Reminiscence or Nostalgia

[Ramone]

First post ever so seeking honest feedback.

First ever gf while in secondary school, while young and naive, always had a special spot for her despite us never ever having any debaucherous adult engagements except for the handholding and innocent smooches. We parted our infactuation ways but still kept in longterm absent contact.

We moved along our own ways as we grew and were mostly catch up friends of a missing getback opportunity scenarios (when i broke up with my gf she was with someone and when she was off with her end, I was with another gf) nevertheless when we caught up, it always seemed to never had missed any of the long term abscence that was there. We would get straight back into conversations and chats like it was just the same without any discomfort of abscence. Never did we ever say when we will have this abscence and when we prearrange a catch up again but it was always very pleasurable to hear from her again and i hope/believe likewise vice versa.

Fast forward, I am married (and am still with kids) while she was too but have since divorced (with a kid) and in our 30s. The last time we caught up was 6 years ago before i left with family for overseas career. While surprising, we always maintained the same numbers and last week we smsed to surprise that it was so. We immediately caught up for dinner and drinks and it seems like this catch up was diffferently positive, we chatted more and have been doing so every day during business hours during lunch of over the phone.

The soft spot should ease considering the infactuations of teen vs how much aged we are presently to jump into any recklessness unfortunately it does not seem so on my part, dunno if she is so to keeping it platonic since we are like excitable bunnies when we meet and catch up.

Am still very much physically attracted to her and excitable to want to see her more as to me she is still the same in personality and character albeit an even more mature lady than what she was everytime we met. Do not know if she feels the same though always obliging to meet yet as a hidden principle not to call after hours knowing i am with family, when we meet, it feels sparkly.

Am not very sure anymore if this is hinging on remininscence or nostalgia cos the tingling feels seems always there growing as we meet despite the abscence. This again is possibly one of the missing getback opportunity scenarios but would it be then a wayward temptation for us to finally succumb in a moment passion if she does feel the same? What would you do in this predicament.... both logical or emotional or physical?

[Gambit7]

I think it's better to let go of the past mate... U r married already, and when u get on with her, will it jeopardize ur family's harmony? U better ask urself that question. If u think there's a chance that it will, u better let go of ur past with her. If u think it will be perfectly safe, then u can do whatever u want with her.

Another question that u might want to think about, once u get on with her, u r actually risking ur years of friendship with her. When things r fine, everything will be fine, but when things go wrong, i think u guys wont be in the same state as before anymore.

So give urself time and space to think about these 2 questions before u decide on anything.

0.1 cents food for thoughts

[superhuman]

Let me jump straight into the qns-

1) Do u wanna bed her?

2) If not, what is your intention of maintaining a close r/s with her. As far as I can read, it seems like u want to be more than friends.

3) Cont pt 3, do u want to have an affair

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Nice interesting thread.
Go here:
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=285178
Good thread to help u answer many questions.
Seems like the gals r saying exactly wats on ur mind lol.

[sane]

First post ever so seeking honest feedback.

unfortunately it does not seem so on my part, dunno if she is so to keeping it platonic since we are like excitable bunnies when we meet and catch up.

Am still very much physically attracted to her and excitable to want to see her more as to me she is still the same in personality and character albeit an even more mature lady than what she was everytime we met. Do not know if she feels the same though always obliging to meet yet as a hidden principle not to call after hours knowing i am with family, when we meet, it feels sparkly.

Am not very sure anymore if this is hinging on remininscence or nostalgia cos the tingling feels seems always there growing as we meet despite the abscence. This again is possibly one of the missing getback opportunity scenarios but would it be then a wayward temptation for us to finally succumb in a moment passion if she does feel the same? What would you do in this predicament.... both logical or emotional or physical?


If you respect your long time friend, don't toy with her feelings. What can you give her? Ditch her after having fun? When the moment of passion is over, there will only be pain and agony.

She might meet u to catchup the old times but don't risk because of some fake moment of happiness. Be realistic and wake up from the dreamy moments.

If you still want a happyfamily, respect from your kids and a friendship to grow old with, be honest with your wife. Intro your friends to her, get her to join the outings. Don't risk her trust to you. It's priceless.

[Ramone]

Thanks all who gave some and grounded advice. The downside is definitely huge considering that hell hath no fury like a woman's scorned.....

1) Wife calls for a lawyer takes kids and rips my assets in half, life not be the same and in tatters.
2) Friend gets emotional, cannot get the time wanted, gets down to furious sms or calls when not on and goes crazy, wife realises in whatever shit way...., see (1)

All said and done putting emotions aside and focusing on the brain between the legs, am just so damn curious how some on the forum get away with a FB relationship.

Yes, could be the habour of thoughts to be physically attracted to her still yet letting emotions be clouded into thinking that its more emotional than physical when actually its the other wayward side.

Hmm...Still standing by the game table, taking the considerations into heart. The greed of man trying to fulfil what he has not attained is probably putting myself at the table side when i can easily just get a equivalent FL and not so deep into repercussions.

More advise pls.

[Ramone]

Nice interesting thread.
Go here:
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=285178
Good thread to help u answer many questions.
Seems like the gals r saying exactly wats on ur mind lol.

Oh yes thanks for this thread and yes was already reading it before it was pointed out to me.

Agree with the tactics and ruses that are employed.... beach shit and drinks and letting down guard and so on.

In fact, she did say we should catch up and so in the last week, I caught up with her for evening drinks BUT with a friend so that it does not seem that crooked way rather was more like a real catch up just to evaluate the situation which was really fine by me. I did promise dinner but she as she had to disappear for a while to get some stuff done and come back again it was just drinks (3 the most) and off the evening at 11pm for an early night. Next day was then lunch where to me was making it up for lost dinner promise but a 1on1 so lunch was 2 hrs chat and stuff...... Of course it was always me asking whats her plans and on my suggests, it was always adopted with no push from her end.

I do explicitly talk on my kids and wife and so on during our chats and not pathetics like me, me, me, me (poor married life me kinda shit). I shared on my family and so on and also asked on hers albeit not so really knife edge stuff like why her divorce etc etc rather skim the areas of issues between both of us that we already knew or that we left off.

Was supposed to at least catch up Fri evening (eg lets play by ear since she did have an earlier planned girls out night) but my other apts were not allowing while she had then informed that she cancelled hers when i was moving in between my apts from one to another..... left a well wishing weekend msg sms to her at the end of both my apts and left it as that.

So here i stand Monday am.... lets see. Pls note this aint no crap reality tv shit stuff, rather a situation of uncertainty and dilema and not a rash dive into the deep end of the pool so am reallly open to hear advise and from women as well so see if there is some over sight on my part to this funny sparks...

[sane]

Oh yes thanks for this thread and yes was already reading it before it was pointed out to me.

Agree with the tactics and ruses that are employed.... beach shit and drinks and letting down guard and so on.

Pls note this aint no crap reality tv shit stuff, rather a situation of uncertainty and dilema and not a rash dive into the deep end of the pool so am reallly open to hear advise and from women as well so see if there is some over sight on my part to this funny sparks...

Actually u have already summarised very well. Eh..what kind of advise do you stil wan?

[Ramone]

Well, maybe sometimes its good to here totally independant out of the scenario advice from others in this case. At this juncture i am keeping status quo to not jump and make meself a fool if it was just my over reactions to the sparks and if so maybe a little time to let it sink could ebb away the testorone and let some brain matter sink into logical handling plans.

Was just hoping to hear from others on the both sides of the fence....

[Ramone]

So am back, was feeling under weather last days and had brief chats with regathered first gf. Sounds of concern and checking on well being from her eg stop and go see dr, did u take meds, rest more and get well......

Fast forward, had am breakfast today and continued the chat 8am after days of viewing abstinence before both of us started work, talked on home stuff and she volunteered, no pets at home, no one at home and no partners currently and living on her own...... when she said that, i was like hmmmm and then sigh. Sounded like invitation and i probed more like how abt the friends scene then like going travelling and have some personal time with friends and said she is desirous whenever she can but really depends on friends as not all available always. She sounds lonely and being divorced for a while now seems to definitely have needs that may not be met

As we were chatting, just could not keep eyes trained away from her ample bosom and fantasizing the heck we could be doing if the invite is real. Is it an invite though not directed as yet? what do u think....

[checkeredstars]

so ramone, how is it going?

my opinion is, ask yourself what you really want. The first one will always be the most special one which you will hold closely to your heart, but the first one may not necessarily be the one who can provide you with what you and your family need. Before you rush to make any decision, have to think of the consequences, is it worth fighting for a divorcee whom you thought you once loved? Sometimes, the reason why we always hold on to the first one so tight was because the memories imprinted are of the most significant. But that does not mean we have seen its' imperfections and the differences.. I hope you understand what I'm driving at.

I have a similar experience with you, where my first boyfriend and I had close contact for 9 years, and each time we suffered breakups or got issues, we will always be the first to look for each other. Needless to say, we ended up bedding each other, only to realize it was out of loneliness and in need for attention. I didn't loved him anymore, and I didn't realized how much have changed over the past 9 years, that he wasn't the one I loved so much and vice versa.

Eventually, I stopped contacting him and every now and then, he still texts me and make efforts to reach me even though he has a girlfriend. Does he still likes me? I don't care. All I know is it takes lots of discipline to resist this, and a lot of hardwork to maintain my current relationship with a damn awesome guy and I wouldn't want a past to rampage everything I have built.

Hope everything goes well to you soon.

[Ramone]

thanks checkeredstars for your feedback. The going's ok so far, we did have the chats daily and of course the stolen moments for lunch or breakfast, short but interesting. We chat on about work and personal life stuff and she is starting to drop kinda more hints if i think they are what they are, bored and wanting to take time away from work with me to say catch a movie in the pm, going for a good fun buffet, cooking at her place for her.... etc

I did say to her that its probably a feeling of loneliness and of course being without someone for such a while it is only human and natural that i think you are looking and yearning for some spoilt treatment and being loved and taken care of.... and she says most likely yes... and she did not resist the idea of cooking at her place for her as she mentioned.

I am taking it in stride and not like a hormonal teenager rushing in like the wind because i do know its wrong for an affair yet i am definitely physically attracted to her and a moment of rash seems impending but i am biting my lips. It might happen that i could get invited to her place one pm and then what...say no? From a lady's perspect what does it mean if she does so with the rest of the 'hints', oh yes the daily chats have yielded concern advise of, "make sure u have yr lunch, dun hang out too late ok, drive safe yes...."

Still hanging on not to really reciprocate directly and keeping it at "ok thanks" "yes I will" "Lets see oh yes you know this place etc etc etc" "I can cook lunch for you no probs as long as i dun blow up your kitchen"

Help!!!!! Am worried i fall into the darkside of lust where she too is hinting towards that way....

[milford]

since she is offering free lunch then take 1 day mc and spent one afternoon delight with her. however, dont get emotionally attached to her after that. Can eat free and f*** free.

[Ramone]

Been a while and am back, loads of updates actually or unfortunately. Since the last post, we had been away for many lunches, a few breakfast, a few nice quiet evening drinks... With so many an encounters, was actually having breakfast at her place a few times and no, nothing happened as we just ate and chat before then breaking seperately off to work.

Progression is definitely along the way towards the cliff (loads of between words smses of how we feel) though we have not had any physical or sexual contact that could deem me as an infidelity candidate, but in heart I know i already am.

Sigh...... its just cheap that I know this earlier and yet allow it to be heading that way. If we do make out, i believe the guilt might run me to death but the savoury temptation is so overpowering. Spiraling out of control I feel....

[nuclearkid]

Sounds like a longgggg foreplay with the banter bouncing between the two of you, bro Ramone. Things are really just as simple as you want them to be or as complicated. You project an impression that you are going with the flow, yearning to be surprised and confident about extricating yourself when you deem it too hot to handle. Most men fail at the evacuation procedure and those that survive didn't permit themselves to come this far. So, odds are, you are indeed headed for the cliff. :D Such entanglements are unwieldy due to the emotional element which I would hazard a guess is your case with the frequency of communication between you two. She's probably often in your head when you think alone?

The potentially good thing about this is seemingly lack of expectations on her part, you could yet survive unscathed but you never know what she's thinking. An irrational woman can do serious damage! So you ask yourself what you hope to achieve letting this episode run its course. Its back to the risk-reward profile. Decide if its worth running the risk in a worst case scenario. From a bloke's perspective, the curiousity, which is likely a dominant emotion in you right now, probably wouldn't abate until you get to at least second base (Ok, that's my threshold... you may be contented just holding hands). So, in view of that, if you can't survive the fallout, time to eject now. :D

[Ramone]

Sounds like a longgggg foreplay with the banter bouncing between the two of you, bro Ramone. Things are really just as simple as you want them to be or as complicated. You project an impression that you are going with the flow, yearning to be surprised and confident about extricating yourself when you deem it too hot to handle. Most men fail at the evacuation procedure and those that survive didn't permit themselves to come this far. So, odds are, you are indeed headed for the cliff. :D Such entanglements are unwieldy due to the emotional element which I would hazard a guess is your case with the frequency of communication between you two. She's probably often in your head when you think alone?

The potentially good thing about this is seemingly lack of expectations on her part, you could yet survive unscathed but you never know what she's thinking. An irrational woman can do serious damage! So you ask yourself what you hope to achieve letting this episode run its course. Its back to the risk-reward profile. Decide if its worth running the risk in a worst case scenario. From a bloke's perspective, the curiousity, which is likely a dominant emotion in you right now, probably wouldn't abate until you get to at least second base (Ok, that's my threshold... you may be contented just holding hands). So, in view of that, if you can't survive the fallout, time to eject now. :D

Well u are damn right she's in my head most time as we speak and meet daily... like the daily highlight.

We are not yet physical but its damning that it is at the back of my mind, not sure abt her's but we do speak of past experiences yet I am not jumping onto her like a bat out of the cave. Crudely proud of my physical restraint but dun think it may hold for too long.

The main thought of holding back cos I had long ago watched many reruns of Fatal Attraction so i am no sherlock with regards to what damage could happen once its tipped over, eg both of us get sexually involved and then emotions overwhelm her on a dead end relationship.... all that i could be after is a regurgitated carcass.

At this point infidelity guilt is bringing abt paranioa, i have like in the cartoons an angel and a devil on each side of my shoulders nudging me on alternate bases. Devil nudges on the grounds of "U do like her physically so why not if its mutual as long as its is understood, let up and walk into paradise to soak up the sex, u will get by and unscathed" yet the angel nudges "Are u sure u are not living dangerously and throwing possibly everything away for the sake of a 30min moment of sinful flesh pleassure which will feel the same with any other honey hole that your dick may prod, unwind and walk away!"

It is something that no one needs to mention but I do tell myself that i am mentally weak as i have not been able as yet to make an absolute resolve on 1 of the above positions to take and to act on it.

She too said lets go with whatever that comes as expectations bring hurt.... As a friend and a guy I should know better and take control of the situation better and this indecisiveness is bringing the cliff closer, seems like i am tripping over myself....

[nuclearkid]

Well u are damn right she's in my head most time as we speak and meet daily... like the daily highlight.

We are not yet physical but its damning that it is at the back of my mind, not sure abt her's but we do speak of past experiences yet I am not jumping onto her like a bat out of the cave. Crudely proud of my physical restraint but dun think it may hold for too long.

The main thought of holding back cos I had long ago watched many reruns of Fatal Attraction so i am no sherlock with regards to what damage could happen once its tipped over, eg both of us get sexually involved and then emotions overwhelm her on a dead end relationship.... all that i could be after is a regurgitated carcass.

At this point infidelity guilt is bringing abt paranioa, i have like in the cartoons an angel and a devil on each side of my shoulders nudging me on alternate bases. Devil nudges on the grounds of "U do like her physically so why not if its mutual as long as its is understood, let up and walk into paradise to soak up the sex, u will get by and unscathed" yet the angel nudges "Are u sure u are not living dangerously and throwing possibly everything away for the sake of a 30min moment of sinful flesh pleassure which will feel the same with any other honey hole that your dick may prod, unwind and walk away!"

It is something that no one needs to mention but I do tell myself that i am mentally weak as i have not been able as yet to make an absolute resolve on 1 of the above positions to take and to act on it.

She too said lets go with whatever that comes as expectations bring hurt.... As a friend and a guy I should know better and take control of the situation better and this indecisiveness is bringing the cliff closer, seems like i am tripping over myself....

It seems like you have gone OD on bro boob_man's story with the angel and devil characters messing up your mind. :D

All I want to add on is that being indecisive is one thing. You probably want to have your cake and eat it too, that's understandable. To me, just one point to consider: you have to determine the balance of power between you both and it better be tilted in your favour. If she's the dominant one, its strongly suggested you back off now. This is just the beginning (patient trap setting and all) but once you get your schlong into her, she will have you by the balls. That's when your sleepless nights begin. Good luck dabbling with a manipulative woman, if it turns out that way.

[Gentle Beast]

Hi Ramone (..almost Romeo :) )


From a guy's point of view, you seem like a hopeless romantic, in a nice way. The way I see it, you are setting yourself up for the plunge, it is a matter of when. As a guy, I know SEX is the reason why you are investing all your 'available' time (a precious commodity considering you are already married) and you do not wish to walk away, not least after you have achieved the fruits of this investment. Simply, if I were you I would consider these 2 options

1. Walk away. The feeling of a lost opportunity will be painful (to the groin?) but in my opinion, the better decision in the long run.

2. Bed her. But be fair to her emotional feelings and be clear to explain that things will never work out between the 2 of you. It is just sexual gratification, nothing else. Never promise what you cannot deliver.

Sex between 2 people who are strongly attracted to each other can lead to complications, it just happens. For a guy, if you are lucky, it is possible that you can have your cake and eat it too.

[superhuman]

heard this over the radio before for some call in advice show and the DJ said asked this:

Is there such a thing as committing adultery with your heart and mind (that is connecting romantically with the other party) but without the physical acts?

And is it 'not as bad' as committing adultery by engaging in the the physical acts?

[Ramone]

Can mutual talking suggestive be considered as already at the cliff's edge? Well till the next time we meet again at her place will we know if the plunge is made..... We were talking and chanced a mutual suggest of breakfast in bed and then sex to start the great day off would be ideal.... hmmmmm..... (snapped out of the conversation and focused back on the events of the day between our individual schedules)

I feel it so close .... the nearness of consumation...... the picturesque imagination of her being slowly peeled away by my fingers and devoured.... sigh. I am gulping and holding my breath, seriously... if my dick did the thinking, i would have raced there and consumated the deed in fervent passion yet what the hell am i still doing here fantasizing!!!

[Ramone]

So the story goes that the last days of meetups were great as always but the crux came when we were discussing about how restraint we were while we were at it so far despite private proximities and silly me again raised the issue that I am a dead end relationship and that I do not want to hurt her in the end when i really do not know her expectations. I summarised to her that in the pinnacle importance that i do not want to lose her as a friend.

Well the very curt response was that she knew from the very start that i have already said so to her and she is wants the moments to be as they are while they are there so dun think on it to hard.... (in other words, chill).

With that I could have made it an insurance or i could have blew it as I was so harped on explicit statements of what it would be in the end. I really think its not wrong to state the facts..... Sigh, i am more thinking that i blew it by emphasizing in precision since its radio silence since the conversation yesterday.

Was i wrong to express what it is or was i dumbassed to over emphasize it? What a cock!

[Komuso]

So the story goes that the last days of meetups were great as always but the crux came when we were discussing about how restraint we were while we were at it so far despite private proximities and silly me again raised the issue that I am a dead end relationship and that I do not want to hurt her in the end when i really do not know her expectations. I summarised to her that in the pinnacle importance that i do not want to lose her as a friend.

Well the very curt response was that she knew from the very start that i have already said so to her and she is wants the moments to be as they are while they are there so dun think on it to hard.... (in other words, chill).

With that I could have made it an insurance or i could have blew it as I was so harped on explicit statements of what it would be in the end. I really think its not wrong to state the facts..... Sigh, i am more thinking that i blew it by emphasizing in precision since its radio silence since the conversation yesterday.

Was i wrong to express what it is or was i dumbassed to over emphasize it? What a cock!

I remember chancing upon some old video on picking up girls. The 'lecturer' was saying that men should generally keep the verbal encounters with women brief up till the point where they manage to bed them. This is because the more you prolong the conversation, the higher the probability of saying something wrong and pissing her off :D

I'm sure the ladies will hate this... but it does make a certain sense.

[Ramone]

Yes in the worst of my better judgement, who am i to wanna be honest here when I try to set the records right before plunging, cos my position is defiled in honesty to begin with.

Nevertheless, we have since made contact and all is as where it left off. Mindfucking was probably what i was doing to myself, cannot believe how lust can drive one so nuts.

[Komuso]

I guess most of the advice that can possibly be given on your situation has already been covered by the other senior samsters here. Having experienced something similar myself, perhaps I can contribute by making the situation a little clearer logically.

1. Given that you have an existing erotic partner, this inquiry asks if all of your needs be satisfied by that one erotic partner, for your entire life?

a. If Yes, this inquiry ends here.

b. If No, proceed to 2.

2. What is to be done with the needs that have not been met?

a. Suppress them out of moral considerations; this inquiry ends here.

b. Find alternative means to satisfy/redirect them, eg. same-gender friendship, sports, the arts, commerce, politics etc. This inquiry ends here.

c. Find another concurrent erotic partner to cater for the needs that have not been met; proceed to 3.

3. What is the nature of the relationship with the concurrent erotic partner?

a. Purely erotic

This will be rather difficult to maintain for both the man and the woman, if the concurrent partner is not a professional service provider (i.e. prostitute). Although men have a slightly greater ability to detach physical from emotional pleasure, sex is still a very intimate physical act, and a certain degree of emotions will always be triggered.

As emotions compromise rational judgment, they will need to be kept under very tight rein for both parties. As you are the married party you have more to lose if things turn out bad, and so have a greater interest in ensuring otherwise. Either both parties have strong minds and are able to sustain the required balance, or else if her mind is weaker and more susceptible to emotional compromise, your own ability will have to make up for it.

b. Purely emotional

Unless a conversation partner is all that is desired, this will also be rather difficult to maintain, for men especially, since physical attraction is likely to already be in play. You will have to suppress all physical desire towards the woman. Given that physical needs are not catered for then, it would seem to contradict 2b. above since there is still a shortfall.

c. Both erotic and emotional

This is the definition under which full-fledged affairs find themselves. However, given that this concurrent partner still fulfils some, but not all your needs, care needs to be taken to ensure the entire relationship is not construed to become a replacement for the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. If the balance can be sustained by both parties, it can be a very fulfilling physical and emotional experience since most, if not all, of your needs will be met.

There remains the disturbing question of whether the concurrent erotic partner's needs have all been met. If no, there is a chance she may push the relationship to the point of replacing the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. In this instance, your own ability will have to make up for this defect.

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

[Gentle Beast]

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

Hi Bro

I like your step by step flow chart analysis. I assumed you must be a professional trained
engineer, medic doctor etc. Least I can do is to up your rep points.

Enjoy!:)

GB

[Komuso]

Hi Bro

I like your step by step flow chart analysis. I assumed you must be a professional trained
engineer, medic doctor etc. Least I can do is to up your rep points.

Enjoy!:)

GB

Thanks for the up bro; I'm not in any of the professions you've mentioned though. Have reciprocated with my humble 2 points; one good turn deserves another :)

[Ladyrain]

Yes in the worst of my better judgement, who am i to wanna be honest here when I try to set the records right before plunging, cos my position is defiled in honesty to begin with.

Nevertheless, we have since made contact and all is as where it left off. Mindfucking was probably what i was doing to myself, cannot believe how lust can drive one so nuts.

Dear Ramone, keep it to mindfucking only then! :p

[Ramone]

Oops kinda too late, we did something during breakfast.....

[Ramone]

I guess most of the advice that can possibly be given on your situation has already been covered by the other senior samsters here. Having experienced something similar myself, perhaps I can contribute by making the situation a little clearer logically.

1. Given that you have an existing erotic partner, this inquiry asks if all of your needs be satisfied by that one erotic partner, for your entire life?

a. If Yes, this inquiry ends here.

b. If No, proceed to 2.

2. What is to be done with the needs that have not been met?

a. Suppress them out of moral considerations; this inquiry ends here.

b. Find alternative means to satisfy/redirect them, eg. same-gender friendship, sports, the arts, commerce, politics etc. This inquiry ends here.

c. Find another concurrent erotic partner to cater for the needs that have not been met; proceed to 3.

3. What is the nature of the relationship with the concurrent erotic partner?

a. Purely erotic

This will be rather difficult to maintain for both the man and the woman, if the concurrent partner is not a professional service provider (i.e. prostitute). Although men have a slightly greater ability to detach physical from emotional pleasure, sex is still a very intimate physical act, and a certain degree of emotions will always be triggered.

As emotions compromise rational judgment, they will need to be kept under very tight rein for both parties. As you are the married party you have more to lose if things turn out bad, and so have a greater interest in ensuring otherwise. Either both parties have strong minds and are able to sustain the required balance, or else if her mind is weaker and more susceptible to emotional compromise, your own ability will have to make up for it.

b. Purely emotional

Unless a conversation partner is all that is desired, this will also be rather difficult to maintain, for men especially, since physical attraction is likely to already be in play. You will have to suppress all physical desire towards the woman. Given that physical needs are not catered for then, it would seem to contradict 2b. above since there is still a shortfall.

c. Both erotic and emotional

This is the definition under which full-fledged affairs find themselves. However, given that this concurrent partner still fulfils some, but not all your needs, care needs to be taken to ensure the entire relationship is not construed to become a replacement for the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. If the balance can be sustained by both parties, it can be a very fulfilling physical and emotional experience since most, if not all, of your needs will be met.

There remains the disturbing question of whether the concurrent erotic partner's needs have all been met. If no, there is a chance she may push the relationship to the point of replacing the original relationship that existed before the start of this inquiry. In this instance, your own ability will have to make up for this defect.

Summary

There appears to be no one ideal outcome, and every form and combination of relationship(s) will come with some flaw or another. One has to either:

a. Avoid relationships completely and be free from that burden, or

b. Study the nature of relationship as it unfolds with a view to counteracting the projected defects.

I don't mean to come across as too mechanical, but sometimes there is a need for this as our emotions can get the better of us when we least expect it. In situations such as these, our ability detach ourselves from emotion, and to reason, will be the only thing that can save us from unwanted problems. It is of course easier said then done, but this does not change the fact that it must be done.

Sorry for the rambling, and I hope this helps.

Thanks, your structured analysis is definitely descriptive of options akin a pictoral flowchart. The decision matrices are by far many, but what struck me was indeed exactly what she asked me this am to consider on my own, would i be so crazy about her that i will move to a point of illogics and wanna replace my wife with her..... shit not in the troubled sense i thought as I said no and she asked me not to underestimate myself cos she has seen previous guys who were lost in the sugar and became illogical. We chat more and etc, in summary. Status quo is what she advised but she not sure if some day she will loose it and esp when she is looking for physical needs to be met..... she might give all. At that moment we.....

[Ladyrain]

Oops kinda too late, we did something during breakfast.....

You cheeky fella! Despite us, you still went ahead! You already made your decision before you came in here! :rolleyes:

[Ramone]

Sigh.... it was just some cuddle and peck on the cheek, lame schoolboy stuff. No plunging tongues and violet strips towards devouring the forbiden regions. She was so hot with her spagetti straps and floral boulder-shoulder-holders (bra) and a really short skirt. I was about to go crazy and jump out of the window of her aprtment....... I think she is either teasing me or lining me up for a good and ready day.

OMG WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[N0N0]

Nice interesting thread.
Go here:
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=285178
Good thread to help u answer many questions.
Seems like the gals r saying exactly wats on ur mind lol.Is there really a real issue?...

[Ladyrain]

You sot Liao. :eek: