How do u learn to trust ur partner again??? [Archive]

ColdBlood99

07-11-2013, 03:00 AM

sorry catch no ball.

once he cheated you and lie to you, you wont be able trust him 100%, that why you have doubt and paranoid in him.

break off with him lah hahahaha

still got so many trees outside.

desireme88

07-11-2013, 04:19 AM

Hi,

Trust is something that is earned, and it takes time if at all. For sure it will depend on the persons future actions and behavior.

It is you to decide if it is worth the waiting.

Cheers

It's a tough decision then.

desireme88

07-11-2013, 04:24 AM

once he cheated you and lie to you, you wont be able trust him 100%, that why you have doubt and paranoid in him.

break off with him lah hahahaha

still got so many trees outside.

Not easy to find someone with chemistry and you love.

ColdBlood99

07-11-2013, 04:39 AM

Not easy to find someone with chemistry and you love.

no matter how hard you try,if the person is not meant for you in your life, end of the day he will leave.

take good care

sammyboyfor

07-11-2013, 06:02 AM

It's so tiring to keep doubting n checking n feeling paranoid.

Just accept that life is not perfect and neither is your partner. :p

MrSeahLK

07-11-2013, 01:12 PM

Not true. The trust are establish far before marry. Just continue to trust.

It's so tiring to keep doubting n checking n feeling paranoid.

desireme88

08-11-2013, 03:48 AM

Not true. The trust are establish far before marry. Just continue to trust.

How to continue to trust when I don't know how to trust?

sammyboyfor

08-11-2013, 04:09 AM

How to continue to trust when I don't know how to trust?

Never trust anyone.

Big Sexy

08-11-2013, 06:59 AM

desireme88

08-11-2013, 01:55 PM

Never trust anyone.

Probably u r right. My dad tells me that too. Time to listen to daddy.

desireme88

08-11-2013, 01:57 PM

u need to learn how to trust again,
otherwise even getting a new partner wont help..
everyone makes mistake,
learn to forgive and forget and start trusting again.
that is the only way for you.

U r right abt e part where if I dun learn to trust again finding a new partner won't help.
To forgive is easy but learning how to forget and start trusting again is e hard part.

Intltuk

08-11-2013, 09:57 PM

U r right abt e part where if I dun learn to trust again finding a new partner won't help.
To forgive is easy but learning how to forget and start trusting again is e hard part.

Trust once broken, is hard to earn back....but it's possible.....ur partner needs to dble/triple the effort to earn back the trust. If he doesn't make the effort....then it's obvious he doesn't treasure the relationship. U need to play ur part too and not be suspicious of every little thing....and the only way to do tat is to sit down and discuss the expectations from ea other and agree on terms of engagement.

sammyboyfor

09-11-2013, 08:59 AM

Probably u r right. My dad tells me that too. Time to listen to daddy.

That's because your daddy is a naughty boy too. :p

Fornicators

09-11-2013, 10:16 PM

Hi TS

There are many more things to do then doubting and checking.
Frequent doubting n checking is very time wasting and tiring. If partner cannot be trusted should consider break up and move on.

desireme88

10-11-2013, 03:29 AM

Trust once broken, is hard to earn back....but it's possible.....ur partner needs to dble/triple the effort to earn back the trust. If he doesn't make the effort....then it's obvious he doesn't treasure the relationship. U need to play ur part too and not be suspicious of every little thing....and the only way to do tat is to sit down and discuss the expectations from ea other and agree on terms of engagement.

That's a good advice. Easier said than done. BUT trying. N trying to lose my memory.

desireme88

10-11-2013, 03:32 AM

Hi TS

There are many more things to do then doubting and checking.
Frequent doubting n checking is very time wasting and tiring. If partner cannot be trusted should consider break up and move on.

Yes I agree with wad u say. It is time wasting and tiring but of cos is bu she de to leave then started this thread. But as for now still trying to give him the benefit of doubt.

Intltuk

10-11-2013, 04:21 PM

That's a good advice. Easier said than done. BUT trying. N trying to lose my memory.

Yup, the hard part is always the action part. If both of u believe the relationship is worth saving, then 50% of the battle is won....the other 50% will take a lot of effort as both of u are re-establishing the trust tat was broken. It takes 2 hands to clap; one to earn the trust, the other, to give a chance for the trust to be earn.

Btw, u will never lose the memory......u just learn to accept it as part of history and move on.....like a saying goes, ` U cannot change wat has happen, u can ruin the present/future by dwelling on the past'

desireme88

11-11-2013, 01:03 AM

Yup, the hard part is always the action part. If both of u believe the relationship is worth saving, then 50% of the battle is won....the other 50% will take a lot of effort as both of u are re-establishing the trust tat was broken. It takes 2 hands to clap; one to earn the trust, the other, to give a chance for the trust to be earn.

Btw, u will never lose the memory......u just learn to accept it as part of history and move on.....like a saying goes, ` U cannot change wat has happen, u can ruin the present/future by dwelling on the past'

Very very true everything tt u said. Sigh... Zhuo ren Hao nan...

Tripang

11-11-2013, 05:58 AM

You don't. Cheaters cheat, and always will. Find another one.

prettymannequin

11-11-2013, 09:57 AM

Trust is not for you to give, but for him to earn.

Let him show you how he can make you trust him again. But if he doesn't/ refuses, then he's better off not existing in your life ya.

Intltuk

11-11-2013, 02:18 PM

Very very true everything tt u said. Sigh... Zhuo ren Hao nan...

Lolz.....remember there is always two sides to a coin. U've enjoyed good times and happy memories....now u're facing a hump in tat relationship. The question is, is tat hump so big both of u cannot overcome it? :D.

Dòngwù yěyǒu zìjǐ de kùnnán :D

desireme88

12-11-2013, 09:16 PM

You don't. Cheaters cheat, and always will. Find another one.

Then like tt no need get married alr cos most guys cheat.

desireme88

12-11-2013, 09:17 PM

Trust is not for you to give, but for him to earn.

Let him show you how he can make you trust him again. But if he doesn't/ refuses, then he's better off not existing in your life ya.

Yup. U r right!

desireme88

12-11-2013, 09:19 PM

Lolz.....remember there is always two sides to a coin. U've enjoyed good times and happy memories....now u're facing a hump in tat relationship. The question is, is tat hump so big both of u cannot overcome it? :D.

Dòngwù yěyǒu zìjǐ de kùnnán :D

Sometimes it's not entirely abt e hump or wad lo. But it's more of at e end is it gonna be worth it. I tink I wanna go fortune teller n ask if I will end up with him in a happy marriage. If answer is a no, then now break off USA. Mai waste time n energy Liao.

Gd idea hor??? Hah!

NetRodent

13-11-2013, 06:25 AM

Trust is like an eraser it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.

Trust is like a paper, once it's crumpled. It can't be perfect again.

Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, forever to repair.

Intltuk

14-11-2013, 12:05 AM

Sometimes it's not entirely abt e hump or wad lo. But it's more of at e end is it gonna be worth it. I tink I wanna go fortune teller n ask if I will end up with him in a happy marriage. If answer is a no, then now break off USA. Mai waste time n energy Liao.

Gd idea hor??? Hah!
Lolz.....u don't trust him but u trust a fortune teller.....look around.... a lot of fortune tellers around here :D.

sgjoey

27-11-2013, 09:33 PM

The root cause of unhappiness between many couples today is the cultural paradigm of faithfulness. It is always going to be a problem because it is natural for many humans (men as well as women) to crave for sexual variety. Like it or not, it is part of our human and animal nature. Our closest ape relatives -- none of them are monogamous. And if you want more proof, you need look no further than the popularity of this forum. Isn't it so bloody obvious?

How did this cultural paradigm become such a dominant part of our psyche? It is probably due to the influence of religion. According to some scholars, the invention of agriculture, leading to the idea of ownership of land, and subsequently our spouses, must also bear part of the blame.

The way out for anyone who suspects that their partners are not being faithful is just.... to let go.... and love him or her anyways. Easier said than done of cos because we are all victims of cultural entrapment. So Sammyboy is actually quite correct to advise the TS to continue to love her partner and just accept that her partner is imperfect.

Leek

27-11-2013, 10:41 PM

TS,
I think something is amiss here...Is this a boyfriend girlfriend problem or a married couple issues?

huhwhad

02-03-2014, 01:04 PM

Forgive but don't forget? The damage cannot be undone. Forgiving and getting to trust again is a process and will take a long time, perhaps it'll never be healed, and scars will remain. What's important is how to deal with the emotions, it's probably best to acknowledge them and know it'll take time, and effort from both parties.

IAmAwesome

02-03-2014, 03:20 PM

The root cause of unhappiness between many couples today is the cultural
paradigm of faithfulness

I think nowadays this is one of the most major/common issues around that
causes unhappiness

Ken79

02-03-2014, 03:43 PM

Dear TS, i understand your anxieties but u need to understand this also, to trust a person in a relationship; is like trusting trusting a person at work.
You wont like your boss or superior to keep looking over your shoulder or check on your progress every 15 mins, micro managing everything.

Just let things go naturally as it should be, time will tell n prove if that person is trustworthy or not.
If the person is not, all the control is not going to make them any better.
If the person is worthy, all your actions will hurt them a lot and force them to leave u.

Wish u all the best.

Stanisslav

03-03-2014, 04:08 PM

Just let things go naturally as it should be, time will
tell n prove if that person is trustworthy or not.

This is definately true indeed

wa81

04-03-2014, 05:37 AM

Hi TS, I had written my story here and its really not csb. What I learnt from this experience. Trust and respect are to be earned, not given. Its human to err, if not he/she will not be human.
Its how you want it to be, how you want to be happy. Some people are willing to carry on in an abusive relationship whereby they are actually happy to be, 一个愿打，一个愿挨。
Its all in your mind. I know my wife and the other guy are still together but I chose to carry on the marriage. Partially because of my gal, but of course, partially I am still happy being with her and she had not the intention to call it off yet. For as long you put your mind to it, to trust, to forgive or to forget, thing will just run its course. Enjoy the process, if there is no longer any laughter you can share with your significant other, it may just be time to call it a day. If you feel that he is the one you still want to share your sorrows and laughter with, trust him blindly, and forgive his sins, for love is blind. But on the hindsight, prepare for the worse like money-wise, emotionally, and definately health...

hamsapkwai

04-03-2014, 08:45 AM

put a fish in front of a cat , if the fish is still there after a minute, then let your trust be restored . :p

Kimchi1001

04-03-2014, 03:14 PM

Trust is like a piece of glass, once it's broken you can never restore it 100%.If you love the person and want to give your relationship another try, you both have to put your best effort in rebuilding the trust. Your partner has to convince you through words and actions. You have to forgive and forget and remind yourself not to be paranoid. Paranoia will not be good for you and the relationship that you are trying to put back together.