Marriage Problems? Post here and we will help...

[Xyberduke]

Originally Posted by downguy

Together for almost 12 years. rom-ed for 3 years. Just right after cny, realized she is having affair with other man. We don't live together and it was almost 3 weeks since we spoke/see each other. It was not the 1st time she did it to me. 1st time(emotional affair) it happens, i was begging for her to stay and basically i was doing all the pleading. This time, i was like half given up and just waiting for her to confess and explain to me.

some info:

- We both coming to mid 30s. no kids
- i treated her reasonably well, better than how she treat me.
- we have had our good times. Go for holiday almost every year after we started our working life
- she is having some resentment towards me and in generally, she love herself more(selfish minded)
- no, i do not know who's is the other man.
- she has zero savings. compulsive spendthrift.


Right now i dunno what's my next step. To wait and see or? My friends told me dont bother with her and dont contact her.I still wanted to salvage the relationship and was thinking to go for individual counselling. Feeling very down especially during the weekend where we always spend time together. Bros with constructive advice is hugely appreciated

1. Are you still having your 'good times' or when was your last holiday with her? Well, if it is not too long ago, you need to first ask yourself why your marriage is in this state now before looking at her contributions. This gives you a clearer picture.

2. Only ROM-ed, not staying together, i.e. no properties? Why? Whose decision was it? HDB is government's gift of money to you. Or are you still waiting for your flat?

3. No kids, good. Do not have kids until you sort out your marriage whether the positive or negative way.

4. Erhem... a lot will disagree but I will say that most ladies that I know of born after '80 love themselves more than their husband... most ladies that I know of born after '90 love themselves more than even their parents. And these demand to be pampered in one way or another. Only a few exceptions are left.



If it is too difficult for you to answer or there are hidden issues, and this is really the 2nd time she has been unfaithful to you, with you begging her to stay on the earlier occasion..... and you were never ever unfaithful to her or mistreated her prior to that... stop initiating any contact with her and see how it goes.... if this last for 2 years, you know it is over.

[Captainoceania77]

Originally Posted by downguy

Together for almost 12 years. rom-ed for 3 years. Just right after cny, realized she is having affair with other man. We don't live together and it was almost 3 weeks since we spoke/see each other. It was not the 1st time she did it to me. 1st time(emotional affair) it happens, i was begging for her to stay and basically i was doing all the pleading. This time, i was like half given up and just waiting for her to confess and explain to me.

some info:

- We both coming to mid 30s. no kids
- i treated her reasonably well, better than how she treat me.
- we have had our good times. Go for holiday almost every year after we started our working life
- she is having some resentment towards me and in generally, she love herself more(selfish minded)
- no, i do not know who's is the other man.
- she has zero savings. compulsive spendthrift.


Right now i dunno what's my next step. To wait and see or? My friends told me dont bother with her and dont contact her.I still wanted to salvage the relationship and was thinking to go for individual counselling. Feeling very down especially during the weekend where we always spend time together. Bros with constructive advice is hugely appreciated

When a woman heart is dead , no point holding back. Is better to let go and move on. Even 100 bulls cant bring her love and heart back. Is added advantage you have no children. My advice is to divorce .

[downguy]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

1. Are you still having your 'good times' or when was your last holiday with her? Well, if it is not too long ago, you need to first ask yourself why your marriage is in this state now before looking at her contributions. This gives you a clearer picture.

2. Only ROM-ed, not staying together, i.e. no properties? Why? Whose decision was it? HDB is government's gift of money to you. Or are you still waiting for your flat?

3. No kids, good. Do not have kids until you sort out your marriage whether the positive or negative way.

4. Erhem... a lot will disagree but I will say that most ladies that I know of born after '80 love themselves more than their husband... most ladies that I know of born after '90 love themselves more than even their parents. And these demand to be pampered in one way or another. Only a few exceptions are left.



If it is too difficult for you to answer or there are hidden issues, and this is really the 2nd time she has been unfaithful to you, with you begging her to stay on the earlier occasion..... and you were never ever unfaithful to her or mistreated her prior to that... stop initiating any contact with her and see how it goes.... if this last for 2 years, you know it is over.

- We just had our holiday last dec.
- we rented out as we both stay at our own parent house. i prefer to stay together but she prefer her parent home as nearer to her work place.

[heye]

Originally Posted by downguy

Together for almost 12 years. rom-ed for 3 years. Just right after cny, realized she is having affair with other man. We don't live together and it was almost 3 weeks since we spoke/see each other. It was not the 1st time she did it to me. 1st time(emotional affair) it happens, i was begging for her to stay and basically i was doing all the pleading. This time, i was like half given up and just waiting for her to confess and explain to me.

some info:

- We both coming to mid 30s. no kids
- i treated her reasonably well, better than how she treat me.
- we have had our good times. Go for holiday almost every year after we started our working life
- she is having some resentment towards me and in generally, she love herself more(selfish minded)
- no, i do not know who's is the other man.
- she has zero savings. compulsive spendthrift.


Right now i dunno what's my next step. To wait and see or? My friends told me dont bother with her and dont contact her.I still wanted to salvage the relationship and was thinking to go for individual counselling. Feeling very down especially during the weekend where we always spend time together. Bros with constructive advice is hugely appreciated

Bro i had been thru the same predicament... Time will heal or pain , furthurmore we have kids. A repeated offender will nv learn their mistake. All the mistake will be point at you instead.

After u been thru the worst u will find urself silly for holding on so long.
It takes me 2 years to let go but it worthwhile.
U get to love urself more.

[downguy]

Originally Posted by heye

Bro i had been thru the same predicament... Time will heal or pain , furthurmore we have kids. A repeated offender will nv learn their mistake. All the mistake will be point at you instead.

After u been thru the worst u will find urself silly for holding on so long.
It takes me 2 years to let go but it worthwhile.
U get to love urself more.

Yes. This was true for my case. When I found out, instead of explaining to me, she was pushing all the blame to me. It's very sad to know someone you love and spent 12 years of the time with, suddenly change and do this to you.

[hugs]

Logically u should just moves back to stay with your parents and pay rent to your parents. Admit to your parents that it didnt work out and pour out to them. This solved a number of issue. 1. You pay rent to parent= you are a grown up living with parents, not living off parents. 2. You build bonding with parents who are old now and so they receive genuine love from you and you also receive from them. 3. More expensive to rent outside alone. 4. You need someone else to love you besides that gf and your parents provide love.

Now we talk about about the different type of love you will need, besides those from parents and siblings.

You saw some bad personalities and behavour of your gf. You dont like it so much now. You are unhappy. You hope something will change. You..hope a marriage will change all these..? Are you hoping that? You are? Thats cunning hahaha but after we secretly laughed over your plan..lets honestly think it through. Can a marriage change her?

It is your future. You decide.

[downguy]

Originally Posted by hugs

Logically u should just moves back to stay with your parents and pay rent to your parents. Admit to your parents that it didnt work out and pour out to them. This solved a number of issue. 1. You pay rent to parent= you are a grown up living with parents, not living off parents. 2. You build bonding with parents who are old now and so they receive genuine love from you and you also receive from them. 3. More expensive to rent outside alone. 4. You need someone else to love you besides that gf and your parents provide love.

Now we talk about about the different type of love you will need, besides those from parents and siblings.

You saw some bad personalities and behavour of your gf. You dont like it so much now. You are unhappy. You hope something will change. You..hope a marriage will change all these..? Are you hoping that? You are? Thats cunning hahaha but after we secretly laughed over your plan..lets honestly think it through. Can a marriage change her?

It is your future. You decide.

i pay the installment for my parent flat and i give them monthly allowance for their expenses..

yeah. i have decided.