Is It Possible to Find Love in SBF?

[SiakSiBabe]

Dear all,

Firstly there's no sexual content in this posting. So for those of you without much time on hand, please skip this. You may zap me or whatever it is for wasting your time to click on this. And another, sorry for long post. Just hoping for some advises from kind like-minded people.

I came to SBF looking for a sex partner whom i can develop a friendship with, someone I feel comfortable being with and trustworthy enough to be discreet. Hundreds of CVs were sent in and I started corresponding with a few.

Believe me, love was the last thing on my mind.

V was one of those that I rejected cos he is studying overseas and wont be back soon. He was undeterred by my short impersonal reply and determined to give me brotherly advises in a long email.

Having had to keep track of so many guys, I made a list of names and my impression on them in a notebook. Under V's name, I listed "long-winded, naggy but very sweet".

Perhaps his concern touched me, and soon our daily email correspondence was something I looked forward to. I found him to be witty, friendly and caring. Overall, for someone I had never met, he made a good friend and dished out good advises. We agreed that once he is back in Sg, perhaps we could meet for some fun.

We were definitely attracted to each other. Then I asked for a photo & he sent immediately. First impression was WHOA! LOOK AT THOSE THICK EYEBROWS! REMINDS ME OF THAT CARTOON CRAYON SIN CHAN. Otherwise, normal looking.

He suggested chatting on MSN. We have so much in common its quite creepy! Sometimes we both would type out the same thing with exactly the same words in the sentence at the same time. Other times, he would mention unique experiences which I myself had gone through before.

Occasionally he mentioned of his gf in Singapore and some of the problems he was facing in that relationship. I spoke to him about the few guys I managed to meet & bed from the forum. No worries, no nick mentioned.

Then one day he asked me if I wanted to see him on webcam. Wow, he certainly didnt look like his photo. His looks appealed to me, and although the attraction was initially there, it was a bonus. He started calling me at night, the next night and the next. We could chat anything & everything. It became a routine for him to call every night, msn during the day, sms during his lessons and while on my way to & fro work. We were constantly in contact every half an hour (geez I dread seeing my phone bill this month!). Yup, you guessed it, we both very free and nothing better to do. Just for those curious, initially our topics covered quite a bit on sexual experiences & expectations, but that slowly got pushed aside.

He didnt pressure me to show my face to him but I wanted to, so we ended up chatting on Skype & MSN with webcams as well. Once I asked if he regarded me as a younger sister who needed guidance, I remember he looked lost in deep thought. Then we both decided to take the risk and exchange letter on our feelings for each other.

WOW I FOUND LOVE!

He confided that he felt really hurt whenever I told him about what happened in my bedroom with those guys but he dared not voice it out in case he lost the friendship. I'd told him before that I would never fall for any of my partners and that SBF is the last place I'd go to find a bf (no offense to any members here, but that comment made to him was actually in retaliation to sarcastic remarks made by one member who suspected that I was actually hunting for a bf).

Anyway past 2 weeks, he really treated me more like a gf, showing concern when I was sick, sending me a surprise birthday card which I received on the eve of my birthday, staying up late to chat on the phone till 4 or 5am over his end. I dont even know when I fell for him.

According to him, he initiated a break-up with his gf, but she asked for a 2nd chance. Till todate he has not had the chance to discuss further with her cos of her hectic work & study schedule. But to me, I think its a sign showing his reluctance to let her go.

When I talk to him on MSN & see him on the webcam, its like everything is OK, and he keeps reassuring me that we can work things out and for me to give him a chance. But when I sit down to consider things, its like he's asking a lot from me without promising anything. I've to stop with my regular (whom I found from this forum), change my lifestyle, wait for him to settle his gf issues, wait for him to complete more than 2 yrs of studies overseas (plus he has voiced his interest to start his career overseas, he's a PR in that country and his family is in the process of migrating there, so what assurance do I have that he'll be coming back to Sg? None).

And worst: I find that once my emotions get involved, I'm unable to make a proper judgement anymore. Whatever information we exchanged about our past, came back to haunt me. He told me of several incidents where he cheated on his current gf & previous gfs and at that time, it seemed like harmless fun to me. He ever considered leaving his gf for a few of the gals he had flings with cos he fell for them but he always ended up returning to his current gf. My theory: she's his safety zone.

Now, I worry that I'll be the one getting played out, that I'm just another of these gals he believed he had feelings for and tried to leave his gf for but will end up returning to her yet again. He assures me he's changed and he's been honest with me thus far, and to give him the benefit of the doubt. Its all in the past. But to me, its not in the past if he still keeps in touch with these gals and whenever he comes back Sg for holidays, he meets up with them.

A few times, a few things he did or said made me doubt his sincerity and I didnt want to consider waiting for him anymore. He's a sensitive guy and he broke down and got his friends to call me to try to talk it out with me. Usually his rationale is quite solid. And he sends me photos of him with these close friends of his as well.

If he's playing a game, would he really do all these? He reasoned that if he wanted to play, he would not have chosen a target so far away, and he would not have spent so much time & effort to keep in touch.

So I'm blur already. Yesterday & today I told him we're to stop contact. And I can see for myself how hurt he is. He's sitting for two exam papers tomorrow and he's still online with me right now. Though I have feelings for him, but I dont feel peaceful if I'm constantly plagued with so many doubts? And to think all I was looking for was just a sex partner!

I know by posting here, he'll be able to read this and knows I'm talking about him. Its OK, you dont have to reveal yourself. I just hope perhaps fellow Samsters could give some kind advises, show me an insight into the mind of a Samster? Is a player capable of loving?

[Dark Magician]

i m jus sharing my point of view ...
i m here not to seek ONS / FL or anything else ....
m also not thinking will i find a gf here or not ...

i believe there are ppl ard in here like me ... jus wanna look look see see

[oakleyeug]

Wat is love haiiii.....

[Pistone]

Originally Posted by SiakSiBabe

I know by posting here, he'll be able to read this and knows I'm talking about him. Its OK, you dont have to reveal yourself. I just hope perhaps fellow Samsters could give some kind advises, show me an insight into the mind of a Samster? Is a player capable of loving?

all i have to say is that LOVE can be found anywhere.. be it online ie. in a forum, or even at a bus-stop, (side tracking here.. i met a fling at the bus stop.. thats another storey)

so i feel its irrelevant whether u've fallen for a Samster.. or a 'Player' as u call it... even if he is a modern day casanova... he can still love u.. in his own way... LOVE does not necessarily mean being 110% faithful.. i say this from true experience.. being in this forum for awhile.. i have shared bonking experiences with bros about FL (aka free lancers), CAt 40s (thai $40 girls), fcuk buddies etc. but in the end, i still know i am in love with my OC (girlfren in my case).

sure, i have cheated on her before... and even my other GFs, be it paid or unpaid sex.... but like u say, i was looking for a sex partner, thats all.... just as u were,... when u started viewing this forum....

but when it comes to the crunch, all the flings i've had, even those 'semi-relations' (which means we have become fcuk buddies) i will still onli choose my OC.

i will refrain from advising you on what to do, i dont believe in that...
but i can say this, the Samster u have fallen for, he being a 'Player' or not can offer you LOVE, even great love... the issue is whether u can accept his form of love? put simply, lets say for example, he has broken up with his GF and makes u his (1).... but then he wants to have (2) and (3) are u okay with that? knowing that he loves u alone... and the rest is just for fcuks sake?

thats my 2 cents worth, hope it helps

Cheers

[Alami]

One can find true love at the least expected places. There is no right or wrong in a relationship. If you think that he clicks with you why not give him a chance? You will never know unless you tried.
Just my one cent worth.

[Castrol]

Originally Posted by SiakSiBabe

I just hope perhaps fellow Samsters could give some kind advises, show me an insight into the mind of a Samster? Is a player capable of loving?

oooh... this is so romantica. dont hold back your love, after all, samsters are humans too, humans with warm blood and warm hearts. but be prepared, because most samsters fuck on the first date.

[Valuesman]

believe yourself and follow what your heart want. but at the same time must be rational... i know it hard to control you mind to be rational when it come to love but just need to protect yourself to prevent deep hurt...

[Tai_zi21]

Love in a sex forum?

Not bad maybe i should start looking for my lifetime partner at here too!

But then again it always the physical attraction that counts!

Imagine this thread starter

The 1 u has been msn and calling everynite turn out to be someone who could be ur dad liao! Beer Belly,Balding Head,Bad Breath!

Will u still like him? spend a min to think carefully

And then again how much do u understand abt this guy?

To mi there are 2 type of gals in the world

1)U dun like him,but once he show concern and go all out to woo u,u will fall for him

2)No matter wat things u do to woo the ger,the ger dun like u mean dun like u!

So which type of gal u belong to?



Take a min to think carefully!


Cheers

[imaginative]

What's love? Do you believe there is one and only one True love in your life?
Is the current gf his true love so he keeps coming back to her?
But if this gf is his true love, why did he start talking and expressing feeling to you?

Do you think you have found love? Do you call that love or that's only chemistry with someone with whom you share some telepathy?

[Pistone]

Yo, sister.... quite a few caring Samsters have answered ur call....

care to comment?

[SiakSiBabe]

Originally Posted by Pistone

the issue is whether u can accept his form of love? put simply, lets say for example, he has broken up with his GF and makes u his (1).... but then he wants to have (2) and (3) are u okay with that? knowing that he loves u alone... and the rest is just for fcuks sake?

If thats the case, i'd rather remain as sex partners than to get my emotions involved. Unless he doesnt mind that I want to have (2) and (3) just for fcuk sake as well. I mean, if variety is the key here, then I can get bored as well.

Originally Posted by Tai_zi21

Imagine this thread starter
The 1 u has been msn and calling everynite turn out to be someone who could be ur dad liao! Beer Belly,Balding Head,Bad Breath!
Will u still like him? spend a min to think carefully
And then again how much do u understand abt this guy?
To mi there are 2 type of gals in the world
1)U dun like him,but once he show concern and go all out to woo u,u will fall for him
2)No matter wat things u do to woo the ger,the ger dun like u mean dun like u!
So which type of gal u belong to?

We have been chatting with webcam switched on everyday and talking on Skype too. Unless there's a way for this Beer Belly, Balding Head, Bad Breath uncle to hide under the table while getting his younger, slimmer, with head full of hair counterpart to pose as him....?

Though his looks appealed to me, I was already attracted to him earlier.

I think I belong to No 2. If I didnt like him to begin with, whatever he does wouldnt have bothered me.

Right now I'm having an internal conflict. My brain's telling me to let go (after all its gonna be complicated what with his gf still in the pic), while my heart's telling me to hold tighter (its not everyday a person meets somebody who can click so well and have so much in common). I feel like a yo-yo.

[laodi123456789]

Originally Posted by SiakSiBabe

its like he's asking a lot from me without promising anything. I've to stop with my regular (whom I found from this forum), change my lifestyle, wait for him to settle his gf issues, wait for him to complete more than 2 yrs of studies overseas (plus he has voiced his interest to start his career overseas, he's a PR in that country and his family is in the process of migrating there, so what assurance do I have that he'll be coming back to Sg? None).

I think u need to ask urself. Do u want to marry him? is this the insensitive husband the one u want? True love and stable raltionship could happen, but then u can also win 4D.

I think U will have more luck finding a guy who ready for u when u meet him. Go back to meeting your regulars and wait for someone else.

[goodu]

attractions is always started when you dun know it

maybe take things one step at a time?

and really if u wanted a r/s, better stop your current lifestyle... otherwise it will haunts your r/s.

[aman]

my dear siaksibabe.
love is one thing. I love a gir for more than 2yrs and she love me also and i giv her what she went n need but what is 2yrs? 1day she just me she meet a guy only 2 week and leave me without a word.
this is what i get
now what can i say to you. just follow your feel like what i doing nw.
takecare.

[Pistone]

Originally Posted by SiakSiBabe

Right now I'm having an internal conflict. My brain's telling me to let go (after all its gonna be complicated what with his gf still in the pic), while my heart's telling me to hold tighter (its not everyday a person meets somebody who can click so well and have so much in common). I feel like a yo-yo.

i feel ya girl..... embarassed to admit, that i encountered someone who said the exact emotional words to me... and i'm was the cause of it...
but just to share and not to influence ur decision, she decided to let me go...
and to her credit, she has maintained her perserverence.. and shut me out of her life ever since...

we had a 'semi-relationship' going when i was in the army... she was attached... she wanted to see me, but with no committments.. just sex.. which was fine with me.. as i was single at the time.. then she broke-up with her bf, i insisted to know why, but she wont say, just that it wasnt cos of me...

the end came when she proposed, since we were both single, that we should get together... i said no.. cos i dont want committment... thats when she felt torn, and being confused... she said her mind told her to get as far from me as possible, but her heart said she had fallen for me... and that it was precious to find someone she could click with so well....

we talked.. and talked... she even proposed to be my 'part-time' and i was free to see any1 i wanted as long as i spent 'quality' time with her.. i could not accept that.. our agreement was that i would not get 'involved' ie. meeting her frens, parents, etc. we hardly talked about me... only about her..

in the end, she called me.. saying she was not going to see me anymore.. that she was tired off feeling like a yoyo... and thats the end of that...

just wanted to share.. cos ur story and views reminded me of her..
i have no intention of inflencing ur decision....
'He' may not be as big of a bastard as i am....

cheers