How do you know if a girlfriend is a wife material? Is pre-nup a dealbreaker for you?

[randyrockhard]

I am currently in an early relationship with a traditional girl who is more successful than me in her career, and recently I lost my office job due to the downsizing of my company.

If I were to compare my working life with hers, well it's a bit world's apart. At the age of 32, she managed to self-financed a brand new condo, while I barely have any savings nor assets.

Both of us are foreigners working here in Singapore. In a way, I never thought of settling down here, most likely because of the exorbitant prices and the stressful life. While she has decided that she wants to settle down in Singapore.

We have been seeing each other for 3 months before we became a couple about 5 months ago. So far, I learned that she has quite a strong personality with a little bit of stubbornness inside, which is partly what drawn me to her in the first place. I like being intellectually stimulated by a woman.

In these duration of time, we never had sex nor get any further beyond the 2nd base, and even those were far & few in-between. She has clearly stated that she's a virgin and intend to remain one until marriage, and I respect that because I love her.

Now, usually ... my definition of a healthy relationship consists of 3 things: Friendship, Respect, Passion.

I somehow find that she doesn't seem to have that big of passion towards me, and it's making me a bit sad. Especially when I remember the instances, like when I asked her to become my girlfriend, she didn't say the word 'yes, of course' .. but "I will try". It wasn't really the kind of answer I was expecting, but I decided, let's give her the benefits of the doubt.

One month into the relationship, she had to go for an overseas business trip to the same city which I happen need to be visiting for a friends' wedding.
We stayed at different hotel throughout the entire trip, I already had my trip planned and so was she. On one weeknight, we were returning from dinner together and went to her hotel room, we started kissing and as I wanted to proceed further, she stopped me and said "Good night". I was shot down. lol
Too early?

The following month, she threw a small party at her place where I met her close friends for the first time. At one occasion, I offered to spoon-fed her the cake, to which she openly rejected and said flatly "You know I don't like cake". It's basically resulting in not giving me the face in front of everybody she knows, but I decided to let the episode passed. Only a week later, we had a discussion about it and I told her how it made me felt, and she admitted that she too felt bad about it and apologized for it.

There was always this sense of feeling that she's always a bit cold. Though she texted me daily, and always ask how my day was and everything.

I had a discussion about the lack of action and told her "When I look at other couples on the street, and when their girl is looking happily clinging on to her man, I asked myself why aren't my girl doing/feeling that? Are you happy being together with me?"

She said "Yes, I am happy with you, otherwise I wouldn't be with you"...

At the back of mind I thought "well ... you just said you are happy, but you didn't show that you are happy". On hindsight, I probably should have told her what I think and expect from herself.

About 2 months ago, she had a job offer from her company for an overseas role. She consulted me and I told her that I couldn't tell her to say no to the job, but I would be more than happy if she stays, and that we would work things out. To my surprise, she turned down the offer and told her boss that, part of the consideration was so that she could stay in Singapore to be closer to me.

Only last week it was announced that she just being promoted to a global level role in her company, which didn't help her mood. It's gonna be a stressful new role for her, but she didn't have any choice because she turned down the other role.

Sometimes, I wonder why I should continue being together with her. Don't get me wrong, she is being supportive about my situation and she even suggested that I should be keeping my options open, even if it means that I should be trying my luck overseas.

I am a bit depressed right now, especially being unemployed for a couple of months, which didn't do any good for my confidence.

We had some discussion about being serious about our relationship. However, she told me that her parents made her older sister sign a pre-nup with her husband.

I may not have much in Singapore, but overseas yes, I have a little bit. But what she suggested about pre-nup kind of terrified me. I can't even 'control' her under normal circumstances....I can't imagine during mad times

And to all brothers and sisters reading this,

How would you know if a girlfriend is a wife material? Is pre-nup a dealbreaker for you?

[diputs1269]

If your relationship with her is so stressful before marriages, I can't imagine how you going to survive after marriage. Maybe you should find another girl as reserve incase she dump you.

[Hurricane88]

TS, she din point the gun at you...you still have time to make decision...

A woman who is successful dun rely on bf...so nothing wrong with her...seems that you are the only one having other designs...

[JacqueMerlin]

TS
My advise:
1. Concentrate on your career. It seems your career is in shambles. Not a good sign. A career to a man is like a cock. You can't be without it.
2 pre nuptial agreement itself is a perversion toasts a relationship. A relationship is about enduring love. Not a set of contract to bind the 2 into agreement. You are marrying for love. Not entering the marriage for a career.
3. Your gf has all the traits of a disaster. She didn't turn down the job offer for you. It's for other reasons because she doesn't treat you as a normal bf, she got a better job opportunity but she turned it down for you... doesn't make sense.
4. Don't marry her. Break up and move on. Then concentrate on your career.

[HelloAngel]

You sound like a little dog waiting for his owner to come back from work to offer you love and affection and it's only been 5months of a relationship. Honestly, I don't think you should have a gf now. You need to find a job first and prove to her you have a stable job and can sustain the relationship. Dating needs money, even if eat in hawker centers. Your gf sounds like a strong character who needs someone strong to match her personality, otherwise you will always remain in the shadows and she may get bored of you. Esp in a global role where she is bound to meet many successful men and inevitably compare them to you. And if attend events with her, I am sure you don't want her to intro you as unemployed right?

Gals are gals. If they like you, they will hug, kiss and hold you willingly. No need to ask, esp in honeymoon period. I don't think she likes you that much, just being with you cos you asked and no other choices perhaps.. Just assuming based on a gal's pov.

Plus, gals like stronger men who can give them a sense of financial security in the long run. At least can afford a house but since you are foreigner means only can buy private. Work hard and the gals will come to you if you are successful. Good luck.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by HelloAngel

You sound like a little dog waiting for his owner to come back from work to offer you love and affection and it's only been 5months of a relationship. Honestly, I don't think you should have a gf now. You need to find a job first and prove to her you have a stable job and can sustain the relationship. Dating needs money, even if eat in hawker centers. Your gf sounds like a strong character who needs someone strong to match her personality, otherwise you will always remain in the shadows and she may get bored of you. Esp in a global role where she is bound to meet many successful men and inevitably compare them to you. And if attend events with her, I am sure you don't want her to intro you as unemployed right?

Gals are gals. If they like you, they will hug, kiss and hold you willingly. No need to ask, esp in honeymoon period. I don't think she likes you that much, just being with you cos you asked and no other choices perhaps.. Just assuming based on a gal's pov.

Plus, gals like stronger men who can give them a sense of financial security in the long run. At least can afford a house but since you are foreigner means only can buy private. Work hard and the gals will come to you if you are successful. Good luck.

Totally agree 100% wif sis HelloAngel's pov !! ...every single word tat she has written...unless u r a hunk or some1 who looks as handsome as James Bond perhaps u may be able to win her over in the end..

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by HelloAngel

You sound like a little dog waiting for his owner to come back from work to offer you love and affection and it's only been 5months of a relationship. Honestly, I don't think you should have a gf now. You need to find a job first and prove to her you have a stable job and can sustain the relationship. Dating needs money, even if eat in hawker centers. Your gf sounds like a strong character who needs someone strong to match her personality, otherwise you will always remain in the shadows and she may get bored of you. Esp in a global role where she is bound to meet many successful men and inevitably compare them to you. And if attend events with her, I am sure you don't want her to intro you as unemployed right?

Gals are gals. If they like you, they will hug, kiss and hold you willingly. No need to ask, esp in honeymoon period. I don't think she likes you that much, just being with you cos you asked and no other choices perhaps.. Just assuming based on a gal's pov.

Plus, gals like stronger men who can give them a sense of financial security in the long run. At least can afford a house but since you are foreigner means only can buy private. Work hard and the gals will come to you if you are successful. Good luck.

Well written and thanks.

[a2014]

TS, in my opinion, what you need to do now is to get a job first then talk about the rest later. The more you circle around your wound the more painful you will be.

You have to understand that a strong headed career woman is very different from a normal woman, you need to deal with her correctly if not you will become either very small and eventually being sideline even if you get married. Not that she don't love you but their love is very different from what you expect. Holding hand and intimacy is not anything within her mind and lets not talk about sex. One good thing is that you don't need to worry she will cheat behind your back as the belief they had in their mind once they settled down is very different from normal woman as they hardly need man to service her. One day you may feel that you have married a stranger no doubt sleeping on the same bed each on their own side.

Well you can still have a happy family with her but I guess it is the man part that plays a very big part as to how you condone this kind of character and still need to have your needs being satisfy looking at it elsewhere. Then eventually it becomes your fault regardless be it she is the one not servicing you. With man's ego, I guess most marriage of such will end in divorce.

She will probably the one looking after your future well being in terms of money and saving rather than you looking after the whole family wealth as being a career minded woman, money and power is everything.

You have to decide yourself what you want, do Take Care.

[demonhunter]

If she is totally madly in love with you ..... she would spread her legs apart invitingly within the first month

[hugs]

Originally Posted by demonhunter

If she is totally madly in love with you ..... she would spread her legs apart invitingly within the first month

And if you are truly madly in love with her.....you would tell her to close those legs.

[Qwiky]

prenup really count in singapore?really dont think so lei

[w00f]

Originally Posted by Qwiky

prenup really count in singapore?really dont think so lei

What talking u? Drank too much milk Liao in wetnam izzit !

[dickheadhunter]

Originally Posted by demonhunter

If she is totally madly in love with you ..... she would spread her legs apart invitingly within the first month

not funny lah GAN NI NA CHAO FAGGOT try telling that to your LAOBU and see if she agrees with you.

You can also tell that to your VIRGIN FAGGOT PARTNER.

[sunhuan-con]

A too strong and Independent woman is definitely not a wife material . She wont cook , wash , take care and respect you and parents.

[AndyQQ]

not suitable.. usually a woman like her is looking for someone interesting, able to earn decent income (around 10k) and yet able to give in to her.. I'm not saying ya not interesting don't get me wrong. I think someone who can sweep her off the feet