Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by slaughter

..... until the sms i saw in her phone earlier on ...... that guy who sms her is her good friend's boyfriend. her girlfriend's phone was lost and so she lent her the phone to communicate with the boyfriend.

....... but seeing such a msg really worries me. wouldn't you all feel the same?

Actually its very difficult for us to judge on your case cos we dun know your level of relationship with her and the friends surrounding her... you know best...

Maybe i can offer some areas for thoughts.....

Do you know this friend of her's whose handphone is lost/spoilt? Are there a few of these sms or just one?

Cos if there are a few then her explaination might be justifed cos i dun think a sms exchange will only have one msg in the phone. If its just the ONE msg, then there is a chance that she may have deleted others before you saw the sms. However, if there are a few of these msgs, then it might just be that her friend is really using her phone to contact the guy.

At the end of the day, you should be the one to judge cos i feel you should have an understanding of when she is talking normally and when she is trying to cover things up. We, here in the forum will not know for sure.

Well, i have lived with a group of vn gals for some time and i have noted that they do use each others phones to contact their bfs when their own phones are lost or when the pre-paid values in their SIM cards are low. So there is a possibility that your gal might be telling the truth. So you'll have to assess and judge for yourself yeah?

All i can say is if you cherish the relationship, engaging a PI should be a last resort cos of the consequences related to it. Nothing beats developing a relationship based on communication, truth and trust. It's troublesome and its tiring but thats the way a good solid relationship is built upon...if even now you start to doubt the relationship, it just shows that you still have a long way to go in terms of knowing her better.

Humans have a common fear....and it is that of the 'unknown'. So do spend more time and effort to bridge the current gap and uncover the unknown part of the relationship. Do not let jealously, suspicion and unfounded assumptions to overwhelm yourself. Thats dangerous.

and like Bro SingViet have noted, its not going to be easy as well to get one ....

Well, you're the judge here and make sure you do it objectively and without bias or misguided assumptions....

Cheers!

[slaughter]

Originally Posted by casannova03

Actually its very difficult for us to judge on your case cos we dun know your level of relationship with her and the friends surrounding her... you know best...

Maybe i can offer some areas for thoughts.....

Do you know this friend of her's whose handphone is lost/spoilt? Are there a few of these sms or just one?

Cos if there are a few then her explaination might be justifed cos i dun think a sms exchange will only have one msg in the phone. If its just the ONE msg, then there is a chance that she may have deleted others before you saw the sms. However, if there are a few of these msgs, then it might just be that her friend is really using her phone to contact the guy.

At the end of the day, you should be the one to judge cos i feel you should have an understanding of when she is talking normally and when she is trying to cover things up. We, here in the forum will not know for sure.

Well, i have lived with a group of vn gals for some time and i have noted that they do use each others phones to contact their bfs when their own phones are lost or when the pre-paid values in their SIM cards are low. So there is a possibility that your gal might be telling the truth. So you'll have to assess and judge for yourself yeah?

All i can say is if you cherish the relationship, engaging a PI should be a last resort cos of the consequences related to it. Nothing beats developing a relationship based on communication, truth and trust. It's troublesome and its tiring but thats the way a good solid relationship is built upon...if even now you start to doubt the relationship, it just shows that you still have a long way to go in terms of knowing her better.

Humans have a common fear....and it is that of the 'unknown'. So do spend more time and effort to bridge the current gap and uncover the unknown part of the relationship. Do not let jealously, suspicion and unfounded assumptions to overwhelm yourself. Thats dangerous.

and like Bro SingViet have noted, its not going to be easy as well to get one ....

Well, you're the judge here and make sure you do it objectively and without bias or misguided assumptions....

Cheers!

hi casannova03, there was abt 3-4 smses from that nbr including a call. but unfortunately i could only remember that particular one because somehow when i saw that msg i found it a little fishy if u know what i mean. lol.

yes i think i need more time to get to know her even more before passing on a judgement. well she'll be coming over for a mth soon. i'll try to observe her a little more then.

thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

[ekemono]

Bro casanova stated some valid pointers. Viet gals do often share each other's phone to sms and make phone calls. As in my case, she and her friends also have used mine before. Then sometime later, I rec'd their friend's calls.

Communication and trust is crucial for a relationship to progress. We dun have to love blindly. But if we fear too much, then move on. Not gonna be happy anyway.
Also, Vietnamese ways are different from us local. So dun jump the gun yet but make an effort to observe and understand. Its a very thin line between a cheating gal and one that we constantly misunderstood due to either lack of understanding or simply our insecurity. But time will reveal them all.

[FL Lover]

Originally Posted by slaughter

hi casannova03, there was abt 3-4 smses from that nbr including a call. but unfortunately i could only remember that particular one because somehow when i saw that msg i found it a little fishy if u know what i mean. lol.
thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Bro, I got another suggestion for you. Cheaper alternative than hiring a PI.

Do you know that there is a software or service in the market that you can install into the hp and a copy of the incoming and outgoing sms will be forwarded to you including the receiver hp number?

I believe someone had discussed that solution in SBF before...You can find alot of such services online too. Might be useful to you. Of course when a copy of the sms is sent to you, it is transparent to the sender too.

If you are wondering how to install that service without yor gf knowing, just buy a new hp with a new hp number. You can even track a person outgoing and incoming calls as well. Our local mobile service providers had that service... I had used that before... Works like hell... sure catch if she try anything funny.....

Hope this is useful to you.

[SingViet]

I think our brother's gal is still in Vietnam. Vietnam has not even roll out 3G yet, so not sure if this service is available.

[chanyboy]

time would tell... Just that one has to spend these time to find out loh...that's the hardest part to swallow... u just keep asking yourself "when?" will you find out the truth & take the next action...it's tormenting right? You may have to 'ask yourself' like that, for a year or two & even longer.... ("gosh!!" u gasp...)

In the meantime, you spend & spend...for whatever 'magic' reason, you questioned yourself thereafter 'why?'...

That's the "excruciating" pain many went thro, I believe. You will come to realise the factors the bros mentioned here before; you encounter or live the scenario that seems familiar (you read it here!), you come to accept the consequences which sound familiar (you read it in SBF!!) & reasoning you're getting (you read about it also in SBF!!!); you either:

get more worried - and dunno what to do after spending so 'much'
get numb - and slowly the "relationship" fades away
get the 2nd reward - that a real relationship about to begins

This is just onli step#1 oi!! More to come..(perhaps, post-marriage stuff; which may be another topic/thread for discussion)..

[slaughter]

Originally Posted by ekemono

Communication and trust is crucial for a relationship to progress. We dun have to love blindly. But if we fear too much, then move on. Not gonna be happy anyway.
Also, Vietnamese ways are different from us local. So dun jump the gun yet but make an effort to observe and understand. Its a very thin line between a cheating gal and one that we constantly misunderstood due to either lack of understanding or simply our insecurity. But time will reveal them all.

yep, i totally agree with what you've said. i think i'll just take time and see what happens. just see how things go as time goes by.

Originally Posted by FL Lover

Bro, I got another suggestion for you. Cheaper alternative than hiring a PI.

Do you know that there is a software or service in the market that you can install into the hp and a copy of the incoming and outgoing sms will be forwarded to you including the receiver hp number?

I believe someone had discussed that solution in SBF before...You can find alot of such services online too. Might be useful to you. Of course when a copy of the sms is sent to you, it is transparent to the sender too.

If you are wondering how to install that service without yor gf knowing, just buy a new hp with a new hp number. You can even track a person outgoing and incoming calls as well. Our local mobile service providers had that service... I had used that before... Works like hell... sure catch if she try anything funny.....

Hope this is useful to you.

haha. thanks for the suggestion bro. it is a pretty useful suggestion. i'm familiar with that svc because i happen to have working experiences in local telcos but well, it is not able to support any vn nbr as yet and i think i don't wish to do any extreme actions for now.

Originally Posted by SingViet

I think our brother's gal is still in Vietnam. Vietnam has not even roll out 3G yet, so not sure if this service is available.

yes as you brought up, the svc not available to vn nbrs.

on the side note, wow. this forum really rox! it's really nice to see so many helpful bros provide us newbies with all the helpful thoughts and suggestions.

[slaughter]

Originally Posted by chanyboy

time would tell... Just that one has to spend these time to find out loh...that's the hardest part to swallow... u just keep asking yourself "when?" will you find out the truth & take the next action...it's tormenting right? You may have to 'ask yourself' like that, for a year or two & even longer.... ("gosh!!" u gasp...)

In the meantime, you spend & spend...for whatever 'magic' reason, you questioned yourself thereafter 'why?'...

That's the "excruciating" pain many went thro, I believe. You will come to realise the factors the bros mentioned here before; you encounter or live the scenario that seems familiar (you read it here!), you come to accept the consequences which sound familiar (you read it in SBF!!) & reasoning you're getting (you read about it also in SBF!!!); you either:

get more worried - and dunno what to do after spending so 'much'
get numb - and slowly the "relationship" fades away
get the 2nd reward - that a real relationship about to begins

This is just onli step#1 oi!! More to come..(perhaps, post-marriage stuff; which may be another topic/thread for discussion)..

haha bro chanyboy, all the scenarios sounds pretty familiar from what i've seen here so far. i'm aware of the consequences. of course most of us would pray and hope for the '2nd reward - that a real relationship about to begins' but sometimes lady luck doesn't smile at the same person forever. as for spending wise, for me so far the spending is quite moderate and from what i see she is pretty thrifty. the amount i spend up til now is quite reasonable from my pt of view. anyway in any relationships be it with girls from which ever countries, problems will always arise and it's up to the couples themselves to overcome it together or just run away from it.

[haoyunqiqi]

Every difficult to understand them.

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by haoyunqiqi

Every difficult to understand them.

Oops, i think you mean `VERY difficult to understand them'. Not really that difficult. After sometime, you will be used to their way of life and their way of doing things.

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by SingViet

After sometime, you will be used to their way of life and their way of doing things.

Agreed! Singaporean are associated with kiasu-ism/kiasi-ism...you dun really have to look hard to see singaporeans overseas....especially at buffet restaurants...

For vietnamese, well, maybe I just reveal my point of view of most of their females:

1.) Normally associated with the "do first talk later" mentality ( They dun really believe in what you say until proven wrong...In fact they like to prove you wrong!)...let's just say they are the direct enemies of 'procrastination'

2.) Quite a number have quick fiery tempers but most anger sudsides as quickly as they come!! (if you know the correct way of 'fire-fighting')

3.) Tend to adhere to the "mouth hard, heart soft" character.

4.) Fiercely loyal to their "selected" partner.

5.) Fiercely patriotic to family.

6.) Likes to make decisions.

7.) Very good at keeping/saving money!

8.) Are absolutely disgusted with the slightest inkling of lies towards them. (you promised something, you better do...if not dun promise!!)

9.) Are not afraid of physical hardships but very frail emotionally.

10.) Good mating partners!!!!!


Ok, i'm done....Comments anyone??

[jackbl]

知她们莫诺你....

Originally Posted by casannova03

for vietnamese, well, maybe i just reveal my point of view of most of their females:

Ok, i'm done....comments anyone??

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by casannova03

4.) Fiercely loyal to their "selected" partner.

7.) Very good at keeping/saving money!

Ok, i'm done....Comments anyone??

Other points i agree. But these 2 points above, i don't really agree. These 2 points will be true if you can provide her with good life and your family not too worried about finances. If you cannot provide yr vietnamese partner with a good life, then forget about the above 2 points. But of course, their definition of `good life' is not as demanding as the singaporean ladies.

[slaughter]

Originally Posted by casannova03

I dunno about others but i'll just relate my case...

My wife found out about a fling i had while she was back in VN. She was absolutely angered!! "Tsunasmic response" from her would be an understatement.

Anyway, i explained to her that i never actually did anything more than exchange of sms and meeting a few times at the pub...I showed her my "plan" of life together, the future that i wanted with her and my love for her. We had a heart to heart talk and i apologised for my moment of folly. This happened after we just got married for a few months! So it was kind of a great test..well, we've survived and I must really credit her for sticking by me all these years.

By my own standards, i have not given her a good life and we're not even talking about luxuries and diamonds or whatever. But she has stuck by me all this while. When my business wounded up sometime last year, she took it upon herself to contribute to our family and starting working and picking up skills. Cos i was a spender rather than a keeper, she took up the task of budgeting expenses.

As bro Singviet pointed out, "good life" could be anything! Its a perceived value and means differently to different people.

So i am glad my wife is not one of the "spenders" and does not crave luxury stuffs. All she wants is having a good family with enough income to own a house and provide for our daughter.

Lucky for me?? Well, maybe.....but I chose her not for her looks in the first place, there're better ones around...but for her outlook towards life...the Vietnmese Life Partner that i wanted.

So i guess maybe one lesson for all bros is to find out what the gal's expectation of life is....tell her your means and your abilities and your vision...is she able to fit into your life? Yes, good...NO?...move on...no point in forcing the union and end up with costly divorces later....

Cheers!!

wow bro casannova03, seems like you've gotten yourself a very good wife. lucky you.

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Other points i agree. But these 2 points above, i don't really agree. These 2 points will be true if you can provide her with good life and your family not too worried about finances. If you cannot provide yr vietnamese partner with a good life, then forget about the above 2 points. But of course, their definition of `good life' is not as demanding as the singaporean ladies.

Hmmm, i've realised these two points are quite subjective anyway....thanks for the highlight!

I guess a lot has to do with how you deal with the relationship as it will have a lot of impact on her loyalty and the way she use money!

I dunno about others but i'll just relate my case...

My wife found out about a fling i had while she was back in VN. She was absolutely angered!! "Tsunasmic response" from her would be an understatement.

Anyway, i explained to her that i never actually did anything more than exchange of sms and meeting a few times at the pub...I showed her my "plan" of life together, the future that i wanted with her and my love for her. We had a heart to heart talk and i apologised for my moment of folly. This happened after we just got married for a few months! So it was kind of a great test..well, we've survived and I must really credit her for sticking by me all these years.

By my own standards, i have not given her a good life and we're not even talking about luxuries and diamonds or whatever. But she has stuck by me all this while. When my business wounded up sometime last year, she took it upon herself to contribute to our family and starting working and picking up skills. Cos i was a spender rather than a keeper, she took up the task of budgeting expenses.

As bro Singviet pointed out, "good life" could be anything! Its a perceived value and means differently to different people.

So i am glad my wife is not one of the "spenders" and does not crave luxury stuffs. All she wants is having a good family with enough income to own a house and provide for our daughter.

Lucky for me?? Well, maybe.....but I chose her not for her looks in the first place, there're better ones around...but for her outlook towards life...the Vietnmese Life Partner that i wanted.

So i guess maybe one lesson for all bros is to find out what the gal's expectation of life is....tell her your means and your abilities and your vision...is she able to fit into your life? Yes, good...NO?...move on...no point in forcing the union and end up with costly divorces later....

Cheers!!