I caught my hubby

[AADD]

you sounded like your already broken and nothing he do is going to fixed it. i suggest you just go find another partner and divorce the current one.

you sounded like you both have kids already..makes it even worse.

hopefully you are still attractive to other dudes outside. else its hell of a road to continue on..

[nutman38]

TS, please give your Hubby one last Chance.
If he still continue his whoring days, then you can leave him for good!
Please cherish each other while there is still Hope.

[localguylor]

Originally Posted by hiswife

I know I'll catch flak from my previous post but that's how a wife thinks, if you care to know.
.

Hey,

For a woman to have the courage to post your personal problem here already shown you are not push over wife. You know very clearly what you want in your life and you had already made your choices.

Remember, you are in a tunnel now. It will not be easy but I believe you are strong enough. How fast you can reach the end of tunnel fully depend on yourself. U take care!.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by hiswife

When I was growing up, I witnessed first hand how my father's infidelity caused massive heartbreaks to my mom. They are no longer together, he left.

@hiswife, now I see what has happened, you only mention now. Looks like history is repeating itself. Don't let the past affect your future. Be it what ever it is, do take good care of yourself. Initially I am still wondering how you feel that way and I guess I understand now.

Originally Posted by hiswife

What I'm trying to say is that don't think that if your wife is closing one eye that she's not suffering. Or is it that you don't even care? My mom's generation stay in bad marriages because they didn't have the ability to leave. I'm glad I'm not trapped like that.

Yes time has changed and the society has changed either. You know your rights. However I would say think twice before you act as I have a feeling that the past has some how or rather affect how you view and evaluate such situation.

Originally Posted by hiswife

I too don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family but that will not stop me from getting a divorce. If that has to happen, I'll just tell my kids that it's too bad that their dad loves prostitutes more than them.

What had happened and what action you have taken may be painful as far as you are concern however by telling the kids all sort of reasons I guess is just only trying to vent your anger and create a hatred between which it a repeat of what your parent has brought to you. Even you don't bad mouth him, your kids would come to know as well.

Originally Posted by hiswife

Some of you replied asking me to shut up and go back to the kitchen or to be careful not to push him or else he would divorce me. Really, do you think I'm afraid of that?

You are loosing your cool. You don't need to be so workout over what some others say as they are not in your situation or will never be in your situation and they don't see how you feel. The more you jump the more others will jump as well. This is exactly how you need to manage between two human being including how you deal with conversation and expectation for your husband. If he feel small he avoid and play behind your back. If you let his head grow too big he will climb over your head. So you need to know when to strike the balance. Do take care.

Originally Posted by hiswife

I'll go back to the kitchen now. Meanwhile, keep whoring, get a divorce and give your wife 1/2 of your assets, and then live happily ever after with prostitutes.

I guess this is exactly why some man will fire up when talk about divorce as you already start to mention about assets and how much to split. This only show that you are now full of hatred and no longer love. Do not let the past influence you, do not let hatred rule your decision. Think and act wisely be it what is the final ending.

Take care.

[hiswife]

Originally Posted by dustzee

I strayed and I felt terrible.
We rebuilt our relationship and now I don't want to stray again because now i remember i love her.

Thanks for sharing your experience. My hubby and I are trying to do what you've done, rebuilding and reconnecting. Hopefully we'll have positive results, like you and your wife. Btw, have you really stop "straying"?

Originally Posted by AADD

hopefully you are still attractive to other dudes outside. else its hell of a road to continue on..

No one will want me if they only like 18-year-olds. Some do not though, I believe.

Originally Posted by nutman38

TS, please give your Hubby one last Chance

Originally Posted by localguylor

How fast you can reach the end of tunnel fully depend on yourself. U take care!.

Originally Posted by a2014

create a hatred between which it a repeat of what your parent has brought to you.

You are loosing your cool.

I guess this is exactly why some man will fire up when talk about divorce as you already start to mention about assets and how much to split.

Actually I don't resent my dad, we have a cordial relationship. He's always dad to my siblings and I but he would never compare to mom. He chose to pursue his own happiness instead of us. I always wonder whether he's really happy now or is he regretting his actions. And this is also what I'm most afraid of. That one day my hubby will wake up and decide that he wants to pursue his happiness (whoring) and dumps the family.

I'm sorry for losing my cool. I just couldn't stand those comments that show utter disrespect to their wives. And they want their wives to respect them.

I'm not losing my cool with my hubby though. I'm treating him like king now. Likewise, he's treating me like queen too. It's never my plan to belittle him into submission. I'm trying to win his heart but only if he's doing the same thing.

Btw, he was the first to find out details about divorce. He knew I could be leaving and he has 2 friends who are already divorced. I only looked up the details after he told me about it.

[happywoody]

as they say getting married is love;
getting divorced is business

choosing one's own happiness over the family's

now that's a tough one.
given a choice, most parents would make the sacrifice for the sake of the kids,
unless all hope is lost

looks like TS you and hubby are giving it a shot - even if it's one last attempt.
i'm sure when the kids are grown up one day they'll understand you guys didn't just give up as a family ...

cheers

[noname123]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

"Men" aren't the problem "humans" are.

Deep Ah...

Ah Sam...you miss me or not

[noname123]

Originally Posted by Vectra

Hi TS, if you are long enough here to have read thread on all the forms of relationship, u will seen many diff outcome and reactions.

Everyone has different cards (problems) on hands, a solution offer may not be one that can solve yours. Hope things turn out well for you

Now you change job liao ah....consultant ???

[noname123]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

In NZ and much of the Western World, couples spice up their sex lives by swinging.

It enables couples to enjoy sexual variety without being cheaters.

Ah Sam...We belong to Eastern world leh...you like that "corrupt" us good meh

[larue]

Men can fuck other women while still believing they love their wives deeply.

Huge shame that men and women differ so greatly in this regard.

The male human brain is primitive when it comes to sex.

Presidents of the United States can't help themselves, top golfers and governors of California and New York can't stop themselves from fucking women who aren't their wives.

Don't men know the hurt they will cause their wives by doing that? Of course men do.

Begs the question why so many men still do it. Men can't keep their dicks in their pants. Especially for other women. It's a primal biological necessity.

A famous philospher once said a man is only as faithful as his options.

I hope this work out for you. But if you're expecting fidelity, the odds are poor. Always have been.

That he's been caught once betters those odds only very slightly.

I hope you come to terms with what has happened in a good way.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by hiswife

No one will want me if they only like 18-year-olds. Some do not though, I believe.

As man age, their thinking and perception changes, so those who love only 18 year old I guess they may not make it in their marriage.

Originally Posted by hiswife

And this is also what I'm most afraid of. That one day my hubby will wake up and decide that he wants to pursue his happiness (whoring) and dumps the family.

This is something that nobody can answer. It all depends on how's your relationship after marriage with him.

Originally Posted by hiswife

I'm sorry for losing my cool. I just couldn't stand those comments that show utter disrespect to their wives. And they want their wives to respect them.

No worries, when you are behind the keyboard you can practically type anything. Just take it with a pinch of salt will do. They may or may not mean what it was typed by them. Just going by the flow of majority.

Originally Posted by hiswife

I'm treating him like king now. Likewise, he's treating me like queen too. It's never my plan to belittle him into submission. I'm trying to win his heart but only if he's doing the same thing.

You may need to elaborate this as you claim you are treating him like King now and he is treating you like Queen now. It that what you trying to say you both goes back to normally like just married couple or just because to this incident suddenly both get special attention. Be careful don't just appease each other for the sake of patching up. Both of you need to be understand if you don't love each other how both of you ended up marrying each other so both of you need to go find back the fire and love that bond both of you together and not just patch up and make each other happy. I am afraid you may disappoint yourself if you just try to appease each other.

Originally Posted by hiswife

Btw, he was the first to find out details about divorce. He knew I could be leaving and he has 2 friends who are already divorced. I only looked up the details after he told me about it.

See how more bean being spilled now as the more you describe, firstly you have bad memories from your parent's marriage so one factor, he has bad influence from buddy or close friends that gone through a divorce (in fact several of them) this is the second factor. This may throw more lights to how come both of you landed up in such a state. You see now, both hand claps, that's where the noise come from now. If you ask me, basically your perception of man as a husband and his ability to resist temptation and steer clear of trouble water. Maybe by understanding him more can help, on the other hand he need to understand more of your thinking.

Some bro will recommend both of you can go for counseling, I guess if you need help this may be one of the way as I guess both of you do have some influence some how or rather be it the past or the surrounding and both of you cannot manage and resolve this yourself.

Take Care

[HonkyTonkyMan]

Originally Posted by hiswife

I still won't accept prostitution though. You can't have that without sacrificing your commitment to your family. Time, money, attention, exposure to STD etc.. Well, unless I get to sleep around too but in that case, what's the point of staying married?

Would you rather have him involved in an emotional relationship with another woman? At least pros are hit and run just to sextisfy one physical needs, it would be harder if emotions are involved.

I have met women who seeks physical pleasure not becos they don't love their hub but rather it becos they love their hub too much to let them know they are not able to sextisfy their women. Yet these women are still committed to their marriage on the emotional front, likewise men like us, yes I for one seeks gratification from pros too. So are we wrong, perhaps you can say we are selfish but if the marriage is a sterile one that lacks physical intimacy, what wrong is there then to seek the sextisfaction elsewhere. Talk about it? End results, the truth only hurts and destroy further what is already a dysfunctional marriage.

[The Pie Maker]

I occasionally come into this forum to have a look see and have not been very much of a contributer, mostly because I don't have much content to contribute. In this case I do. Before I start I have to mention that all of this is a combination of my experiences, what has been related to me and my observances, especially of relationships of the people who have related their experiences and situations to me.

Firstly, everybody's baseline for normal is different. I've seen the most unusual relationships work and that comes down to what people are willing to give and accept in their relationships. What works for one couple might not work for another.

Secondly, coming from a guy's perspective, there are a number major reasons to look for sex outside of a relationship. Broadly, these are guys who think that what defines a man is to spread his experiences far and wide; love, emotional connections and emotional comfort; and of course the physical act. In reality it's usually a combination of all three to varying degrees. It’s important to see that sex is not just sex. There are different shades of sex both to men and women, although they tend to focus on different areas. From a scale of sex with my partner whom I am utterly in love with and when we do, the world is filled with rainbows and butterflies; to I just need to get off and be done with it and I don’t have to see her again.

Now it comes down to your relationship. It’s impossible know the details outside of what was shared here, so some amount of it is guesswork. Visiting a prostitute isn’t the cause of the issues. It is a result of it. To fix what wasn’t working, you have to identify the mismatch and see what can be fixed or in the very least, what can be compromised. It could have been a combination of poor communication, stress, pressure, a lack of support at home, sarcasm and toxicity in the relationship that led him to look for it somewhere else in whatever way or form. Men know it’s fake when you pay for it but for that moment there’s no worry about getting snapped at, criticised and/or needing to tread on eggshells in case she’s gonna be unhappy (usually the result of an already unhappy relationship). She’ll treat you like a king until you walk out the door and that has it’s appeal.

Inside of a relationship, people are often unaware of things they say. A comment here, a remark there, could have an effect and what's worse is that the effect is cumulative and not always a conscious event. I think it's safe to say we are all guilty of doing that at some point.

What comes after this is my personal opinion. You may choose to ignore it if you disagree.

An important point to point highlight is that he did not have an emotional investment with an external party. After being caught he has chosen to keep trying. That indicates an amount of love involved. To me, the result would be much worse if he had, but you may have a different viewpoint. Your experiences dictate your own value system. Some can be compromised, some cannot but it’s pretty unfair to lump all infidelities into one category. Every incident has it’s own set of variables. I’ve seen the best fathers and husbands occasionally pop out for a rub and tug (Based on the assumption that no morality filters are in place; an orgasm is an orgasm whether it’s a hj or a fj. Like buying a Getz or a BMW. Both serve the same basic function)

Anyway, if you choose to stay, then be wholeheartedly dedicated to fixing it. Give what you are comfortable giving, and say no if you are not. Take care of what you need to do to heal yourself. You cannot bring peace to a relationship if you do not have it. Recognise his effort in trying to fix the relationship and acknowledge it. Start recognising toxicity in yourself, anger, fear and hurt and when it starts manifesting especially in attitude towards your partner. Sex is a good start but it isn’t the be all and end all of marriage. Start building experiences. Go camping. Go on a date without taking your phones along. Set a public sex challenge. Grow together. Challenge each other. The sex gets better as that grows. Someone has to take the lead so why not you? If you continue thinking “what if in three years…” you won’t move far from where you are now.

There you go. My apologies for the long post but relationships are complex and cannot be summed up in a paragraph. Hopefully some of it will be useful. I wish you the best wishes in the world and that it works out for the both of you.

[porscheclub]

Well sis, I've gone a full circle so can share a few words.

It seems like you're giving him a chance but have doubts of his fidelity. Well, then it really takes both to work it out with you taking a step back and make a softer stand. From your postings, we can tell that you are a lady with a strong character and the relationship will not improve unless you show your gentler side which men prefer. We're only hearing from you thus far but one underlining problem that men stray is to getaway from that wife @ home and find some love from other bosoms. Unless he finds another hobby to discharge his emotions, whoring is an easy exit. Trust me, if you guys continue in this manner, he'll sin again. It's devastating for the lady but please give yourself a breather and find love again if you're willing to forgive.

Yes, he's a sinner. He broke the vow. He may be a hardcore guy with strong needs, I don't know since some men are addicted to sex but few times a year will surely break a relationship. U guys must not just communicate in life but in sex as well. Make sex a part of an activity that both can explore together because there's nothing more sexy than exploring your sexuality with your partner. I would rather hire her a gigolo than having an affair vice versa.

My 2nd wife knows that men have needs & so does she, so she takes the effort to have sex couple of times in a week when I'm back, less than I wished but these days sex is not a priority as we age. There's many more fulfilling things to do together as a family. We enjoy porn together, kinky sex and open to swing. I don't even mind fulfilling her fantasies of having gang-bang, double-V, double-P & she allows me to have other women too but only in her presence. We haven't been there yet as we're still busy but the dirty talks keep us entertained. To us, sex is an act, a need, not crucial but a necessity. Having sex with another partner/s doesn't equate to betrayal when there's an approval, we've reached another level that some may not accept but I feel it's fair that the lady must be equally satisfied & better this than having the heart flutter with another partner. I'd rather hire a gigolo for her than sleeping behind my back.

Making a relationship work is a lot more complex & both needs to give+take. Wish you both well but if the pain hurts then end it quick and find happiness quickly

[procum]

It seems that TS does check her thread from time to time. That shows TS is willing to give chance and work hard to right the wrong. Me guy, from my past posts, TS will know that I am actively looking for fun outside. I am happily married and my wife knows what I am up to.

I usually go out hunting or have my tool serviced (massage + JG) when my wife's aunty visit her every month. Both me and my wife keep track of her period and ovulation cycle so we can have sex and cum in her all I want without need of condom. As I have huge sexual appetite, I usually cum in her and continue pumping till second round cums. We will have sex whenever we can. She always say that she is satisfied sexually... I don't know, although I trust her, I still don't know. I just sex her all I can.

We watch porn together, I tell her what I like in that scene and she tell me what she like. We sometimes act out what we learn from porn, have sex while watching porn. Although we are happy, we do get the feeling of wanting to improve on our sex life. I know that my wife wants to try threesome - MMF, while I want FFM and try ladies with E cup or at least DD cup breasts.

Three years ago, my wife surprised me on my birthday with a hotel room + a D cupper lady from one of the local escort site she googled online. It was really funny and weird at the same time as my wife knows I eat outside but have never seen me 'eat' in front of her. Anyway we played along and the escort did have some experience and that helped alot. The only thing was constant changing of condoms (100% safety first) as my wife not used to that. Ever since that 'arrangement', we try to do that once every quarter.

Last year, I booked a gigolo + hotel room for her birthday. We did a bit of 50 shades with her blindfolded and sucking the gig's dick and she only got to know what is going on when I ram her from behind while she have a dick in her mouth. The gig didn't had the chance to do her though... she was not very kin and told me going that far is enough for her. But she did had two different cum on her C tits.

Before this becomes a porn story, let me make this clear. All things mentioned did happened to me and my wife. It took her years to understand that I worship her like a goddess, I hide no secrets from her (just like you cannot hide things from god) and she have full access to all my accounts (bank, facebook and even SBF).

Only thing is that I like girls with much larger breasts (that's really my biggest weakness). I find that kind of gal, I do my deed, paid and leave. I can't really understand why I must develop another relationship with another woman(women) when I have such interesting wife. But... during the 7 days, even after two nice blowjobs from her during the day, I still skid off for a good massage + JG + happy ending during the night. That's my thing and my wife lived with it for more than a decade now. She knows that I like to hunt... online bargains, information and of course hoes.

Everyone is different, even the fingers on your hand are different in length. Women have a much shorter shelf life when it comes to maintaining beauty and figure.

What matters most is whether her man will grow old with her, take her to places and do things that creates beautiful memories exclusively to her. If the man can constantly remind the woman why she fall in love with him in the first place through all the big and small things in their lives... then perhaps you can let it slide from time to time (since you found out already). If you want to do repair, state your terms clearly. You can even have the divorce papers done first without signing (hope it is just an empty hoax + money wasted on lawyers instead of spending it on your second honeymoon). Whoever disobey the rules of the game... make the call.