.

From the way I read your paragraph, it gives me an impression of a time bomb. Is a matter of time before one tick, ticks again and again until both suffocate. On top of that, at least when they meet anyone outside, they still can...

...my husband this la hee hee... my husband that la hee hee...

...my wifa ah, aiyoh... my wife ah, hee hee...

Am I right? :)

[Johnbass]

http://www.tnp.sg/content/spore-man-splurges-52000-divorce-party

S'pore man splurges $52,000 on divorce party

Printed TNP copy also reported about S'pore woman having divorce party.
Haiz... should just come sbf... no need waste $$
:cool:

[HappyOwl]

Printed TNP copy also reported about S'pore woman having divorce party.
Haiz... should just come sbf... no need waste $$
:cool:

Bro. Johnbass, it seems like they are not even troubled by alimony fees, lawyer fees, maintenance fees?

That also provided they don't get married again. No:confused:

[Ahxi]

Get PI
Call for group meeting with a mediator / witness (sister in law will be best).
Ask the guy and wife how they want to proceed. Give them 2 - 3 days to think through.
Idea is to force them and yourself to make a decision and stick with it.

I think this will be better for the long run for your daughter than just for her to find out that the "happy family" is all a lie. She might just end up hating her mom more later on.

Also, if she choose to leave on her own, the probability of you having to support her is low. You might still love her but releasing her might be good for both you and her. Who knows, you might just meet someone who is willing to sacrifice more for you and your daughter. The important point is that there should be a witness.

[bbmapple]

TS , your situation not the only one... Although I am woman, I also agree that nowadays women are much more aggressive when comes to such things...

I think if there is already a 3rd party, no point to salvage... She is a mother but doesn't act like one. She is a wife but has no respect for the marriage. She is a woman but behaves like a bitch!

I grew up in single parent family. I don't hate my mum for dumping the family and re-marry. I only miss her during times when my friends all have mummies who cry on the wedding day... Sighs...
Other than that, I am a very loved child in my family. My grandparents are my support and they aLways tell me they are proud of me. My father dotes on me and give me a lot of love. And he works hard (I can tell even though I was only 7 or 8 years old) and always bring me to trips when I was still a child...

If u are prepared to love your girl with everything u have, I think that is enough. Don't let the precious childhood become an act when she finally grows up and knows.
IMHO, if I had lived with both my parents, and had to live with a false front for the last 20 years of my life, I don't think I will be the person I am now.

It is ok to live with a failed marriage. Or grow up from a single parent family. There is no such stigma in this day and time.

But of cos, u can confront your wife first. Other samsters gave some advice on how to approach her. I also think no point to confront that "intruder" cos now it's him come and stir, even he knows she is married.
If she really not letting go that "intruder" what's the point of living with a one-sided marriage?? If she loves your girl, she will come back. By then, u can learn to forgive her and heal.

Take care TS

[Megatronzombie]

Getting a PI to check on the guy. Worth it?
To divorce, The burden will be too much for my daughter and everyone around us to bear...
I confronted her again and what hurt me most is that she was indecisive of who to chose. I guess that, itself already proved alot.

In the end, I chose status que, for my gal... since she cant make a decision. Well, to rather chose to go separate way and hurting my gal in the process, it is a irreversible damage that will be done. Since her first priority is also our gal, I believe this is the minimal damage option, as the only person to be hurt, I guess its myself...

I asked myself constantly, thought thru alot, and I still believe I still love her enough... and if she is happy this way, I will follow her will and who knows what will happen in the future. Just that, I will be just a father to her daughter, a friend (I hope this is a baseline)...

Time to change my focus to my gal and my work and myself... At least this can bring a closure to this chapter of my life for now...

Thks for all the encouragements and advices bros..

Bro TS, I have always been a candid person and I wont stop now being one now. If you don't like candid-ness and brutal worst case scenario projections, you better stop reading what I am going to write. If you are ok with it, please read on.

Bro TS do you know what will happen if you let this drag on? Let me put it in context in the worst case scenario:

1) You will become mentally ill knowing you have to work hard everyday. While Mr yolololo is having a mighty fine time (if you know what i mean) with your so-called wife in the office on her late nights, you will be at home reading storybooks to your girl and tugging her to bed. When can your heart give in to all this stupid condition and finally snap?!?
2) Your so-called wife already so busy at work now add on to late- night outings and sex with the other guy will simply has less and less time for your daughter, your daughter will be wondering whats going on and why is mummy never around? She will ask so many questions you can't answer without lying to her until you will burst and probably do something you will regret for life... well, unless you are so darn patient and forgiving then you will tell your daughter everytime your mum is trying her best at work in whiccase pls see item (5) below
3) Worst case scenario A: After many years of status quo, your so-called wife finally made the decision to follow Mr Yolo and dumps you but as you said, she loves her daughter. She will fight for custody for her daughter to become a happy family with the guy. Whoopee, a happy family unit is formed!! The Singapore Dream!.... but you're not in it. Sorry. You will be left with NOTHING and you will be old and you will feel so tired, demotivated and hard to get another wife and have another child. The daughter you brought up for many years suddenly will not be yours. And yes this is Singapore woman charter rights, you hardly stand a chance to get your daughter if your wife and Mr Yolo can prove they can take care of her themselves. You didnt bother to get a PI to get down evidence so you have nothing to fight with. Just... too... bad
4) Worst case scenario B: You continue your status-quo masterplan. Every night she work late in office enjoying wine with Mr Yololololo and the occassional hot sex romps. You come home to your daughter who asks you every day where is mum. You wrack ytour brains thinking to come up with excuses for her. Then finally the day came, Mr Yololololololo decided he has played with your so-called wife enough and all 'positions/locations' achievement unlocked, time to change for another bitch, baby. Swiftly dumps your so-called wife. Your wife tearful and full of broken hearts came running back to you crying for acceptance. By then your heart is already full of bitterness, emptyness and sorrow, the question is.... will you still accept her anymore?
5) Worst case scenario C: After many many years of your status quo grand plan, your daughter has all grown up. There is simply no f**king way she doesnt know her mum is screwing another guy and her dad is letting it happen. She will have a warped mental attitude towards marriage, infidelity, sex and... status quo. And one day, who knows, she might just repeat the same mistake as her mother.

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter.

[romidogdog]

Bro TS, I have always been a candid person and I wont stop now being one now. If you don't like candid-ness and brutal worst case scenario projections, you better stop reading what I am going to write. If you are ok with it, please read on.

Bro TS do you know what will happen if you let this drag on? Let me put it in context in the worst case scenario:

1) You will become mentally ill knowing you have to work hard everyday. While Mr yolololo is having a mighty fine time (if you know what i mean) with your so-called wife in the office on her late nights, you will be at home reading storybooks to your girl and tugging her to bed. When can your heart give in to all this stupid condition and finally snap?!?
2) Your so-called wife already so busy at work now add on to late- night outings and sex with the other guy will simply has less and less time for your daughter, your daughter will be wondering whats going on and why is mummy never around? She will ask so many questions you can't answer without lying to her until you will burst and probably do something you will regret for life... well, unless you are so darn patient and forgiving then you will tell your daughter everytime your mum is trying her best at work in whiccase pls see item (5) below
3) Worst case scenario A: After many years of status quo, your so-called wife finally made the decision to follow Mr Yolo and dumps you but as you said, she loves her daughter. She will fight for custody for her daughter to become a happy family with the guy. Whoopee, a happy family unit is formed!! The Singapore Dream!.... but you're not in it. Sorry. You will be left with NOTHING and you will be old and you will feel so tired, demotivated and hard to get another wife and have another child. The daughter you brought up for many years suddenly will not be yours. And yes this is Singapore woman charter rights, you hardly stand a chance to get your daughter if your wife and Mr Yolo can prove they can take care of her themselves. You didnt bother to get a PI to get down evidence so you have nothing to fight with. Just... too... bad
4) Worst case scenario B: You continue your status-quo masterplan. Every night she work late in office enjoying wine with Mr Yololololo and the occassional hot sex romps. You come home to your daughter who asks you every day where is mum. You wrack ytour brains thinking to come up with excuses for her. Then finally the day came, Mr Yololololololo decided he has played with your so-called wife enough and all 'positions/locations' achievement unlocked, time to change for another bitch, baby. Swiftly dumps your so-called wife. Your wife tearful and full of broken hearts came running back to you crying for acceptance. By then your heart is already full of bitterness, emptyness and sorrow, the question is.... will you still accept her anymore?
5) Worst case scenario C: After many many years of your status quo grand plan, your daughter has all grown up. There is simply no f**king way she doesnt know her mum is screwing another guy and her dad is letting it happen. She will have a warped mental attitude towards marriage, infidelity, sex and... status quo. And one day, who knows, she might just repeat the same mistake as her mother.

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter. totally agreed, nowadays i was wondering what happened to our society now? Compare to our older generation? I have come across so many this kind of cases, real sad, especially with young children. Marriage is a life time commitment, can't commit than don't married! to me, they are just selfish , heartless, cruel. Something is missing with both parties. Communications? Spending less time together? Sex problem ?When you feel something is not right in your relationship, most importantly is go for heart to heart talks, find out what's the problem.Imho, If my wife happens to eat outside, I'll dump her no matter what ,cos if not, the scenario will keep coming into my mind for life !!.its torturing !!!

TS, you decide what's good for you.

[arsenal_84]

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter.

i feel you provide a very detailed explanation on the risks involved.
when a rs breaks down, it is the mental health that is the most important aspect to take care of.

TS need to be mentally strong in order to take care of his daughter and to do that, fatherly love have to blossom and i believe that is not possible without a positive mind free of distractions.
i do not want to go down the path of 2nd guessing but the lingering doubts is enough to drive any sane man out of his mind.

[CockworkOrange]

For a start, I am no angel myself and I dont expect my wife(Angie) to be one (although it will be terrific if she is...). And this is more a aunt agony type of story, not a sexual one.

This story (actually happening to me...) should start from my firstborn, a beautiful gal who is 4yrs old now. Since her birth, my wife and I had a break from sex... 3 yrs in total. Before that, I guess it can be said to be a healthy sex life. In between, guess the toil of looking after my gal really kicks in and deteriorate our relationship as we showered our care and concern on our gal....

Bro, I can totally relate to your situation. I have just very recently found myself in a similar situation. And I am still working on dealing with it.

Just a few quick works of advice :
01_Seek professional help, ie marriage counselling.
Start with yourself first, it will help you to see the whole situation in a more 'focused' manner. If your wife, eventually agrees to also see the counsellor, then it will help to improve the situation.

If not, at least it will help you to deal with an eventual breakup or divorce [if that is the choice].

I did that myself, for exactly the same reasoning as you did - I will not let my child suffer or pay the price for me and my wife's actions or mistakes.

The good thing for me is that she is now also seeing a counsellor and we are working to mend the relationship.

02_Secondly, what I have learnt through my talks and sessions with the counsellor - is that there is no party that is blameless. It takes two hands to clap. But one party may have more blame to carry. So, look and reflect on your own actions [or inactions]. If you see a counsellor, he or she should be able to help you through this.

I have realised that I have a lot of blame to carry [but that does not absolve the other party for having an affair]. Its the usual guy stuff - too focused on work and building career, not helping in the house, not sharing the burden of bring up children etc etc.

Most importantly, women needs emotional support, be it Intellectually or Emotional. I did not gave mine to my wife, we were living in our own separate worlds. She has a vacuum to fill and when the right/wrong person comes along, at the right/wrong time to give that - she falls for it!

Work on that. If you have a particular faith [or your wife shares the same faith, as in religion], use that too for support. You need all and nay support you can get.

03_Perseverance and Patience. If you are committed to save the marriage, then it will be a long, long road ahead. And you will need perseverance and patience, lots of it. The lost of trust is a very difficult thing to heal.

I have been on this road for 3 months now and there are times that my commitment is truly tested to the absolute limit. But remember - why are you doing this for? It is for your beautiful daughter, as I did for mine. Let her be your strength and your anchor. Look for her love and unconditional support in her eyes. I have lost count on the number of times I wavered and my child just 'gave' me the will to continue on.

04_Guilt. The party having the affair is 'never' happy. They may, for a brief fleeting moment, but they are usually racked with guilt after. Your wife may feel that way, then there is still hope. So, again, seek professional help.

I have gone through the turmoil and emotional roller coaster of feeling and emotions. I have consider hiring PI, installing sypware, hidden cams, tailing her and the whole gamut of things.

But, bro, remember your ultimate aim - saving the marriage, keeping the family together and being answerable to your daughter - 'Daddy may have done wrong before, but he is now truly a changed person. It is not Daddy who wanted to break up this family but it is Mummy'.

I know it is cold comfort [because that was what I felt when it was told to me] but it is important for your conscience to be clear and life can move on again.

Look, bro, I can go on and on. If you need more advice, PM me. I may be able to help steer you in the right direction. Or talk to someone close to you, it will help.

You have my utmost sympathies as I understand the turmoil in your mind. Hang in there!

cockworkorange

[hardworking48]

Bro, if you love your wife, you should go and confront that Yolo bastard and tell him to fxxk off. Why you taking such a soft approach? It makes you look less of a man and not fighting for your woman.

Of course, you should still go for counselling etc as advise by the other bros to iron out the problems between both of you but if Yolo is constantly giving her temptations, how can she turn around?

Kick the shit out of Yolo or even, make him lose his job. KNNCCB.