life with OC

[Furyman]

Originally Posted by Cyberfriend

This art is really very difficult to master. Before and after marriage is so much different.

Cheers

fully agree bro!!!

[cannon]

Originally Posted by falconboy

Just concentrate on making money. When you have the money you become the king and your OC tends to listen to you.

My OC only listens and be good to me when she suspects I was seeing someone. But when she knew I was no longer seeing that someone she reverted to her original self. So sometimes it pays to be naughty.

[HeadOn]

Originally Posted by lightning

This type of gal i would say will not sacificre for u. For me i would think very hardly to commit to this type and she might leave for something better

is it?..as far as i know, most gals will choose to follow their partner overseas...cos they dun wanna b separated

[onlyou]

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

[wild]

Originally Posted by onlyou

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

You are right. You are not alone. Many husbands have similar sufferings (me including. I console myself with these words : what is these sufferings compare with the world's history of sufferings?

[bangbangben]

Life was simple till human intervention.

I find approach to most issues are in our local context are as follow;
1) Found out some small issues which cause slight unhappiness
2) Endure and swallow
3) More problems rises
4) Endure and swallow again
5) Bigger issues arise
6) Unable to take it and voice out
7) Other party not will to give in or accept. (If accept or change, problem solve)
8) Physical rebel or changes to influence other party. (If changed, problem solve)
9) Still no change by other party.
10) Decides to leave.

I think above process is very similar and familiar to many even when we picture it at work, home or personal relationship.

Humans when being nice often turns soft and give others the chance to climb all over you.
Humans when being direct and straightforwarded are often found disliked and detested by others.

The true solution is to find a balance in not just your own life, but a balance in everyones.

[HCKing]

Originally Posted by bangbangben

Humans when being nice often turns soft and give others the chance to climb all over you.
Humans when being direct and straightforwarded are often found disliked and detested by others.

The true solution is to find a balance in not just your own life, but a balance in everyones.

agree with u bro, there's time to be soft n time to be hard, depending on the situation, just like our didi.

women usually dislike their men to tell them their shortcomings directly cos they will start thinking their men dont love them anymore or have changed their hearts for other women. its just like if u tell yr gf she is fat she will start to think that u have fallen for other slimmer MM and gets emotional rather than solving the problem (to slim down)

[Toyota Honda]

Originally Posted by Tanoto

Hi bros

i agreed spore woman are difficult female to please.
i had my share of experience as well.
examples of list of expenses which i paid forth and meant for her use.
1 ) cars ( upgrade )
from a lexus to a BMW to merc.
2 ) country clubs.
3 ) branded handbags.
she practically owned an entire buberry shop previously but slowly upgraded to LV to Cartier.
4 ) watches
from Baby G to Tag haeur to AP
5 ) house
start from HDB to APT to a semi D
6 ) holidays. ( min 2 long trips and 3 short trip per year )
7 ) jewelleries.

in additional , she never do any household chores at all. always compplain too tired. and say if i pamper her , i will do for her.

come on , man got to work so hard to earn the demands of hers and yet come home become a slave cum maid as well.

the last straw was after 11 yrs , i gave her the ultimatunm. I wanted a child of my own. ( she gave excuses every year since our 3rd yr of marriage ). She says she is not ready. Fuck it man.

so spore man has been a fool like me.now , i have my freedom and my own life.
i do not have any hatred for marriage but i do think that singaporean woman are seriously taking singapore man for a ride and does not appreciate the scarifices we ,man made.

hope one fine day , they will wake up their fucking idea soon.
If not , they will finally lose all singapore man to foreigners woman who appreciate us.

Bro,

Really feel for you.. My sense is that women are afterall humans. I am a very direct man. So whatever I say might offend you. But plese forgive me.

U are really a fool. If your worker or maid is not doing what they are supposed to do up to your expectations, u should take in control and make sure they do what you expect cos u give them the salary. Of cos, I am not asking you to take drastic measures of not paying them salaries or not giving them food.

Likewise, if a wife is not doing what she is expexcted to, whats the point of marrying? Cut back on all the items that shhe wants. I remember when I was younger and had a gf. She always expects me to peel the prawn shells for her. My point to her is.. If I, as a husband have to peel prawns for her, and in future for my kids, I would be a very useless husband. A wife is one who should help the husband whenever and whatever she can. If she can't even do this, u are as good as marrying a women who are only capable of being a wastrel or even worse, a cripple.

Spore girls indeed are getting worse.. But its up to us guys to help balance things and change them of their selfish ways and mindset. If they think the western guys are better, let them go get 'f & d' by those westerners. We sporean guys don't need attitude women. We soprean men are not losing out to our western counterparts in any ways esp capability and thinking. Its those ladies' loss. But sad to say, there are still many guys out there who still spoil market.

[Oralcraz]

Originally Posted by onlyou

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
1) maid - now wife doesnt even wants to make her own cup of coffee
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
3) kid - i m doing more emotional and growing up support
4) family - her family's problem becoming mine. niece got sick come to my place and leaves immediately when recovered without saying thank you (not to me)
5) work - i travel a bit in my work. when i got home, she just said - now the kid is yours. ok since i also missed the bonding with my kid.
6) domestic work - i do help like washing a cup or plate cos i was brought up to. she leaves it on the table
7) Outings - she suggests going out but i planned schedule. from her family's birthdays to her relatives. i have to suggest a place.
8) Arguments - will side her side of family (loudly) even though the opinion is subjective
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

Smile more my friend. Able to accept and smile, you will be happier. Good luck.

[hock19]

Originally Posted by Oralcraz

Smile more my friend. Able to accept and smile, you will be happier. Good luck.

SO maybe the alternative way, not necessary the preferred way, is to have a gal outside (China girl or whatver). AT least you can think of this gal and when youa re with her, you feel good. But obviously this is short term but this is an outlet. Hopefully in a few years time, wife will mellow and all is fine. If not, jsut contiune with girl friends. But make sure they are not hanging on to you. A little bit can but if it goes serious for her and if you cannot control this, you are in trouble also!! Unless you divorse wife and marry girlfriend. But then, it starts the cycle all over again.

[Oralcraz]

Originally Posted by Toyota Honda

Bro,
Likewise, if a wife is not doing what she is expexcted to, whats the point of marrying? Cut back on all the items that shhe wants. I remember when I was younger and had a gf. She always expects me to peel the prawn shells for her. My point to her is.. If I, as a husband have to peel prawns for her, and in future for my kids, I would be a very useless husband. A wife is one who should help the husband whenever and whatever she can. If she can't even do this, u are as good as marrying a women who are only capable of being a wastrel or even worse, a cripple.
Spore girls indeed are getting worse.. But its up to us guys to help balance things and change them of their selfish ways and mindset. If they think the western guys are better, let them go get 'f & d' by those westerners. We sporean guys don't need attitude women. We soprean men are not losing out to our western counterparts in any ways esp capability and thinking. Its those ladies' loss. But sad to say, there are still many guys out there who still spoil market.

After reading all these post, guess majority of us here are not that please with our OC. However, to be fair to S'porean ladies, I must say that not all S'porean ladies are that irresponsible to their marriage. I would like to share 3 genuine cases of good S'porean lady that make me tears.

1) Once I was walking on the street near a small factory (or shop) which sells hampers. It was near Christmas time. I saw this guy, in shorts and T-shirt carrying hampers and loading into his van. Then, I saw this lady (late 20s or early 30s in nice make-up and wearing heels and office attire) helping him to carry those hampers and loading into the van too. You can see that the blouse is sticking onto the body due to perspiration. I asked myself, what is she doing. I approached the lady (when the guy went in to collect more hampers) and asked if she is from the shop and selling the hampers (pretending looking for one). She said "no, I am helping my husband to collect and deliver hampers." I said why you are wearing heels and the attire ..... she said "I just finished work and straight down to the shop. Need to deliver 18 hampers by tonight." Oh, good luck. Bye. I was touch and nearly tears.
2) This is my former neighbour. She has 3 kids. Is a housewife with a maid. She drives kids to school. She tutor the kids. She sees her husband off to work at the door with a kiss. Never hear her complain. Sometimes even cook nice food/desert and share with us. What a lady.
3) This mother is amazing. My kid's former classmate mother actually. Has 2 kids in school. Drives them to and fro, beside school, drives them to music class, tuition class etc. NO MAID. Does household chores by herself. She told me everyday, morning wake up busy until 12 mid night. I told her, you are a wonderful mother. (wonder if still have time for sex???)

I really admire the above ladies. At the same time, I envy their hubby. For me, I always tell myself not to compare. Wife is chosen by us ourself. So like it or not, just do the best I can. Good luck.

[onlyou]

having alternative outlet cant solve the OC prob. i am long enuf in a marriage to know that. of cos there are superb wives and i do know some too.

as for really superb wives, i think the Japs wives are really something. have you seen Jap wives / mothers (Daimaru) holding to their toddler, piggybag another and pulling a stroller and shopping bags? i heard that its a shame if they get a maid or unable to handle the usual wife / mother duties. i am not a wife torturer but how i wish, just how i wish...

yes bro oralcraz, i am smiling, i m smiling... cos i got a world class toddler that just melts my heart, all the time

[UFH-UFC]

Originally Posted by tamtam

Sometime i think its the social culture here that up bringing the so call " Singapore women", they have been so well protected by the law even since it was put in place to protect them during the difficult 60s and 70s....But by today standard, do you really think its fair for us mens?

i have been married for 16 years, its not too long but definintely not short either, i had tried all sorts of ways and means to sustain my marriage, you name it, i did it...But it's really hard to live together with a Singapore women, they expect you to do things in their way, do your duties as a husband, be faithful "because" you had taken the vow, without putting any effort to make us stayed faithful...

Things evolved during this 16 years...from trying to save my marriage, listen to advices, doing things her way, staying home early, not to disturb her when she is tried, sex only on weekends due to her work, diy myself, respect her parent, sending her and picking her up all the time, doing all chores when babay are newly borned, wake up in middle of the night to prepare milk, etc.....

Once i stopped helping out, she will compare me with all their friend's husband, me for not being the norm. I wished i can pen down more ....but its just too many issues that i can't simply write. So in the last few years, my heart starts to harden, and slowly i learn to let go things, from not even dare to think of divoiceing due to the sake for my children, to slowing able to accept the fact that i need to let them go....

I was at this crossroad many time, whether to make a decision to leave this family or stay on. After going round and round, i found that i m still stuck at this crossroad, finally she pull some stupid stunt and make me woke up, i cannot be doing these for my next 30 years, so i decided to leave for good, its a painful decision, but i can't live unhappily for my next half a lifetime right?
How about my children ? This is the painful part, but as a singaporean, you cannot win the law, let alone the "women charter". So i will not fight for custody of the children, just leave it to the law, 99.9% they will be awarded to the mother....so no point fighting a losing battle.

I have try so long to keep this marriage, but realised i have wasted too much time, i should have done this much eariler, cut my losses and get on with life...I have since make up my mind to file for divorce and are now currently selling my house.

I'm not trying to discourage any bro here, but sometime it just wakes each other up to see things in a different perspective, there have been some good and wonderful marraige around too, but not with mine, sadly 1 in 4 marriages ended up divorce, probably half of the 3 are simply tolerating each others, with the remaining few are the truly good marriages...lucky few, your efforts paid off.

So to marry a Singapore lady, think harder, in for a choppy ride....Some of you may think i'm abit shallow, but if you are in it, then you will understand why some of us do things this way.

I would like to thank all SBF bro here for all these years of sharing, and are glad mine comes to a conclusion.

Bro, I am in the same boat as you and now filing my divorce.

The only difference is that my marriage is only 6 years and my wife will go all out to nail me DEAD.

I can truely understand how you feel!

Take care and try to get some support from family and friends. That helps.

[onlyou]

to bro UFH-UFC, sorry to hear abt that. do be strong and call for listening ear if you need to. and - to hate a person takes a lot of energy and it is tiring...

[Furyman]

Originally Posted by onlyou

the ideas and solutions given here is superb! its a marriage of 2 families of just 2 persons. i also hv my fair share... as i come from peaceful family before marriage, my new family is giving me more headaches in the last 5 years than my entire 30 years with my own. to list a few:
2) car - when i on leave, she drives to work; when she on leave, she drives for shopping
9) throw tantrum when she is losing the argument
like Bro Oraclez & Olduncle - i have tried, argued, quarreled, reasoned and all but i think the best is just to concentrate on things that matters to me most like my kid. I dont have to win every battle to win the war... but i appreciate sharing in this thread... i am not alone...

well bro u are not alone,especially the car,since the day got the car,been driving her around,its always the day i need to go out with frd that she need to used it.at times when i ask her where is she going she say wat if i need it!! end up neber drive park at carpark.