Curious xmm

[Intrigued]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

[ICAlaw101]

Visits whilst attached is nothing wrong at law. I guess so long as it us not illegal, there is no offense committed and guys may just do it. There is nothing binding in a relationship even if one is attached as it can be easily unlatched.

[arsenal_84]

first of all, how can someone from a conservative background call herself open minded...really beats me :confused:

don't be surprised that even guys in their early 20s are already fooling around in the commercial sex scene.
everyone in this world has a different moral approach...while i used to think church goers are holy but apparently i was wrong.
some church ladies in other forums claimed to have lose their virginity during 18-20.

as you start to go out and work, you'll realised that the world is not that simple especially when ppl have needs and wants, that's when you learn to see the world in tainted glasses.
and i can say almost every industry has some black sheeps here and there.
life is not a bed of roses, everyone has his/her own operating procedure.

[hoA123]

maybe you have yet to find out what the ladies do? :)
it makes the SG guys lose hope too.

[goodpartner]

We've heard that ignorance is a blessing sometimes and it's very true for you ms intrigued. The fact that you've already learn so much about the vice from this forum means your mind has just been 'open up', unfortunately.

Bye bye to your conservative values, as you already started to loose confidence in men (mind you, not just sg men ok) and these knowledge will hunt you forever... Too bad.

I can almost sense that this cruel revelation is having a big impact on your conservative mindset so much so that some kind of rebellion is imminent.... Much like a hot-blood ____ ready to be unleashed! (I would imagine those really strong willed conservative gals would have shunt away from this forum on first look with a loud eek... not be so..intrigued till registering a nick and post such questions)

We welcome you to the dark side :D
See you around ya?

[maninsinsha]

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys?

Yes. It is a norm, not only for the guys but for the gals as well. For a FB relationship to exist, It must at least have the same amount of guys/gals ratios, isn't it? And haven't you heard of Gigolo joints where ladies used to frequent spending thousands of dollars every night? :rolleyes:

As you learn more about this realistic world, you might, one day, get yourself a FB or visit those Gigolo joints where you get crazy hanging flowers to the gigolos too. ;):D

Have a Happy Lunar New Year.

[superbeat]

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

hey girl,
you are rite guys like to have sex and we can have sex with girls we juz met and paying for sex has been going since the begining of mankind. girls especially in asia have been program to see sex as "forbidden" or "dirty" but it is a very natural and beautiful act hopefully in future you will find a good lover that will bring you ecstasy and immense pleasure if not jus pm me. :)
we sg guys are under a lot of pressure at work and we must work doubly hard if not our bosses can jus hire foreigners to do our job at less than our salary. having sex is a good stress buster why deny us ???

[bastardball]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person. ...I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.


There was once a quote by this slut.....forgot what her name was....as a whore, she said something very wise...."Women are decent only because they have yet to taste temptation"......

Of course I'm sure you won't know any guys personally who does this....common...a guy who is attached/married and fucks around will boast to everyone or keep his sex life secret? For all u noe...ur relatives or holy friends have VIP access to those Geyland brothels....

Just as you have lost hope in guys, it has become the same for some of us guys. That is why u have local guys who prefer to marry foreign ladies. I'm not here to start a war of words with regards local girls vs foreign ladies....but to make a relationship work, it takes two hands to clap.

I have come across so many decent girls in my life....only to discover they are whores and sluts on the inside. Once unleased.....the floodgates remain opened. You will be surprised how girls think nowadays....totally liberal mindset and nonchalent to multiple sex partners....

The fact that you are a virgin and have such an attitude towards guys, you could jolly well be the odd one instead of the norm.



**P.S. My long-term girlfriend left me for a married guy....a good and faithful guy like me was reborn...into a bastardball....:cool:

[arsenal_84]

**P.S. My long-term girlfriend left me for a married guy....a good and faithful guy like me was reborn...into a bastardball....:cool:

any chance you reckon that you might turn good again someday ?
i personally don't believe once a leopard always a leopard.

[Ken79]

pls lah, sg women full of idealistic, unrealistic, materialistic and naive + demanding attributes, statistics already show 30% of local men marry foreign women

that means 30% of local women cant find husband and if local women still think local men not good enough i dont know where they can find good guys liao, ang moh is more playful n horny than us lor, when they want to dump you they simply throw u out of the house, sg men will still see kun cheng and responsibility to support u.

anyway dont bother us men go out fuck around, as long as we give wife enough money to survive without difficulties, just shut the f up! if not simply divorce la if cannot turn a blind eye.

[sammyboyfor]

makes me lose hope in sg guys.

If you think the Yanks, Japs, Koreans, Thais, Brits, Frenchies, Italians, Malaysians, Indians etc are any better, you're living in some sort of dreamland.

All men are the same the world over. Some are faithful... most are not.

[jasdude]

hi y'all

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?


little girl . don't try to stir shit in a sewer . :D please don't generalize just because men do it on a more high profile way than women . Women now days are doing the same thing or worse than what men can do .

[makemecum]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

.....

1st how u com to know about dis forum?
or y r u in dis forum ever ?
xmm should stay home & play jia jia jiu...

ahould u continue to plough tru dis forum, u will c the plight of singapore guys
which guys dun wan a decent girl...but sg girls nowaday r no longer decent leh...

[MengJai]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

You stated ur age etc, but u din say how tall n heavy are u. Hmm, so let me guess, either tall n big n meaty, or small but still meaty with alot extra? N ur virginity issue, I guess, was not by choice?

Clearly this may not be the rite website for u.

[kitari]

In as much as you think you will lose hope in sg guys. you might want to consider some guys are already lose hope in your girls. you might say you are not picky or whatever. and use not fated as some lame excuse.

definitely you've got some male attention if you're decent looking enough.

i personally haven't had attention from any girl. i don't have a sense of humour unless i'm with my long time friends. i don't open up that easily especially with girls. sometimes you girls have a golden mouth. maybe it's just a personal issue with girls on my part. but i'm certain there are bros out there like me.

i've never had a gf before. and i don't expect any girl to understand why i do what i do. my first is with a WL. i'm not a regular chiongster. but does it matter? sg girls are judgemental. most of them are anyway.

my family is conservative also what. i waited till 22 for the right one. never came and i gave up. we guys have emotions to man. just because we hide them doesn't mean we don't have them. if you're here to moralise just go away.

for me it's careers first girls second. with money sure got girls. don't give a damn about true love or what shit. don't give me the nonsense of fated or not. everything is a choice. yours and some other person's.

[see see only]

Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person :rolleyes: ...... wahahaha


So just do the things, you feel like doing :)


Dont steal, dont rob, dont kill ........... tat's good enough :D

[RealEstateGuy]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.



Sister you have to realize the participants on this board and their habits do not represent a microcosm of SG society. You will find the mentally perverse here along with some normal people. Just need to keeo in mind not every guy in SG sleeps with hookers constantly. Also some of the experiences documented here are works of fiction meant to stroke the posters own ego or to gain points. Can you believe it?

Ask not what SG society can do for you but what you can do for SG society.

[sethanubis]

In as much as you think you will lose hope in sg guys. you might want to consider some guys are already lose hope in your girls. you might say you are not picky or whatever. and use not fated as some lame excuse.

definitely you've got some male attention if you're decent looking enough.

i personally haven't had attention from any girl. i don't have a sense of humour unless i'm with my long time friends. i don't open up that easily especially with girls. sometimes you girls have a golden mouth. maybe it's just a personal issue with girls on my part. but i'm certain there are bros out there like me.

i've never had a gf before. and i don't expect any girl to understand why i do what i do. my first is with a WL. i'm not a regular chiongster. but does it matter? sg girls are judgemental. most of them are anyway.

my family is conservative also what. i waited till 22 for the right one. never came and i gave up. we guys have emotions to man. just because we hide them doesn't mean we don't have them. if you're here to moralise just go away.

for me it's careers first girls second. with money sure got girls. don't give a damn about true love or what shit. don't give me the nonsense of fated or not. everything is a choice. yours and some other person's.

yea bro im same like u :( but im 23 and still waiting lol :p

[JacqueMerlin]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person. so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will? also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

Are you a christian by the way?

[orneryjoe]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

You ought to read the research of Dr Helen Fisher about human sexuality.

Few species of animals are truly monogamous. Monogamy is a cultural trait that evolved probably due to religion's anti-sex attitude.

Falling in love with one person is real, but it seldom lasts beyond five years.

As people live longer, healthier lives, the urge to stray becomes ever more common.

These are hard truths about life.

[Gaia81]

XMM, welcome to the real world.

[Nickochee]

TS, ur awefully quiet yah...

[Intrigued]

TS, ur awefully quiet yah...

paiseh la I don't frequent this forum and had no idea there were so many replies to my thread. I just only this morning received an email notification telling me that my inbox was 90% full so I logged in to check my inbox and - lo and behold - 6 messages from samsters asking to be "friends", 1 advising me to stay away from this forum lest it ruins my life(LOL, but thanks for your concern: I appreciate it), 1 asking me if i've found the answer to my question, and 1 telling me that flings are commonplace but that there are still lots of people out there who are not into these things, happy new year to me(haha).

[Intrigued]

Visits whilst attached is nothing wrong at law. I guess so long as it us not illegal, there is no offense committed and guys may just do it. There is nothing binding in a relationship even if one is attached as it can be easily unlatched.

this was never an issue about the law, but I appreciate your insight - even if I don't necessarily agree with it.

[Intrigued]

first of all, how can someone from a conservative background call herself open minded...really beats me :confused:

don't be surprised that even guys in their early 20s are already fooling around in the commercial sex scene.
everyone in this world has a different moral approach...while i used to think church goers are holy but apparently i was wrong.
some church ladies in other forums claimed to have lose their virginity during 18-20.

as you start to go out and work, you'll realised that the world is not that simple especially when ppl have needs and wants, that's when you learn to see the world in tainted glasses.
and i can say almost every industry has some black sheeps here and there.
life is not a bed of roses, everyone has his/her own operating procedure.

I read somewhere that "open" merely means being receptive to new ideas.

I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but somehow or another, grew up to be let's just say quite different from how my parents would have wanted me to be.

"some church ladies in other forums claimed to have lose their virginity during 18-20." um, so? maybe they lost it to their other half whilst in a serious, committed relationship?

[Intrigued]

maybe you have yet to find out what the ladies do? :)
it makes the SG guys lose hope too.

what do the ladies do exactly?

[Intrigued]

We've heard that ignorance is a blessing sometimes and it's very true for you ms intrigued. The fact that you've already learn so much about the vice from this forum means your mind has just been 'open up', unfortunately.

Bye bye to your conservative values, as you already started to loose confidence in men (mind you, not just sg men ok) and these knowledge will hunt you forever... Too bad.

I can almost sense that this cruel revelation is having a big impact on your conservative mindset so much so that some kind of rebellion is imminent.... Much like a hot-blood ____ ready to be unleashed! (I would imagine those really strong willed conservative gals would have shunt away from this forum on first look with a loud eek... not be so..intrigued till registering a nick and post such questions)

We welcome you to the dark side :D
See you around ya?

what does my losing confidence in men have to do with my values? I don't live for men y'know.

[Intrigued]

hey girl,
you are rite guys like to have sex and we can have sex with girls we juz met and paying for sex has been going since the begining of mankind. girls especially in asia have been program to see sex as "forbidden" or "dirty" but it is a very natural and beautiful act hopefully in future you will find a good lover that will bring you ecstasy and immense pleasure if not jus pm me. :)
we sg guys are under a lot of pressure at work and we must work doubly hard if not our bosses can jus hire foreigners to do our job at less than our salary. having sex is a good stress buster why deny us ???

I have nothing against prostitution or sex in general. I understand that guys have urges, and their need to fulfill them.

the main purpose of my starting this thread was to gain an insight into why attached men specifically visit prostitutes and if it was a common practice amongst sg men.

[Intrigued]

There was once a quote by this slut.....forgot what her name was....as a whore, she said something very wise...."Women are decent only because they have yet to taste temptation"......

Of course I'm sure you won't know any guys personally who does this....common...a guy who is attached/married and fucks around will boast to everyone or keep his sex life secret? For all u noe...ur relatives or holy friends have VIP access to those Geyland brothels....

Just as you have lost hope in guys, it has become the same for some of us guys. That is why u have local guys who prefer to marry foreign ladies. I'm not here to start a war of words with regards local girls vs foreign ladies....but to make a relationship work, it takes two hands to clap.

I have come across so many decent girls in my life....only to discover they are whores and sluts on the inside. Once unleased.....the floodgates remain opened. You will be surprised how girls think nowadays....totally liberal mindset and nonchalent to multiple sex partners....

The fact that you are a virgin and have such an attitude towards guys, you could jolly well be the odd one instead of the norm.



**P.S. My long-term girlfriend left me for a married guy....a good and faithful guy like me was reborn...into a bastardball....:cool:

what attitude towards guys specifically?

[Intrigued]

any chance you reckon that you might turn good again someday ?
i personally don't believe once a leopard always a leopard.

I wouldn't rule out the possibility but it would be difficult. his cynicism is his downfall.

[Intrigued]

If you think the Yanks, Japs, Koreans, Thais, Brits, Frenchies, Italians, Malaysians, Indians etc are any better, you're living in some sort of dreamland.

All men are the same the world over. Some are faithful... most are not.

paiseh I shouldn't have generalized. lemme re-phrase: "it makes me lose faith in the male population"

[Intrigued]

little girl . don't try to stir shit in a sewer . :D please don't generalize just because men do it on a more high profile way than women . Women now days are doing the same thing or worse than what men can do .

I was just asking a question? here's another: why do the guys here like to cite what other ladies do in comparison to their behavior? like no link to my question lor. I was asking if said guys who don't deem handjobs as an act of unfaithfulness would be okay with their wife/gf being fingered by another guy out of her own free will .. . I have yet to get a direct yes/no answer.

[Intrigued]

1st how u com to know about dis forum?
or y r u in dis forum ever ?
xmm should stay home & play jia jia jiu...

ahould u continue to plough tru dis forum, u will c the plight of singapore guys
which guys dun wan a decent girl...but sg girls nowaday r no longer decent leh...

I am decent. my girlfriends are decent. guys just need to look harder. in the right places. geylang, for obvious reasons, is not where one will find a decent girl.

oh and with regards to why i'm in this forum, I stumbled across it.

[Intrigued]

In as much as you think you will lose hope in sg guys. you might want to consider some guys are already lose hope in your girls. you might say you are not picky or whatever. and use not fated as some lame excuse.

definitely you've got some male attention if you're decent looking enough.

i personally haven't had attention from any girl. i don't have a sense of humour unless i'm with my long time friends. i don't open up that easily especially with girls. sometimes you girls have a golden mouth. maybe it's just a personal issue with girls on my part. but i'm certain there are bros out there like me.

i've never had a gf before. and i don't expect any girl to understand why i do what i do. my first is with a WL. i'm not a regular chiongster. but does it matter? sg girls are judgemental. most of them are anyway.

my family is conservative also what. i waited till 22 for the right one. never came and i gave up. we guys have emotions to man. just because we hide them doesn't mean we don't have them. if you're here to moralise just go away.

for me it's careers first girls second. with money sure got girls. don't give a damn about true love or what shit. don't give me the nonsense of fated or not. everything is a choice. yours and some other person's.


why you so defensive??

anyways, here's something I think you should read:
http://lifestyle.www.ns.sg/fit-life/get-her/hollyjean/quickie-never-settle-for-less
I quote holly: "Yes, all women want to be smarter, slimmer, prettier than your last girlfriend... but they also want to be in a league that's of a similar calibre... no woman would find pride in being your next girlfriend... if your previous one just months ago was a hooker from Geylang."

also, i'm not here to moralise. I am just intrigued. very much so.

[sammyboyfor]

paiseh I shouldn't have generalized. lemme re-phrase: "it makes me lose faith in the male population"

Yeah and I've lost faith in the female population too. I never realised there were so many girls out there who were willing to sell their vaginas to the highest bidder.:rolleyes:

[Intrigued]

You stated ur age etc, but u din say how tall n heavy are u. Hmm, so let me guess, either tall n big n meaty, or small but still meaty with alot extra? N ur virginity issue, I guess, was not by choice?

Clearly this may not be the rite website for u.

LOL. I did not state my height and weight because I did not see how they had any relation to the question I posed? I provided background information so as to allow you guys a better understanding of where I was coming from, which in turn would mean more relevant answers for me.

i'm 1.6m, 49kg, and 32A(if it matters, lol). I think i'm attractive, though one may argue that attractiveness is subjective - to which I agree. but just for the heck of it, I think i'm attractive and could definitely get laid if I wanted to.

[Intrigued]

Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person :rolleyes: ...... wahahaha


So just do the things, you feel like doing :)


Dont steal, dont rob, dont kill ........... tat's good enough :D

I was just curious so I voiced my curiosity, why does everyone keep thinking of me as a prude?? *frustrated

[Intrigued]

Sister you have to realize the participants on this board and their habits do not represent a microcosm of SG society. You will find the mentally perverse here along with some normal people. Just need to keeo in mind not every guy in SG sleeps with hookers constantly. Also some of the experiences documented here are works of fiction meant to stroke the posters own ego or to gain points. Can you believe it?

Ask not what SG society can do for you but what you can do for SG society.

understooded. thanks for your insight.

"Ask not what SG society can do for you but what you can do for SG society." - LOL??

[Juicer]

it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?


IMHO , it depends on the guy's interpretation of what is "unfaithfulness" . To a very few , even the mere thought of it is considered as well . so the level of extent depends case to case on the OPENNESS of the guy .For etc i know swingers that share their wives , allow them to go 1 on 1 with other men as long as they are informed .

I throw u back a question . A virgin girl by theory is to be untouched by thought and touch . so will you considered yourself a virgin if you give your bf a bj or hj or aj but not fucked in the virgina ?

[Intrigued]

Are you a christian by the way?
I can't believe I forgot to include that in my background information paiseh i'm not a christian i'm an agnostic

[Intrigued]

Having hope is good but do not place it in men

hahahaha gotta love your honesty

[Intrigued]

IMHO , it depends on the guy's interpretation of what is "unfaithfulness" . To a very few , even the mere thought of it is considered as well . so the level of extent depends case to case on the OPENNESS of the guy .

I throw u back a question . A virgin girl by theory is to be untouched by thought and touch . so will you considered yourself a virgin if you give your bf a bj or hj or aj but not fucked in the virgina ?

my definition of a virgin is someone who has never engaged in any form of sexual activity with another. by my definition, a lesbian who goes down on her partner or a heterosexual female who gives her bf a handjob are not considered virgins. this is why I included "in every sense of the word" in my background information.

if it matters at all, I do, however, watch porn and masturbate.

[Intrigued]

You ought to read the research of Dr Helen Fisher about human sexuality.

Few species of animals are truly monogamous. Monogamy is a cultural trait that evolved probably due to religion's anti-sex attitude.

Falling in love with one person is real, but it seldom lasts beyond five years.

As people live longer, healthier lives, the urge to stray becomes ever more common.

These are hard truths about life.

"As people live longer, healthier lives, the urge to stray becomes ever more common."
agreed. but there's where commitment comes in, no?

"Falling in love with one person is real, but it seldom lasts beyond five years."
I believe love is something that needs to be worked at. People so very often think love comes easy and that's where they go wrong.

then again, this is just what I think.

[Juicer]

my definition of a virgin is someone who has never engaged in any form of sexual activity with another. by my definition, a lesbian who goes down on her partner or a heterosexual female who gives her bf a handjob are not considered virgins. this is why I included "in every sense of the word" in my background information.

if it matters at all, I do, however, watch porn and masturbate.

BRAVO ! YOU had answered the question that you had thrown out to BROs here yourself ! Hmmmmmm. You are a very interesting girl . Well deserving of your nick ! I am INTRIGUED by you !

[Intrigued]

BRAVO ! YOU had answered the question that you had thrown out to BROs here yourself ! Hmmmmmm. You are a very interesting girl . Well deserving of your nick ! I am INTRIGUED by you !

huh?????????????

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

LOL. I did not state my height and weight because I did not see how they had any relation to the question I posed? I provided background information so as to allow you guys a better understanding of where I was coming from, which in turn would mean more relevant answers for me.

i'm 1.6m, 49kg, and 32A(if it matters, lol). I think i'm attractive, though one may argue that attractiveness is subjective - to which I agree. but just for the heck of it, I think i'm attractive and could definitely get laid if I wanted to.

Of cos, height and weight are related to the question.

1.6m tall and weighs 49 kg with a BMI of 19.1 is simply marvelous! Cos most women desirable values are about 20.5-21 tops:D:p

Yes, It would be very unfaithful to receive a HJ from any other higher BMI women :D

[Crius]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

Before I joined this forum as member, I surfed in here quite a lot and remembered a similar question to yours. A guy gave a very good and short answer that I remember till now. I went and dug out the post.


http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=4898022&postcount=8

I feel what he says is very true, even some scientists has went on record to say so. I think monogamy is achievable after marriage but I think it requires more from males than females cos of the way us guys are wired.

Just my humble opinion.

[EcceHomo]

Is it me or is it simply easier for any troll to enjoy an extended career around here by simply pretending to be a horny and curious young damsel or something similar? Maybe "she" might just post some pixxx next. Would that mean "she" would be less of a virgin? Hmph... About as "intriguing" as watching the paint dry. Really.

[javcock]

I was just asking a question? here's another: why do the guys here like to cite what other ladies do in comparison to their behavior? like no link to my question lor. I was asking if said guys who don't deem handjobs as an act of unfaithfulness would be okay with their wife/gf being fingered by another guy out of her own free will .. . I have yet to get a direct yes/no answer.

Answer is NO.

[Beachsea]

Vice Versa. in return, we can look at why so many of our samster here have flings whom are already married or attached. It applies both way round.

Basic instinct, a fine line in between. to do or not to do.

Its just a matter of each individual. just be glad that there is no official website for SAMMYGAL forum YET.

** anything out of the marrige or r/s, its already unfaithfulness. Not much to say about.

Just my plain view, not meant to go against anyone idea or whatsoever.

:)

[see see only]

I was just curious so I voiced my curiosity, why does everyone keep thinking of me as a prude?? *frustrated

Hi TS,

Since you reply the above to my post, i have to believe that you suspected me regarding you as excessively decent or not open minded at all :eek:

I guess you got me wrong or maybe you read too many negative comments before you read my post .... :rolleyes:

Nevertheless me simply suggested that it is our life and we live as the way we desire ... not what others suggested that we should ... that's all ... nothing to be really curious abt right? :)

Hope tat's clear your curiosity a little (maybe you may want to read your first post again) ;)

[Crux]

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=4898022&postcount=8



Maybe I am biased cos I am a dude, but I do think it makes sense that our wiring is different. Just a thought.

[paul55ho]

i'm 1.6m, 49kg, and 32A(if it matters, lol). I think i'm attractive, though one may argue that attractiveness is subjective - to which I agree. but just for the heck of it, I think i'm attractive and could definitely get laid if I wanted to.

Any girl can spread em leg wide and get laid...BUT...how good are you going to be, and how much pleasure will you be able to give to ur man in future? lol

With all due respect, 49kg shld have at least a B cup la. If A cup with large dark brown nipples... half of the men that would have wanna lay u, have suddenly disappeared... Th eother half that will still lay you would still do you cos ur free screw...

[HCKing]

my definition of a virgin is someone who has never engaged in any form of sexual activity with another. by my definition, a lesbian who goes down on her partner or a heterosexual female who gives her bf a handjob are not considered virgins. this is why I included "in every sense of the word" in my background information.

if it matters at all, I do, however, watch porn and masturbate.

masturbate( here we call it PCC ) and kana fingered by guy very different feeling ya knw.:D

[Intrigued]

Before I joined this forum as member, I surfed in here quite a lot and remembered a similar question to yours. A guy gave a very good and short answer that I remember till now. I went and dug out the post.


http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpost.php?p=4898022&postcount=8

I feel what he says is very true, even some scientists has went on record to say so. I think monogamy is achievable after marriage but I think it requires more from males than females cos of the way us guys are wired.

Just my humble opinion.

very interesting. thanks for sharing.

[Intrigued]

Hi TS,

Since you reply the above to my post, i have to believe that you suspected me regarding you as excessively decent or not open minded at all :eek:

I guess you got me wrong or maybe you read too many negative comments before you read my post .... :rolleyes:

Nevertheless me simply suggested that it is our life and we live as the way we desire ... not what others suggested that we should ... that's all ... nothing to be really curious abt right? :)

Hope tat's clear your curiosity a little (maybe you may want to read your first post again) ;)

I quote you: "Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person "

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person :rolleyes: ...... wahahaha


So just do the things, you feel like doing


Dont steal, dont rob, dont kill ........... tat's good enough

Hi TS,

Since you reply the above to my post, i have to believe that you suspected me regarding you as excessively decent or not open minded at all :eek:

I guess you got me wrong or maybe you read too many negative comments before you read my post ....

Nevertheless me simply suggested that it is our life and we live as the way we desire ... not what others suggested that we should ... that's all ... nothing to be really curious abt right?

Hope tat's clear your curiosity a little (maybe you may want to read your first post again)

I quote you: "Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person "

Brother TS, why are you so defensive? :rolleyes:

[Intrigued]

Any girl can spread em leg wide and get laid...BUT...how good are you going to be, and how much pleasure will you be able to give to ur man in future? lol

With all due respect, 49kg shld have at least a B cup la. If A cup with large dark brown nipples... half of the men that would have wanna lay u, have suddenly disappeared... Th eother half that will still lay you would still do you cos ur free screw...

LOL @ your "with all due respect"

[superbeat]

my thoughts

we SG guys likes to have sex,
with different girls even if we are attached
in life we faced many setbacks,
a good pussy will keep us going & on track. :D

[see see only]

I quote you: "Others like to talk down others, thinking that make themselves a better person "

Hey TS ... you missed out the last part :p :

":rolleyes: ...... wahahaha"


Brother TS, why are you so defensive?

Hey bro Ichigo_Kurosaki, thanks for requoting the whole post for me .... :) guess TS will not get the meaning .... for years to come :D

[Rickey]

Having hope is good but do not place it in men

Lol..tis true...so too is the other way round...in other words dun place too much hope on anyone but yrself i.e. be self dependent, self reliant...tis a fact of life tats happening all the time...just tat many of us are oblivious to it at the point in time...when u finally 'wake up', u may find yrself deeply disappointed & it may then be too late for regrets...

[Sam The Caterer]

Afetr so many postings and different points of view, TS, have bros here enlighten you in any way?

[Intrigued]

Afetr so many postings and different points of view, TS, have bros here enlighten you in any way?

yeap. mods can close this thread already tenkiu

[goodpartner]

what does my losing confidence in men have to do with my values? I don't live for men y'know.

Whatever. Basically, the knowledge of this sad reality will hunt you forever now.

Your loosing confidence in men is but just the start of a transformation... The dark side welcomes you...

Btw, those PM you get in whatever shape or form, are just attempts to get you laid, going by a long shot.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Hey bro Ichigo_Kurosaki, thanks for requoting the whole post for me .... :) guess TS will not get the meaning .... for years to come :D

Bro SSO, No problem.

Let her be la. No need to waste time with such dreamland SG social rejected chick. :D

What rubbish! Losing confident in SG guys and bla..bla...and kenna criticism straight away request mod to close thread.

Eventually, such type thinking that SH guys are weaker link and the dick is better the other side, will be bonk by Ang Moh and come back SG as a single mum. It's a blessing for us SG guys cos such woman is champion of woman charter!

Anyway, whatever it is, this is a sex forum about sex, we entertained this thread cos she said she never kenna lick by a guy!!!

Where got saints and nuns here? :p

I just gave her a farewell present of -2.

[Daylor]

She's only 20, still a virgin and yet to be in a relationship, lots of things still very theoritical for her, maybe even idealistic. She's a female, thinks differently from us dudes here - a sample representation of the local male population. Just a sample representation, not a full and total view.

TS, theory, reasoning and logic can only gets you so far in life. Experience is what really tells you most of the whys. Then again, I've made heaps of mistakes in relationships that I do not know why I did them. Hate to quote from cliche but here it is :

" There is no right and wrong in love "

From what you have posted and the answers you are seeking, maybe a thread title of : " Is is harder for male than female to remain faithful ? " would have been more to the answers you are looking for.

[dustzee]

:D

Anyway, my opinion is that you don't have to lose hope in men. I do know of good guys who will never visit a brothel or even flirt with someone in the club. I'm not even sure if they like sex at all.

It may be unfair for me to say this, but good guys (of husband material) are usually more boring on the surface. If that isn't an issue then that's good. These guys are always overlooked.

But if you looking for someone charming, fun, witty, talented + faithful + ... blah blah, they exist too! But they're usually attached.

[dustzee]

Anyway, I just saw the questions and thought I should answer directly

My opinion:

Handjob/fingering for anyone attached is considered cheating. Some people cheat and some don't.

Is it a norm? I don't think so. I know people who don't cheat. But I do not know the statistics.

[TickTock]

TS, you have much to learn, young jedi...but i wonder how u stumbled onto this forum with ur most naive thinking? Hmmm......

[Komuso]

hi y'all
just some background information: I am a female, aged 20, and a virgin(in every sense of the word). I have never been in a relationship before. I was brought up in a conservative family setting, but I deem myself to be quite an open person.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

TS, not sure if you're still monitoring this post, but since you're young and still have things to learn, I hope you'll consider my two cents' worth, as an open-minded individual. While some of the replies you have received here seem daft, they all do point in a certain direction and I hope you don't come away disregarding them in an opinionated way.

So your two points are (correct me if I'm wrong):

(i) Receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and men who deny it are simply wrong. This is because when a woman gets fingered, any male partner would be equally upset.

(ii) Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship is wrong, and the fact that many men in Singapore are doing it is very disturbing.

With regards to (i), it is not as easy to define faithfulness as one might want to believe. As the nature of a handjob is almost always transactional, can that really be compared to the feelings a man has for his partner? Many FBs on this forum have commented on how their partners are too transactional when it comes to sex, and this is because these partners are either strongly attached to someone else in a real relationship, or else there is a fear of commitment for some other very strong reason. There is a vast difference between a girlfriend/spouse and a prostitute or FB. You can of course argue that both the physical and emotional are part of faithfulness, and are non-negotiable; I will address that in my answer to (ii). Secondly, the fact that many Singaporean men are doing this will seem disturbing on the surface, but then again, doesn't that fact suggest something else? Someone replied that men all around the world are doing it; this is not to say that it makes it morally correct, but it does seem that the motivation behing it is very compelling at least. The assertion that men are simply horny bastards in response to this also does not address the issue - if so, one woman would always be enough. Why must there be more than one woman? That question has to be asked, and I will also talk about it hereafter.

Moving on to (ii), I think it would be wise to clarify first that casual sex while in an existing relationship is not done because it is a norm, and also, it is highly unlikely that men desire that it be a norm in any case. While it may ease a guilty conscience very slightly that a friend is also engaging in casual sex in the same manner, it is certainly not the force that drives men to engage in it. In essence, the idea of being "faithful" is a very troubling paradox, if you consider it carefully. The idea of discpline and sticking to something which cannot stand on its own is built into the word by default. In a theoretical world of perfect partners and relationships, there would be no need for faithfulness. This can only mean deductively that relationships and partners are by and large unavoidably flawed.

A cursory study of history and philosophy shows that human beings have always pursued perfection, often to disastrous extents (see Hitler, Pol Pot etc). The same is true for relationships. The real question then, is how we define perfection and how close we can come to it before being reasonably satisfied. For a man who is not satisfied, one woman will never be enough, but the same is true for a woman, according to a certain definition of perfection. It would seem that this definition is rather widespread given the degree of casual sex outside relationships which occurs in this city and the rest of the world. There are however, people who have been so happy with their partners that they remain happily married without even a tinge of disturbance for all of their lives.

In sum, the disturbing facts which you observe regarding unfaithfulness are not simply standalone problems period, but surfacial signs of a more fundamental issue. There are really that many people in the world who are struggling to find a relationship that fits their ideal, however misguided it may be, and if attempts to realise this fail along the way, what can people expected to do other than find some stop-gap measures to relieve the dissatisfaction? The desire is only so strong because having such relationships are a huge part of the human need to be happy, and we will do whatever we need to get as close to it as we can... as we have always done.

Hope you don't find all the words too troublesome to swallow, but in such sensitive issues I thought it prudent to be as clear as possible :)

[Lesp]

Intriguing reading..

I think the response that males are wired differently is basically the root cause. Males are evolved to spread their seeds far and wide. By Darwin's Theory, the super male wins the most. Men (and women) are basically controlled because of society taboo, and by the law.

Most of the activities in this forum are with paid transactions, which is generally legal. Because males are equipped to be horny bastards, whenever these transactions become affordable, the temptation is exercised.

The difference between paid ones is that 'in theory' they do not carry an emotional baggage, other than those sucked in by the make believe portrayed by the service provider to win return business.

The problem with your analogy, fingering or otherwise, is that males can engage in these purely on a transactional basis and 'forget' (ie not committed, of course they still think about it) about it thereafter, whereas it probably can't be said to be the same for females, in general. Don't think a shop can survive offering finger jobs to females for a payment.

The ones you need to be really weary of are those that have ventured elsewhere with a more significant commitment, emotionally and financially, that may lead to a breakup of the current relationship.

Coming back to answer your question on whether your case example is an act of unfaithfulness, it would depend on what your perception of unfaithfulness is, as it covers a wide ground. The definition itself, apart from the obvious, can have a long sliding scale. In my books, any act intended only for your partner, but exercised elsewhere which would constitute hurt to the committed partner would be deemed unfaithful. But it's a broad scale, some you can live with, some cannot.

Your second question on norm - don't have statistics, but seeing the number of these outlets on a per capita basis, quite prevalent.

Hence losing hope?

A. For ideal male with no stray whatsoever, good looking, etc. Hard to get in any society (see first paragraph) By the time they reach their teens, they'll be getting all sorts of temptations already from the opposite sex.

B. For normal guy who never do Geylang, KTV, HC, etc, probably relatively low percentage based on prevalence of these places. However, what it also means is that the temptation is open to all males residing in SQ, not just SG guys.

C. For those likely to stay within a committed relationship as in a marriage.
An indicative answer is perhaps to take a fraction off the divorce rate, as not all the failures are due to extra-marital activities. I don't know the figures, but I would expect divorce rates here would be much less than Western societies, and the latter would also have a much higher cause due to adulterous affairs.

So in summary, maybe not all that bad or different, so don't lose hope so quickly.

[The Deprive]

Came across this intersting post, read through all the posts. Now let me attempt to answer some of the questions and abit of my limited insight.

so anyways, i'm very intrigued by the "bros" who frequent this forum .. ... it seems a large majority of you think that receiving a handjob is not deemed as an act of unfaithfulness. if so, would it be okay with you guys if you were to learn that your wife/gf got fingered by another guy out of her own free will?.

As mentioned by alot of the guys here, man and woman are wired differently, therefore man do have a diff set of standards in regards to unfaithfulness for man and woman. Call it MCP or ego, but that how i percieved. Firstly, male can have sex without being emotional attached. To answer your question more directly, to me, getting a handjob via a finanical transaction is not deem as an act of unfaithfulness.

BUT woman, need to be emotional attached to have sex. So getting fingered on her own will is considered unfaithful. Sorry for the double standard. :D

also, could anyone enlighten me if all these fuck buddy arrangements/visits to Geylang prostitutes whilst being attached are the norm amongst guys? I don't personally know anyone like that in real life so it bothers me that there are so many guys doing these?? makes me lose hope in sg guys.

Errmm, from wat i can see within my circle of fren, visiting prostitues is not as common as u deem ba, about roughly 30% ba and the percentage is even lower for attached guy. U cannot generalise the male population from just this forum. Secondly, alot of guys here have been trying to tell u to get used to the reality...which is truth. just try to accpet the fact tat man is diff from woman, and many already mentioned here that if u open ur eyes wide enf, alot of female is also engaging in ECA. So it is not only the guys that is doing all the dirty business.

[arsenal_84]

I wouldn't rule out the possibility but it would be difficult. his cynicism is his downfall.

same can be said for your case.
if you believe in that your partner can cheat and think you too can do the same...then you have learnt nothing from the cases here.
all too often most women lost their mind when they turn to the dark side, how would you know that you wont make the all too common mistake ?

[Intrigued]

TS, not sure if you're still monitoring this post, but since you're young and still have things to learn, I hope you'll consider my two cents' worth, as an open-minded individual. While some of the replies you have received here seem daft, they all do point in a certain direction and I hope you don't come away disregarding them in an opinionated way.

So your two points are (correct me if I'm wrong):

(i) Receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and men who deny it are simply wrong. This is because when a woman gets fingered, any male partner would be equally upset.

(ii) Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship is wrong, and the fact that many men in Singapore are doing it is very disturbing.

With regards to (i), it is not as easy to define faithfulness as one might want to believe. As the nature of a handjob is almost always transactional, can that really be compared to the feelings a man has for his partner? Many FBs on this forum have commented on how their partners are too transactional when it comes to sex, and this is because these partners are either strongly attached to someone else in a real relationship, or else there is a fear of commitment for some other very strong reason. There is a vast difference between a girlfriend/spouse and a prostitute or FB. You can of course argue that both the physical and emotional are part of faithfulness, and are non-negotiable; I will address that in my answer to (ii). Secondly, the fact that many Singaporean men are doing this will seem disturbing on the surface, but then again, doesn't that fact suggest something else? Someone replied that men all around the world are doing it; this is not to say that it makes it morally correct, but it does seem that the motivation behing it is very compelling at least. The assertion that men are simply horny bastards in response to this also does not address the issue - if so, one woman would always be enough. Why must there be more than one woman? That question has to be asked, and I will also talk about it hereafter.

Moving on to (ii), I think it would be wise to clarify first that casual sex while in an existing relationship is not done because it is a norm, and also, it is highly unlikely that men desire that it be a norm in any case. While it may ease a guilty conscience very slightly that a friend is also engaging in casual sex in the same manner, it is certainly not the force that drives men to engage in it. In essence, the idea of being "faithful" is a very troubling paradox, if you consider it carefully. The idea of discpline and sticking to something which cannot stand on its own is built into the word by default. In a theoretical world of perfect partners and relationships, there would be no need for faithfulness. This can only mean deductively that relationships and partners are by and large unavoidably flawed.

A cursory study of history and philosophy shows that human beings have always pursued perfection, often to disastrous extents (see Hitler, Pol Pot etc). The same is true for relationships. The real question then, is how we define perfection and how close we can come to it before being reasonably satisfied. For a man who is not satisfied, one woman will never be enough, but the same is true for a woman, according to a certain definition of perfection. It would seem that this definition is rather widespread given the degree of casual sex outside relationships which occurs in this city and the rest of the world. There are however, people who have been so happy with their partners that they remain happily married without even a tinge of disturbance for all of their lives.

In sum, the disturbing facts which you observe regarding unfaithfulness are not simply standalone problems period, but surfacial signs of a more fundamental issue. There are really that many people in the world who are struggling to find a relationship that fits their ideal, however misguided it may be, and if attempts to realise this fail along the way, what can people expected to do other than find some stop-gap measures to relieve the dissatisfaction? The desire is only so strong because having such relationships are a huge part of the human need to be happy, and we will do whatever we need to get as close to it as we can... as we have always done.

Hope you don't find all the words too troublesome to swallow, but in such sensitive issues I thought it prudent to be as clear as possible :)

for starters I appreciate the lengthy reply which you almost surely must have taken considerable time and reasonable effort to pen :)

Receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and men who deny it are simply wrong. This is because when a woman gets fingered, any male partner would be equally upset.
whilst I do deem receiving a handjob whilst being attached an act of unfaithfulness, my intention was not to force upon others what is right or wrong. my motivation for starting this thread was borne of a sincere curiosity to understand the male psyche; specifically why males don't think receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and if said males would be equally unperturbed if they were to learn of their SOs being fingered by another guy.

Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship is wrong, and the fact that many men in Singapore are doing it is very disturbing.
Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship behind your partner's back is wrong. I do agree with the latter about it being very disturbing that so many men are doing it though.

I don't presume to fully understand your explanation/argument but i'm curious: how old are you?

[Intrigued]

same can be said for your case.
if you believe in that your partner can cheat and think you too can do the same...then you have learnt nothing from the cases here.
all too often most women lost their mind when they turn to the dark side, how would you know that you wont make the all too common mistake ?

I don't know truth be told .. . . i'm still young like many of the brothers here have taken upon themselves to point out and i'm still sorting myself out and deciding what I believe in and how realistic my beliefs are in this time and age. When the time comes at least i'll know I did my part in trying to gain information that will help me make the best decision possible .. . . . I guess.

[Intrigued]

As mentioned by alot of the guys here, man and woman are wired differently, therefore man do have a diff set of standards in regards to unfaithfulness for man and woman. Call it MCP or ego, but that how i percieved. Firstly, male can have sex without being emotional attached. To answer your question more directly, to me, getting a handjob via a finanical transaction is not deem as an act of unfaithfulness.

BUT woman, need to be emotional attached to have sex. So getting fingered on her own will is considered unfaithful. Sorry for the double standard.

finally somebody who understands the question and answers accordingly *grasps hands in mock prayer* boo to the double standard but I get where you're coming from . .. . thanks for the insight :)

Errmm, from wat i can see within my circle of fren, visiting prostitues is not as common as u deem ba, about roughly 30% ba and the percentage is even lower for attached guy. U cannot generalise the male population from just this forum. Secondly, alot of guys here have been trying to tell u to get used to the reality...which is truth. just try to accpet the fact tat man is diff from woman, and many already mentioned here that if u open ur eyes wide enf, alot of female is also engaging in ECA. So it is not only the guys that is doing all the dirty business.

Would you by any chance mind divulging how old you are?

[Intrigued]

Intriguing reading..

I think the response that males are wired differently is basically the root cause. Males are evolved to spread their seeds far and wide. By Darwin's Theory, the super male wins the most. Men (and women) are basically controlled because of society taboo, and by the law.

Most of the activities in this forum are with paid transactions, which is generally legal. Because males are equipped to be horny bastards, whenever these transactions become affordable, the temptation is exercised.

The difference between paid ones is that 'in theory' they do not carry an emotional baggage, other than those sucked in by the make believe portrayed by the service provider to win return business.

The problem with your analogy, fingering or otherwise, is that males can engage in these purely on a transactional basis and 'forget' (ie not committed, of course they still think about it) about it thereafter, whereas it probably can't be said to be the same for females, in general. Don't think a shop can survive offering finger jobs to females for a payment.

The ones you need to be really weary of are those that have ventured elsewhere with a more significant commitment, emotionally and financially, that may lead to a breakup of the current relationship.

Coming back to answer your question on whether your case example is an act of unfaithfulness, it would depend on what your perception of unfaithfulness is, as it covers a wide ground. The definition itself, apart from the obvious, can have a long sliding scale. In my books, any act intended only for your partner, but exercised elsewhere which would constitute hurt to the committed partner would be deemed unfaithful. But it's a broad scale, some you can live with, some cannot.

Your second question on norm - don't have statistics, but seeing the number of these outlets on a per capita basis, quite prevalent.

Hence losing hope?

A. For ideal male with no stray whatsoever, good looking, etc. Hard to get in any society (see first paragraph) By the time they reach their teens, they'll be getting all sorts of temptations already from the opposite sex.

B. For normal guy who never do Geylang, KTV, HC, etc, probably relatively low percentage based on prevalence of these places. However, what it also means is that the temptation is open to all males residing in SQ, not just SG guys.

C. For those likely to stay within a committed relationship as in a marriage.
An indicative answer is perhaps to take a fraction off the divorce rate, as not all the failures are due to extra-marital activities. I don't know the figures, but I would expect divorce rates here would be much less than Western societies, and the latter would also have a much higher cause due to adulterous affairs.

So in summary, maybe not all that bad or different, so don't lose hope so quickly.


"Coming back to answer your question on whether your case example is an act of unfaithfulness, it would depend on what your perception of unfaithfulness is, as it covers a wide ground. The definition itself, apart from the obvious, can have a long sliding scale. In my books, any act intended only for your partner, but exercised elsewhere which would constitute hurt to the committed partner would be deemed unfaithful. But it's a broad scale, some you can live with, some cannot."
*liked*

I have to say I agree with most of what you're saying so there's nothing much I have to say in response but I definitely appreciate that you devoted thought to the topic and responded nicely(lame I know but for lack of a better word).

[dustzee]

Would you by any chance mind divulging how old you are?

Are you asking cos he mentioned ECA? :D

[arsenal_84]

I don't know truth be told .. . . i'm still young like many of the brothers here have taken upon themselves to point out and i'm still sorting myself out and deciding what I believe in and how realistic my beliefs are in this time and age. When the time comes at least i'll know I did my part in trying to gain information that will help me make the best decision possible .. . . . I guess.

even if you have the best possible information from here, it will not prevent you from picking out a lemon.
sometimes the more you try to avoid some undesirable traits in a partner, the more likely you might end up with one.

change is a constant in life, is going to be hard to dictate to as what life may have in line for you.

[Komuso]

I don't know truth be told .. . . i'm still young like many of the brothers here have taken upon themselves to point out and i'm still sorting myself out and deciding what I believe in and how realistic my beliefs are in this time and age. When the time comes at least i'll know I did my part in trying to gain information that will help me make the best decision possible .. . . . I guess.

for starters I appreciate the lengthy reply which you almost surely must have taken considerable time and reasonable effort to pen :)

Receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and men who deny it are simply wrong. This is because when a woman gets fingered, any male partner would be equally upset.
whilst I do deem receiving a handjob whilst being attached an act of unfaithfulness, my intention was not to force upon others what is right or wrong. my motivation for starting this thread was borne of a sincere curiosity to understand the male psyche; specifically why males don't think receiving a handjob is an act of unfaithfulness and if said males would be equally unperturbed if they were to learn of their SOs being fingered by another guy.

Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship is wrong, and the fact that many men in Singapore are doing it is very disturbing.
Casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship behind your partner's back is wrong. I do agree with the latter about it being very disturbing that so many men are doing it though.

I don't presume to fully understand your explanation/argument but i'm curious: how old are you?


Dear TS,

I am pleased to learn that you made an effort to read through the mass of words I penned; I was of the impression you had abandoned the thread permanently. As for my age, I'm sure you would understand that it would be neither appropriate nor prudent to state it explicitly here; suffice it to say that I've been a working adult for several years now.

I apologise if my previous explanation was unclear by virtue of its length or wordiness; allow me to try my best to summarise it here, while incorporating your most recent responses. Let's try to combine the two statements into a single position for efficiency:


*A male receiving handjobs and/or having casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship are considered acts of unfaithfulness. This is because when a female engages in the same, any male partner would be equally upset. The fact that many males are engaging in such acts is disturbing* (emphasis mine)


1. The word "because" implies causation. You would want to retract it because I believe your meaning of unfaithfulness here is not defined merely by the fact that men would be equally angry, but rather because it is wrong simply (i.e. it is unjust).

2. Anger at something is not a valid basis for it being wrong. For example, I may hate the fact that you wear red-coloured clothes, but that is a matter of my preference, rather than justice.

3. That being said, the question then becomes what defines faithfulness - which is not so easily answered.

4. You are a reasonable enough a person not to want to force your moral codes on others. However, your categorisation of this act being wrong is still a universal (see para 1), rather than a merely preferential (i.e. personal opinion) claim. In logical terms therefore, you cannot avoid stating implicitly that everyone who disagrees with you is wrong.

5. Hard as it may be to swallow, I would like to suggest that the anger and jealousy one feels when a partner engages in a sex act with someone else is a logically separate issue from the concept of unfaithfulness. Most people instinctively feel that their anger at a cheating partner is justified because the act is recognised as universally wrong. However there is really no logical connection between the two where the definition of unfaithfulness has not been agreed upon (see para 1 to 3).

6. Even if we were to ultimately conclude that getting this handjob is not an act of unfaithfulness, there would not be any considerable change to the anger felt. This deductively suggests that the said anger stems more from the idea of private property, rather than anything else. It is common for people whose partners have cheated on them to describe the sensation as having something 'stolen' from them.

7. Given that men seldom consult other parties for approval before proceeding to engage in such acts, the fact that a large proportion of men are engaging in it can only be conceived as a coincidence on a large scale. It is highly probable that there are some compelling reasons for such a large-scale coincidence. These reasons must be examined carefully before any conclusions are made.

8. Lastly compare the following two statements and consider the difference in emotional impact:

(i) "He's a bad man. He had sex with someone else. He was unfaithful to me!"

(ii) "He's a bad man. He allowed someone else the right to have sex with him. Only I have the right to have sex with him!"

A subtle, but yet significant difference.

My apologies again if this has been execessively long. Complicated problems pertaining to the human condition can't be resolved in just a few sentences... and it is precisely when we try to make that happen by force, that tragedy occurs. It's probably good that you have expressed uncertainty in your beliefs and are willing to re-examine them in order to come to a more realistic, not to mention reasonable, position.

[orchideous]

Hey.

I've felt the exact same way regarding men. I do have outside friends who've been with FLs and I've friends who have cheated.

Anyway the whole debate about cheating, yes it's wrong, yes the women usually don't find out, yes it happens more often than we think. I'm sure your friends are decent but don't forget that you'll never know. There's no single kind of guy who visits prostitutes, ALL kinds of guys do. From the handsome to the model-gorgeous guys, to the ordinary average guys or older men, a lot of them are around here..

My take on it is that I should at least be a good lover in future so my husband won't have any complaints such as those brought up in various threads, "wife is lazy, wife doesn't do xxx etc". Yet that in itself isn't any guarantee since lots of married men also happily announce that "my wife is awesome but I still need to try different dishes every day".

Ultimately if someone wants to cheat, he can go at any time and you'd never find out, short of tailing him 24/7(and he could still be unfaithful at work anyway). No point in inflicting any stern rules or caging him or expecting him to be home at a certain time, or getting all up in arms about the friends he has. Don't bother being paranoid, insecurity is unattractive and suffocating.

I don't think there's any actual resolution to this. There are faithful and unfaithful guys, and Komuso brought up an intriguing point about faithfulness being paradoxical. People change too. Someone you thought was absolutely decent and in love with you, after ten years.. we'll never know. I guess for me I'm going to be very careful about who I choose in future? No guarantees though, and of course I wouldn't be unfaithful on my part.

[Reoxy]

TS, not sure if you're still monitoring this post, but since you're young and still have things to learn, I hope you'll consider my two cents' worth, as an open-minded individual. While some of the replies you have received here seem daft, they all do point in a certain direction and I hope you don't come away disregarding them in an opinionated way.

:)

Are you a lawyer?

Intriguing reading..

I think the response that males are wired differently is basically the root cause. Males are evolved to spread their seeds far and wide. By Darwin's Theory, the super male wins the most. Men (and women) are basically controlled because of society taboo, and by the law.
.

Are you a Lawyer too?

*A male receiving handjobs and/or having casual sex with other persons while in an existing relationship are considered acts of unfaithfulness. This is because when a female engages in the same, any male partner would be equally upset. The fact that many males are engaging in such acts is disturbing* (emphasis mine)


1. The word "because" implies causation. You would want to retract it because I believe your meaning of unfaithfulness here is not defined merely by the fact that men would be equally angry, but rather because it is wrong simply (i.e. it is unjust).
.

I am quite sure you are a lawyer.

Hey.

My take on it is that I should at least be a good lover in future so my husband won't have any complaints such as those brought up in various threads, "wife is lazy, wife doesn't do xxx etc". Yet that in itself isn't any guarantee since lots of married men also happily announce that "my wife is awesome but I still need to try different dishes every day".

? No guarantees though, and of course I wouldn't be unfaithful on my part.

You have been enlightened.

[Komuso]

Are you a lawyer?

I am quite sure you are a lawyer.



Haha bro I'm no lawyer, I can tell you that... I did apply years back though... and promptly got rejected :p