Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

SingViet · #1 06-01-2007, 05:09 PM

I have been discussing with some bros in the other Vietnam Thread about vietnamese life partners, their family and their way of life. i will think that its better for me to start a new thread on this than to hijack bro Lament's thread.

I will start by copying the few posts that has been discussed earlier in the other thread. I welcome more bros with vietnamese life partners to contribute to this thread. let's share our experience.

SingViet · #2 06-01-2007, 05:10 PM

By bro Torres Mok:

I think more and more singaporean men are marrying vietnamese gals,as compared to few years ago. I think mainly is due to many singaporean gals have set unrealistic requirements on selecting lifetime partners. because of this many men are looking for foreign gals.

SingViet · #3 06-01-2007, 05:11 PM

My earlier answer to bro Torres Mok:

Until recently, singaporeans have the idea that those singaporean man that marry vietnamese gals are lowly educated, hold low paying jobs and are those that singaporeans ladies reject. This may be true many years ago. But nowadays, many highly educated singapore man are marrying vietnamese ladies. I know of a few post graduate degree holders who married vietnamese ladies. Many diploma and degree holders are also marrying vietnamese gals. I will not comment too much on singapore gals, but it seems that singapore man are finding it difficult to accept the behaviour of singapore ladies.

very often, i am mistaken to have `purchased' my vietnamese wife when i introduced my wife to them. I have to tell them that i was in saigon doing business when i met my wife. Sometimes i am angry with them, but often, i don't blame them as they do not know vietnam enuff. many singaporeans claimed that they know vietnam very well, but when u ask them some simple questions about vietnam, they cannot even answer. I was chatting with my long lost classmate some days ago. He claimed that he knows vietnam `pretty well' and told me that he has been there a few times already since 2000. So i asked him which part of vietnam he has been to, his answer was ` ehhh... ehhhh... ehhhh..... i think its Ho Chi minh city' Don't blame them, its typical singaporean.

SingViet · #4 06-01-2007, 05:12 PM

comment from bro oldcar:

Very informative! But I think if I have read all that a few month back before I come to Vietnam, I will still be doing all the stupid thing I don't in last few month. Some how knowing it does not immune you from not falling for them!!!! And money is sure a problem, there no limit to it. Once you with them, they want their whole family to be living like your standard of living. So it not few hundred, few thousand, the more you earn the more they need!!! Even my boss here have problem, his wife is vietnamese, and the company cash book he holding now is never balance. One day the HK boss know of it he will be out.

SingViet · #5 06-01-2007, 05:14 PM

My comments:

Money is surely the biggest problem. Besides the normal monthly `pocket money' for the parents, there will be extra demand. This month will be the mother is sick and need money for medication, next month will be grandma's birthday and the month after next, the brother will want a new motorbike etc. The list is never ending. Vietnamese gals are sweet, their breast are warm, their suck will leave you dry.... but think of their other demands before you fall for them. It took me more than 2 years to convince my wife that her family is truely a burden to us and we should save more money for our children's education

SingViet · #6 06-01-2007, 05:15 PM

Question From Bro torres Mok:

I heard vietnamese gals will place their priority first for their family instead of their husbands or bfs, and I also heard they will not fall for a man at first sight?

SingViet · #7 06-01-2007, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingViet

Question From Bro torres Mok:

I heard vietnamese gals will place their priority first for their family instead of their husbands or bfs, and I also heard they will not fall for a man at first sight?

My answer to Bro Torres Mok question:

Its a widely accepted fact that vietnamese ladies place their family above their husbands. Every consideration is for their family first. But this can be changed thru time. Have lots of patience with your vietnamese wife and show her the correct way and correct thoughts. It may take some years, but eventually, i am sure that she will change and place you and your children first, above her family in vietnam.

I have gone thru the initial phase of marriage. During the 18 months of marriage, my wife placed her family above me and our children. Everything was for the mum, dad, brother, sister etc. Its frustrate me a lot. We argue almost every other day and i even thought of divorcing her. But for the sake of my children, i stayed on. I remember during our first trip back to singapore, my wife saw how singaporeans work so hard to earn a living. She saw how early my dad went to work. She started to realise that her family is really lazy. She didn't know before that foreigners slog so hard to earn a living. After that trip, her thinking started to change. I also explain to her about the different lifestyle and stress that singaporeans faced. Now, a few years later, my wife placed me and my children above her family.

As for falling for man during first sight, i am sure they do. But due to their hard life since young, they tend to fall for richer foreigners. You cannot blame them for placing wealth as top priority, but the reason why they want to marry out of vietnam is in search for a better life. A normal vietnamese village gal doesn't ask for much, just a man that loves her and can provide a simple life for her. You cannot imagine how hard is life in vietnamese province. Most of these provinces don't have drinking water and sanitary. They collect rain water in huge buckets for drinking, bathing etc. No proper roads but mud roads. This is how hard life is in the province. but of course, there are some better province like Can Tho, An giang and Vung Tau.

otamay · #8 06-01-2007, 06:04 PM

Frankly, nobody can blame foir actions. Their country had been in wars for a long time even though they have enjoy peace finally for the last 25years. But not enough economic success to see through most of the general population. So they are trying to break out of the poverty trap by marrying into a distant unknown land and with no friends or relatives. Admire their courage to outroot themselves to a new strange land, so call the promised land. The only thing they know is that in the new abode, promise of a life will be luxurious if not at least better than what they are in now. Sometimes to think of their predicament, its quite pitiful. Luckily we lived in a land of abundance without any natural disasters, should bless our lucky stars that we are being born here. Just my frank opinion....

casannova03 · #9 06-01-2007, 09:42 PM

hmmm interesting thread!! kudos to the thread starter!! was just contended to be a surfer till i saw this thread....haha y nevr ask bro lament to join in posting here he should be able to share some experience too haha!!

Anyway as mentioned in the earlier posts, it is 100% true that viet gals initially placed all their focus and attention on their family first. I too eperienced that and went thru some torrid time with my wifey due to this impt aspect.

However, after the birth of my baby, i went thru some bad patch and barely manage to survive ourself. During this period of time, i explain to my wife that for the past few occasions we were sending way too much money back to her family which were mainly for non-necessary things or reasons like buying new bike or handphone or whatever la!!

I pointed out to her that our cost of living here in Singapore is easily ten times or more than back in Vietnam and thats why they(her family ) have to learn how to live ten times lower the type of standard we have here. i am not being mean here by saying that they should just live like all the normal poor Viets. I mean i even built a 4-storey bungalow for her so you can see that i dun save on necessary things like a big house for her big family. But the thing is they DO NOT work and all they do is enjoy sit back relax and wait for "payday" sometimes twice monthly!!! where to find such a job????!!!

I told her that buy accomadating her family's requests, we aare in fact sending them a wrong msg that they can get whatever they want. all they have to do is to call and nag a few times and they will get it. So i told her we have to change it slowly but surely...

She saw my point and where i was coming from and till now we are slowly changing her family's spending habit. We only give back enough to pay the bills and for sufficient food. All luxury spending were stopped or rejected. Because my wife told them i was out of job and had to pay back compensation of over 80k sing dollars!! Guessed they saw the severity of the situation although it was not really that bad la...haha..

Now i implanted the idea of being self sufficient to my wofe who in turn told her family that. Some money have been sent back to start some small business like repairing motor and what naught. They cannot get rich but at least they are self sufficient and whatever they need they have to learn to save and get it themselves now...AND this definitely has lifted a HELL lot of pressure off me now..

well the situation is definitely getting better now.....gonna go back and check on where my money is being spent this chinese year haha...no la seriously its to bring my baby back to visit grandparents la
...
Any bro going back????

SingViet · #10 07-01-2007, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casannova03

hmmm interesting thread!! kudos to the thread starter!! was just contended to be a surfer till i saw this thread....haha y nevr ask bro lament to join in posting here he should be able to share some experience too haha!!

Anyway as mentioned in the earlier posts, it is 100% true that viet gals initially placed all their focus and attention on their family first. I too eperienced that and went thru some torrid time with my wifey due to this impt aspect.

However, after the birth of my baby, i went thru some bad patch and barely manage to survive ourself. During this period of time, i explain to my wife that for the past few occasions we were sending way too much money back to her family which were mainly for non-necessary things or reasons like buying new bike or handphone or whatever la!!

I pointed out to her that our cost of living here in Singapore is easily ten times or more than back in Vietnam and thats why they(her family ) have to learn how to live ten times lower the type of standard we have here. i am not being mean here by saying that they should just live like all the normal poor Viets. I mean i even built a 4-storey bungalow for her so you can see that i dun save on necessary things like a big house for her big family. But the thing is they DO NOT work and all they do is enjoy sit back relax and wait for "payday" sometimes twice monthly!!! where to find such a job????!!!

I told her that buy accomadating her family's requests, we aare in fact sending them a wrong msg that they can get whatever they want. all they have to do is to call and nag a few times and they will get it. So i told her we have to change it slowly but surely...

She saw my point and where i was coming from and till now we are slowly changing her family's spending habit. We only give back enough to pay the bills and for sufficient food. All luxury spending were stopped or rejected. Because my wife told them i was out of job and had to pay back compensation of over 80k sing dollars!! Guessed they saw the severity of the situation although it was not really that bad la...haha..

Now i implanted the idea of being self sufficient to my wofe who in turn told her family that. Some money have been sent back to start some small business like repairing motor and what naught. They cannot get rich but at least they are self sufficient and whatever they need they have to learn to save and get it themselves now...AND this definitely has lifted a HELL lot of pressure off me now..

well the situation is definitely getting better now.....gonna go back and check on where my money is being spent this chinese year haha...no la seriously its to bring my baby back to visit grandparents la
...
Any bro going back????

I am happy to find one more bro sharing his experience about Vietnamese spouse. I too share the same tactic. My wife have been telling her family that our business is not doing well and we are very very tight financially. We feel that its better to let the family feel that we are poor, maybe poorer than them, so that they will not keep asking us for financial aid. Like that was said, they do not work and just wait there for PAY DAY. If got such good job, i also want.

About going back for New year, not me.... at least for this and next year. Maybe wait till 2009.

cscs · #11 07-01-2007, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingViet

My earlier answer to bro Torres Mok:

Until recently, singaporeans have the idea that those singaporean man that marry vietnamese gals are lowly educated, hold low paying jobs and are those that singaporeans ladies reject. This may be true many years ago. But nowadays, many highly educated singapore man are marrying vietnamese ladies. I know of a few post graduate degree holders who married vietnamese ladies. Many diploma and degree holders are also marrying vietnamese gals. I will not comment too much on singapore gals, but it seems that singapore man are finding it difficult to accept the behaviour of singapore ladies.

very often, i am mistaken to have `purchased' my vietnamese wife when i introduced my wife to them. I have to tell them that i was in saigon doing business when i met my wife. Sometimes i am angry with them, but often, i don't blame them as they do not know vietnam enuff. many singaporeans claimed that they know vietnam very well, but when u ask them some simple questions about vietnam, they cannot even answer. I was chatting with my long lost classmate some days ago. He claimed that he knows vietnam `pretty well' and told me that he has been there a few times already since 2000. So i asked him which part of vietnam he has been to, his answer was ` ehhh... ehhhh... ehhhh..... i think its Ho Chi minh city' Don't blame them, its typical singaporean.

I fully agreed with you. Some so claim visit there many time is just happen to be there for a tour. Hardly understand Vietnam in full.

raiders · #12 07-01-2007, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casannova03

well the situation is definitely getting better now.....gonna go back and check on where my money is being spent this chinese year haha...no la seriously its to bring my baby back to visit grandparents la
...
Any bro going back????

Hey brother, I'll be going back with my gf to visit her parents near CNY. Will stay in Saigon for a day for transit on the 11th of Feb. When will you be in VN?

SingViet · #13 07-01-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raiders

Hey brother, I'll be going back with my gf to visit her parents near CNY. Will stay in Saigon for a day for transit on the 11th of Feb. When will you be in VN?

Yo bro,

Going to your gf's province during CNY is HIGH EXPENSE leh. This is from a few years of experience. You better prepare lots of 50,000 VND and 100,000 VND notes on standby. Basically, you will become their GOD OF FORTUNE. If you are lucky, only half the village will come meet you.

I remember my first CNY in my wife's province, i spent more than S$700. But of course, it included lots of ang pao and also buying things for my in-laws. (amount excluded ang pao to my parents-in-law and also transportation cost). If you plan to rent a car to go the province, you better ask your gf to book the car now. If too late, no car for rental. Depending on how far is your gf's province, the car rental cost can be up to S$200 or more.

Sha_Gua75 · #14 07-01-2007, 02:09 PM

Reporting In!!!!

But Nothing To Share SO Far....Not Yet Married

raiders · #15 07-01-2007, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SingViet

Yo bro,

Going to your gf's province during CNY is HIGH EXPENSE leh. This is from a few years of experience. You better prepare lots of 50,000 VND and 100,000 VND notes on standby. Basically, you will become their GOD OF FORTUNE. If you are lucky, only half the village will come meet you.

I remember my first CNY in my wife's province, i spent more than S$700. But of course, it included lots of ang pao and also buying things for my in-laws. (amount excluded ang pao to my parents-in-law and also transportation cost). If you plan to rent a car to go the province, you better ask your gf to book the car now. If too late, no car for rental. Depending on how far is your gf's province, the car rental cost can be up to S$200 or more.

Yo brother, I know must spend some money during this trip. But dont't worry too much. Her parents knows Im not rich ma.

Her province is a more well to do one (As I was typing this, my gf told me her province is a CITY, not a province) And for a family who can spend about 25k to send her here to Singapore to study, I dont think they are the needy type.