Guys Point of View

[CheG]

To continue from my earlier post:

Many people actually stay trapped in a relationship out of fear of being alone again. You see it everywhere, maybe if you take a closer look at your friends and relatives you'll notice this too. If this applies to you, look at it this way, better to break off now and start afresh then to do this when you're married with 3 kids etc, 10-15 years down the road.

People always compromise by saying "oh but he's a decent guy, treats me nice and has stable job." These are secondary to the most important issue, are you happy to be with him and can you spend the rest of your life with him? Similarly is you bf still with you because he thinks this way?

At the same time as examining your feelings for your boyfriend and the relationship, look at your bf too. You said that he's not the type you can tell things directly to. So how do you communicate important issues with him? Is there no communication in your relationship? If youcan't talk to him directly to address problems that you have again you have to ask why you're with this chap.

I think ultimately your boyfriend's porn and masturbation thing is a small issue indicating bigger problems. Men surf porn all the time, women read silly romance books and gossip. Different strokes for different folks. Sometimes men like to masturbate because it's quick and easy. More important, it's all about the guy feeling good. He doesn't have to worry or feel obliged to make you feel good you see. He knows after many years practice exactly what to do and what feels good. It's like having your back scratched! If however, this becomes his focus and he'd rather do all this over spendign time with you, then he has a problem.

Despite what you said that your relationship is fine except for sex, unfortunately i don't believe it is. My conclusion is simple, it's everyting else in your relationship that has the problem and all these affect your sex life and your bf's behaviour.

Sorry for the long winded reply. I just hope this is helpful to you.

[fenni]

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that.
just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

[ToxicQueen]

Originally Posted by fenni

Hey guys,
I know it's weird for a gal to post here. but just to gather some views.
caught my guy surfing this website
anyway, would u guys rather "do it yourself" than with ur partner?
cause everytime i'm asleep or i'm away, he will have his own "past time".
which i find annoying. n he tells me that it's way easier n less effort to do it himself!
any guys feel that way too? I don't know whether he's telling the truth or he's just sick of me.

and pls do not give lewd comments ya?

haha, i also found out this forum thru my ex. bf. i saw him surf this web, then i also join in the fun.

[Cntl_Alt_Del]

Originally Posted by fenni

just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

Haiz... Sadly to say, its time to move on, fenni. There might be a better forest ahead of u. Stay +ve..

CAD

fenni,

I hope u don't mind a woman's point of view

Ironically, the ex-bf whom i parted ways with (cos he cheated on me), introduced me to this website. The difference was, i did not chanced upon him surfing SBF. He told me abt it and we surfed together..explored other ways of having sex.

Guys are visual animals whereas women are emotionally-inclined (there're exceptions of cos).

My 2 cents' worth is : the issue here is not so much abt surfing such sites..more abt the insecurity and distrust u harbor since he cheated on u b4. U may be used to being together with him hence couldn't bear to leave tis r/s.

Time to do some thinking..the choice is urs.

take care dear..

[solidrock]

Originally Posted by fenni

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that. just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

For a relationship to work, there must be mutual agreement in most areas. Most important of all, both must have a common expectation as to what they want out of the relationship. Where they want it headed. A common vision.

This is the big picture.

If this big picture is not even clear, forget about the details. The relationship will stagnate after a while. You'll find yourself going in circles.

Sex in a marriage, though important as a catalyst and an enhancer, is not everything. So if this aspect is not going too well, all is still not lost. Your mate is a whole person with various faculties, intellectual emotional, physical, etc. What the heck, he is not just one giant penis, you know.
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[Torch_Man]

Originally Posted by CheG

To continue from my earlier post:

Many people actually stay trapped in a relationship out of fear of being alone again. You see it everywhere, maybe if you take a closer look at your friends and relatives you'll notice this too. If this applies to you, look at it this way, better to break off now and start afresh then to do this when you're married with 3 kids etc, 10-15 years down the road.

People always compromise by saying "oh but he's a decent guy, treats me nice and has stable job." These are secondary to the most important issue, are you happy to be with him and can you spend the rest of your life with him? Similarly is you bf still with you because he thinks this way?

Despite what you said that your relationship is fine except for sex, unfortunately i don't believe it is. My conclusion is simple, it's everyting else in your relationship that has the problem and all these affect your sex life and your bf's behaviour.

totally agree wif bro CheG

Relationship is an ongoing process,
communication & trust (so-called basic, so simple yet very few actually does) r very essential, truthful listening and honest speakin r needed to solve our differences & compromise.
hwever Our habit oso plays a part (eg: time spent wif tis partner 4 so long <3-8 yrs>, izzit so simply 2 really give in or actually give up) dat's y ter r so many, so many extra encounters (rangin from casual flirtin - ONS - serious divorce, etc) wif d opposite sex. we r all lookin 4 sumthing different from our actual partner.

WE LOOK OUTSIDE, RATHER THAN WITHIN OURSELVES.
WE CREATE PROBLEM (AFFAIRS), THAN RESOLVE WITH OUR PARTNERS.

my opinion:
Feelings/Emotions r sumtimes so confusing/happy/yet deadly at other times.
i've bin thru it, so i'm straightforward abt my wants/needs.

jz share views

[CheG]

Originally Posted by fenni

i agree that there are many issues resulting in that.
just spoken to him,asking him wat he would like to have n stuff. but when i tell him mine, he's totally uninterested and does nt wan to do aniting abt it. oh well. case closed. i give up.

I hope asking him what he would like to have conversation wasn't regarding specific sexual acts to be performed!

On a more serious note, with a response like that, (and again, bros here don't have all the facts so we are making many assumptions here) the question of whether he truly cares about you and the relationship has to be asked.

I don't wish to advocate you breaking up with him but maybe the two of you really need to see a relationship counselor to work out exactly what feelings you have for each other and what each of you actually want out of the relationship. Sometimes, talking to each other directly is awkward and difficult. Maybe through a neutral party both of you can open up about your through feelings, desires and misgivings about the relationship.

I hope it works out for you.

[axor3333]

Looking like the heat is on. Let it cool down find sometime later and hv a good talk about it. Yourself hv to be cool first before u bring up the subject

Don't give up so easy

[SassySammy]

Sis Fenni, if u cant trust him as much as u did b4 he cheated on u, then dont waste each other's time. It seems that he doesn't open up much even after u've tried to improve on the sex aspect.

either u live with sex being a boring, negligible part of the r/s, take things slowly (who knows he might slowly open up), or jus move on.

It's hard to trust someone who have cheated on u before, but if u dont, jus like blue gal said, there will always be lots of question marks and it's tiring!!

take care babe, dont focus too much on him or u will be devastated if he disappoints u again. Spend more time on other things like family, frens or career!! Trust me, when u r busy with stuff, u wont have much time to suspect yr bf.

[solidrock]

Originally Posted by tara0901

Guys are visual animals whereas women are emotionally-inclined (there're exceptions of cos).

This is one of the major differences between guys and gals that is the cause of much misunderstanding.
.
.

[letsdoit29]

Hmmm.....u guys are really funny lor..hahhaa

[alvman]

Sis Fenni I would like to sit on the fence on your problem

My wife has found out about SBF through her spying but when I explain it to her she understood. Although she did suan me abit about me cheating on her on an inanimate object rather then a real woman (pathetic suan, and reverse psycology)

As for your BF wanking off on 'personal time'....I think it is ok but not to the extreme of an wanking addiction. Which in any case Docs always say that anything done in extreme is detrimental to one's health.

Yes! Communication and Trust are key factors......if he does not communicate, and is sooo (forgive my french) d**b A*s not to be tactical when wanking and is such a failure in cheating then He deserves to be DUMPED....

But then again......every bro deserves a chance and if we analyse he did nothing but wank which is a normal and healthy thing to do (not in excess)....surfing SBF has done wonders for my sex life with my wife!

I tell my bros and sis alike, in life we always have to make tough decisions some good some bad but WE still make the decisions and never regret them!

Hope it helps......sorry for being long winded tooo.....

Oh yes! If any bros and sis do zap me....pls let me know why and who are you...! Appreciate it ! Juz trying to share with sis fenni my experience.

[Deluxe8]

Fenni, is very common for guys to diy..just take it as a time off for them or me, to let the mindsoul do their own wonders but for my experience, i would try my best to keep this habit from my CO knowing, cos woman are complicate and will ask and dig and ask and dig...my poor ears will suffer, second to it cos I really treasure our r/s . if your bf is doing what I'm doing than is rather on the positive side but it since like he kinda act blur attitude which I think he hinting your something or getting sick...sort of. Try asking why don't you guys get marry and settle in for a baby. your destiny will reveal if you post him the questions. It maybe too straight forward but I think is effectives.Take care.