Emotional affair - is this the case

[partydude]

I have a PA assigned and she has been working with me close to 5 years.

Some fact patttern:

1. Initial years due to Covid, work and communication was mainly virtual
2. We get along very well and and she is deemed to be a very efficient and effective worker
3. Got closer over the years, we do have daily text chats sometimes into late at night. I checked my chat history, hardly no day with no chats
4. Conversation mainly 60-70% work but often spilled to about friends and common interest
5. Common interest is food and drinks also travel. We exchanged food places and sometimes we go for drinks especially when there is office event. She will wait for me and join together. But we don’t get stuck together and do mix around
6. Conversation never go into spousal issues (though she shared some issues on disagreements with hubby) nor sexual in nature.
7. She normally hop a lift from my car for official functions but not exclusive
8. We have regular business travel in groups or sometimes only two of us. Had time for dinner and drinks but never anything in appropriate, though once (she was high not drunk), we held hand together and held my arm. But after a while, we stopped maybe realizing it could lead to tricky situation.
9. She did share a lot about her past relationships. Think I know all her past relationships. Somehow I did share as well
10. In daily chats, most of the time, we also exchanged what we are doing and i almost know who she meets for dinner, tea or lunch etc.
11. One or two times, did touch some sensitive topics when she asked my advice for a Chinese name for her son. Hubby wasn’t happy so she did not pursue. I also learnt to avoid such tricky situation asking her to seek guidance from spouse rather. She also bought a car that I recommended although hubby disapproved.

I was just thinking where lines have been crossed. I have read about emotional affairs. There seem to be a blur line being good friends and emotional affairs.

See what are the thoughts here.

[oxeso]

U too free, think too much liao.. it's common af for close friends of diff sexes, u noob..

[jhoho]

It seemed like you both maintained pretty good boundaries so far, I don't see any indication of emotional affair.

If anything, you seem very cautious to avoid an affair and so is she, which is good. However this is the pitfall in every opposite sex (straight) relationship, never know when can cross into unwanted territory (affair) or maybe wanted, I don't know.

Normally happens when: curious/horny/lonely, unhappy with spouse etc. So, either keep the boundary good if you dont want anything to happen... or the opposite.

[Xgenre]

She wants to develop but has no surefire way to upgrade the relationship. Giving clues along the way to prompt you to be the one suggesting more. Then she can act blur and not seem so easy to get.

But once touched, you can never go back to life as it is now. So what's the main attraction? Her body for sex? If so, many younger girls available here for $200 per shot. You wish to live happily ever after her? Are you ready for the fallout at work and in your personal life as she goes through the divorce process? She comes with a son so the link with her current husband will also be there

[mysteriousNM1]

Originally Posted by partydude

I have a PA assigned and she has been working with me close to 5 years.

Some fact patttern:

1. Initial years due to Covid, work and communication was mainly virtual
2. We get along very well and and she is deemed to be a very efficient and effective worker
3. Got closer over the years, we do have daily text chats sometimes into late at night. I checked my chat history, hardly no day with no chats
4. Conversation mainly 60-70% work but often spilled to about friends and common interest
5. Common interest is food and drinks also travel. We exchanged food places and sometimes we go for drinks especially when there is office event. She will wait for me and join together. But we don’t get stuck together and do mix around
6. Conversation never go into spousal issues (though she shared some issues on disagreements with hubby) nor sexual in nature.
7. She normally hop a lift from my car for official functions but not exclusive
8. We have regular business travel in groups or sometimes only two of us. Had time for dinner and drinks but never anything in appropriate, though once (she was high not drunk), we held hand together and held my arm. But after a while, we stopped maybe realizing it could lead to tricky situation.
9. She did share a lot about her past relationships. Think I know all her past relationships. Somehow I did share as well
10. In daily chats, most of the time, we also exchanged what we are doing and i almost know who she meets for dinner, tea or lunch etc.
11. One or two times, did touch some sensitive topics when she asked my advice for a Chinese name for her son. Hubby wasn’t happy so she did not pursue. I also learnt to avoid such tricky situation asking her to seek guidance from spouse rather. She also bought a car that I recommended although hubby disapproved.

I was just thinking where lines have been crossed. I have read about emotional affairs. There seem to be a blur line being good friends and emotional affairs.

See what are the thoughts here.

maybe it's the part that touches each other that becomes the blurred line. and maybe you yourself are afraid to clarify your own feelings, so you both want to cross the line, but are also afraid of crossing the line

[blackdevil]

Watched a movie once...somewhat similar situation and he confessed to his wife that he had an "emotional entanglement"....i guess his narrative was he could untangle himself....

[jhoho]

Originally Posted by blackdevil

Watched a movie once...somewhat similar situation and he confessed to his wife that he had an "emotional entanglement"....i guess his narrative was he could untangle himself....

I don't see any entanglement, TS seems to have maintained pretty good boundary and has not given any information on how he is entangled. If the girl side entangle herself, well that's their own interpretation.

[partydude]

Originally Posted by mysteriousNM1

maybe it's the part that touches each other that becomes the blurred line. and maybe you yourself are afraid to clarify your own feelings, so you both want to cross the line, but are also afraid of crossing the line

I did casually ask her the morning after whether she remembers what happen last night. She said yes. But we left it as such and never uttered a word about that evening again.

[jhoho]

Originally Posted by partydude

I did casually ask her the morning after whether she remembers what happen last night. She said yes. But we left it as such and never uttered a word about that evening again.

Sounds like a potential breach of boundary. The question is, do you want a breach or not? You seem like you maintained a good boundary. What is bothering you? You want to cross the line or don't want to cross the line?

[fizo87]

Originally Posted by jhoho

Sounds like a potential breach of boundary. The question is, do you want a breach or not? You seem like you maintained a good boundary. What is bothering you? You want to cross the line or don't want to cross the line?

confusing wkwkwk

[blahzzz]

Originally Posted by partydude

I did casually ask her the morning after whether she remembers what happen last night. She said yes. But we left it as such and never uttered a word about that evening again.

Control on both sides, but yet the tension bubbling beneath. Will it erupt one day?

[fator6]

stop it once and for all

[dman19]

Best end it. Affair with PA never end well, unless you and her are both single. Even so, its still super unhealthy for your work. Imagine she got so many chips that can affect you if things go wrong…

[godlikealamak]

That's right. If it's dangerous it won't be fun anymore. it's better to end it

[SugerU]

Originally Posted by blackdevil

Watched a movie once...somewhat similar situation and he confessed to his wife that he had an "emotional entanglement"....i guess his narrative was he could untangle himself....

like turning yourself in to the police if it's like this. and not all wifes appreciate that honesty