The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[WillamSexsphere]

Thanks bro JWNY and jimbo as well as others for your points and more importantly thanks for your compliments. It will spur me to improve myself further so that more may understand my writings that may be of value and strike a cord amongst fellow brothers, irregardless of whether they agree or disagree with my views.

I humbly bow in gratitude.

Cheers!

PS: Tks for the joke about the MP thingy, bro JWNY..haha..just as i joke about my signature line, in the hope that some REAL rational MP will stand up for us men instead of fearing their own wives ( as what one of our minister mentor said about us the kiasu, kiasee, etc... and kaibor thingy)...hehehe..

[Thai Rak Thai]

from Forbes wor......

Point: Don't Marry Career Women
By Michael Noer

How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well, say social scientists.

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

Many factors contribute to a stable marriage, including the marital status of your spouse's parents (folks with divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves), age at first marriage, race, religious beliefs and socio-economic status. And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married--it's just that they are less likely to be so than nonworking women. And that, statistically speaking, is the rub.

To be clear, we're not talking about a high school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a "career girl" has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill ( American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier ( Institute for Social Research).

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

In 2004, John H. Johnson examined data from the Survey of Income and Program Participation and concluded that gender has a significant influence on the relationship between work hours and increases in the probability of divorce. Women's work hours consistently increase divorce, whereas increases in men's work hours often have no statistical effect. "I also find that the incidence in divorce is far higher in couples where both spouses are working than in couples where only one spouse is employed," Johnson says. A few other studies, which have focused on employment (as opposed to working hours), have concluded that working outside the home actually increases marital stability, at least when the marriage is a happy one. But even in these studies, wives' employment does correlate positively to divorce rates, when the marriage is of "low marital quality."

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 times more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas). Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. According to a 2004 paper titled "What Do Social Scientists Know About the Benefits of Marriage?," marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances" and higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

[Thai Rak Thai]

my fren jus divorce...heng no kids

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Thai Rak Thai

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex (those with graduate degrees are 1.75 times more likely to have cheated than those with high school diplomas).

OMG... most of the uni's lecturers would be compulsive philanderers then. Also super-scale officers and president's scholars.

Originally Posted by Thai Rak Thai

Additionally, individuals who earn more than $30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

hehe... we could be a nation of cheaters then.

[asdfghjkl]

that somewhat true.. some girls told me they dun like rich men!

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by asdfghjkl

that somewhat true.. some girls told me they dun like rich men!

dont like rich men, but love 01 x filthy rich man.

[pfingo]

Originally Posted by suteerak1099

dont like rich men, but love 01 x filthy rich man.

no more 5C...5B bro sut

Billionaire
Boeing (mode of transport)
own the Bank
Bungalow home
BIG (no need explain right? )

[suteerak1099]

Originally Posted by pfingo

no more 5C...5B bro sut

Billionaire
Boeing (mode of transport)
own the Bank
Bungalow home
BIG (no need explain right? )

or maybe both the 5B +5C. noone will ever complain that the $ is ever enough.

material attributes:
B for: Bungalow, Boing, Billionaire, Bank, Bentley
C for: Condo, Credit Card, Cash, Career, Car, Chauffuer

physical/character attributes:
B for: Body Built, Biceps, Brains, Butt, Behaved, Benovelant
C for: Charming, Companionable, Cute, Considerate, Caring, Can give Cunninglingus, Cock... etc

[JWNY]

taken from Delphi...courtesy of bro laksa boy

http://dont-marry.com/

Interesting read...........

JWNY

[JWNY]

There are some relationships where it is difficult to read your partner, due mixed signals. If you feel that your partner loves you, but are not really sure whether he or she will ever actually get married to you, then the following signs are what you should look out for:

Your partner tries to change the subject or brushes you off whenever you bring up marriage.

He or she tells you that marriage is not something that he/she is too crazy about.

Tells you that he/she wants to marry you, but keeps making excuses on why you cannot marry now and keeps you waiting for a long time (years).

JWNY

[miloluv]

Originally Posted by JWNY

There are some relationships where it is difficult to read your partner, due mixed signals. If you feel that your partner loves you, but are not really sure whether he or she will ever actually get married to you, then the following signs are what you should look out for:

Your partner tries to change the subject or brushes you off whenever you bring up marriage.

He or she tells you that marriage is not something that he/she is too crazy about.

Tells you that he/she wants to marry you, but keeps making excuses on why you cannot marry now and keeps you waiting for a long time (years).

JWNY

Yes bro.. TRUE...

[dbrudder]

One thing for sure, you can't survive on love alone.

In our current society, we usually have the added pressure of conforming to social acceptance. What do our friends feel about the person we marry, what do our parents feel, what about our colleagues and business associates? Multiplied by the many other factors to consider before you get married, marrying the one you truly love is a great challenge indeed.

A friend once went out with a hairdresser, who was a sweet, intelligent and pretty girl. But in the end, he told me that he could not marry her because at the back of his mind, other things kept bugging him, not because he did not love her.

In today's context, the concept of marriage has changed, because our society has changed. However, I believe since ancient times, most people do not marry the one they love. There used to be arranged marriages in the past (even now in certain parts of the world), and in those days marriages still last because there were fewer choices of exiting the marriage. People used to believe that once you are married to a person, it is for life and you stick through it no matter what. Today, marriage is like the "flavour of the month", where you can call it quits once the idea gets old.

There are so many reasons people get married for - money, start a family, buy a HDB flat, have a companion for old age, get a green card, pressure from family and friends, someone to be there when you fall sick... sometimes I feel that love is like at the bottom of the list.

[_AXL_]

Originally Posted by dbrudder

One thing for sure, you can't survive on love alone.

i m not so sure, bro, cos no one has starved to death in sg for a long time liao!!! call me naive, idealistic, but isnt what love is, in the first place???

In our current society, we usually have the added pressure of conforming to social acceptance. What do our friends feel about the person we marry, what do our parents feel, what about our colleagues and business associates? Multiplied by the many other factors to consider before you get married, marrying the one you truly love is a great challenge indeed.

ah yes, historical data and mistakes. questionable jobs, criminal records, past relationships and marriages, etc... have seen many guys brush all these criticism aside, but in a word of fairness, some turned out well, but many went down in flames eventually...

A friend once went out with a hairdresser, who was a sweet, intelligent and pretty girl. But in the end, he told me that he could not marry her because at the back of his mind, other things kept bugging him, not because he did not love her.

this i m most puzzled. maybe u could enlighten me with the reason why he couldnt. the girl is (i assume) earning an honest living. i have seen many hairdressers who go work, after work go home, rest and then go work again the next day. on their off-days, they will go back m'sia to visit their parents. no bad habits at all. maybe different type of hairdressers we r talking about..

In today's context, the concept of marriage has changed, because our society has changed. However, I believe since ancient times, most people do not marry the one they love. There used to be arranged marriages in the past (even now in certain parts of the world), and in those days marriages still last because there were fewer choices of exiting the marriage. People used to believe that once you are married to a person, it is for life and you stick through it no matter what. Today, marriage is like the "flavour of the month", where you can call it quits once the idea gets old.

guess the only thing that has changed is that divorce now r socially acceptable. imagine 20 years back, when people talked about divorced people, they kind of associated them as bad people who have done something morally wrong in their marriages to deserve that...

now a wrong marriage or a simple quarrel can be solved in a fuss-free divorce with minimum inconvenience caused. people dont even bat an eyelid anymore. the stigma is gone and so is the determination to stick around to force things to work out in a marriage.

There are so many reasons people get married for - money, start a family, buy a HDB flat, have a companion for old age, get a green card, pressure from family and friends, someone to be there when you fall sick... sometimes I feel that love is like at the bottom of the list.

highest rates of divorce: young couples and couples forced into marriage due to HDB flat arrived and shotgun. i guess can attiribute all these to lack of preparation and the lack of foundation in their relationship before they make the plunge.

everyone has a choice, so use that choice wisely. when one is forced to marry under circumstances, they will most likely part due to circumstances. love is still out there, still very real but it is up to the individual to want to go out there to sieve through all that crap to get to it.

cheers.

[surfer888]

Glad to see this thread back again.

Originally Posted by _AXL_

i m not so sure, bro, cos no one has starved to death in sg for a long time liao!!! call me naive, idealistic, but isnt what love is, in the first place???

Maybe thats because no one has lived on love alone... they don't starve here, they leap. Love alone is not enough to keep us going. It only works that way in reel life...

Originally Posted by _AXL_

highest rates of divorce: young couples and couples forced into marriage due to HDB flat arrived and shotgun. i guess can attiribute all these to lack of preparation and the lack of foundation in their relationship before they make the plunge.

Unfortunately no prep work is ever enough... but the sampling was the fun part.

Originally Posted by _AXL_

when one is forced to marry under circumstances, they will most likely part due to circumstances.

Quote of the day.

[dbrudder]

Originally Posted by _AXL_

this i m most puzzled. maybe u could enlighten me with the reason why he couldnt. the girl is (i assume) earning an honest living. i have seen many hairdressers who go work, after work go home, rest and then go work again the next day. on their off-days, they will go back m'sia to visit their parents. no bad habits at all. maybe different type of hairdressers we r talking about..

No, nothing to do with any bad habits. I know the girl too and she is a very nice person. Quite chatty and can be witty too.

I think the things my friend had to consider was his social circle, which is very different from hers, and because she is less educated, her command of English is not strong, which sometimes is a barrier to communications.

My friend married an accountant in the end. His wife is beautiful, sexy and hardworking. But somehow I get the feeling that she is also not the one he loves the most. He loves her (he claims), but probably not the most.

All things said, I guess it is down to the individual, whether they can accept a person and marry that person based on love and overlook the other things. You could be right bro, love could be out there, but sometimes it is so damn hard a path to choose.