Married but in love with a Divorcee

[LPPlol]

Hey fellow samsters.

I used to cheong the massage scene,.. then i stopped as I realized this was not really what I'm after.

I am married, happy at first but gradually, we seems to drift apart because my spouse does not seems to understand the circumstances of my work that makes me come back home later for dinners and back home late during weekends. I'm in a service line.

My wife was at first seemingly perfect, however, as we are now waiting for our flat, we are currently staying with our parents. As times goes by, she seems to show her true side. She becomes lazy and takes things for granted. She starts finding faults with me and say my pay is too little.

And to add on, she is not a local. This makes her keep saying how much she wants to go back home.

Initially, I've endured it all... in fact I still am. She is good natured generally and her fearsome side only show when she's with unhappy with me. Over the last 1/2 year, it shows often.

During which, i was in contact with that customer of mine. She is very nice to chat with. I've never seen her before, but we can talk about anything. Once she lied to me about she going to change her job and instantly, i felt it's a great pity and persuaded her to stay... turns out she is just testing my reaction.

Ever since, we can talk even more things over online means such as MSN, whatsapp. Until she realized that I am still in my office despite late hours.

That was then she tried to counsel my marriage... but it ended up with us having feelings for each other. We tried to avoid it even though we admitted our feelings for each other subtlely

One day, I decided to thank her efforts by asking her to meet me. She initially was afraid, but i told her nothing would have happened over a cup of coffee...

Guess I was wrong.

1 date becomes 2 and 2 becomes 3. On the 3rd date, we just kissed. It was the most intense and passionate kiss i ever had. Maybe we had been expecting it... so it happened without any hesitation when I just stood closer towards her.

Little did I know she had recently divorced and had 3 children.

I thought of just maintaining things platonic. I tried to be more of a friend towards her kids than her as I like kids but my wife and I did not have any...
...We did not have any because we seldomly had sex.

So one fine day, I decided to prepare some desserts for her kids as this lady does not really cook.... her maid does it. We had hell of a fun time making koniyaku together, but then came what shouldn't.

I did not want to cross the line, but lemme say it was kinda cliche, I made my clothes dirty and as I will be fetching my wife later, she told me to take a shower while she washes my clothes and dries them with a dryer.

Then she joined me and we had sex.

I never had such passionate sex before. I am swa ku, maybe, even blowjobs from the best massesuse might have not been this intense. I guess it's because i actually love her alot but i had tried to suppress it.

I'm not really writing to tell you how good the sex was. But then now I have a real big problem.

Technically, my wife had not done anything wrong, but I am so in love with this woman. She is everything I am looking for. No, i have to say my wife more beautiful, but beauty is not what I'm really after. It's the way we click.

This woman is also very understanding. She does not call me at night and never says she loves me because she knows it will be hard for me to let go.

Sometimes, it drives me suicidal. I know it's wrong to be with her, but I just can't help myself.

And to make things worse, the little kids are asking her if 'Uncle' can be 'Daddy' instead

She have not told me, her maid told me so.

Now I am at the point of breaking. I still have affections for my wife for the fact that she have stood by me in my lowest point of life despite the lack of sex, but she seems to have changed. Maybe not much.... maybe I'm just finding excuses.

What willl you do, guys? The answer seems obvious but i am so confused now...

[LeGarcon]

Hey fellow samsters.

I used to cheong the massage scene,.. then i stopped as I realized this was not really what I'm after.

I am married, happy at first but gradually, we seems to drift apart because my spouse does not seems to understand the circumstances of my work that makes me come back home later for dinners and back home late during weekends. I'm in a service line.

My wife was at first seemingly perfect, however, as we are now waiting for our flat, we are currently staying with our parents. As times goes by, she seems to show her true side. She becomes lazy and takes things for granted. She starts finding faults with me and say my pay is too little.

And to add on, she is not a local. This makes her keep saying how much she wants to go back home.

Initially, I've endured it all... in fact I still am. She is good natured generally and her fearsome side only show when she's with unhappy with me. Over the last 1/2 year, it shows often.

During which, i was in contact with that customer of mine. She is very nice to chat with. I've never seen her before, but we can talk about anything. Once she lied to me about she going to change her job and instantly, i felt it's a great pity and persuaded her to stay... turns out she is just testing my reaction.

Ever since, we can talk even more things over online means such as MSN, whatsapp. Until she realized that I am still in my office despite late hours.

That was then she tried to counsel my marriage... but it ended up with us having feelings for each other. We tried to avoid it even though we admitted our feelings for each other subtlely

One day, I decided to thank her efforts by asking her to meet me. She initially was afraid, but i told her nothing would have happened over a cup of coffee...

Guess I was wrong.

1 date becomes 2 and 2 becomes 3. On the 3rd date, we just kissed. It was the most intense and passionate kiss i ever had. Maybe we had been expecting it... so it happened without any hesitation when I just stood closer towards her.

Little did I know she had recently divorced and had 3 children.

I thought of just maintaining things platonic. I tried to be more of a friend towards her kids than her as I like kids but my wife and I did not have any...
...We did not have any because we seldomly had sex.

So one fine day, I decided to prepare some desserts for her kids as this lady does not really cook.... her maid does it. We had hell of a fun time making koniyaku together, but then came what shouldn't.

I did not want to cross the line, but lemme say it was kinda cliche, I made my clothes dirty and as I will be fetching my wife later, she told me to take a shower while she washes my clothes and dries them with a dryer.

Then she joined me and we had sex.

I never had such passionate sex before. I am swa ku, maybe, even blowjobs from the best massesuse might have not been this intense. I guess it's because i actually love her alot but i had tried to suppress it.

I'm not really writing to tell you how good the sex was. But then now I have a real big problem.

Technically, my wife had not done anything wrong, but I am so in love with this woman. She is everything I am looking for. No, i have to say my wife more beautiful, but beauty is not what I'm really after. It's the way we click.

This woman is also very understanding. She does not call me at night and never says she loves me because she knows it will be hard for me to let go.

Sometimes, it drives me suicidal. I know it's wrong to be with her, but I just can't help myself.

And to make things worse, the little kids are asking her if 'Uncle' can be 'Daddy' instead

She have not told me, her maid told me so.

Now I am at the point of breaking. I still have affections for my wife for the fact that she have stood by me in my lowest point of life despite the lack of sex, but she seems to have changed. Maybe not much.... maybe I'm just finding excuses.

What willl you do, guys? The answer seems obvious but i am so confused now...

Bro would you see yourself happier with your wife or this lady?

[Gambit7]

First of all, u gotta ask urself how u fare in all these? What do u think about ur wife in detail? Do u have that intuition that she is not right for u? Do u wanna divorce ur wife? Can u accept that woman is a divorcee? Can u accept her children? When u have children of ur own with her, will u mistreated those 3 children? Or treat them equally? Will it be a serious and stable relationship? If ur answer is a yes in all of the questions, then i suggest u might need to cut the losses with ur wife and be with that woman.

However if ur answer is a no. Then better stick with ur wife and work things out with her. Don't create new problems when u don't need to by continuing to see that woman.

I know it might be very hard for u to take such big decisions cos u r still emotionally unstable. And sometimes emotional part of u overwhelmed the logical part of u. However, we gotta stick to the logic and reality that can solve problems for u and not just drowned in the sea of emotional distress.

[alan0338]

maybe I'm just finding excuses.

What willl you do, guys?


its not maybe, its confirmed u are doing tat ... :p

advise u to hunt more, then after u get tired of tis divorcee, u still can have other choices around since guys can nv be satisfied with watever we have ... :D

[SeanSky]

its not maybe, its confirmed u are doing tat ... :p

advise u to hunt more, then after u get tired of tis divorcee, u still can have other choices around since guys can nv be satisfied with watever we have ... :D

Why are you asking him to hunt more ? For goodness sake he is a married man . :eek: You houkd be advising him to spend more time with his wife. :rolleyes:

[LPPlol]

its not maybe, its confirmed u are doing tat ... :p

advise u to hunt more, then after u get tired of tis divorcee, u still can have other choices around since guys can nv be satisfied with watever we have ... :D

Thanks alan

Although i feel you are right in some ways, i do not want to add on to my burden now..
I think we are a little different in some aspects.

However, i will reflect on what you said about my excuses part.

[LeGarcon]

Dear bro,

It seems ur marriage problems are a little similar to mine. Before u end up with a child, u have to decide.

Would u be happier if u solve ur problems with ur wife? In saying that, if ur wife becomes back to her initial character will u forget your affair?

Same goes for he divorcee. Would u be happier if u divorce your wife and end up with her? If u end up with her will u miss ur wife?

You have the luxury of options because you don't have a child. Make full use of whatever u choose. Don't regret years later.

[jimz]

wogh, what a dilemma, this one very difficult case since the women are not wls

[LPPlol]

Dear bro,

It seems ur marriage problems are a little similar to mine. Before u end up with a child, u have to decide.

Would u be happier if u solve ur problems with ur wife? In saying that, if ur wife becomes back to her initial character will u forget your affair?

Same goes for he divorcee. Would u be happier if u divorce your wife and end up with her? If u end up with her will u miss ur wife?

You have the luxury of options because you don't have a child. Make full use of whatever u choose. Don't regret years later.

Bro LeGarcon

I read your post too... it's after reading your post i decided to ask you guys.

I would very much like to know how do you forget that new woman that came into your life. For me, it's going to be hard. I tried and ended up drinking heavily.

It's strange that my wife did not see anything wrong. She is too infatuated with her iPad.

I do not perceive myself having a luxury of options though. But your wisdom and determination is what I am looking for. I just need to figure out what I need.

[LeGarcon]

Bro LeGarcon

I read your post too... it's after reading your post i decided to ask you guys.

I would very much like to know how do you forget that new woman that came into your life. For me, it's going to be hard. I tried and ended up drinking heavily.

It's strange that my wife did not see anything wrong. She is too infatuated with her iPad.

I do not perceive myself having a luxury of options though. But your wisdom and determination is what I am looking for. I just need to figure out what I need.

It's going to be hard for u man. For me it's easy. She doesn't reply my SMS. I'm not betting on her picking up the phone. So I can just let her become a distant memory. Or even a hallucination if I really need to.

U already had a feeling of family life with her. Do u think u can let go so easily? I don't think so. I'm being brutally frank.

Why don't u seek her opinion. If she really matters to u u need her input too.

[alan0338]

..............

[LPPlol]

Thank you brothers (and sisters, if any) for your input. I did read them through and consider the options laid out. Previously. all i ever did was escape from reality.

Bro LeGarcon, I think you are lucky and determined.

For my case, I think her lack of a man in her life had led her to behave that way. I tried to perceive it that way and tried to forget that she ever loved me because she have never said so.

But whenever she sms me with simple things like how is my family and tells me things about her sons/ daughter, i feel very messed up. I do want to go back to them at times and be their nice 'Uncle' that brings them out and cooks for them.

She also tried to be just a friend, but she just admitted she couldn't do it anymore.

My wife, as I've said, generally done no wrong. I do feel at times she is not right for me just like she feels I'm not right for her at times. But we have endured 2 years together with the 1st 1/2 year being the sweetest ... I'm not particularly happy, it was overall bland, but at least quite it's a peaceful married life with lesser sex than most (I presume.. once or twice a month)

If you ask me, I am actually happier with the Divorcee. She is independent, fun to be with, a caring mother and understands me.
But I do not want to cause my wife the heavy grievance of having her husband loving another woman, furthermore a divorcee physically less attractive than she is. Also imagine igniting the ire of both sides - my wife's family and mine. I can weigh the options but I did think about just fuck-care all these interferences.

I need time to sort things out. I really want to run away from all these mess but in the meantime, imagine having to face them everyday... this is where the emotional turmoil comes.

I hope I can find the strength and all other brothers learn a lesson from me.

[LeGarcon]

Cheer up dude. A holiday might do u good.

I hang on to my phone hoping the next text is from her the whole time. Lol. I'm not as determined as you think.

Its all the complications in life that make our lives interesting.

[erkobb]

Bro, you need to project as far as possible 5 yrs or 10 yrs down the road. Do you see things improving with your wife? If not, then you need to cut the string now while you have no further complication (ie. no kids and no knowledge of 3rd party) - this is the first priority. Once you sort this out in your mind, then you can move on and consider if divorcee remains as friend or something more.

Goodluck!

[fdome]

advise u to hunt more, then after u get tired of tis divorcee, u still can have other choices around since guys can nv be satisfied with watever we have ... :D

haha bro, feel same hehe, can not agree more.

Or ts become divorcee and can do whatever he likes :D

[badboy123]

ask yourself if you are willing to father 3 kids who are not yours. i am in the same situation as you. im in love with this woman whom i have been seeing for the past 2 years. she has a kid who is not mine. and to make matters worse, she is 7 years older than me. ASK YOURSELF what you want and if you can take the consequences. IS IT A CRUSH!? or is it really love. please think. SEX can be bought. but LOVE cannot.

THINK CAREFULLY!!

[sane]

For a woman who left her family n friends behind to live with a man whom she entrust her lifelong happiness to, a woman who's lonely n waiting for her hb to return home, she definitely deserve someone better.

Do a good deed, release your wife while she's still young, she deserve someone better.

U sound like someone who do things without considering the consequences and let things blow out of proportion.

Do guys really think that marriage is a bed of roses, just like the initial honeymoon period when the sex is great and endless topics to talk about? It takes alot alot of tolerance/patience, mutual understanding, communication and love to make it work.

Fr wat u posted, the married woman is not as easy as what you tot. First she tested you on the phone then the invitation to her house, the clothes, her maid telling you tales on the kids.

How many times have u seen her kids? n they are asking u to be daddy? and her using her kids to tug your heart strings.

For someone who been there, done there and being a divorcee, a woman herself, she should noe the pain of a broken marriage than to inflict hurt on another woman, sleeping with other's husband.

It seem like she's luring you away from the marriage and if u ever choose her, what are you gotta do once the honeymoon period fades off? U will be stucking with a woman who's less attractive than your wife with a household of 3 mouths to feed n a maid to support.

Think about it, your wife is a just a simple homely housewife. Like every other woman, nag occasionally. If you cannot love her, leave her and let her find her happiness.

[LeGarcon]

For a woman who left her family n friends behind to live with a man whom she entrust her lifelong happiness to, a woman who's lonely n waiting for her hb to return home, she definitely deserve someone better.

Do a good deed, release your wife while she's still young, she deserve someone better.

U sound like someone who do things without considering the consequences and let things blow out of proportion.

Do guys really think that marriage is a bed of roses, just like the initial honeymoon period when the sex is great and endless topics to talk about? It takes alot alot of tolerance/patience, mutual understanding, communication and love to make it work.

Fr wat u posted, the married woman is not as easy as what you tot. First she tested you on the phone then the invitation to her house, the clothes, her maid telling you tales on the kids.

How many times have u seen her kids? n they are asking u to be daddy? and her using her kids to tug your heart strings.

For someone who been there, done there and being a divorcee, a woman herself, she should noe the pain of a broken marriage than to inflict hurt on another woman, sleeping with other's husband.

It seem like she's luring you away from the marriage and if u ever choose her, what are you gotta do once the honeymoon period fades off? U will be stucking with a woman who's less attractive than your wife with a household of 3 mouths to feed n a maid to support.

Think about it, your wife is a just a simple homely housewife. Like every other woman, nag occasionally. If you cannot love her, leave her and let her find her happiness.



Very good viewpoint. Haven't thought of it that way.

[sane]

Very good viewpoint. Haven't thought of it that way.

It is even worse that the TOW is a customer at the workplace. If he doesn't handle it well, not only he will lose the wife but the rice bowl as well.

Scandal at workplace is the worse that could happen. My ex boss got terminated because of his scandalous affairs which greatly affect his image in the co, the management n staff were all talking behind his back.

TS is really playing with a big ball of fire.

[Guardsmanwarrio]

Bro what you are experiencing now is infatuation over mundane.
Maybe it is because you and your wife had been together for quite some time
And the novelty dies out..
But that doesn't mean there is no unconditional love for your wife
True love can never be replaced by infatuation
Once you had enough with the divorcee , I believed you will regret your actions and come crawling back to your wife

Thus in conclusion, just had fun with the divorcee and know that deep in your heart , your wife is still the best

Cheers!

[sane]

Like to understand more from guys perceptions, especially for who's playing outside, No matter how discreet, there will always be a chance that the wife will find out.

If ever she find out, u know that it will hurt her badly n will be losing her for sure, will you still take the risk?

For those with kids, as we know woman charter in SG is strong in protecting the women.
In the event of divorce, the matrimonial home and the custody of the kids all goes to the mother with a monthly alimony up to 50% of salary to support them, will u consider these factors before stepping into marriage?

For those women who won't divorce, but Will take revenge by sleeping around outside or even fathered a child outside with the bf, can u accept n give her a chance too?

Pls enlighten. Tks.

[LPPlol]

Thanks for the response again.

Didn't expect so much feedbacks. Was drunk again and took MC. :(
My wife also came back in the wee hours. She had been drinking too.. It did hurt me to see her so upset. She must have known something is wrong too. She just didn't say.

Sane, you made me realize the situtation i gotten myself into. I must have not considered the consequences. All i thought was I needed someone who must have been able to care for me more than what I am getting and the happiness that I was after. I guess i was selfish and naive

However, Sane, if you say that she is the lonely wife waiting for the hb to come back home, I think you might have perceived it wrongly. I was the lonely hb waiting for the wife to come back home or at least warm up to my advances of romance before it all happened.

I can understand the direction you are coming from regarding TOW. However, I really cannot perceive her as this scheming. Maybe she is, but I can't see it now.

Badboy123, the woman is 6 years older than me. I honestly do not see a problem fathering the 3 kids actually

Not that I am trying to justify myself here, but I am explaining the possible causes and the solutions I've thought... though most of them are not easy to execute.

All in all, it's up to me to decide. The consequences I have to face with whatever decision i made will hurt, but if i make a right one, I will at least keep everything in it's best integrity.

I now know what to do, but I need to know how should I do it without hurting the 4 of them (TOW and her kids). I know it's not possible, but do you all think i can make it turn back to where we were?

What if I just ignore her? I know it will be hard as we shared more than what we should, but do you guys think it's possible?

Thanks for your feedbacks and I do consider every advices you brothers and sisters contributed

[LPPlol]

And also, should I tell my wife what happened? I really don't know. :(

[see see only]

Sometime I'm wondering could we blame the society which brainwashed us from very young on the beautiful image of a wedding ceremony and how sweet a honeymoon is …. AND everyone should be looking forward to get married asap …. In sillypore even worse, we are lured by the fact that after marriage we could get ton of benefit in getting a heavily subsided HDB flat and make good money in selling it eventually after 5 years. But how little are we educated to choose the right partner in the first place, how to maintain a marriage after and most important of all, how many of us undertsand a marriage is the beginning of a “love” journey not as simple as “happily ever after” :rolleyes:

BTW TS,

It is easy to end a unhappy “love” journey and paying ($$$) for the mistake for making a wrong choice in the first place. But you mentioned your “ex-wife to be” did not show her true self to you before marriage …… :confused: I guess you won’t make the same mistake with your judgment on the next, Right? Now this time is 1 plus 3 you know …. Hopefully she is not putting up an act in order to win you over for the time being .... nevertheless good luck :)

[see see only]

............I now know what to do, but I need to know how should I do it without hurting the 4 of them (TOW and her kids). I know it's not possible, but do you all think i can make it turn back to where we were? ...........

Sorry TS ... read this post after i submitted reply ... :o


It always tough to be a "GOOD" person ... :eek: as most good person have to take up the responsiblity to absorb all the pressure without the related parties knowing ...

However since you ask ... you could choose to talk it out with "the woman" and i believe and hope that she is mature enough to take your proposal to let all the 3 lovely children become your god-children, bring them out once a while without the mother but with your wife instead ... (hurt 3 better 4 right :rolleyes:)

[sane]

Thanks for the response again.

Didn't expect so much feedbacks. Was drunk again and took MC. :(
My wife also came back in the wee hours. She had been drinking too.. It did hurt me to see her so upset. She must have known something is wrong too. She just didn't say.

Sane, you made me realize the situtation i gotten myself into. I must have not considered the consequences. All i thought was I needed someone who must have been able to care for me more than what I am getting and the happiness that I was after. I guess i was selfish and naive

However, Sane, if you say that she is the lonely wife waiting for the hb to come back home, I think you might have perceived it wrongly. I was the lonely hb waiting for the wife to come back home or at least warm up to my advances of romance before it all happened.

I can understand the direction you are coming from regarding TOW. However, I really cannot perceive her as this scheming. Maybe she is, but I can't see it now.

Badboy123, the woman is 6 years older than me. I honestly do not see a problem fathering the 3 kids actually

Not that I am trying to justify myself here, but I am explaining the possible causes and the solutions I've thought... though most of them are not easy to execute.

All in all, it's up to me to decide. The consequences I have to face with whatever decision i made will hurt, but if i make a right one, I will at least keep everything in it's best integrity.

I now know what to do, but I need to know how should I do it without hurting the 4 of them (TOW and her kids). I know it's not possible, but do you all think i can make it turn back to where we were?

What if I just ignore her? I know it will be hard as we shared more than what we should, but do you guys think it's possible?

Thanks for your feedbacks and I do consider every advices you brothers and sisters contributed

I really cannot perceive her as this scheming

How well do you know her? A few dates n she actually bring u home? Are you sure that you are the only man in her life now? or she see u only as a fb?

Even so, what kind of mother will do this without considering the feelings of the kids?
As you've mentioned, she's recently divorced n with the husband just 1 leg out, she bought another man, a married man somemore to the extend of hving sex at home with the kids n maid around?

the woman is 6 years older than me. I honestly do not see a problem fathering the 3 kids actually

She is probably more worldwisely than you, not a easy spring chicken to handle but definitely smart enough to gain from the separation.

AGAIN, you say things without considering the consequences.

U don't mind to accept them or don't mind paying for them? Kids are not just there to play with, make them happy, make them laugh. That's it.
Do you know the expenses of a kid nowadays? Fr the infant stage to child caring? Childcare fees ($500-800 monthly), enrichment fees ($200-300 monthly), tuition fees ($200-300monthly), food, clothings, medical bills ($80-$200++ per trip), toys/books/holidays exclude the time to educate, discipline and to play with them. When they are sick, you have to take leave to monitor them 24/7. Multiply all by 3.

Oh ya, did I mention about the household bills/phone bills, expenses, salary/levy for the maid?

Seriously speaking, I really don't know why on earth can she find time to date with you especially she just got divorced. Isn't this the time that the kids need attention the most? :confused:

It seem like she is capable to make you deeply besotted with her to the extend of causing a strain to your personal life and soon, marriage, perhaps job.

If you are so concerned about the kids, you should not even let them know your existence in the first place. I can't really tell whether she see you as a treadstone? a potential future daddy for her kids but definitely all these at the expense of your marriage.

It is a matter of time that all these will explode and I m 100% sure that you will definitely be in a worse situation than before.

Every good thing will come to a end eventually. If you really treasure your wife, start all over with her again (don't ever mention abt your EMA). Don't make her lose heart and do the same to you. Nowadays what the guys did, the women can do it 10 times better morever she's young and pretty. There will be a long queue waiting for her if she ever want.

Yeah. Keep a distance from your fling, treat as if nothing ever happen and don't ever say much. If you are lucky, she will let you get away scot free afterall it's u who ask her out first. If suay, she will probably either use her kids to emotional blackmail you, spill the bean to your wife or workplace.

Good luck

[Me Siam Bu]

totally agree bro

[sane]

And also, should I tell my wife what happened? I really don't know. :(

Please don't unless u want to D her.

[alan0338]

u know that it will hurt her badly n will be losing her for sure, will you still take the risk?


wont say all, but many still will and tats y there are ppl who say 妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不到 ... insatiable is 1 of human's nature ... :D

but those tat deserve to kena fuck are those tat tao jiak but pushing the blame to others ... :rolleyes:

[Mr_don_juan]

wont say all, but many still will and tats y there are ppl who say 妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不到 ... insatiable is 1 of human's nature ... :D

but those are not so jialat, there are some who blame the spouse for their affairs ... tat is call bo standard liao ... :o

Bro.. in other words also means as 得不到的，永远是最美好的，痒难耐的，即不是妻,也不是妾，而是偷不着的... that y in life hab to give and take.. :p

[sane]

Sometime I'm wondering could we blame the society which brainwashed us from very young on the beautiful image of a wedding ceremony and how sweet a honeymoon is …. AND everyone should be looking forward to get married asap …. In sillypore even worse, we are lured by the fact that after marriage we could get ton of benefit in getting a heavily subsided HDB flat and make good money in selling it eventually after 5 years. But how little are we educated to choose the right partner in the first place, how to maintain a marriage after and most important of all, how many of us undertsand a marriage is the beginning of a “love” journey not as simple as “happily ever after” :rolleyes:

BTW TS,

It is easy to end a unhappy “love” journey and paying ($$$) for the mistake for making a wrong choice in the first place. But you mentioned your “ex-wife to be” did not show her true self to you before marriage …… :confused: I guess you won’t make the same mistake with your judgment on the next, Right? Now this time is 1 plus 3 you know …. Hopefully she is not putting up an act in order to win you over for the time being .... nevertheless good luck :)

Have you ever heard of "a leopard will never change its spot"? It is not as if people will change but have it occur to you that people are so blindly in love that they never notice the flaws?

Staying and facing each other everyday is so different from the dating stage when both parties are putting on their best front for each other, ever so sweet, lovely-dovey nice n accomodating.

In reality, there are financial issues to consider from, in laws issues, adapt to each other lifestyle/household/living habit. It will future complicate things when the kids come, there's no more couple world but the time will be focus on the kids instead.

Prior to marriage, perhaps one might want to consider whether he/she is the right one to walk thru the entire life together?
Whether you can love the person for what they are and accept all flaws regardless of who and what he/she is? We have a problem here, we stick it through and work it out mentality.

There are still couples who work it through though it takes endless love and patience.

If not ready, it's better not to step into one. Being a singleton is so much better and carefree.

[sane]

wont say all, but many still will and tats y there are ppl who say 妻不如妾，妾不如偷，偷不如偷不到 ... insatiable is 1 of human's nature ... :D

but those tat deserve to kena fuck are those tat tao jiak but pushing the blame to others ... :rolleyes:

True, before pointing fingers at others, do a self-reflection first.

[sane]

True, before pointing fingers at others, do a self-reflection first.

Thanks bro for ur up :o

[Incongnito]

Bro, once I heard a old man telling me. U can have many flings or gfs outside ur marriage. Wife is not the girl whom u will love thru out ur life, but she will always be a man's responsibility. draw the line...

[Babygirlzz]

Agree... ....


Have you ever heard of "a leopard will never change its spot"? It is not as if people will change but have it occur to you that people are so blindly in love that they never notice the flaws?

Staying and facing each other everyday is so different from the dating stage when both parties are putting on their best front for each other, ever so sweet, lovely-dovey nice n accomodating.

In reality, there are financial issues to consider from, in laws issues, adapt to each other lifestyle/household/living habit. It will future complicate things when the kids come, there's no more couple world but the time will be focus on the kids instead.

Prior to marriage, perhaps one might want to consider whether he/she is the right one to walk thru the entire life together?
Whether you can love the person for what they are and accept all flaws regardless of who and what he/she is? We have a problem here, we stick it through and work it out mentality.

There are still couples who work it through though it takes endless love and patience.

If not ready, it's better not to step into one. Being a singleton is so much better and carefree.

[playboybunny]

First of all, u gotta ask urself how u fare in all these? What do u think about ur wife in detail? Do u have that intuition that she is not right for u? Do u wanna divorce ur wife? Can u accept that woman is a divorcee? Can u accept her children? When u have children of ur own with her, will u mistreated those 3 children? Or treat them equally? Will it be a serious and stable relationship? If ur answer is a yes in all of the questions, then i suggest u might need to cut the losses with ur wife and be with that woman.

However if ur answer is a no. Then better stick with ur wife and work things out with her. Don't create new problems when u don't need to by continuing to see that woman.

I know it might be very hard for u to take such big decisions cos u r still emotionally unstable. And sometimes emotional part of u overwhelmed the logical part of u. However, we gotta stick to the logic and reality that can solve problems for u and not just drowned in the sea of emotional distress.

You're right.

Think with the brain, not with the heart.

Our heart isn't programmed to help us think.

[San Guo]

My opinion is Don let people down..is better people let u down..what goes around comes around..

[Subaru75]

Bro ,remember 1 thing this is so call the honeymoon period for u and the lady,the future road will be very tough ,and u did mention ur wife say ur pay is low and what made u think that when u r together wif this lady ur pay will increase .and most important thing is that u will have 3 children to feed on and this will add on heavily to ur expenses .do think carefully ,and in 3rd date u can kiss and have sex ,will u be the only guy she bring home ?think wif big head and don't get too emotion

[iossshee]

bro rememeber this when u have an arguement with your wife ....

COUPLE LIVE TOGETHER THEY WILL NOT FOR LOVE ... IS THEY MUST KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER ...

DUN RUN AWAY FROM PROBLEM ... be responsible ... you decide to married her did you ... and dun always think about ME (yourself) to start or end the point of arguement ... ...

NOTE : to LOVE is easy ... to FORGIVE is hard ... Face the problem sit down and talk as a MAN with your wife ... communication is always the key to hold a relationship bond together ... grass always look greener the other side ... responsibility to start a family is not a game where you can just end by signing papers ...

Pls give your wife a chance ... listen what she have to say alchol wun change your life; but if both of you sit down and talk it out this will change your LIFE ...

PM me if you need to assistance ...

[wahleoweh]

bro TS,

I was looking for advice of my own and did not want to offer. but after reading ur post, and scanning thru some replies, I wanted to give my 2 cents worth.

yes, marriage is important. but sometimes marriage can be a mistake. if u find a true love, a deep connection, I would go for it.

I am a divorcee. I wanted to work it out with my ex-wife and begged her to stop seeing this other guy. she refused, and in the end it was better for both of us, because we were both miserable and I realised we were not right for each other. I got over my hurt of betrayal and wish her well now, while I am enjoying meeting new girls and hopefully to find someone who will love me for who I am and dun wan to make another mistake in marriage.

bro, if u truly love this divorcee, and her children, then do the right thing. tell your wife that ur not happy and want a divorce, and show her that she is not happy too, bcos she is upset that u don't spend enough time with her, and complains that u dun earn enough. not to judge her but she is not receiving from u the love she needs, and in return u are not receiving the support u need to pull out of ur depression.

ultimately only u know what is true, who u love more. and u admit that u may be looking for excuses to justify ur affair.

it is possible that the other woman is only an infatuation as u both seek relief from ur own problems. u could work it out with your wife and both of u will learn to take care of each other better, if u can leave aside ur work problems and keep her feeling like a princess while she makes u feel like her king.

on the other hand, ur affair with the divorcee started out with words, not lust. it could be a real connection and true love, since you say you both click.

if u cannot figure it out, try and see a counsellor. Care and Counselling at Hong Lim is a good place to start, where they will help u find clarity of ur own mind, too many other voices may confuse u. whatever u choose, u can get the help u need to decide.

good luck

[arsenal_84]

Buy one, get 3...unless you don't plan to have kids with the divorcee in the future, I suggest you settle things with your wife first before making a decision.
Any lady can be independent especially when she is a single mom.

[Bittersweets]

Buy one, get 3

Buy 1, get 4 actually. :eek: lol

[milford]

I saw a simliar story in Simply Her magazine. One female just divorced, went online and know of this guy who is perfect to her. Later she realised he was married but she has already fallen for him. One day, the guy lied to his wife that he is going on a business trip and went to cohabit with her for 6-7 days. They have a very happy time. After the loving, the guy went back to his family and 'disappear' from her life. He said he cannot abandon his wife whom he knew for more than a decade for someone whom he knew for a few months.

I cannot imagine you will abandon your own children to support other people children with different surnames. Do you bear to see your own children grow up without a father and become a delinquent in society? That 3rd party is just a dream, your wife and family is a reality.

[fixxxer]

Bro, been in such a situation before.... While in relationship with my wife, everyday was a fucking bed of roses. But aft marriage things will start to change. How it changes we will never know but something will happen to test ur marriage like what u r going thru now. I'm here not to advise u but to share what i went thru also... To put the story short, i had lots of disagreements and issues i never thot i will have before i got married to the woman i loved... And all of a sudden i got contact with a person who i never had a relationship before.. I knew this woman nearly 10 yrs back since my days of working as a bouncer and she is a teacher today. She drives and has cash but tht wasnt the factor in wht was to happen. Bros, everyman has a vision of how he wants his wife to be... but heaven isnt kind to grant such a wish to all men... But i found such a woman after i got married, well at least thts wht i thot... I became to think tht i married the wrong person and i was feeling shitty everyday esp when probs arise at home. How to go bk home when u know u gonna argue or not have any peace even if u go bk... anyway as time went my normal relationship started to turn sexual... I met her 4-5 times a week and we bonked everywhere... from in the car, hotel, beach.. even overseas... The sex was damn good and i had a lady dying to look aft me... she was at my call anytime and i too went to great extents to make her happy... things at home were normal, i didnt talk much to the wife and it was vice versa.. at a certain point of time, i just thot tht if i get caught, fuck it and go for divorce cause i really loved the other woman... Will continue the story if bros wanna know what happened as i need to leave office now...

[milford]

Hi bro,

You have a juicy story leh, when can you post the next part of the story?

Bro, been in such a situation before.... While in relationship with my wife, everyday was a fucking bed of roses. But aft marriage things will start to change. How it changes we will never know but something will happen to test ur marriage like what u r going thru now. I'm here not to advise u but to share what i went thru also... To put the story short, i had lots of disagreements and issues i never thot i will have before i got married to the woman i loved... And all of a sudden i got contact with a person who i never had a relationship before.. I knew this woman nearly 10 yrs back since my days of working as a bouncer and she is a teacher today. She drives and has cash but tht wasnt the factor in wht was to happen. Bros, everyman has a vision of how he wants his wife to be... but heaven isnt kind to grant such a wish to all men... But i found such a woman after i got married, well at least thts wht i thot... I became to think tht i married the wrong person and i was feeling shitty everyday esp when probs arise at home. How to go bk home when u know u gonna argue or not have any peace even if u go bk... anyway as time went my normal relationship started to turn sexual... I met her 4-5 times a week and we bonked everywhere... from in the car, hotel, beach.. even overseas... The sex was damn good and i had a lady dying to look aft me... she was at my call anytime and i too went to great extents to make her happy... things at home were normal, i didnt talk much to the wife and it was vice versa.. at a certain point of time, i just thot tht if i get caught, fuck it and go for divorce cause i really loved the other woman... Will continue the story if bros wanna know what happened as i need to leave office now...