Trust

[sluttymistress]

Is trust given or earned?

No trolls please. Only serious replies. Thanks! :)

[TonyStarkMK8]

It all depends on individuals? For me, I trust until proven unworthy.

Anyway, no offense but no head no tail, only 1 very general question, how is this suppose to be "Matters of the Heart? Not flaming, just wanna know more details! :)

[sluttymistress]

No worries. A general question it is. Just wanted more opinions abt this. Have i posted in the wrong section? :)

[jimboi]

full trust is earned, not given.

when you do not know a person, you will only put in a certain amount of trust in good faith.

once you get to know the person, the person will prove either worthy or unworthy of your full trust.

for me, there is always that 1% i reserved even though i have known that person inside out. ;)

[AmericanExpress]

thread careful. what the eye doesn't see, the heart does not grieve over ;)

[lostsheepboy]

Trust, like respect is earned, not demanded.

[queeniegal]

I judged the person based on feeling de if just knew the person my feeling say can be trusted I will give 100 percent

If feeling say cannot be trusted, that person won't know much abt me wahahaha

But if the person did sometime lost my trust then I won't talk to that person anymore lo - usually must be very big issues ba

[sluttymistress]

Thank you guys and gals for your opinion. No one is wrong or right in this discussion. I get different opinions from different pple all the time when I bring up this subject so it's great to hear where everyone is coming from. Appreciate it much! :)

[by73]

In d starting phase, out of basic respect, i'll give d benefit of doubt but not really trust cos i feel it's too naive n gullible to go in defenceless. It's only through further n deeper interactions in which i'll judge if a person is trustworthy or not. As d Chinese saying goes, 路遥知马力, 日久见人心。

[Meow^^]

I guess it's all depends on how rational you are at the beginning. If you are those rational type, then, it's earn trust. If you are those emotional type, then it's given. :p

[Icecreamsoda]

Earned. It's one of those things that shouldn't be given bcos it gets taken for granted way too easily :(

[BiRd13]

In my POV...
Trust is to be earn and not by giving...

I earn the trust from the people around me...
Of course there are times that no matter what you do/did, the person will still not trust you.

For such, I couldn't care much... Just be myself :)

[pitabooom]

Trust is to be given but not blind unquestioning trust.

[RAMS75]

TRUST is a fragile thing. Easy to break, Easy to lose and one of the hardest things to ever get back.

[sluttymistress]

Thanks guys! Keep it coming! Appreciate much! :)

[sane]

No expectation = no disappointment, dont use trust as an excuse to pick on nitty witty issues causing pain and misery.

Unless there's concrete evidences or being caught red handed, being constantly suspicious will only make life miserable n ruin the relationship.

If the relationship is turning stale, both parties have to put in effort or just call it quits. Be direct.

Just be straightforward, being petty, unreasonable or quarrelsome will only make things worse :)

Just my 2cents..

[PPGirl]

I have 1 doubt.
Will u place your trust on someone who u have known for years or rather someone who is deary to u..e.g. your bf or gf whom u have just know maybe a few wks or months?

*sorry to hijack*

[sane]

I have 1 doubt.
Will u place your trust on someone who u have known for years or rather someone who is deary to u..e.g. your bf or gf whom u have just know maybe a few wks or months?

*sorry to hijack*

Actually if for me, I believe there might be misunderstanding somewhere hence best to remain neutral till evidence/proof comes in.

[PPGirl]

Actually if for me, I believe there might be misunderstanding somewhere hence best to remain neutral till evidence/proof comes in.

Ok thks for advice.
If 1 party insist u r the one betray her or his trust n yet not able to find any proof.
Is there any more things that need explanation?

What i feel is when there is no more trust means no matter how long the relationship is does not matter anymore.

[sane]

Ok thks for advice.
If 1 party insist u r the one betray her or his trust n yet not able to find any proof.
Is there any more things that need explanation?

What i feel is when there is no more trust means no matter how long the relationship is does not matter anymore.

hehe not advise la, just 2cents ..

No proof = no talk

Just draw the line there because it's futile to talk too much too, will only further strained the r/s, friendship further... What's the point to win little thing but lose the big thing.

Actually I feel if 路要走的远，心胸要宽容 。。 If everyday quarrel, pick on nitty issues, have trust/no trust also very hard to be together.

世上最难受是和小气鬼生活在一起，事事都不爽，处处找麻烦 。。

[DYLM]

Trust is always given initially but it gets discounted or rewarded by actions of approval or deducted by deeds of wrongs. IF trust is discounted till nil, better end the relationship.

[sluttymistress]

well said everyone! Your opinions are much appreciated! :)

[sluttymistress]

I have 1 doubt.
Will u place your trust on someone who u have known for years or rather someone who is deary to u..e.g. your bf or gf whom u have just know maybe a few wks or months?

*sorry to hijack*

Ok thks for advice.
If 1 party insist u r the one betray her or his trust n yet not able to find any proof.
Is there any more things that need explanation?

What i feel is when there is no more trust means no matter how long the relationship is does not matter anymore.

no worries about the hijacking.

if there's no proof, it's simply baseless to argue. what arouses suspicion?correct me if i'm wrong. most of the time, insecurity.

[mustachio]

You prove you are trustworthy and earn the trust. Remember it's like a book. May take ages to write but a few minutes to burn.

[PPGirl]

no worries about the hijacking.

if there's no proof, it's simply baseless to argue. what arouses suspicion?correct me if i'm wrong. most of the time, insecurity.

Thks for the advice too. :)
I also feel it is pointless to argue.
what arouse suspicious? maybe all along the trust wasnt strong enough to prove this person is trustworthy or due to other factors ?

My bf say trust is like a onion. I ask him to explain more to u soon. ;)

[late bloomer]

Is trust given or earned?

No trolls please. Only serious replies. Thanks! :)

It's late and I can't sleep and I'm slightly drunk so pls forgive me
if I don't make much sense in this long reply.

Trust, IMHO, is neither given or earned.

Trust is a word that doesn't exist for people who live in the present.

Pls let me explain.

There are three kinds of people in this world.

People who live in the past, those who live in the present, and ... yes you've guessed it ... future.

Those who are bound by the chains of the past and are too hurt to forgive those who hurt them will be unable to move on. They want to trust, but are no longer able to bring themselves to do so.

Those who live in the future are eternally optimistic. They want to trust that things will improve. No matter how disasters befall them, they get back up and fight back. Many others betray their trust but they still choose to trust. If they are lucky and trust the right people, maybe they will be happy. Sometimes they succeed and live happily ever after. Other times they fall back down only to get up again. These are children of motivational psychology, and though I have much respect for a few of these motivational speakers, I tend to think that they over-promise and under-deliver. Life is not a bed of roses. One may work hard for all his life and still fail miserably and face a tragic fate.

Those who live in the present are aware of this quote by C. S Lewis:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact
you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements.
Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

LOVE, IMHO, is like trust.
Once you give it to someone,
you have to prepare yourself for the possibility of being hurt.
The more you love and trust someone,
the more hurt you will feel if that love and trust is betrayed.

Those who live in the present transcend the false perception of space-time continuum
and therefore will be less susceptible to the illusory concept of love and trust.

A Personal Example.

Over a period of 2 years, I lent 2 of my chionging bros money. The first bro borrowed $400. Then he returned but asked for another $400, justifying his credibility by saying that he had returned the previous amount as promised. He did not return me the second $400 and just ran away. Did not respond to my sms, lie to me and say he overseas etc etc. I lost touch with him since.

Second bro same pattern. Borrow small amount initially. $100. Then $200. On both occasions, he returned my money. But third time, he finally confessed. He was deeply in debt, needed $200 urgently. And subsequently borrowed another $300 due to gambling. This happened some time ago so maybe figures not accurate but around there.

To be fair to him, my second bro did try to return small amount. I had to harass him for one entire week and finally he promised to return me $100 at Chinese restaurant. But when I met him, he said he could only return me $50 due to harassment by loan sharks. I accepted his $50 with a smile, told him I at least appreciated his sincerity and treated him to the meal at the Chinese restaurant. To do him justice he fetched me back even though I could have taken a bus back on my own.

I stopped asking for my money back ever since. I still see him once a while when we chiong together at dirty KTV and I have never brought up the topic of returning me money. But the strange thing is, he has not brought up the topic either. He did promise me that he will return me my money as soon as he is able. Also, do remember that dirty KTV is not cheap. He got money to chiong but no money to return me? WTF? :confused:

I learnt a lesson from these 2 experiences. Once you give something away, once the money or love is handed over to the person, you have to be prepared that it will not be returned.

I know I may sound cheem at the beginning, but sometimes it takes very harsh reality
for one to understand something profound.

To cut the entire fucking long story short, it's nobody's fault but mine.
I'm a fucking moron for lending them money.

Honestly, why should I be so petty as to fuss over almost one thousand dollars in total? Why am I even typing this in sammyboy forum? It prob means I'm also narrow-minded and not as generous as I want to be. My 2 bros prob had their own difficulties. Moreover, horny guys will be horny guys. You think they will give up on one dirty KTV session just to return you that fucking few hundred dollars?

So now, I don't look to my past because it is already too bitter to ponder about. I don't look to the future and expect these so-called friends to return me because the expectation will only hurt me more. I forgive their debts. I live in the present. Life itself is a gamble and I place my bet. I win, I rejoice. I lose, I mourn. I break even, I accept. I live, I fuck, I die. :o

[stillgottheblue]

Trust cannot be earned or given.Trust is a chemistry between 2 or more persons giving/ extending at any given amount of time, sometimes more, sometimes less.

It's a chemistry because we, humans are very changeable and our moods float from one dimension to another. When we really put trust on someone, we don't expect any return. We just give and given till it hurts when the trust is not appreciated. To trust, we must have love. We must love the person (men/women) enough to trust. Trust and love go hand in hand and they are forever bothering us.

Leave these behind, let go and fly away.

[Meow^^]

Thks for the advice too. :)
I also feel it is pointless to argue.
what arouse suspicious? maybe all along the trust wasnt strong enough to prove this person is trustworthy or due to other factors ?

My bf say trust is like a onion. I ask him to explain more to u soon. ;)

Gal...the deeper you peel, the more you "Cry"....meaning the more you know about the true the more heart break you willl be....:p

As for the trust between a long term friendship vs someone you love, it's quite subjectives. It's in the end how clear you can draw the line...the trust between someone you love and a long term friendship is always different.

[sluttymistress]

thanks everyone! this thread is getting more interesting! very different perspectives! :)

[Wintermelontea]

Actually I feel if 路要走的远，心胸要宽容 。。 If everyday quarrel, pick on nitty issues, have trust/no trust also very hard to be together.

世上最难受是和小气鬼生活在一起，事事都不爽，处处找麻烦 。。

My kind of ideal gf

[Wintermelontea]

For me, trust is earned. :)

[zanketon]

As for me, i feel trust is to be both given and earned. If it is not given by you, then it would have been hard for other party to earn it as well. :)

[BelleDeJour]

As for me, i feel trust is to be both given and earned. If it is not given by you, then it would have been hard for other party to earn it as well. :)


Well said.. I like your style. I believe so too.

TS,your thread is interesting indeed. :)

[alphonse]

For myself, trust comes when I understand the ugly prison of doubt. It's not something transactional.

A story for you

One day it happened that a man came to me who was really in a mess, very miserable. And he said, 'I will commit suicide.'

I said, 'Why?'

He said, 'I trusted my wife and she has betrayed me. I had trusted her absolutely and she has been in love with some other man. And I never came to know about it until just now! I have got hold of a few letters. So then I inquired, and then I insisted, and now she has confessed that she has been in love all the time. I will commit suicide' he said.

I said, 'You say you trusted her?'

He said, 'Yes, I trusted her and she betrayed me.'

What do you mean by trust?—some wrong notion about trust; trust also seems to be political.

'You trusted her so that she would not betray you. Your trust was a trick. Now you want to make her feel guilty. This is not trust.'

He was very puzzled. He said, 'What do you mean by trust then, if this is not trust? I trusted her unconditionally.'

I said, 'If I were in your place, trust would mean to me that I trust her freedom, and I trust her intelligence, and I trust her loving capacity. If she falls in love with somebody else, I trust that too. She is intelligent, she can choose. She is free, she can love. I trust her understanding.'

What do you mean by trust? When you trust her intelligence, her understanding, her awareness, you trust it. And if she finds that she would like to move into love with somebody else, it is perfectly okay.

Even if you feel pain, that is your problem; it is not her problem. And if you feel pain, that is not because of love, that is because of jealousy.

What kind of trust is this, that you say it has been betrayed?
My understanding of trust is that it cannot be betrayed. By its very nature, by its very definition, trust cannot be betrayed. It is impossible to betray trust. If trust can be betrayed, then it is not trust. Think over it.

If I love a woman, I trust her intelligence infinitely.

And, if in some moments she wants to be loving to somebody else, it is perfectly good. I have always trusted her intelligence. She must be feeling like that. She is free. She is not my other half, she is independent. And when two persons are independent individuals, only then there is love.

Love can flow only between two freedoms.

[fouredz]

There's a fade grey line between 100%Trust & close one eye for lady on men.

[xenocacia]

Academically, trust by definition must be given. The idea of "earning trust" is simply building up a history of positive behavior, which allows other parties to foresee a higher likelihood of such behavior being continued. Based on that likelihood, other parties are then confident in "giving" trust.

In short, you can "earn trust" all you want, but it must be the other person who takes that leap of faith and put trust and confidence in the unknown. All you can do is make it easy or make it difficult.

P.S. sorry if you think I speak like a textbook, but trust me when I say I am not faking it. ;)

[sam_chee]

is earn not to give :)

[Halokitty]

2 mi trust is bit by bit earn back.
2 mi trust by give come fast go fast :)

[sluttymistress]

Thanks everyone! Please keep your opinions coming! :)

[Happyguy801]

Trust is given by others and earned.... not just by one who Keep saying ...

[tryherout]

On certain degree of matters, trust has been given. However when it comes to more complex ones, it has to be earned over time.

[Refylk]

Definitely earned.

[Classbonk]

I would give 50/50 ,50% is given and she will have to earn the other 50%.

用人不疑，疑人不用

[fouredz]

can i say it as:
sometime when u say trust, is it really trust or you cant be bother to certain % and then you can actually will live even without him. so let him/her to do wat he/she wants to do?

i trusted my wife but when things become unusual den i also worried myself.

[tenggiri]

well said everyone! Your opinions are much appreciated! :)

Cannot anyhow trust people lor. You heard about the Wolf in sheep's
clothing?

[justdifferent]

hello sluttymistress!

you speak of trust as though it's black or white.. but it's grey.

the answer is that it is a combination of both. ever met someone whom you felt you could believe in, even though you haven't known them for a long time? that's a kind of trust too - not that you would place your life or any important matters in his or her hands, but don't you think that this sort of instinctive trust actually makes quite a bit of sense? after all, intuition is an uncannily accurate tool.

and then we move ahead to the other part - that is earned. it's earned through the various interactions with you.. the promises that they've kept, the lengths they went for you, the times they din't let you down, and the sacrifices they've made for you.

trust is earned and given.. in the form of feelings and actions.

[lustcrave]

Trust is both given and earned.

[PPGirl]

Sharing this quote i saw on facebook
"Trust is like a eraser & it gets smaller after each mistake".

[mentholfresh]

Read somewhere in the web, I feel for the below:

Never trust someone who lies to you.
Never lie to someone who trusts you.

People who truly deserve your trust are those who will never have the courage to lie to you.

"I love you" is far different from "I trust you"

[see see only]

Interesting topic :D

Basic "face" is usually given based on impression, look and hearsay, for unfamilar ppl.

Slowly it progress to trust if the above factors maintained positive :rolleyes:

More or total trust is usually earned through time and incidents.


However the degree of trust are usually subjective with individual :o And usually to most ppl ... it is based on the degree of "like" or chemistry involved :D

[porscheclub]

Trust is putting faith in your judgement. Judgement comes from a collection of experience, facts & rumours mixed with emotions.

It's grey until proven.

[xpinkyx-moment]

Trust is earn ~ slowly accumulate de ~
but once trust is gone , need to slowly to rebuild back and it takes times ~

But when a person lost trust , doesn't mean that person already sentence u ~ so keep trying that's what I feel ~

[angelheart66]

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough~

[Beasty]

Very simple. You order char kuay teow from the hawker whom you never ordered from him before. Can you trust that he never put siao in your char kuay teow before you eat it?

So after eating it, your stomach no problem, no lao sai. You trust the uncle so the next day you continue to buy char kuay teow from him. But can you 100% confirm he never put siao into his char kuay teow and sell to customers?

Now the char kuay teow on your plate got siao or no siao? You can only trust your own judgement...