Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You."

Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking.

When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her:
"Please be Civilised! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!

When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School):
"Big Brother, let's count how much we got."

The older Robber rebutted and said:
"You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!"

This is called "Experience”
Nowadays, experience is more Important than Paper Qualifications!

After the Robbers had left, the Bank Manager told the Bank supervisor to call the Police quickly. But the Supervisor said to him:
"Wait! Let us take out $10 Million from the Bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 Million that we have previously Embezzled from the Bank”.

This is called "Swim with the Tide”
Converting an unfavorable situation to Your Advantage!

The Supervisor says: "It will be Good if there is a Robbery every month."

This is called "Changing Priority”
Personal Happiness is more Important than Your Job”.

The next day, the TV News reported that $100 Million was taken from the Bank. The Robbers Counted and Counted and Counted, but they could only Count $20 Million.

The Robbers were very Angry and Complained:
"We risked our Lives and only took $20 Million. The Bank Manager took $80 Million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be Educated than to be a Thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as Gold!"

👆Must read ..Superb one. Lessons on Corporate Management in a nutshell !!

在香港的一次抢劫案中，银行劫匪对银行里的每个人喊道：
“别动。钱是政府的，你的命是你的。”

银行里的每个人都安静地躺下。

这就是所谓的“思想转变观念”，改变传统的思维方式。

当一位女士挑衅地躺在桌子上时，强盗对她大喊：
“请文明一点！这是抢劫而不是强奸！”

这就是所谓的“专业”。只专注于你被训练做什么！

当银行劫匪回家时，年轻的劫匪（接受过MBA培训）告诉年长的劫匪（他只完成了小学六年级）：
“大哥，让我们数一数我们得到了多少。”

老强盗反驳道：
“你太笨了，钱太多了，我们要花很长时间才能数清。今晚电视新闻会告诉我们，我们从银行抢了多少 钱！”

这叫“体验”
如今，经验比论文资格更重要！

劫匪离开后，银行经理告诉银行主管尽快报警。 但是主管对他说：
“等等！让我们自己从银行取出 1000 万美元，并将其添加到我们之前从银行挪用的 7000 万美元中”。

这就是所谓的“随波逐流”
将不利的情况转化为您的优势！

主管说：“要是每个月都有抢劫就好了。”

这称为“更改优先级”
个人幸福比你的工作更重要”。

第二天，《电视新闻》报道说，银行从银行拿走了 1 亿美元。 强盗们数了数，数了又数，但他们只能数到 2000 万美元。

劫匪非常愤怒和抱怨：
“我们冒着生命危险，只拿了 2000 万美元。银行经理弹指间就拿走了 8000 万美元。看来受过教育比当小偷好！”

这就是所谓的“知识价值不亚于黄金！”

👆必读..精湛的一本。 简而言之，企业管理课程！！

[Hurricane88]

tell you a joke !
One RICH GUY OUR AGE GROUP like you takut mati when for blood check than consultation with doctor .
HE ASKED DOCTOR HOW LONG CAN I LIVE WITH MY BLOOD TEST RESULTS AS SUCH?
Doc: DO YOU SMOKE
PATIENT; NO
DOC : DO YOU DRINK?
Patient ; NO
DOC; DO YOU EAT RICH FOOD ?
Patient : NO
DOC: DO YOU F AROUND?
PATIENT ; NO .So how long can I live DOCTOR ?
DOC; YOUR LIFE IS SO MISERABLE WHY YOU WANT TO LIVE SO LONG ?
GO AND DIE LA

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

😇 Harry a lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But Harry was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When Harry mentioned that he had 12 children. No one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

Harry couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie. We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, Harry sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

Harry loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked, "_How many children do you have?”_

He answered: "_Twelve_."

The agent asked, "_Where are the others?"_

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “_They're in the cemetery with their mother!!!"_

*MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words...*

*and this is how half truth is presented to us everyday by news channels.* 😜

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Not a joke but facts.

[warbird]

Originally Posted by dyelook

lucky she didnt say its a kancil with flat tyres...
laughter bumps...

Bro dyelock,

Tks for upping me.

Just tried to reciprocate. Sammyboyforum says: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dyelook again.

Cheers!

Bro WB

[JosephM]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

😇 Harry a lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But Harry was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When Harry mentioned that he had 12 children. No one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

Harry couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie. We all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, Harry sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids. He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

Harry loved one of the homes and the price was right -- the agent asked, "_How many children do you have?”_

He answered: "_Twelve_."

The agent asked, "_Where are the others?"_

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “_They're in the cemetery with their mother!!!"_

*MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words...*

*and this is how half truth is presented to us everyday by news channels.* 😜

Very practical one.
The cunning ones (white) use this in parliament. The not so cunning ones (blue) kena bashed and thrashed and later may crash.

[Hurricane88]

🍅🍅🍅
The wife checked her husband's Hand Phone and found these names:

*The Tender one.*
*The Amazing one.*
*Lady of My Dreams.*

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his Mother.

Then she called the second number on which his Sister replied.

When she dialed the third number, her own phone rang !!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband.

So she gave him her whole month's salary to make up for it.

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as :
*Ah Seng Kedai motor.*

*PASS IT ALONG :*
Caution :
*ONLY TO MALE FRIENDS, PLEASE.*
🤣🤣🍊🍊🍊

[SBMEDSUP]

Always enjoy reading nice jokes. Thanks to all sharing.

[candle2000]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Is the other clown your ownself ?

[fallen11]

Originally Posted by candle2000

Is the other clown your ownself ?

omg you actually asked that question!
hahahahhahaa

[candle2000]

Originally Posted by fallen11

omg you actually asked that question!
hahahahhahaa

Curiosity kills a cat

[gotyourtip]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

🍅🍅🍅
The wife checked her husband's Hand Phone and found these names:

*The Tender one.*
*The Amazing one.*
*Lady of My Dreams.*

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his Mother.

Then she called the second number on which his Sister replied.

When she dialed the third number, her own phone rang !!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband.

So she gave him her whole month's salary to make up for it.

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as :
*Ah Seng Kedai motor.*

*PASS IT ALONG :*
Caution :
*ONLY TO MALE FRIENDS, PLEASE.*
🤣🤣🍊🍊🍊

After reading this, I changed a few names in my contact list

[dyelook]

Originally Posted by warbird

Bro dyelook,

Tks for upping me.

Just tried to reciprocate. Sammyboyforum says: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to dyelook again.

Cheers!
bo
Bro WB

its okie bro... me just spreading points around...

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

And Finally a Religious Joke 😃😃😊😊.... worth fwding

I went to a Inter-Religion Integration Seminar.

The Bishop came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!”

I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.

The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!

I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!”

I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me”

The Hindu sadhu came and said "Beta, you will walk on your legs today."

I said "Babaji - nothing wrong with my legs"

The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!”

I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the Seminar, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

I believe in all Religions now......😀😀😀😀