Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[winniepeg]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Just received...

Yes thank you very much, you Greedy White Bastards

[Hurricane88]

Senior Sex -- This is the funniest thing I have ever read .......
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

[malaysiapig]

Happy weekend

[Orange22]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Hahahahaa good one bro!

[Hurricane88]

Hotly received just mow...

*Man makes hilarious complaint to IKEA*
When Norwegian Claus Jørstad had an embarrassing incident in the shower with his newly bought IKEA stool, he decided to share his experience in a humorous Facebook post.

What he didn’t know was that the story would become an internet sensation.

What happened was that Claus Jørstad had a bad knee, so he decided that it would be a good idea to get a stool so he could sit down in the shower.

After looking at different alternatives at IKEA, he decided to go for the “Marius” stool since it was made out of steel and plastic, and was comfy.

But there was one thing that Claus had forgotten about: the stool had 8 small holes in it, something that would soon cause an uncomfortable problem. On his Norwegian Facebook page, he writes about the incident:

_“Once I got home, I put my new piece of furniture in the shower and got in, this time without clothes. I calmly sat down on the stool and soaped up my whole body, including the ‘captain’ and his ‘two sailors’. As you might imagine, the sailors are what dangles between my legs, but since this is a public Facebook post I’ll stick to more flowery language.”_

_“So, when the deck got slippery and the captain and his crew got dizzy from all the foam, they started sliding around like drunk sailors!”_ ]Claus writes, and continues:

_“Then something terrible happened. A sailor unwittingly made his escape and slid down one of the holes in the stool. I didn’t notice at first, but as you know things tend to expand when they are warmed up. And when a sailor gets really hot, then he really expands in size. I didn’t notice this until I tried standing up, only to find that the stool was hanging on behind me, and a searing white pain went through me like lightning. That good-for-nothing sailor was stuck in the hole!”_

_“So there I sat. And sat. I was thinking about my predicament and trying to figure a way out of it. I couldn’t pull up the sailor, and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to push him up from below without having to go to the hospital. So I kept sitting there, pondering,”_ Claus writes.

But as he was sitting there in the accidental trap, the problem started solving itself:

_“I sat there until I ran out of hot water – and when the hot water runs out, you get cold, terribly cold.”_ he writes, and continues:

_“Since I started getting cold, I thought about how I could keep warm, so I tried reaching for the hair dryer… and guess what happened?!? The cold had made that damn sailor shrink again, and with a pop I was a free man once more!”_

The honest story made readers double over with laughter, and in just one day he received 25,000 likes and 12,000 shares. On the same day, IKEA wrote an ingenious Facebook comment:

_“Hello Claus. We’re sorry to hear that your crew got in trouble and that the Coast Guard almost had to intervene. We recommend you take this stool out of the shower and put a nice flower pot on it.
If you do decide to keep it in the shower, then make sure that you’re wearing the right clothing for a rough day at sea – we recommend putting on a sou’wester. Have a great day,”_ writes IKEA.

I think this was a great example of someone able to laugh at themselves!

[Nov4]

Funny clip


https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AduXcGOKRjs

Drunk Tooth Fairy

[HKCAD]

Originally Posted by Nov4

Funny clip


https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AduXcGOKRjs

Drunk Tooth Fairy

Thanks for sharing.

[Hurricane88]

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[dyelook]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring
at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee...

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room.

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?", he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

Yes, I do", she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?"

'Yes, I remember", says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.

Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
"Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?""

'I remember that also", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have been released today if only I took the right decision!

[dyelook]

Telemarketing Call from a bank:

Hello Mam... We can offer you a Credit Card with the best deals.

1. No annual charges
2. No interest on balance for three months
3. Huge credit limit
4. No penalties for over spending

A Point-wise reply by the lady: No thanks... I have a husband...

1. Lifetime Zero Fee
2. No spending limit
3. No penalty.
Nothing and more importantly...
4. No repayment forever.

Line got disconnected in a jiffy without a word.

[SirLance]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very good joke. Thanks.

[ah rat]

______________

[malaysiapig]

Something to relax before starting a new week
Cheer ..

[SirLance]

Pls keep the jokes coming and thank you for sharing.