Marital affair

[pychan]

Dear all cheongster,

this is first time i write to the forum, this is real stories and i need some advise.
Thanks you in advanced.

Abt myself, i am considered a good loving husband until 4 years, my first involved cheonging intro by friends, but i am not regular, just once a while.

Until recently, i meet up with a girl, also looking for NSA. we are so clicked, and loving each other. She is currently attached too.

This girl, is pretty, tall , elegant, professional jobs. If you just look at her, you will never though she will having NSA with me.
Esp in bed, she is good in very aspect. Well trained by his boyfriend,

We meet up once a week, and sometime overnite. Until recently things goign overboard, Our initial purpose, is just to release stress and tension for both of us having sex.
But we develop a true love feeling. i love her and she love me.
in a same time i cant leave my wife and she cant leave her bf.

Previously, until discussion, she wanna be with me and wan to leave her bf, she ask me willing for me to do the same. just to be with her.

I cant give an answer to her. Of course these will upset her, she is thinking she is willing scarifies for me, and i willing to do the same for her.

dear all,

any advised what i should do next???

[Quraisy]

well,

leave her and go back to your wife...

[owl888]

My bet Sam Boss gonna lecture u and correct ur grammar :D

[Babygirlzz]

Go back to your wife. Nothing is worth your family. Nothing.

[tanman]

Confirmed trouble if you continue...anyway I was more concerned what you wrote...".Esp in bed, she is good in very aspect. Well trained by his boyfriend." ..his???? I got a shock...why a she becomes a he...

[Quraisy]

OMG....haha shemale?

[pychan]

dear all,

she is pure 100% girl.
sorry for my grammar.

I mean not only in bed, she is caring loving, when i sick, she is taking good care of me,
sensible person.

i really dunno what to do next??

[Tai_zi21]

Quick ques

do u have any kids?

And it a very thin line btw love and lust only....

[pychan]

no kids yet

it is not lust,
we sometime spending time together like movie, dinner, sleep ( without any sex)

I clearly now, that i love her now

one day no see her message, missing her like crazy

[BigGuy]

New, fresh and personal gratification always rule big head.

So another 4 years with a new girl looking for NSA and cycle goes again.

[tingx]

Stay on with family ah! Omg.
Nothing is worth family.
Fling fling is fling, wifey is most impt. :)

[danetan]

Sometimes its just about meeting the right person at a wrong time. Its hard to decide and I understand. But pls try to do the right thing. No matter what your outcome is, someone is going to get hurt.

[valiumHealth]

Dear Psychan,

I urge you to handle this seriously and carefully.

You might want to talk things out with your wife and try to be sweeter to her and see if there's any chance to reignite the flame. After all you two are married.
When you are trying, probably you'd want to put all your heart into doing that and not give up halfway and say she's not appreciating and lie to yourself because you are finding an excuse to leave her for the now "fresh meat"

If you have tried and felt that she really is not well, giving back much or care, you might want to consider leaving her (your wife). Especially when there's no kids. When you have a kid already. I am telling you. It is a definite no no.

If you still love your wife, really do try.

Sit down and think very hard to yourself.

What are the things that make you love your wife so much and the sweet things she has done for you that made you marry her.

I can totally understand and relate to why some guys, a loving husband in the end still ends up cheating on their wives. Unless, you're not that kind of husband. I suggest that you work something out with your wife, have a talk or even approach a marriage counsellor.

Do take note that and a reminder to you, during a marriage, your wife caught you cheating and has evidences. They can be used against you to make your life hell and get monetary benefits from you.

So please do not make rash decisions okie bro?

[valiumHealth]

oh, and another thing that might help you consider.

If she has a bf and is doing such things behind her bf's back.

What makes you think she won't do the same to you and dump you for another in future too?

[Quraisy]

Bro,

its better to return back to your wife, do remember the vows which you have made on yr wedding day...

The girl is just another excitement you have in your life which will come and go..in due time...

[sexcalculator99]

The cycle don't stop. The green always seems greener on the other side but is it?
You cross the line. If can't play by the rules, don't play.
Period

[mrhumsap]

if she can cheat on her bf and nsa with u
there is no guarantee that she will not do the same to you.
think wisely, best is to go back to your faithfully wife

[mrhumsap]

drink milk outside but dont bring the cow home...:D

[Krazzie]

New, fresh and personal gratification always rule big head.

So another 4 years with a new girl looking for NSA and cycle goes again.

Quoted For The Truth....

Bro, there is a saying "You don't marry the girl you love most" I think it actually means in marriages love is not the most important thing. So consider this carefully which woman will you wanna spend the rest of your life with.. and which woman is the one you can see yourself grow old with.

Luckily you have no kids yet..

[Bodyache]

Go back to your wife. Nothing is worth your family. Nothing.

Well said! Have your fun but please do not leave the family...

[rat967]

Bro,

its better to return back to your wife, do remember the vows which you have made on yr wedding day...

The girl is just another excitement you have in your life which will come and go..in due time...

I strongly agree wit his bro !! I Fling too .but end of day I still return to my family !

[flamboyant]

Don't be silly. Go back to your wife.

[dvdfreak]

Yeah bro, heed the advise, play, dump and look for another one.... just like i do...

[nogo]

TS, you have had lots of replies and well meaning advises and I gather you are still in 2 minds as to what your true feelings are (been there done that). I used the words "your true feelings" singularly as very frankly you, at this point in time should not be considering the feelings of your NSA. It is your decision and yours alone as you stand to lose more and go through a lot more pain and hell than your NSA. Bear in mind you will be messing up 3 lives and probably a few others more along the way.

Think through the following as objectively as possible:

1. What was your original objective in linking up with her?
2. Why are you deviating from your original objective?
3. Lust turned to Love?? or is it Lust turned to Puppy Love?? I think the later is truer as yes, grown up married men still can develop crushes and puppy love. Some calls it their "Second or 3rd Spring". I have known of men who "fell in love" with the prostitute they visit regularly. Is that love??
4. As a bro here have said, if your NSA can do it to her bf what makes you so sure it will not happen to you too??
5. Is leaving your Wife your back up plan in the relationship with your NSA?? You know the answer to that better.

So, that's my 2cents worth. but think carefully. And if you ever decide to call it quits with the NSA, do it one time...cut off contact completely. Yes it will be painful for you and her but that's the only way, don't leave lingering doubts. The pain will go away with time.

Take care and all the best.

[mrhumsap]

i believe u are now of 2 minds, after having so many response from bro here.
you want to have the best of both world:(
you are reluctant to let go of her cos you have spend so much effort to win her which others will envy so my advice is to be very upfront with her that you are not ready to leave your wife for her and store for time while searching your true feeling...:cool:
on the other hand you have to be discreet and not to arouse your wife suspicion

Take care

[pychan]

dear all,

thanks for all advise.

I am really not ready to let go both.
and i also know i cannot have both together, as it will hurt someone.
At the end sure someone will get hurt.

she is a very good girl to me, she into NSA because of pressure / stress and lack of time by her bf. beside this is a caring, filial, nice, pretty, elegant, profesional. her bf is much a good person, wealth, nice looking, only lack fo time for her.
She willing to give up all this just to be with me. Frankly speaking, i am not handsome, i am not rich, but she like my companionship and caring to her.



i am not sure this is "2nd spring", as i know the feeling is much stronger than my first gf or my wife when we start dating ( i am comparing the most peak of moment compare my previous 2 woman). I mean beside sex, she always in my mind now, whenever i free, i miss her, when i driving, i also thinking of her. Reading her emails and sms, make my days brighter.

I still cant figure any way without hurting anyone. I cant be selfish to let woman hurt, this i know clearly , but i really dunno what to do now.

very stressful now

[asdfghjkl]

But we develop a true love feeling. i love her and she love me.

how do you know this for a fact? :o

[Iemanishere]

Bro, go back to ur wife.. Always know we're is home

[insultress]

The fact that you are here seeking opinions is more than enough for me to assume you arent sure. if you're not sure then it aint love darling. if it were you wouldnt even have to ask as u'd already know the answer and would have made the choice yourself.

Its just a passing phase of some new and exciting thrill from your everyday norm. its the forbidden fruit theory. once u make her yours permanently whats to say it wont eventually end up like how it is now with you and your wife? im sure it was once beautiful between u and your wife and hence the decision to get married right? unless u say it was some shotgun affair and u did it out of responsibility or other situations as such.

stick with your wife. she(nsa girl) is obviously getting sticky. if she did indeed love you and had thoughts of being with you, plus not feel anything for her bf, she would have left him for you and waited to be with u only. the fact that even she is holding on to her bf and waiting for u to decide shows that she is being smart. lasting relationships like marriages dont just run on sex alone as over time it gets weary n old even with the occasional spark n twist thrown in. its the relationship foundation built on trust, communication and understanding that eventually brings it together. if its the thrill ur after then by all means keep doing what ur doing n changing the partner when things start to go down hill. that way it'll nvr die down nor get boring but u'll never have the stable confortzone to return to as when in a marriage.

[American]

Take care.

[ston]

dear all,

thanks for all advise.

I am really not ready to let go both.
and i also know i cannot have both together, as it will hurt someone.
At the end sure someone will get hurt.

she is a very good girl to me, she into NSA because of pressure / stress and lack of time by her bf. beside this is a caring, filial, nice, pretty, elegant, profesional. her bf is much a good person, wealth, nice looking, only lack fo time for her.
She willing to give up all this just to be with me. Frankly speaking, i am not handsome, i am not rich, but she like my companionship and caring to her.



i am not sure this is "2nd spring", as i know the feeling is much stronger than my first gf or my wife when we start dating ( i am comparing the most peak of moment compare my previous 2 woman). I mean beside sex, she always in my mind now, whenever i free, i miss her, when i driving, i also thinking of her. Reading her emails and sms, make my days brighter.

I still cant figure any way without hurting anyone. I cant be selfish to let woman hurt, this i know clearly , but i really dunno what to do now.

very stressful now

Married here with kids and also looking out for fun.

Bro, like/xi huan is not love.

Love is a commitment, even if ugly or sick etc, you also love and take care. That is your wife.

Now there is this new girl which you like, just like ur old girlfriend (now wife).

American mama san say. Sometimes, men stray to stay...

Sometime it is hard for men to stay with just one, we go out to de-stress and have some fun only. Keep it that way.

[demonorc]

Bro,
Being someone that is somehow similiar.

To her,it is painful as she has to see you go back to your and not spend important dates with her such as new year christmas.

You have to consider very carefully before making an decision if youwant to be her.
Gotto discuss if she accepts being your mistress.

[ston]

Bro,
Being someone that is somehow similiar.

To her,it is painful as she has to see you go back to your and not spend important dates with her such as new year christmas.

You have to consider very carefully before making an decision if youwant to be her.
Gotto discuss if she accepts being your mistress.

If worry she painful, wife not painful meh?

TS action already prove he is a bastard already, just be a good fuck buddy. Rest of it, just be bastard lah. Nan bu huai, nu bu ai.

If he marry new gf, nothing good will come out too.(both cheating type).

[demonorc]

Wat one does not know does not hurt. Make sure both stay happy

[thomas88]

I'd say it depends on whether you and your wife are still an item before and after you met this NSA. If you both have been treating each other as husband and wife(with or without sex) til now then you should tell the NSA that you can never leave your wife as you've made the wedding vow with her.

If she understands and won't mind just to be your FB then you're lucky else leave it and return back to your family. To me......nothing is more important than family. Even though you don't have kids with your wife, you've created a place call home with her.

[bombshell]

Going back to the wife end of the day is still the answer.Remember what u guys agreed on when u start the fling?Like what one bro mentioned..won't she do it behind your back too when she can do so to the boyfriend...she got nothing to lose..you stand to lose everything.well this is just my views,u still got to decide cos it's still your own personal affair.

[LovePotion]

Go back to your wife mate.. Cheating is never right. :):)

[asdfghjkl]

Love is a commitment, even if ugly or sick etc, you also love and take care.

really moved by this phrase.. thanks for reminding me about it.. :)

[dream888]

Sorry mate,

Only cheongsters here, cheong outside and don't bring it home, remember that!

IMHO: A lot of girls always like married man, because they can commit unlike single cheongsters. If U set a precedent, what's to stop U in few years time to leave this woman for another upgrade.

[LovePotion]

Mate.. a family is never worth breaking up man. The love of a family is one that cannot be found elsewhere. But whatever u may choose to do.. I hope you have a clear conscience

[Lexus118]

If you leave, Wife will Whack Half your Asset Away!
You're got to pay Maintenance for kids and Wife.
If you Ready to give up All that for the other party, then go find your True Love.

[navras]

Bro, end out the day.
YOU have to decide who to be with,
Wife or GF.
But be warned,if you dragged it for too long eventually all 3 parties will be hurted.

[mrhumsap]

not worth getting serious with a NSA:D

[Forastart]

Bro...now might be the honeymoon period between u both..but think,didn't this 'period' also happened before to your wife n u? Theres nothing more to think now at this time, just get yourself up nd running back to your normal self..else u be hurting all 3..time will heal.. 人走茶凉...

[iossshee]

bro thats a great problem its all depend on you ...

to me you enjoy sex with this girl ... if you stick with your wife do you think that u still can perform on bed that well with your eyes stare into your wife eyes or you just close your eyes and finish it for the day just for the sick of a husband duty ???? pls woman can sense it .. especially your wife been sleeping with you for that long ... do you think is fair to your wife ???? your is thinking of the girl while you are F'king your wife ...

I am in this position before .... is all really up on you .... ???

[niceman55]

Affair good for man,, Help man to achieve better sex life....me got 3 affair till date..

Youngest 19 yr old, every week sure call me for sex, sometimes twice..very song indeed

[PeteTsang69]

Affair good for man,, Help man to achieve better sex life....me got 3 affair till date..

Youngest 19 yr old, every week sure call me for sex, sometimes twice..very song indeed

Bro niceman55 ...you really 55?

sounds like you have a story to tell us .. tell tell tell :D

still doing now? ...how it started with this 19 syt? ..how long together? ...

[Papadude]

TS,

BGS relationship even if you break a thousand time, you have not commitment at all
But
In Marriage, you divorce ur wife, status is Divorcee and you need to give maintenance..

Since your first gutsy trial is NSA, why committ now...
In every games, there are Rules and Regulations.

If this girl can "EAT" behind her BF back, She can do it likewise on you..

Think Wise Bro.. Take Care...

[yang punk]

NSA? Looks like the noose is tightening around TS 's neck now! :rolleyes:

[sammyboyfor]

When are people going to learn that there is no such thing as "No strings attached" relationship. :rolleyes: Fucking produces oxytocin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin) and a conscious effort has to be made not to allow this hormone to influence rational thought. If you can't, you're dead meat. As the saying goes... don't play with fire. You'll get burnt.

The closest thing to an NSA arrangement is a pay-per-fuck transaction but even then you have idiots that fuck a broad a couple of times and then declare that they have fallen in love with a whore. :eek:

[Newbie88]

Leave that girl and go back to your wife.
Obviously this had crossed the lines of a NSA rs and escalated.
Bro, never let someone who started for fun to ruined what you
Already had. This is a taboo in "fun". You must always remind yourself this is NOT what you had started the rs for.

Best of luck to you bro. :)

[Legacy GT Turbo]

Good Luck to you if u choose NSA

[valiumHealth]

Bro, i know you're cock yang yang/itchy itchy to break with your wife and join this new slut.

New passion always blinds you and you will only see her good and not bad

you are here to garner a supporter, that little push so that your conscience won't be that bad. I know.. even if only one out of the 100 posts here is support you to go break with your wife, i know you would.

you tend to forget how your first love is and of course current one will override your wife's.

Fuck la.. just break with your wife and go with that girl girl lor..

till then regret just suck it up and remember us saying "we told you so~!"

some people needs to learn the hard way. BE a suave man.. xiao xiao sha sha.. i mean like carefree la.. why get tied down by women woes?

Life's too short for that little girl who's trying to ruin your family.

Get a new fling or play toy dude!

[popi824]

It's ok to drink milk... Can buy from supermart... No need bring cow home.. Don be foolish..

[(o)(o) Tuner]

TS, your wife has went thru' thick and thin with you. She is the best, go back to her.

[hardworking48]

Bro,
U fxxk around can liao...even though you think you love her....you should ultimately go home to the woman you marry. KNN....you marry her you should be a real man to keep your marriage vows and be responsible and take care of your wife for life! nah beh...still think of divorcing her.

Lets face it...if your current GF can cheat on her bf and you cheat on yr wife, what makes you think 5 or 10 yrs down the road she dont do it again? I have seen women in my office cheating on their husband on a regular basis!! some of them...one after another.

So wake the fxxk up...You can still have yr gf but go home and be the man and husband. I despise guys like you who fxxk around but have no responsibility for their wife or family. If you got kids and you desert them, lagi worse...I'll personally bang yr head.

[shake1]

Bro

Have you watched the Taiwanese drama recently on channel U called "xi li ren qi"? If not I suggest you have a go..it resembles what you are going thru..I know it's only a drama but perhaps you might see something from it..

All the best.

[Window7]

Listen to me la.

I been through this. You think abt this, what makes you fall in love with your wife in e first place. Try to bring her back to places you been when your were dating. Do things that you used to.

No human is perfect, but when you in love or in lust.........

anyway, all e best.
Hope TS will make the correct choice. which to me is going back to e wife.

[CaptiVated]

those who got good wives must think carefully before committing adultery. once caught the feeling with wifey sure change one. so better think twice if not more.

[chnhubby71]

Bro 1 stone cannot kill 2 birds. just make your own choice rather than seeking opinion without taking action of what bro had recommended for your own good.

[DreamOfLust]

Bro maybe you want consult a medium to see if you got Kena gongtao???

[gocoffeebean]

TS

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other .....
but not meant to be together ....

I totally understand you

[long]

no kids yet

it is not lust,
we sometime spending time together like movie, dinner, sleep ( without any sex)

I clearly now, that i love her now

one day no see her message, missing her like crazy

awww...you are in love... since its impossible to end with 3 happy people (wife, u, nsa), statistically, the next best answer may lie in 2 happy people.

oops..

[AngelvsDevil]

Bro maybe you want consult a medium to see if you got Kena gongtao???

i like this reply...

[matthew44]

My dear bro,

Yes I understand how u feel and the call is up to you.. But u must know is that I sure your mrs is always there for you when you need her and if that is true.. Than u know were and what u need to do..

Unless u so good can keep 2 haha.. But hard...

All the best..:)

[PoloRalph]

Hi Chan, so many great advices from bros., you know what is right but we know it will be hard to handle. You will regret if you leave her, but much more regret if you leave your wife. Take care.

[bang79]

still think family is the best!!!
Think carefully. If you already have kids, then sure no.
Just my thot.

[toyotarush]

Bro I know always eat home cooked food will get tired one day and u decide to eat at a resturant. After eating u still have to go home. Nobody stays in a restaurant.

[DreamOfLust]

Bro I know always eat home cooked food will get tired one day and u decide to eat at a resturant. After eating u still have to go home. Nobody stays in a restaurant.

yeah... the old times lines

[callmebad]

if you're still committed to your marriage, better end this extra-marital affair

this kind of 'outside adventure' can only bring you short term happiness but long term sadness or maybe regret

[always1600]

Bro, she can fall in love tis way n leave her bf....it will happen to you the same way. Clean up yr mouth n go back 2 yr wife.

[Subaru75]

Bro 1 thing that u have to ask yourself ,if u choose ur fling for your wife are u willing to take up what going to happen ,few example I have already seen and I Almost can guarantee this will happen
1) how to face ur parent ,ur wife and ur in law
2) you may loss ur job as all the stress come together and u can't perform, boss give u a envelope
3) how to face ur friend ,neighbor ,relative when they ask abt u .
4) will u be able to take up these stress
5) if u r jobless ,will ur fling stay through the hard time with u
Consider these point before u made any rush decision or else u may regret ,
So far I have seen case successful but I have seen more fail and some really life become hell . Think twice

[n30n]

You've already found one woman who'll go through hell times with you. Be it financial woes, parent/ in laws problems, career problems, personality issues, r/s hiccups, setting up new home issues and you two made it through till now.

Are you sure this new girl is trusty to stay with you through thick and thin?
Do you have the energy to go through all the obstacle tests from stage 1 again in this new r/s?

[acidicavex]

dear all,

thanks for all advise.

I am really not ready to let go both.
and i also know i cannot have both together, as it will hurt someone.
At the end sure someone will get hurt.

she is a very good girl to me, she into NSA because of pressure / stress and lack of time by her bf. beside this is a caring, filial, nice, pretty, elegant, profesional. her bf is much a good person, wealth, nice looking, only lack fo time for her.
She willing to give up all this just to be with me. Frankly speaking, i am not handsome, i am not rich, but she like my companionship and caring to her.



i am not sure this is "2nd spring", as i know the feeling is much stronger than my first gf or my wife when we start dating ( i am comparing the most peak of moment compare my previous 2 woman). I mean beside sex, she always in my mind now, whenever i free, i miss her, when i driving, i also thinking of her. Reading her emails and sms, make my days brighter.

I still cant figure any way without hurting anyone. I cant be selfish to let woman hurt, this i know clearly , but i really dunno what to do now.

very stressful now

Honeymoon period dear friend honeymoon.

It all in your mind your mind make it since like the feeling so strong you can't live w/o her. Not 2nd spring it is the feeling that is gone btw you and you wife now you found it on NSA FB. Your mind tell you so but trust me it ain't so your mind is playing trick on you.

Wish to know why I say so I can only say (been there done that return from the pit.)

Take Care paper is not able to wrap the fire 纸是包不住火的

[regularguy]

'bro think wife more impt

[Venus2012]

TS

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other .....
but not meant to be together ....

I totally understand you


I agree with you ...

TS , Return back to your wife ... She has been through everything with you when your fling was only there with you through the happy times .....

[pychan]

Dear all, thanks for all advise,

She just broke up with her bf, and i am thinking what should i do now,
I do not have kids yet,

I am not sure we can continue on like this forever.
She want a proper relation too and not hiding like us now.,

No matter what decision i make, i have hurt them,
both decision wil also make regret for my life.

Will see what next step of course

been thinking alot lately on this issue,

Thanks

[deludedgal]

when u like yr wife that time u got married.

after u got married feelings were no longer fresh cos u see each other everyday

after that staying together bring in more problems and sometimes.. things dont seem that nice anymore

alone comes a syt, not living with you, looks pretty and always u feel u miss her

u divorce yr wife get together with her,

5 years down the road, u two get married already no more fresh feelings cos living together

sex slowly seems chore again and off u go again looking for? new sex adventure?

and u repeat this process again.

only this time she may start the adventure before u did and divorce u first.

really? divorce yr wife to go through all this again? whats the point.
love is something of an effort. an action

why not try loving yr wife rather then keep changing one?

[ferragamo]

try going out with your GF for 1 to 2 months WITHOUT having sex

see if the relationship is still appealing with no sex, and decide from there

[senja88]

TS, can tell us more about your wife so we have a better understanding before advising. you are right in spreading your love but remember, we reap what we sow. just tell us more so we can give you a more balanced view.

[QueenJ]

Dear all, thanks for all advise,

She just broke up with her bf, and i am thinking what should i do now,
I do not have kids yet,

I am not sure we can continue on like this forever.
She want a proper relation too and not hiding like us now.,

No matter what decision i make, i have hurt them,
both decision wil also make regret for my life.

Will see what next step of course

been thinking alot lately on this issue,



Thanks


If she can do it to her bf, she can do it to you someday , besides you can't even know if she really had a clean break with the bf.
Cmon be fair to them (Fling n wife), be fair to yourself dude
This is just some vicious cycle

[cr8tiv3]

Hi bro, I was in the same position as you. But I still remember the vow that me and my wife took.

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Even though the romance might have fizzled, it is up to you to rekindle it. I hope you make the wise choice. Cheers :)


http://travismagazine.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/why-we-cheat-the-8020-rule/

[pychan]

another update on my issue,

She had finally make a move.
She is temporarily break up with her bf, and in cooling off period of one month.

In this month, either she will choose me or back to her bf.
Hopefully have a peaceful outcome no matter what happen.

She is giving me a chance to win her over but i do not have the 100% confident,
there is too much pressure to handle myself.

SHould i really let go this time? or hang on?

Yup, we do have alot happy moments and hiccups too,
I also make her angry before and she ignore me for few days,

To outrun her bf condition seem like impossible for me.
in current situation , i will not be better than her bf in any areas,

fyi, we do not have sex currently until matter sort since last month.

[cataramp]

of cos is stay with your WIFE.

you and your fling should either remain as fling or totally say byebye!

you can only have ONE wife.. don't let your small head control you :p

[pychan]

i already mention, we no sex for months

and just companionship and dating

[muscleboi]

you didn't mention anything about your wife when another bro asked you about it. why?

I think you have already made up your mind. You just want us to say "yes i support you. go for the fling." Well, looks like body chemical reaction won.

just go do whatever you want. i don't think you are here for advice. you are just here for approval to your decision..

[sgman1968]

Bro TS, always remember what u do now will reflect in the future.. we can only advice, ultimately u make your own decision..

however, choose wisely and always believe in karma...:D

[jason1189]

when u like yr wife that time u got married.

after u got married feelings were no longer fresh cos u see each other everyday

after that staying together bring in more problems and sometimes.. things dont seem that nice anymore

alone comes a syt, not living with you, looks pretty and always u feel u miss her

u divorce yr wife get together with her,

5 years down the road, u two get married already no more fresh feelings cos living together

sex slowly seems chore again and off u go again looking for? new sex adventure?

and u repeat this process again.

only this time she may start the adventure before u did and divorce u first.

really? divorce yr wife to go through all this again? whats the point.
love is something of an effort. an action

why not try loving yr wife rather then keep changing one?

dreams never equate to reality, at the first sign of miscommunication pls pls resolve, never sweep thing under the carpet or hope it will be better tomorrow. Im in a painful situation and i can tell u i should have dump her years ago instead of holding back, the pride i swallow to give her all my money, my time and a proper home. all these times she never chipped it and it was a one sided thing ($) all the time, along came a syt whom went thru the same i did and things sparkle with new glismpe of a better life but i never choose her.

find that someone who completes you in all the ways, the one that makes you smile just looking at her, the one you sincerely willingly give your everything to and in return she loved you with everything she have.

[melomelody]

go for it. just for the experience. there is nothing much to lose in your case. just be careful. all the best

[fulham]

don't be caught in a mess when you eat outside, it will be really messy when you divorce your wife and this woman leaves you at the same time. Like some bro said, we should believe in karma.

[Taisho75]

another update on my issue,

She had finally make a move.
She is temporarily break up with her bf, and in cooling off period of one month.

In this month, either she will choose me or back to her bf.
Hopefully have a peaceful outcome no matter what happen.

She is giving me a chance to win her over but i do not have the 100% confident,
there is too much pressure to handle myself.

SHould i really let go this time? or hang on?



Interesting turn of events. First you told us she broke off with BF now she give you chance to win her back during this 1 month cooling off period. It's obviously to me she still likes her BF, else she wont give him another chance. It also seem to me you are the 3rd party in her relationship after reading your posts(may not be if you never reveal everything). By telling you she giving you a chance to win her back, she is playing a "game".

If you think with your big head, you should let go. If you thinking with your small head, you should hang on. But beware, she might be the one who dropped you the bomb to say she dump you and not the other way round.

BTW better goes back to your wife and stays faithful if not why marry her in the first place unless is shotgun. If you need to release, just pay and F--K OFF. Dun need have headache.

[pychan]

Yes, i know since the first day she still deeply in love with her bf
but whenever she with her bf, she feeling alot alot pressure,
which is fending her off,

she the one cant take too much pressure.

maybe you are right,
i am the 3rd party.

btw, i expecting her to dump me in the end

will go thru alot of hell this month,

not easy,

it is not easy to just forgot in this adn seem like never happen, she leave a great impact in my life, and her memories in my mind will be never never forgotten.

few day without any news from her, as we agree not to contact until teh thing sort out.

really need to hang on here

[pychan]

Updated.

time is running up soon,

I not yet do a final decision,but i have a talk with her,
i know what she wanted.
She miss her bf more than I,

will give up on her.

Thanks all advise from bro here,

[LoverHunter]

Good luck bro, wish you all the best in your decision. But sometimes, the hardest decisions one make are usually the correct ones ;)

[ah_heng81]

dear all,

she is pure 100% girl.
sorry for my grammar.

I mean not only in bed, she is caring loving, when i sick, she is taking good care of me,
sensible person.

i really dunno what to do next??

Leave her and go back to your wife. It's the best thing to do before things get out of hand and you may lose your wife . If she can offer to leave her BF for you it only shows she is serious about this relationship .

Never make a woman go crazy when it comes to relationship issues, you never know what hell of a mess they can do to your life.

[navras]

Updated.
She miss her bf more than I,
will give up on her.
Thanks all advise from bro here,

Bro, be firm on your decision.Family first.
NSA becomes a burden if not handled properly.
Cheers!

[littlepok]

my personal thought:

now is just fling, spend some time together. u do not understand each other fully yet, including bad habits like u peeing onto toilet bowl cover etc (just eg) and she hang her bra on all your clothes and soiled underwear left on your wallet etc.

u will wonder why u do not feel the same for her compared to back then when it is only a fling and u see each other at your best moment.

another issue: u are not rich so u feel she give up the richer one for u means she do not bother about your assets. true and false. i assume u are at least in 30s and still can go fling here and there, meaning u have a decent job and some alright savings, minimum have a hdb with wife. married for 4yrs, MOP soon, can sell off. if divorce, split half with each other, probably your wife get more. then u intend to start a family with her, most prob draining most of your resources as houses are ex now, not to mention reno whatever. if she got a fat savings and willing to contribute then still alright. if expect u to provide all these, then gone case.

now u are in wonderland, seeing her as angel with wings coming down to earth. when reality such as habits and $$$ sets in, u will see her without the wings and probably with horns.

i am not encouraging/discouraging u to do anything. i once had a same experience (not married, just in relationship) and 1 came along that i see her with wings. i did not get together with her and as time goes by, i don;t even remember how she look like or why i am so infatuated with her in the first place.

rest assured u will face alot of social and family pressure, especially when your family knows the reason for your divorce. ur new gf will not have it easy with your friends and family and her unhappiness will be diverted to u. more potential minefield for arguments, doubt u will have peaceful days.

reconcile all these differences and if both of u are willing to take the plunge and risk, then i wish u good luck.

PS: u don't love your wife but u do not deny she went through hard times with u (u should be richer than when u first married her) so give her her dues and apologies. letting her go is the best way u redeem your sins towards her

[Orion888888]

TS

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other .....
but not meant to be together ....

I totally understand you

I cannot agree more, how true.

[pychan]

another update,

finally after we no contact each other for one week,
we meet each other, sit down and have a proper talk.

She 100% confirm want me and love me.
She is sure for this.

Bros, you are right, as i am too good to her, pamper her, when she need any help or sick, i was there by her side. her bf still love her but take it for granted, meaning is i do things for her, and she do things for her bf. I am like 3rd party to her. She admit without me, she will not break off. i am point of trigger.

She feel so warm got a ppl like me take care of her, she can feel my love too.

In this stage, i got no choice, should either hurt one woman and not 2 in a same time.

It not easy, to break promise to either woman.
一个有情，一个有义

HAIZ

[sg_boytoy]

Wife is wife, period.

ONS, NSA, FB are all eat outside one, takeaway only, cannot eat at home. Why bother and why break or disrupt another relationship/family.

Short-term pain, longer term peace... :cool:

[SGnewB]

bro..

what happens in bed, stays in bed..


if she can nsa you when she's with her bf.. she can nsa other ppl again after you and her got together..

think about it..

ultimately, remember the golden saying..

if you want to play ok.. just remember the way home...

[spermmann2003]

Nasi kan kan

[cygnet]

It courage to make hard decisions.

[pychan]

Whatever decision i make , someone will get hurt, include myself.

The decision take a lot of courage to do so.

Until now, i never still believe myself in a situation where in the brink of divorce, never never think of this before.

I have cross the NSA lines too over this time

[cncs]

Bro, u did better think over it carefully. Is she the one willing to go through thick and thin with you. Or this is just lust, I am in no position to tell you what to do so are all the Bros out here. You have to make this decision yourself cause you know what is best.
Wish you good luck and hope you make the correct choice.

[thomas88]

Why not make everyone Happy by getting a clean break as she goes back to her BF while you go back to your wife.

This way....nobody is hurt :o

[Michael2020]

I more interested to know how both of you become FB in the 1st place.....

[Humongosu]

Suck it up, Bro pychan. For what is worth, know your bottomline.

[Taisho75]

Whatever decision i make , someone will get hurt, include myself.

The decision take a lot of courage to do so.

Until now, i never still believe myself in a situation where in the brink of divorce, never never think of this before.

I have cross the NSA lines too over this time

Then you better start thinking. It's a clean break or a long painful break as the longer you drag. You will become more indecisive if you drag longer as you keep deceiving yourself. You doing what that is not logical now. I was like that many years back when I fell in love with a engaged woman. I took the short way out and found out it's the right way after getting hurt myself.

Let me teach you some things you can ask her to see if she really serious about breaking up with her BF.

Ask her if she is a "si bai"(failure) after doing so much of her BF and not appreciated by him. Wont it be better if she switch side and do everything for you and feel appreciated by you.

Would you be able to reciprocate the gesture in the long run of you will be like her BF and take her for granted? Ask yourself this. Are you taking your wife for granted now?

[dudenumber1]

No point leaving your wife for a fling.

[pychan]

She have give up on her bf.

I know her bf sacrify alot for her and done alto for her, but in some how, her bf got high demand and expectation in her, to make her so much pressure, ( dun misunderstanding, not sex ok) but in life goals, works, and everything,.

like we expect your wife, is caliber in works, and good in house chores, good in taking children, and pretty, and friendly,.....all good points, a perfect wife.

She give up a good prospect life because of me, i am the one who trigger her break up,

Yes, not a easy decision,

i know the theory, 长痛不如短痛。

[tansy]

Dear pychan bro,

I'm going through this now and I know it is not easy. But I just want to remind you that a break up with the bf now is nothing compared to a divorce. She can even find another one even if she want to dump you in the future. But you only got one wife, the one you married years ago and who went through thick and thin with you.

The reason why you are still considering is because you can't leave ur wife. Then don't leave. Don't do stupid things that makes you regret in the future.

The girl wants you to divorce and spent the life with her, don't do it. At the moment she is 100% sure she wants you, but next minute she can say she love her bf more so wanna break up with you and patch up with him. DON'T let her take control of the situation. As a female point of view, it is obvious she is the one leading this situation and expect you to follow. If she really loves you, it doesn't matter if she is the mistress or not, as long as she can see you still. Yes, a woman can be that generous (but also silly).

[pychan]

Love still conscious, ok

we consider that option b4,
be my mistress, for a short period,
but this i think i am hurting 2 women at a same time, 2 timer.

i dun wann do that too,
i am betray my wife, i cant continue betray her anymore,

clean cut or divorce, and be alone
as i am not fit to love anyone.

They deserve me, they deserve better one.

[bunnyrabbit]

Always remember your vows to your wife when you put on her wedding ring.. Is it worth sacrificing all of it down down the drain just cos of 1 tree?

Always remember-
Drink the milk but dun bring the cow home

[Lipstick]

i think at the end of the day..... it boils down to this... your wife is the one with no agenda.... yours only.... you can have all the fun in the world outside.. your wife will just want you to come home no matter what the time... wipe up your act... before your act is up

[Taisho75]

She have give up on her bf.

I know her bf sacrify alot for her and done alto for her, but in some how, her bf got high demand and expectation in her, to make her so much pressure, ( dun misunderstanding, not sex ok) but in life goals, works, and everything,.

like we expect your wife, is caliber in works, and good in house chores, good in taking children, and pretty, and friendly,.....all good points, a perfect wife.

She give up a good prospect life because of me, i am the one who trigger her break up,

Yes, not a easy decision,

i know the theory, 长痛不如短痛。

Good to know she give up her bf for you. And I know you are screwed this time. Make a decision and dun regret it. There is no turning back now. You make a choice and live with the consequences. Either way you lose some.

Update us again. You will have tough times ahead for not having a clean break. :)

[BigInStone]

you and her cheated behind each of your partner's back.if you guys can do that,wats stopping u both from repeating the same again?

dun play with fire or u'll get burnt.jus go back to ur wife and stop cheating behind her back....unless she is also doing the same....

[pychan]

Dear all,

I have finally make a decision.

I will back to my wife, but in a same time i bring up my intention for a separation, she willing to give us a trial.

I have a clean cut with the girl, of course she very hurt, in a same time, me too.

I know i love her more, i know i have disaapointed her very much,
she have right to angry with me.
You guys will never know what she had sacrify for me.
it is alot of what i can give her. from her bf.

I hope she can go back to her bf, but very unlikely too.
Hope she will find a better on in the future,

we will not keep in touch anymore.

I still feel very very hurt, i hope i can recover soon,
this week have been my life darkest moment.
sleep 4 hours for 5 days,
eat 2 meals in 5 days.

I really hope i can cope up soon, but i think not easy to forget her too.
but have too.

Thank you everyone for the support and advise, i feel a bit better to let go her and in a same time to drop my burden.

[Bro_Xp]

Bro pychan, you are not the most miserable guy on earth, why are you in this self pity mood? I have seen girls like that, dated one and got burnt. If she is the kind who will go into NSA with you, she will go back into NSA again once she is bored of you. I suggest to pick yourself up and live a life, with or without your wife. Please take care of your health. Is it worth it to harm yourself for anyone else? I would say if they are not your blood, no one is worth it.

Bro_Xp

[callmebad]

the choice is yours, either your wife or the girl
if you choose your wife,you have to end the outside affair
if you choose the girl, well you will have to split with your wife in the end

do you have kids?

if you have, must think carefully !

because you have to think about how your kids feel and the emotional damage caused to them when they see their daddy and mummy go separate ways

[pychan]

i dun have kids yet,
if got kids, i will never divorce.

I know she love me badly, and needed me,
she even wanna support me financially in the end,
ask me to leave everything to my wife.

but i just cant do that time.

She is very very hard to resist, do you the feel,
yes it started as fling, eventually in the end, true feeling and love involved.

I have hurt her deeply, i think she cant forget me too,
same here.

The one we married maybe not the one we love most,
i still love her, but i already reject to meet her again, or keep in touch.

delete every email, photo, phone.. .

i know i want her but i just cant live my life in agony. I know i will regret my whole life leaving my wife.

i am sorry to her, very very sorry, she in this pathetic stage, all because of my selfishness.

She no deman anything, when we break up, is the first time i saw her tears running from her eyes, she is a strong girl but emotional too.

i know she not eating and take sleeping pills for past few days.
I really hope she can get up soon. i still hurt to know her like that( she did sms me, but me no reply)


hoping she and me will recover soon,

[Taisho75]

Bro, this period of time is the hardest to go through. What u did is right. I can understand what u going through now as i was in ur shoes b4 except I was single then.

How u initiate the break n how u close it is impt as it will effect both of u.

Do feel free to ask if you have problems. Just dun turn back no matter how much she plead, if u serious about the break. If not, you will be screwed again.

It's a lot easier if you are not married.

[5ag1_Boar]

Bro pychan,

For such things, cold turkey is the way to go. Now, instead of thinking about the good thing that was, focus on making your marriage the good thing it should be. It won't be easy, for sure.

Instead of wishing your wife is like "her", do the opposite. Be to your wife, what you are like to "her". Be loving, be concern, be sweet. Start seducing your wife. Your wife will notice, and reciprocate. Go for marriage courses with her, even. I'm sure you loved your wife (else would not have married) and probably still do, just differently from "her".

You mentioned in one of your posts above, that "she" would take care of you when you were sick. Same for me too... when I was sick, my then-fling would come over to my place, buy lunch for me, sayang me. I would compare her with my then-wife thinking: "bloody hell, go to work, don't care I got lunch or not, no calls/SMSes to check on me... what kind of wife is she?" Recently, I reflected and realised, who am I to condemn my wife, when I myself don't do that for her? Now with my fiancee, I make an effort to at least SMS her if I know she is sick at home. If possible, I would buy lunch back for her during lunch hour.

On a nicer note, if I know my fiancee is home on leave, I sometimes visit her during lunch hour for a quickie. It helps to keep the flames of passion alive.

I've noticed that the more loving I am to my fiancee, the more loving and appreciative she is to me.

Good luck. If you need support, come back and post here. :-)

[PhariseesYeast]

Bro Pychan,

长痛不如短痛 goes to both people, either wife or mistress. You already made a decision, stick to it. Also stick your gun to your wife only or your indictment will happen again.


Other Bros,

Cut the girl some slack. It's also hard for her as she is brave enough to make a quick decision on her life. She is also not the only cheater here.

[Thinktwice]

Hi bro,

A game is a game.........it starts and it'll end.
Stick to the rules and enjoy it.

[pychan]

not easy decision,

my wife get to know all this already.

still in cooling off period

will update later

[heye]

all the best bro , u knw the answer best just be sure of what is desire and greed and what is necessity

[Ladyrain]

Be loving, be concern, be sweet.

Recently, I reflected and realised, who am I to condemn my wife, when I myself don't do that for her? Now with my fiancee, I make an effort to at least SMS her if I know she is sick at home. If possible, I would buy lunch back for her during lunch hour.

On a nicer note, if I know my fiancee is home on leave, I sometimes visit her during lunch hour for a quickie. It helps to keep the flames of passion alive.

I've noticed that the more loving I am to my fiancee, the more loving and appreciative she is to me.
:-)

Keep it up! :) I agree. Girls are Vvery easy to humor one. Not difficult if men are willing to put in abit of effort.

[LadyInNeed]

Bro pychan,
Ur state same as u
I can understand how badly hurt is it.

[pychan]

After i decide to give up her,
but she still sms me, and i replied.

My wife get to know it and very angry again.

I hardly to let go both of them,, really hard.

I still cant get her our of my mind yet,
not so easy

[5ag1_Boar]

Bro pychan,

Be strong. You must give her up cold turkey. Don't reply any of her SMS or calls. If you are using smart phone, look for SMS apps that can ignore or blacklist certain numbers. Use that to block out her SMS. If Android, you can set her contact to "All Calls To Voicemail" so that your phone will never ring if she calls. Its easier to ignore voice mail then to ignore a ringing phone... plus no need to worry that she might call when you are with wife. (If iPhone, the last time I checked, need to Jailbreak to install such a feature.)

Also, each time you respond, you give her a glimmer of hope. Which makes the process even more drawn out and harder.

It is hard to let go, and truthfully you will NEVER forget her. I've been in your shoes before. Years have passed since mine and I still have fond memories of her, but I've accepted that it never could be. While I cherish that we had a few years together and still think of her sometimes, I do wonder if she has found a man to be happy with, and also pray and wish that she is well and happy. But I have learnt to let go and stop yearning for something I cannot have.

And yes, I am happy now building a life with my fiancee. As you can be happy in the future with your wife. You just need to weather this period and focus on fixing your marriage.

[Compassion]

TS,

Can I suggest you post in the Matters of the Heart section. Your problems are best addressed in this section. There are more bros there who can also give more views.

[Taisho75]

After i decide to give up her,
but she still sms me, and i replied.

My wife get to know it and very angry again.

I hardly to let go both of them,, really hard.

I still cant get her our of my mind yet,
not so easy

That's where you go wrong. Dun replied her no matter how many times she sms you. :mad:

Your wife is right to be angry with you. I stand by her.

If you can't get her off your mind, please divorce your wife and get together with her. There is nothing we can do to help you or advice you what to do. :mad::mad:

You need to see the "shit" you need to go through, then you will understand what we are tell you. A Separation period if 1 party dun what to sign the papers. Anything can happen with you and your new girl in this period. Think if she really worth it. It's your decision and just dun regret it. :rolleyes:

[hardworking48]

Very easy what....if you cant give her up, just take her as #2 wife mah....if she loves you, she dun mind...right? :D

[MsCrystal]

In my point of view, no matter how hard a man plays outside.. i tink he shouldnt bring it back to home... hmm how i put it.. u can have a mistress outside.. but seek for her understanding that u do not wish to affect ur family life...

i understand because i have been a mistress for 1.5 yrs :o

[Taisho75]

Seem Like TS is in very deep trouble and cannot "climb" out of this "hole". He has a lot of explainations, and 1 wrong move will cause him a marriage. Just dun advice him to drop into second "hole" again.

For those Who are thinking of getting a FB or mistress, just be careful when you handle it. If you handle it well, enjoy while it last. If not, think with "big head" and not "small head". I had seen many cases of Extra Marital affairs gone bad and those who reconciled are not in "as lovely" relation anymore.

Enjoy and dun bring "trouble" home. Hope the TS can share his aftermath with us soon. :)