Never say never?

[Stud00]

Hey Bros and Sis,

Just wondering if any of you have had such an experience..

Have a friend dating a girl, they've been together for about 14 months now, and each time they quarrel, the girl would always say that she wants to break off or take a break. He has lost count of the amount of times which they have broken off, from what i understand, this girl has had quite a bad past, basically all the men in her life have failed her, so she's quite bitter.. In the beginning, she doesn't look forward to marriage.. but just recently they have actually brought a Condo together.. my friend is paying most of the bulk of it.. He has also brought a ring to propose to her.

Just 2 weeks ago, the girl had her "fits" again, and broked off with him...this time, she sent him very mean messages, which i read too. I guess my friend has finally have had enough, he decided to walk away from it.. I know that he really loves this gal a lot.. and shes not a bad girl... she has stood by him through thick and thin.. just that he cant accept such childish behavior from her, about breaking up over the slightest thing. He says that each time she does it, it erodes any faith he has in the relationship..

to all sisters, what do you think is the cause of her behavior?

and to brothers, how would you handle this?

Constructive and intelligent comments would be very much appreciated.

thanks all in advance.

[maxsee]

Move on...it is not like there is only one woman in the whole world....:D:D:D

[eozei]

I agree with your friend's approach at this point in time. A person that keeps wanting to ditch the relationship will inevitably do it again at some later point. Better do it now than after the marriage. Besides, if he can afford a condo, I'm pretty sure that he's well enough that dating shouldn't be a difficult thing to do. The only hurdle is getting over the break up.

[porscheclub]

She needs to see a doc. Many people have all kinds of depression these days but for the best, look for an emotionally controlled woman to marry.

Good that he bails out early.

[jj_jj]

Your friend should buy over her share of the condo if possible else lugi $.
Just move on.

[hotbodz77]

Move on... Bitter women are incurable and think the whole world owes them something. They think by threatening to breakup will make sure the guy stays. But it's the most childish and idiotic way to think. Ask your friend to stay away from her. Trying to cure her will most likely make himself crazy and sent into IMH earlier than her...

[deludedgal]

I think she was emotionally hurt from the past thats why she keep bringing up break up as a shield to protect herself and not to get too involved.

Maybe you could ask yr friend to show her more assurance to show that he is not like her past guys... by just walking away like that .. its just proving to her that he wasn't serious abt her in the first place.. which she really hope he would prove her wrong..

so maybe u could ask yr friend to talk to her to stop talking abt break up and tell her he is really serious abt her.. and give themelseves some trust in this relationship rather than keep thinking the relationship will fall apart..

[matterhorn]

Hey Bros and Sis,

Just wondering if any of you have had such an experience..


to all sisters, what do you think is the cause of her behavior?

and to brothers, how would you handle this?

Constructive and intelligent comments would be very much appreciated.

thanks all in advance.

If your friend really loves her, tell him to bring her to a psychiatrist. She most likely is suffering from a sickness of the mental state - Insecure Syndrumulus (or something like that as I am not so sure about the medical term). It can be controlled by counselling and medication. A colleague of mine had the same problem with his wife when they were dating. He was wise enough to bring her to IMH for treatment. They got married eventually and have 2 kids and are living a normal life just like everyone else..

[kittymae]

TS, Being bitter cos of past experiences, from a female POV, I can understand. But it is not healthy for either the girl or ur friend in the long run. Both emotional, mentally and in their relationship.
Ur fren may want to talk to the girl and encourage her to go for counseling/get some help to let go of the past properly.

If it works out, the girl may throw less fits and it can only do,the relationship good. If she doesn't, well, ur fren has nothing to 'lose' since has decided to walk away

From what I see, the girl may be using their relationship as leverage, to 'test' ur Fred's devotion/love for her. Whilst it may be related to her being bitter/cynical/hurt in the past... That isn't the way to go.
I believe ur fren had many times before try to instill the assurance etc in her when they patch back.
But If she can't change this bit, the ur fren may want to consider moving on with his life apart from her.
He can't always be the one 'giving in' as it will create an imbalance in the relationship which will not bode too good for future.

Just my 2cents worth :)

[see see only]

Women with low confidence level will suddenly dont believe good things could happen to her.

The better the man treats her, the more she felt insecure :o

She will keep using childish behaviour to test the man .... and believe almost everything their friends said. Depending what type of friends she had.

BTW her present behaviour seem to be .... she had found another man ... that could temporarily give her the confidence that she is very needed by him ... and usually these men are those useless man that will eventually dump her after made used. :o

Such women will always be made used and dump a side soon until they realise that one man can treat her very well and usually an ex-boyfriend.

So if you friend really loves her ... he had to be super patient and just keeping waiting (as she will be dumped soon). If he thinks that she is worth the wait. :rolleyes:

[bonkning]

bitter cos of past experiences, is not healthy for either the girl or ur friend in the long run. Both emotional, mentally and in their relationship.
Ur fren may want to talk to the girl and encourage her to go for counseling/get some help to let go of the past properly.

Women with low confidence level will suddenly dont believe good things could happen to her.
The better the man treats her, the more she felt insecure :o
She will keep using childish behaviour to test the man .... and believe almost everything their friends said. Depending what type of friends she had.

agree with these 2, but not sure of the last part about having found another man cos she is testing all the time, and testing his patience too.
but can't really blame her..cos she has low confidence...i agree, n can't believe good things can happen to them.
but i can understand ur friend....poor thing...always kena from gf(sometimes for no apparent reason?) ...yet she had stood by him(how so?)...so also hard to let go...

how long hav they been togehter? it is very hard to say what to do cos only your friend knows how much he can take and how much sacrifice she had made... but if he really lov her so much as to risk his future happiness, then must seek help n councelling cos it will happen again after marriage, then dat will be really hard.

[jasdude]

Its frustrating placing someone so important to the heart to know that you are only an option.

[Ngengheng]

He is a totally insecure woman..should bring her to religious counselling..

[matterhorn]

He is a totally insecure woman..should bring her to religious counselling..

Her problem is more mental than religious. IMH is more appropriate than any temple or church.

[sane]

The men will never get it. Sometimes women juz like to be left alone, give her some breathing space to sort out her thoughts n she will be fine.

Provoke her further n u will be digging ur own grave.

[jasdude]

Women think men must always give in to them as a show of love and concern. Men also need tender loving care and encouragement to persist on the path. Complacency is every relationship's downfall.

[Goldenking]

I'm jus concern bout how are they going to divide the shares of e condo :o

[sane]

Women nvr ever need a man who jus gave in and coax blindly they need someone who can understand them.

It takes 2 hands to clap, it's never one party's fault :rolleyes: dun jump to conclusions without checking the facts. It's v frustrating.

[queeniegal]

Women nvr ever need a man who jus gave in and coax blindly they need someone who can understand them.

It takes 2 hands to clap, it's never one party's fault :rolleyes: dun jump to conclusions without checking the facts. It's v frustrating.

Agreed with sane sis (:

[queeniegal]

Women think men must always give in to them as a show of love and concern. Men also need tender loving care and encouragement to persist on the path. Complacency is every relationship's downfall.

Agreed too (:

[jasdude]

Men are not mind readers. Women often assume by their sixth sense, preference and emotions while men by their logic and practicality reasoning. Differences are abound so communication is essential to sort it out.

[jasdude]

Agreed too (:

Merry Christmas QG! :)

[sane]

Agreed with sane sis (:

Sis, u understand it well :) perhaps women like us are used to be alone, having our own work, circle of friends and freedom.

Juz as I told u, I juz came back fr a holiday with my frds n planning for another 2 more, someone doesn't sound happy about it *whispers*.

[queeniegal]

Sis, u understand it well :) perhaps women like us are used to be alone, having our own work, circle of friends and freedom.

Juz as I told u, I juz came back fr a holiday with my frds n planning for another 2 more, someone doesn't sound happy about it *whispers*.

Ha.. Jan I got 3 group of friend asking me go out. Cambodia, India & Bangkok lol.. But work commitment sigh I can't go :(

Lol not happy har hmmmm well he can try to plan a short getaway with u... Or maybe he misses you too much when u away la

[queeniegal]

Merry Christmas QG! :)

Same to u hohoho

[queeniegal]

Men are not mind readers. Women often assume by their sixth sense, preference and emotions while men by their logic and practicality reasoning. Differences are abound so communication is essential to sort it out.

Make sense but ladies also not mind readers too. Some guys always expect ladies to behave or follow what they think. They assume what they think are always good for ladies wor...

Guy and ladies are different that why we attract to each other (=

Thus communication is the only way to convey our thoughts and thinking (:

P.S sometimes ladies 6th sense are very accurate till scary wor.

[sane]

Ha.. Jan I got 3 group of friend asking me go out. Cambodia, India & Bangkok lol.. But work commitment sigh I can't go :(

Lol not happy har hmmmm well he can try to plan a short getaway with u... Or maybe he misses you too much when u away la

He dun even hv enough time to rest n sick also gotta work. Sometimes being overly concerned and caring is tad overwhelming, I feel stress about it.

Sounds fun, go for a short break, u deserve one before u gotta chiong for the whole yr. :D

Make sense but ladies also not mind readers too. Some guys always expect ladies to behave or follow what they think. They assume what they think are always good for ladies wor...


Totally agreed :)

[queeniegal]

He dun even hv enough time to rest n sick also gotta work. Sometimes being overly concerned and caring is tad overwhelming, I feel stress about it.

Sounds fun, go for a short break, u deserve one before u gotta chiong for the whole yr. :D

Totally agreed :)

I'm going back to work in two days time :( in fact start working from home on sat :(

Aiyo so busy har... Haha stress lol I got what u mean.

I wish I can go but can't Jan till March will be war zone no cover sigh

[jasdude]

Lol not happy har hmmmm well he can try to plan a short getaway with u... Or maybe he misses you too much when u away la

Yes I miss her. ;)

P.S sometimes ladies 6th sense are very accurate till scary wor.

Yes VERY. Especially when she can know what I am feeling even over MSN :eek:

He dun even hv enough time to rest n sick also gotta work. Sometimes being overly concerned and caring is tad overwhelming, I feel stress about it.

You are too used to be alone. So how would I be busy yet overwhelming huh? :D

[Castrol]

Just 2 weeks ago, the girl had her "fits" again, and broked off with him...this time, she sent him very mean messages, which i read too. I guess my friend has finally have had enough, he decided to walk away from it.. I know that he really loves this gal a lot.. and shes not a bad girl... she has stood by him through thick and thin.. just that he cant accept such childish behavior from her, about breaking up over the slightest thing. He says that each time she does it, it erodes any faith he has in the relationship..


to the guy who will marry her... 3 words:
welcome to hell. :D