Why am I not as good as her...?

[cinnamonmelts]

I've been feeling very upset recently... Just wanna seek opinions of you guys, then perhaps I can better understand what's really going on in his mind... I'm in a very controversial situation, but I hope you guys don't scold me...

Ok, here it goes...

I'm involved with an attached guy. He's been with his gf for about 3-4 years? And my r/s with him started about 8 months ago...

I'm not sure if I want to bore you guys with the details now... The issue that is upsetting me a lot is... despite him still being with me, I can see that his gf is the one whom he wishes to marry ultimately. Initially, when I wanted a breakup, he still held me back. And I stayed on. However, after that, at a certain point in time, it felt so painful that I requested for a breakup again. That time, he didn't hold me back at all. He said stuff like, "I am happy with you, but I can't promise you anything. I also want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you in pain all the time. So I hope you can find a guy who truly gives you happiness." To me, that means he's choosing his gf over me. I can understand why, but somehow... I feel bitter about it as well... He can just let go of me THAT easily, after all we've been through. Why, after all that I've done for him, he still feels I'm not good enough? :( (Okok, I know he most probably has been through even more with his gf, since they've been together for so much longer... but... haiz...)

After some time, I've come to terms with it, that I'll never be the one he chooses to spend the rest of his life with. However, I know deep in my heart I'm still holding onto some hope... that one day he will change his mind... Haiz... It's really painful, but I find it so hard to let go... I really love him a lot, and would give so much for him, that's why I'm still holding on to this r/s... Times spent with him are really happy.

I know some of the guys here have been in such situations before... is it true that you will choose your gf over the "new lover" no matter what? Sighs... I've given a lot in this r/s, but it seems like I'm still not as good as her... I've been trying so hard... :(

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

[Nolan]

They have a 3-4 yrs relationship, that gives them a foundation that is stronger than your 8 to 9 months. There's a difference to being unfaithful and being heartless. He may have been unfaithful, but he is not going to be heartless towards her esp in this case where it appears he is not having problems with their relationship.

I once strayed and was made to make a choice. I chose my gf over the new girl, cos my then gf did nothing wrong, and I strayed more out of need of variety than unhappinese towards her.

He may change his mind later on, but that is probably many years down the road, if he does change his mind at all. Give the both of you time apart and evaluate each other, he can't miss you if you are always there. But neither can you see others if he is always in your mind.

Take care.

[purpleraindrop]

Dear Cinnamonmelts,

Thank you for sharing this story. It must have been tormenting for you, being stuck in a bittersweet relationship. But I hope you have come to terms with it so that you can move on with your life. This guy is not worthy of your love, at all. And it always amazes me how a guy can be capable of being so generous in sharing their love with different women.

I don't know about the dynamics of your relationship with him or the time spent with him so I cant judge, but for me, I will not accept him even if he changes his mind. Why shortchange yourself?

He has made his point, and what I can say is - move on. Time will heal, everything : )

This is the opinion coming from a female counterpart. I wish you all the best : )

[sammyboyfor]

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

The guys is nothing more than a low down two timing loser. The sooner you get rid of him the better.

Even if he did choose you, it would simply be a matter of time before history repeated itself with you as the "girlfriend" and some other girl taking over the role you now find yourself in.

Get a life.:rolleyes:

[shyboy252001]

Hi TS,

sorry to be blunt. but dont you ever consider the possibility that he was NEVER serious into you to begin with? think about it. =)

[colins]

Even if his current gf leaves him, or disappears for whatever reason, he still won't have you as the most desirable to spend his life with. You got to face it that you are never meant to replace his gf. Ask yourself, at the start of the relationship, you knew he had a gf, did you have any intention to replace her? Whether you just want to have fun or to avoid loneliness, you have fulfilled your short-term needs. Now you want long-term i.e. the relationship, you changed your side of the bargain what.

Coming back to the first question, if replacing his gf is something not meant to happen, then how does it benefit you to ask if you are good enough?

He is a guy who can two-time his gf. What he said in his breakup speech indicates that he can be quite logical about his decision. I'm sorry, but it seems that you are only his FB.

[sun814]

come on guys, at least the guy let her knows that he has a gf. if the TS still chooses to get involved, who can we blame?

[heroseven2003]

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

Dont waste your time ......... men are all the same, I know cos I am one.

[RealEstateGuy]

YOU chose to see a guy already in a relationship. What makes you (and him) think you won't do it again even if you were with him. You showed your true colors. A man would not want a wife like that even though he is also responsible for this affair. Next time dont put yourself in a position where you are viewed as a relationship wrecker.

[dirtyhairy]

The guys is nothing more than a low down two timing loser. The sooner you get rid of him the better. Even if he did choose you, it would simply be a matter of time before history repeated itself with you as the "girlfriend" and some other girl taking over the role you now find yourself in.:rolleyes:

Yo BOSS Mr Ah Sammy,
For the 1st time me Uncle DirtyHairy
agrees with you totally!:rolleyes:
TS should just move out, and move on
or risk being that slimer's sex pawn:eek:

[Zoick]

Think positive, at least he never lie to you that he already attached.

In r/s, thing not always work toward what you desire it to be. I know how you feel now. Even people keep asking you to move on, but you seriously can't.

Especially night time when everything quiet down, your memory and thinking will start free flowing and that the time hurt the most. What i would suggest to get yourself whiskey on the rock a cup or two, depends on how much you could take, to knock you off for a good sleep. Don't try beer, it will take too long to knock you off, at the end, you even feel more sorrow. But again, this only short term solution to help you get through this period.

stay strong, you are not alone.

[alan0338]

However, after that, at a certain point in time, it felt so painful that I requested for a breakup again. That time, he didn't hold me back at all. He said stuff like, "I am happy with you, but I can't promise you anything. I also want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you in pain all the time. So I hope you can find a guy who truly gives you happiness."

Sis, let him go, dun look back, find another guy who wont say the same words again .... :)

[SpankMeEasy]

You can't get out of this r/s because you asked yourself the wrong question. Look at your post title, "Why am I not as good as her...?"

Why do people keep thinking that r/s is a competition? So you think that you've invested so much, you need to get it back. I know a thing or two about investing/trading shares (and r/s).

When I bought the wrong shares/stocks and the prices of the shares keep going down. Instead of just either sell it as a loss or accept that I bought the wrong shares at the wrong time, I find myself HOPING, and CONVINCING myself that I'm not buying the wrong shares at the wrong time. I read every little news about the company as being positive. Every time, the share price rises a little, I get excited, seeing it as a glimmer of hope. Ultimately I know I'm just fooling myself.

Well, this is just part of the process in dealing with loss, not just r/s with another human, but with shares, and with many other things. It's difficult to accept that we made a mistake after invested so much, and we clung onto it with FALSE hope. The sooner you realise this, the sooner you can get over it.

I think psychologist outline 5 stages of grief/dealing with loss:

Denial --> Anger --> Bargaining --> Depression --> Acceptance

I suspect you're at stage 2 from your title "Why am I not as good as her...?"

Not everyone has to go thru all 5 stages...and you can be at several stages at the same time...real life is a mess, not a textbook.

Hope you advance to stage 5 very soon ;)

[SpankMeEasy]

As you have acknowledged the truth, you have passed stage 1 - denial.
It's undeniable that you're angry, so you're in stage 2. - Anger.
But that you're talking to him and to us, so you're at stage 3 - Bargain.
I hope you skip stage 4 and advance straight to stage 5.

Cheers

[colins]

As you have acknowledged the truth, you have passed stage 1 - denial.
It's undeniable that you're angry, so you're in stage 2. - Anger.
But that you're talking to him and to us, so you're at stage 3 - Bargain.
I hope you skip stage 4 and advance straight to stage 5.

Cheers

No bro, she is still in denial. Two symptoms are very apparent, first she is asking questions, second she is still seeking hope. At stage 2, she would have gotten answers to those question she is asking now. All her answers would be that the guy is the cause to all troubles and problems she is facing (despite whatever reasons we say now). Ranting follows.

[SpankMeEasy]

No bro, she is still in denial. Two symptoms are very apparent, first she is asking questions, second she is still seeking hope. At stage 2, she would have gotten answers to those question she is asking now. All her answers would be that the guy is the cause to all troubles and problems she is facing (despite whatever reasons we say now). Ranting follows.

Yep, Colins, u r absolutely rite...in the last sentence of the post,

"I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind?"

Still having FALSE hope. Undeniable classic symptom of a denial.

CinnamonMelts, now that you have the courage to air your dirty laundry on the net, and expect to face some music and a whack-in-the-back-of-your-head comment, take that courage further and face the truth...

The first step/stage is always the hardest...C'mon take another step, and another. You can do it...

Remember, only after accepting the truth can the healing begin.

[silverblue]

did u have sex with him?

[SureScore]

did u have sex with him?

Think the answer is obviously "YES". SORRY TS, help you to answer. Correct me if I am wrong.

[IdontKnow]

obviously he is a skillful 2 timer... wake up ts

[tatata21]

Real men don't double time. Does his gf know he double time?

I can decipher from the reason he gave you in simple words: "Sorry, I don't want to be with you."

I want to say is that... You love him, he "loves" you.

My advice is instead to stand still and seek reasons about the past, take a step forward with a smile and let new life come to you.

Since the result is clear, the reasons are not important anymore.

In case it sounds complicated, what I want to tell you is to move on and don't hold any hopes about such a relationship. If one day he comes back, tell me how sure you are that he will not leave again.

Now, what else do you need to ask? Cheer up. :)

[dominic7]

what is this particular forum section about?

Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

if you are not a whore, look for your girlfriends. dun come here.

[nymex]

Better to break off with him. No need to be a third party in a relationship. I am sure you can find a better man than him.

[I Know]

Real men don't double time.

Grow some hairs first before you comment on what real man do or not do. Real Men Do Not Comment On What Other Real Men Should Do Or Not.

[cinnamonmelts]

Whatever most of you say makes sense, and I probably already know them, but am just in denial.

To paint a clearer picture of my r/s with him...

I do admit I am a playful girl. When I first started a "r/s" with him, it was purely out of fun. Well, I was attracted to him before I knew he had a gf. So when I knew he was attached, I was kinda upset, but... I know I'm a bitch, for going ahead and initiating a "r/s" with him.

It began as more of a physical r/s. But of course, we were more than FBs. We spend time together as friends, and eventually becoming good friends. We got along really well. Soon, we were behaving like a couple. What I mean by a couple is, we take the train to work together everyday, we message each other everyday, we dine together after work almost everyday (fyi he's my colleague). We would inform and update each other of our whereabouts.

In the beginning I could see that he liked me more than I liked him. He got jealous when I talked to other guys or go out with them. He would feel upset when I took a long time to reply his msgs. At that time, I was still in a playful mode, but I could feel myself developing stronger feelings for him, so I was scared, and told him I wanted a breakup. However, he held me back. I relented, cos of 2 reasons:

1. Sex with him was amazing.
2. I was beginning to really like him.

But at that time, reason 1 was the dominant one. I really enjoyed having sex with him. He turns me on, a lot. But I also believe that sex is not just sex. Maybe cos I had feelings for him, that's why I enjoyed the connection with him so much.

Anyway, so we continued, and of course, there are ups and downs along the way. It has really been a roller coaster ride for me. I am extremely happy whenever we spend time together. But whenever he is not with me, I feel sad. I can feel myself breaking down... especially recently... I've been crying almost every night. Sighs. FYI, we are still together, and things are going on "fine".

I do agree that I've asked for it - all these heartaches. I knew right from the start that he couldn't promise me anything, but I still went ahead with it. And now I'm not "playing the game right" by demanding more from him. I know he will eventually leave me one day. You guys are right - his gf has done nothing wrong, so he has no reason to leave her. But I am just so stubborn... I just want to enjoy the times with him... taking one step at a time, even though I know it's gonna be a dead end. Now it's not just about the enjoyable sex I have with him... it's the emotional attachment... and I feel really happy with him.

He and his gf are of marriageable ages... it's just a matter of time... haiz.
And me... I'm risking being left all alone (on the shelf) by holding on to this r/s, but I'm just stubborn to let go.

Ok I know I'm ranting... And I know I'm just being simple-minded when I attempt to compare his gf and myself, cos I know it doesn't really work this way... So I just wish to know how a guy really thinks when he has an affair... Cos he really does seem to care about me, and I really do seem to mean something to him. I can see that he's putting in effort in our r/s too... He tries to spend as much time with me as possible. He tries to please me. But he just does not love me enough to be with me. Does that mean he's not gonna feel pain when he ultimately chooses to leave me? Sighs.

I'm so confused, so sorry my contents are not very organised...

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

..........I've given a lot in this r/s, but it seems like I'm still not as good as her... I've been trying so hard...

Everyone contribute and try their best in a relationship. However just like life, it is not always fair and equal. Some contribute less, some more and some extreme beyond sanity and though everyone deserve love (including you!), it is not an entitlement or deserve to be loved unconditionally against his/her contribution in a relationship. :)

..........I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

It's not foolish, it just keeping you from moving on and finding love :)

p/s: Most men loves their girlfriends but loved by lovers

[Fbuddy]

Sis, whatever you have done with him or he done/say to you, you need to move on and forget him, and treat it as a lesson for you.

Remember next time find those unattached guys, and there are tons in SG :D

[sammyboyfor]

I'm so confused, so sorry my contents are not very organised...

How on earth did you end up in this forum?:eek: Shouldn't you be in flowerpod (www.flowerpod.com.sg/forums/) or something similar??:confused:

[goodpartner]

Does that mean he's not gonna feel pain when he ultimately chooses to leave me?

Dear....let me go... I tried and you know... it's better that you initiate it...

[DegenerationX]

After some time, I've come to terms with it, that I'll never be the one he chooses to spend the rest of his life with. However, I know deep in my heart I'm still holding onto some hope... that one day he will change his mind... Haiz... It's really painful, but I find it so hard to let go... I really love him a lot, and would give so much for him, that's why I'm still holding on to this r/s... Times spent with him are really happy.

I know some of the guys here have been in such situations before... is it true that you will choose your gf over the "new lover" no matter what? Sighs... I've given a lot in this r/s, but it seems like I'm still not as good as her... I've been trying so hard... :(

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

its becos of such mentality, that's why maririage rate in sillypore is dropping/so low. by doing this, u are not giving yourself or other guys a chance. Imagine, if all people have such thinking, the population will drop serverly cos low marriage rate = low birth rates. :(

[Joe.A]

you are just a convenience.
get over it

[SpankMeEasy]

"It began as more of a physical r/s. But of course, we were more than FBs"
This forum is right for you despite its superficial differences. From what I understand, this forum is for some chongsters who turn a commercial fark into a torrid affair.

Some boys can tell apart the difference between lust and love. Some boys can't, hence this forum. Gals are prone to have more prob telling between the two. This incident proves that you're one of them. In fact, you turned lust into love, and now you're screwed for crossing the boundary. The point is, what's done is done, but remember this for your future reference. Besides, you already crossed a boundary when you looked for a FB with a attached boy. But you crossed another boundary at your own peril. You brought this on yourself.

Just say you're looking for FBs in this forum, and there will be single guys queueing up from here to JB. Why go for an attached lad?


"In the beginning I could see that he liked me more than I liked him. He got jealous when I talked to other guys or go out with them. He would feel upset when I took a long time to reply his msgs"
Girl, you're so young!!! You see this as 'love'. I read control freak!!!! Pure and simple. Wake up girl !!! He's a possesive jerk. And a two timer.

There're plenty of Samsters here make better FB's or BF's than this guy. I know this for a fact. :D


"I'm so confused, so sorry my contents are not very organised..."
You're confused not because the situation is complicated, but because your reason is now wrestling with your emotion and now is locked in a tangled mess of knots. Just accept the outcome, and you will be in peace. And only in peace can you sort yourself out. Amitabha 阿彌陀佛. :D

[Cheonging101]

As you have acknowledged the truth, you have passed stage 1 - denial.
It's undeniable that you're angry, so you're in stage 2. - Anger.
But that you're talking to him and to us, so you're at stage 3 - Bargain.
I hope you skip stage 4 and advance straight to stage 5.

Cheers

Stage 1- Denial
Stage 2- Anger
Stage 3- Bargain
Stage 4- Self-loathe
Stage 5- Suicide:eek:

[SpankMeEasy]

Stage 1- Denial
Stage 2- Anger
Stage 3- Bargain
Stage 4- Self-loathe
Stage 5- Suicide:eek:


Hahaaaa...that's not very funny :( but I can't help it...haha :D
I'm so conflicted :eek:

[tatata21]

How on earth did you end up in this forum?:eek: Shouldn't you be in flowerpod (www.flowerpod.com.sg/forums/) or something similar??:confused:

Judging from the constant rants, I too, think flowerpod or cozycot is a more suitable place.

Those posts here makes me think somebody is just teasing around or if not, finding a new fb (then do it properly).

Nevertheless, the effort made in those posts are genuine.

You already know what to do. If talking to people online makes you feel better then it'll be even better if you can find somebody close to confide.

1. Confiding
2. Letting go - delete him from hp/fb/msn... pack away pictures etc.
3. Time
4. Friendship can wait - friendship again can wait, unless u'd like to step onto a pile of shit

Take care.

[SpankMeEasy]

Judging from the constant rants, I too, think flowerpod or cozycot is a more suitable place.

Those posts here makes me think somebody is just teasing around or if not, finding a new fb (then do it properly).

Nevertheless, the effort made in those posts are genuine.

You already know what to do. If talking to people online makes you feel better then it'll be even better if you can find somebody close to confide.

1. Confiding
2. Letting go - delete him from hp/fb/msn... pack away pictures etc.
3. Time
4. Friendship can wait - friendship again can wait, unless u'd like to step onto a pile of shit

Take care.

If I read her correctly, she wants to seek opinions from men's POV, which site like flowerpot lacks (Whether this is a good idea - seeking opinions from man - is another matter). I think she wants to know how a MAN thinks. That was quite clear. I suspect that sites like flowerpot are populated mostly by girls (I could be wrong). Maybe she suspects that site is more judgemental of her actions. Maybe she's also posting in those sites. Maybe...

Talking to friends is a good idea, but she may not have or believes she has no non-judgemental "friends". Or is afraid how her friends viewed her afterwards. Strangers can offer more objectivity (or not). And she doesn't have to care how strangers view her (compare to her frens).

Just my 3 cents worth.

[Cheonging101]

I suspect that sites like flowerpot are populated mostly by girls (I could be wrong).

I'm flowerpod's moderator. :p:D

Joking nia lar! Can't stand that site... pretentious lian airheads who can't see past their manicured toenails...

Anyway, I agree that sis TS is looking for more answers than her BF can provide since:

A) We, being here, means that we are most probably men who er... dun mind shagging 2 different girls.

B) We, not being her BF, can be more honest and open in our replies.

C) We provide replies at least 100 times more amusing than those flowerpods.

[see see only]

Talking to friends is a good idea, but she may not have or believes she has no non-judgemental "friends". Or is afraid how her friends viewed her afterwards. Strangers can offer more objectivity (or not). And she doesn't have to care how strangers view her (compare to her frens).

Just my 3 cents worth.

Hey bro SpankMeEasy,

Kinda of agree with you ... wahahaaha

TS,

However this is your life, you have chosen this path of yours to be part of your life "history" ... so it is your decision to choose if you wanted to carry on been a "fool" (most would say so) :rolleyes: or to move on

It is also your decision to be a "fool" again with another man :) or wait for whatever come along the way.

Anyway ... almost all of us dont get what we wish for most of the time because "a wish" is for the near impossible which dont come easy :D

Nevertheless enjoy your life though. :)


OKOK come back to your case, if i'm you - i will play the game smartly and turn the table again ... BUT HOW?? -- you will learn eventually .......

[alan0338]

Whatever most of you say makes sense, and I probably already know them, but am just in denial.
He and his gf are of marriageable ages... it's just a matter of time... haiz.
And me... I'm risking being left all alone (on the shelf) by holding on to this r/s, but I'm just stubborn to let go....


dun worry sis, u wont be left all alone, sbf got many bros, just make a declaration and sure your pm box will be flooded :D
sorry sis, i think you just 不服输 only thats why you feeling what you are feeling now, correct me if i am wrong, pls dun get upset over my words ... :D

[colins]

..............
I'm so confused, so sorry my contents are not very organised...

When you play in a game of chance, be prepared to lose the money you bet. In this game of yours, you bet your feelings knowing he has his own future, you played it only to lose. The game is irreversible, he is now your past.

Move on, you got the next best thing - single and available again.;)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....sighs.....i'm so confused, so sorry my contents are not very organised...

美眉小妹妹, 你只是在找真爱的路上迷了路和乱了性 :)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....OKOK come back to your case, if i'm you - i will play the game smartly and turn the table again ... BUT HOW?? -- you will learn eventually .......

Hi SSO, how are you? Long time no see :)

Dont waste your time ......... men are all the same, I know cos I am one.

Ha-Ha!! H7 also here...Don't waste time on one cos plently men out here and there??? Hehehehe.... :)

[cinnamonmelts]

Just to clarify again, in case you guys are mistaken... I'm still together with this guy - we are not over yet.

Anyway, some of you are right... I am here and not in flowerpod or cozycot cos I want to know how a guy thinks/feels. Moreover, majority of the ppl at fp and cc are girls, so how do you think they would react to a girl like me? Over there I've read threads of some girls who were in similar situations as me. They did get some encouragement and advice, but I tell you, most of the replies were rebuking her. I totally understand that. I know it's double standard on my side, but I also would NEVER be able to tolerate another girl being involved emotionally/physically with my bf. So of course, I know what I'm doing is wrong, I know I deserve to be scolded and hated, but guys, please... spare me all these at the moment... I am looking for answers...

And I've come here, cos since you surf this forum, you should logically be more open (since you probably may be a two-timer as well?) and hopefully less judgemental..? And be able to offer me a guy's point of view.

He is not a control freak. In the beginning of our r/s, he would get upset and jealous over certain stuff I did, but not in the control freak manner. He would not stop me or quarrel with me over those upsetting things. I knew he was jealous/upset only because I could detect he was behaving a bit differently (kinda moody) so I probed him abt what was wrong. Anyway, now it seems like those issues which he cared about don't matter to him anymore. Perhaps he doesn't like me as much as before. Or maybe he knows I like him a lot so he kinda takes me for granted? *Shrugs*

I admit in the beginning I was 好胜. However, it's not the case now. I really love him a lot. We've only spent 8 mths together so far, but it really feels like a very long time, like I've been with him for 2 years, cos it seems like we've been through so much.

Once, I asked him, "Why? Am I not better than her?"
Him: No... it's not that you are not good. Both of you are equally good.
Me: Then why?
Him: ......
Me: There must be a reason... just tell me...
Him: The problem doesn't lie with you. It's just that I got to know her first. If your role and her role were reversed, it would be the same too (as in, he would be with me in that case)
Me: So if you got to know me first, would I be your gf?
Him: Ya...

When I heard that, I was .......................................... You mean there's first-come-first-serve in relationships? Sighs. I just feel that he is trying to make me feel better. If he really loves me, if he really feels happier with me, he would definitely choose to be with me. However, his firm stand just goes to show that his gf is the one whom he ultimately wishes to spend the rest of his life with.

Sighs, it really seems like although you guys may have an affair, you still go back to your gf/wife eventually. I guess I have no hope already...

[cinnamonmelts]

Sorry guys... i know you all keep asking me to let go, but i just can't... that aside at the moment first, k..?

i am just puzzled... cos he really does seem to be putting in effort into our r/s... so does he really have feelings for me or not? sighs.

[goodpartner]

The guys is nothing more than a low down two timing loser.
Real men don't double time.
He's a possesive jerk. And a two timer.

Is it really that bad to be eh...non-exclusive? :confused::rolleyes:

[sammyboyfor]

i am just puzzled... cos he really does seem to be putting in effort into our r/s... so does he really have feelings for me or not? sighs.

I'll be blunt as usual.

You're nothing more than a side dish. :rolleyes: You help boost his fragile ego and provide a bit of sexual variety. He has no long term plans for you but he'll hang on as long as he can for the reasons I've just stated.

When you finally come to your senses, he'll simply move on and find another girl to take your place.

The person I feel really sorry for is his steady girlfriend.:eek:

[shyboy252001]

hi TS,

i think he has feeling for you, if not he wont be spending time and effort with you, but that feeling is not strong enough to make him choose you. the reasons he give are rubbish, when u woke up from this mess, you'll come to realise it, believe me.

in any 3 sided relationship, there is always one party that will end up losing the battle. in your case, it is you that he chooses to sacrifice, that he chooses to let go, that he chooses to let u suffer.

i recently learn that words are just words, easy to say, but it is actions that count, cause doing requires your commitment, words do not. when the time comes between choosing you n the gf, you will always be the spare tire.. if you can live with it, then good for you. (which i gather you cant, if not you wont be ranting here) if you cannot, then u must really pluck the courage and control your emotions to leave this shitty relationship.

all the best.

[cinnamonmelts]

I feel super depressed now... Yes I am so heartbroken that I will be the one whom he chooses to sacrifice in the end, and this makes me feel worthless. Somehow I feel that he can do without me, even though he is putting effort into our r/s. I am probably just a bonus to him, right guys? Sighs.

I'm just hoping that his feelings for me will deepen if we continue this r/s longer. I want to create more memories of us, so that we have more to hold on to.

He is 30, she is 28, so I think they will get married soon, perhaps in a year or two? Do you think he will be able to let go of me without feeling any pain, and get married happily with her, building a happy family of their own? I keep on thinking that it's not gonna hurt him to leave me... Sighs.

[sammyboyfor]

He is 30, she is 28, so I think they will get married soon, perhaps in a year or two? Do you think he will be able to let go of me without feeling any pain, and get married happily with her, building a happy family of their own? I keep on thinking that it's not gonna hurt him to leave me... Sighs.

The person who should call an end to this charade is YOU!:rolleyes:

How would you like it if you had a boyfriend you planned to marry and he was banging some other floozy on the side. I'm sure you'd be outraged and heartbroken.

You really are being very selfish and it may come back to bite you one day if you persist in your dastardly ways!:eek:

[goodpartner]

Do you think he will be able to let go of me without feeling any pain, and get married happily with her, building a happy family of their own? I keep on thinking that it's not gonna hurt him to leave me... Sighs.

Will get married, but will also continue to keep you for as long as you can't let go. If you try to expose the relationship and jeopardize the marriage, there'll be good excuses to shake you off. You came with open eyes, you knew it is a non-exclusive relationship, you wanted fun initially.

Yes, it'll hurt badly, but does that make you feel better?

First love is lidat one.

[qw2op]

...
Once, I asked him, "Why? Am I not better than her?"
Him: No... it's not that you are not good. Both of you are equally good.
Me: Then why?
Him: ......
Me: There must be a reason... just tell me... wat answer u xpect wif tis kind of question? ...

ppl has a choice n ppl dun choose u ... u hv lost! ... face ze fact ... :eek:

[colins]

.......
I'm just hoping that his feelings for me will deepen if we continue this r/s longer. I want to create more memories of us, so that we have more to hold on to.
.

You went to flowerpod in the hope of finding support for what you want. Like you say, you will have none.

(So) You come to SBF, despite what people are telling you, you are still finding support. You want people to stop telling you to let go, you want people to support you to 'deepen the relationship and create more memories'. You want to listen to only the good things? I dun think SBF is all that bad, we still have a lot of bros/sis giving advice in full sincerity. 2

Dun worry about what we say, it is totally immaterial to us as to whether our advice met its purpose becos the person who will ultimately hurt you is the person that you do not want to let go. My suggestion - let him advise you.

[see see only]

Dun worry about what we say, it is totally immaterial to us as to whether our advice met its purpose becos the person who will ultimately hurt you is the person that you do not want to let go. My suggestion - let him advise you.

Ha... bro colins ... :D you are still the best ...


Anyway sis the following is for you (hope you are a chinese) .... choose your path wisely :rolleyes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jPSKrwoct0

[Cheonging101]

Sis TS, u are what we call in SBF - "FB went wrong". :p

If you want to get out of the relationship with a bang, I suggest you do the following.

1) Watch tons of porn.
2) Find lots of guys and gain practical experience (can earn some cash).
3) Improve on your techniques after listening to their feedback.
4) Book a 5-star hotel room (with the money earned), doll yourself up and invite the fucker there.
5) Unleash all your skills on him through the night.
6) Kiss him goodbye and kick him in the nuts the next day.
7) He will remember you for the rest of your lives. Or at least, his nuts will. :D

[shyboy252001]

If you want to get out of the relationship with a bang, I suggest you do the following.

2) Find lots of guys and gain practical experience (can earn some cash).
3) Improve on your techniques after listening to their feedback.


i am sure lots of brothers here would be interested to help with ur techniques! :D

anyway, on the more serious note, take heed of Boss' comment. imagine if you are the girl he choose, and the 2 of u are getting married and he dumped u for another "u".. that would be disastrous right? do think about it :)

but then again, maybe u belong to the newer generations of kids. ‘不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有' so only care about immediate gratifications. dont care the future. or the rebellious group of people.. the more people said cannot, the more you wanna proof that you can? hmm :rolleyes:

[sub2lady2]

If you want to get out of the relationship with a bang, I suggest you do the following.

4) Book a 5-star hotel room (with the money earned), doll yourself up and invite the fucker there.
5) Unleash all your skills on him through the night.
6) Kiss him goodbye and kick him in the nuts the next day.


Bro, I like your above suggestion 4-6, in this way. TS sis, have a fuck goodbye with him and move on, life will be more colorful and joyful after him the fucker.:D

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

..... He is 30, she is 28, so I think they will get married soon, perhaps in a year or two? Do you think he will be able to let go of me without feeling any pain, and get married happily with her, building a happy family of their own? I keep on thinking that it's not gonna hurt him to leave me... Sighs.

This is going nowhere as always for such "TS in denial" thread ....or else it would go on for another 10 pages and still :...."I still love him and he love me or not..bla..bla.."

Let's cut the chase

TS, since you want this sex forum Bros/Sis opinion.

Kindly fill us in on:

1) Sexual frequency

2) Quality of sex

There's sex ... then there's sex cos many couple make love for physical satisfaction and there is another form of love making which will move both of you into higher frequency and making love becomes about connecting with each other body, mind, and soul. A greater connection with each other___(Blank)_______and _(Blank)_sexual bliss only occurs when people of __(Blank)_______ are in love and have sex. This may not happen when people_______(Blank)___________....

Cannot tell you so much till you provide us the answers to whether it's gonna to hurt him to leave you or not :D

[dominic7]

treat them like princesses.... they treat you like shit
treat them like whores.... they treat you like gold.

thats the takeaway from this thread

[sub2lady2]

treat them like princesses.... they treat you like shit
treat them like whores.... they treat you like gold.


Ya to some sense you are right, but that is the game between man and woman, and it will never ending ...

"Gold" should be "God" right bro :D

[aczeta76]

Just a statement

R/S are not a matter of meritocracy... so u may be ten times better than her but he can still dump u.

So dun be fixated on who is better coz it does not matter at all

[cinnamonmelts]

i think most of you here have misinterpreted my intentions... or perhaps i have not made myself clear.

yes i know i am ranting repeatedly (sorry, i guess it's just a trait of a typical girl). but i'm not gonna go on and on and on abt it, going in circles. i'm just trying to put up as much info as possible in each post, so that you guys can get a better picture of my r/s with him, and hopefully offer me some insights.

i am NOT looking for encouragement here. no matter what, my decision now is to just hold on, and i'm quite sure this resolution is not gonna waver any time soon.

i am just confused. i know most people say that he doesn't love me, i am just a spare tyre, he's not serious about me, i'm just a bonus to him, i'm just a convenience, he will stick to his gf, yada yada.

BUT i see him putting so much effort into our r/s. so much so that i feel i really do have an important place in his heart, and i'm pretty sure it's not for show, not just because he wants my body.

in fact, the day before yesterday, we sort of quarrelled. he had not wished to tell me something, so i felt that there was this barrier between us, and that he treated me as an outsider. i have always been very open with him about my thoughts and everything in my life, but he, although open to me in most aspects, is still reserved about certain stuff. so i felt kinda hurt, and had a "serious talk" with him. he ended up being mad at me instead (when i was the one feeling hurt), and we sort of ignored each other for an hour or two, even though we were right beside each other. in the end we kinda "made up", but not exactly back to normal.

ok, i realised i'm being long-winded here. anyway, the point is...
i wanted to have sex with him after that but he didn't want to.
i was like............. ???!!!

i wanted to do it with him cos i felt the need, and also, i felt that having sex would help us ease the tension. but he refused to. i asked him why, and he replied, "no mood"

so... if he were really just after my body, he wouldn't because of emotional unrest not want to have sex with me. in fact, i was the one who requested for it, and HE REJECTED ME! i went to hug and kiss him, crawled on top of him, tried to arouse him by kissing his ears and neck, but he was unmoved. i went to stroke his thighs and rod. he was hard, but still, refused to have sex. i even told him, "ok nvm, we don't have sex, but just let me suck you?" AND HE REJECTED AGAIN.

the last time we had sex was sun, so a 4-day gap is considered quite a long one. but he didn't want to do it with me even with me initiating so aggressively. and the point is... this makes me feel that he's not with me just for my body..?

anyway, we did have sex in the end, but it was after i tried very hard. and even during sex he appeared really reluctant and not enjoying, but he did shoot. alright, don't wanna bore you guys with the details.

so yeah, like i've said, i'm not here for encouragement. i just need answers, preferably from people who have two-timed before or are two-timing... but it seems like no one here belongs to this category? perhaps i should create a new thread with another title to get the right people reading? i'm just confused with his actions... is he being so nice to me just out of obligation? if it's just obligation, then i feel that he's really doing too much for me. when he does so much for me, i keep feeling that i might really mean a lot to him, just that he's not aware of it? *shrugs*

[cinnamonmelts]

Just a statement

R/S are not a matter of meritocracy... so u may be ten times better than her but he can still dump u.

So dun be fixated on who is better coz it does not matter at all

many people tell me it's a matter of time and place... sighs.

[aczeta76]

many people tell me it's a matter of time and place... sighs.

In the past ... perhaps, coz ur circle of people was limited in the years that has gone by

Now in this connected world... Too many possibilities and missed chances so that logic is hardly workable now.

Just remember, dun try to fathom what the other person is thinking or double guess COZ those are not in your circle of control.

If u really want, you can try influencing but that works only if he really cares a hoot about you (And I mean care deep down)

The world continues to move regardless of how you see it.. so breathe:p

[ekemono]

no one can give you an answer. You would have to go thru it yourself.
I dun have any impression of him but it seems in your thread you are finding reasons for his actions, and that they are for his interest.

If that was correct, then no one.., not even God can convince you othewise.
So the bottom line is this:

If you wan to love, love daringly. It may be part of your guardian angel's plan for you to learn what love truely is.

But if you have fear and doubt.., then the best solution is to walk away.

Btw, not wanting to have sex with you does not always mean he isn't after your body. Learn to think out of your box.

[longwinter]

no one can give you an answer. You would have to go thru it yourself.
I dun have any impression of him but it seems in your thread you are finding reasons for his actions, and that they are for his interest.

If that was correct, then no one.., not even God can convince you othewise.
So the bottom line is this:

If you wan to love, love daringly. It may be part of your guardian angel's plan for you to learn what love truely is.

But if you have fear and doubt.., then the best solution is to walk away.

Btw, not wanting to have sex with you does not always mean he isn't after your body. Learn to think out of your box.

finally see ur postin...bro u really mia so long...what are u up to recently? :o

[SpankMeEasy]

CinamonMelts,

The line between love and obsession is blurred. I only come to this conclusion by intrepreting what you said. Only you know the honest truth, and that's the crux of the matter. Be brutually honest with yourself. You're still defending him, and what you do, and your triangle love affairs. In time, I hope you'll find your answers.


P.S. sounds like flowerpods is a great place if one wants to look at cat fights. I love cats fight. There're lots of opportunities to see clothes being torn. Or in this case, lots and lots of name callings and mud slingings....I'm going there!!! Nah....I rather watch women mud wrestling.

[alan0338]

i wanted to have sex with him after that but he didn't want to.
i asked him why, and he replied, "no mood"

so... if he were really just after my body, he wouldn't because of emotional unrest not want to have sex with me. in fact, i was the one who requested for it, and HE REJECTED ME! i went to hug and kiss him, crawled on top of him, tried to arouse him by kissing his ears and neck, but he was unmoved. i went to stroke his thighs and rod. he was hard, but still, refused to have sex. i even told him, "ok nvm, we don't have sex, but just let me suck you?" AND HE REJECTED AGAIN.

the last time we had sex was sun, so a 4-day gap is considered quite a long one. but he didn't want to do it with me even with me initiating so aggressively. and the point is... this makes me feel that he's not with me just for my body..?
anyway, we did have sex in the end, but it was after i tried very hard. and even during sex he appeared really reluctant and not enjoying, but he did shoot.
i keep feeling that i might really mean a lot to him, just that he's not aware of it? *shrugs*

no.1 why he rejected you when you ask to have a bonk, ( he already said no mood) its just that you urself finding fantastic excuses for him..

no. 2 he rejected you again when you want to suck his cock( cos he still no mood) and that makes u more self KC into believing he not after your body :eek:...

no. 3 he rejected to have sex with you and ended up having sex in the end( that means he is still wanting sex , just act not so interested only :D )

no. 4 you feel that you mean something to him, yayaya, you are right,( just another hole for him to release his sperm. :D..)

no.5 sis, remember this, when a guy tells you "I am happy with you, but I can't promise you anything. I also want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you in pain all the time. So I hope you can find a guy who truly gives you happiness." that means that he doesnt want to be pesponsible at all ( dun you ever watch tv dramas) , its all your own fault for not leaving him,... i use that sentence b4, but ended up, the gal really go away, damn, how come i never meet a extra hole like you :rolleyes:

sis, sorry for being blunt, think you are just another 不服输，+ self kc victim ....pls dun feel offended, i just writing out my views...

[Sweetest]

Appears to me you were blinded by "love". As guys (or rather, normal guys), we hardly say no to sex. Haven't you heard of the saying "Girls need reasons to make love, guys just need a place". He was just playing hard-to-get and you fell for it.....haiz

[aczeta76]

Appears to me you were blinded by "love". As guys (or rather, normal guys), we hardly say no to sex. Haven't you heard of the saying "Girls need reasons to make love, guys just need a place". He was just playing hard-to-get and you fell for it.....haiz

You may be quite wrong to say that bro...

Sometimes, we REALLY dun want to do it... coz the other party is juz "wrong" for that moment..

:eek:

[shyboy252001]

sista,

you kept saying he did lots of thing for your relationships. maybe can share more? let outsiders decide/judge whether that is a LOT or just ur wishful thinking that he is putting efforts in the relationship.

mm. also, plenty bros said they two-timed and said ur guy is playing you, but u simply refuse to listen and said they dont have experience of 2 timing? hmm :rolleyes: dont come asking advice when your cup is still full.. seems like you r really just asking for someone to encourage you in your this endeavor..

lastly.. many of us (men and women) got confuse between lust and love.. u sure u love him? more like you are lusting after him for whatever reasons..

cheers. =)

[sammyboyfor]

so yeah, like i've said, i'm not here for encouragement. i just need answers, preferably from people who have two-timed before or are two-timing...

I'm pretty sure most of the responses have been from men who have been two timing bastards at some point in their lives. I'm the first to plead guilty.:p There's nothing better than the thrill of a covert relationship. It does wonders for a man's ego. As we get older and wiser, we realise how foolish we were to put our primary relationships at risk.

I'm telling you straight that your long term chances are a big fat zilch. Even if his girlfriend left him tomorrow, chances of you taking her place are slim to zero. Most men don't respect girls who are willing to play second fiddle. They suit their purpose as lovers but not as future mothers to their children.

The fact that you're being very selfish doesn't help matters whatsoever. Think of his poor girlfriend for a change. The world does not revolve around you.

[colins]

.............
He and his gf are of marriageable ages... it's just a matter of time... haiz.
And me... I'm risking being left all alone (on the shelf) by holding on to this r/s, but I'm just stubborn to let go.



Ok, you dun want encouragement. You dun think the relationship will work either.

Actually, what exactly are you so confused about?

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....Initially, when I wanted a breakup, he still held me back. And I stayed on. However, after that, at a certain point in time, it felt so painful that I requested for a breakup again. That time, he didn't hold me back at all. He said stuff like, "I am happy with you, but I can't promise you anything. I also want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you in pain all the time. So I hope you can find a guy who truly gives you happiness.".............bla.......bla........yada........yada ..........

Please re-read your 1st post. What's the confusion?

1) You have come to terms with being 3rd party and a Fxxk Buddy. What's there to be confused?

2) “You deserve someone better or hope you find a guy who truly give you happiness.” means “I’ll be looking elsewhere to get what you can’t give me.”.....You are nothing more than a timeslot when his girlfriend is not available. Even if something happened with his girlfriend, you will never move up the love ladder because in his mind, you are definately not a girlfriend material. It is YOU who cannot let go not him. It sure does feel good to think positive of all his behavior and action to comfort yourself. Anyway regardless of how many timers - 2/3/4...10 timers.....Guys are always sex readily for their girlfriends, if you need to beg for it, then something is definately not of desirable quality to him. Better to go up to him and confront him directly to clear YOUR confusion :o

http://i836.photobucket.com/albums/zz286/Ichigo_photo_album/maradona.jpg

[goodpartner]

i just need answers, preferably from people who have two-timed before or are two-timing... but it seems like no one here belongs to this category?

Dear... call me a two/multi-timing bastard (who has yet to grow older and wise up), here are my answers as if you're that girl of mine... which is a real possibility:


I said b4, and I'll say again: I do love you, but I also like to think that I love the others. I'm as confused and perhaps more so; about why I keep leading all my true loves along (and hurting most, eventually). In my mind, I wish I could keep all of them by my side forever. :D
I'm a selfish egoistic bastard who enjoy being wanted at the expense of whoever that will fall prey to my charm. I know how to make women feel they are wanted by me too. If there'll be any break-off, I'll make sure they call for it so that I won't feel guilty (for being that bastard).
For those that I've made a mental note to write-off (as in this case, you), I'll show my cards; that's how you'll get to know that I'm seeing others. My bet/hope is that you'll continue to want me, and I'm experienced enuff to make sure that'll happen before I dare show my cards ;) so that I can continue to keep you for sexual pleasure and to fill my void when I need it.
Having said these, there still could be a chance I may fall back on you, if all my other options expired and you're still around for me. That's what you're banking on... I know. But hey, what have I got to loose?
The "refusing sex" part; cum on... LOL... that's just a little excitement I'm pulling off to have somekinda variety from the usual sex with you. I was LMAO (laughing my ass off) when you do it and I act as if I'm reluctant. Again, it's just a variety - don't read too much into it ;)


The special someone whom I may eventually marry (and have family) will not know I'm such a two/multi-timing bastard, but will in fact thinks I'm that 1 out of 100 men who is a faithful husband-material (and I'll have a way to do that too). We all lie.

Then, that's where I'll grow older and wise up to all these games :p

[shyboy252001]

Dear... call me a two/multi-timing bastard (who has yet to grow older and wise up), here are my answers as if you're that girl of mine... which is a real possibility:


I said b4, and I'll say again: I do love you, but I also like to think that I love the others. I'm as confused and perhaps more so; about why I keep leading all my true loves along (and hurting most, eventually). In my mind, I wish I could keep all of them by my side forever. :D
I'm a selfish egoistic bastard who enjoy being wanted at the expense of whoever that will fall prey to my charm. I know how to make women feel they are wanted by me too. If there'll be any break-off, I'll make sure they call for it so that I won't feel guilty (for being that bastard).
For those that I've made a mental note to write-off (as in this case, you), I'll show my cards; that's how you'll get to know that I'm seeing others. My bet/hope is that you'll continue to want me, and I'm experienced enuff to make sure that'll happen before I dare show my cards ;) so that I can continue to keep you for sexual pleasure and to fill my void when I need it.
Having said these, there still could be a chance I may fall back on you, if all my other options expired and you're still around for me. That's what you're banking on... I know. But hey, what have I got to loose?
The "refusing sex" part; cum on... LOL... that's just a little excitement I'm pulling off to have somekinda variety from the usual sex with you. I was LMAO (laughing my ass off) when you do it and I act as if I'm reluctant. Again, it's just a variety - don't read too much into it ;)


The special someone whom I may eventually marry (and have family) will not know I'm such a two/multi-timing bastard, but will in fact thinks I'm that 1 out of 100 men who is a faithful husband-material (and I'll have a way to do that too). We all lie.

Then, that's where I'll grow older and wise up to all these games :p

Bro, you really are the MAN! haha. speak, write and act like a TRUE player! salut salut!!! hahaha. must 拜你为师 liao!!! shi fu!!!!!!!

[goodpartner]

Bro, you really are the MAN! haha. speak, write and act like a TRUE player! salut salut!!! hahaha. must 拜你为师 liao!!! shi fu!!!!!!!

Boy boy, one piece of advis for you is never ever look up to samsters like myself; especially in the acts where fellow human-beings (whores included) are hurt. Every samster here who do not adhere to the simple F&F rule when cheonging is somewhat sick mentally - who needs help - really nothing to be proud of :o;) and definitely not a role model!

[Glock]

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

No

You are a free vagina to him

DONT WASTE MORE TIME

if you want to give free vagina to people , give it to PEOPLE WHO DONT ALREADY HAVE A VAGINA TO FUCK , that fucker has AT LEAST ONE already , he dont need more

Also , DONT step into a casino , you dont know how to get out of a losing streak

[S.B.Y]

Boy boy, one piece of advis for you is never ever look up to samsters like myself; especially in the acts where fellow human-beings (whores included) are hurt. Every samster here who do not adhere to the simple F&F rule when cheonging is somewhat sick mentally - who needs help - really nothing to be proud of :o;) and definitely not a role model!

Nice Indo style :cool:

Boss got it :D

[Demonkin7]

i think most of you here have misinterpreted my intentions... or perhaps i have not made myself clear.

yes i know i am ranting repeatedly (sorry, i guess it's just a trait of a typical girl). but i'm not gonna go on and on and on abt it, going in circles. i'm just trying to put up as much info as possible in each post, so that you guys can get a better picture of my r/s with him, and hopefully offer me some insights.

i am NOT looking for encouragement here. no matter what, my decision now is to just hold on, and i'm quite sure this resolution is not gonna waver any time soon.

i am just confused. i know most people say that he doesn't love me, i am just a spare tyre, he's not serious about me, i'm just a bonus to him, i'm just a convenience, he will stick to his gf, yada yada.

BUT i see him putting so much effort into our r/s. so much so that i feel i really do have an important place in his heart, and i'm pretty sure it's not for show, not just because he wants my body.

in fact, the day before yesterday, we sort of quarrelled. he had not wished to tell me something, so i felt that there was this barrier between us, and that he treated me as an outsider. i have always been very open with him about my thoughts and everything in my life, but he, although open to me in most aspects, is still reserved about certain stuff. so i felt kinda hurt, and had a "serious talk" with him. he ended up being mad at me instead (when i was the one feeling hurt), and we sort of ignored each other for an hour or two, even though we were right beside each other. in the end we kinda "made up", but not exactly back to normal.

ok, i realised i'm being long-winded here. anyway, the point is...
i wanted to have sex with him after that but he didn't want to.
i was like............. ???!!!

i wanted to do it with him cos i felt the need, and also, i felt that having sex would help us ease the tension. but he refused to. i asked him why, and he replied, "no mood"

so... if he were really just after my body, he wouldn't because of emotional unrest not want to have sex with me. in fact, i was the one who requested for it, and HE REJECTED ME! i went to hug and kiss him, crawled on top of him, tried to arouse him by kissing his ears and neck, but he was unmoved. i went to stroke his thighs and rod. he was hard, but still, refused to have sex. i even told him, "ok nvm, we don't have sex, but just let me suck you?" AND HE REJECTED AGAIN.

the last time we had sex was sun, so a 4-day gap is considered quite a long one. but he didn't want to do it with me even with me initiating so aggressively. and the point is... this makes me feel that he's not with me just for my body..?

anyway, we did have sex in the end, but it was after i tried very hard. and even during sex he appeared really reluctant and not enjoying, but he did shoot. alright, don't wanna bore you guys with the details.

so yeah, like i've said, i'm not here for encouragement. i just need answers, preferably from people who have two-timed before or are two-timing... but it seems like no one here belongs to this category? perhaps i should create a new thread with another title to get the right people reading? i'm just confused with his actions... is he being so nice to me just out of obligation? if it's just obligation, then i feel that he's really doing too much for me. when he does so much for me, i keep feeling that i might really mean a lot to him, just that he's not aware of it? *shrugs*

Dear Sister Cinna

Sory for the late read up on your post.
1) How old r u?
2) How many relationship did u had before this?
3) If there are a couple of relationship previous, how did it all end up? U might like to review them.

Sorry to say this but think now you r very emotional and not cognitive in ur mental processes. So most likely you r still fixated in this relationship and unable to measure the pros and cons of the relationship. We can never provide you the answers. U have the answers yourself, just whether you want to look at it or not.

We can point in any direction for you but you are the person who will take that step not us. So think for urself, dun ask why from us who is not him. Anyway he will not answer u truthful as well.

The way you phase all ur info in here seems like u r either :-
1) inexperience in love relationship and young in age.
2) watch too much america soap opera, example 'let's make love after we quarrel to patch things back'.
3) hopefully you do not fall into this area of psychology distress. If need to please seek professional assistance. It is free to call SOS.

Just my 2 cents.

[Medusa]

why are you even taking how much you have given to this relationship to show how much you love him?? are you really sure this is love or you just cant swallow your pride that he goes back to his gf?

true love is not measured by how much you have done for him or he have done for you...true love doesnt expect anything in return...if you really love someone...you wont be asking why he didnt return your love favour...why he didnt do this why he didnt do that...bcos love comes out from the heart...of cos i truly understand that you will tend to question yourself...even complain about it....but when it comes to a stage that you're finding it unfair...then i seriously doubt this is love...

i've just broken up with my bf of 8 years...throughout this 8 years...i did alot of things too...forgive him when he did wrong...forgive him when i caught him red handed so many times that i've lost count...when things start to get better for him...its time for us to end too...never did i ask him for any reasons that leads to the breakup...bcos i knew deep in my mind...he have stopped loving me...i dont wish to know the answer too...cos i know it will either be a white lie or it will hurt me like hell...

friends did ask me...after all that i've done for him...he decided to leave me...dont i feel it unfair? all i can reply them is...there's no rules in love that say after sarcrificing so much for someone...that someone have to be with you forever or return favour...love is a miraculous thing...if its there...its there...if its not...it will no longer be...and most important of all...never ever use how much you have gave to your other half as a measurement to how much love you should receive....

you choose to be a 3rd party...wanna play the game...abide by the rules...cant afford to play...then quit....dont keep lying to yourself and finding excuses for him or yourself...and the worse is harbouring hopes that he will leave his wife/gf for you...when its time to let go...brave the pain and let go...its not gonna be easy but it cant be attain...time does heal all wounds....

dont waste your time hanging around a man who doesnt appreciate you...if you are still stubborn and insist on sticking to your decision...then i dont see the point of you asking for advice here...

chok dee~

[shyboy252001]

Boy boy, one piece of advis for you is never ever look up to samsters like myself; especially in the acts where fellow human-beings (whores included) are hurt. Every samster here who do not adhere to the simple F&F rule when cheonging is somewhat sick mentally - who needs help - really nothing to be proud of :o;) and definitely not a role model!

Bradder,

you are being modest la. we all are here to learn from each other. for younger ones like me, it is good to read and learn from the lao jiao like yourself. :)

hehehe

[alan0338]

are you really sure this is love or you just cant swallow your pride that he goes back to his gf?

i think its the latter :D

[goodpartner]

you are being modest la.
:
from the lao jiao like yourself. :)


Thanks bra, for your respect ;)

To dear cinna, did you read what I just did and say with my posts above to impress someone even though I admit I'm a bad person, yadayada?

I put in "a lot of effort" to let you think I'm really serious about you and show I love you (which is again, true) are just me manipulating your thoughts; being a charmer, telling you half-baked truth, admitting that I'm imperfect, but indirectly gaining your trust. Guys like me are good in fucking up your mind. As I say, it's your first love and victims like you are easy prey which unfortunately some other bastard (who may be less honest than me :D) will cum along anyway, if it's not me.

Keep hanging on to your hope. I'll continue to seduce your mind.

[sammyboyfor]

Guys like me are good in fucking up your mind. As I say, it's your first love and victims like you are easy prey which unfortunately some other bastard (who may be less honest than me :D) will cum along anyway, if it's not me.



"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

- Sharon Stone

[sammyboyfor]

Keep hanging on to your hope. I'll continue to seduce your mind.

I found another good one.... :D

"Almost all of our relationships begin and most of them continue as forms of mutual exploitation, a mental or physical barter, to be terminated when one or both parties run out of goods."

- W H Auden

[ekemono]

finally see ur postin...bro u really mia so long...what are u up to recently? :o

hi bro,
this period of time very busy with new job because of our client's corporate year end closing. Also, my viet wife gave birth to our baby girl 2 months back.
Nowadays reached home only must help with house work and babycare and maybe check coy email before bed.
Quite shake leg in office this few days so came in to read posting.

Hope you are well too:)

[DegenerationX]

To dear cinna, did you read what I just did and say with my posts above to impress someone even though I admit I'm a bad person, yadayada?

I put in "a lot of effort" to let you think I'm really serious about you and show I love you (which is again, true) are just me manipulating your thoughts; being a charmer, telling you half-baked truth, admitting that I'm imperfect, but indirectly gaining your trust. Guys like me are good in fucking up your mind. As I say, it's your first love and victims like you are easy prey which unfortunately some other bastard (who may be less honest than me :D) will cum along anyway, if it's not me.

Keep hanging on to your hope. I'll continue to seduce your mind.

Good one! Upz u :D

[casanovano]

Gal to put it simple man will have 2 things they never get enough..
1. MONEY
2.Woman..
i had been greedy man before but look here gal.. man 'shelf' life is way longer than gals... so you see we can drag on and select the best... but you gals need to know what is the best for you... that y ur six sense is usually stronger than us... the guy u are with are properly toying with ur feeling... just let go gal... go on and find your better 1.... dun bored you anymore with preaches... enough say and carried on with ur life please...


regards

[SpankMeEasy]

"BUT i see him putting so much effort into our r/s. so much so that i feel i really do have an important place in his heart, and i'm pretty sure it's not for show, not just because he wants my body."
Of course, it's not just for show. He's having an affair/fling with you. This is the whole point. Your place is important, for now. In fact, maybe that's all he's thinking, right now.

If he wants ONLY sex, he can do that with a prostitute, and he will get variety, and don't have to deal with hassle like your emotional demand, and risking his r/s with his gf, etc, etc, etc. So if sex is all he wants, he wouldn't want you.

You're confusing an affair/fling with a genuine r/s. The effort he's putting in isn't building a long, lasting r/s, but building an affair that he desires and enjoys. This is his thing/kicks. He wants a 2nd gf, not prostitute. You're confused because you choose to see lies. The truth is to painful. You can hold onto this short-lived r/s. which you hope is long lasting. But truth will set you free as the saying goes.

"Why am I not as good as her...?"
Right from the start, ur position is a side dish, spare tyre, take-away, 2nd fiddle. Would he ever consider marry someone like you??? The following monologue must have crossed his mind.

"If I marry her, she will have a fling with another man. Why not? She did it with me. My gf is a nice girl and I trust her to be a good mother of my children. This CinnamonMelts may try to change my mind by telling me that she had changed. Why should I believe her? I know I can trust my gf. But I do enjoy having another gf. I love her because I enjoy falling in love all over again. I'm a man, and I have a lots of love to give other women (aren't we all, boys?!). I'll string her along as long as I can feel this love chemical coursing thru my veins. I'll dump her when I'm tired of this affair one day."

And can you be sure that he hasn't a 3rd gf??? At least, I'm quite sure he's thinking about it. Or maybe he doesn't have time. But it doesn't mean he doesn't want it.

We love roller coaster ride because we love the feeling of how the adrenalin coursing thru my blood. We love to fall in love because of we're addicted to oxytocin coursing thru our blood. But when the oxytocin wears out (and it WILL), sanity will prevail.

[SpankMeEasy]

"BUT i see him putting so much effort into our r/s. so much so that i feel i really do have an important place in his heart, and i'm pretty sure it's not for show, not just because he wants my body."
Of course, it's not just for show. He's having an affair/fling with you. This is the whole point. Your place is important, for now. In fact, maybe that's all he's thinking, right now.

If he wants ONLY sex, he can do that with a prostitute, and he will get variety, and don't have to deal with hassle like your emotional demand, and risking his r/s with his gf, etc, etc, etc. So if sex is all he wants, he wouldn't want you.

You're confusing an affair/fling with a genuine r/s. The effort he's putting in isn't building a long, lasting r/s, but building an affair that he desires and enjoys. This is his thing/kicks. He wants a 2nd gf, not prostitute. You're confused because you choose to see lies. The truth is to painful. You can hold onto this short-lived r/s. which you hope is long lasting. But truth will set you free as the saying goes.

"Why am I not as good as her...?"
Right from the start, ur position is a side dish, spare tyre, take-away, 2nd fiddle. Would he ever consider marry someone like you??? The following monologue must have crossed his mind.

"If I marry her, she will have a fling with another man. Why not? She did it with me. My gf is a nice girl and I trust her to be a good mother of my children. This CinnamonMelts may try to change my mind by telling me that she had changed. Why should I believe her? I know I can trust my gf. But I do enjoy having another gf. I love her because I enjoy falling in love all over again. I'm a man, and I have a lots of love to give other women (aren't we all, boys?!). I'll string her along as long as I can feel this love chemical coursing thru my veins. I'll dump her when I'm tired of this affair one day."

And can you be sure that he hasn't a 3rd gf??? At least, I'm quite sure he's thinking about it. Or maybe he doesn't have time. But it doesn't mean he doesn't want it.

We love roller coaster ride because we love the feeling of how the adrenalin coursing thru my blood. We love to fall in love because of we're addicted to oxytocin coursing thru our blood. But when the oxytocin wears out (and it WILL), sanity will prevail.

When that oxytocin wears out, he'll have to find another girl for his oxytocin fix. He can't fall in love with you again. He can only does it with another girl. And we have another one of his gf posting in this forum, and crying about the same old thing, in the not-too-distant future.

If he does it once, would he want to stop? I wouldn't.

Yes, he DOES love you. For now. Until he doesn't. Soon.

A genuine, long lasting r/s can't build on powerful first encounter like your sexual coition, or whirlwind affair. It's like building a house in a hurricane. It has to be built on the solid foundation of something much more subdue, mundane, realistic, practical, solid. Not just based on powerful feelings. These things can't possibly last. No way. No how.

[SpankMeEasy]

Some may say what I refered to my previous 2 posts as love is in fact INFACTUATION.

I agree. But I won't be too hung up with definitions.

Let put it this way, when I have a steady gf and going out with her for a while, she won't be on my mind all the time. But initially, she would be on my mind a lot. This is because the r/s is new and fresh. In fact, this is true even with non-sexual r/s. When a r/s is new, you tend to occupy it more than an old r/s. No buts or ifs.

So don't be fooled by the fact that even if he seems to be showing genuine excitement, and pre-occupied by thoughts of you, if you think you're more important than his gf because of this observation, then you're deluding yourself. That constant pre-occupation of the new doesn't even limited to people, it could be things or hobbies, and disappears as someone is going through a phase.

Of course, he wants to put in the effort into building this r/s that is a transient affair. The more he puts in, the more he will get out. He gets more out, not for you. For him.

See? You read his pre-occupation of you and efforts in the r/s as an indiation of your importance in his life. YES. So can a new puppy, a new pet, a new car, a new project, etc. The operative word is NEW. Not you. The feeling of your IMPORTANCE is his life is MISPLACED. You will become the old shoes to be discarded. The only important person in his life is him. All that efforts he put in is for his benefits, not yours.

Why does he cheat on his gf in the first place? Is it because his r/s with his gf is shaky? No. He already told you it isn't. So the only reason why he did it with you was to recapture or relive the rush associates with falling in love/infactuation...

He doesn't love you, he just loves that loving feeling. Make that clear. I repeat. That's why he cheats on his gf with you.

Many bros here try to get the pros/WL horny and even make the WL cum. Do you think the bros are doing these for the prostitues or for themselves??? The WL has no illusion that the bros are doing them favours. But you seem to have that illusion. He can make you happy for his benefits, not yours. But he won't mind if you're think he's doing this for your benefits.

That loving feelings/infactuation will vanish with you the way he had with his gf. He'll move to his next target for that oxytocin rush/'loving feeing' if one should present itself. But he'll stay with his gf.

[SpankMeEasy]

The reason why I spend so much time on this point - you think he thinks you're important - is because this is the one important reason that you're still clinging to him.

Some say you're just another hole to him. I don't agree. Why just have your body when he can have both of your body and mind? Willingly. He can enjoy it on both levels - physically and mentally. Why do you think men have affairs (instead of just going to brothels)? Having affairs isn't free, in fact, it isn't even cheaper than going to brothels, both financially, and mentally. But none of these mean you will ever come close to taking his gf's place.

It's much more satisfying for the taker to have both body and mind, but more damaging for the taken - that's you!

Of course, there's also the thrill of the hunt, that adds to the oxytocin rush. I can't think of a stronger coctails of natural chemicals to lure men. It isn't that men are so weak, it's just this chemicals are so primal and overpowering.

Sound like I'm defending men for cheating. No, I'm not. Just state the facts, M'am!

[cinnamonmelts]

i've been reading the replies by you all... some of them hit me... and i guess spankmeeasy's latest posts impacted me the most...

i cried when i was reading them, cos i knew how much sense they made. perhaps all along i've known all these, but i am just reluctant to face it..? *shrugs*

anyway... i'm so emotional now i'm gonna rant... sorry guys & girls... :/

sometimes i really do feel that he spends more time with me than with his gf... we take the train to work every morning, lunch together at least once a week, dine together after work almost every weekday. well, maybe because we work in the same office, that's why we are able to spend this much time together on weekdays.

on the other hand, he only meets his gf twice a week. he would have dinner with his gf every friday night, and go out with her for almost the whole day on saturdays. thankfully i have activities on saturdays, so it's not that unbearable for me... the real test comes on sundays... we do not have a pre-defined routine, but he would drop by my place every sunday, usually for at least 3 hours, and sometimes he would accompany me longer, for 6-7 hours. we ocassionally go out on sundays too.

however... because sun is not an officially appointed day for me, i would always just be waiting for him to drop by. so far, he hasn't disappointed me. he comes by every sun (except on the sun when we would go out together). but... sometimes for just a short 2 hours. i never know what time he would come and look for me. we would be sms-ing each other from morning, and when he is coming over, he would just ask me, “you want me to go over?” and of course, i would answer YES lah! maybe i should be contented that he even bothers to come and find me... but... the wait is really painful. i would just TOTALLY avail myself on sundays i.e. rejecting friend's appointments just to stay at home and wait for him. i know he would most likely come over, but for how long, i have no idea. the painful thing is that, i free up my whole day, sometimes just to get to see him for 1-2 hours only. i feel so stupid, but i can't help it, cos i just miss him too much.

on a brighter note, he recently stays longer... take the last sun for example, he accompanied me for 5 hours.

other than that, i appreciate him sometimes “prioritising” me above his gf too... sometimes i wanna meet him on fri night, he would cancel the dinner appointment with her and spend the time with me instead. it doesn't occur very frequently, but i still appreciate his effort when he does that.

anyway guys & girls... he is not my first love. i've had 2 serious relationships before him, the first one lasted for about 2.5 years, and the second one for about 3.5 to 4 years. in between i've had some “relationships” with a few guys... serious feelings were involved, but they didn't work out.

and another “random” thingy... he claims he's never had sex with his gf before. heavy petting yes, but not sex. i was really surprised when he told me that. but i don't know if i should believe him. however, taking into consideration the frequency of their meetups (and the places they go to), i kind of believe that they've not been physically intimate for at least the past few months..? of course, you guys would say that he's probably lying to me (about where he and his gf go to when they meet). oh ya, they just went on an overseas trip together... and he once again claimed that they did not do anything. he just touched her breasts, that's it. alright, this one i really DOUBT.

frankly speaking, some of you have raised a burning issue... even if i really managed to get together with him... would i be able to trust him? you know how appalled i was when i saw how he could lie to his gf without batting an eyelid? he didn't even feel guilty at all. or at least, he didn't look guilty. (i know i'm practising double standards, but please, like i've said, that aside in this thread...) when i questioned him if he had ever felt guilty about our affair, he shook his head. i raised an eyebrow, and asked him the second time. then he replied, “a bit.”

seriously, i think i would be a very paranoid gf/wife if i really end up with him. or rather, whomever i may get together with in my next relationship, i would never be able to trust him. i think i'm really scared of stepping into another relationship already... and reading threads in this forum accentuates this fear of mine.

actually.. many times i really want to let go, cos it's too painful... but... i'm just too weak... sighs.

[Triple-X]

Actually i think deep in your heart u have all the answers u need,u just need some persuassion found here..missing someone is just like those habits that u are so used to(e.g mornig calls,fetching after work,blah blah..)
Try to get rid of those habits associated with him and gradually cut the distance.Though saying is alot easier saying than doing it,i believe it just takes time la.And also,sometime,to cure a broken love,u might just need another love :)

*The Day u dont TRUST anybody is the day u wont fall in love ever again

[S.B.Y]

Sis you have IT in you to do THE right thing

Only hurdle is you're allowig your emotions to cloud your sond jugdement

Lay off for awile think positively and rationaly and the answer will follow through :)

[Tengz]

i think u just need to open up ur heart and let go of the stone in it even though its hard.. probably u shld share ur thoughts with some close friends all others who are care about u..

its just a matter of time and ur heart :)

[sammyboyfor]

and another “random” thingy... he claims he's never had sex with his gf before. heavy petting yes, but not sex. i was really surprised when he told me that. but i don't know if i should believe him.


HUH???????

If you believe that shit, you'll believe ANYTHING!!!!!:eek:

You seem to like the touchy feely feedback and I guess you would because you're a woman. I'm afraid I'm too cynical to provide the same. I'll be blunt once again.... he's taking you for an almighty ride of your life. :rolleyes: Never had sex with his girlfriend???? YEAH RIGHT!

When I was having a fantastic fling on the side, I spent far more time with my "spare" too. However, when it came to the crunch, the stable. mundane routine won the day for the simple reason that it's what long term relationships are all about. To this day, I still deeply regret the pain I caused the girl who was there just to amuse me when I needed her. In fact it gives me nightmares once in a while. BTW you know what.. I told her the same sort of bullshit he's now telling you just to give her enough hope in order to prolong the liaison and milk it to the max.

If I were to live my life over again, two timing is the ONE aspect of my existence that I have no wish whatsoever to repeat.

[shyboy252001]

If I were to live my life over again, two timing is the ONE aspect of my existence that I have no wish whatsoever to repeat.

Boss,
somehow, i doubt it ;) haha.

sister cinnamonmelts,
just another perspective for you to think about..
the longer u stay with this guy, the longer you are rejecting the advances for your new love.. you are so fixated on looking at that closed door that you failed to realised so many other doors are open..

anyhow, i find going on overseas trip can help to break the "habits" of spending time together with "someone". not sure if others find it helpful, too. it's like it breaks the routine. and by the time you come back, you can make a new routine.

cheers, and have a good day!

[Sweetest]

......and another “random” thingy... he claims he's never had sex with his gf before. heavy petting yes, but not sex......... and he once again claimed that they did not do anything. he just touched her breasts, that's it. alright, this one i really DOUBT..

2 possibilities.

One is he might be telling a lie. He wants you to be happy and thinks you are the only one he makes love with.

Two is he might after all be telling the truth. His gf doesn’t allow him to have sex and in the end if he wants to release, you become his outlet.

I am inclined to believe the latter. That's my hunch.

[SpankMeEasy]

2 possibilities.

One is he might be telling a lie. He wants you to be happy and thinks you are the only one he makes love with.

Two is he might after all be telling the truth. His gf doesn’t allow him to have sex and in the end if he wants to release, you become his outlet.

I am inclined to believe the latter. That's my hunch.

Why is he telling you about his lack of sex with his gf, regardless if he's telling you the truth? He's trying to tell you that their r/s is based something higher than sex. He sacrifies/deprived of sex, YET he still keeps the r/s. They connect at a mature emotional level. Would he keep the same r/s with you if sex isn't involved at all? Ask him that.

This is something he wants you to hear. Doesn't matter if it's the truth or not.

[SpankMeEasy]

Sorry if I made you cry. I'm glad at least you seem to be coming around.

"even if i really managed to get together with him... would i be able to trust him?you know how appalled i was when i saw how he could lie to his gf without batting an eyelid?"
You can't trust him, and honestly, he can't trust you. Your r/s are built on lies from the start. That's all you can expect as a result - mutual distrusts. Not a good r/s to keep.


"i would never be able to trust him. i think i'm really scared of stepping into another relationship already... and reading threads in this forum accentuates this fear of mine."
Finger burnt, lesson learnt. You're supposed to be scared. If you're not, you're going to put that finger into the flame again. But sometimes when people haven't been to the kitchen for a long while, they forgot fire burns! I hope you never forget!

Walk away from this rotten tree, and you will see a woods full of healthy, young, single unattached trees with nice, big fruits.

Upz me if you like my posts! :D

[SpankMeEasy]

Walk away from this rotten tree, and you will see a woods full of healthy, young, single unattached trees with nice, big hanging fruits.

Cling onto this tree and you will get STD from him. (STD = Sick Tree Disease)

[colins]

But of cos....you are taking the effort to help. cinnamonmelts is a clever girl, just that her guy has himself around her for too long, now really melted together liao. I think the only way to make that guy choose her between the 2, is to have her walk away. He will come crawling, for sure. That princess of his will never satisfy his appetite, so there may be a chance for him to choose 'what's good for him'.

I think I watched too much 琼瑶 already. Life's a comedy anyway. ;)

[sub2lady2]

I think the only way to make that guy choose her between the 2, is to have her walk away. He will come crawling, for sure. That princess of his will never satisfy his appetite, so there may be a chance for him to choose 'what's good for him'.


Fully agree with this. Some times in the r/s when you want something, then you must show you are not interested in it then it will come :p

Sis cinnamonmelts but I suggest you just walk away and forget about him, as says "好马不吃回头草“ :D

[nullnullnull]

Hmmm I have a friend who was in a rs with a guy that was attached to another girl for about 2 years.. After that guy got married she then went out with this guy who was (again.....) attached and was with this guy for 3 years.. Now she says that the guy said that he would leave his current gf and be with her and they're sort of engaged.. I'm wondering.. so maybe persistance works.. But at the end of it.. One person's dreams and hopes got crushed under the feet of fate.. (But in my humble opinion.. it was crushed by my friend....)

[goodpartner]

Why is he telling you about his lack of sex with his gf, regardless if he's telling you the truth? He's trying to tell you that their r/s is based something higher than sex. He sacrifies/deprived of sex, YET he still keeps the r/s. They connect at a mature emotional level. Would he keep the same r/s with you if sex isn't involved at all? Ask him that.

This is something he wants you to hear. Doesn't matter if it's the truth or not.

Good point.


To all sis reading this; Such a gf is definitely a typical 'wife/mother' material most men will sought after.
Sounds like a virgin and not like dear cinna sis who's probably great in sex and admitted she had others ;)

Unfortunately, irony as it may sound, guy's instinct as a father looking for a lifelong mate and a mother for his children will pick that gf over dear cinna, who btw sound like someone who'll nag non-stop over and over again on issues.

Men won't marry you because you spend lots of time with him (my goodness!) and will pay for sex even if the wife can't provide enuff (even though we complain about it but still marry such a women).

My final advice to sis is to relax and just be non-exclusive, like him. Really really digest all there posts and learn how men THINKS. This thread ought to be a sticky in flowerpot man!

[SpankMeEasy]

But of cos....you are taking the effort to help. cinnamonmelts is a clever girl, just that her guy has himself around her for too long, now really melted together liao. I think the only way to make that guy choose her between the 2, is to have her walk away. He will come crawling, for sure. That princess of his will never satisfy his appetite, so there may be a chance for him to choose 'what's good for him'.

I think I watched too much 琼瑶 already. Life's a comedy anyway. ;)


Are there still ppl reading 琼瑶??? U r showing ur age, man! :D:p

Her books are tragedies, but I know what you mean by comedy.

I can't remember who said this, "Life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel".

琼瑶 obviously feels alot, and you sir is a thinking man.

[colins]

Are there still ppl reading 琼瑶??? U r showing ur age, man! :D:p

Her books are tragedies, but I know what you mean by comedy.

I can't remember who said this, "Life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel".

琼瑶 obviously feels alot, and you sir is a thinking man.

You are too generous with your compliments. Have to agree with the quote though, I think our spiritual self is so very sensitive that unless we have a shell to protect it, it can be hurt real bad. I mean, the world now isn't the kumpong we used to live in, people are either a lot more distanced or very invasive. There has been many studies to show that emotions is the cause to a lot of bad or even illogical decisions.

To cinnamonmelts, the longer you prolong this relationship, the harder you will get hurt when it is over. You may recover from it, but it will cause a change in you forever. Whether it is good or bad memories, the effect on your future is the same (good memories sets unrealistic expectations, bad memories gives you imaginary fear). I can't imagine the kind of shit you will give to your future bf or eventual hubby, simply becos you chose to be a 3rd party now and got hurt from it. All I can say is, he is going to be a sad man and he won't even know why.

And there you go, tragedy for the actors/actresses, comedy as a story.

[Cheonging101]

好草不怕回头吃=RTFs :D

I thought 琼瑶 also got write comedies? Isn't HuanZhuGeGe a comedy? You all only remember her earlier works like The Mute Wife, Green Green River Side Grass and what nots? You guys are old, man! :rolleyes:

Oh shit... how come I also remember? :eek:

Anyway, sis TS is displaying some serious masochistic tendencies. BTW, I'm also attached. So, if he is done toying with you and you still require more hurting, feel free to PM me, sis.

I've got some brilliant brain-fucking excuses and remarks that other 2-timers have yet to come up with.:p

[freezetheDB]

the guy just wants sex from TS

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....I thought 琼瑶 also got write comedies? Isn't HuanZhuGeGe a comedy?

It is a comedy. The latest 2nd installment is 还珠格格之风儿阵阵吹 and had just obtained an approval for broadcast by the State of Adminstration of Radio Film and Television 2 weeks ago..... :D

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....I can't imagine the kind of shit you will give to your future bf or eventual hubby, simply becos you chose to be a 3rd party now and got hurt from it. All I can say is, he is going to be a sad man and he won't even know why.

Not unless, he actually believe that NAGGING is essential for personal growth :D

[pqowie80]

Leave him before your life gets any worse. I'm sure there're lots of better guys out there. Why cling on to someone who doesn't love you? It takes 2 hands to clap. A r/s will only work if both parties are committed.

[newbieboy]

Deny him sex for a month and see how he feels about you. Then again, I've got a feeling you don't really want to know. Post a faceless nude picture to verify your desirability, just in case you're so ugly you don't have the right to whine in the first place. Nothing personal.

[dominic7]

....Post a faceless nude picture to verify your desirability, just in case you're so ugly you don't have the right to whine in the first place. Nothing personal.

i wud had upped you if i have some power :D

[RUNWEST]

no matter what happened to his r/s, you will NEVER be the one..
to him, you are just another FB that he can turn to./..

谈什么情， 说什么爱， 都是老二在做怪



Sis, i'm very sure that you will soon be in serious depression..
just take the bitter pill and let it go..
-delete his contact
-change your conatct
-delete your facebook, friendster and all social network

it will help to heal faster, do it for the sake for your family and those love one around you..

[terrible ted]

This guy is a priced catch. No wonder you are holding so tightly.
Enough of the talk. Time to walk it.

Tell his gf who you are. Get a decision. At least, if you lose, you wreck everything. You should pay the price. He should pay the price as well. The girl has to be sacrificed.

[RealEstateGuy]

i suggest you buy the book called "he's just not into you" or something close to that. you should give it up. he made a decision, the words arent going to do it. its the actions and the actions say he gave up on you and made the decision long ago. im sure there are other men who make you #1 and its better in the long run to be the prize rather than to chase someone else.

[Fatboy39]

I've been feeling very upset recently... Just wanna seek opinions of you guys, then perhaps I can better understand what's really going on in his mind... I'm in a very controversial situation, but I hope you guys don't scold me...

Ok, here it goes...

I'm involved with an attached guy. He's been with his gf for about 3-4 years? And my r/s with him started about 8 months ago...

I'm not sure if I want to bore you guys with the details now... The issue that is upsetting me a lot is... despite him still being with me, I can see that his gf is the one whom he wishes to marry ultimately. Initially, when I wanted a breakup, he still held me back. And I stayed on. However, after that, at a certain point in time, it felt so painful that I requested for a breakup again. That time, he didn't hold me back at all. He said stuff like, "I am happy with you, but I can't promise you anything. I also want you to be happy. It hurts me to see you in pain all the time. So I hope you can find a guy who truly gives you happiness." To me, that means he's choosing his gf over me. I can understand why, but somehow... I feel bitter about it as well... He can just let go of me THAT easily, after all we've been through. Why, after all that I've done for him, he still feels I'm not good enough? :( (Okok, I know he most probably has been through even more with his gf, since they've been together for so much longer... but... haiz...)

After some time, I've come to terms with it, that I'll never be the one he chooses to spend the rest of his life with. However, I know deep in my heart I'm still holding onto some hope... that one day he will change his mind... Haiz... It's really painful, but I find it so hard to let go... I really love him a lot, and would give so much for him, that's why I'm still holding on to this r/s... Times spent with him are really happy.

I know some of the guys here have been in such situations before... is it true that you will choose your gf over the "new lover" no matter what? Sighs... I've given a lot in this r/s, but it seems like I'm still not as good as her... I've been trying so hard... :(

I know I may sound foolish... but do you think he will ever change his mind? :(

My dear, with all do respect, you are just offering your self as a sex slave.
He's a two timer and what makes you think he will hang on to only you if you two have a future. For all you know he's a 3,4,5 or 69 timer. Have a little self respect and move on. I'm sure there is someone better out there just waiting for you.

Good Luck!

[kitari]

i wanted to have sex with him after that but he didn't want to.
i was like............. ???!!!

come out to play. must know when the boat is sinking. he is smart, sex with you again will make it more sticky. he already rejected you, so be done with it and accept his decision. you keep going in circles about if he loved you he would choose you. if you love him and he love his girlfriend more and he would be heartbroken and suffer emotionally from a break in a 3 yr relationship would you give him up because you REALLY love him?

point made. case closed.
no offense but you need logic to fight emotions.