Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[gramsby]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

The teacher will make it soft?

[Hurricane88]

Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate of The Tokyo Olympic Stadium
"McTavish, Scotland ," he says,
"Discus," and in he walks.

An Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England ," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks.

Then an Indian looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"Surjit Singh, India ," he says, "Fencing."
😂🤣😂

[Hurricane88]

*OUR FATHER?* Whose Father is He?
REALLY?

A beggar came asking for food. I told him to come around to the back door and asked him to sit on the floor while I went in to bring the left over food.

I brought him food & said, "let's pray. Now repeat after me," *Our FATHER in Heaven*".

He said, " *Your Father in Heaven*".

I said " *No, say OUR FATHER in Heaven*".

He again said,
" *Your Father in Heaven*"!!!

This extremely Irritated me! I asked why do you say 'Your' father when I say 'Our' FATHER?'

He said, "Sir, it's like this.
If I say Our FATHER, then we both become brothers.
If we are brothers, you would invite me in through the front door and not the back; you would ask me to sit at your dining table not on the floor; you'd also not give me stale food !
Sir, somehow it's not possible that we are sons of the same father! He may be your Father, but he can't be OUR father! Whose FATHER is He?

It took a beggar to teach me the truth!!!
*GOD becomes our FATHER when we treat one another as brothers and sisters.*

May GOD Bless us all. 🙏🙏🙏

[Hurricane88]

[ah rat]

____________________

[SBMEDSUP]

Laughter best medicine. So need more jokes.

[ah rat]

_____________

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[warbird]

An Old Retired Sailor

Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times’ sake and some hot sex.

He engages a lovely prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Norman, ya old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'

[Masterl23]

Originally Posted by warbird

An Old Retired Sailor

Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times’ sake and some hot sex.

He engages a lovely prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Norman, ya old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back.'

Love this joke, really funny. Share more bro.

[Hurricane88]

*Mistake Management*

His Phone rang in church by accident during prayers...

The Pastor scolded him.

The worshippers admonished him after prayer for interrupting the silence.

His wife kept on lecturing him on his carelessness till they reached home.

You could see the shame, embarrassment and humiliation on his face.

*He has never stepped foot in the church ever again.*

That evening, he went to a bar.

He was still nervous and trembling.

He spilled his drink on the table by accident.

The waiter apologized, gave him a napkin to clean himself up.

The janitor also mopped the floor.

The female manager offered him a complimentary drink.

She also gave him a huge hug and kissed him while saying "Don't worry man. Who doesn't make a mistake?"

*He has never stopped going to that bar since then*

🥃😇

*Management Lesson"*

*"You can make a difference by how you treat people especially when they make mistakes."*
😂😂

[Hurricane88]

I need advice. Something is happening in my home and I cannot continue to die in silence.

Two years ago, my Neighbour bought a 65 inches Television and my Wife said I should also buy a 65 inches Television. I bought it.

A few months later, my Neighbour bought a Lexus Jeep for his Wife and my Wife insisted that I must buy her a Lexus Jeep too. I bought it.

As if that was not enough, my Neighbour changed his living room furnitures lasts year and my Wife said she liked their new Furnitures and that I should also change our own. I changed them.

Two weeks ago, my Neighbour married a new Wife. Very beautiful young girl. But my wife has been acting as if she has not seen my Neighbour's new Wife.

One mind is telling me to inform my wife that our Neighbour has married a new Wife.

It's been Two weeks and I have been waiting for my wife to tell me to get a second wife but she is just quiet as if she is not aware that my Neighbour married another Wife.
Should I remind her?
🙄🙄🤔🤔🤔🤔🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️😂

[garion]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Should I remind her?
🙄🙄🤔🤔🤔🤔🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️😂

he should just for the heck of it!

[Hurricane88]

*ADULT JOKES FOR THE LOCKED-DOWN*
If you are not an adult or do not appreciate adult jokes, please don't go any further 😁


*Question: Why is the "69" position also called the "smokers' position?"*
_Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray._

*Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive than blood donation?*
_Answer: Because it's HANDMADE !_

*An old man married a young girl. On the wedding night he showed five fingers to his wife.*
Young girl: Ooh.. Darling! 5 times?
*Old man: No dear, choose which one you prefer to start with.*

*Question: What is the smallest hotel in the world?*
_Answer: It's Vagina Inn. Because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant and 2 pieces of baggage outside!_

*2 prostitutes were in a taxi, on their way home after "work".*
Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!
Bitch 2 : Sorry, I burped!

*Man went to the chemist to buy 1/4 of a Viagra.*
Chemist said, "It would be useless."
_Man said, "I am 90, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes"._

*Reporter: Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you care to comment on this?*
_Man: The truth is that she has a big mouth!_

*What is the similarity between a swimming pool and a wife?*
_For both, we pay high maintenance for the little time we spend in them._

*Love is a complicated piece of machinery.*
_Sometimes, all you need is a good screw to fix it._

*What's the difference between biology and sociology?*
_Answer: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology._
_When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology._

*Whoever first said that "A dog is man's best friend" has never seen a pussy before.*

*Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"*
_God said, "Okay" and Poof! Dracula turned into a sanitary pad"._

*What is the speed limit in sex?*
_Answer: 70 - because at 69 you have to turn around._

🤩😎🥳🤪....
HAPPY LOCKDOWN
STAY HOME
STAY SAFE

[SBMEDSUP]

Clap clap clap 👏👏👏