While I agree with you, unless things did not go the way we wanted, she will have less in-law problems than most, cos I actually prefer to live in LOS. However, I have full confidence my mum will love her, cos she thinks for my mum much more than the ex ever did. My bros will just accept her (worse case scenario - and we never got into each other's ways anyway) while I know my sis will actually dot on her, cos she always wanted a younger sis or even daughter.
So you decide for her that things will be OK, that your mum will love her, that your bros will accept her and that your sis will dote on her.
While you had to go and see for yourself whether you can accept her family?
Shouldn't you arrange for a dinner outside of your house with your parents so your parents can see her personally? Just in case the neighbours talk about her as what you did (can't remember with which of the 4 girls)?
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to stay in your house so that she can actually know how your mum is going to treat her and see if there's going to be any bond just like you had the experience to stay in her house for her mum to treat you well and built a bond?
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to mixed with your brothers and sister to see whether they'll click to her like duck to water just like you had the chance to experience her brothers' warmth?
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to visit some of your relatives to see how they react to her, the neighbours and friends reactions too, just like you had the opportunity to visit her grandmother (with a large group) despite the gossiping neighbours?
Would you have accepted if you don't get to see her family and just based on her words that not to worry as all will be fine? No I don't think so that's why you need to make the trip up, but you expected her to accept your views that everything will be fine with your family, neighbours and friends.
Haha, this song (I'm not a guy) speaks of why Film never told me her feelings for me that had budded in her heart until I sensed something and asked her. Or I could have moved on to meet another and missed the boat yet again, like I did when I met Rain and did not consider Film. Sigh, she should have told me (she agreed too). Would have saved me 6 months, a lot of heartaches and money.
Quote:
ผู้ชายคนนั้น ที่ฉันแอบหลงรัก
That guy, the one that I’ve secretly fallen in love for.
อยากได้ยินเสียง อยากเจอหน้าเขา อยากเข้าไปทักทาย
kkk
I want to listen to his voice, to look at his face, I want to go up and say hi.
อยากบอกความในให้รู้ทุกสิ่ง แต่เราเป็นผู้หญิงไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย
kkk
I want to tell everything that’s in my heart, but I’m a girl and not a guy.
ไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย.. ไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย..
kkk
Not a guy.. I’m not a guy.
ก็เพราะว่าฉันนั้นคือผู้หญิง จึงไม่อาจเปิดเผยความจริงข้างใน
kkk
Because I’m girl. That’s why, I can’t reveal the truth inside.
จึงต้องเก็บไว้ และต้องซ่อนไว้ลึกๆในใจ
kkk
That’s why, I have to keep it and hide it deep inside my heart.
และเพราะว่าฉันนั้นคือผู้หญิง ที่ไม่อาจเปิดเผยความจริงข้างใน
kkk
Because I’m girl. Unable to reveal the truth inside.
จึงต้องเก็บไว้ และต้องซ่อนไว้ ลึกๆในใจ
kkk
That’s why, I have to keep it and hide it deep inside my heart.
ฉันอยากบอกรัก และฉันอยากโทรหา
I want to say I love you and I want to call you.
อยากเดินควงแขน อยากชวนดูหนัง
I want to walk while holding hands, I want to invite you to see a movie.
อยากหอมสักครั้งจริงๆนะให้ตาย
I truly want to kiss you just once.
อยากบอกความในให้รู้ทุกสิ่ง แต่เราเป็นผู้หญิงไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย
I want to tell everything that’s in my heart, but I’m a girl and not a guy.
ไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย.. ไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย..
Not a guy.. I’m not a guy.
ก็เพราะว่าฉันนั้นคือผู้หญิง จึงไม่อาจเปิดเผยความจริงข้างใน
Because I’m girl. That’s why, I can’t reveal the truth inside.
จึงต้องเก็บไว้ และต้องซ่อนไว้ลึกๆในใจ
That’s why, I have to keep it and hide it deep inside my heart.
และเพราะว่าฉันนั้นคือผู้หญิง ที่ไม่อาจเปิดเผยความจริงข้างใน
Because I’m girl. Unable to reveal the truth inside.
จึงต้องเก็บไว้ และต้องซ่อนไว้
That’s why, I have to keep it and hide it.
(Interlude)
ฉันอยากบอกรัก และฉันอยากโทรหา
I want to say I love you and I want to call you.
อยากเดินควงแขน อยากชวนดูหนัง
I want to walk while holding hands, I want to invite you to see a movie.
อยากหอมสักครั้งจริงๆนะให้ตาย
I truly want to kiss you just once.
อยากบอกความในให้รู้ทุกสิ่ง แต่เราเป็นผู้หญิงไม่ใช่ผู้ชาย
I want to tell everything that’s in my heart, but I’m a girl and not a guy
So watch out. There may be a nice TG out there who truly wants to love you but dun know how to open her mouth.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
So you decide for her that things will be OK, that your mum will love her, that your bros will accept her and that your sis will dote on her.
My bro, please do not jump to conclusion, I cannot & will not decide for her as to when she will be ready to come. She has to do that for herself, and I will give her the space and time she needs. Sure she will "submit" to me and come now if I demand that she do it NOW but that would not be love that I am showing to her, as it is not a matter of life and death that she must come urgently. Loving her would be to encourage her and to facilitate her coming, not by force for sure. Fact is she definitely wants to come. You must have missed the part where I said SHE (not I) felt the time is not right for her to come to visit my mum & family in SG and that I understand her reasons and gave her my support. If things go as planned, she should be in SG for Christmas to spend time with my family, esp my mum. Even with my 2 boys whom she loves to meet, if their mum permits, though I doubt she will at this point of time.. I am sorry I am not a liberty to delve into further her reasons. That is private to us and as long as I am happy that it is valid, it is good enough. I would probably have done the same thing if I am her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thaivisitor
Shouldn't you arrange for a dinner outside of your house with your parents so your parents can see her personally? Just in case the neighbours talk about her as what you did (can't remember with which of the 4 girls)?
U forgot neither I nor my family stay in LOS. My mum is 70+ and it is not easy for her to travel that far, plus she has been to BKK several times. She however would like to go to Phayao to visit her parents to "taan qing" when the time comes if her health allows. Or I may fly her parents to SG for a holiday and meet my mum at the same time (if it is even appropriate to consider that).
Think u got the facts a bit mixed up. Guess that was so long ago, right? In Dancer's case, neither she nor her parents were ready for me to visit them at their home in Chiangcome, Phayao. So they came to Chiangrai to meet me instead. My mum was not involved. I had thought that if I had allowed her return, I would have to wait at least 4-6 months more before visiting her parents in Chiangcome (as she had mentioned earlier), though she finally told me a week ago I could go at Songkran. Think this was due to pressure as she knew Film had already invited me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was already at Fim's home when she called. Just told Dancer it is too late now - she had taken too long to take her risks with me, and she should open her heart to someone else cos now my heart belongs to Film.
In Film's case, she is sure enough about us to not worry about neighbours talking, not at her mum's side anyway. Also in her parents area, things are more "normal" - having a serious thanchart bf is not something to be embarassed about. Çould tell from the neighbours reactions they are happy for her. However things are a bit different in Phrae where she had to pick up her granny & gang from her village to meet me in her auntie's house (also in Phrae but another village). Her mum told me that granny's village has a lot of reckless and envious gossipers (also got "house building competition" going on there), while at mum's and auntie's homes, people are more open. If I had gone to granny's place, there would be pressure upon Film & I to start building our house on that plot of land we have (we're neighbours!), but we are not ready to do that as yet. Anyway. I had a good reception from the immediate neighbours in her auntie's home as well. Visited a few of the auntie's neighbours with her mum as well. Could sense her mum was happy to introduce to me and even more so when I could communicate and also understand bits of pasar Neur (why are the older Kon Neurs usually so happy when u can understand a bit of their language?). She enjoyed telling them how I enjoyed staying over at her home (which I really did - except showering in early morning, brrr, where got water heater one ) and how I ate all the Neur food she cooks Neur-style - with my right hand.
Seems to be something important to the Neurs? Pray tell me, cos too paiseh to ask.
And just to add, I am not ashamed of her nationality nor whatever her past was. However there is no need to tell my family about the past that I had not experienced with her. I only told them about her from the day we became friends when we happened to bump into one another again at Don Muang airport more than a year ago. What she told me about her past (even though she had no need to), was for me to know her better, and there is no need to tell anyone.
BTW, when she comes, she will certainly have dinner with my mum at her home, cos my mum wants to cook my favorite nonya dishes for her to try. In think mum secretly hopes Film will want to learn so she can feed me next time lah! Anyway I can cook some myself but I know Film will want learn to, cos she said that when she tried my "kiam chye duck soup". There is absolutely no need to go outside anywhere. We dun fear our neighbours and my mum has already told some of her friends about Film anyway.
Quote:
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to stay in your house so that she can actually know how your mum is going to treat her and see if there's going to be any bond just like you had the experience to stay in her house for her mum to treat you well and built a bond?
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to mixed with your brothers and sister to see whether they'll click to her like duck to water just like you had the chance to experience her brothers' warmth?
Shouldn't she be given the opportunity to visit some of your relatives to see how they react to her, the neighbours and friends reactions too, just like you had the opportunity to visit her grandmother (with a large group) despite the gossiping neighbours?
Of course! Dun you think I am dying for her to come over and meet them? Mum and all my siblings knew how miserable I was in the past and never spoke up only because they did not want add oil to my fire. And they certainly can see how much happier I am today, and they too want to see this beloved of mine in person. But heck, there is a time & season for everything and now is not the time for her to come over as yet. She will have to decide the timing, when she is ready, and she thinks she will be by Christmas. I really hope so. There is an open invitation from my family for her to visit, as it stands today. I am not concerned at all if any of my relatives were to gossip, though I doubt they will. There are already a couple of my relatives who married TGs, all with good results. Interestingly it is the PRCs that invoke fear amongst my relatives.
Quote:
Would you have accepted if you don't get to see her family and just based on her words that not to worry as all will be fine? No I don't think so that's why you need to make the trip up, but you expected her to accept your views that everything will be fine with your family, neighbours and friends.
If this is not a one way stuff, then what is?
I must either be a tyrant or inhuman if "I expected her to accept my views that everything will be fine with my family, neighbours and friends.". Of course I want them to meet in person, but it does not have to be now. When she is ready, I will bring her. If anything, I will be worried if Film has no interest in meeting them. It would be weird, if not wrong, cos she is no "mail-to-order" bride.
Frankly Film is already happy with the way things are today, my mum is nice to her, my sis buys her skin-care stuff. They must have seen something in her photos that they liked. Already kena ordered by mum and sis to take care of her properly cos she had not been well recently. But I told her that even though I may be the one going over, I still want her to meet my family and she too wants to come - when the time is right. To make her come now would be to force her hand and I dun see a need to do that at all, at least not now. It's not like we are going to get married next month or what.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
Re: Long Distance Tirak Relationship - Myth or Reality
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangkok Master
Thanks for your recommendation, frankly speaking I already forsee some of this kind of shit will happen when we got together. I'm okay with some of the requests and after we men are supposed to take care of the women, only those unreasonable or unrealistic request will be turn away. As for the family part, we already compromised that her family would be taken care by her as she has her own income too so I guess with my monthly allowances it would be enough to sustain. Most of the cases gets worsen due to no control beforehand thus breaking the threshold limit. I guess you a man of great control over your woman and I respect you for that.
So far, I have not received any unreasonable request from her family. Or perhaps she has filtered them off for me. In addition, there had been enough occasions for me to be alone with the mum or dad and if they wanted to make any request, they could have done so. So no point suspecting if there are no reasons to do so.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
My bro, please do not jump to conclusion, I cannot & will not decide for her as to when she will be ready to come..
I'm not jumping into conclusion lah....
All my comments etc, are posted to make you "think". Is there anything you left out? Should there be anything more to do? etc, etc.
You're going for long term, the home run, now. You definitely don't want a third time, unless you wanna join my click of twice divorced. Just join my click of thai wives enough.
All my comments etc, are posted to make you "think". Is there anything you left out? Should there be anything more to do? etc, etc.
You're going for long term, the home run, now. You definitely don't want a third time, unless you wanna join my click of twice divorced. Just join my click of thai wives enough.
Anyway, 31 Mar, GL Lor 10 coffeeshop. 7.30 pm.
thaivisitor
Kop Kun Maak Krap Pi TV, I was hoping that you were trying to be the wettest that ever be, and indeed that was what u were doing. Cos I am sure that along the way u must have seen that I had been sincere with Film.
I am sure there will be more to do as we progress, but I think most of the basics are in place. As she says, it is up to how I "tam dtua eng" from now on, and as long as I do not do anything stupid to hurt her, she has no reason to leave me even with all my current silly ways, cos I already "bpen dee tee sut liao".
On her part, she has left her past, and changed from the ugly duckling into the beautiful swan that she is today. She knows that in my eyes & heart, she has become who she said she had always wanted to be. The smoking issue was the final thing she needed to convinced that I will accept her for who she is now, even if she is not going to change some of her old habits.
Ours is a love that has grown out of and inspite of adversity. We have every intention to stick to our 3 golden rules from now on - love each other passionately, trust one another and no 3rd party. Anything else, we discuss if in doubt.
She is now ready and is waiting for me.The ball is in my court.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
U forgot neither I nor my family stay in LOS. My mum is 70+ and it is not easy for her to travel that far, plus she has been to BKK several times. She however would like to go to Phayao to visit her parents to "taan qing" when the time comes if her health allows. Or I may fly her parents to SG for a holiday and meet my mum at the same time (if it is even appropriate to consider that)
Come to think of it, while I really would like to bring her parents (esp the dad) down to SG for much deserved short holiday, it might be a bit funny for gal''s side to have to come to the guys side to talk about marriage issues. How is it done in LOS? What is normal and what permissible?
Also, she said the mum's place is going to become (or join) an Ampur soon so it will be better. What are the benefits and implications? Also their fruit farm is a few km from their house (used to ride their bicycle there before they had the motorbike), unfenced. How do they protect their crops from being stolen since there are no fencing (also cows come to eat the leaves!). Also, I heard that rearing cows provide a good source of income compared to vege and fruits farming, but cannot get too young stocks (though much cheaper). Is that true? Something that is food for thought for me now, no planned action yet.
Further it would be good for my mum to see the conditions of their living conditions and the village. Knowing her kindness, bless her soft heart, she will will probably "song san" them and do what she can to help them out too. I can already imagine the 1st thing she will do is ask me to buy a bigger fridge for them (cos she always say her own already huge fridge is too small). And she will probably remind me regularly if I had done my bit for them. Also good for my mum to see Film "in action" at home. Haha, think I got to teach my mum to control a bit, kekeke. Good for her to try Nuer food too, and mum can probably eat most of the Neur food, except may have to modify a bit the way the Frogs are cut. All other stuff I dun see any problem, including eating with hand cos mum is Nonya, so that would be 2nd nature. Spicy? No problem for her.
Also I am really interested in the "house-building competition". Can Bro TV or any one describe why and how this takes place? What are the stakes and who determines means who won or lose? How do the "winners" benefit? What happens to the losers? Or is ut all just a matter of face? Not something I think I should ask them directly now, cos it may be offensive.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
Come to think of it, while I really would like to bring her parents (esp the dad) down to SG for much deserved short holiday, it might be a bit funny for gal''s side to have to come to the guys side to talk about marriage issues. How is it done in LOS? What is normal and what permissible?
There's no restriction that the girl's parents can't come down to Sg to discuss about the marriage. But for the normal practice, the guy has to go to the parents and ask for their approval for the marriage like Sg. Also then you will have to discuss about the bridal price, this will be the most interesting part. I was quoted 100k baht during the discussion but I managed to bargain down to 69999baht after my girl thought that it was too heavy for me. Luckily haven't married yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by free
Also, she said the mum's place is going to become (or join) an Ampur soon so it will be better. What are the benefits and implications? Also their fruit farm is a few km from their house (used to ride their bicycle there before they had the motorbike), unfenced. How do they protect their crops from being stolen since there are no fencing (also cows come to eat the leaves!). Also, I heard that rearing cows provide a good source of income compared to vege and fruits farming, but cannot get too young stocks (though much cheaper). Is that true? Something that is food for thought for me now, no planned action yet.
If they join the ampur than the village will have a lot of extra benefits like able to apply for loan from the government will low interest, or occasionally they will help and support from the government. The authorities will also help the villages out in upgrading projects in housing, medical and farming so it will be a great move for them.
In villages the people respect each and other so they are not worried that their crops would be stolen or damaged. It's true that rearing animals are more profitable as they can be sold at a higher price. But there's a risk invovled also if the farm animals got disease, then all the animal will have to be slaughtered. Why do I know cos now my gf had just started a pig farm in Maesai and she told me that if everything goes well, there would be profit of at least 10-20k baht per month depending on the sales.
There's no restriction that the girl's parents can't come down to Sg to discuss about the marriage. But for the normal practice, the guy has to go to the parents and ask for their approval for the marriage like Sg. Also then you will have to discuss about the bridal price, this will be the most interesting part. I was quoted 100k baht during the discussion but I managed to bargain down to 69999baht after my girl thought that it was too heavy for me. Luckily haven't married yet.
Thanks. Haven't reached that point yet, though I know the max is 99,999baht. If I ever give that amount I am only doing it for her sake, cos her whole family dun know about her past and I may go along with that. Advice here is appreciated though, cos this will be the 1st time I will be going into negotiation when I do it. Previously it was Rain's mum who told me about the 99,999 baht and the honor it would give to the gal, as it shows her value. I assume this goes for an unmarried woman, and my tirak has not been married before. My farang friends almost always get upset over this price-naming thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangkok Master
If they join the ampur than the village will have a lot of extra benefits like able to apply for loan from the government will low interest, or occasionally they will help and support from the government. The authorities will also help the villages out in upgrading projects in housing, medical and farming so it will be a great move for them.
Ok, that would be good for them. Also I now understand why the mum a big time problem at one point and had to borrow money for fertilisers and farm stuff from a private individual instead of from the govt/bank. I was having a hard time trying to believe my tirak she told me her mum cannot borrow from the govt. I had decided to give her benefit of doubt then, and helped with the last 3 months of a 2 yr loan
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangkok Master
In villages the people respect each and other so they are not worried that their crops would be stolen or damaged. It's true that rearing animals are more profitable as they can be sold at a higher price. But there's a risk invovled also if the farm animals got disease, then all the animal will have to be slaughtered. Why do I know cos now my gf had just started a pig farm in Maesai and she told me that if everything goes well, there would be profit of at least 10-20k baht per month depending on the sales.
Cool, that's nice I think. Now I know why they dun even lock their house! Also, if things work out well the way I hope, I think I will think about cow farming. It was actually Dancer's classmate that told me about this.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
Thanks. Haven't reached that point yet, though I know the max is 99,999baht. .
KNN just give a blank cheque and ask them fill up themselves. just tell them "if you fill up too much, the cheque pock, not my problem, if you fill up too little, that's your problem".
Then up to you to put whatever amount you want in the bank lor...
KNN just give a blank cheque and ask them fill up themselves. just tell them "if you fill up too much, the cheque pock, not my problem, if you fill up too little, that's your problem".
Then up to you to put whatever amount you want in the bank lor...
thaivisitor
Hahaha, u mean u actually did that? Hopefully, from the way Film has been acting, I think she knows protecting me is also protecting ourselves. Am sure she will make noise (her noise bears a lot of weight) if they go overboard. But still good for me to have a guideline.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
Hahaha, u mean u actually did that? Hopefully, from the way Film has been acting, I think she knows protecting me is also protecting ourselves. Am sure she will make noise (her noise bears a lot of weight) if they go overboard. But still good for me to have a guideline.
No I didn't but a friend of mine actually did that when he got married (Malaysian marrying malaysian).
My in laws did not ask for a single baht. All her mum requested was for me to take care of her daughter and thank me for it.
My in laws did not ask for a single baht. All her mum requested was for me to take care of her daughter and thank me for it.
Seriously, I was lucky.
I think most likely that your in laws knew that you were reliable enough to take care of their daughter and them as well. I would say not all of the villagers are greedy and the bottomline is to makesure their daughter are in safe hands.
I'm sure even if they never ask for a single baht, we also not "kiam siap" until dun give anything.
I think most likely that your in laws knew that you were reliable enough to take care of their daughter and them as well. I would say not all of the villagers are greedy and the bottomline is to makesure their daughter are in safe hands.
I'm sure even if they never ask for a single baht, we also not "kiam siap" until dun give anything.
I am one who believes in Sharing what I have with the ones I love, even more so if that one is the person I am sharing my life with. If my Film and her parents do something similar, that is actually the best way to open the floodgates, but I won't tell them that of course.
__________________ Heaven on Earth - to be connected in heart, mind & body
28-03-2005, 02:48 AM
) and how I ate all the Neur food she cooks Neur-style - with my right hand.
