Intimacy issues with BF

[gigigagago]

Hahaha wah your concern covers many layers... Hmm... I'd like to start by saying this - You must understand one very important fact about men:

We are very mission-based creatures. Our decisions, behaviours and actions encircles around this. We are not like women who can think and feel many things at the same time and still be coherent (still amazing to me). When we set our sights on something most likely we'd want to overcome it first before moving on to the next conquest. In most cases, it is also this trait of extreme focus that women like about men, as long as the men's conquest is still relevant to the women. Although in some cases, it frustrates women as well.

Whether or not you served yourself on a platter to him or he took reasonable amount of effort to eventually become your bf, it doesn't matter - you were once his main conquest. Maybe it could be your FA nature, thus not being around constantly, you dropped your status as his top priority on the conquest list. It may have affected him cos he felt lost without his main conquest.

The natural thing for him to do is to find another conquest, and in this case, rekindling his relationship with gaming. Gaming is always there for him. It reflects his skills and efforts and almost always reaps the rewards (satisfaction) he deserves after putting in the time. It provides stability in that sense, but also combining the thrill and variety that comes with playing. In that one conquest alone, it holds many missions for him to look forward to. This is a concoction of temptation that's hard to resist.

People may argue that, "sure or not knn one hot chick (I'm assuming) versus playing a fake game, how can the hot chick lose". Well, I can accept that it doesn't apply to every man, definitely. Even for me, if I still find my chick desirable, nothing can take my attention away fo shizzle. Screw gaming.

But what I'm saying is, if he has found an identity and a great significance that comes from playing these games, more so than paying attention to you (what with the flying and all), why would one be surprised if he paid more attention to the game eventually? Let me break it down even simpler for all:

Say the camaraderie with his game friends plus the identity he found from them plus the amount of significance his game friends made him feel, amounts to a grand total of 90% satisfaction. However on the other hand, his former #1 conquest (you) whom he probably gets about only 80% satisfaction at the moment, keeps prying him away from his 90% satisfaction, will the amount of satisfaction he gets from you fall lower and lower?

Some derive that satisfaction (thrill, connection, variety, stability etc) from different sources: sports, volunteer work, sex, career, gambling, drinking, smoking, reading, digging nose, murdering, kidnapping, violence, painting, singing etc - you get the idea. And you have other things that you derive satisfaction from as well. We all have. So my guess is you understand where I'm going.

I'm not saying that it is wrong for you to be flying, neither am I saying that must be the reason why you fell off his conquest list, I am just offering a possibility, and also a concept that lies beneath all the fluff, which you could personalise and start working from there. Nobody knows how better than you.

Try to think of ways that you could get back to #1 of his source of satisfaction. Through this, I am pretty sure he'd become your #1 as well. You gotta admit you are getting dissatisfied with him at the moment as well, don't you?

You are in a better position than he is for this, fortunately. Women sought to seek what they don't know; most men avoid and look away problems they can't solve (turning his attention to gaming for that feeling of satisfaction rather than going through the tougher way to sort things out with you).

Lastly, my most concrete advice I could offer at this point is, while you're trying to work this out, avoid doing this while he's gaming. Find time before or after. Don't create tension and thus making your % drop lower further.

As a woman, the temptation for you is to test him and make him choose between game and you at that point of time. I understand you may think that's the best way for you to evaluate your worth between game and you - which would he choose. You'd be highly tempted (which you already said you did before) to distract him while gaming, just to test him in hope you emerge victorious. Don't do that. Learn from a mistake. If that's not how men operate, why try so hard to fall on your face and lose your objective?

Think of a scenario where you go shopping for shoes and then your bf gets bored and tried to distract you and disturb you and how frustrated you are thinking "there's a time for everything", can't he just leave you to do what you want at that moment, and you'll get what I mean. Find an appropriate time.

All the best.

[KHS2000]

Originally Posted by Sensual8725

BF and i have a normal sex life. I enjoy the sex and intimacy very much and sex with him is one of the best sex i ever had. Usually we have sex twice a week, which i think can be further improved but he is always tired. I also spice up our sex life by wearing sexy lingerie everyday and costumes to arouse him. I bother to give blowjobs and different positions and have suggested outdoor sex. But our sex is still limited to a fixed schedule, I know when it will happen on the very 2 days every week. Sometimes, I try to arouse him by touching him and stripping into my sexy lingerie, but he gets irritated instead because it is simply not the day for sex, says he is tired, not in the mood and gets irritated. He therefore forbids me from touching his vital parts during the “non-sex days” which angers me.

Don’t ask me why. But I am very sure there is no third parties or affairs or FL activities. Let’s just factor this out. BF does watch porn and DIY, I know it because he doesn’t bother to delete the history. He is also into lan games and spend hours after work on them. There was a few months straight I didn’t have sex with him and he did not initiate either. He told me the lack of sex is due to wearing condom, so now we don’t wear a condom and sex frequency is normal.

I really don’t understand why. I am a 25yo attractive woman with good figure (I am a C cup with slim waist) and features and many men will be dying to have me touch them like that or being naughty. Why does he gets irritated instead? I always feel sexy but after my advances were rejected, I felt he is bringing my confidence down. He only likes me to arouse him when he wants sex, and I think it is damn selfish because I don’t even have the rights to touch him? This fills me up with much anger and resentment and now when guys ask me out, I go ahead because I felt pissed (no betrayal involved though and not interested in other guys.) Why does BF have an intimacy issue during “non-sex” days? This is really frustrating and getting to me. We do not have other relationship problems other than this lack of intimacy .

Thanks bros in advance for sharing your opinions. Sorry for the long message.

Hello sis, you never mentioned how long been together with BF and how old is he. He may be still loving you but likely has no interest doing sex with you anymore.

Willing and passionate sex usually has no fix time table and frequency. Man normally need to release weekly at least once if not twice. If he did watch porno he is likely to fantasize certain acts which you are not likely to provide or daring to do. So ask yourself.

My guess is he is seeking professional pros to satisfy his desire. You have to discover. Unthinkable thing is not what ones expect of somebody you believe is not likely to be doing. Recall all the recent sexual headlines about many of the upper class doing the unthinkable. Sorry not to alarm you...