The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[aboo]

Originally Posted by mantikore

She seems not too keen to proceed with the customary rites too but no choice..... Asked her why and she gave me a shitty load of excuses.

If you love this girl, make her comfortable to have a frank discussion with you. Dont get upset with whatever she says. Encourage her to talk about what's troubling her. Maybe she has something in her past that she's not proud of (although you might think it's no big deal once you hear abt it) -eg already married in Malaysia but husband refuse to divorce and gone AWOL or she got some problem before with Singapore gahmen.

The gahmen also scare foreign WP holders. There's probably some stipulation in her WP approval that if she gets pregnant while on WP in Singapore, she will be repatriated and barred from future employment. Ask whether her WP documentation got this or not. Gahmen scared foreign worker come here give birth, kid get citizenship and contribute to the non-graduate population (based on someone's theory that non-graduate parents make non-graduate kids). I shit you not.

If this is what's worrying her, quickly go do the paperwork at the ROM, MOM, ICA etc now. Good luck.

Look at this..
Conditions:
If one of you is a Singaporean/PR and spouse-to-be is a foreigner -
If the foreigner spouse-to-be is a work permit holder or ex work permit holder, please check with the Controller of Work Permits, Ministry of Manpower. For application or information on eligibility to stay in Singapore after marriage, kindly check with the Immigration & Checkpoints Authority.

http://app.rom.gov.sg/internet/reg_info/rom_preparation.asp

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by GhostRay

I can understand that. I keep telling myself to keep away from my ex-gf. Keep telling myself no matter what they do like call me or sms or email me, I die die dun wanna go out with her. She keep using the excuse of the last date (I forget how many LAST date we went out already). Every time we went out, we behave like long lost lover. After the date end, I went home & keep regreting it.

Now I wish to really have a clean break before really getting out of control.

always treat every date as the last date becoz u neva noe wat might happen in future...i feel tat u still hv feelin for ur ex if not u wun hv feel tis way liao

treasure it while u can bcoz one day.everything might juz slip away..sorry if i sound out of pt here bcoz at tis moment, when i saw ur post i remember my ger..a few times when we went out..she wld ask if tis wld b our last date and i always ans her tat we neva noe wat will happen in future so lets treasure the present while we can..in the end..turn out tat we really hv our last date together..tho i still hv some regrets..i feel tat at least at tat moment of our last date..i hv given my all if not tried my best

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by mantikore

A scenario for you guys to ponder and gimme some solutions :
If you are a gal, you are pregnant with your bf's baby; unplanned pregnancy. You've decided to keep the baby and go through the customary rites BUT not registering the marriage. What could be the possible reasons?? Would be good if the ladies in this forum give their views too.

well..neva underestimate the power of a pregnancy..i noe of gers who are willing to marry the father even when she dun love him anymore..all bcoz of the child

i wld feel tat she doesnt seem to love the father tat much..whether is it bcoz of u or not..i not sure..but put urself in her shoes..imagine how difficult for u to break up with ur bf who is the father of ur child in ur stomach..tell ur family abt it and then marry the one u love? u wld hv lots of explainin to do and not forgettin all the stares u wld get durin the weddin with the new guy...facing this..its not surprisin tat the ger wld wan to settle down with the father of the child and save herself all this trouble..after the marriage, juz hope for the best

[mantikore]

Originally Posted by suteerak1099

sorry to hear about your scenario, but if i may... she's gonna be a the losing end if she's not going thru to legalize the marriage. cos the child will be deemed ilegitimate, and she'd be in for more troubles of financial, putting the kid thru education, getting subsidies...etc.

food for thought, if the husband-to-be decides to go on a disappearing act, would you shoulder the responsibility...?

For the last part, my gal buddy did mentioned about it too and I asked myself this too.... I dunno whether if i can/want shoulder the responsibility but I dun rule out the possibility...... I am trying hard to get her to register her marriage with the husband-to-be but seems like her mind is set?!? Maybe and I hope she will change her mind when the baby is born....
Will talk to her again after the CNY period, dun want to spoil everybody's festive mood now Sometimes I wonder where will all this lead me to:- misery or happiness or wat that I dunno....... It really doesn't matter if we get together or not but I just want her to be happy.... Me stupid or siao!? Maybe

Was wondering where did you guys get those nice meaning quotes under your signature? All of you seem to have so much ink in your stomachs!!

[mantikore]

Originally Posted by aboo

If you love this girl, make her comfortable to have a frank discussion with you. Dont get upset with whatever she says. Encourage her to talk about what's troubling her. Maybe she has something in her past that she's not proud of (although you might think it's no big deal once you hear abt it) -eg already married in Malaysia but husband refuse to divorce and gone AWOL or she got some problem before with Singapore gahmen.

The gahmen also scare foreign WP holders. There's probably some stipulation in her WP approval that if she gets pregnant while on WP in Singapore, she will be repatriated and barred from future employment. Ask whether her WP documentation got this or not. Gahmen scared foreign worker come here give birth, kid get citizenship and contribute to the non-graduate population (based on someone's theory that non-graduate parents make non-graduate kids). I shit you not.

Me not going to marry her now. I want her to register her marriage with her husband-to-be but she dun want..... Thanks for the concern

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Similar situation, just that she is not an ex and has not mentioned last date. Anyway, I always look forward to going out with her even though I know it does not last... enjoy while the sun shines. After umpteen times of heartbreak, the only thing I've learnt is not to take it too hard and enjoy my moments with her whenever available.

Ya, enjoy going out with her but since each other have their own lifestyle (she got her bf & I got my gf) why are we unable to let go fully. Know this is wrong but still thing have gone this way for both of us. We both knew we can never be together again in the future & we both knew this is unfair for our present partner. But somehow we still do it.

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

always treat every date as the last date becoz u neva noe wat might happen in future...i feel tat u still hv feelin for ur ex if not u wun hv feel tis way liao

treasure it while u can bcoz one day.everything might juz slip away..sorry if i sound out of pt here bcoz at tis moment, when i saw ur post i remember my ger..a few times when we went out..she wld ask if tis wld b our last date and i always ans her tat we neva noe wat will happen in future so lets treasure the present while we can..in the end..turn out tat we really hv our last date together..tho i still hv some regrets..i feel tat at least at tat moment of our last date..i hv given my all if not tried my best

Ya, maybe you are right, I do have a feeling for her cos she is is my 1st love. That why I cannot let go fully. As for the last date thing, I am always mentally prepare is the last date. So after our date is over, & I send her back. I am always 101% prepare that that would be our last date out so that I will not be so hurt again.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Deztruct

always treat every date as the last date becoz u neva noe wat might happen in future...i feel tat u still hv feelin for ur ex if not u wun hv feel tis way liao

treasure it while u can bcoz one day.everything might juz slip away..sorry if i sound out of pt here bcoz at tis moment, when i saw ur post i remember my ger..a few times when we went out..she wld ask if tis wld b our last date and i always ans her tat we neva noe wat will happen in future so lets treasure the present while we can..in the end..turn out tat we really hv our last date together..tho i still hv some regrets..i feel tat at least at tat moment of our last date..i hv given my all if not tried my best

This strikes a chord in me. I go into every date not only thinking it is the last but also thinking it will be the last time I ever see her again. My heart sinks at the end of every date... and this has been going on for more than 10 yrs. The only good part of the hurt is that it makes appreciating the joy even more important.

I guess we will always have regrets no matter what... the thing is knowing that we have lived that date to the fullest and done our utmost would hopefully somewhat dull that regret a little... just a little though.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by GhostRay

Ya, enjoy going out with her but since each other have their own lifestyle (she got her bf & I got my gf) why are we unable to let go fully. Know this is wrong but still thing have gone this way for both of us. We both knew we can never be together again in the future & we both knew this is unfair for our present partner. But somehow we still do it.

Question yourselves thoroughly before either of you take the plunge to marry your respective partners. I had 3 serious GFs at the same time and decided to marry one of them and let the other two go. I did not marry the one I love the most for reasons that seem so certain to me "at that time". The main problem was "at that time" was not applicable to "all of the time" which I learnt only after. After marriage, I realized that letting go of the person I loved the most was more difficult than I ever envisioned. Nevertheless, I have made my commitments and have to stick to them. I guess I have to live the life with the discomfort that I can never be with the one I love... that I have brought her down to the level of having affairs with me... that I have to sneak behind my good wife's back... difficult and tiring, not to mention too much guilt owed to both parties.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by GhostRay

Ya, maybe you are right, I do have a feeling for her cos she is is my 1st love. That why I cannot let go fully. As for the last date thing, I am always mentally prepare is the last date. So after our date is over, & I send her back. I am always 101% prepare that that would be our last date out so that I will not be so hurt again.

Its difficult to let go. I have this trouble myself. Not only are we hurting ourselves but we are hurting her too. I ask myself why I am making her go through this when I have nothing to offer her... Anyway, its easy to think and say but extremely difficult to do (maybe even impossible).

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Its difficult to let go. I have this trouble myself. Not only are we hurting ourselves but we are hurting her too. I ask myself why I am making her go through this when I have nothing to offer her... Anyway, its easy to think and say but extremely difficult to do (maybe even impossible).

We can make the movie Mission Impossible part 4 or 5 ourselves already. Is so hard & difficult to make decision concerning matter of the heart.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by GhostRay

We can make the movie Mission Impossible part 4 or 5 ourselves already. Is so hard & difficult to make decision concerning matter of the heart.

Not sure about you... but my version might end up as a porno.

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by surfer888

Not sure about you... but my version might end up as a porno.

Please reserve a front seat ticket for me. *go buy popcorn*

[Offspring]

Thank god i'm happily married. I can tell that my wife loves me alot. But knowing guys, i love to look around at other pretty thing too. So far, no ema but want to tao chiak must know how to wipe mouth clean.

In the beginning when we were 2gether, i liked her but felling not that deep. After so many years together, 7 i think, i can say she is the love of my life together with my little rascal.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by Offspring

In the beginning when we were 2gether, i liked her but felling not that deep. After so many years together, 7 i think, i can say she is the love of my life together with my little rascal.

Lucky lucky you! Many people would kill to be where you are. Remember what you have and I believe you will continue to enjoy your bliss.