to wait or not to wait for him?

[LosTotally]

self-intro of myself: im in my 30s and got a stable job.

Here is my story:

I know my guy for 2 years already. During our honeymoon period (that is the 1st few months) he told me he is not holding a decent job. I thought to myself, what job is he holding and why is he holding such a job? At the same time, i was glad that he told me the truth but i cannot accept this truth. I feel extremely sad whether to break with him or not. As i think maybe a break up would be good when our relationships wasn't that strong but i was wrong. We both broke in tears knowing I want to break up with him. After that, he promise that he will be careful with his job.

Before i known him, i was already in financial difficulties. After he knew about my situation, he give me $500 to tide down my problem but this is only temporary. I know he is not earning much either but he still supports me. He give me all the best but yet he doesn't really treat himself that well.


During the days with him is the most happiest moments in my life. He give me all the attention i need. Accompany me whenever he has the time. Put me infront of him irregardless of anything. Though many times, we did quarrel but each time after quarrel, our relationship grew stronger.

But this relationship didn't continue for long until one fine day, he was arrested. Didn't know he was arrested as we were supposed to me on that night but i wouldn't reach him at all. Went to his place following day but he was not at home. I am worried sick about him. Days by days went by, finally i received a call from police station that he was arrested. Tears flowing from my eyes and i was asked to visit him the following day.

When i went to station, his eyes were red. I told myself not to cry as he will worry about me. I tell him not to worry as i will engage a lawyer to fight his case and i will wait for him.

As i am in financial difficulties, engaging a lawyer is not that easy though i can pay back the money in a year's time. But I am also in a dilemma.....is it worth doing all this for him or to wait for him? Because i know he might need to serve a few years sentence or his PR status will be revoked? Friends said im silly to do all these for him. But if i don't help him, there will be no one he can ask for help.

I really feel so helpless now. I cant tell my family this also because they will sure ask me to leave him. He is still the man i love the most even though so much has happen.

[Big Sexy]

it is only right that you help him, however waiting for him is a totally different matter, btw what actually what are waiting for? this relationship will bring you more suffering...u are into your 30s and that guy isnt going to be able to give u the stability and happiness you are seeking for, leave him for good, unless u want a miserably life..... you will be happier even if you remain single.

self-intro of myself: im in my 30s and got a stable job.

is it worth doing all this for him or to wait for him?.

[LosTotally]

it is only right that you help him, however waiting for him is a totally different matter, btw what actually what are waiting for? this relationship will bring you more suffering...u are into your 30s and that guy isnt going to be able to give u the stability and happiness you are seeking for, leave him for good, unless u want a miserably life..... you will be happier even if you remain single.

Waiting to reunite with him. I am so deeply and madly in love with him.
No one will know what will happen down the road. Maybe I am the one whom change my heart but right now, just want him to know he is not alone and to encourage him.

[maxsee]

Being with him will make ur current situation worse....is that what u really want in the long run?...And since u are in financial difficulties now...It is best u clear off ur own debts before u start thinking of having a relationship....dun think that anyone would like their other half to be in debts...:D:D:D

[2centsworth]

What does he do and what is he caught for? You are asking for advice while leaving out crucial details. If he is caught red-handed, engaging a lawyer might be useless too. In such a case, you are wasting your money. Engaging a lawyer then just becomes a reason for you to feel better, for you to feel you didn't abandon him. Don't waste your money. You don't have a lot of money too. Whatever he did, he did it knowingly. Let him be responsible for himself.

[LosTotally]

What does he do and what is he caught for? You are asking for advice while leaving out crucial details. If he is caught red-handed, engaging a lawyer might be useless too. In such a case, you are wasting your money. Engaging a lawyer then just becomes a reason for you to feel better, for you to feel you didn't abandon him. Don't waste your money. You don't have a lot of money too. Whatever he did, he did it knowingly. Let him be responsible for himself.

to protect my bf's right. I have no choice to leave out the crucial details. He was caught red-handed by the police. Im engaging a lawyer not because to make myself feel better. But i cant leave him to fight the case alone right.

[stillgottheblue]

Go get legal aid to help him.

Regarding the relationship, I can foresee more sadness than happiness since you didn't mentioned if he, himself, is willing to turn over a new leaf.

Bring in love and life after marriage is almost a completely different stage of life.

[Big Sexy]

if u have already made up your mind, why bother to seek a 2nd opinion?
just go ahead and do what you are so blinded with and create tons of unhappiness for those who care and love you and for the society at large.

Waiting to reunite with him. I am so deeply and madly in love with him.
No one will know what will happen down the road. Maybe I am the one whom change my heart but right now, just want him to know he is not alone and to encourage him.

[maxsee]

Another few months down the road...u are probably going to wake up from the illusion of love....and realize tat u just burn a big hole to help him....but then again this is part and parcel of life.....:D:D:D

[hamsapkwai]

and 10 years down the road with him when the initial lovey dovey euphoria have faded, and u find that u have spent all those time bailing your loser bf out of trouble AND u find it difficult to kick your own ass feel free to call us for help :p

[LosTotally]

Go get legal aid to help him.

Regarding the relationship, I can foresee more sadness than happiness since you didn't mentioned if he, himself, is willing to turn over a new leaf.

Bring in love and life after marriage is almost a completely different stage of life.

Im sure he is willing to turn over a new leaf after this. Who will want to go back a place with no freedom?

those who want to pour cold water on me, pls go ahead.
Even if how bad or worst situation im in, i take it as a test to make myself stronger.

I have a frd's frd who is a lawyer and he is willing to help fight his case.
Thanks stillgottheblue for the advice.

Love and marriage life i don't dare think so far. Right now is to solve this case 1st

[hardworking48]

You got no money you wanna employ your own lawyer to fight the case? YOu better think twice. This will cost anything from $10K to $50K. Better you let the govt offer your bf a govt appointed lawyer under legal aid system.

Anyway, your bf will have a black record and will have difficulty getting jobs from now on. Your life with him down the road will be totally shit up.

Help him in this case now, but never marry him or continue on with this relationship. Your future will suffer greatly.

[fishing around]

kudos to you for been willing to help him.

it would be good to check with the lawyer on the estimated costs and make OBJECTIVE judgement based on that.

supporting you in terms of the legal aid as it is something a GOOD friend would do.

on the emotion side, better keep it down for now and take things on one at a time.
- help him with legal (within reasonable means)
- resolve ur debt issue
- think about YOUR (you urself) future
- relationship and marriage

Good Luck!

[LosTotally]

kudos to you for been willing to help him.

it would be good to check with the lawyer on the estimated costs and make OBJECTIVE judgement based on that.

supporting you in terms of the legal aid as it is something a GOOD friend would do.

on the emotion side, better keep it down for now and take things on one at a time.
- help him with legal (within reasonable means)
- resolve ur debt issue
- think about YOUR (you urself) future
- relationship and marriage

Good Luck!

Thank for the encouragement. I really need to take things 1 step at a time now.
Just like what i have mentioned earlier, marriage life i don't dare to think so far.
At least all i can do is to encourage him. For my debt issue, i can repay within a year or so not really a big issue on that. At most do part time job on wkends =)

For the lawyer issue, my friend has decided to help me pay 1st but i have to pay him/her back after i have settled my debt issue. And this lawyer is his/her friend so lawyer willing to charge me half of what he normally charge.

Anyone have part time job to recommend? Not those sexual type one hor..
Im gd in data entry stuff because i type fast and i learnt things fast too.

[LosTotally]

You got no money you wanna employ your own lawyer to fight the case? YOu better think twice. This will cost anything from $10K to $50K. Better you let the govt offer your bf a govt appointed lawyer under legal aid system.

Anyway, your bf will have a black record and will have difficulty getting jobs from now on. Your life with him down the road will be totally shit up.

Help him in this case now, but never marry him or continue on with this relationship. Your future will suffer greatly.

Black record does not mean cant find job. If i not wrong there is this yellow ribbon project to help ex-convicts to start a new life. Even if he cant find a job, he can start a small business with the help of friends maybe?

[Johnbass]

Are you looking for advice or just a listening ear?
I learnt that it's usually the latter.
Good luck and happy new year.
;)

[Absolute]

To me marriage must at least satisfy the equation 1 + 1 =2

Better still if it becomes 1 + 1 >= 2

Any other outcomes will not even be worth considering.

[Newbie1985]

Help him within your means. And you mentioned he is a PR. Most likely it will be revoked after he served his sentence & not able to return forever or at least for a very long time. Unless you are prepared to leave everything here and go stay in his homeland then there is no point in continuing.

[LosTotally]

Thanks all for the advices. Be it positive or negative advices, I know what to do already. Follow my heart....

[Risis]

just out of curiosity, you mentioned he is a PR, so which country does he come from. And how did you guys meet?

[hamsapkwai]

just out of curiosity, you mentioned he is a PR, so which country does he come from. And how did you guys meet?

did he overturned and set fire to a police car recently? :p

[LosTotally]

just out of curiosity, you mentioned he is a PR, so which country does he come from. And how did you guys meet?

We meet in singapore.

[Johnbass]

Just curious... Y u don't want SG men?
Maybe will have less problems... Or more?!
:eek:

[Risis]

We meet in singapore.

In a club? And he's country of origin?

[LosTotally]

Just curious... Y u don't want SG men?
Maybe will have less problems... Or more?!
:eek:

love just come without i realise. If i ask you, will you ask a lady whether she is a sporean when you decide to be with her?

In a club? And he's country of origin?
I think i don't have to tell you where and when i meet him? :rolleyes:
He is not ang moh

[Johnbass]

love just come without i realise. If i ask you, will you ask a lady whether she is a sporean when you decide to be with her?


Actually I will leh.
Cos' it's not just about me and partner... Includes our friends and families... If you're talking about marriage.
So race, nationality, language, religion, beliefs... plays a part.
Of cos' I've seen cross-cultural relationships/marriages that worked as well.

But if the beginning is already tough... The later part of the relationship will just get tougher.

:cool:

[Medster]

Its better to be practical then be blinded.

[ColdBlood99]

Ya ask yourself is your bf worth for you to wait for him? What is he come out and he don't want contact you anymore? During this period you sure you won't fall in love with other guy?

To be frank you are already 30++ how many years of youth you can waste?

I'm sure your answer will be say bye bye to him.

大难临头各自飞

[viviankoh]

Hi,

I was so touched when I read your post. Just wanna let you know that I am was in a similar situation. Joined my ex in his company and wanted so much for his online biz tp suceed.

I thought I was the happiest woman on earth during those times buy eventually things did not work out. We, both sacrificed alot too for eaxh other but reality can be harsh as we realised we cant be together. I was vey much controlled by him to the extent I felt that he was the only person in my life. In another words, I could not have a life of my own

It got to the extent where by I had depression and could not focus on my work.

Its all over now. Now when I looked back, part of me felt that the sacrifice was not worth it at all.

So my dear, move on with your life. I know its very hard but I did it and so can u.

May you be blessed with peace and happy new year!

[Intltuk]

Follow ur heart dear. If things turn out great, congrats. If things did not turn out the way u expect......move on...ur conscious is clear.

[hugs]

Woman..so typical. You are fallen in love WITH LOVE ITSELF n indulging in the emotional sensation of being in love. So if this is what you want, to be in love whatever consequences, then enjoy the pain that follows and say goodbye to your money.

[maxsee]

Pointless to tell TS about all the pitfalls if she wanted to jump in the pit herself....give her a couple of years and she would eventually look back at her folly...:D:D:D

[JoLim]

Hi Sis

Sorry hear your story.


The unknown to us is what have he done wrong? Without more details no one can advise on whether lawyer can help to reduce his punishment?
Do you mind give hints or tell us on what have he done wrong?


Pardon me as i am not pouring cold water. IMHO if there are enough evident and if it is clear cut that he committed a offence, no point engage lawyer as there are nothing to fight. Then but if you feel bad for not helping even thought clear cut that lawyer cannot help, up to you if you insist to engage lawyer.


It is your choice

[tomtan123]

Sad to hear your story TS.

You should have a self-punishment clash in your bazhi and that resulted in you having such a situation. Is either you live with it or you take action to solve your problems

[HappyOwl]

Waiting to reunite with him. I am so deeply and madly in love with him.
No one will know what will happen down the road. Maybe I am the one whom change my heart but right now, just want him to know he is not alone and to encourage him.

He is so fortunate to have you by his side. A lady like you is hard to come by indeed.

I wish you all the best and stay strong. :)

[porscheclub]

My dear, in the current times that we live in, love counts for 20% & wealth 80%. Without money you have no shelter, no food & not very happy. Money is not everything in life but it buys you comfort.

You're already 30+ & he has most likely a colourful past, nevermind that but trouble brews ahead for him & you yourself are like a boat that cannot find a harbour. Save yourself first before thinking about others.

Happiness does not come from wealth or love but definitely not from debt!

After helping him. Let's see the judgement he gets & decide but remember women age faster than men.

[wytt]

self-intro of myself: im in my 30s and got a stable job.

Here is my story:

I know my guy for 2 years already. During our honeymoon period (that is the 1st few months) he told me he is not holding a decent job. I thought to myself, what job is he holding and why is he holding such a job? At the same time, i was glad that he told me the truth but i cannot accept this truth. I feel .....
I really feel so helpless now. I cant tell my family this also because they will sure ask me to leave him. He is still the man i love the most even though so much has happen.

You are brave but you are not strong. Honestly speaking man especially who wanna get married should be responsible for everything he is doing. Instead of waiting for someone else to help him, he should be able to appoint the lawyer by himself before calling for the court. Meanwhile, as you mentioned that he is not doing a decent job, although you did not give the answer but both of you already admitted in mental that the chance of winning with lawyer's help is quite low. Singapore blue man normally will not bring back the ppl to police station all of a sudden unless there is really some severe case. Anyway, we all hope that both of you will have the good luck.

[Mountain]

Your courage is admirable. But U need to really think of your future, is this what u really wants? What do u expect for years to come?
U need to make a bold decision as I really do feel that if u choose to stay by his side and help him as much as u can, then u have to suffer both financially and emotionally.

It has to be one way, if he really cares in the first place, he wouldn't ended up behind bar. Everyone has got to be self fish at a point, is either u walk out or stay. His actions are not your wiping tool, don't be blinded by love.

If u really wanted to help, so be it. But I would suggest u to limit yourself and look out for better one.

[Big Sexy]

mate.. it is a thin line btw Courage and Stupidity.
she is plain dumb and her bf is plain bum.

Your courage is admirable. But U need to really think of your future, is this what u really wants? What do u expect for years to come?

[Keit]

I ever sentense to jail for 18 mths , my gal wait me , that is the most important for me to move on, have gd example on that period , till i relasese now , i know she unlike smoking so i quit as well , believe me ,she need your love and support ...