Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[kegerator]

Thank you for sharing nice jokes.

[kostastsmikas]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Lee's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear. Shocked by this,Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Lee's wife, Sue, followed and asked, *Did you see anything that you like under there?*

Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, he did.

Sue said, *Well, you can have it but it will cost you $250.*

Jim confirmed that he is very interested. Sue told him that since her husband Lee played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Lee's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum, they went to the bedroom, and Sue gave him a flipping great time. Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Lee came home from golf at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: *Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?*

With a lump in her throat Sue answered, *Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.* Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, *Did he give you $250?*

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, *Well, yes, in fact he did.*

*Lee, with a satisfied look on his face, continued, 'Good. He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $250 from me. He promised he'd stop by this afternoon and pay it back.*

*Now THAT, my friends, is how poker should be played...*🤣😄

Very nice joke.

[DiogoPang]

Thanks to all who posted and shared great jokes.

[sytlover2]

Very nice joke. Hope to hear more from u bro

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[ah rat]

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[Zaloh]

Originally Posted by ah rat

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Worse than getting virus. Nice share bro!

[Hurricane88]

In a rural program, for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of *Mad Cow disease* , arranged for an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.

This “TRUE” interview went as follows:

*The lady reporter* : “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”

*Farmer*

The farmer stared at the reporter and said: “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

*Reporter* : (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

*Farmer* : “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”

*Reporter* : “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”

*Farmer*: “I am getting to the point, Miss.” “Just imagine, if I was playing with your breasts twice a day... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't YOU get mad?”

*THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED* 🤡🤡🤡

You are a lucky few to receive this report... from the embarrassed lady reporter.

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

It's not an adults only joke 😀

😜😂😂
*A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.*

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

*Principal:* What is 3+3?

*Boy:* 6.

*Principal:* 6+6.

*Boy:* 12.

The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

*Boy:* Legs.

*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?

*Boy:* Pockets.

*Madam:* What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

*Boy:* Coconut.

*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

*Boy:* Bubble gum.

*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

*Boy:* Tent.

*The principal was looking restless*

*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

*Boy:* Wedding ring.

*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

*Boy:* Nose.

*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

*Boy:* Arrow.

*Principal:* O MY GOD.

*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

*Boy:* Fork.

*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

*Boy:* Surname.

*Principal:* Ohooo !

*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

*Boy:* Heart.

*Principal:* Eeeeeh ! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

*LOL !. Don't spoil the fun & share with friends*

[SBMEDSUP]

Nice joke from bro Hurricane.

[Thorgan]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I like this one LMAO

[Hurricane88]

*Glass* takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

*Gold* is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years.

*When a person dies* hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

*Your tongue* is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

*The tooth* is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

*If you stop getting thirsty* , you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

*Zero* is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

*Kites* were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

*The song Auld Lang Syne* is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

*Drinking water* after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent. Drinking a glass of water before you eat may help digestion and curb appetite.

*Peanut oil* is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

*The roar* that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

*Nine out of every 10* living things live in the ocean.

*The banana* cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

*Airports* at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

*The University of Alaska* spans four time zones.

*In ancient Greece* , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

*Warner Communications* paid 28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday, which was written in 1935!

*Intelligent people* have more zinc and copper in their hair.

* A comet’s tail* always points away from the sun.

*Caffeine* increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

*The military salute* is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

*If you get into the bottom* of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

*In ancient times * strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

*Strawberries and cashews* are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

*Avocados* have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

*The moon* moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

*The Earth gets 100 tons* heavier every day due to falling space dust.

*Due to earth's gravity* it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

*Mickey Mouse * is known as "Topolino" in Italy.

*Soldiers* do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

*Everything* weighs one percent less at the equator.

*For every extra kilogram* carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at
lift-off.

*The letter J* does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

[alisonw]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

This is very true hehe

[Hurricane88]

400 passengers and only 200 meals were loaded on a Amritsar to Toronto flight.
The airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix! However, one smart flight attendant had an idea!
About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announced : "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know how this happened but we have 400 passengers on board & only 200 dinners! Anyone who is kind enough to give up his / her meal for someone else, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight!"
Her next announcement came 6 hours later : "Ladies and Gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 200 meals available!"
Moral of the Story : People who drink have very kind hearts.
Please Respect them... 😂🍻😂