Sick and tired of being a Loser

[SushiJiro]

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

[mario21]

Don't give up, keep doing and u can make it. Maybe 缘分 not yet arrive. Cheers

[DocD]

I'm not the religious sort but girls especially are social creatures when it comes to relationship. If you join church or some kind of dance activity club lidat would be hard to stay single for long.

Here's a secret: When you do see a girl you like, try to find something wrong like teeth crooked, annoying voice. Lidat you will be more confident and avoid putting the girl on a pedestal.

[flowbow]

Don't give up... The right one will come along someday ;)

[mackewell]

Bro, i never had a girlfriend for the past 27 yrs(dont count FL/WL). U are better off than me leh lol any freaking time!

But then, i never give up. U shld not too. No girl will like a guy who is not optimistic. Focus on your career , go out socialize and learn to take up more hobbies. I so stiff and straight forward, i think you are not like me , so sure can find one in the near future lol.....

[Blast88]

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

TS,
Apparently, there might be some things wrong about you, is it your attitude, behaviour or others factors causing people keeping distance from you:rolleyes:Pl do a self -reflection.:)

[greenbeans]

Bro! What's wrong with being single!? How I wish I was... Just think of the freedom you have! You can go cheong any night of the week without someone nagging at you for going out too much, drinking too much... sigh...

[Clemend]

Its alway take times to meet the Miss Right. Nothing come easy :p

[Gump]

Don't worry bro. Where there is life, there is hope. Never give up!

[wonderbeezz]

If you give up now, you will have nothing for the rest of your life. If you don't give up, you will eventually meet the person who will share her life with you. It's just a matter of time. Perseverance will win the day!

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?

1 thing is certain. You are still alive and kicking ;)

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.

But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

No offense. IMHO sometime when a person try too hard, he does not realize that he make the girls feel very uncomfortable and warning sign of a desperatdo. Just go with the flow ;)

I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.


What's there to be ashamed of your life? You should only be ashamed of yourself if you give up now and .......................below..........You already know the truth about life :D

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=8341398&postcount=7

Totally agreed. Life is full of ups and downs. As the saying goes "留得青山在". A personal view after being through my fair shair of life experiences is, as important as money and relationships are, health is probably your biggest gift in life. Without with, anything else is meaningless.
As long as you are still alive and breathing, i guess there is always a chance of turning things around....

Good luck! ;)

[Docow1000]

bro TS, hang in there and keep trying. Got try, got chance. Once you stop trying, then there's no chance.

Sometimes the timing isn't right or the person just no affinity. Since you had several relationships before, you will know when the right one comes along lor..

[wayne23416]

Bro,

I honestly don't know what is wrong..but thinking abt your problem, I realized that I ha the same problem couple of years back too!!! Yea..staying single for a year or two is the worse feeling in the world..let alone 27(I feel u bro)..but I realized what went wrong..

I lacked a social life...I have no friends (none locally)..and one of the brothers here said is true!! Ladies r social creatures...they wanna b seen at be-seen places like Zouk, Butter Factory with an accessory(a tall strapping guy or a guy who can make her laugh)..so the next time u text a lady or bring her out, show her the wealth of knowledge u know abt things..it can be random things..spark her curiosity..get her to want to see u again...

The easiest thing I do is ask "how's your day?" Some would say "like that lor" probe and ask more...from there, u can talk the same language with her...or if she automatically tells u, u can pick up points from her day which seem more interesting....

Oh...and if u got some balls of steel, ask to hold her hand and show her a cute little magic trick..or jus hold her hand and compliment her..


I'm no Love Doctor..I'm just another brother sharing...

[SushiJiro]

Thanks for all the advices and encouragments given by bros here... after all the setbacks both in relationships and life in general, I think i really need to see some positivity!

I wish there was a simple solution to my problems, but i know sadly in reality there wouldn't be.

I have tried many things- from improving my appearance, seeking advice from female friends/colleagues to changing my approach towards dating.

But the outcome of each encounter seems to be largely the same so far- the other party takes a long time to reply, shows little interest and the interaction usually ends within a few weeks.

[SushiJiro]

What's there to be ashamed of your life? You should only be ashamed of yourself if you give up now and .......................below..........You already know the truth about life :D

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=8341398&postcount=7

Good luck! ;)

Totally agreed... thanks for the encouragement bro

[SushiJiro]

bro TS, hang in there and keep trying. Got try, got chance. Once you stop trying, then there's no chance.

Sometimes the timing isn't right or the person just no affinity. Since you had several relationships before, you will know when the right one comes along lor..

In the opinions of bros here, is it really just a numbers' game? Since i cannot pinpoint exactly what is wrong, i should just continue trying?

[SushiJiro]

Bro,

I honestly don't know what is wrong..but thinking abt your problem, I realized that I ha the same problem couple of years back too!!! Yea..staying single for a year or two is the worse feeling in the world..let alone 27(I feel u bro)..but I realized what went wrong..

I'm no Love Doctor..I'm just another brother sharing...

Bro, it's been a honour and inspiration to know you here :)

I think in life, sometimes there is no reasons why certain things happpen. It's like why some people are born rich and good looking, whilst some people struggle to make ends meet.

I just hope that with my tiny effort i can one day find a little happiness for my own world.

[MonteCristo]

Man proposes, but heaven disposes. Failure does not, and should not be equated to being a loser. It is just life's "not-so-gentle" way of teaching. ;)

I do not get the point why you should be ashamed of how your life is "stuck in a rut". You tried and failed, but that's about it, right?

Here's a humble 1 cent from a nobody; you may wish to reflect on what is it inside you that you desire from a relationship. Perhaps this may help you.

Good luck on your endeavors!:)

[50HuesOfBlue]

Agree with the phrase "Man proposes, heaven disposes". Sometimes its a matter of luck and timing.

[Ladyrain]

I think the trick isn't to look for it. Just enjoy your life, have hobbies.. And then love will find you. :)

[alan0338]

In the opinions of bros here, is it really just a numbers' game? Since i cannot pinpoint exactly what is wrong, i should just continue trying?

maybe u can consider changing ur target from girls to guys ... :D :D

seriously, should just relax la and wait patiently, better off not meeting the right one yet rather than meeting a bunch of wrong ones tio bo ... :rolleyes:

[Meow^^]

Totally agreed... thanks for the encouragement bro

Bro, you are not alone. There are people who is in the same boat as you.

Don't feel dejected, life isn't that bad. As you are still better off compare with those people who are worring their meals everyday. Being single doesn't mean is the end of the world. Look at this way, having a gf for the sake of having or having a gf who you want to be with till you get marry and spend good quality life style till the end.

Everyone will have their fare share of "dry" period just like a striker having goal draught. You will have your dry period over soon. All you need is to be patient. Let's natural run it course. The more you worry, the more negative it can be.

Hope for you all the best :D

[DegenerationX]

Everyone will have their fare share of "dry" period just like a striker having goal draught.

Very well said.

[jj_jj]

... Since i cannot pinpoint exactly what is wrong, i should just continue trying?

Bro,
Get your close friends' opinions. True friends will speak the truth.
Turn any weakness, if any, into strength. It may not even b a weakness but there's always room for improvement, even for the strong points :)

[staminadick]

hee hee maybe it is time for you to enjoy life w/o GF for a while.
Go adventure sport etc etc or Go chiong with Bros??

After that then get GF

[hunter12]

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

bro, hmmm because of u saw ur ex gf somehow have a gd life after u two broke off (or either who leave who) and it spike the inner feeling of u? cause u to feel really down..? why torture yourself like that.... at least u r not bad either.. u r not into drug, become alcholic, did not lose your job or whatever... healthy n have a job to meet day end is good enough, is alot better than alot of ppl.... am serious.. :)

i dunnoe how hard and how u try... but dose it occur to u that may be u try too hard and try too many times....? sometime is gd to take a step backward and enjoy life.... go on a single back pack trip to another country, explore it.. it will widen your eyesight..

stop the thought that no girls want to be your friend / gf or whatever.... n feel damm low about it... live for your own only bro... apart from 'girl', what is your other interests, i sure u have it, right?

another thing is that u got this 'craving', u form a very beautiful pic in your head... nice, understand, caring gf, enjoy life with her and thereafter happy and forever, but.. but but.... when ur 'craving' of having a gf.. alot of problems will follow too (might not b happen thout) gf want this want that want ur times... unreasonable, flirt around, broke ur heart etc etc... and i can bet u.. if u ask those married bros, at least i believed a 80% or even 90%will guarantee with stamp plus chop that they will not married if given a 2nd chance again... :D so, is not a very bad thing not to have gf / wife... :p

wish u luck in 2013 nevertheless.. :)

[SushiJiro]

bro, hmmm because of u saw ur ex gf somehow have a gd life after u two broke off (or either who leave who) and it spike the inner feeling of u? cause u to feel really down..? why torture yourself like that.... at least u r not bad either.. u r not into drug, become alcholic, did not lose your job or whatever... healthy n have a job to meet day end is good enough, is alot better than alot of ppl.... am serious.. :)

wish u luck in 2013 nevertheless.. :)

Hi bro, thanks for the encouragement!

Actually, the "loser" feeling has less to do with my ex than my damaged ego after a series of continual disappointing outcomes. After my last relationship ended, i expected that it will take me some time to begin a new relationship- maybe 6 months, or 9 months or even a year? But little did i expect that nearly 3 years has gone by and i find myself slowly becoming a joke... sending sms that are not replied, prepared myself eagerly for a dinner only to have it cancelled last minute by the other party.

I guess it is one issue when a person feels that he/she is unable to meet the right person. For me, i think i have not even reached that stage yet... I am simply rejected by nearly everyone whom I am interested in or keen to know better.
I don't know what has changed in me. Like i mentioned, i had several decent relationships before so i assume i am not awfully grosteque or socially unacceptable.

Actually after posting my story and reading the feedbacks here, it has also made me think deeper about my problem. As much as it is about finding love, a large part of my pain is how awful it feels to be rejected and unwanted...

[SushiJiro]

My heartfelt appreciation to every single bro who have gave me advice here...this is not a problem i would feel comfortable sharing with my close friends, so after pouring out my heart here, it feels like i have just had a talk about my problems with my friends :o

[bmirror]

girls can smell desperation.. and desperation is not attractive no matter how good looking or eligible you are.

girls can smell fear.. your fearing of being rejected, your fearing of saying the wrong things or doing the wrong things, similarly fear is not attractive.

you should build up your confidence again by going out with girls that you dont really like as GFs, you never know, anything can happen ;)

besides that, keep yourself happy, exercise, make money, try new things.. these will improve you in many ways and build up your confidence.

just my 2 cents worth..

[natsuki]

No one will look down on u as a loser, unless you ownself feel you are... Where are your confidence??

Hmmm... Think you should try knowing people more nearer to you, as in frequency...
Different frequecy, most of the time, leads to slow/no replies... ^^

[50HuesOfBlue]

Definitely agree on the frequency part. Have to find someone that thinks the same way as you do, cuz differences in thinking are often the primary cause of breakups.

[VenusianArtist]

Take it easy bro. The population is set to grow and you'll have more choices / chances.

[LED...]

Like some bros mentioned, approach with a open heart and you will succeed easily. If no result, at least its not so hurting!!

Or can try imports from overseas, chances higher:D

[PurpleWing]

Hang in there! Life will get better.. Enjoy being single now.. Be positive..

[JacqueMerlin]

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore. bro, you have no idea how much some bros envy your singlehood. Are you sure you want to join the ranks of those attached?

[Intltuk]

Do u ever think u trying too hard?? Don't focus on getting a GF......just widen ur circle of friends. Don't look at women as potential GF/wife...u're scaring them off :D. Be urself, join more social activities, make more friends.........things will fall into place if they are meant to be..........when u being obsessive...u not being urself...........be cool.......take all friends u make as friends.........when the right person appears...u will know and u will know wat do to.......

[dustzee]

Hi Bro,

My very humble opinion, I suspect I've been through what you are facing, and I think this is what we call the "SMS problem"

1) Stop chasing girls with SMSes. Ask them out. Call them. Have fun. If they reject once, ask another time. If they are really not keen, move on.

2) Secondly, don't be too bothered over SMS replies. Get your life busy with things that enrich your life so you won't be too bothered about replies.

3) you can only establish a rapport over facetime (face to face). So try to meet the girl face to face if possible. It is generally difficult to build anything over SMSes.

4) SMSes are really bad indicators of how a girl might respond to your advances. It filters away the important non-verbal ques in most communication.

Bro, hope this helps you if you are really going through what I experienced before. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, I have friends who are very eligible but also have this SMS problem. I believe the symptom is there if you're talking about feeling down due to SMSes.

[SushiJiro]

Hi Bro,

My very humble opinion, I suspect I've been through what you are facing, and I think this is what we call the "SMS problem"

Bro, hope this helps you if you are really going through what I experienced before. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, I have friends who are very eligible but also have this SMS problem. I believe the symptom is there if you're talking about feeling down due to SMSes.

Hi bro, thanks for the detailed breakdown on my problem. I agree that sms is not a good indicative tool. I usually see it as a channel to build some rapport, before asking the gal out. It seems to work well for some of my friends, but not for me. But well, nothing seems to work for me.

But given the following scenario: after meeting a gal for the first time (say a mutual friend introduced us over dinner), and i am interested in knowing her better, the most likely channel will be sending sms right? I guess it seems less abrupt than calling her after the 1st meeting to ask her out right?

Anyway, i seldom reach that point cos usually after the initial few sms, her replies will dwindle off. And even when i asked specifically for a day to ask her out, the reply will be "sorry i can't make it on the day".
I assume if the gal is at least remotely interested, she might offer an alternative day or the very least continue to keep in contact. But usually in my case, the reply i get is a straight no and absolutely no contact after that.

Actually without having to ask anyone here, i should know the answer myself isn't it :rolleyes:

[SushiJiro]

bro, you have no idea how much some bros envy your singlehood. Are you sure you want to join the ranks of those attached?

Yes bro, i think that both being attached and single has its merits and disadvantages. Like i mentioned, looking deeper inside, i realised that as much as i would like to have a partner at this point of my life, i acknowledged that it is not a necessity. What deeply pains is the fact that i seemed to be rejected repeatedly... i admit that it is my damaged ego that is hurting.

[Gambit7]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

[dustzee]

Hi bro, thanks for the detailed breakdown on my problem. I agree that sms is not a good indicative tool. I usually see it as a channel to build some rapport, before asking the gal out. It seems to work well for some of my friends, but not for me. But well, nothing seems to work for me.

But given the following scenario: after meeting a gal for the first time (say a mutual friend introduced us over dinner), and i am interested in knowing her better, the most likely channel will be sending sms right? I guess it seems less abrupt than calling her after the 1st meeting to ask her out right?

Anyway, i seldom reach that point cos usually after the initial few sms, her replies will dwindle off. And even when i asked specifically for a day to ask her out, the reply will be "sorry i can't make it on the day".
I assume if the gal is at least remotely interested, she might offer an alternative day or the very least continue to keep in contact. But usually in my case, the reply i get is a straight no and absolutely no contact after that.

Actually without having to ask anyone here, i should know the answer myself isn't it :rolleyes:

Yes. I think sending SMS first is the most convenient and safest way to do it. However, that's the very early stage. I think you shouldn't feel affected by it as the girl isn't really "rejecting you", she doesn't "know" you yet.

Trying to chase a girl after one meeting is very challenging, especially if u can only text her.
Just an idea: get into social groups that have girls you can meet on regular basis. Do things together. Of course, you also have to choose activities that you are interested in.

[dustzee]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

Bro, I know what u mean. It's like you're trying so hard and she's at the receiving end, yet she is the one who break it up and blame it on you.

[RootAccess]

Have to agree on the SMS part. Those with more than a few exes always advise me to call them instead of SMS-ing them. For one, its very hard to tell what the girl is thinking when you sms.

[CapricornAscend]

My condolences to Gambit7. Hope you find someone who appreciates your efforts.

[LoverSon]

U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?
.

Hi Bro, why not just earn a load of money, than retire to some Well to do asean country, set up a small little business, and let it run by itself. After that, you will have more free time for yourself to find a gf:cool:

Better than having a GF who treats you unfairly after all you had done for her.

Seems to me you pampered your girl too much.

[JacqueMerlin]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

bro, i sympathize your, in my opinion, harrowing experience. Seems like you got yourself a GCP. Ditched you after she found a bigger fish. Good girls stick to you even without iphone or ishit. Don't ask you for money even when she lost hers. And will reject it even when i insisted on transferring her the money. Move on bro... I've been through your circumstances but as I went through more, I grew wiser. You don't need to contribute. Just minimal and let her do the rest. Be gregarious, be undesperate, be a cat, not a dog.

[Meow^^]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

Bro,

All i can say it that you meet the wrong person at the wrong time. I think not every women are not logical thinking. Some do and when they does, they will be more logical than MEN.

To be honest, every human being would want their loves one to be with them as much as possible. But, due to the fact that we need to earn a living like everyone does, we need to work our ass off. So to make sure this isn't become a problem in future, it must be make norm to your partner from the start when you and her decide to get together. In a realstionship, there are alot of unseen culture. Some of this unseen culture can be iron out before even things start. But what is those unseen culture to you mean? You got to prioritize it yourself.

In our love life, there are some many repeated situations just that it was over look by ourself and hence, it make us keep on reapeating the mistakes again and again. But when we come to this love relationship we sometimes just can't be as rational as what we make decisions on a business deal. That's actually make a love realtionship something more difficult to handle. :p

[BVeneta]

Yes totally agree!! Most of us comes from different cultural background
If you dun like her enough to go thru the conflicts stage with her then dun bother pursuing, i once read that to be able to marry your best fren is the luvliest thing that can happen. Its whole life time we r talking about. Infatuation alone is not enough to sustain.
So when u r hots over the girl she should react accordingly?
What about when u guy say that u prefer girls with more preserve and conservative kind of thinking? Have u ever tried understanding and listen when they express their feelings to u??
Alot of men dun realised how chauvinistic they r but they are.
Guys please get over ur past relationship before u wanna get urself into a new one. Dun keep using the same method or same mindset u have on ur failed relationship and bring it to the new one.

[SushiJiro]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it.

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

Bro, i know how it feels. Feelings and gals are basically inexplicable somtimes...

When a gal likes you, a lot of times even when you do not lift a finger, they will somehow stick around you. And no matter how badly you mistreat her - two-time, lie or even hit her, she will find the most ridiculous reason to justify staying with the guy. I am sure we've all known of at least one such example amongst our friends. I have seen countless such examples.

On the other hand, if a gal do not love you, even if you donate your liver to her, she will still find a reason to leave you one day.

I think i've somewhat become a skeptical person- i think it's not worth to pour your heart and effort towards a gal you are chasing. Just approach each dating experience with a light and open heart. And like what you said, only when you meet the gal who would appreciate and treasure you, then you should love her wholeheartedly.

[SushiJiro]

Just minimal and let her do the rest. Be gregarious, be undesperate, be a cat, not a dog.

I have heard this from friends too. That if a gal like you, she will like you. There is no need to put in excessive effort, wear your heart on your sleeve and prove your sincerity to her through tears and sweat.

And the friends who told me these are generally very sucessful in their dating lives.

[queeniegal]

Is meant to be it will be (=

[HorLiSeee]

Be steady. Be confident. Don't be a push over. You WILL be appreciated :D

[chisanaHana]

well, at least you have ex-gf, some people can try their whole lives and never get hitched before

[Happy555]

Take it easy TS, when the time is rite, u will meet the girl wan... Dont be too hard on urself.

[SushiJiro]

Take it easy TS, when the time is rite, u will meet the girl wan... Dont be too hard on urself.

That is what i told myself 3 years ago ... i used to believe that when the time is right, everything will fall into place. But then after being treated like a rejected good time after time in the past 3 years, inevitably i am beginning to doubt will that day where everything fall into place ever come??

But nevertheless, i appreciate all the advice, comments and sharings by bros here.

[Gambit7]

That is what i told myself 3 years ago ... i used to believe that when the time is right, everything will fall into place. But then after being treated like a rejected good time after time in the past 3 years, inevitably i am beginning to doubt will that day where everything fall into place ever come??

But nevertheless, i appreciate all the advice, comments and sharings by bros here.

Seriously, guys once past 30 not married yet will definitely build what we called: "looking-for-gf anxiety". It become a sickness where we tried too hard but just couldnt get any gals because we are too desperate for it. girls got scared, but think about this girls... is it a bad thing for u that we r looking to settle down? change into another perspective, what would happen if someone takes his time chasing u when u were 23, and u guys went into relationship for 3 years and in the end the guy just dun wanna get married with u and dump u?

Sometimes i wonder how come such girls can be that stupid. Love is a process, wooing stage is too fake to be considered as true love. U girls want true love, but do u girls actually know or realise that true love will only happen in the loving or gf/bf or husband/wife stage? If such girls r looking at this post at the moment, u r considered to be damned stupid to think that guys will chase u because he likes u or loves u during the wooing stage.

Now, i'm actually not looking for anything that fall into place over time anymore. Just let things be that way. I dun care too much now even if im single for the rest of my life. Enjoy life till we r dead!!!

[SushiJiro]

Sometimes i wonder how come such girls can be that stupid. Love is a process, wooing stage is too fake to be considered as true love. U girls want true love, but do u girls actually know or realise that true love will only happen in the loving or gf/bf or husband/wife stage? If such girls r looking at this post at the moment, u r considered to be damned stupid to think that guys will chase u because he likes u or loves u during the wooing stage.

Now, i'm actually not looking for anything that fall into place over time anymore. Just let things be that way. I dun care too much now even if im single for the rest of my life. Enjoy life till we r dead!!!

Yes, i frequently hear some of my female friends lamenting why do guys like to lie and cheat- all she wants is "a simple guy who is sweet to her, that's all". And I go like "yeah right?? :rolleyes:" Here i am a simple guy who is willing to be sweet to you, will even work damm hard to provide a good life for you... But will you even take a second look at me?!
I am like the simple guy who's been rejected, taken for granted and treated like a piece of trash a thousand times over.
But then again, maybe their definition of a simple guy is a Robert Pattinson-look alike who drives a sports car, commands a five-figure salary, and yet can be sweet and caring...

[mackewell]

TS, actually this is happening to me too. Just a short intro, I'm 31 now and above average looking guy. I have my own business to do and quite busy of it. Every week i would take flight twice just for business trip. Consider me as single workaholic looking to settle down type of guy. I find it very hard to interact with gals nowadays... Girls need time and process, but I realised I lack the power to woo gals anymore... I tried very hard to show my sincerity and none likes me. Therefore, I really feel it's quite disappointing ya know...

Never once that I mistreated my ex.. I always showered her with whatever I have, she wanna buy bags, I would buy for her, etc, etc.. But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

Bro same thing, learn from lesson. I will say think as LOVE is selfish, dont just blindly give in and see how she react or if she understand u first anot. If she really like you for who you are even though you dont buy all those expensive stuff for her tt u bought for her ex previously, then shes the right one. Then, you start investing on her. U lonely at least you got ex. At 28 yrs old, i never have gf before i sure lonely more than u.

But look on the bright side, do you want to go through a series of casual BGR(lets face it, BGR is very casual and lightly taken by the both sexes nowadays.) or go for a solid yet probably a BGR with more value or something to remember for? If u want go for latter, then cannot rush mah, must wait and see and test water then invest :D.....

[Odin00]

T But because of LDR, we broke up and this happens everytime.. Girls can't be explained logically.. We r working our arse off to earn money for our future, but because I can't meet her on regular basis, she ditched me... It's not like I dun meet her, I try to go and see her whenever I have free time, but she just wants more and more.. Used to be once biweekly, become once a week, now she wanna meet once in 3 days. I have to work man.... When we broke up, I told her hey pls dun break up... Look at what I have done and sacrificed for u over the years, and u know what her reply is? That is normal, everyone treat me so good, u as my bf, have to treat me even better... When I heard this, it really broke my heart... Ur iphone 4 got stolen, I replaced it with Iphone 5, ur money got stolen, i transfered u the money, u said tired, i bring u for overseas holiday, i was the one who always took care of ur car while u r working, i went heaven and hell just to meet u, and u replied me with that sentence? As if i did everything is for nothing? U think i pay all these without working my arse of for it?

Some Girls r very cruel, if she doesnt wanna be with u, she can turn to be a completely different person and tell u things that made u look like a fool.

So think twice, if u guys r meant to be, she would do everything for u and appreciate ur efforts, and u will love her wholeheartedly in return.

You are simply too trusting. Give them what you can afford to lose, let them think they are so smart and winning, then take back 5x what you gave.

[PsyGangnamStyle]

Take it easy TS, when the time is rite, u will
meet the girl wan... Dont be too hard on urself.

Brilliant answer :)

[SushiJiro]

well, at least you have ex-gf, some people can try their whole lives and never get hitched before

My ex-girlfriend is really a wonderful gal and has, in my opinion, everything a guy can ask for in a GF.
She is pretty & independent. She takes care of my every needs- she will automatically massage my shoulders and neck whenever she sees me looking tired from work. She will willingingly cook for me in the middle of the night when i say i am hungry. She remembers every details of my likes and dislikes, and always surprise me by secretly buying something which i casually mention to her that i like.

So i wonder if what i am today is a punishment from heaven for giving up such a wonderful gal.

Every gal i have met since breaking up either behaves like i have leprosy when i try to ask them out, or for the rare ones who seemed to be interested in me, it turned out they are just blatantly trying to rip me off.

[devilcat]

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

[Vectra]

Is meant to be it will be (=

Like!:cool:

[Summerhillt]

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

Awesome story to share bro. Yea most of us are neither here or there but than if we constantly upgrade ourselves.. our own confidence comes in and naturally attracts girls :p

[SushiJiro]

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

This really is inspiring bro. Thanks for sharing your story and the encouragement.

[organiser]

Been single for the past 3 years since my last relationship ended. Chanced upon my ex-gf FB and see that she is blissfully married and has a 1-year old son now. And inevitably I asked myself, what have i done with my own life for the past 3 years?
I have spent the last 3 valentines' day and CNY alone and mostly likely the coming one too... and more important than any special occasions, I am ashamed about how my life is stuck in a rut.
Naturally, you would ask why am I not picking myself up and moving on with life? Why am I not seeing anyone new?

Now here's where my issues lies - It is not that I did not try. In fact, I have never tried so hard in my life. I have tried everything- from having friends/colleagues introducing their female friend to me, to getting to know a complete new gal at the club.
But no matter what i do, the outcome seems to be always the same- the other party will take an extremely long time to reply sms and from her response, it is clear she is not the least interested in me (even as a friend).

I seemed to be perennially shut off by people now and there is almost nothing I can do when the other party simply does not respond. Things were not always like this, and I have had several normal relationships before. I don't know what has changed ( i.e. Could i have become extremely grotesque overnight) but things just aren't the same anymore.

Same too like you. But for me i do not want to get indulge in a rs. Maybe you can try by not pressurizing yourself or the other party. If she replies your sms or apps, its a bonus if not maybe just text her once every 2-3 days asking daily stuff and maybe the other party doesnt love to sms or purely due to tight routine. Try dating her out and please kindly groom yourself so as to respect the date. Have a casual chat with her, nothing intense. Wish these pointers help.

Cheers
Organiser

Organiser for KTV outings

[Greenfrog]

Hi TS,

My humble 2 cents, based on my own true story
10 years ago I felt like a looser too. I only had a Dip. I am not rich nor good looking.

I tried dating websites making it a point to email at least 20 women a night to hone up my comm skills. I made friends with some ladies but could never cross the friendzone. I finally got close to getting my 1st gf, (a PRC working in SG) only to have her look down on me for being poor. It was depressing.

In 2011, I made it a point to love myself first. I focus on work, took up a PGD then an MBA. The process instill confidence & hope in me. While studying I found a beautiful girl. ultimately we are who we attract.

She is religious & would walk several streets to buy breakfast for me. Such things are really not what money can buy. Thus focus on growth first. Be the one you want to love. Cheers

wow you are really a lucky guy.

[SushiJiro]

Same too like you. But for me i do not want to get indulge in a rs. Maybe you can try by not pressurizing yourself or the other party. If she replies your sms or apps, its a bonus if not maybe just text her once every 2-3 days asking daily stuff and maybe the other party doesnt love to sms or purely due to tight routine. Try dating her out and please kindly groom yourself so as to respect the date. Have a casual chat with her, nothing intense. Wish these pointers help.
Cheers
Organiser


Thanks for the pointers bro!

Actually i am feeling quite jaded after the strings of bad outcomes. Recently i have basically taken the dating thing completely out of my mind. For the past weeks, i have been keeping my outings to an all-guys thing- catching up with many of my buddies like my ex-colleagues and army mates. Nothing sexciting, just catching up over dinner and having a good drink. And i have never been happier!
No need to fret over whether i will be flied aeroplane last minute, don't need to worry about whether the date will turn out disappointing.

Maybe it's just me, but like i mentioned, i have the most awful luck when it comes to dating the opposite gender for the past 3 years- rejection rate is close to something like 98%. For the rare occasions where i thought i scored a date, the gal turns out to be one with either a serious personality problem or simply trying to rip me off as much as she can- leading to another disappointment inevitably.

For me, dating has become a terrible proposition where my input is disproportionately high and the outcome is awfully bad. Even if i disregard the money, effort & time spent, i reckoned the emotional turmoil is simply not worth it.

[ahpui99]

Hey bro


I kenna something like that last time

My ex dumped me and married the other guy

Bloody hell......

What u need to do is to live your life well

Exercise 4 to 5 times a week
Study and upgrade
Concentrate on work
Make friends


It will happen the right way

Once u dun have the despo feel, you will be ok

[Enzo]

Thanks for the pointers bro!

Actually i am feeling quite jaded after the strings of bad outcomes. Recently i have basically taken the dating thing completely out of my mind. For the past weeks, i have been keeping my outings to an all-guys thing- catching up with many of my buddies like my ex-colleagues and army mates. Nothing sexciting, just catching up over dinner and having a good drink. And i have never been happier!
No need to fret over whether i will be flied aeroplane last minute, don't need to worry about whether the date will turn out disappointing.

Maybe it's just me, but like i mentioned, i have the most awful luck when it comes to dating the opposite gender for the past 3 years- rejection rate is close to something like 98%. For the rare occasions where i thought i scored a date, the gal turns out to be one with either a serious personality problem or simply trying to rip me off as much as she can- leading to another disappointment inevitably.

For me, dating has become a terrible proposition where my input is disproportionately high and the outcome is awfully bad. Even if i disregard the money, effort & time spent, i reckoned the emotional turmoil is simply not worth it.

While I have not had the experience of the dating and rejections part you encountered, I feel demoralized at the thought of having to try again in another relationship. My r/s ended several months ago and it was a long r/s.

At an age where I see friends making plans to get married or already married and settling down to set up their own family, I desire to form my own family too. I'm willing to work hard, to learn whatever that is required to be a better partner, but when I look at the horizon, it's hard not to feel depressed about it.

I don't desire to be single, but I think I am slowly coming to accept that that's the way it's going to be.

[ahpui99]

As what a lot of my married friends say to single friends. It could be worse.

Meaning you could be single, mid 30s and a lady. See if got chance compared to a guy. Of cos assume everything else remaining constant

[timeonmyhands]

Hi TS,
So much input so please excuse me if this is a repeat.

Firstly, when does being single equate to being a loser? If you feel this way, step one in any direction is to stop thinking this way. Change in a relationship status equals just that, being no longer single and therefore something else ... does not mean one stops being a loser if in fact a person started out as a loser.

Neither does being in a relationship mean that a person automatically become a winner ... believe you me, attached guys still feel like losers on certain days or weeks.

Keep your chin up! If you are feeling lonely or alone more often than not, chances are, it could be a lot more to it.

Get some help. I mean this in the kindest way, sometime we just need to explore what's bugging us and stop picking up the nearest most convenient thing to blame and label. Perhaps seeing a change in your ex relationship status may have hit you harder than you think.

Anyway, there is help.You can only drink so many beers and PCC that many times. Not resolving whats really bugging you could lead to more complications.

Keep your chin up! If all else fails, you still have SBF! (erm...no offense actually that could also be a symptom :eek:)

[gimmeporn]

Hi TS

i have had like 4 relationships and still no wife yet. I recently met a girl but i fucked it up as explained in another thread :p

the whole idea of being with someone is sometimes too overrated, 缘分 is something that comes and go and 9 out of 10 it doesn't happen and we just move on.

What i am trying to say is that there is a life ahead of you (you are only 27) and instead of telling us how you failed to have a gf, why don't you tell us how you discovered xx number of ways not to fall into the marriage trap?

When it happens, please do not expect it to be natural all the time, sometimes it takes work to get things done and not whine and want to die about it. The loneliness is nothing, WILL is everything.

[SushiJiro]

Hey bro

What u need to do is to live your life well

Exercise 4 to 5 times a week
Study and upgrade
Concentrate on work
Make friends


It will happen the right way

Once u dun have the despo feel, you will be ok

Thanks bro! I am working exactly on that.


At an age where I see friends making plans to get married or already married and settling down to set up their own family, I desire to form my own family too. I'm willing to work hard, to learn whatever that is required to be a better partner, but when I look at the horizon, it's hard not to feel depressed about it.


I understand how you feel. I am 31 this year, and has attended at least 10 of my secondary school classmates wedding. With a few mores coming up.
The comparison certaintly makes this being single thing a whole lot worse than it actually. I am usually fine eating by myself until a couple comes sitting next table to mine and starts feeding each other :( haha...

[SushiJiro]

Hi TS,
So much input so please excuse me if this is a repeat.

Firstly, when does being single equate to being a loser? If you feel this way, step one in any direction is to stop thinking this way. Change in a relationship status equals just that, being no longer single and therefore something else ... does not mean one stops being a loser if in fact a person started out as a loser.

Neither does being in a relationship mean that a person automatically become a winner ... believe you me, attached guys still feel like losers on certain days or weeks.



hey bro, i appreciate each and every sharing here. In fact, i think some points has to be repeated many times before it gets into the head for slower bros like me haha.

Loser is probably a strong word to define the situation, it's probably a feeling of me being not good enough where most of my peers are able to attract someone to be exclusive whereas i seemed to be out there constantly tossed around and unwanted.

[SushiJiro]

Hi TS

What i am trying to say is that there is a life ahead of you (you are only 27) and instead of telling us how you failed to have a gf, why don't you tell us how you discovered xx number of ways not to fall into the marriage trap?

When it happens, please do not expect it to be natural all the time, sometimes it takes work to get things done and not whine and want to die about it. The loneliness is nothing, WILL is everything.

I come to the realization that there comes a point in some cases where we ought to stop chasing for things in life - be it for love, for money or any objection of desire.

To draw an analogy, let's say i am chasing very hard for money. Instead of chasing after short term monetary gain, i could focus hard on what i am doing and be the possibly best in what i am doing. Being an excellent skilled craftsman in any trade would consequently leads to money start rolling in - the best hairstylist or the best hawker selling fried kway teow would definitely earns more than the average office worker. But of course, this comes with considerable sacrifice, long time and hard work.

Coming back to the issue of finding love, i absolutely agree with what many bros here have already grasped - the investment should start with you as a person.

Narcissist as it may sounds, i have to work really hard to focus on myself in order to forget the someone who is missing from my life. Gone are the days where i will keep looking at my phone and wait hours for a sms reply. Instead, i try my best to focus on tasks during office hours. My social calendar is gradually filled up with catching up with many friends and people who treasure my company. I went to Browhaus to have my eyebrow threaded, bought a couple of new shirts, and i am thinking of taking up some kickboxing or muay thai classes.

My advice to all bros who are facing the same challenge- invest in yourself and re-engineer your life in aspects which are not working well/lacking previously, be it career, not enough personal savings or a lacklustre social life.

[timeonmyhands]

Yes, the way you've framed the situation, you will feel negative. Especially when you assess and reasses over and over again, playback only amplifies those feelings. But here is a fact - feelings are not reality. Reality is the environment's response to your action and each tranaction forms your reality.

Suggest you stop responding to your feelings and stop playback of every encounter. At least for a week. Everytime you feel the urge to, go do something - wax your car, do some push ups, PCC whatever. You are not in a frame of mind to do this for a positive outcome. Contemplation and reflection are helpful activities for personal growth but it is done with positivity. With negativity, it is called ruminating, dont do it bro.

[timeonmyhands]

TS, your last post is spot on!
Don't know why I could not see it before posting my follow-up.
Forgive my rambling and get on with what you said!
Two thumbs up!

[Enzo]

I understand how you feel. I am 31 this year, and has attended at least 10 of my secondary school classmates wedding. With a few mores coming up.
The comparison certaintly makes this being single thing a whole lot worse than it actually. I am usually fine eating by myself until a couple comes sitting next table to mine and starts feeding each other :( haha...

You're about the same age as me.

The fortunate thing for me I don't have to attend as many weddings as you do. Thank god for that if not I'll be real depressed.

The typical advice given by people is to preoccupy yourself with something, be involved with activities, get to know new people, do charity work, focus on your career or stuff like that. yea those things do keep you occupied but that's just pushing your feelings to the side of the brain, and when the moment comes where you are alone by yourself or having to attend events like weddings, everything comes as one big wave and hits you hard again. You can fool your brain, but you can't fool your heart in the long run. The heart wants what the heart wants. We can deny the pain, but it doesn't mean it's gone.

What all heart broken and lonely people are facing is the feeling that we feel unwanted and left behind while we see all those around us, especially those we know leaving us behind to set up their own lives and families. We desire the same kind of happiness to have, of having a partner who loves us, to walk down the journey of life with us, someone to share our ups and downs with, someone to share joys and sorrows with.

It's inherent in every single human being to want to be loved. Yes we are loved by our families and friends, but it's different. Every human being needs ALL the various types of love. And every human being is afraid of being alone, just a matter of whether we admit it or not.

A slightly similar feeling would be akin to an old person watching his friends passing on from this world one by one. He can get to know new people sure, but it doesn't change the fact that the heart can feel the disappearing of the people he was once very close to in his life one by one.

Are we losers? Probably not and we do know it. We are in pain but we are not stupid. But that's what we feel. We feel like losers even though we know we aren't. We ask ourselves why others can be in a happy relationship and we can't? We aren't worse than others. Is there something wrong with us that we don't even know? Are we so undeserving of being loved? We beat ourselves up emotionally and mentally. Some like TS here try to get back to the dating game, but with each rejection, it compounds on the pain.

[ahpui99]

Hi bro enzo

It sucks but i also got quite a few female friends who are single and in their mid 30s.

We men got our options. We can go CP. we can do commercial in sg. We can wait for xiao mei mei to grow up a little but more and then try luck when age is ok.

Men before 40 always got chance.
There is something else important though. Need to be able to be reasonably earn a respectable income and take care of yourself.

Women will find u curious and flock to you.

In fact, bros like warbird who is a seasoned player, can teach all of us how to lead a successful life...

[gimmeporn]

I come to the realization that there comes a point in some cases where we ought to stop chasing for things in life - be it for love, for money or any objection of desire.

To draw an analogy, let's say i am chasing very hard for money. Instead of chasing after short term monetary gain, i could focus hard on what i am doing and be the possibly best in what i am doing. Being an excellent skilled craftsman in any trade would consequently leads to money start rolling in - the best hairstylist or the best hawker selling fried kway teow would definitely earns more than the average office worker. But of course, this comes with considerable sacrifice, long time and hard work.

Coming back to the issue of finding love, i absolutely agree with what many bros here have already grasped - the investment should start with you as a person.

Narcissist as it may sounds, i have to work really hard to focus on myself in order to forget the someone who is missing from my life. Gone are the days where i will keep looking at my phone and wait hours for a sms reply. Instead, i try my best to focus on tasks during office hours. My social calendar is gradually filled up with catching up with many friends and people who treasure my company. I went to Browhaus to have my eyebrow threaded, bought a couple of new shirts, and i am thinking of taking up some kickboxing or muay thai classes.

My advice to all bros who are facing the same challenge- invest in yourself and re-engineer your life in aspects which are not working well/lacking previously, be it career, not enough personal savings or a lacklustre social life.

Good on you my friend. Take stock of yourself, invest in it and wait fr the right moment to reap the rewards. I will not wish you luck here, you go make your own and start living.

[SushiJiro]

What all heart broken and lonely people are facing is the feeling that we feel unwanted and left behind while we see all those around us, especially those we know leaving us behind to set up their own lives and families. We desire the same kind of happiness to have, of having a partner who loves us, to walk down the journey of life with us, someone to share our ups and downs with, someone to share joys and sorrows with.

It's inherent in every single human being to want to be loved. Yes we are loved by our families and friends, but it's different. Every human being needs ALL the various types of love. And every human being is afraid of being alone, just a matter of whether we admit it or not.

A slightly similar feeling would be akin to an old person watching his friends passing on from this world one by one. He can get to know new people sure, but it doesn't change the fact that the heart can feel the disappearing of the people he was once very close to in his life one by one.

Are we losers? Probably not and we do know it. We are in pain but we are not stupid. But that's what we feel. We feel like losers even though we know we aren't. We ask ourselves why others can be in a happy relationship and we can't? We aren't worse than others. Is there something wrong with us that we don't even know? Are we so undeserving of being loved? We beat ourselves up emotionally and mentally. Some like TS here try to get back to the dating game, but with each rejection, it compounds on the pain.

Absolutely true bro. You have written out exactly how i feel towards this issue.

Physical loneliness itself is not difficult to manage - there are plenty of dining & entertainment options which an average joe can reasonably afford to have in SG.
And like many bros here have suggested, as guys we also have the option of commercial sex be it GL, free lance or KTV and the list goes on...

At the heart of the issue is the awful feeling of being unwanted and undesired - the feeling there must be something inadequate about me which is why i am unable to find a gal who is willing to sleep with because she likes me and not because of money.
And there is also this social stigma like when i attend new year gatherings, and my younger sibling and most of my cousins are attached and coming with their partners. It's occasions like this where i feel like a sore thumb sticking out...

And like what you have brillantly pointed out, even if i could push aside and disregard all the external stigma & prejudices, at the end of the day, i can't escape my own feelings. The feeling of being unloved and unwanted.

It's a double whammy for people in such situations usually - first, i have to cope with the rejection and disappointment of being turned down by the person i like. And then, i have to deal with the self esteem issues and depression that follows.

Today, like i have mentioned earlier, i have resolved to live my life differently. I cannot control how others will treat or depise me, but i can certaintly treat myself with respect. I reckoned, it's bad enough the bitch does not appreciate after i have done so much for her and treat me with contempt, why should i make it worse for myself?
I should spend on myself to make myself happy, hang out with people who respect and enjoy my company (in my case, it's 90% guys- but so what), i resolve to only do things that makes me happy from now onwards.

[HCKing]

TS i think u got a self-esteem issue here.

ask yrself: why shld i bother so much whether others like me or not? WHO THE FARK ARE THEY?

[Enzo]

Hi bro enzo

It sucks but i also got quite a few female friends who are single and in their mid 30s.

We men got our options. We can go CP. we can do commercial in sg. We can wait for xiao mei mei to grow up a little but more and then try luck when age is ok.

Men before 40 always got chance.
There is something else important though. Need to be able to be reasonably earn a respectable income and take care of yourself.

Women will find u curious and flock to you.

In fact, bros like warbird who is a seasoned player, can teach all of us how to lead a successful life...

your statement about the xiao mei mei part cracked me up.

I'm aware that there are other ladies who are in their 30s yet still single.Sometimes I do wonder why they are still single, some of them that I know too are not unattractive. It's much easier for women to find men than the other way around if they are not picky.

[ahtat77]

Ts,IMHO women are usually attracted to men who are capable ,does well in their careers or have $$$ to spend on them.If you want to get a date,why don't you think of ways to impress her with how generous you can be while getting to know her better? To be rejected once might be a coincidence,but if you know that there's something wrong in your approach then it's time...:D

[Jackboy]

Totally agreed with that.
Spare the rod...spoil the child...

[Yumenotameni]

Just let it come to you and not by force. I can understand how bitter you feel when you learnt that your ex-gf is happily married with children. But there is so much you can do for your life instead of searching for a gf just to make yourself feel better.

My advice for you is not to look and read your ex gf's facebook and focus mainly on yourself. Only look at her facebook after you have successfully become a better and useful person. Always turn negative energy to strength and after sometime, you will see the result.