Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 478

bigbirdbird · #**7156** 23-04-2016, 01:42 PM

Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up in the morning with a penis:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at the urinal.

6. Determine why you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch/Shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may be to others.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the reason for the light refraction that occurs between man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member.

And the # 1 thing a woman would do is:

1. Repeat # 9.

bigbirdbird · #**7157** 23-04-2016, 01:43 PM

pplause for the Stripper.....

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy Territory.
To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer From the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went Mad.
They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G
String. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on And on.
The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.
The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof Down.
But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes Backstage.
The Major asks her, "What happened?

How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor

Boys to clap with one hand.

NaMoLo · #**7158** 23-04-2016, 05:26 PM

Thank you for sharing jokes.

KayaRotti · #**7159** 23-04-2016, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

pplause for the Stripper.....

The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy Territory.
To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer From the nearby town.

She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went Mad.
They clapped for 5 minutes.

For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G
String. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.

The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on And on.
The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.

For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked.
The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof Down.
But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes Backstage.
The Major asks her, "What happened?

How come there was no clapping this time?"

She replied with a wicked smile, "Major, how do you expect those poor

Boys to clap with one hand.

Hahahaa this is a good one

ChiliDog · #**7160** 24-04-2016, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up in the morning with a penis:

My fav joke, thanks for this TS

MKKG · #**7161** 24-04-2016, 10:41 AM

Don't do this to your grandmother !!!!

http://poststuff2.entensity.net/0418...h-Swearing.php

HornyGrin · #**7162** 24-04-2016, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MKKG

Don't do this to your grandmother !!!!

http://poststuff2.entensity.net/0418...h-Swearing.php

Hahaha thanks for sharing

bigbirdbird · #**7163** 28-04-2016, 07:51 PM

A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on the creatures rather hideous appearance...

Princess: My but you are really an ugly frog!

Frog: I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me.

Princess: Well I've seen frogs with spells but, none as ugly as you.

Frog: Look, I told you lady, it's a Really bad spell.

Princess: Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into a Prince?

Frog: I don't know lady, a spell this bad will probably take a blow job.

bigbirdbird · #**7164** 28-04-2016, 07:54 PM

A newly weds went for honeymoon in train from Delhi to Mumbai.

Due to the heavy booking they had to sleep on separate berth.

The husband told the wife, to make it easy, you just tell me that you want a chappati, then I 'll climb onto your berth and we can make love.

So, as the train moves an hour later, the wife calls the husband, "Darling, I want a chappati."

The husband gets on with the task. When finished, the husband returned to his berth.

This process went for about THREE TIMES, and the husband had no choice but to oblige his new, young and beautiful wife.

What a nice honeymoon!

In the morning they sat in the buffet car for breakfast.

The husband asked the wife, "How was the chappati last night?" The wife replied,"I liked the FOURTH chappati...........the best!".

The husband was surprised and said, " I thought I gave you only THREE chappati!"

On the next table replied a husky sadarji, " I found the oven was still warm so I fried my chappati there too!"

baconly · #**7165** 08-05-2016, 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A newly weds went for honeymoon in train from Delhi to Mumbai.

Due to the heavy booking they had to sleep on separate berth.

The husband told the wife, to make it easy, you just tell me that you want a chappati, then I 'll climb onto your berth and we can make love.

So, as the train moves an hour later, the wife calls the husband, "Darling, I want a chappati."

The husband gets on with the task. When finished, the husband returned to his berth.

This process went for about THREE TIMES, and the husband had no choice but to oblige his new, young and beautiful wife.

What a nice honeymoon!

In the morning they sat in the buffet car for breakfast.

The husband asked the wife, "How was the chappati last night?" The wife replied,"I liked the FOURTH chappati...........the best!".

The husband was surprised and said, " I thought I gave you only THREE chappati!"

On the next table replied a husky sadarji, " I found the oven was still warm so I fried my chappati there too!"

lol smart stranger guy

Jostella · #**7166** 08-05-2016, 08:14 PM

Thanks bro bigbirdbird for all the good jokes

SouthernPride · #**7167** 09-05-2016, 02:59 AM

Very nice bro

Europa · #**7168** 09-05-2016, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jostella

Thanks bro bigbirdbird for all the good jokes

Me too thank you bro bigbirdbird.

Bentaken · #**7169** 10-05-2016, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by baconly

lol smart stranger guy

Was thinking the same too

bigbirdbird · #**7170** 10-05-2016, 07:46 PM

Discovered Benefits Of Worshipping And Adoring Your Man's Penis

Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.

If you swallow, the protein injested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.

A handjob a day keeps arthritis away.

Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill.

Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

Intercourse prevents divorce.

Regular fucking releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells.

Sex eliminates headaches.

Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard", triples your chances of getting into heaven.

Inviting an attractive friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.