The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by littlelephant

Point noted, maybe sometimes it's not who you end up with but who you have been with its the moments enjoyed the process that is memorable rather then the end of the day the results that matters.

It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all.

That's what I keep telling myself after not marrying the person I love the most but someone whom I thought was better for me.

Marrying the person you love the most may not be the best thing. I still meet up with the person I love the most (that I did not marry) and still get hurt by her frequently. Given the choice again, I still would not marry her as I love her too much and get hurt too easily by her.

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Marrying the person you love the most may not be the best thing. I still meet up with the person I love the most (that I did not marry) and still get hurt by her frequently. Given the choice again, I still would not marry her as I love her too much and get hurt too easily by her.

That was very insightful...it seems that the one we love most, hurts us the worst too...

JWNY

[primalhunter]

Originally Posted by JWNY

That was very insightful...it seems that the one we love most, hurts us the worst too...

JWNY

So so true......Really hurts when we fight! But I always remind myself and also my wife that in order to love someone, we must take the good and the bad. When one of us step out of line, I tell myself that, this is just the way she is, or vice versa. To remember that we are our each others best friend, confidant and most importantly LOVER. I always joke with my wife that what separates our relationship with our relationship with our other best friends is that I m only SCREWING her and not them. What i really meant was the intimacy we share between us. Fear of hurt shoud never divide a couple.

[primalhunter]

oh ya, forgot to say, my wife is the woman i love most but I don't think that i am the man she loves most in her life. I knew the guy. But like i said b4, move on, dun look back. especially when she has given me a beautiful son and so devoted to our family now. who am i to question her love for me. no point. we will never be able to quantify love.

[Thai Rak Thai]

As usual..take from somewhere else ...but intention same loh..to share

Marry for yourself, not for someone else.

Elementary, my dear Watson.

Surely we have grown beyond marrying to please our parents or our friends. Yet in first marriages, people often marry to please their parents or friends. They marry the person they love the most who also pleases their family and friends.

In second marriages, people are often concerned with pleasing their children (even their grown children) instead of their family and friends.

But you are the one living with the new partner, not your children. Even young children will leave home and start their own lives eventually. And grown children usually get over it!

This doesn't mean you should not listen to your children. They may see things that you, that person in lust at the time, are missing.

Hear them out. Thoroughly investigate their concerns.

Then follow your own heart.

Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high!

Will the real marriage please stand up?

Anyone who thinks that marriage is composed of magic, bliss, and excitement is headed for disappointment. Those marriages and relationships only exist in romance novels, movies or television, wild promises on the internet, and personal ads.

In real life, marriage is about reciprocity and power.

Reciprocity

The husband gets what he wants in the marriage by giving his wife what she wants.

The wife gets what she wants in the marriage by giving her husband what he wants.

Neither husband nor wife ever gets 100% of what he/she wants in any marriage.

Marriage partners provide mutual support and help each other with mundane problems. They compliment each other and both contribute to the marriage, often by compromise.

The couple may dance by candlelight but it is after the dishes are washed, the lawn is mowed, and their day-to-day problems are solved.

Fantasy marriages take place with perpetual romance in the moonlight. Real marriages take place in the everyday world. They are never so glamorous.

Romantic love always ends in a power struggle within the marriage. All couples go from romantic love to a less infatuated stage that heralds the onset of that struggle.

Romantic love can last a few weeks or even a few years, but, eventually lust or romantic love will begin to wane...

No marriage can avoid the power struggle as the couple decides who takes out the garbage, who washes the car, who balances the checkbook, who walks the dog, etc. This power struggle can continue for years as the lives of the couple pass through various phases.

Package

Everyone is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special." When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little to no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.

When you want a fantasy, you dream up a prince or princess, all wonderful. No person or relationship can live up to that dream.

So, the truth is, marriages are not made in heaven; marriages are made by two committed people right here on earth.

Thai rak Thai , dont quote the whole post, wait kana zap by the boss, btw i just got married 3 week ago just back from honeymoon, i'm lucky i married the 1 i love the most but sometime still steal eat outside once in the blue moon, a cheongters always a cheongters.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Thai Rak Thai

Everyone is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special." When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little to no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.

Perfect Quote! Perfect Sense!

It is a package deal. Just that I took the deal that had less romantic love and therefore sacrificed the one I loved the most.

The package with my current wife was more feasible at that time. Still is the most feasible now... no sex now but at least I have my kid.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Originally Posted by vesfreq

There are no more fairy tales. Waking up each day is a nightmare .... bad enough. Knowing that these nightmares run in series makes it worse.

A nightmare that we can't wake up from is certainly a very bad dream. Can't wait to wake up, even if there are no fairy tales to witness or experience.

we have to wake up and life still carries on,even if we know the fact fairy tales do not exist.Perhaps it is the fact that some do believe in miracles & "Fate" which happens to be beyond our control.I always believe in not expecting too much cos it will only lead to much more disappointment.

[asdfghjkl]

Originally Posted by primalhunter

my wife is the woman i love most

lucky man i must say!

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Originally Posted by surfer888

The package with my current wife was more feasible at that time. Still is the most feasible now... no sex now but at least I have my kid.

what matters most is the feasibility is still there.I was reading ur posts and chanced upon ur signature,will up u with my humble points once my power is regained.

[primalhunter]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

lucky man i must say!

Thanks bro. It took me ten years, (sitting on the sidelines) to convince her that i trully love her. Was really an all out womanizer before. She once said that the whole reason i m still hovering over her was because she was the one that i could never get!!! Man, i mend my ways from then and well, the rest is history.... do u know that right after the first time we made love.... she said to me that i could get over her now and go back to my old ways!!! wow, that was trully a reflection of wat a jerkoff i used to be. Alas, its coming to over 5th yr of marriage (can't say it is smooth sailing) and she blessed me with a wonderful boy. Looking back, it was a tough 10 yrs but worth every second of it.

[asdfghjkl]

nice to hear that.. prima! then when you discover her love for that one...

[primalhunter]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

nice to hear that.. prima! then when you discover her love for that one...

It is history. The guy was a good fren of mine she was pining for secretly. They were together briefly secretly as the guy has a steady. She stopped seeing him after he chose to stay with his steady. All the time i knew he was playing her but could not do anything cos i was this asshole of a guy to her that she wouldn't trust if her life depends on it.

My fren, well, i had a tiff with him after that bcos he was equally a bastard as me, knew her weakness for him and took advantage of her. We are no longer frens as he knows very well how i feel about her.... and u know all the time i was pining for her, he had the cheek to tell me to not give up!!! All the 10 years!! then do this behind my back!!! ASSHOLE!

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Shuang_Jie_Gun

what matters most is the feasibility is still there.I was reading ur posts and chanced upon ur signature,will up u with my humble points once my power is regained.

It can be quite sad at times when I think of the one whom I love the most. She still comes to SG once in a while and we do have our rendezvous but she still breaks my heart after almost 10 years.

One of the main reasons I did not marry her was that it was not feasible, too high maintenance and her love for me is probably just a small fraction of what I have for her. It would probably kill me if we were married.

Upped you in advance for the consolation.

[primalhunter]

sorry to hear that bro surfer.... but u are right, unless u can accept that her love is not anywhere near to how u love her.... would be tough. took me a while to accept that. but curious enough, some women tend to grow or cultivate love for their partners along the way better than guys.

most guys, i find, start to get disinterested or move on to more important functions like putting food on the table and paying the bills etc.( i am one of them) so, who knows, maybe she is the one although i put a full stop on high maintenance women, be it money or time!!! too much pain, to the heart and the wallet!!