Need advice on Sour marriage life..

[eurekasster]

Bro Topcook1, don't be so stupid.
Woman Charter in Singapore will make you suffer. You know the 972 DJ Chen Jian Bin ?
If she want to divorce, die die negotiate with her no need to pay monthly to her and don't share half of your property and money with her.

[ahlang1919]

Hi TS,

First n foremost, gather urself and get out of the vicious cycle towards self destruction!!

To begin with neither u nor ur wifey is at fault. It's just that both of u are out of focus. I do understand that 10 yrs is a long journey as both of u started from frenship to courtship and now kinship.

Let me bring u back 10 years ago,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Is she the one that u yearned to see and chat with after your day's work? IS she the one that u have been thinking about with nothing but her images?? Have u ever forget her birthday gifts that tooku great pains to choose trying to surprise and adore her? Was she the one that made u go bonkers and is ur top priority before your parents??

I believe most of the answers are yes and I guess as humans,we have always in one way or another took things for granted including myself.

Its only until u lose it that u cherish it. No one's perfect n marriage is not a process of seeking perfection but rather perfecting the imperfections.

Bro, it's high time u do some soul searching and think "What I can do " for the family and "What have I not done enough".

If u put all things aside and re-woo her again with the same passion, if not more passionately, things may take its turn.
Never try never know, n quit the I have tried attitude! If u have tried n failed, its because u did them the wrong way. Otherwise how u guys ended up in a marriage? U must have done something suave and right to win her heart.

If u dont feel like bonking her then why u guys manage to have kids, not one but two? Two boring and accidental bonks that took place?? THINK!Many bros bonk till their balls shrink just to get one child and u are so blessed ok!

Start afresh! Brush everything aside, start wooing her like your sweetheart 10years or 10 days ago. Rekindle the passion, marriage after a decade needs to be recharged. Need to spend lotsa $$$ to shower her with gifts??

Answer is no coz it's ur HEART that matters, she had lost her faith and luv in you. So bro better hurry sian her - gd gem lobang before she's up for grabs!!

Gd luck Bro!

[69ihateu]

Make your very best try, also believe whatever the outcome is fate and fact.
Good luck.

[topcook1]

Finally she has declares she has no feeling for me. She would like to divorce and have the children custody. She told me that he feeling had faded off for 9 years and told me that I can find someone better than her . I just keep quiet and see how.

[Wins88]

Bro, so sad to hear this.

One of the most popular reason for any couple going thru marriage problems is always "Stay together for the kids sake".
I think "stay together for the kids sake" is wrong. How would a young child grow up normal if he/she thinks that growing up with his/her dad and mom sleeping in seperate bedrooms and/or are constantly fighting and at each others throats? The children will grow up thinking this is normal and themselves will have screwed up marriages later in life.

I think it is important for both parties to sit down and at least be honest with one another as to why they want to break up. I think in TS case, he should ask his wife to tell him exactly the REAL reason why she wants to exit the marriage - and settle this divorce amicably if they cant work things out.

Bro, I can only wish you the very best of luck and sometimes, things happen in our lives for a reason.

[Iemanishere]

Bro, try to keep the marriage, but if it don't work out.. Try ur very best to keep ur kid by ur side..

[mrham]

Originally Posted by sgjoey

Looking for other sex partners, whether FL or having affairs are examples of non-monogamous behavior. Do not be too quick to label it as bad or good. It may simply be natural.

Can a marriage survive non-monogamous behaviour? Yes, provided both partners want to remain together. If the wish to remain together is absent, a marriage could fall apart, non-monogamous behavior or not.

I agree!


That aside, A friend of mine is going through a similar patch wif his wife. I guess sometimes the best way to go is to worry about making yourself a better person. Hopefully one day she can come and reason and talk to you.

[vhornypanda]

I can't say much from my part bro. All I can say, stay strong, that's what I'm trying to do now. At least yours is 10yrs, mine haven't even reach 5.

[apemcc]

Not here to judge, but I am also in a rather similar situation. My wife also somehow listens to her mother and has made a strain on the marriage. After 10 years of marriage, I made the tough move to relocate to Singapore. I've been here over 2 years and my wife has not made any effort to come. I've asked for divorce but she has not agreed, nor has agreed to go for counselling.

To share my 2cents on your situation, I think a divorce is the best solution... Especially for your kids. It is not a good image / situation for kids to grow up with parents not in talking terms. Perhaps after a divorce / separation, you could focus on making your kids' future a little better. Children do understand what goes on, though they may not know how to show it or what to say. Psychological is imminent.

If your wife has made it clear counselling is useless, time for you to make your own plans.

[alvinskoh]

Bro;

I went thru the similar situation. I can relate how I handle the situation
If you are not in control of your wife, is better to play show hand.

You have to play like a poker keep cool dun lose your temper ,in the game either you win or lose. No such things as draw.

Two possibility if she wants a divorce :

First possibility , she find you boring and not romantic like during court ship. Thing you done ;Send flower and surpises blah blah. She threaten divorce to make you fear of losing her; so you will continue to do what she wants.

If you give in to what she wants , you will suffer continue to be her slave.
She will use the same tactic again in the future

If you agreed to divorce her, she might back down and patch back the relationship.


Second possibility , she found someone to give her attention and care. If that is the case is better to give up this relationship. You will suffer if you hang on.

Divorce is long and painful process, you have to negotiate dun blindly sign the paper.
If she desperate wants a divorce , make sure you take the children with joint custody with her and dun pay maintenance to her.

Cheers bro.

May the force be with you.

Honestly, I feels so much better after divorce like a free man but painful in the beginning. Is because after many years of building up a family and then destroy in days.

[topcook1]

Sigh went home last night and she told me that she is going for Bintan trip with her friend for this weekend..sigh..asked me to take care of my daughters...

[alan0338]

sometimes letting go is better than clinging on ...

but always easier said than done ...

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by topcook1

Sigh went home last night and she told me that she is going for Bintan trip with her friend for this weekend..sigh..asked me to take care of my daughters...

Note this down.

It might comes in handy in your custody battle.

Let her go to as many such trips as possible (this could be a good opportunity to collect evidence of her infidelity).

Start taking notes of all these tiny nitty stuffs especially with kids matters.

You must be ready to enter the battle with a determined, cold and hardened heart, leave no stone unturned to accomplish your mission.

Lastly, go get a job

[hosayliaola]

alway have your kids in mind bro

[tawhooboy]

hi bro,
just want to share my experience with you....
mine too, was a 10yr marriage, 2 kids - one 9yr (boy) & one 6yr(girl).

today, just finished Mediation session & finally all resolved.
Divorce is never about ourselves. children are the innocent victims.
They never should be deserving this......

here's how i manage to stay "alive" during divorcing/separation period, after she moved out, taking kids with her.

with these 3 priorities in my life......

1) CHILDREN....whatever you think, decide, do....act with their best interest in mind. give them your very SINCERE best, spend whatever time you have with them, let them have GOOD memories of you and they will feel your fatherly love for them.

2) YOURSELF...take good care of yourself, love & respect yourself. have enough rest, exercise, stay healthy.....dont fall sick or worse, suffer from any illness...ie depression, cancer ,etc.
Children will always need you as their father, even if they dont stay with you.

3) CAREER....start to take action, small positive steps towards your financial goal. Find work, start a business, learn new skills, even volunteering your services & helping others will make you feel great...as there are other less fortunate.

It takes only ONE person to do this....YOURSELF.
Believer in yourself, change your perspectives,..bit by bit...
and then everything else will slowly fall in place.....you've a NEW life !!