Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[evoking88]

Originally Posted by Honey Boon

if you can afford, bro... why not? so that she can dedicate all her time to take care all your physical, emotional and spiritual needs right?

haha thats a nice way to put it.

[euritage]

Originally Posted by SingViet

As for housechores and taking care of kids, i admit i have pampered my wife too much. In Vn, we had a few maids to take care of the kids and housework. Even after returning to Singapore, i still employ 2 maids to do housework and take care of the kids. There was a period of time when i suggested to have just 1 maid, my wife had to take care of the children. She was damm frustrated everyday and we argue almost daily. So no choice, switch back to 2 maids.

Singviet, i think you're a minority who can afford the "necessities" of life...
(No sarcasm intended, my family had 3 maids and a chauffeur when we were young staying in Semarang)

Myself... I've already preempted her that she's not marrying into a life of comfort and luxury... I've informed her that she'll need to work to supplement her living expenses... household chores non-withstanding...

However, I think matters like houshold chores are small things... we've already split the chores accordingly.

Cooking > me (3x a week)
Washing up > her (3x a week)
Cleaning Toilet > me (1x a week)
Wash clothes > me (1x a week)
Hang clothes > together (1x a week)
Fold/iron clothes > her(1x a week)
Sweep/mop > her (3x a week)
DIY jobs > me (as needed)
FINANCES > HER (every single moment)

Kids are later and I honestly believe that she will care for and love them as a mother will... The "right" way or not, it's a matter of differing opinions...
I'm sure we'll be able to discuss and meet in between...
(i.e. she's a firm believer of spoil the child... looking at myself... i'm of the opposition...)

I don't know how good a gauge this is but she cares for the dog very well... :
I'm not saying my kids are dogs though... don't misunderstand...

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by Honey Boon

if you can afford, bro... why not? so that she can dedicate all her time to take care all your physical, emotional and spiritual needs right?

I don't think i need her to take care of all the needs so well. Its more like lightening her load of work and responsibilities.

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by euritage

Singviet, i think you're a minority who can afford the "necessities" of life...
(No sarcasm intended, my family had 3 maids and a chauffeur when we were young staying in Semarang)

Myself... I've already preempted her that she's not marrying into a life of comfort and luxury... I've informed her that she'll need to work to supplement her living expenses... household chores non-withstanding...

However, I think matters like houshold chores are small things... we've already split the chores accordingly.

Cooking > me (3x a week)
Washing up > her (3x a week)
Cleaning Toilet > me (1x a week)
Wash clothes > me (1x a week)
Hang clothes > together (1x a week)
Fold/iron clothes > her(1x a week)
Sweep/mop > her (3x a week)
DIY jobs > me (as needed)
FINANCES > HER (every single moment)

Kids are later and I honestly believe that she will care for and love them as a mother will... The "right" way or not, it's a matter of differing opinions...
I'm sure we'll be able to discuss and meet in between...
(i.e. she's a firm believer of spoil the child... looking at myself... i'm of the opposition...)

I don't know how good a gauge this is but she cares for the dog very well... :
I'm not saying my kids are dogs though... don't misunderstand...

Yes, i do agree that its good to share the load together. I think i mentioned before that its good to let her know your finances and expenditure. Let her know that life in Singapore is not easy. My wife and i were not borned with the finances that we had now, we struggled for many years in Vn. Sometimes when we chit chat and recall our tough moments in building up the business, we still feel the ache we suffered before. But its also thru all these hardships that we suffered that brought us closer and understand each other better. Build your family together, enjoy your achievements and suffer the sufferings together, it will enhance your understanding of each other and bring you closer.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

vietnamese treasure family so i bet they will take good care of childrenof the vb. i have seen vb who are just plain lazy and never even wash clothings for weeks. my girlfriend can take care of home very well.
doing house chores will depends on the characters

Vn women will place their kids above anything...so dun worry about this...just that they may need lesson on hygiene...

As for washing and cleaning...most will do so except dun expect done well...

Taking care of hubby...this one sure la...very loving and obedient la...

Taking care of parent in-law...most will do so if live together...

Originally Posted by SingViet

To the normal province vietnamese, education is not too important. Thus, i salute those vietnamese parents who place priority on their children's education.

as for education...agreed that they are mostly clueless...so dun expect them to teach the kids...

[haojian]

my wife works and keep all her salary. she says she need to send home to renovate her parents home next year.
now her mum is here to cook for her to tapow to work and take care of the babies while she's working selling women accessories.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by haojian

my wife works and keep all her salary. she says she need to send home to renovate her parents home next year.
now her mum is here to cook for her to tapow to work and take care of the babies while she's working selling women accessories.

your problem all resolved already ha...

[haojian]

Not really. she treats me like a father and not her husband. i feel like a walking atm to pay her all her wants and needs. she always threatens divorce and bringing the babies back to vietnam unless i agree to whatever she wants.

she is currently here on work permit, her boss says would help her to apply for PR maybe in a year. what happens when i cant afford to, i dont want to wait for that day to come. now i only have my babies in mind, I dont want to lose them. anyone have suggestions?

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by haojian

Not really. she treats me like a father and not her husband. i feel like a walking atm to pay her all her wants and needs. she always threatens divorce and bringing the babies back to vietnam unless i agree to whatever she wants.

she is currently here on work permit, her boss says would help her to apply for PR maybe in a year. what happens when i cant afford to, i dont want to wait for that day to come. now i only have my babies in mind, I dont want to lose them. anyone have suggestions?

I suggest you take 1 step at a time..

make sure your kids are Singaporean by birth...as long as she fulfills her wife duties and obligations...seriously there is nothing you can do...just make sure you treat her well...maybe she can love you more in future...

btw, how old are both of you if you dun mind?

[Golden question]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I suggest you take 1 step at a time..

make sure your kids are Singaporean by birth...as long as she fulfills her wife duties and obligations...seriously there is nothing you can do...just make sure you treat her well...maybe she can love you more in future...

btw, how old are both of you if you dun mind?

just make a wild guess,he mention his wife is 20 years younger than him.so he must be either 40 plus and his wife 20 plus.

[Golden question]

Originally Posted by haojian

Not really. she treats me like a father and not her husband. i feel like a walking atm to pay her all her wants and needs. she always threatens divorce and bringing the babies back to vietnam unless i agree to whatever she wants.

she is currently here on work permit, her boss says would help her to apply for PR maybe in a year. what happens when i cant afford to, i dont want to wait for that day to come. now i only have my babies in mind, I dont want to lose them. anyone have suggestions?

threatens divorce and bring the baby back unless u agree to whatever she say,for this i think is not a right thing to do.sorry as i dont know your family background so i can only comment on what i feel if my wife do this to me.

i wont let my wife use this as a weapon against me cos i dont give a fucking damm if my wife use this to get whatever she want from me.is overboard and i dont think she treat me as his husband.

bro,from your message,i can see that she know what is your weak point,thats why she do this to u.she know u scare to lose her and the baby and now u are in a miserable state cos she treat u as her atm.

sad to know u are in this state and sorry to say that i feel your wife dont love u.talk to her on what she want and ask yourself is it worth to continue this marriage.

btw,i dont know employer can apply PR for foreigner,any bro can enlighten me cos i thought is your spouse or u yourself can apply

[Golden question]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Yes, i do agree that its good to share the load together. I think i mentioned before that its good to let her know your finances and expenditure. Let her know that life in Singapore is not easy. My wife and i were not borned with the finances that we had now, we struggled for many years in Vn. Sometimes when we chit chat and recall our tough moments in building up the business, we still feel the ache we suffered before. But its also thru all these hardships that we suffered that brought us closer and understand each other better. Build your family together, enjoy your achievements and suffer the sufferings together, it will enhance your understanding of each other and bring you closer.

everything is worth it if your viet wife suffer with u before during bad time and share the happiness during good time.i use to be very particular towards expecting my wife to follow my ways of doing things when we just got marry.first years was hell as we quarrel often and i make her cry.

but after seeing how she treat my father and help me while i was in vietnam,i start to change myself as to not so demanding and nowadays i try to close one eye.i always ask myself to look at her good side after we quarrel and slowly i change if i feel i am too demanding.

nowadays i will try to make her happy with her small wish if i can do.i learn to not to take things so seriously especially towards her

[batty]

Before marriage what is your's is your's and what is her's is her's. After marriage what is your's is her's and what is her's is still her's.

haojian, I think you can keep tabs on her. Good luck.

[evoking88]

Originally Posted by Golden question

threatens divorce and bring the baby back unless u agree to whatever she say,for this i think is not a right thing to do.sorry as i dont know your family background so i can only comment on what i feel if my wife do this to me.

i wont let my wife use this as a weapon against me cos i dont give a fucking damm if my wife use this to get whatever she want from me.is overboard and i dont think she treat me as his husband.

bro,from your message,i can see that she know what is your weak point,thats why she do this to u.she know u scare to lose her and the baby and now u are in a miserable state cos she treat u as her atm.

sad to know u are in this state and sorry to say that i feel your wife dont love u.talk to her on what she want and ask yourself is it worth to continue this marriage.

btw,i dont know employer can apply PR for foreigner,any bro can enlighten me cos i thought is your spouse or u yourself can apply

i think it is possible for an employer to sponsor a worker for PR by providing testimonies etc but it is up to the individual to apply for the pr him/herself. same goes if got spouse. its not the spouse apply but rather just help in the application.

[Honey Boon]

actually is not so much as a sponsorship from your employer. it is just a simple letter from the company to confirm your employment (salary amount, position and start work since when). that's all!

Originally Posted by evoking88

i think it is possible for an employer to sponsor a worker for PR by providing testimonies etc but it is up to the individual to apply for the pr him/herself. same goes if got spouse. its not the spouse apply but rather just help in the application.