Cuckolded and confused

[missB]

Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?

[sammyboyfor]

There's no way he's going to change. My advice is to move on.

You don't have to wait 3 years. If you have the evidence, you can divorce him on the grounds of adultery.

[Brainstorm]

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming?

Even if you didn't divorce him, you also haven't found Prince Charming. Right? The idea of a faithful husband isn't stupid. You do see them around. The idea of Prince Charming though does sound stupid. Prince Charming is the imaginary man who understands all your likes and dislikes and sweeps you off your feet doing the right stuff and avoiding making mistakes with your list of dislikes.

If he doesn't change, getting separated is probably a good thing. Health-wise, it's a matter of time before he transmits some disease to you. Then as a carrier of a STD, how are you going to find a new man after divorce?

[heineken]

Move on, who say that married not more than 3 yrs cannot divorce, if you have evidence to show that he is cheating on you, you can do it anytime.

[jj_jj]

You are already aware of his track record, most would not give him a 2nd chance.
If you are inclined to so do, you could consider couple counselling and see where that leads. Be confident enough to move on when the time comes.

You may never find a Prince Charming but your life would definitely be better off w/o this guy.

[sammyboyfor]

You may never find a Prince Charming but your life would definitely be better off w/o this guy.

There is no such thing as "Prince Charming". It's the stuff of fairy tales. Reality is a lot more down to earth.

Besides chances of finding a charming man who is capable of remaining faithful range from slim to zero. If she wants "faithful", she should look for a nerd. The odds will be a lot better.

[sane]

U r still young n ur future is bright ahead of u. Don't let this man tie u down n like wat the others say, run as fast as u can before being infected.

Restraint of sex with him.. Put ur own interest in the 1st priority n dun wait, file against him now. U go, gal..

[Bigbadken]

Using wedding ang bao money to go HCs? This guy is a real loser.

Ts, i noe usually things r easier said than done. In tis case, u might find it tough to let go too coz he is ur husband afterall n im sure u stil have some feelings left for him.

But apparently the best option here is to leave him. I dun see how ur hubby is gg to change. He has utter disrespect to ur marriage. Its an insult.

Good luck to u!

[asdfghjkl]

by the way, cuckold refers to a man married to an unfaithful wife. :(

[missB]

There's no way he's going to change. My advice is to move on.

You don't have to wait 3 years. If you have the evidence, you can divorce him on the grounds of adultery.

All the evidence were in his phone. They were deleted before I could copy everything. I only have a video of him in a massage parlour, but without the action bit.

[missB]

Even if you didn't divorce him, you also haven't found Prince Charming. Right? The idea of a faithful husband isn't stupid. You do see them around. The idea of Prince Charming though does sound stupid. Prince Charming is the imaginary man who understands all your likes and dislikes and sweeps you off your feet doing the right stuff and avoiding making mistakes with your list of dislikes.

If he doesn't change, getting separated is probably a good thing. Health-wise, it's a matter of time before he transmits some disease to you. Then as a carrier of a STD, how are you going to find a new man after divorce?

You are right.

Prince Charming is the stuff of fiction. At this moment, I've given in too much. He kept on going back and I kept on taking him back. I just wish for a man who appreciates all the sacrifices I made and think of me before 'having fun'...

[missB]

by the way, cuckold refers to a man married to an unfaithful wife. :(

Hohoho... What if it's the other way around? Is it called normal? :D

[missB]

Move on, who say that married not more than 3 yrs cannot divorce, if you have evidence to show that he is cheating on you, you can do it anytime.

All evidence were in his mobile phone, so I have no evidence with me.

I have a video of him at a HC without the action bit, though. What kind of evidence is sufficient to file for divorce?

[missB]

Using wedding ang bao money to go HCs? This guy is a real loser.

Ts, i noe usually things r easier said than done. In tis case, u might find it tough to let go too coz he is ur husband afterall n im sure u stil have some feelings left for him.

But apparently the best option here is to leave him. I dun see how ur hubby is gg to change. He has utter disrespect to ur marriage. Its an insult.

Good luck to u!

Thank you.

I still love him very much. That's why it also hurts very much. I've been talking to lawyers about divorce, but they are more inclined to suggest reconciliation. Maybe becase they can see I'm not very sure :confused:

[missB]

U r still young n ur future is bright ahead of u. Don't let this man tie u down n like wat the others say, run as fast as u can before being infected.

Restraint of sex with him.. Put ur own interest in the 1st priority n dun wait, file against him now. U go, gal..

I am overseas, so I am not having sex with him.

Understand that he feels lonely and 'need sex' when I'm away, but he also goes to HCs when I'm around. Things don't add up. I don't understand why he still goes when I'm around.

[missB]

You are already aware of his track record, most would not give him a 2nd chance.
If you are inclined to so do, you could consider couple counselling and see where that leads. Be confident enough to move on when the time comes.

You may never find a Prince Charming but your life would definitely be better off w/o this guy.

Wooooh... I have him a second chance before I left. Third chance after Christmas. Could still find call logs to HCs and budget hotels. He is on his fourth chance now :)

The only thing I am concerned about is how my parents will view a divorce, coming from a religious family. Also, I don't know if I can find another man (who is willing to marry a divorcee).

[asiaprincess]

The only thing I am concerned about is how my parents will view a divorce, coming from a religious family. Also, I don't know if I can find another man (who is willing to marry a divorcee).[/QUOTE]

sister,
We live in a modern society now where even divorcees can get married again.

In the first place, what made you decide to trust him and to get married based on that trust...when immediately after your honeymoon, he decides to go after other women.??
It doesn't add up!
What adds up, in fact, is the way he treats you is similar to how he treats other women.
The "sweet talk, get something he wants ( sex), then go for the next woman".

Just my opinion.:)

[K9696]

You should not bring religious into this context!

Don't be confused, you already big enough to know how to make your own decision!

Outsiders cannot help you in your decision making and it will only giving you more confuse statement:p

All the best:)

[DO_YOU_BJ]

You should not bring religious into this context!

Don't be confused, you already big enough to know how to make your own decision!

Outsiders cannot help you in your decision making and it will only giving you more confuse statement:p

All the best:)

So correct dage.
Woman, you not kid worst married already.
Whether u leave or stay ask the whole damn world for wat?
Can accept his ways just stay put & shut up!
Cannot accept just fuck off.
No kids nothing make such a simple thing into a self illustration of a puny brain.
Today wear red or black bra?
Need to ask the whole world?

[redhun]

Wooooh... I have him a second chance before I left. Third chance after Christmas. Could still find call logs to HCs and budget hotels. He is on his fourth chance now :)

The only thing I am concerned about is how my parents will view a divorce, coming from a religious family. Also, I don't know if I can find another man (who is willing to marry a divorcee).

Ur hubs has sex addiction? U shuld b worried of your health. U can try sex rehab?

[unsung80]

Is time ti snap out of your confusion. Bros and sis here have give excellent advice. Now is up to you to take action rather than holding back what is needed to you. Happiness and health is in your own hand. You have given him more than enough chances.

For sure you will find a good man in future, i can bet my 100% on that.

[missB]

You should not bring religious into this context!

Don't be confused, you already big enough to know how to make your own decision!

Outsiders cannot help you in your decision making and it will only giving you more confuse statement:p

All the best:)

What kind of evidence do I need to get in order to get a divorce right now? The lawyers told me to try to reconcile until the 3 years is up. Maybe it is easier for them?

I cannot get married in church again if I get a divorce. The church doesn't recognize divorce. It means a lot to my parents that their future grandkids can get communion, etc.

So correct dage.
Woman, you not kid worst married already.
Whether u leave or stay ask the whole damn world for wat?
Can accept his ways just stay put & shut up!
Cannot accept just fuck off.
No kids nothing make such a simple thing into a self illustration of a puny brain.
Today wear red or black bra?
Need to ask the whole world?

I am confused about the waiting for 3 years before getting a divorce.

Also, I too would think it is a simple matter which any Tom, Dick or Harry know how to solve. If my friend has the same problem, I will say divorce ASAP.

Hell, even 2 years ago I will say divorce.

If we got married in Australia, I can even get the marriage nullified so I can marry in church again (like Nicole Kidman).

When you are inside, it isn't so simple anymore. You think of everyone's feelings. At least i do. Research has shown that in a divorce, children and our parents hurt the most, not us. I have been trying to spare everyone's feelings by putting up.

It is getting a bit too much. But I'm scared. If all men are like that, then I might as well put up with it.

Why go through the pain of divorce if the next man will do the same damn thing?

Is time ti snap out of your confusion. Bros and sis here have give excellent advice. Now is up to you to take action rather than holding back what is needed to you. Happiness and health is in your own hand. You have given him more than enough chances.

For sure you will find a good man in future, i can bet my 100% on that.

Woohoo! Thank you for the last line. I will see what I can do about the divorce first.

[missB]

Ur hubs has sex addiction? U shuld b worried of your health. U can try sex rehab?

Maybe.

I did. Went for a full STD test. 3 vials of blood taken, two swabs from the cervix, and one pee bottle. Clean ;)

Sex rehab? I will Google it. Do you have recommendation?

[hogbadger]

Looks like the real problem is that you want a "risk free" option. There is no such thing. You just have to choose your course of action, and accept the risk involved. Procrastination is the default option you have chosen i.e. let things be. Better to have a delibrate choice of action.

My understanding is that it is easier to get a divorce under 3 years; tougher to get it granted after 3 years. So, if you want to get out, get out now. HC receipts can be evidence.

"Will the next man be same or worse?" Again, you are asking the impossible -- guarantees. Life is a risk; nothing guaranteed. If you are in a house falling down in an earthquake, there is no guarantee that in rushing out, you will not be hit by another falling building. So, should one only rush out if someone (God?) guarantees you won't be hit in rushing out?

Be brave, be realistic, and most importantly, really take responsibility for your choice and hence your future. Good luck!

[SA23]

Few things need to clarified.

1)Hw long have u been together b4 u got marry?

2) Wat makes u want to marry him in the first place?

3) After 2 weeks of marriage u went for further study??? By doing so u r giving chance and more reason to fool around outside..

Trust me divorce is not the best solution to solve the problem, u can only make tis decision as the last option. Also even if u want to divorce do u think ur husband will just listen to u and do so? Sorry i have more doubt on it coz we all koe in SG when it comes to divorce guys will always lose out. For a start u can might want to come back and seek for consuling...

Dun go and think abt religious or wat will ur parents think of the whole thing, u have more urgent matter on hand rite nw and tat is to SAVE UR MARRIAGE. Human can only handle few things at a time so dun waste time and ur brain cell thinking of wat the other will look at u.

Dun worry abt whether guys will still want to marry just because u r divorce, coz if guys look at u in this way then this guy dun deserve ur love for him.

[missB]

Few things need to clarified.

1)Hw long have u been together b4 u got marry?

2) Wat makes u want to marry him in the first place?

3) After 2 weeks of marriage u went for further study??? By doing so u r giving chance and more reason to fool around outside..

Trust me divorce is not the best solution to solve the problem, u can only make tis decision as the last option. Also even if u want to divorce do u think ur husband will just listen to u and do so? Sorry i have more doubt on it coz we all koe in SG when it comes to divorce guys will always lose out. For a start u can might want to come back and seek for consuling...

Dun go and think abt religious or wat will ur parents think of the whole thing, u have more urgent matter on hand rite nw and tat is to SAVE UR MARRIAGE. Human can only handle few things at a time so dun waste time and ur brain cell thinking of wat the other will look at u.

Dun worry abt whether guys will still want to marry just because u r divorce, coz if guys look at u in this way then this guy dun deserve ur love for him.

1. Two years before getting married.

2. He is the most charming, considerate and filial man I've ever met. He eats my experimental food, which i know taste bad, just to show his appreciation. We get along well and we can have intellectual discussions (we can keep up with each other). He is like my best friend. I can tell him everything and anything. He loves to request certain dishes or cakes, and I love to surprise him with freshly baked buns and cakes on Sundays. He gave up smoking because he knows my lungs aren't good. Although he doesn't have much money and didn't buy me an engagement ring or take me on overseas holidays, I still agreed to marrying him because I love him. I know I can work hard to get things for myself and for him in the future.

3. After 2 weeks of finding out he cheated, I went off. He started going to HCs after we returned from our honeymoon.

How is it that the guys will lose out in a divorce? He has made it clear that he won't give alimony, if it ever comes to that. We have no assets to split up. We own what we earn.

That said, I agree that divorce is the last resort. I will return to Singapore soon and maybe go for counselling. Thank you for your thoughts. :)

[SA23]

1. Two years before getting married.

2. He is the most charming, considerate and filial man I've ever met. He eats my experimental food, which i know taste bad, just to show his appreciation. We get along well and we can have intellectual discussions (we can keep up with each other). He is like my best friend. I can tell him everything and anything. He loves to request certain dishes or cakes, and I love to surprise him with freshly baked buns and cakes on Sundays. He gave up smoking because he knows my lungs aren't good. Although he doesn't have much money and didn't buy me an engagement ring or take me on overseas holidays, I still agreed to marrying him because I love him. I know I can work hard to get things for myself and for him in the future.

3. After 2 weeks of finding out he cheated, I went off. He started going to HCs after we returned from our honeymoon.

How is it that the guys will lose out in a divorce? He has made it clear that he won't give alimony, if it ever comes to that. We have no assets to split up. We own what we earn.

That said, I agree that divorce is the last resort. I will return to Singapore soon and maybe go for counselling. Thank you for your thoughts. :)

1) U have been together for 2 yrs, so r u saying tat for these 2 yrs wif u he does not visit HC's or just tat u nv found out?

2) U will work hard to get things for the both of u in future, from tis point i can c tat u love him alot so try no to think too much first.

3) No matter wat has happen i really think u shd not have left at tat point of time unless u have already decide to go further study before ur marriage.

In Sg no matter wat is the reason for divorce the guy died died will have to give u alimony he cant say No at all. Only thing is depend on hw much u demand and the judge will base on his payroll and decide whether he can give according to ur demand or lesser.

Good to hear tat u will be back soon, i hope u can savage ur marriage.

[HunterJ]

It seems to me that TS still loves your husband very much.. Or rather put it as "him". All this things which happened in your life, somehow devastated your faith in the marriage.

All and all, do put religion matters aside while handling this issue you are facing. No matter how religious your family is, the fact is a fact, and it will be the fact.

If you think that your hubby will turn his head back, and stop whatsoever rubbish things to hurt your marriage, please do save your marriage at all means.. If not, I think it will be best to put an end to everything.. The choice is in your hand, and it is up to you to make your own decision..

Good luck girl.. You have support from me ! :)

[missB]

1) U have been together for 2 yrs, so r u saying tat for these 2 yrs wif u he does not visit HC's or just tat u nv found out?

2) U will work hard to get things for the both of u in future, from tis point i can c tat u love him alot so try no to think too much first.

3) No matter wat has happen i really think u shd not have left at tat point of time unless u have already decide to go further study before ur marriage.

In Sg no matter wat is the reason for divorce the guy died died will have to give u alimony he cant say No at all. Only thing is depend on hw much u demand and the judge will base on his payroll and decide whether he can give according to ur demand or lesser.

Good to hear tat u will be back soon, i hope u can savage ur marriage.

1. I never found out. If he didn't leave HC receipts lying around, probably I will never find out.

2. Ok.

3. I found out. He beat me. My parents took me home, and I wasn't allowed to see him until 2 days before I left.

He is still sending friendly emails to business partners and people he meets in conferences, up to today. He is still having tea, coffee, drinks with ladies. He doesn't tell them he is married.

Worth fighting for? Am I too controlling?

[Urgent26]

From what you describe, your hubby doesn't seem like the changing sort, more like the cheonging sort. Unless you're willing to put up with that for the rest of your life, just turning the other way, then better to put a stop to the marriage.

wrt to the religion bit, I think if your parents value the communion for your future children more than your current happiness, there's something fundementally wrong. Sorry if this offends.

[redhun]

Maybe.

I did. Went for a full STD test. 3 vials of blood taken, two swabs from the cervix, and one pee bottle. Clean ;)

Sex rehab? I will Google it. Do you have recommendation?

I dont. Its not so common in sg. To a certain extent many guys r addicted o sex, but theres a fine line between those who can contol n those whom let their addiction control them, their lives. I' m no expert, just my owm thinking.

[missB]

It seems to me that TS still loves your husband very much.. Or rather put it as "him". All this things which happened in your life, somehow devastated your faith in the marriage.

All and all, do put religion matters aside while handling this issue you are facing. No matter how religious your family is, the fact is a fact, and it will be the fact.

If you think that your hubby will turn his head back, and stop whatsoever rubbish things to hurt your marriage, please do save your marriage at all means.. If not, I think it will be best to put an end to everything.. The choice is in your hand, and it is up to you to make your own decision..

Good luck girl.. You have support from me ! :)

Thank you! *gathering all the luck*

I have learned that love is not enough to sustain a marriage.

I cannot tell right now if he is turning his head back to stop the rubbish. I suppose I will only find out when I return and also with a bit of time. If he doesn't, I will definitely consider the divorce. Come to think of it, my parents will be hurt as well if I am unhappy in the marriage.

[redhun]

Also i'm guessing ur catholic? Pray about it you never knw how God wrks ;)

[Urgent26]

Just read that he beat you as well for finding out about his activities? I'm a dude, and I think that is something that cannot be condoned.

[missB]

From what you describe, your hubby doesn't seem like the changing sort, more like the cheonging sort. Unless you're willing to put up with that for the rest of your life, just turning the other way, then better to put a stop to the marriage.

wrt to the religion bit, I think if your parents value the communion for your future children more than your current happiness, there's something fundementally wrong. Sorry if this offends.

True that.

The cheonging sort. I quite like that phrase. And no, I'm not willing to put up with that.

I suppose I never really thought about how staying in the marriage might hurt them just as much if I am unhappy and cheated on repeatedly. You did put things in perspective. Thank you.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Actually, think about this for a minute.
A man will never do to his wife what he does to a whore n vice versa.
Not all men r just satisfied wif just the normal poky poky cum shoot process.
Whores hv sexpertise most wife's wun even wanna go to.
Plus ur not around n away.
Give n take, marriage is marriage but not all r totally satisfied.
Yes, for all u know, he cud be a fuckaholic n ur not so wild or horny etc etc, but remember this, he is ur husband, he fucks the whores but still hold u in regard.
To me, acceptable speaking from experience.
Unless he brings them home, or u catch him in bed in ur own house then its a diff story.
You married him for what he is.
All men hv traits.
The fun n MAN types are r more outgoing thus they hv the attraction power thus the rest u understand.
The stoner 2 by 4 types r a fucking bore but chances or them even straying is maybe 1-10 000
I always believe everything has a root.
Think about the 2 of u n the do & don'ts tat has happened n not mentioned.
I dare bet it's a sexually unfulfilled hunger tat driving him.
Remember, being a wife is not easy.
U got to be ur hubby's nanny
U got to be his Mother
U got to be his friend
U got to be his nurse
U got to be his wife
U got to be his whore
Oh, these r not self created, a very close female friend, mother of 2, told me these long ago n they are the pillars of a safe fulfilled or a key to a disastrous marriage.

[missB]

Actually, think about this for a minute.
A man will never do to his wife what he does to a whore n vice versa.
Not all men r just satisfied wif just the normal poky poky cum shoot process.
Whores hv sexpertise most wife's wun even wanna go to.
Plus ur not around n away.
Give n take, marriage is marriage but not all r totally satisfied.
Yes, for all u know, he cud be a fuckaholic n ur not so wild or horny etc etc, but remember this, he is ur husband, he fucks the whores but still hold u in regard.
To me, acceptable speaking from experience.
Unless he brings them home, or u catch him in bed in ur own house then its a diff story.
You married him for what he is.
All men hv traits.
The fun n MAN types are r more outgoing thus they hv the attraction power thus the rest u understand.
The stoner 2 by 4 types r a fucking bore but chances or them even straying is maybe 1-10 000
I always believe everything has a root.
Think about the 2 of u n the do & don'ts tat has happened n not mentioned.
I dare bet it's a sexually unfulfilled hunger tat driving him.
Remember, being a wife is not easy.
U got to be ur hubby's nanny
U got to be his Mother
U got to be his friend
U got to be his nurse
U got to be his wife
U got to be his whore
Oh, these r not self created, a very close female friend, mother of 2, told me these long ago n they are the pillars of a safe fulfilled or a key to a disastrous marriage.

Ooohhh... Who say I'm not the horny type? Ahahaha. ;)

That said, he is the only man I've ever had sex with.

So, where can I get a whore to learn the tricks of the trade from?

[missB]

I dont. Its not so common in sg. To a certain extent many guys r addicted o sex, but theres a fine line between those who can contol n those whom let their addiction control them, their lives. I' m no expert, just my owm thinking.

Also i'm guessing ur catholic? Pray about it you never knw how God wrks ;)


I suppose he likes the idea of having a wife, one who was a virgin when he met her, one who earns a living, one who takes care of him. BUT he also wants the fun a single man can get. You know, being a casanova, having a different girl every night as far as the money permits.

I don't know if it is an addiction or more of a selfish I-want-it-all attitude. Let me have my cake and eat it too.

Been praying ;)

[SA23]

3. I found out. He beat me. My parents took me home, and I wasn't allowed to see him until 2 days before I left.

WTF...hw come now seems like so many hubby best their wife.

Sorry to say tis before u mention he beat u, i still hope u can savage the marriage but nw i have doubts on it. Woman is to b love and b shower wif care and concern not to b beat. It happen once it will happen twice please do not go back to him anymore.

[SA23]

Ooohhh... Who say I'm not the horny type? Ahahaha. ;)

So, where can I get a whore to learn the tricks of the trade from?

Be careful of wat u saying nw hor...u nv koe later there will be alot of guys going to pm u telling u they want to koe u and teach u stuffs blar blar blar....:p

[asdfghjkl]

maybe we can meet up and i can be a good listener.. many of my bff are divorcees.. :(

[SA23]

I suppose he likes the idea of having a wife, one who was a virgin when he met her, one who earns a living, one who takes care of him. BUT he also wants the fun a single man can get. You know, being a casanova, having a different girl every night as far as the money permits.

I don't know if it is an addiction or more of a selfish I-want-it-all attitude. Let me have my cake and eat it too.

Been praying ;)

U shd stay away from him and let him go and b wat he wants to b, to use money and still can b consider as a casanova then he really have some issues wif his thou.

Dun worry gal alot of ppl have the same mind set as u if u love a person dearly of course u wont want to share it wif anybody....every man for themselve

[BrandyShock]

Pray hard babe.

hope that miracle will happen.

[SA23]

maybe we can meet up and i can be a good listener.. many of my bff are divorcees.. :(

Then u must wash ur ear clean clean liao....so as to listen better lol:D

[HunterJ]

Thank you! *gathering all the luck*

I have learned that love is not enough to sustain a marriage.

I cannot tell right now if he is turning his head back to stop the rubbish. I suppose I will only find out when I return and also with a bit of time. If he doesn't, I will definitely consider the divorce. Come to think of it, my parents will be hurt as well if I am unhappy in the marriage.

Love is not everything in a marriage. Just like a very good saying which conquers the world.. "Money is not everything, but everything is about money". The same applies to love and marriage.. "Love is not everything in marriage, but without love, marriage wouldn't exists" Thou this statement can be easily overturned by defining "forced marriage", "match-maked marraige", etc..

Take your time, and do what is best for you. Time is the best factor to realize our mistakes, realize how one treats us, realize how true some one is, and to realize many many things in life. Even if he does TELLS you that he will change, he MIGHT NOT change, but only time will show. So it still depends on you if you would to give him any chance..

No matter what decision you make, be it divorce, or to be trapped in an unhappy marriage, I believe your parents would support you. All parents only want the best for their children, and also to respect each decision their children make. Years later, it will be their children walking down the path they decided, not the parents..

Good if you have someone to talk to, or you can always share your thoughts here.. Take care... :) ;)

[HunterJ]

maybe we can meet up and i can be a good listener.. many of my bff are divorcees.. :(

TS not around now !! Hahahha... I can be a good listener too ~ :p

[SA23]

TS not around now !! Hahahha... I can be a good listener too ~ :p

soon alot of ppl will pop up and say want to b listener liao...lol:D

[HunterJ]

I believe so... But.. Oh well... So be it..

[K9696]

Over the night, 4 pages of comment and advice...

What is your conclusion? "CONFUSE our CUNTfuSE"

I am very sure one part of your thought is wtf so many advises which is which now!

Confusius says dun be confuse, do what you need to do!

With all the comment on the table you can solve your puzzle and close this chapter and move on.:)

[Buaybuaygan]

Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?

Wow, babe.. you so young you marriage yo! life for him is just the begining yo.. got more years for him to play yo.. so you got to tahan his play yo.. if not you can get the other paper to sign yo..;)

[Ganbuaysua]

Hi MissB, I pity you da... your boyboy is playboy da..

[missB]

WTF...hw come now seems like so many hubby best their wife.

Sorry to say tis before u mention he beat u, i still hope u can savage the marriage but nw i have doubts on it. Woman is to b love and b shower wif care and concern not to b beat. It happen once it will happen twice please do not go back to him anymore.

U shd stay away from him and let him go and b wat he wants to b, to use money and still can b consider as a casanova then he really have some issues wif his thou.

Dun worry gal alot of ppl have the same mind set as u if u love a person dearly of course u wont want to share it wif anybody....every man for themselve

Well, I tend to compartmentalise and treat the whoring and beating as two separate issues. When both are put together, it seems that he isn't a decent husband.

I don't want to share him with anyone. Nobody is perfect, and I don't expect a marriage without fights. But I do wish for a man who would fight for me, not fight with me because he had seen other women.

It is getting clearer now. I don't think he is what I'm looking for in a husband, and I'm not what he is looking for in a wife. I can't put up with the whoring.

[missB]

maybe we can meet up and i can be a good listener.. many of my bff are divorcees.. :(

TS not around now !! Hahahha... I can be a good listener too ~ :p

soon alot of ppl will pop up and say want to b listener liao...lol:D

Haha. You guys are sweet. Great. I haven't laughed so hard for a while.

:D

[missB]

Love is not everything in a marriage. Just like a very good saying which conquers the world.. "Money is not everything, but everything is about money". The same applies to love and marriage.. "Love is not everything in marriage, but without love, marriage wouldn't exists" Thou this statement can be easily overturned by defining "forced marriage", "match-maked marraige", etc..

Take your time, and do what is best for you. Time is the best factor to realize our mistakes, realize how one treats us, realize how true some one is, and to realize many many things in life. Even if he does TELLS you that he will change, he MIGHT NOT change, but only time will show. So it still depends on you if you would to give him any chance..

No matter what decision you make, be it divorce, or to be trapped in an unhappy marriage, I believe your parents would support you. All parents only want the best for their children, and also to respect each decision their children make. Years later, it will be their children walking down the path they decided, not the parents..

Good if you have someone to talk to, or you can always share your thoughts here.. Take care... :) ;)

Even if he does TELLS you that he will change, he MIGHT NOT change, but only time will show.

I agree. It is difficult to trust again once it is broken. Although I've given him chances, I have to admit that I worry every day whether or not he will cheat again.

[missB]

Over the night, 4 pages of comment and advice...

What is your conclusion? "CONFUSE our CUNTfuSE"

I am very sure one part of your thought is wtf so many advises which is which now!

Confusius says dun be confuse, do what you need to do!

With all the comment on the table you can solve your puzzle and close this chapter and move on.:)

Yes, I don't like being in a confused state, and I wish it is as simple as solving a puzzle.

It is good to have different perspectives because I cannot see beyond this hole I am in. It is not fair for the husband if I make an overnight decision based on the advice given so far. I have not seen him for two months.

It is getting clearer that I'm leaning towards divorce. I would like to give him a fair chance to contest my decision or to affirm it, when I see him next.

Whether or not I have to wait two more years before getting a divorce depends on whether I can supply concrete proof of infidelity.

Thank you for the many advice given. I really appreciate them.

[maxsee]

Make sure u claim alimony from him...he will definitely feels the pinch...:D:D:D

[asiaprincess]

All the best, sis!
Work hard and get communication with him.


I suppose he likes the idea of having a wife, one who was a virgin when he met her, one who earns a living, one who takes care of him. BUT he also wants the fun a single man can get. You know, being a casanova, having a different girl every night as far as the money permits.

I don't know if it is an addiction or more of a selfish I-want-it-all attitude. Let me have my cake and eat it too.

Been praying ;)

[Greendevil]

Dear sis, my suggestion to you are:

1) do not give him the slightest idea that you are thinking of divorce at the moment. First and foremost, gathered yr evidence that are useful to you. Ideally, lead him into admitting over mail or something that u can use that he is fooling around. Minimum is having him admit to visiting all the Hc and Hiring escort etc.

2) check his asset. Gather as much information and ideally had a (name) over all of them. Not to forget, Spend his money too during this period.

3) if you could, hired a PI to gather more evidence, i am sure at this moment when u are away, he is having a adventure o his life.

4) see a lawyer. Prepared to fight for the case. But note, nowadays a lot of lawyer are more likely tO be a cunning businessman who is interested to drag yr case to earn than to fight. Get a good lawyer. If u need any recommendation, pm me.

[Greendevil]

Btw given yr age an I Presume u have a good education status, with no kids, do not pinned too much hope on having a handsome alimony. But don't goes away with the idea that u shld just forget it. Minimum, ask for $1 once everything is sorted Out, a dollar may not seen great to him, but there is a meaning behindn this dollar. Most man will not known this. For more information, look up the woman act code and u will know why

[shiokpleasure]

I Think you should just take it to your church.

The folks here are probably less religious.

[SA23]

Haha. You guys are sweet. Great. I haven't laughed so hard for a while.

:D

Is great to hear that u still laughing and dun forget always get urself in a clear mind and do not get urself easily冲动. Coz when u react in a moment of rush everything will just go awire...

[SA23]

Btw given yr age an I Presume u have a good education status, with no kids, do not pinned too much hope on having a handsome alimony. But don't goes away with the idea that u shld just forget it. Minimum, ask for $1 once everything is sorted Out, a dollar may not seen great to him, but there is a meaning behindn this dollar. Most man will not known this. For more information, look up the woman act code and u will know why

I agree with wat greendevil has said this $1 is very impt, u might just need in the future.

[maxsee]

A dollar means that u reserves the rights to claim alimony from him in the future la....i still think best to claim alimony now...if u put a dollar n end up getting married again...ur alimony is as good as gone...try to claim monthly alimony....:D

One lump sum if u have intention to remarry....:D

[alan0338]

Make sure u claim alimony from him...he will definitely feels the pinch...:D:D:D

gd advice ... :D

[Greendevil]

Bro max see also has his point there. Both options has their pro and con. Basically we are telling u sis to do yr research and know more before u act. Again there are situation where both options are been exercise

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Ooohhh... Who say I'm not the horny type? Ahahaha. ;)

That said, he is the only man I've ever had sex with.

So, where can I get a whore to learn the tricks of the trade from?

Try this for starters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=SnE3CEKjCYk

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Why Confused??? :confused:

With all your intel, you are able to squeeze him by the balls liao la :D

You this type of smart, well educated and "pretend to be a pig to eat the tiger" wife is good to move up the rank in a clan hierarchy :p

[ironman73]

Dear MissB,

I would suggest that you leave him while you still can. Is not too late now.
1) You have no kids.
2) No assets to split.
3) You don't need 3 years to divorce him. File for a seperation with unreasonable behaviour. This will give yourself sometime to think it over and also to show him you mean business. This can also enable you to move on in your own life.

You are still young, you don't need to suffer in silent. As for the forum you have written, twice a nite to HC is more like a addiction to paid sex then just some ONS.

Your relationship now is like a vase with a crack. No matter how things will turn out in future, there will always be a scar. You will always have doubt when he return late or in overseas. At your age, i don't think you can really to forgive and forget....

[jj_jj]

As some have suggested, get a lawyer's advice on your next step.
Do not try to salvage this marriage as deep down your heart you know it's the end.
Care for yourself more instead of trying to protect your loved ones' feelings - they'll understand.

Being a divorcee is not the end of the world. Be brave.
I hope you will meet a man worthy of your love.
Good luck :)

[DO_YOU_BJ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQU4DoE1eBg
You know when you give your love away
It opens your heart, everything is new
And you know time will always find a way
To let your heart believe it's true
You know love is everything you say
A whisper, a word, promises you give
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day
You know this is the way love is

Chorus
Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is. Love is. Love....

You know love may sometimes make you cry
So let the tears go, they will flow away
For you know love will always let you fly
How far a heart can fly away

Chorus

You know when love's shining in your eyes
It may be the stars fallen from above
And you know love is with you when you rise
For night and day belong to love

[zunbo]

Give time for things to work out :)

[SammyHulk]

It's time to let go when you know you had did your very best to salvage the situation and failed at that given point in time. It takes 2 to tango and only 1 to disco. :p:D

[Rickey]

As some have suggested, get a lawyer's advice on your next step.
Do not try to salvage this marriage as deep down your heart you know it's the end.
Care for yourself more instead of trying to protect your loved ones' feelings - they'll understand.

Being a divorcee is not the end of the world. Be brave.
I hope you will meet a man worthy of your love.

Tink its good advice frm Bro jj_jj...Take heart, sis, you are not the only one facing tis problem...sigh...many newly married women hv found to their horror, themselves trodding down tis same path...casanovas like these HBs r just never satisfied wif wat they hav in hand...know of a no. of relatives & friends who hv cried & shed lots of tears when they discovered their HBs betrayal..many of these HBs go to HCs or bring their other women to hotels for their sexcapades quite similar to ur HB's case...sigh

[epicureanp]

Dear B,

I think you've been extremely reasonable and forgiving... more so than I can imagine a reasonable woman can tolerate.

My personal view is that he is recalcitrant and will never change. I am certain he's been cheating on you since before your wedding day. If you cannot live with his ways, you should move on as soon as you can. If his actions are so blatant, gathering proof against him is a piece of cake. Divorce is a bitter pill and painful step to take but better now than later.

May I ask if he has any redemning factors that make you want to hold on to him?

-J

BTW, don't lose hope in mankind. There are good ones out there.

-J

[gigigagago]

Hey B, my sincere 2 cents:

1. Technicality (note: I'm not well-versed on this; solely based on my knowledge thus far)

I really do not think you need 3 years to want out of a marriage status. Although many have said "marriage is an arbitrary concept", to me personally it is only as binding as those who still have the faith to continue with and believe in it. You can cite irreconcilable differences, for a start.

Also, ascertain your interest in alimony. If you do, then take your time to amass - by yourself or with the help of professionals - to gather the necessary evidence(s) that will bolster your case. However, it really depends on how quickly you want to move on with your life. If you just wanted a fresh start quickly, being immersed with fighting for/thinking about the alimony is more harm than good for your own deserved progression.

2. Love

Frankly (and obviously), I'm neither Dr. Phil nor Oprah, plus I also do not know both you and your husband. Therefore, I wish that you'd know I can only offer what I've read so far as a basis for my following advice.

Initially, I was about to kick some stray kittens or puppies (I'm kidding: it's just a figure of speech) when I read that you didn't know if you would find a prince charming after divorce. However, I am as glad as the spared animals that you later clarified that prince charming was just fictitious/fairy tale.

You also mentioned that he was "charming, considerate and filial". I am sure he charmed you enough, and probably sufficiently filial enough by your standards, but if he was considerate to everybody else but did things to hurt you, even after being confronted, isn't it better (probably smarter too) that he's just your friend? And, I'm taking a long shot there with the "considerate" part in case you were just being generous with your superlatives. Haha. ;)

For one, you do not have to put up with his philandering ways, and there'd be no more risks or second-guessings for you to undertake.

However, if you chose to turn a blind eye to his subscribed activities because of love, are you prepared to do this in the long haul, and what does this mean to your marriage, and also your spiritual and psychological needs?

You sound smart, and I believe you are, but through your posts I must admit you also seemed to be bound by societal benchmarks (and also religious). It is a little atypical of someone who have had success in academics.

I wish you would allow me to clarify as I don't mean to offend with this statement. Also, I accept my view could be broad-brushed.

Bolstered by the society's beliefs in Acadamics Excellence = Moral Values Excellence, people who achieved success in this area would continue to believe that whatever the society believes in, it must be right. Well, 40 years ago, people in US believed that different races should have different seats in a bus.

Therefore, if you asked me, and pardon my language - screw all the inconsequential external worries that you might have brought on by others. Nobody really cares if you were a divorcee for your own well-being. You don't have to give two hoots what people may or may not think.

People who care don't matter, people who matter don't care. :) They'd naturally just want you to be happy. ;)

If you stayed on just because your offsprings, who you may or may not have, can get married in a church, perhaps you also should remind yourself they might choose to be free-thinkers or consider marriage a farce.

Even if the above don't make sense to you, please think about this: Does your current marriage give you any growth, excitement and stability? Does he give you respect, love and admiration? Do you have trust and how much? Are you guys spontaneous and how much novelty is there to romanticise things?

Any friend can experiment your food. Lmao. You don't need a husband or a marriage for that. Which brings me to the next topic...

3. Sex

Sexual compatability is important - this cannot be said enough.

Men and women alike, and it's quite noticeable, many preferred to marry a stayer quickly and blindly (it's a whole other story for another day), thinking that whatever they can't get out of the bedroom they can achieve elsewhere. End of the day, they'd return home to admire a trophy they've collected on the shelf.

Some people confuse sexual intimacy as love. They are not necessary mutually-exclusive, but it's critical one knows the difference. His philandering clearly speaks that you are not compatible with him in this department. As for you, you mentioned he was your first, would this be a sufficient sampling to know if he was compatible for you sex-wise?

I won't say as far as "I've been around the block", but I've had some. I've had friends with benefits or fuck buddies but we've only been in contact whenever I was single. Throughout all my serious relationships, I've never needed the formers' companionship. You wanna know why? Simple: Whoever I ended up having an exclusive relationship with (gf), not only did we love and cherish each other, we also had amazing sex. We had novelty and we had fun.

If you found this debatable, then sbf might be a good place for you to start looking around for evidence.

Lastly, with hope that my blabbering did make even a lil sense, what are the things that you could or want or think you could do? If not, is it better that you take your chances elsewhere, seeing that you're young and IMO, could very well chalk up some dating experiences to ensure that you'd be better at qualifying your next candidate.

If it's not your nature to make bold decisions, you could perhaps consider counselling, and let him know that you expect commitment, and it's the last thing you'd do for this marriage (whatever that's left of it). Otherwise, you refuse to be on the shelf for his possession and would do better to make yourself happy (up to your appreciation what happy means/is lmao). ;)

[jonrai]

Dear TS, move on and find a better hubby....No evidence? get PI...

Not a good idea to get beaten...In future you might get even worse nightmare...:eek:

[missB]

Hey B, my sincere 2 cents:

1. Technicality (note: I'm not well-versed on this; solely based on my knowledge thus far)

I really do not think you need 3 years to want out of a marriage status. Although many have said "marriage is an arbitrary concept", to me personally it is only as binding as those who still have the faith to continue with and believe in it. You can cite irreconcilable differences, for a start.

Also, ascertain your interest in alimony. If you do, then take your time to amass - by yourself or with the help of professionals - to gather the necessary evidence(s) that will bolster your case. However, it really depends on how quickly you want to move on with your life. If you just wanted a fresh start quickly, being immersed with fighting for/thinking about the alimony is more harm than good for your own deserved progression.

2. Love

Frankly (and obviously), I'm neither Dr. Phil nor Oprah, plus I also do not know both you and your husband. Therefore, I wish that you'd know I can only offer what I've read so far as a basis for my following advice.

Initially, I was about to kick some stray kittens or puppies (I'm kidding: it's just a figure of speech) when I read that you didn't know if you would find a prince charming after divorce. However, I am as glad as the spared animals that you later clarified that prince charming was just fictitious/fairy tale.

You also mentioned that he was "charming, considerate and filial". I am sure he charmed you enough, and probably sufficiently filial enough by your standards, but if he was considerate to everybody else but did things to hurt you, even after being confronted, isn't it better (probably smarter too) that he's just your friend? And, I'm taking a long shot there with the "considerate" part in case you were just being generous with your superlatives. Haha. ;)

For one, you do not have to put up with his philandering ways, and there'd be no more risks or second-guessings for you to undertake.

However, if you chose to turn a blind eye to his subscribed activities because of love, are you prepared to do this in the long haul, and what does this mean to your marriage, and also your spiritual and psychological needs?

You sound smart, and I believe you are, but through your posts I must admit you also seemed to be bound by societal benchmarks (and also religious). It is a little atypical of someone who have had success in academics.

I wish you would allow me to clarify as I don't mean to offend with this statement. Also, I accept my view could be broad-brushed.

Bolstered by the society's beliefs in Acadamics Excellence = Moral Values Excellence, people who achieved success in this area would continue to believe that whatever the society believes in, it must be right. Well, 40 years ago, people in US believed that different races should have different seats in a bus.

Therefore, if you asked me, and pardon my language - screw all the inconsequential external worries that you might have brought on by others. Nobody really cares if you were a divorcee for your own well-being. You don't have to give two hoots what people may or may not think.

People who care don't matter, people who matter don't care. :) They'd naturally just want you to be happy. ;)

If you stayed on just because your offsprings, who you may or may not have, can get married in a church, perhaps you also should remind yourself they might choose to be free-thinkers or consider marriage a farce.

Even if the above don't make sense to you, please think about this: Does your current marriage give you any growth, excitement and stability? Does he give you respect, love and admiration? Do you have trust and how much? Are you guys spontaneous and how much novelty is there to romanticise things?

Any friend can experiment your food. Lmao. You don't need a husband or a marriage for that. Which brings me to the next topic...

3. Sex

Sexual compatability is important - this cannot be said enough.

Men and women alike, and it's quite noticeable, many preferred to marry a stayer quickly and blindly (it's a whole other story for another day), thinking that whatever they can't get out of the bedroom they can achieve elsewhere. End of the day, they'd return home to admire a trophy they've collected on the shelf.

Some people confuse sexual intimacy as love. They are not necessary mutually-exclusive, but it's critical one knows the difference. His philandering clearly speaks that you are not compatible with him in this department. As for you, you mentioned he was your first, would this be a sufficient sampling to know if he was compatible for you sex-wise?

I won't say as far as "I've been around the block", but I've had some. I've had friends with benefits or fuck buddies but we've only been in contact whenever I was single. Throughout all my serious relationships, I've never needed the formers' companionship. You wanna know why? Simple: Whoever I ended up having an exclusive relationship with (gf), not only did we love and cherish each other, we also had amazing sex. We had novelty and we had fun.

If you found this debatable, then sbf might be a good place for you to start looking around for evidence.

Lastly, with hope that my blabbering did make even a lil sense, what are the things that you could or want or think you could do? If not, is it better that you take your chances elsewhere, seeing that you're young and IMO, could very well chalk up some dating experiences to ensure that you'd be better at qualifying your next candidate.

If it's not your nature to make bold decisions, you could perhaps consider counselling, and let him know that you expect commitment, and it's the last thing you'd do for this marriage (whatever that's left of it). Otherwise, you refuse to be on the shelf for his possession and would do better to make yourself happy (up to your appreciation what happy means/is lmao). ;)

Thank you. What you wrote makes a lot of sense.

1. Technicality

We have spoken, and felt that divorce is the best option. The trigger was my discovery yesterday of yet another fling. All the information i have on him may make him lose his job if leaked. He then called a number of times to scream at me to make sure I don't do anything out of revenge. The last time he called, I hung up because I couldn't take the screaming anymore.

I have also spoken with a lawyer. I sent the lawyer whatever I have on him, minus his Facebook data which I have downloaded to my computer. The lawyer will get back to me with an advice next week. To be honest, this lawyer seems to want to drag the case to make more money.

However, he suggested filing for a separation deed if the court rejects the request for an early divorce. We have not spoken about alimony, but I am not expecting much from him. He needs money for his day-to-day stuff as well.

2. Love

My favorite poem has this line... "And who could play it well enough if deaf and dumb and blind with love..."

In the theatre of love, I am a naive. If you ask me right now, I still love him. I would still take a bullet for him. I would still try to protect him from the nasty people out there who are just using him (like his latest fling, who turned out to be a spy of some sort for a rival company).

Today I know for sure that my sacrifices, my heartbreak, my putting up with his whoring do not make me a better wife for him. On the contrary, he takes me for granted. I am still his punching bag. Someone to scream at if things don't go according to plan. Someone to scold in blind defense of self, in refusing to acknowledge own mistakes.

I cannot put up with his philandering ways.

I cannot put up with seeing flirtatious email/SMS/call logs with other ladies or worse, prostitutes, thanking him for tea or his time.

It destroys my character, such that I've started thinking it is all my fault. I've started internalizing the problems. I've started thinking that the only way out is suicide. But NO, I will drag myself out of this. I hope he can learn from what happened during our marriage. Me staying in the marriage will not make him a better person.

3. Sex

Yes, he is my first one. However, I don't think that how many partners one has had is a good indicator of compatibility. He also told me that the first time with me was like opening Pandora's box. I enjoy it very much and I like to try different things. However, since he started seeing other people, he only wants to do missionary. To me, it is a little boring and repetitive. But he just wants to cum quickly.

It used to be fun, exciting, something to look forward to. But recently, I had to beg him for it. I am away most of the time, but when i am around for one month blocks, i expect some action. He thinks I am ultra kinky for wanting it everyday if possible or at least three-four times a week. He only does once a week.


With regards to decision, I have spoken to my parents about divorce. They are supportive and told me they love me unconditionally. It means a lot to hear that, after being taken for granted for too long. I sincerely hope that this painful episode will make him a better man.

[missB]

Is great to hear that u still laughing and dun forget always get urself in a clear mind and do not get urself easily冲动. Coz when u react in a moment of rush everything will just go awire...

I did react in a moment of rush and confronted the last lady fling yesterday. She told him. I got a shelling for it.

Husband defends lady fling, saying she is a friend.

Wife gets scolding.

Lady fling (who works for a rival company) compromised the secrets of his workplace by emailing everyone in her team the information, gathered during a tea and chit chat session.

Husband found out from lady fling's team member.

Wife gets scolding. Because she confronted lady fling leading to the workplace secrets being leaked.

Wife gets scolding number two, three and four.

[Sensual8725]

MissB, I read through whole of ur thread. U r a witty lady. I believe u will know what to do. Take heart. :o I can understand ur situation because i used to be in the same shit. Luckily for me, i did not take the plunge into marriage. I was with this businessman and cohabiting with him for a year. I always discover sms in his hp with ktv girls, clubbing flings or ONS. Many times, he didnt return home and came up with some lame excuses tat he fell asleep at his colleague's place after a few drinks. Of course, he went for whoring activities as well but i didn't want to find out more and eventually broke off with him because of one last straw - a fling which he openly admitted about. He even became violent. I was really so glad and lucky that i have the opportunity to let go tat time. If i didn't make the decision, we might be married and we might have kids, while he is still whoring around. How does tat sound? The break up and his affairs haunted me and caused me so much pain but i moved on and realised that it was hell back then when i was with him and life was heavenly good after i left him. Until today, i still heard from mutual friends tat he is still whoring around and flinging around. Remember, a leopard will not change its spots especially for such hardcore player. Its not a fairytale. u don't get to see a player suddenly give up his "hobbies" because of one woman, or because he love u so much. It just doesn't happen tat way. If he does love u, he will refrain from hurting u or at least refrain from using violence. I am with u about the divorce. U are still young at 25 (same age as myself) and life is only starting. cheer up and muster the courage to do whatever necessary to let this man get out of ur life. Trust me, u will be much happier when u looked back. (been there, done tat and never so glad tat i left such a man).;):p

[capital]

Hi MissB, my advice is to divorce and leave him for good. U r still young and guess u should be able to find ur Mr Right who will treasure u. By staying with him longer, u will only make urself suffer more, so why not pluck up ur courage and leave him. He did u wrong first so u do not need to feel bad;).

[HunterJ]

Haha. You guys are sweet. Great. I haven't laughed so hard for a while.

:D

Smile, and the world smile with you !!! As said... Laughter is the best medicine. Though I'm going through tough times, but I am still hanging on tightly.. Hope everything goes well.. ;)

[sammyboyfor]

How did all these young girls end up in a whoring forum for men????:eek:

I'm amazed that so many have ended up here over the last couple of years.:p

[SP2010]

How did all these young girls end up in a whoring forum for men????:eek:

I'm amazed that so many have ended up here over the last couple of years.:p

Spot on Boss , few years back girls are rare species in SBF ;)

[SA23]

Thank you. What you wrote makes a lot of sense.

1. Technicality

We have spoken, and felt that divorce is the best option. The trigger was my discovery yesterday of yet another fling. All the information i have on him may make him lose his job if leaked. He then called a number of times to scream at me to make sure I don't do anything out of revenge. The last time he called, I hung up because I couldn't take the screaming anymore.

I have also spoken with a lawyer. I sent the lawyer whatever I have on him, minus his Facebook data which I have downloaded to my computer. The lawyer will get back to me with an advice next week. To be honest, this lawyer seems to want to drag the case to make more money.

However, he suggested filing for a separation deed if the court rejects the request for an early divorce. We have not spoken about alimony, but I am not expecting much from him. He needs money for his day-to-day stuff as well.


3. Sex

Yes, he is my first one. However, I don't think that how many partners one has had is a good indicator of compatibility. He also told me that the first time with me was like opening Pandora's box. I enjoy it very much and I like to try different things. However, since he started seeing other people, he only wants to do missionary. To me, it is a little boring and repetitive. But he just wants to cum quickly.

It used to be fun, exciting, something to look forward to. But recently, I had to beg him for it. I am away most of the time, but when i am around for one month blocks, i expect some action. He thinks I am ultra kinky for wanting it everyday if possible or at least three-four times a week. He only does once a week.


With regards to decision, I have spoken to my parents about divorce. They are supportive and told me they love me unconditionally. It means a lot to hear that, after being taken for granted for too long. I sincerely hope that this painful episode will make him a better man.

1) If is a straight forward divorce with no kids and assets involved the most it will take i 6 month or so but if u have assets then it might drag slightly longer due to dividing of the assets. For alimony how much he can afford is up to him to prove to the court on his expenses. All this is based on my true experience, even u koe tat he cant give much but u dun have to be soft hearted to him, would u rather he use the money to find women or would u rather he give u the money? U r a smart lady so u shd koe which is the answer to it.

3)When 2 person r in love, make love will come naturally dun have to force, or treat it as a routine. He / She would b more then willing to do anything just to make the other party happy and satisfied but when love is gone it will just become a routine or worse it become a form fa xie... Anyway there is a saying jia hua mei you ye hua xiang, this phase is most suit to ur hubby situation nw. Ur parent's has show their support in u so nw there is one less thing on ur mind, therefore just carry on to be happy and one of my fren gave me this advice before which i want to share wif u. Stay strong, carry on ur life happily, dun ever look back and live ur life to the fullest and prove to urself u will be better off without ur hubby in ur life.

[Greendevil]

Dear TS, sorry to hear abt your recent incidents. Obviously yr husband is playing with fire that he can't control and got burnt from it. Need not be disturb from it. In fact, honestly there will be more to come. My advice, it always easy to say do not take it to heart, but that don't happen in most cases. We have feelings and emotion and no matter how u hv given up hops on him, his words will sadden or anger you at times. The best solution is do not even bother talking to him. Everything goes thru SMS or email, in a way it become officially which during spite of anger he may make mistakes and be useful to your case.

Now, sis let being you back to your real problem. If yr heart is yearing for divorce, then you need to understand this: there are 4 basic criteria or divorce which you must fulfilled at least one to have a case.

1. Adultry (please, court need evidence. Hard solid evidence. Not just words or arguement and recorded voices of don't know who.)
2. Separation for 3 year which either parties can filed in for divorce with the other party reserving the rights to contest.
3. Separation for 4 years, no need contest. I.e whether he like it or not, as long I separate for 4 yrs, he in a LL situation.
4. Unreasonable act. ( as the word unreasonable is so wide and general, yet subjective, you must hv a clear case and evidence on this matter unless he is agreeable to divorce then you move on to phase 2 of talking the alimony, assets and etc)

So let's deal with yr most immediate problem first, establish a case that is valid and favourable to you. Also a slap on yrS face or a punch by yr hubby may be painful on yr skin, but will score a deep scar in his memory.it going to be a battle of wits ahead.

[Greendevil]

Btw I miss out another personal view which I like to share. If lawyers advice you to go for mediation or couple for couselling session, for goodness sake, please don't break social workers rice bowl. When u see a lawyer to file for divorce, u want to get yr stuff done. The way I see it, they jus wanna earn more cash from the client, drag the case, buy more time for them so they can concurrently work on other cases which may be more pressing and no time to do home works on yours.

Peace!

[sammyboyfor]

If lawyers advice you to go for mediation or couple for couselling s

Should be "If lawyers ADVISE you.....".

"Advice" is a noun.

[gigigagago]

How did all these young girls end up in a whoring forum for men????:eek:

I'm amazed that so many have ended up here over the last couple of years.:p

Useless and lazy journalists from the mainstream media have quoted from this forum a couple of times, thus giving it nation-wide exposure. Whether the govt have frowned at this leaves us guessing, but my thought is way to go for "nation-building"! Hahahaha. :cool:

[sammyboyfor]

Useless and lazy journalists from the mainstream media have quoted from this forum a couple of times, thus giving it nation-wide exposure.

"Exposure" is not the issue. The whole of Singapore knows that sammyboyforum.com is the nation's premier whoring site.

My question is why innocent young girls actually sign up for an account and start revealing intimate details about their lives in a forum meant for the exchange of whore information.

[Urgent26]

who better to give advice on wayward men, but wayward men themselves?

[missB]

MissB, I read through whole of ur thread. U r a witty lady. I believe u will know what to do. Take heart. :o I can understand ur situation because i used to be in the same shit. Luckily for me, i did not take the plunge into marriage. I was with this businessman and cohabiting with him for a year. I always discover sms in his hp with ktv girls, clubbing flings or ONS. Many times, he didnt return home and came up with some lame excuses tat he fell asleep at his colleague's place after a few drinks. Of course, he went for whoring activities as well but i didn't want to find out more and eventually broke off with him because of one last straw - a fling which he openly admitted about. He even became violent. I was really so glad and lucky that i have the opportunity to let go tat time. If i didn't make the decision, we might be married and we might have kids, while he is still whoring around. How does tat sound? The break up and his affairs haunted me and caused me so much pain but i moved on and realised that it was hell back then when i was with him and life was heavenly good after i left him. Until today, i still heard from mutual friends tat he is still whoring around and flinging around. Remember, a leopard will not change its spots especially for such hardcore player. Its not a fairytale. u don't get to see a player suddenly give up his "hobbies" because of one woman, or because he love u so much. It just doesn't happen tat way. If he does love u, he will refrain from hurting u or at least refrain from using violence. I am with u about the divorce. U are still young at 25 (same age as myself) and life is only starting. cheer up and muster the courage to do whatever necessary to let this man get out of ur life. Trust me, u will be much happier when u looked back. (been there, done tat and never so glad tat i left such a man).;):p

Thank you for sharing your experience and your example of courage. You are right, a leopard will not change its spots. If it doesn't happen now, it might happen a few years down the road where the stakes are higher.

Take care of yourself :)

[missB]

How did all these young girls end up in a whoring forum for men????:eek:

I'm amazed that so many have ended up here over the last couple of years.:p

I got to this forum when researching the HCs the hubby visited, and managed to see the FRs for his favorite ladies too. :D

[missB]

Dear TS, sorry to hear abt your recent incidents. Obviously yr husband is playing with fire that he can't control and got burnt from it. Need not be disturb from it. In fact, honestly there will be more to come. My advice, it always easy to say do not take it to heart, but that don't happen in most cases. We have feelings and emotion and no matter how u hv given up hops on him, his words will sadden or anger you at times. The best solution is do not even bother talking to him. Everything goes thru SMS or email, in a way it become officially which during spite of anger he may make mistakes and be useful to your case.

Now, sis let being you back to your real problem. If yr heart is yearing for divorce, then you need to understand this: there are 4 basic criteria or divorce which you must fulfilled at least one to have a case.

1. Adultry (please, court need evidence. Hard solid evidence. Not just words or arguement and recorded voices of don't know who.)
2. Separation for 3 year which either parties can filed in for divorce with the other party reserving the rights to contest.
3. Separation for 4 years, no need contest. I.e whether he like it or not, as long I separate for 4 yrs, he in a LL situation.
4. Unreasonable act. ( as the word unreasonable is so wide and general, yet subjective, you must hv a clear case and evidence on this matter unless he is agreeable to divorce then you move on to phase 2 of talking the alimony, assets and etc)

So let's deal with yr most immediate problem first, establish a case that is valid and favourable to you. Also a slap on yrS face or a punch by yr hubby may be painful on yr skin, but will score a deep scar in his memory.it going to be a battle of wits ahead.

I suppose number 1 and 4 might apply to my case, depending in the strength of the evidence I can gather. I'm gathering my ammunition for the battle of wits :cool:

Btw I miss out another personal view which I like to share. If lawyers advice you to go for mediation or couple for couselling session, for goodness sake, please don't break social workers rice bowl. When u see a lawyer to file for divorce, u want to get yr stuff done. The way I see it, they jus wanna earn more cash from the client, drag the case, buy more time for them so they can concurrently work on other cases which may be more pressing and no time to do home works on yours.

Peace!

Yes, I can sense that from the lawyer. I was also advised to find a female lawyer who has a bit more empathy towards me rather than treating me like a cash cow. Cheers!

[missB]

"Exposure" is not the issue. The whole of Singapore knows that sammyboyforum.com is the nation's premier whoring site.

My question is why innocent young girls actually sign up for an account and start revealing intimate details about their lives in a forum meant for the exchange of whore information.

The collective experience is a wealth of knowledge. I'm sure my husband received a massive amount of information about HCs and masseuse from this forum.

To be honest with you, the forum inspired me. I actually want to learn from some of the masseuse how they can pleasure a man. My sample size is 1. I don't intend to play around. Maybe it is better to get a tutorial if the masseuse offer one.

As for the intimate details about life, I have options of sharing in a handbag forum, a mummy forum, a health forum among others, but I'd like to get the male perspective from men who have experience in this department.

If anyone knows of any whore offering a tutorial, please let me know :)


who better to give advice on wayward men, but wayward men themselves?

Touché!

[SA23]

If anyone knows of any whore offering a tutorial, please let me know :)


Y on earth would u want to learn of any whore tutorial? lol

[SammyHulk]

Instead of asking a Whor, maybe you can ask him? :p

http://img3.uploadhouse.com/fileuploads/16195/16195673-holder-4f1ecb9d28cb842374cf2c6f3f48ba3b.jpg (http://www.uploadhouse.com/viewfile.php?id=16195673&showlnk=0)

Seriously,think about it, Isn't it is better to self initiate with your man (if not the current one) and explore possible sexual fantasies he might have? If he truly loves you, he might also want to know how he is able to serve your needs too? Make love and having sex imo is different. the 1st is about heighten sense of sexual fulfillment for both parties and the latter is about Self orgasm. :p

[redhun]

Y on earth would u want to learn of any whore tutorial? lol

Yes why? Even if u can pleasure him better thn any other woman am i right to say his problem lies in keeping to ONE woman?

[SA23]

Yes why? Even if u can pleasure him better thn any other woman am i right to say his problem lies in keeping to ONE woman?

Correct!....Coz even u can have the best skill in the world he will still be on the lookout for fresh and younger gals. I feel the only way really to keep a man to yourself will be the emo and love u had for each other. It really depends on hw much he love u, if he really love u most likely is he won't do anything behind ur back. Quote myself as example....

1) 1st marriage - i love her and got marry but my love for her not deep enough and during tat time still young so i still look for FL. (Ended in divorce)

2) 2nd marriage - my love for her is way stronger and deeper then my 1st marriage wife so because of her i totally cut myself off from all ECA and devote my everything to her. I let her control my money everything...but sad to say end up she run away wif another guy who can provide her wif more things.

Man will jump at any oppunitity to stray but if he do love u alot he will think twice and will not do anything to hurt u

[nstern]

If u are worried about the practices of the church, talk to a church elder. I'm sure you are not the first case they encounter. Some of them look all harmless and approachable but they have lots of experience so just try talking to one you are comfortable with.

Actually if i were u, the moment he laid hands on me, the answer is clear as day. Unfaithful husbands can change, but I think wife beaters won't.

[gigigagago]

Had to compress the quote for it to look neater (and prevent from getting zapped for quoting in full :)).



1. Technicality

... ...

It's certainly good to know you have come to a conclusion that both agree would be for the best. It is amusing he called to scream when asking for a favour actually. He might have forgotten whose court the ball is on. But hey, importantly, you don't have to live with that anymore. I'm sure everybody is happy for you for that alone.

2. Love

... ...

You are smart and also sentimental - which is an attractive combination. It's great for those of us - who have participated and shared with you opinions - to know that you could see things as they are by not making it worse (not indulging in drama), and then better than they are (looking for lessons to learn from the experience). Not many when the going gets tough will be able to do that. You have my utmost support and humble respect. Attagirl. ;)

I agree with you that if it's not working for you, it sure doesn't for him either. Letting yourselves free would do a whole lot of good to both.

3. Sex

... ...

Oh, of course I certainly do not hope that you'd think I'm suggesting you to "sleep around" for the sake of. Lmao. I also wasn't saying you're a prude... But thanks for trying to clarify anyway. ;)

I just had similar-minded female companions whom I've enjoyed the company of and vice versa, weren't attached (no rules were broken), and comfortable enough to be between the sheets together.

So, I was really just saying that the wonderful ladies had provided me experiences which I could use to derive whether any future acquaintances would be compatible sexually, assumingly of course if that helps. Guess nobody really knows.

Anyhow, it really is fantastic that the people who loved you unconditionally will continue to do so and support you and be with you. Everybody deserves to be treated with love, respect and kindness.

I sincerely hope a new beginning and a new career will bring you to a new life with happiness and zest. Let us know. :)

[gigigagago]

"Exposure" is not the issue. The whole of Singapore knows that sammyboyforum.com is the nation's premier whoring site.

My question is why innocent young girls actually sign up for an account and start revealing intimate details about their lives in a forum meant for the exchange of whore information.

Haha because this premier site also has a section called Matters of the Heart, and subscribers of this site are mainly men, and of many characteristics. It's a Holy Grail of sorts for the answers these ladies seek.

Even so, without the exposure, not many female counterparts would know of the forum's existence - young or old they may be. Oh men would, but of course. :)

[missB]

Y on earth would u want to learn of any whore tutorial? lol

I am inspired by Adriana (Marion Cotillard) from Midnight in Paris!

Instead of asking a Whor, maybe you can ask him? :p

http://img3.uploadhouse.com/fileuploads/16195/16195673-holder-4f1ecb9d28cb842374cf2c6f3f48ba3b.jpg (http://www.uploadhouse.com/viewfile.php?id=16195673&showlnk=0)

Seriously,think about it, Isn't it is better to self initiate with your man (if not the current one) and explore possible sexual fantasies he might have? If he truly loves you, he might also want to know how he is able to serve your needs too? Make love and having sex imo is different. the 1st is about heighten sense of sexual fulfillment for both parties and the latter is about Self orgasm. :p

Wooh, I would surely ask him if I had the chance!

It is true, better to self initiate. I recalled numerous occasions where he serves my needs. He is quite a lovely man when he puts his acts together.

Yes why? Even if u can pleasure him better thn any other woman am i right to say his problem lies in keeping to ONE woman?

True that!

Correct!....Coz even u can have the best skill in the world he will still be on the lookout for fresh and younger gals. I feel the only way really to keep a man to yourself will be the emo and love u had for each other. It really depends on hw much he love u, if he really love u most likely is he won't do anything behind ur back. Quote myself as example....

1) 1st marriage - i love her and got marry but my love for her not deep enough and during tat time still young so i still look for FL. (Ended in divorce)

2) 2nd marriage - my love for her is way stronger and deeper then my 1st marriage wife so because of her i totally cut myself off from all ECA and devote my everything to her. I let her control my money everything...but sad to say end up she run away wif another guy who can provide her wif more things.

Man will jump at any oppunitity to stray but if he do love u alot he will think twice and will not do anything to hurt u

I do think he really loves me. He is just very good at compartmentalising wife, EC sex, and is still relatively young.

I am sorry about your experience. You are a wiser person now. Thank you for sharing!

[Sg35Drew]

he will not change as i myself do tat too ....but if u think ur bored then u should enjoy urself but be safe. jus an advise.





Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?

[Sg35Drew]

sorry missb but it juz guys whom dont have the pride to give in to good wife like you. hope u feeling better after everyone tat given u advise here too.

[SA23]

I do think he really loves me. He is just very good at compartmentalising wife, EC sex, and is still relatively young.

I am sorry about your experience. You are a wiser person now. Thank you for sharing!

If u put the words (I do think) tat means u r not very 100% sure he really love u or not, he is good in compartmentalising wife, ECA tat mean all along even b4 the marriage he shd have start playing or been a player already

Sometime we have to learn the hard way b4 we can wake up from our ideas....We all will grow up and to learn from mistake is the best way to improve ourselve.

[cherubim1646]

I think you should have a talk with him. See how he talks. Sometimes observation is best.

If he treasures your love then he will be back to you but if he does not, most likely he loves them more than you.

He is somewhat putting himself at risk by doing raw with those ladies.

[cherubim1646]

Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?

It feels like he had claim a victory or trophy when he claim your virginity and marrying you.

It feels like a player to me. My Sixth Sense

[asdfghjkl]

why would a player marry a woman just to get her virginity? :confused:

[missB]

I think you should have a talk with him. See how he talks. Sometimes observation is best.

If he treasures your love then he will be back to you but if he does not, most likely he loves them more than you.

He is somewhat putting himself at risk by doing raw with those ladies.

I did have a long talk with him. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and will respect whatever decision I made.

Bless him.


It feels like he had claim a victory or trophy when he claim your virginity and marrying you.

It feels like a player to me. My Sixth Sense

He is a player, no doubt. He does however have a streak of conservative values. Just a streak.

[Ganbuaysua]

TS, dun be confused. Do wat a woman got to do got to do!

[Ladyrain]

why would a player marry a woman just to get her virginity? :confused:

Sometimes, men marries the one whom they see her as his future children's mother. :)

[Rickey]

How did all these young girls end up in a whoring forum for men????:eek:

I'm amazed that so many have ended up here over the last couple of years.:p

"Exposure" is not the issue. The whole of Singapore knows that sammyboyforum.com is the nation's premier whoring site.

My question is why innocent young girls actually sign up for an account and start revealing intimate details about their lives in a forum meant for the exchange of whore information.

Permit me to say, boss, tat tis is bcos they hv been directed to ur site which as u say is known popularly to almost all pple in SG n which has this "Matter of Heart " section where these young n not-so-young ladies can come find help n advice for their marital or other r/s problems. Am glad n know of many of these gals esp the wifeys who hv benefited doing so.

[iossshee]

missB

FIRSTLY, if you are a holy religious person you should not be here in SBF forum.

Dun you have best friend or sibling to talk or seek advise from. What kind of advise do you think you can get from here whom you dun know them well. Thats your marriage ... what answer would you like to get to start this threat ... what your motive ...

If i am not wrong your husband do visit this threat and you want him to see this THREAT ... just to let everyone know RIGHT ... that a revenge not a religious person will do...

You wanna to know how to divorce go talk to the lawyer ...

[iossshee]

Frankly speaking missB

You both are adults sit down and talk that is the best way to do. And pls in your conversation dun always put the question as in me ME this will prevent you from finding the answer you wanna know form him...

To start a marriage we need both hands to claps and Sacrifies ... ...
You cant put yourelf down is just that you trusted him and give your Virginity to him thats where you are furious about where he got your precious thing you keep for so long yet he turn his back on you. A pieces of advise put this behind sit down and talk it will make you understand him more...

A COUPLE LIVE TOGETHER IS EASY .... A COUPLE START AN AGUEMENT IS NOT THEY FORGET THE LOVE THEY HAVE ... THE MOST DIFFICULT PART FOR A COUPLE TO DO IS TO FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER WHEN THIS THINGS HAPPENED ...

[WIBlack]

I did have a long talk with him. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and will respect whatever decision I made.

Bless him.

missB,

Not that I want to throw cold water on you, but since he already respect your decision, he won't change and will carry on his hobbies. If you forgive him, he will expect you to learn and be brave if you found out he is at them again.

I understand that you love him a lot and cannot let go. It is not easy. A sis in this section told me it takes time, months - years to get over it, depending on your determination and support. I am now trying to get over mine (I am still with him) and ocassionally, shadows will pass by me, and I will shudder everyday at certain times which he acted previously. The thing is, you have to ask yourself, you want him to give up all these, will he? If he can't, what are you going to do? What are the chances of him going back to his old ways, 50-50% or 80-20%?

I believe he loves you and marry you, because you are so clean and just the perfect one for him to marry, so kind, so sweet and highly educated, from rich family too. You will make him proud and will be a good mother.

Honestly, you have the answers within yourself, just try to dig it up and think how you can look at other ways to make your choice a good one without hurting too much of yourself. Remember this, LOVE YOURSELF! Take care of yourself first in such situation.

To find evidence for divorce, you have to hire PI to do the tailing job for you and they will know how to get proofs. No use producing the receipts of HCs as most of them claim to be clean. Mine went to a clean HC but then, he was offered Happy Endings till he ended up Happy Endings with that slut privately.

Good bless you and stay strong.

[missB]

missB,

Not that I want to throw cold water on you, but since he already respect your decision, he won't change and will carry on his hobbies. If you forgive him, he will expect you to learn and be brave if you found out he is at them again.

I understand that you love him a lot and cannot let go. It is not easy. A sis in this section told me it takes time, months - years to get over it, depending on your determination and support. I am now trying to get over mine (I am still with him) and ocassionally, shadows will pass by me, and I will shudder everyday at certain times which he acted previously. The thing is, you have to ask yourself, you want him to give up all these, will he? If he can't, what are you going to do? What are the chances of him going back to his old ways, 50-50% or 80-20%?

I believe he loves you and marry you, because you are so clean and just the perfect one for him to marry, so kind, so sweet and highly educated, from rich family too. You will make him proud and will be a good mother.

Honestly, you have the answers within yourself, just try to dig it up and think how you can look at other ways to make your choice a good one without hurting too much of yourself. Remember this, LOVE YOURSELF! Take care of yourself first in such situation.

To find evidence for divorce, you have to hire PI to do the tailing job for you and they will know how to get proofs. No use producing the receipts of HCs as most of them claim to be clean. Mine went to a clean HC but then, he was offered Happy Endings till he ended up Happy Endings with that slut privately.

Good bless you and stay strong.

I can identify with you with the part about HCs.

It is not easy to make the decision, although I think I know what to do. At times, I'm tempted to just give up on life.

[missB]

missB

FIRSTLY, if you are a holy religious person you should not be here in SBF forum.

Dun you have best friend or sibling to talk or seek advise from. What kind of advise do you think you can get from here whom you dun know them well. Thats your marriage ... what answer would you like to get to start this threat ... what your motive ...

If i am not wrong your husband do visit this threat and you want him to see this THREAT ... just to let everyone know RIGHT ... that a revenge not a religious person will do...

You wanna to know how to divorce go talk to the lawyer ...

Firstly, If you think i said said I am a holy, religious person, I am not. I am only trying to spare my parents' feelings. They are religious people.

My friends will give biased advice because they want to make me feel better which do not essentially give me an opportunity to get frank opinions such as the one you just gave.

I did talk to the lawyer. Two more years of waiting. Thank you, btw. :)

[Rickey]

missB
FIRSTLY, if you are a holy religious person you should not be here in SBF forum.

Dun you have best friend or sibling to talk or seek advise from. What kind of advise do you think you can get from here whom you dun know them well. Thats your marriage ... what answer would you like to get to start this threat ... what your motive ...

If i am not wrong your husband do visit this threat and you want him to see this THREAT ... just to let everyone know RIGHT ... that a revenge not a religious person will do...



Firstly, If you think i said said I am a holy, religious person, I am not. I am only trying to spare my parents' feelings. They are religious people.

My friends will give biased advice because they want to make me feel better which do not essentially give me an opportunity to get frank opinions such as the one you just gave.

I did talk to the lawyer. Two more years of waiting. Thank you, btw.
Believe one shd not be so unwelcoming to pple who come to you or ur place to seek help n advice when they are troubled or are in trouble. Normal human nature is to welcome tat person and provide watever help possible for him/her to the best of our ability. :)

To MissB, i empathise wif u in ur problem wif ur HB so soon into ur marriage :(. Hope the many advices here frm so many kind bros n sis hv helped you a lot to understand ur HB's philandering ways n to weigh all the options available to u n help u decide wats the next best course of action to take for urself n ur future happiness regarding his infidelity n betrayal. :) Take care n hope u come out of tis problem a happier & stronger person ! My sincere best wishes to you !..:)

[kmstore]

Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?


I think u did a right thing to do a health check. The next thing u should do is get this person out of your life.

Well, all men cheats. But there is a limit i guess.

[missB]

I think u did a right thing to do a health check. The next thing u should do is get this person out of your life.

Well, all men cheats. But there is a limit i guess.


And the limit is relative, I suppose... depending on how much the wife can accept?

[prak961]

And the limit is relative, I suppose... depending on how much the wife can accept?

In most cases, the limit is dictated by the wallet. :D

I read your previous posts & would like to say that it may be possible for you to get proof, especially if your husband used credit cards to pay for his escapades. Your lawyer should know how to get the statements.

On another note, it is possible that your husband has sexual perversions or fantasies which he does not feel he can engage with you. (You have already stated your religious & orthodox background) Samsters who have visited the HCs & WL you have named may be able to provide some info on the special services provided by those WL. Admin may allow you to open a new thread requesting this information.

Whether you wish to reconcile or divorce, information you gather will let you know what you are facing.

Wish you best of luck whether you decide to divorce or reconcile.

[Rickey]

I think u did a right thing to do a health check. The next thing u should do is get this person out of your life.

Well, all men cheats. But there is a limit i guess.

And the limit is relative, I suppose... depending on how much the wife can accept?

Yes, believe both are rite...there is a limit...but each person has got different tolerance level...the limit really depends on the wife concerned. But i don agree fully wif the statement tat "ALL men cheats"...there are those few who don cos they already hav a very good, loving and understanding r/s wif their partners..they don need to cheat at all. Just my 3 cents worth of tot...

[Chris888]

Hello TS,

Firstly , I am sorry to hear about what happened to your marriage and according to my point of view , there's no way your husband is going to change. He is exactly as beastly as me. I can fuck another girl and talk to my gf saying I'm coming home and than after that text another girl while doing the deed with another girl.

MEN WILL NEVER CHANGE. Unless in your case you have a child with him than maybe.. i mean children do make marraiges to be back on the bright side. Anyway.. just leave this piece of shit , he will never change , trust me.. get evidence, hire a PI so you religious family side will get to see the whole picture... and won't blame you..

But since you already said your family is those old fashioned conversative side.. i think you will still get condeomed no matter what happens lah.. you know those relatives like to talk cock behind you '' eh that so and so just divorce leh.. must be she cannot keep the husband.. '' all these type of shit. But since your educated in the WEST i believe you posses a more open minded concept and won't take it to heart what others say...

Just leave your fucking husband and than get alimony money every month la.. who ask him so fuck up to you.

P.S. Judging that your husband can actually fuck anything which has a hole and he has basically fuck many tons of girls before.. and I am sure that your really mesmerizing in person and looks if not he also won't choose you to be his wife right? So don't worry about not being able to re marry. All men are visual creatures.. ;)

[prak961]

missB

FIRSTLY, if you are a holy religious person you should not be here in SBF forum.



IMHO, there is nothing wrong in a religious person visiting SBF. Most samsters DO NOT engage in criminal activity & actively discourage underaged sex. Nor does anyone on this forum advocate rape or sexual abuse.

If you read the responses to the TS, no one has advised her to "cheat on her husband". This shows that she has made a good choice in requesting advise here. This proves that most samsters are responsible members of society.:cool:

[prak961]

deleted (duplicate)

[efftee]

Actually, if your spouse is agreeable, technically you can get an annulment of marriage..

http://www.yeolaw.com.sg/annulment.html

[missB]

Actually, if your spouse is agreeable, technically you can get an annulment of marriage..

http://www.yeolaw.com.sg/annulment.html

Thank you!

The lawyer I spoke with has no experience in this, probably. I did ask about a nullity, but he declined and would rather pursue the divorce option. I wonder if anyone knows of any lawyer experienced in annulment.

[missB]

In most cases, the limit is dictated by the wallet. :D

I read your previous posts & would like to say that it may be possible for you to get proof, especially if your husband used credit cards to pay for his escapades. Your lawyer should know how to get the statements.

On another note, it is possible that your husband has sexual perversions or fantasies which he does not feel he can engage with you. (You have already stated your religious & orthodox background) Samsters who have visited the HCs & WL you have named may be able to provide some info on the special services provided by those WL. Admin may allow you to open a new thread requesting this information.

Whether you wish to reconcile or divorce, information you gather will let you know what you are facing.

Wish you best of luck whether you decide to divorce or reconcile.

Thank you for the perspective.

The credit cards would hdefinitely have HCs and Spas as merchants. However, they are circumstantial evidence, not a concrete proof of him taking up the happy ending offer. Will this be sufficient evidence?

Would I be able to use information on the special services provided by the HCs and WLs as evidence to get a divorce?

[missB]

Hello TS,

Firstly , I am sorry to hear about what happened to your marriage and according to my point of view , there's no way your husband is going to change. He is exactly as beastly as me. I can fuck another girl and talk to my gf saying I'm coming home and than after that text another girl while doing the deed with another girl.

MEN WILL NEVER CHANGE. Unless in your case you have a child with him than maybe.. i mean children do make marraiges to be back on the bright side. Anyway.. just leave this piece of shit , he will never change , trust me.. get evidence, hire a PI so you religious family side will get to see the whole picture... and won't blame you..

But since you already said your family is those old fashioned conversative side.. i think you will still get condeomed no matter what happens lah.. you know those relatives like to talk cock behind you '' eh that so and so just divorce leh.. must be she cannot keep the husband.. '' all these type of shit. But since your educated in the WEST i believe you posses a more open minded concept and won't take it to heart what others say...

Just leave your fucking husband and than get alimony money every month la.. who ask him so fuck up to you.

P.S. Judging that your husband can actually fuck anything which has a hole and he has basically fuck many tons of girls before.. and I am sure that your really mesmerizing in person and looks if not he also won't choose you to be his wife right? So don't worry about not being able to re marry. All men are visual creatures.. ;)

Great perspective, and very honest. Thank you. Yes, I do believe that he still loves me despite doing the deed with WLs and other ladies.

I cannot accept that. Will give him a chance to defend himself with regards to my divorce proposition, and if he gets violent, it is clear that waiting 2 years for divorce is better than waiting a lifetime for a change that will never happen.

[Bodyache]

Hey MissB

Let me be really blunt n frank.... I am no angel but.....

To use Ang Pao money for HC???!! Sorry I can never stomach something like that.

Please for the goodness of your heart....Leave HIM!

I can't guarantee a Prince Charming should you leave you but I can guarantee you one thing.... HE IS NOT ONE!

Sorry for the emotion... Just can't take his shit

Hey there! I've got a few dilemmas. Help?

This is my first post on SBF, which is btw a great source of information for a naive young girl like me.

I come from a very religious family, sheltered and never been curious enough to go out for an adventure. I've never gone to a club despite spending many years living in Western countries and truly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

I got married in Singapore last year, at 25. I lost my virginity to him. Two days after we came back from our honeymoon, my husband started going to HCs, twice a week and increasing in frequency, up to twice a night.

The stupid thing is, I only found out a month later, when I saw all the HC receipts. When I waited for him to fetch me from work, he always told me he was held back at work. The receipts proved that he was at HCs instead. And yes, he used our wedding ang pao.

I left Singapore to go to grad school in Europe two weeks after I found out he had been cheating on me. Over the semester, we had a long distance marriage, and things seemed to have improved over the phone. I returned in December, for a short holiday.

Little did I know that I was in for a rough surprise. He had still been going to HCs, especially Galaxy/Oriental and THC. He was SMSing Sun, Sharon, and Trisya, always arranging to meet with them. "Baby, make sure you are nit having your period at our next appointment." They never fail to send him 'thank you' messages after his visit. He must be a pretty important customer.

I found out that when he went on business trips, he hired escorts too (I saw the SMSes on his business phone). The one in Eastern Europe was pretty expensive! He also told clients that he's single and hooked up with some of them, who continued SMSing him, thinking that they have a future together. This is not to mention his activity on dating sites! He met up with a few girls, and from one SMS, I understood he molested one of his dates.

Oh my God.

I know he can't cum with condom, so I'm quite sure he did them raw, or at least raw blowjob. Did an STD test here in Europe and hubby got angry when he found out. I am merely concerned about my health.

What do I do now? I feel pretty screwed up, especially since he had been picking fights with me over the last few weeks. We can't divorce yet, because the marriage isn't 3 years old yet. I feel cheated.

He told me he wants to change. He still wants to be my husband. Do I give him a chance? Am I stupid for even thinking about giving him a chance?

When he was 23, he had sex with a 46 y.o. MILF by the initial of DT. He sweet talked her into sex although she was reluctant, and never contacted her again until he feels the urge for the next booty call. She was pretty bitter about it. I got in touch with DT and she told me that a leopard will never change its spots and I should run as quickly as I can.

If I divorce him, will I ever find prince charming? Or the idea of a faithful man is just stupid? Should I just swallow my pride and close my eyes to what he's up to?

[dodoboy]

it's such a pity that your "husband" screwed up so bad, if there ever is a time for him to chance upon this thread. i do hope that he would be filled with guilt so intense, a lifetime would never be able to wash it away.

honestly, much as you are discussing about the divorce. you are not really that fixed and firm on executing it, therefore the delay till now. that is what i see i guess, i may be wrong.

but for a lady, to be treated in such manner. is kinda touching to know, that till now. she is still trying to find a reason for herself to hold on.

bottom line, we guys are all assholes in a way to be honest. but the courtesy to "wipe our mouths" does give our ladies a form of respect and also to show that she means more than whatever we meet outside.

hope this tides over for you soon. take care (:

[dodoboy]

and yay ! i just realised that i'm no more under moderation ! and here my virgin unmodded post goes to !

sorry to hijack. lol.