More than i could handle

[shariffa]

tornbitwin2,

Everything happened for a reason and sometimes we should not judge if its a bad thing or why one is so unfortunate. I believe that you should have gone through a long process before accept your daughter's condition from Denial to Frustration and now Acceptance.

I wonder if you have pondered about life before as deep as now? Have u tried visiting temple/churches and cried your heart out and made promises to God for exchange in return for the recovery of your daughter?

Take this as a wake up call and redirect your life again. The fact that you are a father means u have to accept your responsibility just as you would need your father to take care of you when u were young. It is a calling above your love relatioinship with anyone, be it your wife or your gf.

My humble suggestions :-

* Love or no love, your wife is your team mate and do try your best to respect her and maintain a healthy reationship with her. Nobody loves your daughter as much as you besides her.

* Your daughter welfare should always comes first.

* As for your Gf, if she cant accept your love for your daughter, then just be it. Time will heal the pain that you are suffering now.

* Stay positive and put your daughter's photo in your wallet and work desk. Let her be your motivational factor to overcome the challenges that you are facing now.

* Read up books on ASD. Besides ST & OT therapy, look into alternative treatments such as Diets. There are some children who improved greatly from these treatments.

* Last but not least, think about this :- what is more satisfying in life by making the impossibe into possible? You can do it!

[5ag1_Boar]

Respect both you and your wife for staying together for your daughter's sake.

I had a similarly intense relationship before too. Lots of break up and reunions, big fights, etc. In the end, I realize I had to make a decision and stand by it. It was to break up, simply because there was no way I can be with her and live up to my responsibilities as a father (although divorced). I went cold turkey and that is the only way. Even ignored her attempts to contact me. I still have her number, but I program my phone to not ring and divert straight to voice mail. I still think of her, but I am firm that it would never have worked if I wanted to be a responsible father.

Another thing I learnt, is that no matter how much you love someone, eventually the passion will die down. What remains, should be a dedication to each other that will surpass all challenges. I take much heart that my current fiancee accepts me for who and what i am, will go through thick and thin with me and cater to my needs and wants (including sex). That is true love. And I too in return do the same. That said, it is much easier to feel like you can do so when you feel you can trust her to do so. It's like a catch-22, but a good one. I also realize that it only takes one of us to break that trust, so I've resolved that I will try my utmost never to the one who breaks that mutual trust. (I admit I go to FLs on occasion and it's something I need to work on.)

I also believe that although we will never regain 100% of the passion we had when we started, we can maintain some of it, but constant work is needed. But, I also learnt that starting to rekindle passion is hard, but gets easier as you regain it.

Bro, I think you should talk to your wife heart to heart and both of you should make a pact to work on your marriage, and not just stay together solely for the sake of your daughter. Good luck.

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by YawSL

It is extremely good of you to go back to your family for the sake of your daughter. How old is your GF?

GF,WIFE and me are all in our 30s.

Originally Posted by kgbkgb

if ur serious abt a clean break, delete her ctc then u hv no excuses fr hitting the wrong button

yes, a clean break which i find extremely difficult to do. Will need to work on it.

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by shariffa

..........

My humble suggestions :-
.............

thanks your input shariffa. I can't agree with you more.

[tornbitwin2]

Originally Posted by 5ag1_Boar

Respect both you and your wife for staying together for your daughter's sake.

I had a similarly intense relationship before too. Lots of break up and reunions, big fights, etc. In the end, I realize I had to make a decision and stand by it. It was to break up, simply because there was no way I can be with her and live up to my responsibilities as a father (although divorced). I went cold turkey and that is the only way. Even ignored her attempts to contact me. I still have her number, but I program my phone to not ring and divert straight to voice mail. I still think of her, but I am firm that it would never have worked if I wanted to be a responsible father.

Another thing I learnt, is that no matter how much you love someone, eventually the passion will die down. What remains, should be a dedication to each other that will surpass all challenges. I take much heart that my current fiancee accepts me for who and what i am, will go through thick and thin with me and cater to my needs and wants (including sex). That is true love. And I too in return do the same. That said, it is much easier to feel like you can do so when you feel you can trust her to do so. It's like a catch-22, but a good one. I also realize that it only takes one of us to break that trust, so I've resolved that I will try my utmost never to the one who breaks that mutual trust. (I admit I go to FLs on occasion and it's something I need to work on.)

I also believe that although we will never regain 100% of the passion we had when we started, we can maintain some of it, but constant work is needed. But, I also learnt that starting to rekindle passion is hard, but gets easier as you regain it.

Bro, I think you should talk to your wife heart to heart and both of you should make a pact to work on your marriage, and not just stay together solely for the sake of your daughter. Good luck.

i salute you for your determination. I see a lot of similarity in you. Thanks for your feedback.

[tornbitwin2]

Something happened... GF and I exchanged SMS again, ended up talking over the phone. Eventually ended up crying to each other. She didn't ask me to get back to her,I didn't commit to anything too. Oh god, why am I so f@(?ing weak!!!!

[stillgottheblue]

Don't contact your gf again. Time will heal your pain.

She had a child and had a turbulent past herself. There will be many knotty issues sticking around for you and her at a later stage.

You have to distract yourself mentally by keeping yourself occupied with other things.

[sane]

For those who's emotional n soft hearted, u r not suitable to be in the EMA scene in the first place. Learn fr this lesson, dun attempt to Get involved with another again since u can't control ur feelings. It will only backfire n mess up ur life.

[tittyfoo]

You made the right choice, for the child is the only innocent one.

I wish you all the best.

[HappyCupcake]

Good afternoon Threadstarter,

Morally, you have made a right decision in staying in your relationship for the sake of your child. On my part as a woman, I hope you stay that way.

You know the saying, you can't have the best of both worlds? Continuing to contact your Girlfriend, is a bad idea. Cut off all contacts with her, even if you have a strong urge to. It will do both women good, trust me.

GF could move on, while you could try to start afresh with your Wife.

Be sincere in starting afresh with your wife though. A child needs a father who will love their mother.

I hope all the best for you and your marriage.

[5ag1_Boar]

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

Something happened... GF and I exchanged SMS again, ended up talking over the phone. Eventually ended up crying to each other. She didn't ask me to get back to her,I didn't commit to anything too. Oh god, why am I so f@(?ing weak!!!!

Been there, done that. Because you miss the passion, the sex, the once-in-a-lifetime connection, understanding, devotion to you (despite having a child of her own), etc. Because all the fights, bad times, etc, cannot overshadow the good times you both had. Because your wife will never be her.

It's ok. We're all human. You slipped back one step. Just pick yourself up and move forward on your path with wife and daughter.

One thing I learnt is to ignore all contact from her. If you stop replying to her, she will eventually give up trying to contact you.

• Set your phone to block/redirect her number so it never rings. You won't be forced to make a quick decision to pick up a ringing phone... which usually we end making a bad decision. If it lists as miss call, you have time to think and then ignore.
• Block her SMSes. If you are using Android or iPhone, find an SMS app that you can set to auto block/delete SMSes from specific numbers.
• Set your email/Facebook/Whatsapp/etc to do such things too.

If your phone cannot do any of the above, your other option is to change number. Or just tell yourself not to respond at all. Not even to tell her to go away... every time you respond, even negatively, is a glimmer of hope for her.

She is not your responsibility. How she feels now, what she is going to do, etc... NONE. OF. YOUR. BUSINESS. There is no need for you to reply to make her feel a little better, or whatever. Even if she threatens to jump off a building.

Originally Posted by tornbitwin2

...

However, its easier said than done.i still look at GF's photos, still keep the stuffs she got me. Pretty much living half heartedly at the decision i made. ... WIFE is convinced that i've not been in contact with GF so she has put that aside and having full concentration on my daughters needs.

...

Now I want to scold you. Fer f sake, throw away the memorabilia, erase any digital photos of her you might have, and be a man/husband/father and resolve to stick by your decision!!! You need to root her out of your life... the only things that should remain are memories of her and those will fade over time.

Your wife will never be her, but it does not mean you can't build a deeper relationship with your wife. Step by step. Go marriage counselling and let them help you become a better couple. This cannot wait until your daughter is in better condition, because no matter how much better she becomes, she will always need both of you around. So make time now, else your relationship troubles will fester.

[tornbitwin2]

Frankly, I think I deserved that lashing. I've taken steps to filter her calls/sms. Gonna bring WIFE and my daughter for a short vacation to clear my mind.i can't be going on like this.it's too draining. Thanks everyone for putting some sense in my head.

[Botakhead]

You should have introduced her to samsters here. We all can help in one way or other, to get her off your back and to sextify her too.

Have a nice trip with your family. Let us handle the mess for you.

[hotstuffm8]

trolololol

[skaa]

Yoh Bro, vacation is good. Enjoy and cherish the precious time with your family.

You have already made a decision - stick to that and make it a resolution not to keep any contact with your ex. You have to be decisive to be fair to your wife and be a good father.